1

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Subs by Traff and Raceman
www.forom.com

2
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Well, I don't know why
they need you in the studio.

3
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Surprise!

4
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Oh, my God!
Is this for me?

5
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I can't believe you made all
this fuss over my birthday.

6
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It's so incredibly thoughtful.

7
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Let me give something
back to you guys.

8
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* I believe the children are our future *

9
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* Teach them well and
let them lead the way *

10
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Hey, guess what, everyone?
I'm engaged.

11
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Engaged?

12
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Hey, this isn't gonna change the way
you dress or eat lollipops, is it?

13
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No.
14
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Oh, then congratulations.

15
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This is for you, Cerie.

16
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* I believe the children are our future *

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* Teach them well and
let them lead the way *

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* Show them...

19
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* All the beauty they possess... *

20
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Everyone, guess what?

21
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There's an antique car
show out in the plaza!

22
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How long is Jack gonna be?

23
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He's still on the phone.

24
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Area code 407?
Oh, no.

25
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When did this happen?

26
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407? Is that bad?

27
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It's fine.
It's gonna be just fine.

28
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Jonathan, these cheap phones
keep on shattering!

29
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You can go in now.

30
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No.

31
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Who let 407 through?
Jonathan, we have drills for this!

32
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Liz distracted me.

33
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No, I didn't.

34
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What's going on?
Business got you down?

35
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Business doesn't get me down.
Business gets me off.

36
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Now, what is your urgent
problem this time?

37
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Well, the writers and I wanted to get TGS jackets,
but the guy in accounting says
that we can't have the jackets.

38
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But Dateline has jackets.

39
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Jackets?
Is this what you're talking about now?

40
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:54,903
Jackets?

41
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Lemon, do you realize that your little show accounts for
3% of our revenue but takes up 90% of my time?

42
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Hello?!

43
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Now, would you do me a kindness, please?

44
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And handle your problems yourself
and stop bothering me.

45
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Is that too much to ask?

46
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Absolutely!
Forget it.

47
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I won't bother you
about anything anymore.

48
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Wow, he's a little bit of
a stress eater, huh?

49
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He puts up with so much.

50
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All right.

51
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Liz, you shoulda seen this guy
at the club last night.

52
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Everybody at this party is a Jedi.

53
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We must get our freak on
while our fruit is a-plentiful.

54
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Oh, naw!

55
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Oh, sounds like another great party
I wasn't invited to.

56
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Tracy, thank you for
the funnest night of my life!

57
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Love you, man.

58
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I love you too, J Bird!

59
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Yo, I don't like that dude.

60
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It's disrespectful
when he imitates me.

61
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I want him fired.

62
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Oh, come on, it's a goof.

63
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How would you like it if
I did an impression of you, Liz Lemon?

64
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Hi, I'm Liz Lemon!

65
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I like to wear man shirts.
Watch me skateboard.

66
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I don't skateboard.
67
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Hurts, doesn't it?

68
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I'm not firing Josh.

69
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You always take his side.

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Tracy, stop tasering him.

71
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See?

72
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I need to be respected, Liz Lemon.

73
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What do you know about respect?

74
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Please, Tracy, just let it go.

75
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Well, if you won't do anything about it,
then I'll just go over your head to Donaghy.

76
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No, no no, do not do that.
Don't bother him.

77
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I'll talk to Josh.

78
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Hey, Cerie, what are you doing?

79
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Oh, I let them do my make-up sometimes.
They say it's fun for them.

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She's like a Barbie.
81
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Oh, sorry, my babysitter got jury duty.
I think I'm going to kill myself.

82
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So, Cerie, how long have you known this guy
that you're marrying?

83
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It'll be two months in...

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three weeks.

85
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You'd love him, Liz.
He's so funny.

86
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He does this thing
where he screams at limo drivers.

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Yeah, it just kind of seems like
you're rushing into it a little bit.

88
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I guess.

89
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But we both wanna have babies
while it's still cool.

