April Sword n Song

Don’t abbreviate that

Dungeon Rules sometimes need a little April Fools

At first what I thought was needed were several new ranger class rebalances. I was going to
color code them like dragons. Red Ranger, Blue Ranger, etc. But everyone wanted to give them
martial arts abilities for some reason, and something about equipping them with zords or
something. Anyhow I had to drop that plan.

by Shane “Bluntaxe” Reeves

 
 

 


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express written permission of Wizards of the Coast.

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Not for resale. Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. April Sword and Songs 1 
Sword of Sorrow
Anytime the Sword of Sorrows is used in combat it
will make an apology to someone for some
perceived inconvenience. You may use the below
tables, make your own, or decide on the fly during
the game.
Cursed: The Sword of Sorrows is cursed and
cannot be removed until a remove curse spell is
cast upon the wielder. Regardless of what is done
to rid oneself of the weapon, the wielder will
always find the sword in hand, replacing any other
weapon held, accompanied by an apology from
the weapon.

Miss
1. Excuse me, coming through.
2. I apologize for that, I nearly hurt you.
3. Watch out, nearly got you there.
4. Master, we should probably go somewhere else,
we are probably annoying the target.
5. That was close, really stressing me out here.
6. There is no excuse for this behavior.

Hit
1. Sorry.
2. Sooo sorry.
3. I fully apologize for that.
4. I really wish I hadn't of done that.
5. I regret that action already.
6. I shall repent for that action.


Critical Hit
1. Oh, by the 9 Hells what have I done!
2. Ahhh! That was so vicious, I can't look!
3. Why? WHY?! Why would my master do such a
thing!
4. I fully intend to help you reattach that after the
Art by David Lewis Johnson battle.
“I apologize to all of my previous owners” – 5. I rue the day I caused such a wound!
Sword of Sorrows. 6. I should probably get your contact information to
pay for the damages.
Weapon (any sword) Rare (requires
attunement) Sentient (INT 12, Wis 10, CHA 6)
The Sword of Sorrows is a sentient sword and
I apologize for that; please do not read any further.
would profusely apologize for its name should you

have a lisp. It will also apologize to its wielder as

its name is a bit of misnomer, and feels it should

have been named the Apologetic Blade. However,

it will insist it must still be called by its actual name

and apologize for pointing that out anytime it is

called something else.

Not for resale. Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. April Sword and Songs 2 

It goes down the same as the campaign before
“D&D Lets Play” – by No one's followng the plot no one's learning the lore
Your murder hobo spree of death and violence, and
the Dragon Offspring hate
‐ Sung to the tune of Come Out and Play by the Is gonna halt your own tale, halt your own tale, halt
Offspring your own

You gotta keep 'em resurrected Hey! ‐ man you dyin' next to me?
PC down
Like the latest splat book You gotta keep 'em resurrected
Like a dragon's sneeze Hey! ‐ DM you TPK‐ing me?
The kids are role playing on their way to the PC down
classroom You gotta keep 'em resurrected
Getting magic items with the greatest of ease Hey! ‐ the Cleric don't mind
You're Con 18 you can come back any time
The guilds hand out quests for the people Hey! D&D lets play
And if off rails you failin' then it's all over pal
If one PC's potion and the other's don't mix
They're gonna blast it up, blast it up, blast it up, blast End
it up
This was all in April Fools fun. Hopefully you at least

cracked a smile. If you find mistakes or want to give
Hey! ‐ man you dyin' next to me?
feedback, please e‐mail me at Bluntaxe@gmail.com.
PC down
Be sure to leave a review on DMs Guild, and if you
You gotta keep 'em resurrected
want to check out any of my other products please
Hey! ‐ DM you TPK‐ing me?
review them here.
PC down

You gotta keep 'em resurrected
Hey! ‐ the Cleric don't mind
You're Con 18 you can come back any time
Hey! D&D lets play

By the time you hear the siren
It's already too late
One goes on the kill sheet and the other some xp
One character's hasted and the other's in haste

It goes down the same as the campaign before
No one's followng the plot no one's learning the lore
Your murder hobo spree of death and violence, and
hate
Is gonna halt your own tale, halt your own tale, halt
your own

Hey! ‐ man you dyin' next to me?
PC down
You gotta keep 'em resurrected
Hey! ‐ DM you TPK‐ing me?
PC down
You gotta keep 'em resurrected
Hey! ‐ the Cleric don't mind
You're Con 18 you can come back any time
Hey! D&D lets play

Not for resale. Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. April Sword and Songs 3