ENGINOODS

THE

“We ain’t affilliated with nobody”

Concordia, here we come!
Well, it’s been a while since we’ve said anything about the Feds, mostly since the last bunch of fuck-ups’
term finished, and we got a whole new group of fuck-ups elected, who, as of last week, really hadn’t
fucked too much up. It would appear, however, that there’s a one month fuck-up training period, because
the new exec has fucked up in a way that the old bunch of fuck-ups never dreamed.

As you may already know, the Feds decided to go all academic and sponsor a guest lecturer on the
situation in the Middle East. Since it would appear that Ernst Zundel was otherwise booked, they had to
settle for the deputy hate monger Norman Finkelstien. Yes, your Fed fee went to sponsor some deranged
fuck calling students Nazis, and advocating killing professors in the streets. Frankly, we’re pro academics
and free speech, but not when it is done by calling the audience tortures. Unlike the rest of this school,
we’re not going to take sides in the Israel/Palestine conflict. We are, however, going to take sides against
the Feds, and their hate mongering ways. Monger fish, not hate!

All of this points to one thing-the Feds are trying to turn us into Concordia. Next up- model UNs, riots,
and specials on the CBC. But at least if we turn into Concordia, our tuition should go down…

and you know none of this would have happened if you fucks had elected Matan!

Now, if we had our way, we would pick a different type of guest speaker. No crazy name calling people.
No asking leaders to pay for their war crimes. Instead we suggest getting Henry Rollins … back. (See
the previous issue where we deride all of you fucks for not attending.) We should have him on faculty.
Actually, he should be offered tenure. If he’s not available, perhaps George Carlin would do. Then again,
Dennis Miller needs a new job, considering his football thing is done and his show is over. We would like
to put it to the Feds to get one of these three to come by the school… and soon, before it’s too late.

Pick your poision: (Please check one)

THE ENGINOODS INVADE THE INTERNET!

http://www3.sympatico.ca/enginoods
And you thought that the internet was safe for children, Clegg and pedophiles...
If anybody has a better place we can store these, please let us know! Many free hats for you!
- You’re not that smart? Then how did you figure it out?
- Well, I tried to imagine a fellow smarter than myself. Then I tried to think, what would he do?
 POETS
“On the street and the epitome of vague”

PBD TOTALS
Beer Barons 61 No you won’t.
2B Civ 57 Perhaps you have not learned yet, to keep beer on Fridays
2B Software 40 you have to drink. To be more accurate, you have to drink
4A Elec 31 beer. For most of you, this seems to be a problem. So here are
4A Comp 30 a few easy steps:
Noods 29 1) Ask Bartender Matt for any beer but a Baron
2B Mech 25 2) Pay Matt for beer
1B EnvCiv 24 3) Tip Matt.
1B Mech 24 4) Somehow, put beer in stomach (you can figure out this part)
Deck 16 5) Return bottle and tell Maria your class.
1B Geo 13 6) Lather, Rinse, Repeat. (Go to step 1). Always repeat.

Cock-Ring Warehouse (now with more iron) presents:

ASS OF THE WEEK!

CENSORED

Ryan Walker: Fact or Fiction

“Never liked the Swiss, they make them little clocks, these two cocksuckers come out of ‘em
with these little hammers, hit each other on the head. What kind of sick mentality is that?”
 ALL THE NOODS THAT’S UNFIT TO PRINT!
THAT’S
Just like the pros, we take drugs.