90
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I already have
all the names picked out.

91
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If it's a girl, Bookcase.
Or Sandstorm. Or maybe Hat.

92
00:04:55,215 --> 00:04:56,423
But that's more of a boy's name.

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Yeah, I was gonna say.

94
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It's just, you're so young, Cerie.
There's no big hurry to have babies.

95
00:05:03,015 --> 00:05:07,510
I mean, there are other things in life.
Like having a career. And working.

96
00:05:07,687 --> 00:05:11,522
And...having a job.
And working.

97
00:05:11,685 --> 00:05:13,483
You can have a career anytime.

98
00:05:13,648 --> 00:05:17,312
But you only have a really short period
where you can be a young, hot mom.

99
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If you wait too long,
you could be like...

100
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50 at your kid's graduation.

101
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50's not that old, Cerie.

102
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Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you 50 now?

103
00:05:31,125 --> 00:05:33,913
Paul Newman or Robert Redford?

104
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I've told you 1,000 times, Newman.

105
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Because I enjoy his
salad dressings and lemonade.

106
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Me too.

107
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:44,461
Okay, uh, Brad Pitt...
or George Clooney?

108
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Do you think
I'd be a good mother?

109
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What?

110
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Something is kicking in.

111
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And the last few months
I've just started wondering
if I'm ever gonna have a baby.

112
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I mean, I'm so many steps away
from being able to do it.

113
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And I panic that maybe
I waited too long.

114
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What if my junk goes bad?
What if Cerie is right?

115
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Wow, red wine is not your drink.

116
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I'm sorry.
I'm in my right mind.

117
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I just--it comes in waves, you know?

118
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And I love my job
and I love my friends.
119
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And if I am meant to crank out a kid,
then I have plenty of time.

120
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Uh, not really.

121
00:06:19,216 --> 00:06:20,002
Jenna!

122
00:06:20,177 --> 00:06:20,883
No, Liz, I'm just saying.

123
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If this is something you really want,
let's go for it.

124
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I'll help you.

125
00:06:24,098 --> 00:06:27,343
Please, let me help you for once.
We'll get you a guy.

126
00:06:27,515 --> 00:06:30,182
Like that hot dancer
Madonna used to have Lourdes.

127
00:06:30,345 --> 00:06:32,512
No no no.
That is not how I roll.

128
00:06:32,685 --> 00:06:36,063
Forget I said anything.

129
00:06:36,275 --> 00:06:37,562
Because you agreed to this.

130
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I did not make you sign anything.
I will not be intimidated by you!

131
00:06:41,447 --> 00:06:42,270
Good morning, Mr. Donaghy!

132
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:43,113
Go to hell.

133
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:46,111
No, thank you.

134
00:06:51,787 --> 00:06:53,833
Kenneth, I'm sorry.
How do you do it, Kenneth?

135
00:06:53,995 --> 00:06:58,461
How do you sit here every day
taking crap from people and you keep smiling?

136
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:01,632
My mother always told me
that even when things seemed bad...

137
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,091
there's someone else
who's having a worse day.

138
00:07:04,255 --> 00:07:07,340
Like being stung by a bee
or getting a splinter.

139
00:07:07,515 --> 00:07:10,841
Or being chained to a wall
in someone's sex dungeon.

140
00:07:11,017 --> 00:07:12,801
Isn't that a kick in
the soft stuff, Kenneth?

141
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:16,723
I mean, you gain strength from your mother
while mine is sucking the life out of me.

142
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:18,563
She calls me constantly. That was her.

143
00:07:18,736 --> 00:07:19,600
That was her.

144
00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:22,655
Complaining about where she's living.
Threatening to move in with me.
145
00:07:22,815 --> 00:07:23,699
Oh, how wonderful.

146
00:07:23,868 --> 00:07:28,248
No no no, that's not wonderful.
I run companies. Plural.

147
00:07:28,409 --> 00:07:29,323
But to that woman...

