THE OREDIGGER

The student voice of the Colorado School of Mines

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Volume 93, Issue 23 April 15, 2013
JARED RIEMER / OREDIGGER

News

Physicists gather in Denver

Features 4

Oz only a mediocre outing

Civil and Environmental Engineering professor John Spear is well known and quite popular.

Sports

John Spear an active engineer

Jared Riemer Content Manager
For students in Civil and Environmental engineering, John Spear is well known and quite popular professor. The Oredigger sat down with him to ask him a few questions and discover his life and journey to Mines. Born in southern California within close proximity to both NASAs Jet Propulsion Laboratories (JPL) and the California Institute of Technology (CalTech), Spear was influenced early and often by science. In high school, a teacher by the name of Mrs. Patterson, whose husband taught at CalTech, influenced him greatly and helped him realize he was drawn towards the sciences. After high school, he attended the nearby University of California San Diego (UCSD). In his fourth year at the UCSD, he changed his major from bioengineering to animal physiology because, as he said, I decided I didnt know if I really wanted to be an engineer, and its not recommended to switch majors in your fourth year so I took another year to finish my degree. During college, he worked in labs in and around the UCSD medical school and enjoyed the research experience he received as an undergrad. Upon graduating, Spear went to work at the Scripps clinic in La Jolla, California, now the Scripps Research Institute, to work on synthetic vaccines for tuberculosis. After getting tired of doing science, he went to Wyoming to take a class with the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS). Spear attended a fall semester in the Rockies with NOLS doing activities such as skiing, caving, backpacking, and climbing. He then went back to work at Scripps for a few more years doing research as a technician. Not knowing what I wanted to do with my life and with science in general, I quit that job, said Spear. From Scripps, Spear moved to Summit County, Colorado and worked the rental shops at the Keystone Ski Area for three years. Growing tired of the long hours and busy schedule, Spear went to work full time as an instructor for NOLS, specializing in high-altitude mountaineering and caving. After several years, he figured out that you cant carry real heavy, big backpacks for the rest of your life so he went back to graduate school. During his time at NOLS, the environment became a focus and Spear started to think about the way things affect people and the environment around them. As he put it, he had grown to appreciate the environment and what it means to think about not only my personal place but what is humanitys place in the environment. He started looking into graduate school. Having a background in engineering and science, the environmental engineering program at Mines stood out because of what it could offer to him from a science standpoint, so he choose to attend CSM for graduate school. Once he had a Masters degree he decided he enjoyed Mines and the program, so he went for his Ph.D. Spear was one of the first doctorate students in the environmental engineering program at School of Mines, and in his time in the program, he researched the remediation of uranium and how to better clean it up after mining. Uranium mediation is an expensive process and using existing methods like ion exchange resonance produces a massive amount of waste that cannot be used. Spear took a biological approach to remediation looking at how bacteria could be used to transform the waste into a useful product. Using a kind of bacteria called sulfate-reducing bacteria as a treatment method, soluble Uranium 6 is broken down by the bacteria and produces insoluble Uranium 4, also known as uraninite. The reaction worked by running uranium contaminated water through a biological reactor and the bacteria in the reactor would precipitate out the uraninite so it could be mined and sold. Spear received his Ph.D. after studying the kinetics of this reaction and moved on to his postdoctoral studies. Spear did a six year post doc at CU Boulder in molecular microbial ecology with Dr. Norman Pace. While there, he was exposed to microbial life in all environments, including microbes that live in extreme environments (extremophiles) at places such as Yellowstone. After his post-doc, Spear came back to Mines for a faculty job and has been here at Mines for eight years. When asked why he came back to teaching, he explained how he learned how to teach while working as an instructor with NOLS, saying, It was easy to teach people about a glacier for instance when you are standing on/looking at said glacier. So teaching in front of a classroom was a different challenge because you have to be able to paint a picture with your mind for the students to be able to see what you are talking about because it is not right in front of them. Also teaching is a learning experience. I learn just as much from my students as they learn from me and I try to show enthusiasm for what I teach because of my experience in the field and love of what I do. Its a blast and its a challenge to be able to teach and I just enjoy it. Spear is married and has two daughters. He met his wife, who was also a student, during his first NOLS course and they got married after a couple of years of knowing each other. After they were married, they took a year off to go on a bicycle trip around the perimeter of the United States because they wanted to get to understand and know our own country before we got to know the other countries of the world, and riding 65 miles a day on a bicycle is a great way to get to know your country. He has been living in Golden for 20 years. His hobbies include skiing, biking, hiking, fly fishing, caving, and climbing, and basically any outdoor activity. He is also the president of the faculty senate and serves on multiple graduate student committees. The faculty senate represents the faculty as a whole to the administration and the board of trustees. They speak for the curriculum and what needs to be taught to stay current as humanity and technology evolve.

Club volleyball an important organization

Opinion 8

Lazy people a campus annoyance

Satire

12

Snow for the next three weeks!

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Deborah Good, Editor-in-Chief

Emeryville, CA - Researchers have discovered a shortcut to create malaria drugs, using genetically modified yeast. Traditionally, these drugs are made with artemisinin, produced by a sweet wormwood plant. Though this remedy has been in use for thousands of years, growing the plants requires months. Generating this chemical in a lab would streamline the production process. Lake Erie, Michigan/Ohio/New York/Ontario - Millions of miniature plastic pieces litter Lake Erie, scientists report. Researchers at University of Wisconsin-Superior searched the lake for microplastics, which are smaller than 5 millimeters. Chemical analysis indicates that the microplastics contain various levels of polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons and polychlorinated biphenyls. Both are well-known pollutants.

Honolulu, Hawaii The Hawaii State Board of Land and Natural Resources has approved the building of the Thirty Meter Telescope on Mauna Kea. The telescope will be the largest ground-based scope. The telescope is expected to be able to see 13 billion light years in the astronomical past and also to view extrasolar planets. The project is expected to cost more than $1 billion.

Washington, D.C. - A new ovarian cancer contains an antibody with a tumor-killing toxin that may be able to combat drug-resistant cancer. The drug was given to 44 patients with advanced, drug-resistant ovarian cancers. One patient saw a complete response, meaning the tumor was completely gone. Four others saw their tumors decrease in size by more than 30%.

