1

INTERVIEW
Allana Pratt

Adam Gilad
Gilad Creative Media, Inc.

February 2010

ADAM
Welcome once again. We are talking about how to succeed as a man dating after
the age of thirty, after thirty-five and after forty. And in my wanderings and
during all the workshops I do - I love studying with teachers who are amazing - I
keep running into this woman; who I have known for a few years - we have been
friends for, God, I don’t know, four or five years: Allana Pratt. Welcome.

ALLANA
Thank you. And we haven’t slept together - just so everybody knows?

ADAM
Not that I haven’t thought about it!

ALLANA
Well thank you!

ADAM
Well, obviously. Allana is an unusual woman. She, if I can reveal something…

ALLANA
Please.

ADAM
One of the workshops that we have attended, one of the really high-level
workshops that we have attended for deep masculine/feminine sexuality: the
leader of this workshop puts women on stage and says - and I hope you are
prepared for this! - says, “Who among these women is the most fuckable?” And
then he stands behind the women and holds a hand over their head, and men raise
their hands in the audience - and Allana was chosen.
 2

Then he does something else, which is, “Who is the one woman you would want
to spend the rest of your life with on an island; really who is the most
marriageable; who is the deepest feminine; who is the one who you actually
revere and admire?” is basically what comes out.
She was chosen again! I have never seen it happen Allana, that one woman was
chosen for both. And I have my interpretation of why that happened: you
understand something about sexuality. You have been a teacher for years - and
we are going to talk about what you teach in this realm, both men and women.
What is your - and without false humility, because it is a hard question to answer -
why do you think you were chosen for both?

ALLANA
Well first let me tell you a little bit about what it was like to be chosen and then I
will tell you about why I think it was me. I wasn’t dressed to impress that
weekend; I was there to learn. So when I was chosen as the “most fuckable” and I
felt his hand over me, it (this is maybe too much too revealing, I know) it was like
my nipples were blaring like these headlamps on, you know, like on a car! I don’t
know, when I felt the energy from the men coming towards me, all I know is I just
wanted to like shine and be adored and take in their praise or whatever; because
my whole body literally came alive.
But what I remember when I was standing on the stage and being chosen - if you
remember I was standing beside somebody much younger, much hotter, much
thinner, much more revealingly dressed - and it was because I was having
pleasure in my body not to get the men’s attention and not to say, “You know, I
can open my own door, thank you very much!” Like I wasn’t against men; I
wasn’t for men - I was just having pleasure being me.
And one of the gentlemen said, “I don’t know but I want in her because she seems
to be having fun in her!” And so as a man, inspiring the most fuckable qualities
out of your woman, make sure she is not doing everything to please you; make
sure you are doing things for her that you know fill her up for her.
Like if you know going out with those “good girlfriends” really makes her more
confident, send her that way. If you know that getting in the bath or spending
time with some new lingerie just makes her more confident in who she is… as a
man you can guide your woman to be more fuckable by helping her have pleasure
in her body for her, not for you.

ADAM
I just want to say, you have just hit the best title for a book if you ever want to
write it, called “Guide your Woman to be More Fuckable”.

ALLANA
Write that down Adam!
 3

ADAM
If I’m not mistaken that is a Shakespearean ??? too; I think that is an absolute ???

ALLANA
Yes! No, it’s great.

ADAM
I am just trying to recall what pattern that is - but go ahead.

ALLANA
Okay. So that was the “most fuckable” part. And then over into the “wanting to
spend twenty years on a desert island with me”: the qualities that I believe have
to do with that is, one, the men really spoke of seeing my heart as being more
open than the other women. And what I believe makes a great woman is that
when let’s say we were married and you lost your job. Well a woman whose
heart doesn’t know how to stay open would close out of fear and stop believing in
you, or maybe even leave the marriage, right?
But there is something about what I have gone through in life where I practice
keeping my heart open - even if I am scared; even if I want to run or hide or be
safe. If I am committed to my partner then I will keep my heart open and believe
in him no matter what. And that was a quality these men could feel. They could
just feel it with me standing on a stage doing nothing.
So as a man, what you can do for your woman when she does get scared; your job
as a man is to open her heart wider than she can herself - which is easy when you
are making her orgasm! Okay, that’s easy! But it is not easy when she’s scared.
And it is not easy when she shuts her heart down and becomes a bitch, or hides, or
wants to leave, right?
So your job as a man, to make that woman BE the one you want to stay with for
twenty years, is when she gets scared and her heart shuts down - for a valid reason
or not a valid reason; for whatever reason - is to be there and validate her;
empathize with how she is feeling. Don’t go away, even if the comments are
below the belt. Just stay there, guide her comments up above the belt again - and
just “get” her.
As long as you don’t leave and you stay there and she can move through that
feeling of being really, really scared, she will open her heart again. So that is the
one part.
And then the other is get her into like coaching with me or into great programs
that I am sure Adam has, or others workshops and stuff, because that is such an
important quality for a woman to have: is a heart that can stay open no matter
what.

