NLP Tip – Congruence: How to Be More You publication date: Sep 24, 2007

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“If you can tell the world who you are and what you believe without breaking stride or hesitating, you are happy with
yourself.”

- Neale Donald Walsche

At a meeting I attended, one of the organisers explained how networking had helped him go from redundancy to having
a lucrative business he loved in the course of two years. While he wasn’t a great public speaker, there was something
about him that made me want to give him business: he was congruent.

“Congruent” is how you are when what you do, say, and deeply believe are all aligned. Congruence is a sort of ‘deep
honesty’ about who we are, and it is attractive. People are powerfully attracted to congruent individuals.

So how do you go about becoming congruent? Well, here are a few tips:

1) Find your values, then honour them.

Your values are “what’s important” – helping others, security, freedom, learning, love, family, contribution etc. You may
know some of these already, while others may take some discovering. One way you can find out what you value is to
identify something you really want, then ask…

“What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?”

When you get the answer to that question, ask it again, for example:

Q: What do I want?

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A: A profitable landscaping business.

Q: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?

A: Work I love doing.

Q: What will that give me that I wouldn’t otherwise have?

A: Freedom.

When you go as far as you can, you’ll end up with a core value: something that’s really important to you. (I learned this
question from the wonderful Ian Watson at www.ianwatsonseminars.com/ – thanks Ian!)

2) Pay attention to your body.

Your body has developed over thousands of years to provide you with unerring feedback about congruence. When you
thank someone for a gift you don’t actually like, saying how lovely it is, that uncomfortable feeling in your body is
incongruence– a signal that you’re ‘out of tune’. When you have a deep sense of peace and joy, that’s a sign that you’re
aligned and going in the right direction. One way to achieve greater congruence is to eliminate all activities that lead to
incongruence. The fast track is to…

3) Do what you love.

When you do what you love and let go of everything else, you get to spend more and more time experiencing joy. As
well as being great fun, this is also highly attractive – people really like to be around someone who’s doing what they
love!

One of the things I love doing is NLP Training. NLP is one of the best approaches I’ve found for helping people to live
congruently and create the lives they choose. When I’m working with other people to help them become more fully
themselves, I experience that sense of deep honesty that comes from being fully myself. This sense of being truly
yourself is the most powerful ‘life-compass’ there is.

NLP Tip – Summary

You are congruent when what you do, say, and deeply believe are all aligned. Congruence is a sort of ‘deep honesty’
about who we are as individuals. Here are some tips for becoming congruent:

1) Find your values, then honour them.

2) Pay attention to what your body tells you.

3) Do what you love.