148
00:07:29,496 --> 00:07:33,031
I'm always gonna be the punk kid who cried
when Pop was run over by a mail truck.

149
00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:35,081
Oh my, a mailman killed your dad?

150
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:35,953
No, Pop was my dog.

151
00:07:36,127 --> 00:07:40,370
My dad left when I was two...
so I grew up calling my Collie Pop.

152
00:07:40,548 --> 00:07:43,210
My mother is my best friend.

153
00:07:43,385 --> 00:07:46,801
My mother tried to send me to Vietnam
to make a man out of me.

154
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:48,461
I was 12.

155
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,761
Well, my mother has her dark times too.

156
00:07:50,925 --> 00:07:55,100
But that's when I tell her,
"Mama, you carried me for nine months.

157
00:07:55,265 --> 00:07:58,602
Let me carry you now."

158
00:07:59,567 --> 00:08:02,313
You are a remarkable human being, Kenneth.

159
00:08:02,487 --> 00:08:06,362
I bought my mother a lovely
retirement home. In Florida.

160
00:08:06,526 --> 00:08:09,993
With a tea garden and fake rocks made of foam
because she falls down a lot.

161
00:08:10,158 --> 00:08:12,151
Got everything
she needs except a phone.

162
00:08:12,327 --> 00:08:18,043
I told those people, I made it clear,
do not give her a phone.

163
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:22,712
It's her.
It's always her.

164
00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:29,670
Hello?

165
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,682
This is Dr. Leo Spaceman.

166
00:08:37,856 --> 00:08:39,812
Oh, hi, I'm sorry.

167
00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,810
I got this number under fertility
in the Writer's Guild Health Manual.

168
00:08:42,988 --> 00:08:46,611
I'm also listed under meth addiction
and child psychiatry.

169
00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:48,021
So what can I help you with?

170
00:08:48,197 --> 00:08:52,823
I should start by saying that
I can't personally help you conceive.
171
00:08:52,995 --> 00:08:57,323
Something happened to me
while scuba diving.

172
00:08:57,498 --> 00:09:00,702
Hey, so Jenna tells us
you're looking for a babydaddy.

173
00:09:00,876 --> 00:09:01,872
She what?

174
00:09:02,047 --> 00:09:04,250
Yeah. So?

175
00:09:04,418 --> 00:09:06,711
So...

176
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,381
Are you kidding me?

177
00:09:08,545 --> 00:09:10,920
Now, okay, before you say no...
I just wanna say...

178
00:09:11,095 --> 00:09:13,172
our child would have a leg up
getting into Harvard.

179
00:09:13,347 --> 00:09:14,681
Oh, really?
Did you go to Harvard?

180
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,931
'Cause you haven't mentioned it
in like three hours.

181
00:09:17,097 --> 00:09:19,760
Our kid would have strong, flat feet.

182
00:09:19,936 --> 00:09:22,771
And if you choose me,
I agree not to take my shirt off.

183
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,520
But I do like to get yelled
at during sex.
184
00:09:24,697 --> 00:09:25,602
You're disgusting.

185
00:09:25,778 --> 00:09:27,770
Yeah, that's a good start.

186
00:09:27,945 --> 00:09:28,900
Ugh.

187
00:09:29,066 --> 00:09:29,733
Get out of here.

188
00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:32,941
Jenna had no business
telling you guys that.

189
00:09:33,118 --> 00:09:35,701
Oh, hey, blue pages.
What? What's wrong?

190
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:39,370
Jenna told the writers that I'm looking for
a guy to get me pregnant.

191
00:09:39,536 --> 00:09:40,330
Can you believe her?

192
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:42,040
I know.
It's so uncool.

193
00:09:42,205 --> 00:09:44,750
I mean, why would she go to them?
Who do you know better than me?

194
00:09:44,915 --> 00:09:46,582
Oh, come on.

195
00:09:46,755 --> 00:09:48,081
Didn't you have a vasectomy?