ADAM
So every man on this call wants to marry you right now!
 4

ALLANA
Good because I’m very single! I’m taking orders; I’m taking dates.

ADAM
Only from the most worthy men! This is an Arthurian challenge, by the way,
guys! Do not even bother unless you have worked out your inner life. And this is
a high, high quality woman, clearly.
So I want to ask you a couple of questions, following on this…

ALLANA
Okay, good - because I have a follow-up question too about that, so great.

ADAM
So you said something about your heart was more open - and we are going to talk
about that in a second. But I would like you to say something about men keeping
their heart more open; because surely, knowing you, and knowing what we know,
what does it look like to you? What is an example of that? What do you look for
in a man whose heart is open? Because let me say one thing: this is a quality of
what I call emotional/spiritual mastery, which is one of the categories in this
whole program about dating after thirty or forty. You have got to - men have got
to master their emotional and spiritual lives. So that is what I wanted to say. Go
ahead.

ALLANA
Every man that I have attracted in the work that I have been doing thus far, that I
have been doing private sessions with are brilliant, masterful, very successful,
analytical men. They are not balanced in their mind and in their heart - because
they are so smart and successful! Why go some place where they are a toddler?
They’re Yoda, right?
But what happens is they are not going to attract a quality woman with just a
mind. And frankly they are going to probably attract a gold-digger, because if his
heart is closed, guess what? So is hers.
So what I am helping men to do is go into this heart… and here is the deal which -
maybe this has happened to you, I am not sure - women have emasculated men in
the past. And their hearts are hurt. Whether that was their mom, their ex-wife, an
ex-lover, whatever it was; somebody has gone in there, in these big, beautiful,
open-hearted men, at some point and killed them off.
And they shut that heart down and they went upstairs into their mind. And they
are just doing what makes them successful, and strategizing, and they are spinning
fast. But see here is the thing you have got to know: in order for you to really be
that impeccably present, grounded man who walks in a room and all the women’s
heads turn - he is not a guy in his head; he is a guy in his body. And even more
so, he is probably guy in his balls, right? Like he is really feeling his purpose;
 5

you know, his legs are those tree trunks down to the center of the earth; he is
feeling the power in his balls; his power center in his gut and his intuition are
alive; his instinct is there - you know, he is just certain of who he is in the mind.
And in order to get down there to your balls - guess what’s in the middle? Your
heart! And most men don’t want to go there because it hurts! And I validate that
because they have been emasculated.
So what you need to be able to do - and I mean no guy wants to talk about this! -
there is a little boy in there, or a younger you in there that you don’t want to admit
is hurt, afraid, ashamed, uncertain. And what I do, in very quick but very
powerful sessions with men, is I take them in there as their… there is like a flavor
of me; the other reason they wanted to be with me on a desert island was my Kali.
And for the men that really know what that is, it is like a Goddess, a figure, a
Hindu Goddess figure; and she is the one that, if you are not living on-purpose she
will cut your head off. With joy! Because she is all about you living your truth
no matter what!
So there is this fierceness I have where I can go into the fire with a man and help
him stand there until we burn away the sadness, the shame, the anger, the
emasculation - whatever is in there for them.
And the other side of me, as I said before, is this big openhearted, tender, loving,
gentle, mothering - whatever; all that other softer feminine energies. I have got
these two energies that I can take a man in there.
And it is not easy. But it is simple. And once that heart is cleaned out and that
little younger you is like brought back into the guy, then all of a sudden he can
easily access that lower intelligence, that body intelligence; that “in your balls”
quality that makes the woman melt just standing in front of her.
It is not your brilliance. She is impressed - but that is not going to make her want
you to fuck her open to God. It is your body; it is being in your body that really
makes her surrender.
So that is what I help men do.

ADAM
That is really beautifully said. And I want to say a couple of things about that. A
lot of women, when they start getting into this kind of deep feminine/masculine
work don’t understand that you have to have the feminine, nurturing side to
balance the “cut-the-head-off / keep-on-your-purpose” side. So it is great that you
have both those sides. And you do. You are not one to be messed with - and I
mean that in all good ways, you know; like you have clear strength in your body;
and also, being a mom also you also have beautiful nurturing energy.
I want to say something about the body and what you mean by “balls”, because as
part of this program, the first part of the program has to do with the body. I think
you and I both have learned enough to know that the body is the vehicle of
everything else you have to offer, whether you are a man or a woman. And if you
 6

are not training your body to communicate your depth and what you really want to
get across, you are losing out, you are wasting time.
So one of the exercises that starts this program is to teach men to “breathe into
their balls.” So, feeling your balls - I mean, most guys spend a lot of time feeling
their balls! They are straightening them out, they are grabbing them; they are
moving them around and they are listening to them because - as Billy Crystal says
in one of his monologues - they’re always saying “Now! Now! Now!” - since age
thirteen.

ALLANA
Great!

