Just found these glasses: free

readme
issue #7,000,009
Inside joke: $3 Nov. 5 -Nov. 11, 2003.

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Carnegie Melton's leading source of Lego booty calls since 1895 -brought to you by the Activities Board

Hooked on Phonics Merges with Philip-Morris

In a move hailed by literacy advocates across
r r
early retirement after a 1991 study showed that
~~merica, Hooked on Phonics, a pioneer in more 6 year olds recognized him than ~Iicketi~
developing educated yTouths, publicly Mouse.
announced plans to merge with corporate
powerhouse Philip-I~Iorri.s, the world's largest Tests at the Cti=ert Center for Early Education
tobacco company. ".~~fter have shown phenomenal
repeatedly failing to con- results. "I gave Johnny the
vince people that reading is original Hooked on
FUl~Tdamental, we gave up Phonics book and lie just
and decided that onhr a stuck a crayon up his nose.
company= like Philip- ~-lfter that he started singing
~Ior~s could make chil- that Phonetic Ferret was a
dren think that reading is stupid-head. Then I gave We got Fancy Feast last time
cool. We desperately= need him the new version and lie
a hip HOP" said a Hooked got so excited that he Poor Family Rejects
on Phonics spokesperson.
When questioned about
sounded his ways through
an entire Surgeon General's
"Terrible" Food Banff
his company's intentions, warning, incluc~ i n g the Thanksgiving Basket
Louis Camilleri, CEO of words leukemia and
Philip-Morris, asserted that emphysema! The Smith Familti of East Liberty has
he has always advocated a message to organizations f2ulning
reading, emphasizing its cool, refreshing Unfoi-turiatelyT, some children couldn't stop canned food d~.ves for poor families
nature. reac~~ng after they started. "I can quit whenev- this Thanksgiving: "~To thanks!"
er Iwant! You don't know me!" screamed I~im
Last gear, the Smiths were the recipi-
The new company=, tentatively named "Hooked Baker, a kindergartener who was on her 100th
ents of fifteen cans of food for
on Plvlip ~Torri.s," will launch its new ad cam- consecutive reading of "CTt-Pen Eggs and
Thanksgiving diruzer, courtesy of the
paign. in Januai-~ X004. T1zis cutting edge mar- Hain." Older test subjects were even known to
Pittsburgh Food Bank. "Tl1at was the
keting ploy replaces its lame former mascots, expe~ence "Hogwarts Headaches", a term
Phonetic Ferret and Granny Grammar, with nerds gave to m~•aines caused by nonstop worst meal we'd ever eaten," said ~:~lec
the more influential role models Joe Camel and reading of Harry Potter books. There have Smith, father of the household, "`Yllio
the hell donates dog food to a food
the Marlboro l~1an. "It's great to be working even been rumors of phonics related deaths,
with kids again, but I've got a lot of catching but the bodies haven't been fotuZd yTet, accord- drive?" The family's dinner also
included five cans of green beans,
up.,. to do," said Joe Camel, who was forced into ing to the new companyT's lawjTers.
nacho cheese sauce, three cans of
Fraternity Donates Beer to Local Hot Chicks, Sluts chicken broth, diced pears, filet ptuZch
concentrate, and two cans of ~~attiral
~.-~ new service project started then we dfink the beer too!"
Ice beer. There was also one can of
by the brothers of Sigma said S~~E brother ~~.lex Barker.
green spray paint, which the fainilyT got
~~lpha Epsilon was a lnige suc- Baker then shotgluuzed a keg
high off of for dessert.
cess this weekend. Chapter of shitty fiat beer and passed
president Joe Marcus out.
The Pittsbuugh Food Bank is directed
explained the event, "Well,
by Cla~ssa Jennings, who did not
what we are doing is charging tiYlith the success of the event,
believe the food made for a bad meal.
admission at the door for guys the chapter plans to change
"C'mon, it's good stiiff. You could
and letting hot babes in for the "Booze for Babes" event
blend that up with some ice and make
free. Tlien we all get sloppy from an annual occurrence to
a pretty good pear and green bean
diluzk and hopefi.~lly two of evei~.~ Ffiday and Saturday.
r ~
daigtu~. Or put the chicken broth in
the chicks will make out. It's "We were thinking that it
Philanthropize those ladies the freezer to make some popsicles.