196
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,540
No, I just told my wife I did.

197
00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:51,131
And she doesn't get pregnant how?

198
00:09:51,307 --> 00:09:53,881
I fake it.

199
00:09:54,055 --> 00:09:55,220
Is Jenna out here?
Is she rehearsing?

200
00:09:55,385 --> 00:09:56,682
She's onstage.

201
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,760
Excuse me, Ms. Lemon?

202
00:09:58,936 --> 00:09:59,930
Uh...

203
00:10:00,105 --> 00:10:05,890
I'm not usually this formal, nor this bold,
but I figure time is on neither one of our sides.

204
00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:08,480
Uh, could you excuse us for a second?

205
00:10:08,655 --> 00:10:10,610
I'd kind of like him to stay.

206
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,112
Very well.

207
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:15,153
Ms. Lemon... Liz...

208
00:10:15,325 --> 00:10:18,030
I'd like to carry your child
if I might.

209
00:10:18,207 --> 00:10:20,951
I have a small ferret farm
about 60 miles north of the city.

210
00:10:21,127 --> 00:10:22,990
It's not much,
but it is self-sufficient.
211
00:10:23,168 --> 00:10:26,911
I can get cable if you want,
'cause I know how much you like the TV.

212
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:31,133
Sometimes I watch you watching it.

213
00:10:34,007 --> 00:10:35,670
Think about it.

214
00:10:35,847 --> 00:10:37,670
Jenna.

215
00:10:37,848 --> 00:10:41,011
Stop telling everyone
I need someone to get me pregnant.

216
00:10:41,188 --> 00:10:44,682
I'm not telling everyone.

217
00:10:48,896 --> 00:10:50,151
All right, guys, check this out.

218
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,943
Oprah and Steadman are the same person.

219
00:10:53,118 --> 00:10:53,731
You know what?

220
00:10:53,907 --> 00:10:55,280
I don't have time for this conversation.

221
00:10:55,445 --> 00:10:56,862
I don't have time for anything.

222
00:10:57,037 --> 00:10:59,862
That's why he/she won't run for president.

223
00:11:00,037 --> 00:11:01,873
Hey, you gotta stop doing that impression.

224
00:11:02,038 --> 00:11:03,161
Tracy hates it.
225
00:11:03,335 --> 00:11:04,870
What? But it's funny.

226
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:06,622
These guys like it.

227
00:11:06,798 --> 00:11:12,421
The Mars probe didn't brake.
It was attacked by a Martian cougar.

228
00:11:12,587 --> 00:11:15,381
This is how you take care
of things, Liz Lemon?

229
00:11:15,555 --> 00:11:16,760
I'm going to Jack Donaghy.

230
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:18,343
No, no Tracy, please don't do that.

231
00:11:18,515 --> 00:11:21,132
Too late. This is untoward.

232
00:11:21,307 --> 00:11:24,432
This is not toward!

233
00:11:26,275 --> 00:11:27,682
You better fix this, nerd.

234
00:11:27,857 --> 00:11:30,851
Otherwise, Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me
and then he's gonna kill you.

235
00:11:31,026 --> 00:11:33,812
And then he's gonna fold us up
in a pizza and eat us.

236
00:11:33,988 --> 00:11:34,690
What?

237
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:35,522
Hey Liz!

238
00:11:35,698 --> 00:11:37,481
I heard you're looking for a hook-up.
239
00:11:37,657 --> 00:11:39,491
Oh, you know what?

240
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:42,071
Everybody, stop working right now!

241
00:11:42,246 --> 00:11:45,083
I don't wanna have sex with any of you.

242
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:51,791
I have plenty of time to have a baby.
And I am not looking for sperm donors.

243
00:11:54,045 --> 00:11:55,671
Okay.

244
00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:59,882
But do you still want a sound hook-up
so you can listen to rehearsal?

245
00:12:00,055 --> 00:12:02,840
Yeah, thanks.