ADAM
That is not the “balls” we are talking about. We are talking about your solidity.
We are talking about your strength. We are talking about your virility - and I talk
about this in the program - your Kingship: the regality; you know, who are you as
a powerful being, a generative center of energy and offering and generosity - all
the things that women really truly look for - more so after thirty; more so after
forty.
How are you in your real power - which is your “groundedness”? And I am glad
you mentioned the “legs like tree trunks”: breathe deeply, like really deeply and
just send it with your mind right down to your balls; hold it there, release it
slowly. You do that three times. You do that ten times before you enter a room
or before you meet your woman, you will be a different man. You will be
projecting something very different.

ALLANA
Oh, I totally agree. And now tell me if you agree with me: I think what happens
also is your voice lowers; your posture shifts so that your head is right over your
chest. I really notice with men quite often that the head is out in front, and that
really tells me they are quite analytical, trying to push and make things happen.
That actually energetically pushes the woman away. So the head needs to be right
on the shoulders; the shoulders need to be right over the pelvis - and you need to
be that tree. Don’t lean in trying to be enough; don’t pull back trying to be
arrogant. Just be in your center, in your body and breathe there. And that is so
attractive.

ADAM
Okay, so we are talking about men being heart, open… Allana, I want to come
back to a point you made about guiding your woman into being more fuckable. It
is a great statement. But let’s really talk about what that means; because one of, I
think, the qualities that we really offer through Attract Connect Inspire is learning
how to guide a woman.
So when you say “fuckable” you also are talking about openhearted.
 7

ALLANA
Yes.

ADAM
So what else; what specific factors can a man who is over thirty/over forty do to
open his women, from a masterful place?

ALLANA
It is all about making her feel safe to open. So if you want her to be more
fuckable what you are really saying is you want her to be more open. And if you
are saying you want her to be more open, you want her to be more safe.
So a practice that you can do is listening impeccably: like if you don’t have it
right now to listen to her, don’t pretend. We can tell! So if you are like, “Look
honey, I’ll be back in like ten minutes and it’s all about you - but right now I have
got to go do this” then do that. Do that more than just pretending you are listening
and multitasking, because it is infuriating to a woman! That is one way you can
make her feel safer.
Another way you can make her feel safer is to remember what she said about
something and ask her about it the next day. She needs to know that you care and
that you listen. So if she mentions she was going off to have lunch with so-and-
so, ask her about it! It is not just nice small talk; it makes her feel appreciated,
valued - and that makes her feel safe. And that will make her open which will
make her more fuckable. It is really that simple.
But if we want to have more of a real physical way of coming to her that will
make her more fuckable: one thing that women hate is when we get emotional
you men like turn off; shut down or make us wrong.
And I know that we women are not so sometimes! We’re crazy, I get it! Okay!
But what I want men to learn is how to train us not to emasculate you. That will
actually make her respect you more and feel safer and be more open and be more
fuckable.
Now this is how it goes: when you are having like an argument or something or
she is getting all upset at you, just take… not take it like you are being abused; but
BE with her anger. If her anger ever goes below the belt and she makes a nasty
comment towards you, direct her back by saying “Ah-ah! Above the belt.” And
then say this line: “Bring it on.”, because you don’t want to shut her down. If you
shut her down she will get more angry. Okay? But you have got to guide her to
be above the belt, and then “Bring it on”.
So it is almost like that, oh, what was it, in the Matrix, right? The little fingers -
“Come, come! Bring it on!”, because you want to train her to be emotional in a
way that honors you and gets it out of her.
Because here is the thing: on the other side of her emotion is wisdom. And that is
a wisdom and deep intuition that is going to serve both of you in the relationship.
 8

But she can never get there if her anger has been squashed; and it can never get
there if she has hurt you - because you have shut down.
So does that make sense, Adam, on how to really help a guy to train a woman to
never emasculate him?

ADAM
I am just thinking I should have married you when I could!

ALLANA
You have a hottie hottie hottie! Don’t you worry!

ADAM
That’s what I’m saying, you know? Yes, I’m a very happy man. But I laughed
because you said, “Bring it on!” I happened to use almost exactly those words
today with my ex-wife when she asked to raise something difficult and I like
thought about it and said, “Oh I really don’t want to get involved”. And then I
decided and I sent her a letter and said, “Bring it!” So that is why I laughed so
hard when you said that.
A couple of questions about that, though. “Bring it on!” does sound a little
aggressive.

ALLANA
Okay, well you have to say it in your own flavor. Maybe you could say, “Tell me
more” or you could say, “I’m listening. I’m listening. I’m here.”

ADAM
Good. Right.

ALLANA
So you have to try it on with your own flavor.

ADAM
So you are saying we are actually supposed to listen? Did I get that right? Did I
miss something?

ALLANA
Yes please!