coYntnunit~- service, man." would be good to introduce
Oh wait, you're probably too poor to
freslunen to coinmtu~ity sei-v alcohol responsibly and to
have a freezer. Just use ~Totu imagina-
"Well, we're alwajTs told to tell ice, so we are going to hold a bang some hot skanks. It's
tion alittle and you can get some gour-
people that we do ... uh... week long B~-B event dtu~ng embarrassing to be the only
met ctusine out of that," said Jeruzings,
phil... and... tropy and that we Ofientation next rear," said house to have their buggy-
ifz between bites of cat food, "I don't
didn't just join S~~E for booze Barker. pulled over for a DUI... in
know what they're complaining about!
and sluts. We use the money Olio. `~'e still don't kizow how Suck it down!"
to buy the beer and then we "We want to show the campus she wotu~.d up there," contin-
give the beer to people and commtuvt~T that we can use ued Barker.
Issue 7,000,009
New Physics Placement Test: F is for Splat readme Gives Poor Kid
It was leaked out on i~londati~ b~ the Phti~sics
Department that a new pass/fail/free vaca-
tion placement test will be implemented for
the Sp~ng semester entitled "F is for
Splat." The test will be divided into two
parts: calculation and application. Students
will be required to calculate the correct
length of bungee cord needed to jtunp off
of Wean and dip their head into a bucket of
water. 1~fter doing so, thetiT must also calcu-
late the velocities, trajectories, and torques
of flti7ing canon balls while negotiating a
maze of convex mirrors. This part of the
test comprises oniti~ ?5% of the grade to
emphasize the true importance of real-
world application.
Students will be encouraged to "walk the
planck" and to "sttidtiT hard" for the test, as
phtiTsics department spokesman, Francisco
~~radajT said with a devilish gin. ti~Uhen
asked why this test was chosen, ~~radatiT
said, "~~fter 1-tuzning a battei-~T of tests, we
realized that the `l~ is for ~'~tom Splitting`,
`B is for Burn-You-With-Lasers`, and `C is
for Cannon Ball Catching' exams just did
not produce the quality results that `F is for
Splat' did."
Students were asked bti= the readme
reporter what their reactions were to the
test. "Who cares? I'm in CF~," complained
Irving Tnunbal. Two seconds later, lze was
sgtushed bti= a falling Physics I student. The
Cohon Busted for Egging Wean Hall
~~t 11:30 on Halloween night, Campus
Police responded to a report of a distur-
bance outside the 5th floor entrance of
tiYlean Hall. Upon arflval, theti foLuad Ci~IU
President Jared Cohon giggling madltiT and
throwing rotten eggs towards the weird
sculpture. Seeing the arflval of the campus
police, two other Luzidentified individuals
immediately fled the scene, but Cohon
remained huddled behind the giant idiotic
orange blocks shouting "tijUe draw the line
I~ere~" Cohon's pupils were slightly dilated,
but he showed no other signs of beifig
intoxicated. Cohon was unable to offer anti
reason for his actions. Under izztense ques-
tioi~zg, he sLu:rendered two small white
pills that were revealed to be sugar pills on
testing.
Cohon was then escorted back to the cam-
pus police station for additional question-
ing. readme acquired the police reports
- readme p. 2 -
;~~ti:>:
Not even ACME could get him an A
other CF~~ student the readme reporter
had planned to question ran away fearfullti~.
So did the readme reporter after stealing
the wallet of Ti-umbal and the Phti~sics I
student.
Most students are not looking foz-ward to
the test. "I'm a football platiTer - I didn't
think science would be so rough, so I took
ph~Tsics. Can I transfer to business now?"
Greg Parkman asked anxiously. The
readme reporter gave Parkman a strange
look and promptly pushed him off Wean.
To ease stt.~dents doubts, review sessions
have been held and will continue to be held
on i~Iondati~s and Fridays at 9Pi~I, on top of
Wean Hall. EIS will be standing by, in
China.
regarding the distiubance, in which he is
quoted as sa~-ing, "UPenn woL~ldn't get all
pisstiT about this. That's cuz UPei~uz knows
how to chill out. They'z in~T hoinies up
there. ~~TlitiT `~ou gotta hate the player?