246
00:12:03,226 --> 00:12:06,393
How are you, Bobby? Good?

247
00:12:06,566 --> 00:12:08,931
Great.

248
00:12:17,825 --> 00:12:18,281
Yo!

249
00:12:18,445 --> 00:12:19,480
Tracy. It's Jack Donaghy.

250
00:12:19,657 --> 00:12:21,072
I hear we have a problem
with Josh Gerard.

251
00:12:21,248 --> 00:12:23,570
Damn right!
Keeps impersonating me.

252
00:12:23,748 --> 00:12:25,370
Making me into a caricature.

253
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,993
Well, I would take care of this if I could.

254
00:12:28,167 --> 00:12:28,992
But it's tricky.

255
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,912
You see, Josh's father's an assassin
with the Russian mafia.

256
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,172
They call him El Matador.

257
00:12:34,335 --> 00:12:36,462
Whoa. Those dudes are crazy.

258
00:12:36,638 --> 00:12:38,670
Forget it, I don't need any of that noise.

259
00:12:38,847 --> 00:12:41,011
It happys me to hear you say that.

260
00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:42,552
For being so understanding.

261
00:12:42,726 --> 00:12:46,182
I'm sending you our new super
top secret invisible motorcycle.

262
00:12:46,356 --> 00:12:47,352
For reals?

263
00:12:47,605 --> 00:12:48,970
[laughing] For realses.

264
00:12:49,146 --> 00:12:51,272
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to see a doctor.

265
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:54,983
I keep pooping during sex.

266
00:12:58,158 --> 00:12:59,531
Lemon, we have a problem.

267
00:12:59,698 --> 00:13:02,190
I have this whole Tracy/Josh
thing under control.

268
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:03,402
What are you talking about?

269
00:13:03,577 --> 00:13:05,822
Nothing. What are you talking about?

270
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:09,702
You. You yelling at the crew.
You trolling for seed.

271
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:12,293
Oh, it's a big misunderstanding.

272
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,672
Jenna thinks
that I want to have a baby.

273
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,882
I should have known this was going to be a problem
when I decided to mentor a woman.

274
00:13:18,047 --> 00:13:22,133
No, in fact, what I said was
that my body is trying to make me think
I wanna have a baby.

275
00:13:22,306 --> 00:13:25,183
But my body is not the boss of me.
My brain is.

276
00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:28,720
All right, if you insist upon
going all Murphy Brown on me,
let me give you a tip.

277
00:13:28,896 --> 00:13:32,430
Don't smother your child with affection
to compensate for not having a man in your life.

278
00:13:32,606 --> 00:13:35,233
Don't say you're the only man I'll ever love.
Even babies know that's creepy.

279
00:13:35,395 --> 00:13:35,980
Of course.

280
00:13:36,147 --> 00:13:38,652
Don't put little notes in their lunch bag
that say, "Mommy's watching you."

281
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:39,772
People find those things.

282
00:13:39,947 --> 00:13:41,021
I bet you behaved yourself, though.

283
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:47,360
If your child is a terrific hockey player
and a gifted flautist, don't make them
play the National Anthem on the flute in front of their teammates.

284
00:13:47,537 --> 00:13:48,910
Your mother did that?

285
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,491
Now she wants to move in with me.

286
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:52,663
I can't have that, Lemon.

287
00:13:52,835 --> 00:13:56,500
Then be an adult and call her
and say you love her very much.

288
00:13:56,675 --> 00:13:58,250
But that living together is
not going to work for you.

289
00:13:58,428 --> 00:14:01,132
Oh, no. You don't know my mother.

290
00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:05,592
This is a woman that actually had a heart attack
to prevent me from going on my honeymoon.

291
00:14:05,767 --> 00:14:10,302
Maybe her heart broke because she spent 20 years
raising you and you're a total ingrate.

292
00:14:10,478 --> 00:14:12,353
That's exactly what she said.