Fedspeak
Brought to you from the Ministry of Truth (minitrue)
There will be no more non-refundable fees. - You’re paying for the new co-op building for 25 years to
life.
We will negotiate with the administration. - Fuck da police!
Our main goal is to reopen the bomber. - Our main goal is to reopen the bomber ... without beer!
Read my lips, ‘No New Taxes’. - See Bush Sr.
I am not a Crook - I’m robbing you fucking blind.
We are here to represent the students of UW - Money and Power and Money and Power ...
We want a model UN. - We want to incite hatred between different groups on campus.
There’s no fun to be had on campus anymore. - Concordia has an active student body.
Engineers are our number one priority. - What’s an engineer?
Tuition is way too high in Engineering. - Tuition is not too high in Planning.
I did not inhale. - But I did inject.
We want to make refundable fees easy to get back. - Because our fees are non-refundable. Screw the
rest of em.
My cats breath smells like cat food. - Sleep, that’s where I’m a Viking.
We’re expanding the SLC for the benefit of the students. - We all want corner offices... All 5 of us.
The Feds are a non-profit organization. - Hello, Grand Cayman.
Frosh week is still fun! - If you’re a nun from the Byzantine empire.
We love interschool relations. - We all went to a conference on your dollar!
Conference - Free plane ticket, free hotel, free lobster, free beer, free hookers, free Willy.
Brenda (Slomka/Koprowski) is a mature, responsible adult. - If by adult you mean whining spoiled knife
wielding 6 year old.

Pictures, because we’re lazy.

“He isn’t gonna shoot me, then he hadn’t oughta point a gun at me. It’s insincere.”
 Mailbag ‘O Rama
You can’t be too crazy, but you can be too sane.
Dear Ed,
What the fuck is it with you Engineers? Can’t any of you guys tie your own shoes? I have never seen so many people go
to school for so long so that they can end up with no detectable knowledge or skills. My office hired some young shnook
from your supposedly distinguished university. Kid was an engineer. So we’re in a meeting with a client and I’m razzling
and dazzling, as usual. I’m halfway through the pitch so I decide to let the kid talk for a while. The kid starts telling the
truth, so already I know that I’m in trouble. Before I can cut in, this yo-yo is telling them that they don’t need as much
land as I’m offering and says that they can find contractors at a more reasonable price. To top it off, he didn’t steal the
guy’s wallet like I told him to. What in the name of God’s holy-fuck machine do you shit-planting peons think you’re
doing? If you pustules can’t figure out how the real world works why don’t you fuckers start digging so you can be
useful and colonize the Earth’s core. I’d swear at you some more, but that would assume that you can read English.
Yours fuckingly,
Richard Roma
P.S. You want to buy some land?

Dear fuck-nuts
What the fuck is your problem? You want to blame some kid for your lack of fucking salesmanship? This
week it’s engineers-what next, the fucking French? I can see it now “Wah…I didn’t close the sale because
there was a full moon”. You fucking disgust me. Coffee is for closers, and you’ve had one fucking cup too
many. Who said you could work with men.
For the record, you think that engineer fucked up? Who do you think OWNS the contractors? Didn’t steal
his wallet-what are you a fucking small time nickel and dime man? Not only does your so-called “pustule”
now have money pouring in for contracting, but you might not have noticed the complete fucking financial
history that he was taking such copious notes at. As we speak, the fuck’s life savings is probably in some
untraceable Swiss bank account. You would have walked away with what, fifty bucks and a gold star for
making one tiny little fucking sale, but your Engineer is set for life. We fucking own you-you only exist
because we allow it.
And yes, we’d like to buy some land… but one question, African or European?

THIS WEEK’S CONTEST:

Tell us which guest speaker you want us to invite. We really will do this.
FREE HATs for all,
And for all a good noods02@hotmail.com

WERE YOU OFFENDED?

If you were offended by this week’s enginoods, we want to hear about it. Send your flames, death threats, and porn to:

noods02@hotmail.com
If we publish your letter, you’ll get a FREE HAT & P**5 points! We at the Enginoods value your suggestions, and this
shit won’t get any better unless you tell us what to change. I love the smell of Napalm in the morning. Thank you for
your time. Hope to hear from you soon. Does anyone actually read this shit anymore? If you did catch this, you might
just have won a free hat!
Bottem of Page Quotations Brought to you by: J Jonah Jamison, Darth Randall and The Letter ‘J’
and a thank you to Richard Fuckin’ Roma

“Everybody needs money! That’s why they call it money!”