Oredigger Staff
Deborah Good Editor-in-Chief Katie Huckfeldt Managing Editor Steven Wooldridge Webmaster Barbara Anderson Design Editor Lucy Orsi Business Manager Ian Mertz Copy Editor Taylor Polodna Asst. Design Editor Connor McDonald Asst. Webmaster Arnaud Filliat Asst. Copy Editor Katerina Gonzales Content Manager Jared Riemer Content Manager Emily McNair Content Manager Karen Gilbert Faculty Advisor

Headlines from around the world

Arnaud Filliat, Asst. Copy Editor
Margaret Thatcher, also know as the Iron Lady died last Monday at 87 following a stroke. She was known for the conservative resurgence she led in her home country and her partnership with Ronald Reagan. Thatcher, a former British prime minister, led Britain from 1979 until 1990. She was the first and only woman to be prime minister and the longest-serving prime minister since before the world wars. President Barack Obama said that Thatcher was an exemplar of British strength and resolve and a role model for young women. Bandits stole millions of Euros worth of gold bullion in an ambush Monday on two armored security vans in northern Italy. The police called it the perfect robbery, describing how it was meticulously planned and executed. The bandits wore police clothing and blocked traffic on the highway by setting fire to a truck. Once the armored vans arrived, the bandits parked a truck behind them blocking off the road. They then shot guns into the air and set off a smoke bomb beneath one of the trucks so the guards would abandon their posts thinking the van was on fire. They stole the bullion and did not even bother with the second van knowing that it was an empty decoy. Finally, they escaped in three cars as police were slowed by nails the crew had spread at three locations. Five United Nations peacekeepers and at least seven civilians were killed Tuesday by armed rebels in South Sudan, and at least nine other peacekeepers and civilians were injured. The attack took place on a convoy traveling between the South Sudanese towns of Pibor and Bor. According to South Sudans military spokesman, colonel Philip Aguer, the attack was from fighters led by David Yau, a rebel leader South Sudans military has battled for months. North Korea is likely to testfire a missile or two ahead of a national celebration on Monday. In the past few weeks, North Korea has threatened nuclear war amidst escalating tensions. But according to analysts, Kim Jong-un will test-fire a missile that causes no damage to appease his military without inviting serious retaliation. A major concern is due to the unknown political climate within North Korea. Doug Bandow, member of a libertarian Washington think tank said The danger is if there really is some kind of power struggle going on. If the military wants more. North Korea has prepared two mediumrange Musudan-1 missiles waiting on its east coast to be fired. Pakistan conducted a successful test of an intermediaterange ballistic missile capable of carrying a nuclear warhead about 600 miles; far enough to go deep within India. The Shaheen-1 missile struck the intended target at sea according to the Pakistani military. Pakistan has a nuclear arsenal of 90 warheads and has been increasing the range of its missiles. India has an estimated 100 nuclear weapons and tensions between the two countries, which has always been high, has risen lately over the disputed Kashmir territory.

Local News
The U.S. Department of Energy recently announced a new $23.5 million investment in five innovative manufacturing research and development projects, including a $1.2 million project at Colorado School of Mines. This funding, as well as $54 million invested in 13 projects in 2012, will serve as an investment in the Clean Energy Manufacturing Initiative (CEMI), designed to help stimulate U.S manufacturing, improve energy productivity, reduce pollution, boost production and create jobs. The Mines project, Quenching and Partitioning Process Development to Replace Hot Stamping of High Strength Automotive Steel, is led by Metallurgical and Materials Engineering Professor Emmanuel De Moor.

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The driver of an Audi and two passengers died early Sunday when the car collided with a tractor-trailer on Interstate 70 near Glenwood Canyon, according to the Colorado State Patrol. The truck driver wasnt injured in the collision at 5:30 a.m. near milepost 133, said Patrol spokeswoman Cpl. Heather Cobler.

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The Lady Orediggers beat New Mexico Highlands 10-2, completing a sweep the Breast Cancer Awareness Dat conference play. Molly Theibaut posted seven RBIs, the highest posted by an oredigger since February 17. The Orediggers next travel to Chadron State on April 20th.

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Arnaud Filliat Asst. Copy Editor

Washington, USA Scientists at the University of Washington studied summer sea ice in the artic and determined that there will be ice-free summers before 2050 and possibly within the next decade or two. The researchers used three different approaches that all suggest nearly sea ice-free summers in the Arctic before 2050. They emphasized the word nearly ice free as some sea ice is expected to remain north of the Canadian Archipelago and Greenland. The three different approaches were: the trendsetters, the stochasters, and the modelers. The trendsetters uses observed sea ice trends which shows that the total amount of sea ice decreased rapidly over the previous decade. According to those trends there will be sea ice-free Arctic by 2020. The stochasters approach is based on assuming future events of large sea ice loss such as in

Sharp passionate about Denver hosts water treatment, teaching American Physical
Eric Hake Staff Writer
For those pursuing an Environmental Engineering degree, Josh Sharp is either already a familiar name or soon will be. Professor Sharp is a newer faculty member in the environmental department and focuses on areas involving microbiology, biogeochemistry, and their relation to water treatment. Sharp grew up in a small town in Delaware. He described his upbringing as academic, as his mother was his AP Biology teacher and his father an oceanography professor. After high school, Sharp obtained his undergraduate degree in Geosciences at Princeton University. Of his experiences following graduation, Sharp said, I did a quick internship with an environmental consulting hydrology firm. Before that I had already signed on with Schlumberger which is an oil services company, but I was able to push that back so I had four or five months to work with the hydrology internship. And then I worked for Schlumberger for about a year and a half. Then I worked for the US Geological variety of classes some of which Survey as a hydrologist for an- include Introduction to Environother six months or so before mental Engineering, Hydrology going back to graduate school at and Mining Impact modules, and Berkeley. At UC Berkeley, Sharp the summer field environmental obtained a Civil and Environ- session course, as well as an Enmental Engineering Masters and vironmental Engineering Module Ph.D. From there he went on to class, Geo-microbial systems, do a post-doctoral study in Swit- and Watershed Biogeochemistry zerland. Afterward, Sharp came seminar. to CSM to be a professor where Sharp said he wanted to work he has been at Colorado working for I just think that it has a lot School of the past four Mines beyears. of really good people and cause The W h e n location is asked why a fantastic trajectory, I like f a n t a s t i c , Sharp picked [and] I like the path he the strategy and the direc- the size of the did he said, school. I grew I think the tions they are taking things. up in a small internships, town and so the time I spent during the in- I think being in a smaller town ternships, and Schlumberger re- like Golden and [teaching at] a ally calibrated what I was doing. small school just feels a lot better Probably the thing that put me to me. I also like the department most in the direction I am right that I am in. I just think that it has now is my senior thesis. It was a lot of really good people and a on microbial arsenic respiration. fantastic trajectory, I like the stratResearch in microbial arsenic res- egy and the directions they are piration can be applied to water taking things. It just seemed like treatment as a way to remove ar- a good place to come as a junior senic. faculty member and thrive as well At CSM, Sharp has taught a as a great town for my family.