293
00:14:12,516 --> 00:14:16,940
Is this what you want, Lemon,
to breathe life into another human being

294
00:14:17,108 --> 00:14:20,191
just to spend the rest of your days
slowly sucking it out of them?

295
00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:24,532
No, that's why my brain is the boss.

296
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:27,571
Speak of the devil.

297
00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:31,123
Take a breath.
Be nice.

298
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,581
Hello, Mother.
So nice to hear your voice.

299
00:14:35,757 --> 00:14:38,213
No, I am not on anything.

300
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:43,460
I know that things have been difficult for you lately
and I was thinking you carried me for nine months.

301
00:14:43,638 --> 00:14:45,300
Let me carry you now.

302
00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:49,052
Well, right back at you, Colleen!

303
00:14:49,225 --> 00:14:50,011
Yeah, that's right!

304
00:14:50,185 --> 00:14:52,431
You cut Pop's balls off!
305
00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:56,602
And left him in the street to die!

306
00:14:56,775 --> 00:14:59,733
Liz, check out my wedding dress.

307
00:14:59,907 --> 00:15:01,730
Absolutely not, young lady.

308
00:15:01,905 --> 00:15:03,440
Kenneth, get Donaghy on the phone.

309
00:15:03,618 --> 00:15:05,483
Jonathan, I have
Tracy Jordan for Mr. Donaghy.

310
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,613
No. No no no no.

311
00:15:10,708 --> 00:15:13,661
Tracy, please.
Do not bother Jack.

312
00:15:13,835 --> 00:15:15,793
He is in a weird place right now.

313
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,123
Bebe Jackson's condo?

314
00:15:17,296 --> 00:15:17,700
No.

315
00:15:17,878 --> 00:15:19,332
A children's clothing store in Dubai?

316
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:20,580
Stop guessing!

317
00:15:20,757 --> 00:15:23,252
What I'm saying is,
leave Jack alone.

318
00:15:23,426 --> 00:15:25,503
Too late, Liz Lemon.
319
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:27,593
He called me five minutes ago.

320
00:15:27,768 --> 00:15:31,553
Five minutes ago
I was with him.

321
00:15:31,728 --> 00:15:32,680
How did he sound?

322
00:15:32,857 --> 00:15:33,853
What did he say?

323
00:15:34,015 --> 00:15:34,722
Nothing unusual.

324
00:15:34,897 --> 00:15:36,523
Russian mobs, invisible motorcycles...

325
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,390
Sex pooping.

326
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:45,523
Are you insane?

327
00:15:45,697 --> 00:15:49,992
What are you gonna do when Tracy asks Jack
for his invisible motorcycle?

328
00:15:50,156 --> 00:15:51,702
Uh... Yeah, dummy.

329
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:55,533
Here's what you're gonna do.

330
00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:01,423
It's not your mother.

331
00:16:04,178 --> 00:16:04,632
Hello?

332
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,883
Donaghy!

333
00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:06,801
What's up, Tray?

334
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:07,631
If in the future...

335
00:16:07,808 --> 00:16:08,383
In the future...

336
00:16:08,557 --> 00:16:10,672
- If I mention anything crazy...
- If I mention anything crazy...

337
00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:12,473
- Like an invisible motorcycle...
- Like an invisible motorcycle...

338
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,761
- It means I'm off my meds...
- It means I'm off my meds...

339
00:16:14,936 --> 00:16:17,853
- and should be ignored.
- should be ignored.

340
00:16:18,026 --> 00:16:21,601
Also, I think Josh Gerard
is a young Alex Guinness.

341
00:16:21,778 --> 00:16:23,522
Go back on your meds, Tracy.

342
00:16:23,698 --> 00:16:24,810
- Hang up.
- Hang up.

343
00:16:24,987 --> 00:16:25,940
- What?
- What?

344
00:16:26,117 --> 00:16:27,653
- Idiot.
- Idiot.