Kizew I shot~lda taken that job." Cohon
then proceeded to fip off his clothes,
smear himself down ~-itli paste, and set
l~nself afire in anon-denominational sort
of protest against "the man" keeping him
down.
Computer Science freshmen were to be
assigned the task of cleat~ulg up Colion's
mess, but the~~ were all tflck-or-treating for
computer parts in Crert Hall. Therefore,
an odd odor continues to emanate from
the vicinitti of Wean Hall. Cohon was
r
released the next morning into the custody-
of UPitt soro~tti- girls who slapped his butt
and planned to take l~if11 clubbing.
November ~ -November 11
Chocolate Factory After
Tour of AB Office
Last week, read~.ne placed special golden tick-
ets in five issues, as part of a grand contest to
see who would take over readme's possession
of a Chocolate Factor`T. Five students showed
up at the ~3B Office two nights ago to redeem
the tickets for their prize. What they got was a
joLu~etir into their own souls. Ok, so it was
actuallti~ just a toux of the two rooms of the
1~B office.
Tlie five students, a greedy Southern girl, an
overweight Ge~nan student, two other stereo-
~~Apical students, and a poor ~~neflcan boy
who's grandparents all sleep in the same bed.
Tlie tour started with Cl~.ris Rotella emerging
from the office limping and supporting leis
meager, emo weight on a cane. However, once
he put on his magical Rivers Cuomo brand
emo glasses, lze sprang up to greet the guests.
Tlie students were welcomed into the office
and the tofu_ began in the first room. Students
were scared of what they thought were
Oompa Loompas, but thetiT were actualljT just
the ~-~B Tecli members sittitzg around looking
at magazines about lights or something.
Tlie German student was the first to break the
n~les when he tamed to eat the readme pretzels
without pa~~ing $"10, so Chess Rotella lead the
.~~B Tech members sing a song and kick hi.m
out of the office. IVText the bratty- Southern gul
wanted to buti~ the Street Fighter II machine
and wouldn't shut up about it, so Chfls Rotella
was again forced leave the Tech members kick
her out after singing a stupid song about it.
The two other stereot~~pical kids were later
kicked out in the second room for doing
something stereotypical.
.~~t the end of the tour, the only student
remaining was the poor, l~Ynet7can boti~ and his
Grandfather, who he brought along for some
reason. readme rewarded the boy- with R-
I~ellti's hit albLun, Chocolate Factoi~cT, and told
hitn to leave. Readrne also corninented that he
sliot~ld make sure the door doesn't lut hun on
the ass on lus way out. readme kept its cool-
ass fl~Ting elevator for itself.
issue 7,000,009 - readme p. 3 - November 5 -November 11

Top Unwanted $800 Spent Advertising a $250 Party

Lego Kits I~Tembers of the ~~sian Student ~~ssociation
wanted their latest part- to be super awe-
~~,<:
some, so tlleja went all out with tlleir adver-
tising. Je11n~- Li, 1~5~~ president, said "Look
gu`~s, we gotta have the best part ever, and
to do that, we're gonna need like 40 million
fl~Ters that are all laminated and have some
J

realljT cool name like, `Disoriented."' _Je11nj'

then answered her ti11~T, expensive cell phone
that has t111j' Flello I~ittj- cllat-ms hanging off
o f it. ~~~:::<frr>::N=~
~: I wanted to go
Lego Cllildren's Lego ICY Je11~- l~S~~ quickly- went down to ILi11ko's in their
Tj-lenol Lego Sperm~~ Old black BMWs and dropped X800 on the fl~Ters
and posters for their pai-t~. However, this Tl1e part- in question o111jT cost 1~5~~ X250
Lego Pregnanc~- Condom
wasn't really a big deal to them as t11e~T all and wasn't that big of a success, but there
rI'est Lego Prison Bitch was lots of bubble tea. The reason for the
Lego Weed Lego Hate Crime have tons of mone~~ and X800 is, like, ilotll-
ing to them. They drove back to campus, part's failure was that all 57 other ~~sian cul-
Lego Giant Lego Lego Holocaust ture organizations were also tllrowillg parties
Lego Stepfather Lego ~.Ij Eggo taking a short break to do some illegal street
racing, and then started to pass out their fl~T- on the same night. ~~t the end of the night
Lego Breast Lego His toi.~. though, a giant robot showed up and pla~-ed
Implants Degree ers to every-Tone.