2007 and 2012. This method estimates it would take several more of these events to reach a sea ice free summer. It also suggest that by about 2030 there will be a sea ice free Arctic. The modelers approach uses the large collection of global climate model results to predict atmosphere, ocean, land, and sea ice conditions. These models show the earliest possible loss of sea ice to be around 2040 as greenhouse gas concentrations increase. But the timing for a nearly sea ice free arctic according to these models are closer to 2060, but there are reasons to believe that this timing is too slow. Due to the high variability of the models people may interpret it that the models are not useful. According to the researchers, the models are based on chemical and physical climate processes, and taken together suggest that a sea ice free summer is likely to be within the next 30 to 40 years. Northwestern University A new study suggests that re-

hearsing memories can have an impact on memory consolidation and on what is remembered later. Researchers from Northwestern University shows that when information that makes up a memory has a high value, the memory is more likely to be rehearsed and consolidated during sleep and remembered later. The scientists used direct manipulation of sleep and demonstrated that it is possible to encourage the consolidation of low value memory so that they too are remembered later. The experiment was designed to study how participants remembered locations of objects on a computer screen. A value was assigned to each object that informed participants on how much money they could make if they remembered it later on in the test. Doing this changed the value of the memories similar to how things we experience each day varies in the extent to which wed like to be able to remember the experience. Each object was accompanied by

a characteristic sound, such as whistling for a tea kettle. Some of the sounds were then played alone during both states of wakefulness and sleep, attempting to remind participants of those items. The study revealed that participants remembered low value items better when the sound was played during sleep. The research implies that the role of memory reactivation during sleep could have a great impact on improving memory storage. California, USA A new study published from the University of Southern California (USC) indicates that your friends in middle school may have more impact on your smoking behavior than your high school. According to the research indicates that interventions targets to counteract friends influence has more effect in middle school than in high school and that parents remain influential on smoking habits throughout high school. Researchers analyzed data from 1,001 adolescents who participated in the Midwestern

Prevention Project, a community based substance abuse prevention program. The full trial followed people from 11 to 37. Participants were first observed in seventh grade and then annually until their senior year of high school. They were asked to indicate the number of close friends and parents that smoked cigarettes and how many cigarettes they had smoked in the last month. Results confirmed that both friends and parents has a significant effect on cigarette use in both middle school and high school. However friends influence was usually greater in middle school than in high school whereas parental influence remained stable between the two periods only decreasing in effect from the 10th grade to the 12th grade. Researchers also observed gender differences. Friends influence on cigarette smoking was greater for girls than for boys during the ninth and 10th grade but greater for boys during the 11th and 12th grade.

Society meeting

Deborah Good Editor-in-Chief

Complex adaptive systems can be modeled using physicsinspired, coarse-grained theoDenver welcomed approxi- ries, according to Dr. Geoffrey mately one thousand physicists West of the Santa Fe Institute. April 13-16 for American Physi- West presented the Leo Szilard cal Societys April Meeting. Sev- Lectureship Award Talk on Unienteen APS units participated in versal Scaling Laws from Cells to the meeting, including the Divi- Cities: A Physicists Search for sion of Astrophysics, the Division Quantitative, Unified Theories of of Nuclear Physics, the Forum on Biological and Social Structure Graduate Student Affairs, the Fo- Dynamics. West explained that he began rum on Education, and the Topihis research to answer the quescal Group on Gravitation. In one breakout session, Sci- tion, Why do humans live 100 ence and Communication: a years, rather than two or three Potent Cocktail, presenters dis- like a mouse? He joked that the cussed reasons for and methods question interested him more as of outreach to non-physicists. Dr. his own end approached. In studying bioSydney Perkowitz of Emory UniverWhy do humans logical systems, West discovered sity gave physicists metabolic concrete sugges- live 100 years, rather that rate scales aptions for effective than two or three proximately as the outreach in his talk 3/4 power of mass Talking Physics to like a mouse? over 27 orders of Regular People: magnitude from The Why and the How. complex molecules to the largHe offered a list of eight tips. - First, gear presentations to est organisms. West argued that these scaling rules indicated that the audiences level. - Second, in introductions, ex- fundamental constants underlie plain the topics significance to much of the generic structure and science, society, the audience, dynamics of living systems. He then switched his focus to and the presenter. - Third, talk no longer than the social systems, such as cities and companies. West found that the allotted time. - Fourth, spend one minute structures of these systems, such per slide when using a power- as crime, wages, and patents, point. Remember this is not your also scale similarly across the APS presentation, Perkowitz globe, reflecting underlying universal social network dynamics warned. - Fifth, minimize jargon and which point to general principles acronyms. If they must be used, of organization transcending their Perkowitz says, Define them the individuality. West said that this principle first time you use them. - Sixth, use math only in a had dramatic implications for table or graph, never as an equa- global sustainability. He argued that true sustainability requires a tion. - Seven, wrap up talks with a quantitative understanding of the reminder of the significance of the underlying social systems. West implored his audience to use their topic. - Eighth, and most important- thought processes to improve the world. ly, ideas trump details.

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Club Spotlight
Cycling
KC Kent Staff Writer
Founded in the 1980s, the Colorado School of Mines cycling team was revamped in 2005. Today, the club has about 35 active members who participate in mountain biking. Types of mountain biking are cross country, short track, downhill and endurance racing, cycle cross, and road racing, including team and individual time trials, criteriums, and road races. The cycling season happens during both the fall and spring semester of school with a short break over winter break. This years president, Ian Bloomfield, only participates in the fall, during the downhill mountain biking competitions, but Nick Jimenez, the team treasurer participates in both seasons. Both would vouch that their event is better than the other, but when it comes down to it, they are both bike racing events. The club allows for as much or as little training as the participants want. Throughout the year, the club offers one ride a week that is a group social ride where riders can meet other riders, talk biking, and get a in a good work-out. The team has numerous stationary bike trainers for wet, or snowy days. When asked about how much training is needed, Jimenez said, For the serious racers training is almost a

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year-long thing, typically consisting of six to seven days on the bike a week, with both distance and speed workouts. But not all cyclists at Mines have the time or dedication to put that much time into cycling. On this, Jimenez said, If you want to be a successful bike racer you need to spend a lot of time in the saddle. Not all members participate in the club to be serious bikers, some have joined to simply have a fun and enjoy the thrill of competition received through racing. Races take place in several locations across Colorado including Steamboat, Durango, Red Feather Lakes, Sol Vista, and many more. The team fee of $50 covers the costs of transportation, lodging, and race entry fees. Within two races, the fee usually pays for itself, and with a third race, the required collegiate racing license also will pay for itself. There are no requirements to attend all races, but according to Jimenez, They are a ton of fun! The best way to join the team is to sign up for the mailing list at the club fair at the beginning of the year. Club Cycling also has a Facebook page with information on races, signing up for the team, and general information about the club. This years CSM race was canceled so look for the team next year when they race around Mines.