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• NLP Tip - From Idea to Reality - Part Two
• NLP Tip - The Power of Beliefs - Part Two
• NLP Tip – Focus for Results
• NLP Tip - From Idea to Reality - Part One
• NLP Tip: You Are The Pattern-Maker – Part Two
• NLP Tip: The Power of Beliefs - Part One
• NLP Tip - Time for This Moment
• NLP Tip: How to Know What You Want
• NLP Tip - The Secret Semaphore - Part Two
• NLP Tip - Power Chunking
• NLP Tip - How to Create Rich Experiences - Part One
• NLP Tip - The Secret Semaphore - Part One
• NLP Tip - Meeting Them at Their Map
• NLP Tip: Looking Back, Looking Forward, Being Present – Part Two
• NLP Tip - How to Create Rich Experiences - Part Two
• NLP Tip: Increase Your Income While You Sleep! – Part Two
• The Beliefs of Communication Geniuses - Part One
• NLP Tip - The Ultimate Covert Communication Technique - Part One
• NLP Audio: Confidence & Phobias
• NLP Tip - Eliminate Objections Before They Arise – Part One
• NLP Tip - The Familiarity Factor – Part Two
• NLP Tip: Looking Back, Looking Forward, Being Present - Part One
• NLP Tip: Nonverbal Metaprogram Elicitation - Part One - Jonathan Altfeld
• NLP Tip: Pivot Grammar in Hypnosis - Nick Kemp
• NLP Tip: Nonverbal Metaprogram Elicitation - Part Two - Jonathan Altfeld
• NLP Tip – If NLP’s So Great, Where’s My Ferrari? – Part Two
• NLP Tip – Practical Intuition Part Two
• NLP Tip – If NLP’s So Great, Where’s My Ferrari? – Part Three
• NLP Tip – Practical Intuition Part One
• NLP Tip - The Ultimate Covert Communication Technique - Part Two
• NLP Tip – Changing the Frame - Part Two
• NLP Tip – Practical Intuition Part Three
• NLP Tip: Rapid Belief Change – Part One
• NLP Video: 5 Behaviours Elicited - Part Four - Psycho, Social Reality Testing - Frank Farrelly
• NLP Tip: The Awesome Power of Patterns
• NLP Tip: You Can Awaken From The Dream
• NLP Audio: Coaching Demo - A Better Singer? - Jamie Smart
• NLP Tip - Embedded Commands for Covert Influence - Part One
• NLP Tip: Feeling Your Way Forward – Part One
• NLP Tip: Reward The Desired Behaviour - Part Two
• NLP Audio: Provocative Therapy Session - Public Speaking - Part Two - Frank Farrelly
• NLP Tip: How to Resolve Resolutions
• NLP Tip: Nonverbal Metaprogram Elicitation - Part Three - Jonathan Altfeld
• The Beliefs of Communication Geniuses - Part Two
• NLP Tip - Embedded Commands for Covert Influence - Part Two
• NLP Tip: How Human Beings Experience Reality or The World “Out There― - Andy Duffy
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• NLP Audio: Tibetan Star Technique - Michael Watson
• NLP Tip: Reward The Desired Behaviour - Part One
• NLP Tip - The Familiarity Factor – Part One

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 • NLP Tip: Tap Into Your Unconscious Brilliance
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• NLP Audio: Meta Model - Set Up
• NLP Tip - Acceptance and Choice
• NLP Tip – Changing the Frame - Part One
• NLP Tip – Influence with Negation
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• NLP Tip: The Manifestation Turbocharger
• NLP Tip – Feeling Better - Part One
• NLP Audio: 5 Behaviours Elicited - Part Four - Psycho, Social Reality Testing - Frank Farrelly
• NLP Audio: The Magic Minute - Demo Two
• NLP Tip: Feeling Your Way Forward – Part Two
• NLP Video: 5 Behaviours Elicited - Part One - Assertiveness - Frank Farrelly
• NLP Tip: Increase Your Income While You Sleep! – Part One
• NLP Video: Meta Model - Set Up
• NLP Video: Weight Loss & Timelines - Part Two - Andrew Austin
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• NLP Tip – If NLP’s So Great, Where’s My Ferrari? – Part One
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• NLP Tip: Mental Toughness in Sport - Part One - Jeremy Lazarus
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• NLP Tip - How To Activate Your Intuition - Part Three
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• NLP Coaching Pattern 8 - Let's Pretend
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• NLP Coaching Pattern 7 - Action!
• NLP Coaching Pattern 3 - Where? When? Whom?
• NLP Coaching Pattern 1 - Let's Start From The Beginning...
• NLP Coaching Pattern 9 - Mind Reading Disrobed
• NLP Coaching Pattern 2 - A Key Question For Real Results
• NLP Coaching Pattern 4 - What Drives You?
• NLP Coaching Pattern 6 - A Question of Ecology
• NLP Tip - Using NLP Coaching Patterns
• NLP Coaching Pattern 20 - A Great Response to "I Can't"
• NLP Coaching Pattern 15 - Transcending "Can't"
• NLP Coaching Pattern 34 - Find The Trigger
• NLP Coaching Pattern 28 - Problems Are Skills

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