DDR.
Lego Contact Lens Lego You're
Lego He-men ~~dopted
Lego Las Lego Goatse Obese Math Major Eats First 100 Digits of Pi
Lego Circumclsioll Lego Hot Parental
I~it Sex Jacob Tubman, a 350-pound math major ~~:~:~:
Lego Stew Lego Thong and self-described "Pie-allolic", is being
Lego Pubes Lego Cruxification questioned bj7 the Nerd Police for allegedly
Lego Boxing I~it eating the first one-hundred digits of the
Gloves Lego Illegitimate number pi. Pi, the ratio of a circle's circum-
Lego readme Child ference to its diameter, was alwa~-s known to
Lego String Lego Parkinson's be about 3.1416. Now, thanks to Tubmall,
Lego You're Gad- Disease professors are changing their textbooks to
Lego Rivers Cuomo Lego Sui-pt-ise Sex reflect pi's new value, 9.8215. ~:
Emo Glasses Lego Malignant <~:
Lego Stick of Gum ZyL11110 r readme interviewed Tubman to find out wh~T Because of Tubmai-1's appetite, ~~the eartll
Lego Lego Set Lego Your Dog's he did this. "Well, I just love pie," 11e said, now takes 3 ~~ears to revolve around the sun,
Receipt Dead `lend when I learned that pi has infinite dig- but on the bright side, Tour car's gas mileage
Lego Perfume Lego Sausage Fest its, Ifigured 110 one would notice if I took is now 3 times better, and ~~our beer can
Lego Sandwich Lego BEEEEEES! some." holds 3 times as much beer.
Lego Drunk Fat Lego Creepy
Cluck CTrandmotller Nerd Police C11ief Simon Proleck~- declined In related news, fellow math major Lance
Lego Rectal Lego l~lotorcj-cle most of readme's questions, but did sajT that Schwartz died of a dt-ug overdose at a rave
Thermometer ~~ccldent "I thought us cops were pigs, but tllis dude on Fr-ida`T after eating the first 30 digits of e.
Lego Wllite Stripes Lego ~~IDS takes the cake, er, pi. He didn't even consid- Other lrrati©11x1 numbers are urged to use
`Tideo er the ramifications of his decisloll." caution around nerds.

Editing & Writi~ Staff

DDR: Chris Rotella
Pump it Up: Muffin, Aileen D'Esposito, Dana Vinson, Greg Modzelewski, Brian Leahy, Brian Gray,
Ashley Holtgraver, Esteban Bowles-Martinez, '~, Andrey Dolgov, Alison Lauer, AB Hair Chris Smoak,
Fred Merkle, Alisa Brown, Zachary Harris, James Troup, Katie Wallat, Mike Blain, Evan Sundwick,
Karthik Parasuraman, Jake Portnoff, Zach Hiwiller, Sarvajit Patil, Adam Suhy, and Andrew Klein
What is readme? Well, it's fu1111j' and it's useful. ~,11d free. So it's better than sliced bread. activities board
v
Who makes it? readme is pt-inted b~- the ~~ctivities Board, sponsored b~- -our student activities fee
Where do i get it? readme is handed out at .~~B events and left 111 stacks around campus
Online: vwvw.activitiesboard.org/readme
How do I help? Email crotella~andrewcmu.edu. We need fu11n~- writers, non-funll~a writers, and Pllotosllopers
And remember: Oi11~T a couple of sllir-ts left!
Issue 7,000,009
This is the True section, where we tell you how to live your life
Pretty kinky
~~n Indian man will marl-~~
two sisters simultaneousl~~
next month in an arrange-
J
ment that has the blessing
of their falni).ies but wllicll
has raised legal dilemmas.
Somewhat kinky
~ Polish undertaker was
caught with his hearse
packed with illegal ciga-
rettes oil F1"lda~~, Polish
customs officers said.
"Tl1is attempt was a bit
morbid. Even on
Halloween," said a spokes-
woman for the customs
office 111 the eastern cit~T of
Przem~-sl.
readme shirts, $10
consistantness,
$10 ghetto ad
-readme p. 4 -
An emu-lated work
out
~~ 6-foot-tall emu led a
half-dozen Florida pest
control workers on a 90-
minute chase through
woods and brush land
before the flightless bird
was snared and then gang-
tackled.