Chase Tyree Staff Writer

Released for PC, Xbox 360, and PS3, BioShock Infinite turns away from the underwater realm of the first two games and goes to new heights, literally, taking place in the floating city of Columbia in 1912. The player plays as Booker Dewitt, a man from New York with a debt and guilt that can only be repaid if he retrieves a girl from Columbia. The city of Columbia is comprised of many different floating islands and is lead by its Prophet known as Comstock. Comstock created the city of Columbia and formed it after the three Fathers. Father Washington, who gave the Golden Sword, Brother Franklin who game the Golden Key, and Father Jefferson who game the Golden Scroll. As Booker heads through the city, he sees an exterior of fun, food, sunshine, and happiness, but discovers the deeper emotions for racial purity under God. This includes racism, police brutality, and rebellion. All these things affect this floating paradise, but they are no concern for Booker. His only goal is to retrieve the girl and wipe away his

Camp stove cakes

Chase Tyree Staff Writer
Few meals are as enjoyable out in the wilderness as pancakes. This recipe looks to take the classic outdoor breakfast food and move it into the kitchen. Ingredients: 3 cups of Krusteaz buttermilk pancake mix 2 cups of water cup of fresh fruit (Optional) cup of chocolate chips (Optional) Syrup Mixing bowl Whisk Pan or griddle 1. Heat up the pan/griddle on a camping stove, home stove, or turn on a griddle to medium heat (375 degrees). Lightly grease it with cooking spray or butter. 2. Place 3 cups of pancake mix in a bowl along with 2 cups of water. Blend the ingredients together with a whisk until they are mixed well, but still lumpy. For thicker pancakes, just add more mix to the bowl. 3. Add the fruit or chocolate chips to the mix if desired and stir until they are evenly distributed. 4. Using a cup measure, scoop up the mixed batter and pour it on the pan or griddle. 5. Cook on each side for about 60 to 75 seconds or until golden brown.
CHASE TYREE / OREDIGGER

debt. Story-wise, introducing the plot is all that can be said without spoiling all of the twists and turns that Bioshock Infinite has to offer. The social implications of the game hit hard. For example, in one part of the game, the player arrives at an arcade for children and sees that there is a whiteonly bathroom, which is well maintained and clean, along with another part for servants, which include African Americans, homosexuals, and the Irish. In the second part, signs to behave and call everyone sir or madam hang everywhere and the bathrooms are dirty, broken, and cannot even be called a bathroom really. Complementing the various scenes within the game, the music is a great addition. The orchestration fits the situations along with what is happening in the game. The fusion of modern songs in the game make it special. Fortunate Son, Will the Circle Be Unbroken, and God Only Knows are just a few that appear, their reasons becoming clear as the game continues. Most of these fused songs come during emotional parts of the sto-

ryline, conveying emotion that a person who was in that situation would feel. Lastly, there is the actual gameplay. BioShock Infinite plays like a book, with dialog, story, character development, and emotion, with the shooting aspect of the game blending seamlessly with the story. Like the other Bioshock games, the player is able to use guns and vigors. Vigors, like the plasmids, are special superhuman abilities like blasting fire from a characters hands or sending large groups of crows towards enemies. Used strategically, these can be a major asset. With the guns, the player may now only hold two, which means hard decisions over which weapons to use and which to throw away. BioShock Infinite has received many great reviews, including a 5 out of 5 from Adam Sessler, a famous game critic. Game Informer game Infinite a 10/10 and Electronic Monthly Gaming gave it a 10/10 as well. The game definitely deserves a 10/10. The game combines the shooting genre with an amazing storyline and beautiful art to create a masterpiece for all to enjoy.
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Community Spotlight: Clear Creek Wine and Spirits

Jared Riemer Content Manager
Clear Creek Wine and Spirits is an up and coming liquor store in the Golden Community, having only been around since the beginning of the year. What they lack in familiarity, they make up for with a knowledgeable and friendly staff, good prices, and a unique selection of wine, spirits, and beer. Clear Creek Wine and Spirits offers a large selection of all kinds of spirits including bourbon, rye, whiskey, tequila, vodka, rum, and mixers. The owner will also take requests. The beer selection includes all the major brands, Coors, Budweiser, Miller, etc., as well as many other Colorado craft brews and nationwide craft brews. Clear Creek Wine and Spirits also boasts a large selection of wines. If customers have questions regarding any of their merchandise or simply want to try a new drink, the staff will help find what they need. Customers will also find many unique brands of some of their favorite spirits. Located on the Southeast corner of Washington and Highway 58, (where the hydroponics store used to be), they are close to campus and well worth the short trip out of downtown. Their selection of alcohol covers all price ranges and tastes. Whether shopping for plastic handles or fine $100 liqueurs, they have it all. With a large selection of homegrown Colorado beer and spirits, competitive prices, and a friendly staff, this liquor store is a strong addition to the Golden community. Clear Creek Wine and Spirits offers a 5% discount to all Mines students, so Mines kids over 21 should check them out sometime and grab six-pack or two. Clear Creek Wine and Spirits is open Monday through Friday 10 am to 10 pm, Saturday 10 am to 11 pm, and Sunday 10 am to 4 pm.

The game combines the shooting genre with an amazing storyline and beautiful art.

Classic outdoor breakfast food migrates into the kitchen.

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Stephen Colberts Tek Jansen #1 and #2

