THE SECRET LIFE OF TAX DOLLARS

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Trans Script

Jun 9th, 2019

INT. SECRET GOVERNMENT BOARDROOM - DAY

HARVEY starts up a POWERPOINT to OTHER OLD MEN who sit at the

long table. Coffee and Donuts. Loosened ties and rolled up
sleeves.

HARVEY
In front of all of you is a copy of
this tweet. Now we must answer the
cultural question...

On the screen is a blown up picture of a woman’s TWEET that

says “I really shaved my pussy before seeing one direction
when I was 14 what did I think was going to happen.”

HARVEY (CONT’D)
Do little girls really do this?

LOU
Little girls don’t need to shave.

CHAD
Adult women don’t either.

Everyone looks at Chad.

JEFF
(to Chad)
My man.

BRUCE
When I was in seventh grade, every
boy was talking about pube shaving
and “surprise blowjobs’. We also
did circle jerks for some bizarre
reason that I don’t understand.
Interestingly enough, every guy
seems to have been tricked into
participating in circle jerks.

An INTERN pours himself a cup of coffee.

INTERN
Fuck this earth and fuck this
timeline. Someone nuke the USA
already.

RON
(to Bruce)
LMAO where did you grow up.?

JEFF
(reading tweet)
Quarter Million likes.
(MORE)
 2.

JEFF (CONT'D)
Complete and total economic
collapse can’t come soon enough.

HARVEY
(to Jeff)
2030-2040. Just bide your time.

BILL
Yes they do, Chad. A shaved pussy
looks better. Also oral sex on a
hairy pussy is just unpleasant.

An ITALIAN GREASEBALL named VITO chimes in.

VITO
What the fuck, Bruce this is not
normal.

CHAD
(to himself)
Could this be proof the “AOC”
should be raised?

The COLOMBIAN DEEP STATE CHIEF MIGUEL chimes in.

MIGUEL
(reading tweet)
Stars on stage choosing random
underage girls to take to their
hotel rooms later. I’ve seen it
from behind the stage a shitload of
times. In Latin America.

BRUCE
(to Ron)
I grew up in the US, Ron.

VITO
(to Bill)
Firstly, pussies look disgusting
and whatever hides it is good.
Secondly, if you suck pussy, what
else are you willing to suck?

PATRICK
(Agreeing with Vito)
This. Imagine sucking something
that you stick your penis in and
ejaculate into. Fucking gross. It’s
basically licking your own dick.
 3.

ICE TEA
These sick kids convince each other
to shave their pubes, sit in a
circle, and then jerk each other
off. They call it the Bush Whacker.

LOU
Well my sister went to an only-
girls catholic school and she
started shaving at all off at 12
when it first appeared, same for my
gf, so I guess women hate pubic
hair.

MIGUEL
(to Lou)
It’s because they have been
brainwashed by culture that hairy
pussy is bad when in fact it is
good.

CHAD
Clumpy sweaty-pissed hair smells
bad and looks awful coming out from
a bikini.

JEFF
(to Miguel)
Women do stupid shit even if nobody
told them anything.

Vito has had enough, and stands up out of his chair.

VITO
Eating pussy is femdom for normies
who don’t know what femdom is. If
you eat pussy, you might as well
get fucked up the ass with a giant
cock in front of your girl because
that’s how she sees you when she
looks down tonguing her clitdick.
(beat)
Now, eating a woman’s ass isn’t gay
because a) if you get your ass ate,
you are automatically a bitch,
making her a bitch and b) she can’t
look down on you so your assert
dominance. If you ate her ass
missionary style, that shit is
gayer than eating pussy though and
you should suck my dick, you little
gay bitch.
 4.

CHAD
I've met 7 girls who have had
sexual contact with their dogs.
Ranging from letting the dog lick
their vagina/asshole to jacking off
the dog/oral with friends.
One who's had sex.
(beat)
Women are as filthy as men.

GOOSE
What does pussy taste like bros?
Serious answers pls.

HARVEY
(to Goose)
Depends massively on the girl.

CHAD
(to Goose)
Sweaty fish.

JEFF
(to Goose)
It tastes like piss.

VITO
(to Goose)
Like homosexuality and submission
to a physically, morally, and
intellectually inferior being.

LOUIE
(to Goose)
I can’t remember because I’ve been
drunk every time I’ve done it.

BRUCE
(to Goose)
Sweat and pee.

INTERN
(to Goose)
If she showers beforehand it
doesn’t taste of anything.

ICE TEA
(to Goose)
Milk and Coins.

HARVEY
Yeah, the age of "being innocent
until high school" is long gone.
(MORE)
 5.

HARVEY (CONT'D)
Most kids are fucking or at least
close to fucking before middle
school now. There's a reason you
see girls who still look like
fetuses in chokers and tiny shorts
and shit like that. Overweight
pedos, feel free to kill yourselves
over missing the boat.
(closing laptop)
Good work, gentlemen, let’s break
for brunch. Back at 2:30.

Everyone closes up their files and exits the room.