A new undertaking
~~ senior local government
official in the Philippines
has suggested that the
dead should be buried in a
vertical position because
the biggest cemetel-~a in the
capital l~~Zanila has run out
of space. 'Tl1e head of the
November 5 ~ November 11
Cheap Movies at
McConomy
All the nights, brought to you by A►B, except
citt-'s health department Saturday which is SDC. - 1 Buck.
said the move would
enable three corpses to be Wednesday: Drowned Out (AB Political
buried in the space cur- Speakers) After the lecture
rentlj- occupied bjT one. ~'111s documentai-~- features the tale of a family in
India that decides tllej- would rather drown in their
Put your money soon to be submerged village than relocate. "Tllere
where your mouth will also be a lecture b`T the films Director Frann~-
is? ~~1-mstrong, who's other notable film was l~kL,ibel.
Despite threatening to
bo~~cott French products Thursday: That Obscure Object of
when Paris opposed the Desire 8, 10, 12
U.S.-led war in Iraq, So Ili°IDS can't decide if this movie is from France
~~merlcans overtook or Spain. ~n~~llow, it's about tllis gu~T that dumps
Germans as the biggest water on tllis girl, then spends the rest of the film
spenders on France's in flashback tallying about why- he dumped said
~ o rde aux wines 111 the water.
2002-03 sales ~~ear.
Friday: The Hulk 7:30, 10, 12:30
He's big, and he's green, and he has a fully featured
stuffed tojT. but that toj~ isn't lf1 this movie. 'Tl1is
was a prett~~ big movie done b~~ the same guy' that
did Crouching ~'iger, Ridden Dragon, wllicll is
sort of odd. He'll probably- smash a lot of stuff
and deflect nuclear missiles with his face, cause
he's the Hulk. Go see it!
Saturday: Terminator 3: Rise of the
Machines 8, 10, 12
Let's just ignore all the governor of C alifo rnia
jokes I could make and just saj~ that this movie is
the third Tet-lnvlator movie and it's prett-~~ cool. ~~
lot of cars get blown up for no reason and there's
an evil female 'Terininati-ixxx! So go see this
movie because it's the last new
Scllwarzeneggererrserser movie jTou'll see in a long
time. ®11, and 11is state is on fire.
Sunday: The Last Unicorn 8, 10, 12
"'Tl1e Last Unicorn lit the world goes on a quest to
discover what ~~ ~~~ happened to all the others of
her kind. ~~long t11e wajT she meets a variety- o f
interesting characters includillg the rather inept
Scllmendr-ick the ~Tagician, a sensible middle-aged
woman named ~Iollj- G1-ue, and the evil IL111g
Haggard." 'Thanks I~~~! Igo thanks to ~-ou,
~Tuffi~z!
Hey you.
Yea, you.
Join readme
email crotella@andrew.cmu.edu
Issue 7,000,009
This is the True section, where we tell you how to live your life
Well, sort of. Rather than telling you what
show to go to this week, I'm feeling a bit
chafitable. ~~s a result, I will provide a short-
er preview of each of the several shows I
endorse spending tiTour hard-earned dollar at
this week. Unfortunately for those of you
who are as eclectic as I, this works out to
four shows on two nights. Good luck with
that. For specific details regarding place and
time, check the Back Page or the Internet.
Event #1: The G3 Tour with Steve tai, Joe
Satfiani, and Yngwie 1~Ialmsteen. Tl~.ree of
the best guitarists of our time, all together on
one stage. Effectivelti=, it's gonna be two
hours of fidiculous guitar solos. What's not
to love? Sure, it's not a cheap ticket, but it's
a great chance to see some good rock. ~~nd
it includes one of the coolest names (and
best guitafists) in metal: YNGWIE ~L~I,M-
STEEN!
Event #2: The ~Tiolent Femmes are back.
Unfortunately for those of ti-ou determined
to see Yngwie, this is the same night. But the
Violent Femmes damn near created alterna-
tive music and college radio and all that won-
derful stuff we take for granted now ~~id
with classics like "Blister in the Sun," "Kiss
Off," and "~~dd It Up," it's a wonderful
karaoke opportunit-~~ without embarrassing
yourself — everyone else is going to be
singing along, and fortunately for ever-~-one,
Gordon Gano has a microphone to drown
yOtl al). OLlt!
