Bobadilla 1

Gissell Bobadilla
Jennifer Rodrick
English 115
December 9, 2016
The Cactus in Me
Living in Los Angeles calls into question, every day, just what is normal?
Everyday, everything functions just a shade differently. This city is the home of fresh
beginnings; people are entitled to start from scratch. But it is brief and provisional.
Occasionally life makes a drastic turn. Just like how Hollys, the central character of
Cactus, life did. Her identity is then shaped to living in Los Angeles; being the
demanding girlfriend she is she pushes away her boyfriend and as a result isolates herself
from the city, avoiding any human contact days after the death of her former boyfriend
Josh, who we later see symbolize the emotions of a cactus itself.
Before the horrible incident, Josh treasured nature and frequently made visits to
the desert. Holly never seemed to be content about it because it took time away from
being together. He grew sick of her not letting him have his freedom. She was constantly
pulling him back. Until one day Josh decided it was time for a new fresh start, they both
parted ways. He drove out to the Mojave by himself in his truck and parked it across the
desert. It was then when he could be at peace, looking above at the sky full of stars never
imagining what would happen next. An airplane crashed at the very spot he was in taking
away his life. After Holly received the news she realized she wanted to be deserted and
secluded from everyone. Everything was so surreal to her as if she was living in a
nightmare. Holly slept in her bathtub for what seems to be days or perhaps weeks, the

Bobadilla 2
only person she interacted with was Paul, Joshs younger brother. He would check up on
her to see how she was doing, Its April, and hes trying to get me to flower again. Hes
trying to peel back a layer of me to get where its pulpy and soft. (Ison, 134) She felt
dead inside; nothing anyone could try and do would help her forget Josh. She wanted no
part in the city and was satisfied in the home she was in.
The only way she could relive the moments with Josh was to think back at the
memories they shared. He was deeply in love her but she was too demanding to see that.
The thought of losing him was always at the back of her mind. When Holly finally
decided to give in and accompany him to the desert she realized how unfair she had been
to him. She remembered pieces of him, He kissed me and then I could breathe again,
fully, breathe in the air that was him, breathe in the having him to hold on to, what always
made me feel found and unbound, blessed. (Ison, 128) She felt alive. She knew she
could never be in love with someone else like the way she was in love with Josh. On the
trip there Holly wanted her very own cactus, And youre a lovely cactus, I said, but this
way if you ever leave me, I will always have the real thing. (Ison, 128) To her having the
cactus at home where she can see it, meant having a part of him with her everyday.
Looking at it made her feel victorious. She felt very peaceful and secure.
Holly in a sense relates to the cactus that has so much meaning to the story, they
both symbolize isolation and disparity. The cactus has grown in the middle of the desert
that is surrounded by nothing and Holly on the other hand has grown to like her solidarity
back home where there is no one to trouble her. Tara Ison goes on in an interview with
The Coachella Review explaining why she chose to symbolize the character to a cactus,
Shes an emotional cactus. Shes a spiritual cactus. I used that motif more because I was

Bobadilla 3
interested in a character who functioned like a cactus than I was in the desert landscape.
(Martinez: The Emotional Cactus: TCR Talks with Tara Ison). What Tara wanted to say
was that Holly relates to the cactus in an emotional point of view. A cactus in good and in
bad times will still flower. It defends itself against danger, but it harasses no other plant.
It adjusts perfectly to almost any environment. It has tolerance and enjoys solitude. As for
Holly, she protects herself from the rest of the world by staying at home; she enjoys being
by herself and wants no type of human interaction with anyone. She is going through a
tough time yet tries to keep herself from moving on, as hard as it is. She always wanted
Josh to be with her, to be attach onto him, just like a cactus clings onto stuff. At the very
end of the story, she decided to finally step out of the house, The cactus is waiting for
me It yearns toward my legs, first, my thighs, then the insides of my open arms, my
throat, embraces me even skin with its greedy tines. The cactus needs me. (Ison, 134) It
was the closest she could be to Josh, the cactus and Holley needed each other. Keith
Watson from Slant Magazine explained her viewpoint of the ending, One night she
suicides herself on a cactus shares something in common with a woman who atones for
her marital infidelity by surrendering her independence, tattooing her husband's name on
her breast like a cattle brand; they both have allowed a man to imprison their minds.
(Watson: Boundaries of Choice). Watson believes Holly felt guilty for sleeping with
Joshs brother and if he were alive he would never have forgiven her. The only object that
was close to Josh was the cactus; everyday Holly became more and more vulnerable. She
thought there was no way out of her depression, the man she loved was gone forever and
it was time for her to go as well. Angie, a person who loves camping and adventures went
out to Marvel Cave and captured this picture. In a way this resembles Hollys character.

Bobadilla 4

Holly is trapped in this cave with no way out after her boyfriends death. The light is the
same light that enters her home every morning. She knows she can step out and breath
some air but there is always the thought of the dangers the city carries in the back of her
mind. She feels it useless to interact with anyone, a part of her died when Josh left her.
Holly is left hopeless and believes there is no way out of this situation.
Hollys identity is shaped by the life she lived along with Josh in Los Angeles.
Before his death she was the girlfriend who wanted to be surrounded by him everyday,
she always needed attention and constantly demanded him not to do the things he loved.
After his death, she realizes her life is not complete without him by her side. Love is what
triggered her actions. She becomes this individual with no motivation in doing anything,
detachment from human contact is all she can think of. The cactus on the other hand is
something she relates to emotionally and pyschologically.

Bobadilla 5
Work Cited
Ison, Tara. Cactus. Another City: Writing from Los Angeles. San Francisco: City
Lights, 2001. 117-134. Print.
Martinez, David. The Emotional Cactus: TCR Talks with Tara Ison. The

Coachella Review. 2016. Web. 13 November 2016.

Watson, Keith. Boundaries of Choice Slant Magazine. 11 November 2015.

Web. 15 November 2016.

Angie. Spelunking Marvel Cave. Digital Image. Web. 15 November 2016.