345
00:16:27,826 --> 00:16:29,443
Tracy, I've gotta go.
346
00:16:29,618 --> 00:16:31,993
Idiot.

347
00:16:33,038 --> 00:16:34,993
I think that went well.

348
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:38,543
Now you gotta call Tracy as Jack.

349
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:39,412
Or...

350
00:16:39,588 --> 00:16:42,712
I could call him...
as Christopher Walken.

351
00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:47,212
Do you not understand
what we're doing?

352
00:16:47,676 --> 00:16:51,423
Jenna, did you tell Life and Style
that your favorite book is the Koran?

353
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:54,090
I just wanted to sound smart.

354
00:16:54,268 --> 00:16:55,722
Oh, hi, baby!

355
00:16:55,898 --> 00:16:59,012
Would you take her for a second?
I'm trying to finish her eyes.

356
00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:00,350
Oh, I'm actually really busy.

357
00:17:00,528 --> 00:17:02,772
I heard you were baby crazy.

358
00:17:02,946 --> 00:17:03,563
No.

359
00:17:03,737 --> 00:17:04,773
Yes, she is.
360
00:17:04,948 --> 00:17:05,850
Please.

361
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:08,483
Oh, for the love of--nuts.

362
00:17:08,657 --> 00:17:09,611
Okay.

363
00:17:09,788 --> 00:17:11,942
Hi!

364
00:17:12,285 --> 00:17:13,361
How about that, huh?

365
00:17:13,538 --> 00:17:15,281
Yeah, she likes you.

366
00:17:15,457 --> 00:17:16,913
Go ahead, walk her around.

367
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,622
Oh, okay.

368
00:17:20,376 --> 00:17:21,333
Look how pretty I look.

369
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:23,963
Who's the cutest baby in the world?

370
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:26,380
Who's the cutest baby in the world?

371
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:30,632
Who's the cutest baby in the world?

372
00:17:32,517 --> 00:17:35,132
How did I get home?

373
00:17:35,308 --> 00:17:39,051
Why didn't you say something?

374
00:17:39,395 --> 00:17:41,811
Jack Donaghy.

375
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,693
Now, I know you asked me
not to say anything.

376
00:17:44,857 --> 00:17:50,443
But I think I know somebody that can help you
with your sex poop problem.

377
00:17:50,616 --> 00:17:52,780
Hi.

378
00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:55,781
Please don't hurt me.

379
00:17:55,955 --> 00:17:56,612
I can't help it.

380
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,412
It just pours out of me.

381
00:17:58,576 --> 00:18:00,831
I'm Jack Donaghy.
I'm important.

382
00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:02,330
I just bought the moon.

383
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:06,373
Oh, my God.
I'm doing it again.

384
00:18:08,885 --> 00:18:10,252
What?

385
00:18:10,425 --> 00:18:12,501
Mother, I love you too.

386
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:16,471
But living together
is not gonna work out for me.

387
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:18,973
Yes, I went this morning.
388
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,183
I don't know, regular consistency?

389
00:18:23,567 --> 00:18:24,603
I can't do this.

390
00:18:24,775 --> 00:18:27,983
Every day for the rest of
your or her life.

391
00:18:28,155 --> 00:18:31,021
And she will outlive you.
She's like Castro.

392
00:18:31,198 --> 00:18:35,901
And when you're done with that,
call my wife and tell her I'm sorry about
what happened with me and Keith and them.

393
00:18:36,108 --> 00:18:38,660
Wait, who?

394
00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:43,160
Oh, God!

395
00:18:43,337 --> 00:18:44,542
It's true that you had the baby.

396
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:45,583
I don't know what happened.

397
00:18:45,755 --> 00:18:48,421
One minute I was holding the baby
in make-up and then suddenly...

398
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:49,792
It was like highway hypnosis.

399
00:18:49,968 --> 00:18:52,501
You know, when you pull into your driveway
but you don't remember driving home?

400
00:18:52,678 --> 00:18:53,303
Oh, right right.