ADAM
So I actually learned something from you - big - just now which I will put into
practice; which is something I never thought of, which is to ask her about it the
next day. It has been such a practice for me to what you call “listen impeccably”
 9

(and I will say something about that in a second; I have a great practice around
that) but yes, that’s a great idea. The next day, “By the way, how was that thing?”
But do that as a practice. I will actually write things down that my woman says. I
will put it into my iPhone - a little plug for Apple! - I will put it into my iPhone;
remember what she said; if she mentioned a restaurant, if she mentioned a food. I
don’t have the best retention these days, given all that is running through my
fervent little brain but I make a point of writing them down. I learned that when I
was dating multiple women.

ALLANA
Very clever!

ADAM
Yes well, it is survival! I don’t want any wine glasses thrown at my head! It’s
like, “My name is Jean!” I would write her name down, for a start!
But what you said about impeccable listening, there is a great practice, which you
and I have both learned separately at another workshop, which was run by a
friend, Satyen Raja, who we both adore. He runs a company called Warrior Sage.
I talk about him all the time - go sign up; go to the Sex, Passion and
Enlightenment intensive - absolutely. By the way, for that go to
http://attractconnectinspire.com/store/warriorsage and that will get you there. But
there is a practice he does, a retreat, which is called “The Illumination Intensive” -
I’m guessing you’ve done it.

ALLANA
Yes.

ADAM
Yes! It’s pure! It is one of the things that changed my life more than almost
anything. And without going into detail - because you want to save it as a
surprise - one of the core practices is called a dyad, which just means “two
people”. One person speaks for three minutes and the practice is to show no
reaction - don’t nod your head, don’t over-adjust or don’t telegraph your emotion.
Just listen. Because when you are nodding your head, when you are telegraphing
your emotions, you are really saying, “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! I’m
listening!” whereas if you are actually just listening it is even more powerful.
And then at the end of the three minutes, all you are allowed to say is…?

ALLANA
Thank you.

ADAM
Thank you. Thank you. No comment. No fixing. And every guy in this call,
including me, has screwed this up all his life trying to fix what the woman is
 10

feeling, trying to make her feel better, trying to telegraph that we care - instead of
actually listening.
So the practice here is when you ask, listen. Don’t go and make a big show out of
listening. It is much more solid and masculine anyway to just absorb and then say
“Thank you.” And then you can ask a question based on what she said. And it is
important to let her finish and then say “Thank you.”

ALLANA
Yes.

ADAM
“Thank you for sharing with me. Thank you for being so honest.” I always, in
my work with women, I always tell them the secret to keeping a man, which is
actually easier, besides, you know, sex - and there is a whole world in that, not
just sex - but to acknowledge and reward them more deeply into their virtues.
So I am going to reverse it here and tell men if you want your woman to be honest
and vulnerable; peaceful, graceful - pick your term, what you want from your
woman - acknowledge and reward her for that: “Thank you so much for sharing
that with me. I know that was difficult. I know that you’re in pain. I feel that
you’re in pain. I know that you have been hurt around this before. Thank you for
trusting me enough.”
And you acknowledge and reward her for the very qualities you are trying to bring
out in her. I am going to go on about this for a second, by the way, because I
think it is important.

ALLANA
No, I think it is very important. If you can just… men have the visual; you know,
like when a man has a thought in the brain, only one area lights up, right? But
when a woman has a thought, every area in her brain lights up, on both sides,
right? It is kind of like spaghetti versus one little waffle piece!
So just imagine what it is like to have that kind of chaos going on when you are
trying to speak and the emotions are there. It is just who we are wired. And if
you impeccably listen to us, it is like you are the skull around our brain; it is like
you are the banks of the river; it is like you are holding space for us to make sense
of all this chaos.
And if you can be that person for us, you are our biggest hero. You make us feel
so safe and adored. And that is where the… that is where devotion comes from, if
you can be that. So it is not just… I know it is probably difficult because we are a
little “nut-so” sometimes, but if you can do that, really get the depth of that gift
that you are giving a woman.
 11

ADAM
Beautiful. Thank you. And I wanted to pick up that point about acknowledging
and praising the quality you most admire. In the same way that a king will do that
to his courtiers and the people around: “I really noticed how gracefully you
handled that situation and it really makes me adore you”.
Continue to praise the quality that you would like to see more of: “I really liked
how you handled that problem without getting upset… with such equanimity.” - I
would put it that way. But it is a positive, “I love how you handled that problem
with such calm. It really makes me respect you.” In other words “Don’t fucking
go off on me!” Right?

ALLANA
That is stunning. And a good way that you can - like if you get all these
statements written out ahead of time, because kind of in the moment sometimes
for guys it can be hard; you can make like a list - and then what I would do is go
get her six flowers; you know, maybe it is for Valentine’s Day or her birthday; but
maybe it is just because it is Wednesday. And then write out these six things that
you really love about her; what really turns you on about her; what you admire
about her; why you think you are the luckiest guy on the planet.
And I want you to give her one flower at a time. And get your “cheat sheet” out
(it is kind of endearing) and read it to her one at a time. To know that you went to
the trouble to do that and you are doing it to her; I swear if you are not making
love by the end of this she is at least in tears!
And it really is the difference between a gift and an experience. A woman
appreciates the gift; but an experience - well, that is like the difference between a
clitoral orgasm and like a cervical orgasm!