Event #3: "The Greedy Bastard Tour"
Censored TV: Tuesday nights at 8 and 10 in McConomy
CensoredTV is a collection of never
before seen pilots and censored comedy
TV shows that were too edgy, unconven-
tional, or controversial to be aired. Free
with ID
HEAT-VISION & JACK
~~n awesome action-comedy about asuper-
intelligent astronaut and his talking motorcy-
cle on the ru.n from a vicious N~.3S~3
enforcer.
Wfitten by Rob Schrab and Dan Harmon
Directed bti- Ben Stiller
Starling Jack Black, Owen `Filson, Ron Silver
THE LEWIS LECTURES
~.~xiumated pilot about a dog as a motivational
speaker ti-~~ing to educate other dogs.
-readme p. 5 - November 5 -November 11
comes to Pittsburgh, and Eric Idle (jTes, the
l~°Iontti~ Pti~tlion Efic Idle) leaves no doubt as
to wliti= he's doing his shows. Nothing like
honestti~. This is a wonderful expefience for
all you I~Tonty Pti~thon fans out there as it
includes stand-up, sing-alongs, and other ran-
dom x-ubbish including things from the leg-
endary Rutles documentaiti~. So bring out
jTour dead, grab your Noi-wegia.n Blue Parrot,
and go. Because like he said in the Rutles
song, "~~11 you need is cash," and that's what
Eric Idle is looking for.
Event #4: Chevelle has been blowing the
minds of Bard rock and metal audiences
since their tfiumplzant return to rock on
2002's Ozzfest. ~~fter playing the second
stage there last year, opening for several
bands inch~.ding Stone Sour and Distiubed,
and then opening the mainstage at Ozzfest
this past st~rntmer, the brothers Loeffler are
out on their own heach~zg tour. They rock
hard, they put on a good show, and theti='re
actually talented, something often lacking in
today's metal.
i~I`T suggestions of what to pick on each of
these two nights: definiteltiT The `violent
Femmes, because the G5 tour happens ever`
year and who knows when Gordon and
r with the administration to continue to
Company are going to once again decide
they hate each other. That's yotu Saturdati-
night. ~.~nd for Tuesday, as much as I like
Chevelle, and they do put on a rocking show,
Efic Idle is Efic Idle. Give the Greedy
Bastard your money.
Wfitten by ~Ier~-~11 ~Iarkoe ("Late Night with
David Letterman", "T~~ Nation")
Starling Jack Black, ~Iefill ~Iarkoe, Laura
Kightlinger
NEXT! -Episode 2
More sly, sarcastic, subversive sketches.
Written btiT Bob Odenkirk ("~Tr. Show", "Tlie
Ben Stiller Show")
Starling Bob Odenkirk, Fred ~~i-misen
ME & MY NEEDS
Single-camera comedy about a netuotic ~otu:-
nalist
Wfitten by JudtiT Toll ("SeY and the Cit<~") and
Cynthia Greenberg ("Less Tlian Perfect")
Starling Nicole Sl,llivan
From the Desk of
Student Body President
Dan Gilman
~~s we near the halfway point in the school
`=ear, I wanted to talk about some of the
major tu~.dertakings that Student
Government has been working on
throughout the year.
~~s I promised doling mti=campaign, dining
and secufity were going to garner much of
my attention this year. On the secufity
front, we have added numerous blue light
phones that you have seen on campus, as
well as created well identified stops for the
shuttle/escort service. While there is still
much work to be done, dining is showing
improvement this year. The new upper
class meal plans have attracted more non-
first years to campus dining than in previ-
ous tiTears, and many have been pleasantly
sLu-pfised. I am also currently working
with the Student Body Dilzing Cliair to
create improvements in the vegetafian and
vegan dining options on campus. We are
dedicated to making the upgrades to din-
ing that are necessary, and I am confident
that we are at least headed in the right
direction.
l~lso, the new University Center basement
has been a Huge success, and I am working
develop the UC into a space that attracts
more students. I believe that the
Universit`~ Center has to become more of
a social space on cammpus for students, fac-
t~lty, and staff.
There are many more things developing
on campus, but this column only allows
ime so much room. I encoLuage you to
contact me via email (sbp hci) or stop by
office hours, Tuesday from 5:15-6:15 in
UC ~18F to learn more about what we are
doing to improve student life on campus.