Jordan Francis Staff Writer
Disclaimer: This column is an opinion formed by an author who does not have an omniscient knowledge of comics. It also contains a fair number of spoilers for the titular comic. Stephen Colbert is well known for his satirical news show, The Colbert Report, wherein he has previously featured the animated adventures of Tek Jansen. Jansen is a fictional hero who battles alongside the futuristic Alpha Squad Seven as a patriotic space freedom fighter who bears a strong resemblance to Colbert. This series was popular enough to expand into a full comic. Thus was born the Oni Presss short series of Stephen Colberts Tek Jansen comic books. This review focuses on issues #1 and #2. Issue #1 begins with Colonel Tek Jansen infiltrating and then freeing a group of oppressed and conveniently attractive alien women by stepping on and allowing a large cat to attack their oppressor. After basking in the admiration and gratitude of the ladies, Jansen hops aboard his ship Starskipper, wherein the reader meets his companionsC.A.S.E.Y., his loyal (and usually maligned) robotic monkey skipper, and Meangarr, the amorphous and evil little blob Jansen loves and keeps in a cage as a pet despite the fact that Meangarr is determined to kill Jansen through some foul method of torture. Jansen is then contacted by Overseeress Braina, a female disembodied brain who appears to be his commanding officer. Braina, like most women in this comic, has clearly fallen frontal lobe-over-brainstem for Jansen, but he rebuffs her advances with the statement that hes already married to every helpless man, woman, and child in this universe! She chides him for killing a target that he was supposed to capture on his last mission, but eventually clears him to land back at Alphalon-7. Upon arrival, the landing zone is filled with cheering crowds and for once, they are not there to cheer for him; it takes Jansen a couple of pages to realize it. No, the people have gathered to welcome a representative of a race called the Optiklons, who offer to share with them the secrets to eliminating most forms of suffering and the ability to create a utopia in exchange for one micro-percentage of Alphalon-7s surplus energy. Jansen, due to a highly developed combat instinct and not at all out of jealousy, is instantly suspicious of this generous proposition, through Braina forbids him from interfering in the situation. Jansen acknowledges the order, then immediately takes the sensible route for handling his disappointment and heads off to go drown his sorrows at a local bar. A quick brawl manages to bolster Jansens spirits and he resolves to stop the nefarious Optiklons despite Brainas orders! Of course, such bravery lands him a beautiful alien woman who Jansen wakes up alongside the next morning. Realizing that he overslept, Jansen straps on his jet pack (and nothing else), grabs his gun, and dashes off to confront the Optiklon representative in front of the planet. He urges the people of Alphalon-7 to consider that in a world where everybody is cared for, how could you be better than the next guy? After his heroic declaration that the people cannot allow themselves to face such a terrible fate as true equality he shoots the Optiklon representaBraina angrily tells Jansen that as punishment, he is being demoted and sent back to Alpha U to take his place among the inexperienced cadets. Jansen, of course, assumes that this is a cover story so that he can help teach and inspire the newest generation and cheerfully returns to his alma maCOURTESY STEPHEN COLBERT ter. He enjoys the admirations of many students, particularly females, and has no trouble with any of his classes until a professor begins lecturing on the Te c h n i q u e s of Surrender. Jansen, convinced that no selfrespecting Alpha Squad m e m b e r would ever consider surrendering, attempts to rip the mask off of the imposter professor. Unfortunately, the professor turns out not to have been an imposter, so Jansen rips off his face by accident. Determined to prove his point, Jansen grabs a few cadets, commandeers a shuttle, and heads off to tive, prompting their leader to de- strike first in the deadly Antagoclare a war which Jansen proudly verse, home of the Antagons, promises to be ready for. evil duplicates of everyone who Issue #2 starts some time exists. Despite the protest of after the last issue, with Braina the scared and uncertain cadets, showing multiple planets that have Jansen presses onward, encourbeen destroyed by the Optiklons aging his inexperienced crew to ever since Jansen started the war. engage in both space and ground combat. After a few impressive fights and a run-in with one of his many love interests, Jansen and the surviving members of his crew return to Alpha U, expecting a lecture from the now faceless professor. Much to their surprise though, the professor tells them that the ships they had attacked were Optiklon spies who were seeking deadly weapons in the Antagoverse. Jansen, of course, tells the young cadets that he knew this all along, gaining their respect and admiration for life. The cadets take the lessons of bravery, first strikes, fighting hard at all costs, and refusing to surrender to heart, as evidenced by the final page of the comic where the reader learns that most of them were killed, captured, or permanently traumatized in the following years of the war. Tek Jansen, however, survived them all and swore to avenge them. This comic is chock-full of Colberts usual tongue-in-cheek satire and humor, but manages to take shots at grand concepts such as blind patriotism, loyalty, and hero worship. The comic features many clichs like sidekicks who love the hero no matter how he treats them, companions who the hero loves despite how abrasive they are in return, plot clichs and contrivances common to hero-based comics, and even some of the admittedly stupid naming conventions of the industry. The little character interactions, such as those between C.A.S.E.Y. and Jansen, Meangarr and anyone else, or Jansen and anyone of authority, are pretty funny and keep the reader laughing and interested between the main plot points. These are good comics that have an actual entertaining story that audiences will want to follow, but the issues never take themselves too seriously and play up the satire whenever they can. This work has Stephen Colberts signature style and fingerprints all over it. Regardless of whether or not they are regular comic book readers, audiences who enjoy Colberts humor or satire in general, and science fiction enthusiasts alike would enjoy this series.

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Urban Gaming Club and the fight against the zombie uprising
Chase Tyree Staff Writer
Mines Urban Gaming Club (UGC), as told by founder and current treasurer Kate Lyssy, is a club that promotes non-academic related games to relieve stress for students and provides ways for students to not be stuck doing homework all the time. The organization is currently run by Ethan Morton-Gaught with others in what is known as the mod core. The mods create, plan, and execute games including the famous Humans vs. Zombies (HvZ.) UGC games have expanded to include Assassins, Mines Hunger Games, and soon to come Quidditch. Morton-Gaught said that The games of UGC are intended to be the best they can be. During UGC games, the mods are also the game masters and the referees who run the game with no outside help. For those who may not be very familiar with UGCs gaming options, here are a few descriptions. At the beginning of Assassins, players who have signed up with the computer system will be given the pictures and info of two other players. It is their job to kill, or assassinate, said players. This can be done in any creative way possible, but if the player being stalked sees the killer before the assassination can happen, the assassin can be called out and must wait 15 minutes before they can go after their target again. Once a player is killed, the killing player obtains that persons targets. This continues on throughout the game until one person remains, who will then become the champion assassin. Based on the famous series, Mines Hunger Games is a game of killing and survival on campus. UGC provides weapons and creates a cornucopia on Kafadar around which players form a circle. After the countdown, players have free range on campus to hide, kill, attack, and survive. Once players start dying, they will later be released as zombies like in HvZ and are able to hunt the remaining players until only one remains. The largest of all of UGCs games is known as Humans vs Zombies. The game is essentially a giant game of tag with everyone starting off as humans and three players become infected humans. If a human player is tagged, they become a zombie and try to tag other humans. Humans are able to defend themselves using Nerf guns and foam swords and tagging zombies with these weapons. It soon becomes a fight for survival as the number of humans dwindle down and the zombie horde number rises. These numbers are also put to the test during day and night missions around campus. Speaking of HvZ, the next game starts on April 22, 2013. To play, join UGCs Orgsync page, sign the release form located on the page, and attend one of the info sessions. Returning players who have performed all of these actions are ready to play. All that is necessary is to enter name and information into the HvZ game database on the UGC website. The info sessions for this week are on Thursday April 18 at 8 pm, Saturday April 20 at 12 pm, and Sunday April 21 at 7 pm. Rooms will be announced through advertisements so look for ads for HvZ. UGC hopes that students join in their games and hopes to see many out in the field.
CHASE TYREE / OREDIGGER

The mods of the Urban Gaming Club ready for action.

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Oz the Great and Powerful well received