ADAM
I’m going to need a few minutes to cool off! That is hot. I love that. Six flowers
- one for each quality you adore. Now, hopefully you are not with the woman I
was with once who would have said, “Well what about the other fifteen flowers I
would like to see from you? Because you didn’t mention this; and you didn’t
mention this and that; and you didn’t mention the other things.”

ALLANA
Oh my God. If that is how she is, then maybe it is time to release her. I want her
to focus on the good - not focus on what is missing.

ADAM
Rita? I divorced her. I will probably take that out. I am going to pause for a
second - but it’s true.
Allana, this is obviously great material. It would have been so useful for me
earlier in my life. Let me ask you, point blank, what are some of the biggest
 12

mistakes you see men making who are over thirty or over forty, in their attempts
to be attractive to women?

ALLANA
There are some very physical; like, I don’t know, but those Tommy Bahama “man
blouses” that cover up their gut? I don’t care for pretending you are in shape
when you’re not. Like I am forty now - I have to work hard at it too! It used to
be really simple!
So I want you to get that when I see a man who is not taking care of his body,
why would he take care of mine?

ADAM
Wow! Sweet! I’ve never heard it put that way.

ALLANA
So - not that I need you to be “Mr. Buff”; but I want you to be in shape because it
tells me that you love your body and you are going to love my body too.

ADAM
Yes.

ALLANA
So that is one mistake. Another mistake I see is relying too much on your
analytical mind; your brilliance; the size of your car or your bank account. It just
screams, “I am insecure.” The most humble men are the most - to me - attractive
in terms of what they have. They don’t need to say it or show it off. They just
ARE it. So you dress nice. You do have nice things or you are brilliant. But you
don’t push it on someone.
It is again that sort of leaning in versus just being in your body. Don’t lean in
with all these comments and showing off; just be who you are. The most
attractive thing is an authentic man who is confident in whom he is and is more
interested and interesting.

ADAM
Nice. I agree with that. Let me ask you a personal question; you are free to
answer it or not. So the last man that really “got” you; that you took into your
life; that you were boyfriend or girlfriend, or however you want to put this: what
was it about him? What was the moment that you decide, “I am going to go with
this guy”?

ALLANA
What is the moment? That’s a great question.
 13

ADAM
What happened?

ALLANA
What happened? He could hold the space for me, like… I don’t know how else to
say it. But like I could get that I can rest and be in his space; like he can meet me.
I don’t know if this sounds clear. Is that clear for you?

ADAM
Yes, it’s good. For me it is. But specifically, like what is the actual…?

ALLANA
Okay, very good, very good. So specifically he wouldn’t take away his eyes from
mine; like he wouldn’t look away first - I would. So he could hold my space that
way. Listening-wise and being in my space; he wasn’t fidgety, looking around.
He was totally there with me. He was proactive, in terms of taking me out or
planning things or listening and saying, “Oh, I know you mentioned this - let’s do
that”. It wasn’t like he arrived and said, “Where shall we go for dinner?” That
infuriates me!
He also, because I am a single mother, he immediately didn’t go, “Was it a
daughter or a son you had?” And I am like, “Next!”

ADAM
Oh! Oh! Ouch!

ALLANA
Right. So he cared about my son. He asked about my son. He was very sensitive
- did I want him to meet him yet or not? He was right away clear with his
intentions about the potentiality of a step-fatherhood; I don’t want to just date
somebody to fuck them - I want to have a partner. So he was very forthright
about what that would look like. And bold about it. Just bold about meeting him:
“Whatever you want - I’m ready!”
Let’s see… yes, he made - and I am pretty… I talk about sexuality and sensuality
and relationship and stuff - so he was more sure of himself sexually than me; like
would make the first move, but wouldn’t push. Like he would just be there until I
got uncomfortable - which for me is pretty hard! And that totally turns me on! So
sure of himself. Just would stand there and look at me until I would get weak in
the knees and wouldn’t move and wouldn’t talk and wouldn’t do anything, until I
was, you know, surrendering.

ADAM
So he communicated sexual confidence by staring at you. Surely there is more.
 14

ALLANA
Okay. So yes, he did. He did. He made my knees weak. There is a way - and I
have learned from other teachers what I THINK is going on, but I am not a guy so
I don’t know - but what it felt like to me is that his gaze wasn’t to me; it was
through me.

ADAM
Nice.

ALLANA
It felt like his heart was connected to my heart; not like a “wussy-lovey-fuzzy”
love but like the depth of who he is on the planet - his nobility, his legacy; like I
kind of felt that in his heart. And I also felt like he was literally energetically
penetrating my vagina - like I just felt…

ADAM
Okay! Hold on! I’ve got to stop! I get it. I get what you’re saying. What does
that look like?