On AOL Instant
Messenger all day?
Talk to readme while you
cyber with the 40-year-otd
men!
Our screen name is
readmecmu
If you're funny enough, we'll
put you in readme!
 Events and Things On and Off Campus
Wednesday, November 5
lecture: Guerrilla Girls. 1VIcConomy. 5pm. Free
lecture; Filmmaker Franny Armstrong. McConomy.
.8pm. Free
movie: Drowned Out. McConomy. Following the lec-
ture. Free.
readme: readme meeting. 5rd floor UC lounge. 6pm. A
good -time will be had b~T all.
event: Habishack: Marslzmellow Tower Contest. The
.Fence. 12pm. ~2
concert: Habislzack: A capella performance. The Fence.
Afternoon. Free
Thursday, November 6
movie: The Obscure Object of Desire. McConom~ 8,
10, 12. ~1
concert: The Legendary Shack Shakers ~~ 51st Street
Pub,9pm,~8
concert: Rebecca Gates ~~ Quiet Storm
concert: Barbarito Torres ~~ Rosebud, 8pm, X15, 21 +
Friday, November 7
movie: The Hulk. McConomy 7:50, 10, 12:50. 1
concert: French Kicks, Apollo Sunshine ~~ Highlander
Cafe. 8pm $5 for stLidents, ~7 others
art: "Patterns" opening reception. The Frame. 7-10pm
concert: Habis~hack: The Girls. The Fence. Free.
concert: Bob Weir & Ratdog ~ Byham Theatre
concert: Sugarcult, Story of the Year, Plain White T's
~~ Club Laga, 7pm, $12
concert: Elliott ~~ Mr. Smalls Fun House/Theatre
concert: Vans "Off The Wall" Club Tour w/ The
Suicide Machines, The Unseen, Avenged Sevenfold, and
Breath of Silence ~~ Nick's Fat Cif; . G:30 pm, 15.50
concert: Silverstein, Wings of Azrael, Visions Upon
Bleeding, Haste, Ba~Tside ~~ VF~I, C1larleroi, PA
Saturday, November 8
movie: Terminator 5. McConomy. 8, 10, 12. 1
event: Delta Gamma's Annual "Ancho Slam" Basketball
Tournament. Skibo Gym. 11am. ~5 /person. Sign -up In
front of DohertyT or with Delta .Gamma sls tors.
cox~.cert: G5 w/ Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Yngwie o~
1Vlalmsteen ~~ A J. Palumbo Center, 7:30 pm, X35-42.50
concert: Melissa Ferrick, Jeff ~..ang ~~ Club Cafe,
7:50/10 pm,~16,21+
concert: ti®iolent Femmes ~~ Club Laga, 8pm, ~20
concert: The Cash Brothers ~~ Rosebud, 8pm, ~10,
21+
Sunday, November 9
movie: Last Unicorn. S, 10, .12. 1
concert: Yonder Mountain String Band @ Mr. Smalls
Fun House/Theatre
Tuesday, November 11
event: Censored TV, week 2. McConomy. 8pm Free
anime: AB Anime continues. New Doherty Lecture
hall. 7pm. Free
concert: Eric Idle ~~ Byham Theatre
concert: Chevelle, Campfire Girls, S.T.U.N. ~~ Club
Laga, 7pm, X17.50
concert: Jump, Little Cll.ildren, Buchanan ~~ Hard _
Rock Cafe, 9 pm, ~10
Wednesday, November 12
comedy: Dustin Diamond @Clarion University,
Clarion, PA
concert: Buchanan @Hard Rock Cafe
concert: Visqueen @Quiet Storm
Ongoing: x
event: Rotaract Food and Clothing Drive. Nov 8 -Nov
25. Drop spots around campus.
Upcoming Su~e~-Awesome AEA E ents:
~lednesday ZZI~: Guerrilla. Girls. McConorn~~. 5pm..
Free. Fiann~T Armstrong. McConom~: 8pm. Free
Friday 11 / 7: French I~icks Apollo Sunshine cr
Highlander Cafe. 8pm $3 for students $7 others
'I`uesday 11./1;. Censored TV, vreek 2. N.fcConom~:
8pm. Free
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