Jordan Francis Staff Writer
This review contains major spoilers for the movie. Those who wish to keep the plot a secret should skip to the ninth paragraph. Oz the Great and Powerful is a new cinematic adventure that returns the audience to the magical land of Oz twenty years before Dorothy first set eyes on the fabled yellow brick road. This movie sets the audience alongside the Wizard of Oz as he takes his journey from simple con man to the great and powerful ruler of Oz. The movie starts with Oscars Diggs (better known as Oz), a traveling circus magician and experienced con man in the familiar land of Kansas, preparing for his latest show. During the course of the tricks he uses to turn a profit, he angers both the audience and the circus strong man forcing him to run away in a hot air balloon. The balloon is caught up in a tornado, and Diggs is whisked away to a whimsical land of magic and color. Upon arriving, he meets a young witch named Theodora, who tells him of a prophesy that a powerful wizard with the same name as the land will overthrow the wicked witch who killed the king. After Theodora learns of his nickname and sees a few of the magic tricks he uses to impress her, she tells him that he is in the land of Oz, assumes he must be the wizard, and takes him to meet her sister in the Emerald City. Along the way, Theodora becomes infatuated with the Wizard and Diggs saves a flying monkey named Finley. Finley swears a life debt to Diggs, and once Theodora is out of earshot, Diggs tells Finley that he is not the wizard and enlists the monkeys help in keeping up the act. When they reach the Emerald City, Theodoras more skeptical sister, Evenora, asks the Wizard to prove himself by killing the wicked witch, Glinda. Diggs and Finley set off on their task but get sidetracked along the way repairing a living china doll. The audience can assume that this character has a name, but shes only ever referred to as Little China Girl, or some variation thereof. China Girl, now also somewhat enamored with the Wizard, refuses to leave their company and joins them on the quest to kill the wicked witch. Of course, the trio finds out that Glinda and Evenora are sisters and that Evenora, who gave them their quest, is the true evil witch. Evenora watches this transpire through her crystal ball and decides to turn Theodora against Diggs. She tells her sister that Diggs was making advances towards both of them, which breaks Theodoras heart. Evenora offers to help take the pain away and gives her a magic apple that turns her heartless and also green, for some reason. Glinda is unquestionably the smartest character in this movie. She almost instantly sees through the Wizards charade and essentially tells him that he does not have to be the wizard they were expecting, he just has to be inspirational and helpful enough to incite the rebellion against the wicked witch. Diggs starts to question whether all this trouble is worth the effort or if he should just go home. Of course, since the movie has to give the audience the correct setup for the world of the original movie, The Wizard of Oz, Diggs does come back to help Glinda eventually. But what he does to fight the witches is a cool part of the movie, and as seen in the original film, it works and Diggs becomes the Wizard of Oz, ruler of the land of Oz. He has the few people who know by this point that hes not really a wizard help rig up a machine that projects his floating head to anyone who wants to see him, then gives various gifts to those who helped him take the throne. Some of the gifts are thoughtful, some are obvious tripe that he just happened to have laying around, and some are just downright insulting to everyone but the recipient. For example, he tells Finley that he is giving him a gift he has never given beforehis friendship. This would be quite touching, if it were not for the fact that there are several other people standing in the room at that time who probably thought that they were Ozs friends as well. After giving the gifts, he takes the throne and presumably waits around until Dorothy shows up on his doorstep. Spoiler-free below: This movie is okay. The visuals are good, covered in the expected Disney level of magic and whimsy, though if seen in 2D, it is fairly obvious at times that the film was meant to be viewed in 3D. The contrast between the black and white world of Kansas and the color world of Oz does not quite have the same effect today as it had when the original Wizard of Oz came out, but it is still an effective way to show the shift in tone and it does bring up a bit of nostalgia for viewers who have seen the original. The environment of Oz is gorgeous and highly varied depending on which part of the land the characters are in, but all too often it is a little too noticeable that it is fake. Again, this is with the 2D perspective, but live action characters are often noticeably standing in front of a green screen and while some interactions between CGI and human characters work well (such as when Finley sits on Diggs shoulder and some scenes with Evenoras flying baboons), the disconnect between the two usually winds up being fairly obvious. For instance, it never looks like Oz is holding Little China Girl, and in a scene where the baboons grab Glinda, the audience can easily see that something besides the baboons was lifting her up. The visuals for the final battle are spectacular. In fact, all of the final scenes are entertaining. Character development on the other hand, is forced at best. Most of the Wizards moments of growth are forced and contrived and in the end, he does not appear to have learned much, as evidenced by his gifts, almost all of which are either trivial or demean the other gifts and the recipients of those gifts. Theodoras subplot of turning evil is plagued by inconsistencies and irritations. She blindly trusts her sister and hence turns evil with no real build-up. She becomes vengeful against Oz without a good reason. After all, if she had no heart, why did she still care about the slights she believed he performed against her? It is fairly enjoyable to see Glinda as the cunning, manipulative, smart character in this film. She sees through Diggs immediately, always recognizes the situation and the assets available to her and works within those bounds, and manages to manipulate events to her desired outcome. The biggest annoyance with both the characters and the plot, however is the fact that, with the exception of the tornado, literally all of the problems and conflicts in the film could be solved if the characters took about thirty seconds to sit down with each other and ask questions or explain themselves regarding the situation at hand. It is not that one part of the plot is driven by such misunderstand-

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ing. Almost every part of the story is built on some miscommunication. Diggs could have even kept up the pretense of being the Wizard if he had ever bothered to sit down and straighten out the other incorrect ideas or if other characters had stopped to ask a couple of key questions before charging ahead and acting on assumptions. One or two of these sort of misunderstandings in a movie is, while sometimes still annoying, understandable because the characters are supposed to be human and humans screw that sort of thing up sometimes. An entire plot based on a constant stream of incorrect assumptions, particularly in situations where questions should have been asked, is infuriating and honestly a bit insulting to audience members. Die-hard fans of this franchise will like this movie. Even for the casual audience member, it is a lot of fun to get a chance to re-visit the Land of Oz and there are plenty of smile-inducing references in the movie to both the original film and the books. The magic tricks Diggs performs to fool the citizens and help out where he can are inventive, creative, and entertaining. It is a lot of fun to see Glinda take charge and basically become a temporary general and it is neat to hear this take on how the Oz got to the state it was in when Dorothy found it. The movie is pretty to look at and there are a few funny lines in there. However, fans who demand that more than one character in a movie display common sense on a regular basis might want to wait and rent the film so they can skip forward when these interactions get too irritating. Audiences who can enjoy something despite the fact that nearly everyone in charge is usually incapable of any sort of critical thinking should probably give this film a try.
COURTESY DISNEY

Die-hard fans of this franchise will like this movie. Even for the casual audience member, it is a lot of fun to get a chance to re-visit the Land of Oz. w w w . O R E D I G G E R . n e t

april 15, 2013

Baseball takes Club volleyball takes on on CSU-Pueblo a new inter-state league

Katerina Gonzales Content Manager
The Colorado School of Mines baseball team played the CSUPueblo Thunderwolves at Rawlings Field, losing the first two games, but taking the nightcap of the Saturday game with a spectacular pitching performance by Blake Dunham. In the Orediggers 4-2 loss on Friday night, sophomore righty Ben Gilman started on the mound and took the loss, as CSUP scored four runs, one of which was earned. The Mines defense committed two errors, but Gilmans performance was solid overall, including six strikeouts. Freshman righty Michael Tanner relieved Gilman with two innings of no-hit ball. On the offensive side, senior outfielder Bobby Egeberg led the way, going 2-3 and scoring on a double-steal of home. Senior catcher Jordan Williams drove in Egeberg with an RBI single in the fourth inning. Mines had no better luck Saturday in the first game, as they lost 6-1. Sophomore pitcher Eric Shannon started for the second time in his collegiate career and lasted four and two-thirds innings, allowing five runs, three of which were earned. Nick Vittulli ended the game in relief, allowing one earned run. Williams scored the lone run of the game for the Orediggers. Saturdays evening game was quite the turnaround for CSM. The offense exploded to score nine runs overall. Blake Dunham put forth a great performance, even carrying a no-hitter into the fifth. Mines finished up the series Sunday and will play the Regis University Rangers next weekend in Denver.