ALLANA
But it doesn’t look like anything! I’m so sorry but he was just standing there;
still, grounded - like his feet were open; like I said before, his head was over his
shoulders. He is looking at me. He has kind of got a slight “teasy” smile. He is
breathing slowly and deeply through his belly. He might have his hand on the
small of my back.

ADAM
Okay, good. And he is solid. So it is really about his body.

ALLANA
Yes.

ADAM
You used the word “nobility”. Now, I am assuming that all these qualities really
are, let’s say, convey a noble… I don’t want to use the word “warrior” - I think
it’s overdone; but a noble solidity that is somehow not childish, not young.
What about - you mentioned something about purpose. Like how does he
communicate himself as a man who is inspiring? Not just because he is breathing
deeply or standing well. I always talk about attraction, connection and
inspiration. You have definitely spoken a lot about attraction. You have also
talked deeply about connection. But what about him inspired you, about his
nobility of how he handles himself in the world?
 15

ALLANA
That is a great question. Just so you know I am hearing myself talk back right
now. Are you hearing that same thing?

ADAM
I do not. Are you hearing it still?

ALLANA
Yes. But I will do my best.

ADAM
Well if it’s really difficult we can call another number and record the rest of the
call and splice them together.

ALLANA
Let me just say a couple of things and we’ll see. Yes, it’s like you know when
you hear yourself talk back to yourself?

ADAM
Are you on a headphone?

ALLANA
No, I’m just on my regular phone.

ADAM
Wow, really!

ALLANA
Yes. It’s totally like I can just hear myself. Do you want me to hang up and call
back in maybe?

ADAM
Yes, okay. Good thinking.

ALLANA
Okay, let’s see. No it’s still there.

ADAM
I am going to get a second number. I am going to e-mail you another number
right now. This is going great, by the way. I love it!

ALLANA
Good, I’m glad. I want to continue too!
 16

ADAM
Allana, we were talking about what about the last man who you really kind of fell
for inspired you by how he was in the world. What did you see? What did you
notice? What practically advice/tips can you pass on?

ALLANA
Great. Actually he didn’t! That is why it didn’t work out! That is the honest
truth of why I am still single! So, you know, vulnerable, vulnerable here! So I
will tell you about what inspiration really is to a woman. Yes, it might look like
we are after your wallet, or we like a nice dinner or a big house - and I am sure
there are women that are a little more shallow that way and maybe that is what
they do want. But what I want, and what a quality woman wants, when you have
got your money handled and your business handled, what that indicates to us is
that you are living your legacy; that you are on-purpose; that you are
experiencing, you know, your noble cause in the world.
Most men that I know, when they are living their purpose; when they know why
they are on the planet, why they are getting up every morning doing what they are
here to do, they tend to be successful.
It doesn’t mean they all need to be millionaires - but they are putting food on the
table and they are loving life. And so when I see a man who is unsure of what he
is doing, or only doing something for the money and to look good because inside
he is insecure; or just uncertain of why he is on the planet, but unwilling to go into
the forest with men on a men’s weekend, or unwilling to be with mentors and
really grill himself to figure this out.
If he is not doing that, I have got to say that that is what I call “the inch”. And I
have literally been making love and I want him to go that inch deeper, that inch
farther. But he is not willing to do it in his life, with his purpose. And I can feel it
when he is making love to me. And I call it “the inch”. And I just cry. It is just
the most horrible, unsatisfying, lack of inspiring feeling to be with a man that is
not fully engaged in why he is on the planet.

ADAM
Powerful stuff there Allana. I get what you’re saying: there is something that is
enlivening about being involved in work - number one - that inspires you. I for
one am really clear, after a few years of doing this, what my purpose is in terms of
consistent growth and opening for myself; being as positive a role model for my
sons as possible and helping men and women around the world genuinely get past
the blocks that are holding them back from living a really fun, powerful,
interesting, love-filled life. I have learned a lot. And I am certainly on-purpose
when it comes to finding people like you and bringing them out into the world.
And really liberating - liberation is the word that keeps coming back for me, about
what I am about.
 17

One other thing you mentioned is you want a man who - the phrase you used is
“to go off into the woods with men at the weekend”. Now, I don’t you don’t
mean one of THOSE weekends with men…

ALLANA
No!

ADAM
Although I’m sure it’s okay! But, you know, we’re not judging! But what you
are really saying is a man who is willing to push his edge and to grow beyond the
person he already is.

ALLANA
Yes. And I don’t… women don’t necessarily need a man to exactly know what
his purpose is and be living it fully because, you know, it is an evolution, right?

ADAM
Yes.