401
00:18:53,468 --> 00:18:54,881
And you have someone
else's baby in your car.

402
00:18:55,056 --> 00:18:56,881
I feel so terrible.

403
00:18:57,058 --> 00:18:57,550
Give me the baby.

404
00:18:57,727 --> 00:18:59,180
I'll try to smooth things over.

405
00:18:59,345 --> 00:18:59,972
What's her name?

406
00:19:00,145 --> 00:19:03,010
Well, Anna calls her Isobel,
but I call her Nancy.

407
00:19:03,187 --> 00:19:05,850
I think it might be a good idea
if I give Anna the rest of the week off.

408
00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:07,351
Seriously? We're really busy.

409
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:09,980
No, of course. Of course.

410
00:19:10,158 --> 00:19:12,060
Stealing a baby? Really?

411
00:19:12,237 --> 00:19:14,151
Hey, I found Isobel!

412
00:19:14,328 --> 00:19:15,480
I'm a hero.

413
00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,320
Hi, baby.

414
00:19:17,498 --> 00:19:18,990
Hi, muffin.

415
00:19:19,156 --> 00:19:22,820
Oh, I'm so glad you're back.

416
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,212
You're loving this, aren't you?

417
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:29,580
Oh, yes.

418
00:19:29,757 --> 00:19:33,962
I'm a big fan of kidnapping.
Especially by my middle management.

419
00:19:34,136 --> 00:19:37,712
So the thing you were saying about listening to your mind
and not your body, how's that going for you?

420
00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:39,721
My body's telling me several things.

421
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:41,841
First of all, I need to start working out.

422
00:19:42,017 --> 00:19:43,431
That kid was killing my arms.

423
00:19:43,606 --> 00:19:48,310
Number two, I could be very happy
with a baby that looks nothing like me
and didn't bake in my oven.

424
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:51,480
Three, I gotta let myself
have a personal life.

425
00:19:51,655 --> 00:19:53,190
What I've been telling you for five months.

426
00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:54,481
Well, you're right again.

427
00:19:54,657 --> 00:19:57,321
Right it down in your
little "I'm Awesome" book.

428
00:19:57,487 --> 00:19:59,280
Where are you going?
You have a rehearsal about to start.

429
00:19:59,446 --> 00:20:02,910
I stole a baby, Jack.
I'm taking a half day.

430
00:20:03,075 --> 00:20:04,203
Fair enough.

431
00:20:04,376 --> 00:20:05,662
I have to do some thinking.

432
00:20:05,836 --> 00:20:08,003
Maybe it's impossible to have it all.

433
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:10,290
Career, the family...

434
00:20:10,465 --> 00:20:13,922
But if anybody can figure out
how to do it, it's me.

435
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,173
That's going up.

436
00:20:15,346 --> 00:20:17,921
Oh, nerds!

437
00:20:24,016 --> 00:20:26,352
I was talking about you at work today, Mother.

438
00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:30,230
I think my boss, Mr. Jack Donaghy,
wishes you were his mother.

439
00:20:30,396 --> 00:20:32,522
Isn't that something, mother?

440
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:35,060
Yes, Kenneth, that's sweet.

441
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,110
Do you have me on speaker phone again?

442
00:20:37,276 --> 00:20:37,941
Yes, Ma'am!

443
00:20:38,115 --> 00:20:39,612
It's just like Charlie's Angels!

444
00:20:39,785 --> 00:20:43,533
Oh, by the way, did you get your old
Halloween decorations I sent you?

445
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,201
Oh, yes, thank you!

446
00:20:45,375 --> 00:20:47,412
I'm looking at the kooky skeleton right now.

447
00:20:47,586 --> 00:20:48,872
I love it!

448
00:20:49,047 --> 00:20:50,792
You're the best mother in the whole world!

449
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:53,041
Okay, calm down, dear.

450
00:20:53,215 --> 00:20:55,923
Yes, Mother.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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