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Michael Kissinger Club Sports

This year, Sydney Liming and John Howard worked together to create a collegiate club volleyball league for Colorado and Wyoming. There has never been such a league within either state. Over the last few years, the team had participated in adult womens leagues. There are 16 teams from CSM, CSU, CU, DU, CMU, UCD, UNC, and Wyoming that make up the new league. Volleyball played in 6 regional tournaments throughout the 2012-2013 school year, and continually placed at least one team in the top 2 at the tournaments. The tournaments have been held at all of the different schools, with two tournaments being held at Mines. The program has continually improved and grown over the last few years. Four years ago, the team was unorganized and very rarely won. However, as the program grew the Womens Club Volleyball Team became more and more competitive. Along with their newly acquired league and

Orediggers make good efforts at Colorado invite

Courtesy CSM Athletics
Led by underclassmen Phil Schneider and McKenzie Zeman, the Colorado School of Mines outdoor track and field team had a successful return to Boulder on Saturday, boasting 36 top-10 finishes at the Colorado Invitational at CUs Potts Field. Schneider led a strong contingent of Orediggers in the mens 1500, taking second overall out of 38 runners in a time of 8:42.50, and was 10th in the 48-runner, 1500 field in 4:02:01. Senior Russell Drummond and junior Frank Socha finished third and seventh in the 3000 with respective times of 3:57.72 and 4:01.37, while senior Rick Davey (8:48.36), red-shirt freshman Derek Alcorn (8:49.84), senior Adam Bodnar (8:52.61) and junior Andrew Epperson (8:53.50) placed six through nine in the 3000. Zeman won her heat of the womens 200 in 25.88 en route to third overall out of 19 competitors and was seventh-fastest overall in the 400 with a time of 59.21. Both times are personal-records and rank No. 2 and No. 3, respectively, in the school record book. Freshman Margarita Schvachko was ninth in the 400 in 1:00.01. In the mens 400, freshmen Ian Rozier and Nicholas Masching went 8-9 in 50.74 and 51.75. Senior Tyler Curtis was the top Division II runner in the 3000-meter steeplechase with a NCAA Provisional and second-place time of 9:22.75, second-fastest in the RMAC this season and eighth-best nationally after conversions. He also took eighth in the 400 hurdles in 1:01.85. Away from the track, sophomore Ben Timmer took third and tied his school-record from last weekend at the Air Force Relays in the pole vault, clearing 15-7.00 (4.75 meters); freshman Kenneth Philpott was eighth in the high jump at 6-1.25 (1.86 meters) and freshman James Lewis and red-shirt freshman Andrew Eberle posted eight- and ninth-place efforts 21-2.00 (6.45 meters) and 20-6.25 (6.25 meters) in the long jump. In the javelin, senior Matt Schroeder and sophomore Nicolo Redfern had respective throws of 135-8.50 (41.36 meters), 128-7.25 (39.19 meters) to rank sixth and seventh on the day. Freshman Jacob Hollister (435.75; 13.25 meters) and red-shirt freshman Jace Warren (43-1.75; 13.15 meters) were 9-10 in the shot put standings; sophomore Austin Roup was 10th in the discus with a mark of 149-5.50 (45.55 meters) and junior Ryan Ewen took 10th in the hammer throw with a toss of 155-2.75 (47.31 meters). Sophomore Michelle Rigsby notched a trio of top-10 efforts, crossing in seventh in the womens 100 in 13.48 before taking sixth in the long jump with a distance of 15-11.50 (4.86 meters) and ninth in the triple jump, totaling 34-11 (10.64 meters). Senior Hannah Schuster finished seventh in the 22-runner, 1500 field in 4:46.65, while classmate Hannah Cooling (10:38.50), red-shirt freshman Chloe Gustafson (10:38.50) and senior Jackie Henderson 10:45.97 went 7-8-10 in the 3000 distance. Junior Casie Ratzlaff earned three top-10 finishes in the womens throws, placing sixth in the discus (115-9.25; 35.28 meters), eighth in the shot put (36-2.75; 11.04 meters) and 10th in the hammer throw (1393.25; 42.44 meters). Junior Kristina Gallmeyer placed eighth in the discus with a launch of 107-11.25 (32.89 meters) and senior Bailey Hoover, fresh off her program record from last Saturday, took seventh in the hammer throw behind a heave of 146-9.75 (44.74 meters). Three meets dot the schedule for the squads next weekend, beginning with the two-day Western State Open in Gunnison on April 19-20. The Orediggers will also have participants at the Bryan Clay Invitational in Azusa, Calif. as well as the renown Mt. SAC Relays at Mt. San Antonio College in Walnut, Calif. on Saturday.

membership, the team regularly attends the NCVF National Tournament. The program now consists of two teams that compete regularly, along with a practice team of players that attend only practices. Back in 2011, the Womens Club Volleyball team won the NCVF National Championship. Looking to reclaim the title two years later, the team recently travelled to Dallas, Texas on April 3-6 to compete in the national tournament which is comprised of over 300 teams. After winning all 3 matches of pool play on day one without dropping a single set, and splitting their games on day two, the team advanced to the single game elimination. On the final day of the tournament Mines beat the reigning champs Gonzaga in straight sets for their first win on the day. Unfortunately the team lost their second match to the University of Miami and finished in 5th place overall. Along with their 5th place finish, senior setter Sydney Liming was named to the D1AAA 2nd Team All-Tournament.

Unfortunately the Club Volleyball Team has no more remaining games or tournaments this season. However, you can find the schedules for at least 5 tournaments next year. Please visit http://recsports.mines. edu/2REC-Club-Sports-WomenVolleyball-Blue or emailclubvolleyballw@mines.edufor more information on next years schedule. If you are interested in joining the Womens Club Volleyball team, youre in luck. The teams are graduating 8 seniors and are looking to fill the void on their rosters with fresh young talent. Please email club-volleyballw@ mines.edu for any and all information regarding tryouts for the upcoming fall semester. The tryouts are usually held in late August or early September once the school year gets under way. You can sharpen your skills for tryouts or just have some fun playing volleyball by attending the open gym sessions in Lockridge Arena on Mondays and Thursdays from 7:00-9:00 P.M. for the remainder of the semester.
ALL PHOTOS COURTESY CLUB SPORTS

In 2011, the Womens Club Volleyball team won the NCVF National Championship.

There are 16 teams from CSM, CSU, CU, DU, CMU, UCD, UNC, and Wyoming that make up the new league.

