How to Communicate in a New

Relationship (Plus, What Not to Do)

We know that you're excited about seeing someone new, but it might feel a
little intimidating to know what to say to them. The thing is, openly
communicating your thoughts and feelings to your partner makes your
relationship so much stronger. You're probably wondering how to talk with
them effectively, so keep reading for answers to some of your most common
questions!

1. Be honest with your feelings when you’re talking with your

partner.We know that it can be tough to open up, but it makes it a lot easier to
express yourself. Think about what you want to say beforehand, and then look for
some time where you can talk without any interruptions.[1] As you’re addressing your
concerns, bring up what you need from the relationship and what makes you feel
scared so your partner understands you better.[2]
 For example, you could pull them aside and say, “Hey, can we talk for
a few minutes? I know work has been busy, but I’m concerned that it affects
our time together.”
 As another example, you could say something like, “I feel a little
nervous and stressed because this is my first relationship. Do you have a
couple of minutes so I can tell you why I’m concerned?”
2. Tell them of any boundaries you have.If you’re uncomfortable with
public displays of affection or don’t want to be intimate, bring it up to your partner
right away. Tell them all the things you like and dislike so they know what you feel
comfortable with. That way, they won’t think you’re uninterested in them if you pull
away.[3]
Use “I” statements so you don’t put blame on your
partner.Rather than using negative “you” statements, tell them how it makes
you feel instead.[4] Try to avoid saying they did something wrong or that they
need to fix it. Instead, see if you can come up with a solution to how you’d like
to resolve the issue.[5]
 For example, you could say something like, “I feel frustrated when I’m cut off
during conversations because I don’t feel respected. I was hoping we could
wait until the other person finishes talking before saying something.”
 Avoid starting sentences with phrases like, “you are,” “you should,” “you
need,” or “you have to.”[6]
 Don’t be disrespectful to them. It’s okay if something made you angry, but
look for a constructive way to say it. For example, instead of saying, “You
always leave a huge mess,” you could say, “I noticed the mess on the floor
and it makes me a little anxious. Can we clean it up?”