 At the mind

o While it is
 Still connected in the establishment of self-identity,
o one’s individuality and sense of uniqueness takes a new shape as it is meaningfully
experienced through the eyes of a beloved.
 The feeling of being valued and the feedback gained from the relationship contributes in further
defining one’s self and enhanced self-worth.
 At this point of your life, sexual identity, attraction, liking, loving, having passionate feelings for
someone and entering in an exclusive relationship are most likely feelings for someone and
entering in an exclusive relationship are most likely becoming prominent concerns for you
o .This is the time of your life when making connections take a different level.
o Aside from the friendships you have made, a personal relationship can take your time
and attention, and starts to give special meaning in your life.
 Developmentally, intimacy is an issue expected at this stage and has to be handled well to
successfully progress to the next level or be able to handle succeeding developmental task that
come with adulthood.
 A major challenge at this point is to balance giving love and support, and receiving them in
return with the principal goal of developing a healthy relationship that will help you and the
other grow.


This developmental stage is what

 Erik Erikson characterized as a tag between intimacy and isolation.

 He noted that failure to establish a satisfying relationship can make the person aloof,
dependent, or needy.
o If not he/she may feel self; absorbed and not needing others, thus may create a sense
of isolation and a feeling of deep loneliness

“I LIKE YOU” THE MAGNET OF ATTRACTION

 ACCORDING TO WEITEN (2014) DEFINES INTERPERSONAL ATTRACTION AS HAVING POSTIVE

FEELINGS TOWARDS SOMEONE.
 IT COVERS MANY EXPERIENCES WHICH INCLUDE A FEELING IF LIKING, SENSE OF ADMIRATION,
FRIENSHIP, DESIRE(LUST),AND LOVE TOWARD ANOTHER PERSON.
 THERE ARE MANY FACTORS THAT CAN ACCOUNT FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF ATTRACTION.

Physical Attraction

This is attraction based on physical appearance. Often, at the initial

stage of dating or getting-to-know-each-other, being physically attracted to the person

significantly influences the course of the relationship.
Similarities

Which of these sayings holds true: Opposites attract' or "birds of the same feather flock together ? Many
studies point out that similarities tend to pull people together to form a bond. Whether in friendship or
romantic relationship. people who are similar in many ways foster attraction with each other. But there
are also cases when it is the other way around. Attraction can cultivate similarities by infiuencing the
attitudes or opinion of the other so an agreement is achieved. This is what social psychologists call
atitude alignment For example, you and your significant other are different in opinion about sports you
like wcn sometimes causes conflict on what shared physical activity to pursue togetner. In your desire to
maintain the closeness, you then begin to develop liking towards what the other's interest is which
relatively helps strengthen the relationship

A similarity is a sameness or alikeness. When you are comparing two things physical objects,
ideas, or experiences you often look at their similarities and their differences.

HEALTHY EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE

Respect Each Other Respect for each other should reflect both in words and actions. You do not say
words that hurt or downplay the other's feelings, values, and dignity, consequently affecting his/her self-
worth and the regard of others about him/ her. And most significantly, you have to respect each other's
boundaries,

Exercise Give and Take in the Relationship It cannot always be your way, or the other cannot have
his/her way all the time. You cannot always do the choosing of what to do on a weekend, dictate what
he/she will wear or where to go in your next date. Most importantly, when there are decisions to make
like what course to take or school to go in college, you will have to learn how to compromise your time
and schedules It will be hard to keep a relationship when power struggle exists and

Give Each 0ther Space to Grow

It is counterproductive to one's personal growth to put so much limitation to each other, like choosing
the friends he/she will go out with, or with activities he/she is allowed to do. Allow each other to grow,
As Kahlil Gibr wrote:

"Let there be spaces in your togetherness, .And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love
one another but make not a bond of love:

THE CALL OF COMMITMENT

Jean Paul Sartre said that 'commitment is an act, not a Philosopher source) In a relationship,
commitment is not simply Word". (Please pro saying I love you" and making a pubic declaration of that
feeling on spec Occasions. Making a commitment means you are going to:

Stay in the relationship not only when things are going well, but more so during tough times. It means,
you will be around in case of a long haul and can be depended on for love and support.
Be loyal or faithful to your beloved. And that, no other personal (romantic) relationships on the side will
co-exist with what you have with your partner. Be truthful in your words and actions. Honesty is a
desired value as it will be an important gauge if you can be trusted. Be responsible to carry your agreed
duties. To be in a committed relationship is to enter into a partnership based on personal choice and
mutual agreement between you and your partner.

Be persistent in working on the growth of the relationship. Relation- ship takes work. You have to
commit yourself, together with your partner, in ensuring that relationship stays strong and that it grows
into higher level. The relationship keeps getting better. One way to check if your relationship is
developing is your experience of happiness, level of satisfaction and sense of fulfillment.

An example of a serious commitment is marriage where love is not there is. A married couple
meets far greater and long term obligations in life, the most critical yet rewarding duty is to raise
children. Being responsible will make a lot of difference in the success of family life. Aside from
the important factors discussed in this chapter that help develop a relationship, husband and
wife will need to share vision and

LOVE AND PERSONAL GROWTH

Leo Buscaglia, in one of his public speaking engagements, took note o the psychiatrist R. D. Laing's quotation about
human experience: "We think much less than what we know. We know much less than what we love. We love
much less than what there is. And to this precise extent, we are much less than what we are. (please provide
source) Buscaglia wrapped up La ing's quote in saying that "But if we can get this stuff together, we can be become
all that we are. And only then can say...l am.../ am becoming... am a lover because 1give all that I am. (please
provide source) Human relationship, a healthy one at that, will help us realize what Buscaglia strives to see in each
one of us; a person growing in love and giving love because we are full of ft. It becomes possible because we
engage ourselves in relationships that promote us and fill us with love. And from that love, we grow toward
becoming the best that we can be. Workout