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Study Break

Letter to the Editor

I understand that they may be Dear Editor, In my opinion, the student body mid-conversation with a friend but at Mines seems to have a problem I believe it is the respectful thing to with defining personal space and move either in front of or behind pigheadedness, particularly on the the person you are walking with to avoid running into someone else. main sidewalks between classes. The courtesy level of students I have been run into countless in regards times from opening lazy students I would really appreciate it to doors and who refuse to and I am sure others would holding them respect their half of the as well if we could all make for others is outstanding sidewalk and move out of a conscious effort to not run so why can we not figure the way. This out how to problem is into each other. avoid each greatly intensified by the presence of snow. other on our way to class? Just last week I was standing The limited walking space created by snow barriers leads to an ex- on the edge of the sidewalk talkcess number of physical collisions ing to someone who was walking because students are adamant away when a girl slammed into the about standing their ground and back of me and told me to watch not moving to their half of the side- out. I was facing the other way and not moving, the collision was walk. completely on her behalf. If you were driving a car, you would not run into the back of another car just because it was not moving. I think this kind of contact is unnecessary and can easily be avoided by people being courteous on the sidewalks. I would really appreciate it and I am sure others would as well if we could all make a conscious effort to not run into each other. Sincerely, Concerned Pedestrian
Editorials Policy The Oredigger is a designated public forum. Editors have the authority to make all content decisions without censorship or advance approval and may edit submitted pieces for length so long as the original meaning of the piece is unchanged. Opinions contained within the Opinion Section do not necessarily reflect those of Colorado School of Mines or The Oredigger. The Oredigger does not accept submissions without identification and will consider all requests for anonymity in publication on a case-by-case basis. Submissions less than 300 words will receive preference.

Campus Rumors: Does Chuck Stone wear pants?

Erik Hake Staff Writer
Physicists across the country work to solve the mysteries of the universe. The physics faculty and graduate students and Colorado School of Mines are no different. They strive to answer mysteries and questions such as: What is dark matter? Are the branching ratios of the Higgs Boson consistent with the standard model? Is the proton a fundamentally stable particle or does it have a finite lifetime as predicted by some extensions to the standard model? However, probably the single most asked question in the physics department is, Does Chuck Stone wear pants? As a physics professor who has taught both Physics I and Physics II, Chuck Stone is one of the most well-known professors at Colorado School of Mines, but few people if any have ever seen him wear pants. The Oredigger decided to take up the investigation and interviewed Stone himself to figure out the truth. When asked whether or not he ever wore pants, Stone recalled the last time he had to wear pants. He said, On Sunday February 17th there was a big luncheon with these students who had a really prestigious scholarship here at this school, the Boettcher foundation scholarship. I got invited to the luncheon, meet the president, a few others, and the Boettcher Scholars. I was told This is a formal affair, you better be there so I wore long pants to that. And then that following Saturday I had to help the physics department with Discover Mines, and my department head Tom Furtalk said and by the way I heard you wore long pants to the presidents luncheon, so you have to wear long pants to my event. When asked about why he is never seen wearing pants on ordinary days throughout the semester, Stone explained, You dont realize what youre missing when you wrap yourself up in a car and youre not walking or riding your bike or just enjoying the little commute. For me its just so much easier, more comfortable, more convenient and more appropriate. You know if you are going to run to campus, put on the shorts. If you are going to ride the bike, put on the

Bioshock Infinite
Chase Tyree Staff Writer

Worst game in all of history?

Bioshock Infinite came out just last week and has been the worst game to come out since Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. This game is so bad that it cant be explained in one paragraph, but requires an analysis its different aspects. First off, the gameplay of this game is a dumb idea. It is a first person shooter. A shooter? Guns are immoral and even the thought of guns should get school children suspended from school to teach them how bad they are. This game would be better if your weapon were flowers and you attack with the power of love. Now that is a perfect game! Guns lead to kids getting a hold of their own guns and killing everyone at their school for fun. Story-wise, this game is just plain stupid. A floating city in 1912? Thats not possible. Thats like saying there could be an underwater city in 1960. Games need to be realistic. Now, if the main character, Booker, were to instead go to a Physics 200 class and sit in on one of Stones lectures, that would make the game more realistic. Instead, Booker is told to go to this magical floating city and retrieve

the girl to wipe away his debt. If this guy was just a normal guy and didnt give into the temptation of gambling and drinking and instead turned to God for everything, he wouldnt of been in this mess and could live a happy life. Also, most students who have taken NHV are familiar with the subject of gene splicing. This game turns the subject into something happy when Booker drinks strange substances to gain these powers. It looks like his alcoholism is coming out again, which is the reason hes there in the first place. Booker is a character that no one would want to be, except maybe the people over at CU Boulder. This game is not good at all, with shooting other people and splicing your genes. That is just immoral and not the will of God. 2K games is not doing a good job with keeping up with what the gamer community wants. We want peaceful games that teach love and being perfect instead of games that are all about violence and killing. The Oredigger would like to put this game in the spot for worst game ever. For a more fun time, go home, open a can of sparkling water, and play some ET: The Extra Terrestrial for the Atari 2600. That is a perfect gaming night!

Jarrod Sparks Staff Writer

Grinds my gears

shorts. Stone explained his preferred mode of transportation was such because he prefers an active lifestyle and wants to reduce his carbon footprint. It should be noted that Stone lives about six miles away from campus. Now knowing that Stone commutes without a car to campus one would wonder what Stone does in cold weather. But his response to this question was, The thing of it is, if youre moving, you stay warm. Now everyone can sleep in peace knowing the truth about Stones pants.

You know what really grinds my gears? Whatever organizational body is in charge of campus improvement This group has planned not only to shut down every road in inner campus, but they are also planning on removing all non-gluten and non-vegetarian options from campus dining. This means no more beef, no more chicken, and no more good pasta or pizza. As Ron White famously said, I didnt climb to the top of the food chain to eat carrots. These people are trying to pressure us into a fit and active lifestyle that is so different from the sedentary and unathletic lifestyle we live now that it is dangerous. I am truly frightened. Furthermore, what about student rights? I want the right to drive my car wherever I please, park it wherever I wish, and walk however short I like. I

also feel like I have the right to eat are perfectly fine with being the whatever I like. workhorses of society, the whiteThis is a school of engineers, collar workhorse. If we all wanted not dieticians. We build stuff, do to be glamour models, we could math, and have been, our appear- This group has planned not but we anance suffers swered to a as a result. It only to shut down every road higher callis the way the Write in inner campus, but they are ing. world works. your local S o m e o n e also planning on removing s e n a t o r , has to be the congressbalding per- all non-gluten and non-veg- man, mayor, son with poor justice of the eyesight and etarian options from campus peace, radio thick glasses dj, generdining. that ensures ous donor, the investor someone ment bankers Ferrari does not who decided to make social netcollapse the bridge. Someone working a career and tell them has to be the computer program- not to mess with our diet. We are mer that keeps the electricity a society of enginerds, and if we flowing so the Pauly Ds bass will aint broke, dont fix us. I want to drop at the right moment. Finally, continue to raise my cholesterol someone has to be drillin hole, as I get older, and eat something to provide fuel so hundreds of other than vegetables to get me thousands of rednecks will have going. some NASCAR to watch after And that, ladies and gentlechurch on Sunday. As nerds, we men, is what grinds my gears.

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