ALLANA
I remember even being interviewed by a different gentleman, who has had
different businesses, but he keeps pushing the edge and trying something new.
And when that part is done and he doesn’t feel challenged any more he takes on a
new one.
So it is not that we need perfection or completion; we need commitment in the
direction of your… of figuring it out and trying it out and making movement.
That is what is really inspiring.
If you can… I mean, this analogy has been made like a million times - about the
man being like the train: well, obviously the woman doesn’t want to get on the
train if it is not moving! And it is kind of scary to get on a train if you don’t know
where it is going. And it is disappointing to get on a train that isn’t moving.
And it is even worse if WE have got to be the train.

ADAM
Yes. But sometimes you are. I mean sometimes in a relationship that happens. I
don’t like to overstate things for men. I think in the initial attraction phase it is
very important to have a certain sense of where you are going in life; or at least
what your commitments are in your growth. Are you (we talked about pushing
your edge) are you doing physical work that will take you past where your body is
now? You don’t want to plateau after forty; especially you want to keep building
muscle mass, maintaining muscle mass. You want to keep your endurance going
- for sexual reasons as well as for life reasons.
 18

But sometimes in relationships, you know, there are ebbs and flows - I am sure
you and I have both been through them. By the way, I don’t like intimidating
guys with this talk of “You always have to be the train”. Sometimes a woman
does pick it up when a guy has to reconfigure his life.
You know, I have had to do that a couple of times; and really step back and go,
“Okay, where am I? What is important? I don’t know”, you know? And it is
really important for men to know that they don’t have to put it on; so like fake that
they are the train, you know? You know what I’m saying?

ALLANA
Yes. Yes, but I still think we are saying the same thing. But maybe it is just
semantics. If he is pulling back a bit to reconfigure, that still shows me he is
committed to finding his truth, and I still respect that.

ADAM
Yes. Beautiful.

ALLANA
It is when he pulls back and avoids, denies, blames or judges others, or
disconnects. That is what I don’t… that is what is not inspirational. We don’t
need you, as I said before, to be perfect, or “on”, or completed all the time.
Whether that flow is inner or outer, it doesn’t matter - but you are still committed.

ADAM
So let’s hit that word “honesty” there for a second. You want a guy to be honest.

ALLANA
Yes.

ADAM
And I liked it when you said it is endearing when a man pulls out his “cheat
sheet” for his flowers - because it is important in general to say, “Ok, look, I am
not perfect. My intention is here. I am trying, you know, and I would rather it be
right than me look like I’ve got everything, you know super-handled.”
So there is an endearing aspect to a man who is trying. In other words, if you see
a man who is trying in his life; who is really pushing his edge - if he is really hurt
from his divorce, if he has been injured and he is not doing anything about it; and
if he is hurt by his divorce and not really being proactive and healing - and
sometimes obviously that takes time - what it shows is that a man is trying. And I
think what a woman like you sees is that a man is trying in other aspects of his
life, he is going to try with you.
 19

ALLANA
Yes. Well, here’s the thing: you know, just like that quality in that initial
workshop that we spoke of at the beginning of the interview, where I was chosen
because I can keep my heart open - we want that in a man too. And that is another
way of saying, “He wants me to be able to stand in the fire if he does get fired
from his job, right?”
And the same with us: we want him to be able to stand in the fire if we, you
know, maybe something happens to us; we get a new job, a new kid; something
goes on and we are not our normal self - like are you going to close your heart on
me because I am not “Miss Juicy” 24/7?

ADAM
Good!

ALLANA
So I think this is important for a man, of what is attractive about a man, is can he
keep HIS heart open no matter what comes - to himself and to her?

ADAM
Beautifully said. I love that. I want to switch gears a little bit. You were for
years “The Sexy Mom” - I remember you had a radio show; I don’t remember
exactly when - but you were “The Sexy Mom”. And I just want to talk for a
second about being a parent and dating, over thirty / over forty.
You mentioned that a man who is sensitive about your son’s needs, that is a huge
turn-on; it shows that he is mature and understands the importance of motherhood.
What other tips would you give the guys who either have children or are dating
women who have children? What tips would you recommend, to make them
more attractive men?

ALLANA
I would always offer, if she needs to get a sitter to go out on a date with you, to
offer to pay for it. I know that could make the date like doubly expensive; so do
go to a cheaper dinner if you need to. But that kind of acknowledgement of what
she needed to do in order to go out with you and be willing to help, it speaks not
just volumes for that moment, but like you are already thinking, “If this does work
I am going to be a partner in this, as co-parents here.” So that is I think a really
important thing.
I also would, as a man dating a woman, if all she can talk about is her kids and not
really engage with your or with life, I would see that as a red flag. A lot of
women hide, as single moms, and don’t even date until the kids go to college,
because they don’t know how to balance their temptress; their “Goddess” maybe
you could call it, or their career woman and their motherhood.
 20

And that is a lot of work that I do with women; is that we need to be the flavors;
the varieties of the feminine - not just motherhood. So I would caution men: if all
she can talk about is the kids, like “red flag”, okay?
Another thing that is helpful is to really have not… to really talk early on about
what that potentially could look like, because - I mean, I don’t know about you
Adam, but your boys are so paramount in your life, right? If the way a potential
partner is, is not in alignment as a step-parent, in terms of how they parent, how
they value, how they discipline; their spirituality; any of these kinds of ways they
handle discipline or anger. I would encourage you to find that out quicker.
And sometimes that can be a little uncomfortable when you just want to frigging
relax and date and go out to a movie or something, right? But I would really… it
is just too much of a risk, by the time you really start to fall for each other, to
recognize that this could be detrimental to the children that are so very important
to you.

ADAM
Well said.

ALLANA
You can be a little mature. You have to be a little mature about it.

ADAM
I want to say something about paying for the babysitter. It is nothing I have ever
heard before, nothing I have actually ever offered before. What I like about what
you said is the intention behind it. So in other words - not for a first date - but if
you meet somebody and you are really into her and you know that her finances
are tough (and if yours aren’t!) you can offer to pay for the babysitter; that you
understand it is expensive. And with the intention of “I am entering a relationship
with you on the understanding that we will possibly be partners. And that is the
place I am doing it from. I am not buying you.”

ALLANA
Oh yes. Not at all. Never, ever buy a woman a drink or a date or a babysitter or
anything to ever feel used at all. I mean, you as a man need to be full in whoever
you are already; and from that overflow is how you give to others.
Never buy something to get sex. Never buy dinner to get her appreciation or to
get attention. Never come from that lonely, empty place that you think you ever
have to buy something. You are an amazing gift to her. A great man is a huge
gift to a woman. So value yourself and give from that place of generosity - not
obligation.

ADAM
And be very clear how you communicate why you are paying. That is what I am
trying to say.
 21

ALLANA
Oh yes, exactly. Yes. Very good.

ADAM
Yes. Because you don’t want her to feel that way and you don’t want to have that
energy of “I’m buying you and so therefore I expect something.” So good - I
wanted to really clarify that.
Okay, you have taken us on quite a journey tonight. And as I said, everyone on
this call wishes they could marry you - and I don’t think that is going to be
possible!

ALLANA
No, not unless I redefine…

ADAM
As powerful as you are! But I want anyone who is interested in working with you
I certainly want to be able to contact you. I know you do coaching - and I can’t
recommend you highly enough. So anyone who wants to get in touch with
Allana: she does telephone coaching and you can find her at
http://attractconnectinspire.com/store/sayyes. And tell us why we are doing it
called “Say Yes”.

ALLANA
Well I really love to help men get the woman to say yes - but not just say yes to
having sex, obviously, though that is wonderful - but say yes to, you know, to the
nobility in you; to opening her heart wider than she would with any other man
other than you.
And if I could, can I just take like maybe three minutes to end with a story on why
I have chosen it “Get her to say yes”? Are you cool with that?

ADAM
Totally.

ALLANA
And it actually happened in that Illumination Intensive that you mentioned earlier,
from Warrior Sage. When we do these dyads, quite often we have very deep
insights. And mine was that I was the earth; and as a woman I felt like my whole
- it was like I was straddling the earth and the earth was coming up through my
vagina. And I was so full. And I was so powerful. Like with one glance I could,
you know, make an earthquake; and with another glance I was the tender breeze
over a wheat field at sunset; like I was so powerful.
And when I was in my fullness, what I realized is that a man wouldn’t dare stand
in front of me unless he was in his nobility; that I could be the space to bring forth
 22

a power in him, a legacy in him, a strength in him that he never could get in touch
with unless I was in my fullness.
But here is what the man could do for me that I couldn’t do on my own: as I
looked at him, as I was the earth, and he was… there was the cosmos that he was
standing in front of. And his purpose was the size of a pinprick. I mean, the
cosmos goes on forever - and his purpose was just a pinprick.
And in that moment I had the deepest reverence for a man’s purpose; of what it
really took; the focus for him to really make that legacy happen and live that
legacy. And it made me bow to him, bow to the masculine.
And what happened was when he really got how much I was devoted to him and I
understood his grandeur and majesty of what he was here to do, I was willing to
leave earth and be his fuel, to take him through the cosmos to make it through that
pinprick more easily, more quickly and with more fulfillment than he ever could
have done alone.
And that was like the most beautiful union between a woman and a man that I
know is possible. So I just want to share that. When you get her to say “Yes”, it
is not just for sex. It is actually to be in her fullness and give her fullness to you,
for you to live a legacy that you could never have lived without her love.
So that is the depth of what I really want from men; how much I believe in you,
how much I honor you; how much I think you kick ass - and how much I like to
kick your ass if you don’t know it!
So I am just so very grateful for this opportunity for this interview. And yes, I
look forward to hearing from many of you.

ADAM
Baby, you rock it! Once again, http://attractconnectinspire.com/store/sayyes.
Allana, thank you so much for your time. We will be doing a lot together in the
future I’m sure. I love the direction your work is taking. Thank you for your
time.

ALLANA
And thank you.

ADAM
Good night all!

ALLANA
Good night.