Harmony in the Family

‘Trust’
The Foundational Value in
Relationship
Need to Explore Relationship
We had explored “can we live in relationship without understanding
relationship?”
Having right understanding about relationship is necessary for fulfillment in
relationship

We had also explored "the unhappiness in our families is more due to lack of
physical facility or more due to lack of fulfillment in relationship?”
The major issue in family is that of relationship; physical facility (and body) is
used as a means

As long as we consider human being to be body, it is not possible to understand

relationship; and without understanding relationship, it is not possible to fulfill
relationship, even though we do want to fulfill relationship. We are trying to
assume relationship on the basis of body and trying to fulfill relationship on
the basis of body, and it does not work, inspite of all good intentions

Now we can explore relationship with the clarity of human being, as co-
existence of self and body
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Relationship
1. Relationship is – between one self (I1) and other self (I2)
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one self (I1) for other self (I2)
3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite (9 Feelings)
4. Their fulfilment, evaluation leads to mutual happiness

Feelings in relationship:
1- Trust fo”okl FOUNDATION VALUE 6- Reverence J)k
2- Respect lEeku 7- Glory xkSjo
3- Affection Lusg 8- Gratitude —rKrk
4- Care eerk 9- Love izse COMPLETE VALUE
5- Guidance okRlY;

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Now, we will explore
1. What is Trust?
2. Will trust be there for only few persons or for all?
3. Will trust be conditional or unconditional?
4. Can we trust anybody in continuity?

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Trust (fo”okl)
Trust = to be assured (vk”oLr gksuk)
= to have the clarity that the other wants to make me
happy & prosperous
= nwljk esjs lq[k] le`f) ds vFkZ esa gS] ,slk Li’V gksuk

Now, let us explore this feeling of trust between two individuals

▪ You are the first individual
▪ Think of the other as someone in your family… close friends

And let us ask some simple questions…

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Evaluating Trust – Between 2 Individuals
About your Natural Acceptance About your Ability

1a. I want to make myself happy √ 1b. I am able to make myself

always always happy ?
2a. I want to make the other happy √ 2b. I am able to make the other
always always happy ?
3a. The other wants to make 3b. The other is able to make
herself/himself happy always √
herself/himself always happy ?
4a. The other wants to make me 4b. The other is able to make me
happy always ? always happy ??

Intention – Natural Acceptance Competence

What is Naturally Acceptable to You What You Are (∑ D, T, E)
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Doubt on Intention: Mistrust
About your Natural Acceptance About your Ability

1a. I want to make myself happy √ 1b. I am able to make myself

always always happy ?
2a. I want to make the other happy √ 2b. I am able to make the other
always always happy ?
3a. The other wants to make 3b. The other is able to make
herself/himself happy always √
herself/himself always happy ?
4a. The other wants to make me 4b. The other is able to make me
happy always ? always happy ??

Intention – Natural Acceptance Competence

What is Naturally Acceptable to You What You Are (∑ D, T, E)
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About the Other
The other broke a glass
If the other makes a mistake even
once…
– I doubt his intention
– He makes mistakes intentionally
– I have a feeling of opposition, get
irritated, angry…
– I reinforce “The other is bad”, can
not improve
Doubt on intention is a major reason for problems in relationships
About Myself
The glass broke by accident
Even if I make the same mistake
100 times…
– I never doubt my intention
– I make mistakes by accident
– I have a feeling “I am special”
– I reinforce “I am good”. I do not
make effort to improve my own
competence
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Common Mistake in Relationship
I evaluate myself on the basis of my
intention

I evaluate the other on the basis of

their competence

I doubt their intention. I assume

their lack of competence to be
their lack of intention → I feel
opposed to the other, I get
?
irritated, angry…

I may not speak to the other for

days… or even breakup the Doubt on intention is a major
relationship… One may have lost reason for problems in
many good friends like this… relationships
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State of Imagination – Random and Disorganised
Force / Power Activity
cy@“kfDr fØz;k
1. Realization Natural
vuqHko 3 Acceptance
2. Understanding INTENTION
Preconditioning 1 cks/k
ekU;rk 3. Desire Imaging
Desire is not the
bPNk fp=.k
same as 4. Thought Doubt
Analysing COMPETENCE
Natural Acceptance fopkj fo'ys"k.k
on What You Are
5. Expectation Intention
Selecting/Tasting
vk'kk p;u@vkLoknu
2 Sensation
Body 'kjhj
Behaviour O;ogkj Work dk;Z Lakosnuk

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Self Reflection
If you have unconditional, continuous trust on intention (natural
acceptance) of the other and if the other is lacking competence, what
will you do:
a) Try to improve his competence Trust on Intention → Response
(and also improve your competence)
b) Get irritated
c) Get angry Doubt on Intention → Reaction
d) Have a feeling of opposition

How many persons, in your family and friends, do you have trust on
intention (natural acceptance) – unconditional, continuous?

This is fundamental. Trust on intention is the foundation of relationship

You can get an idea of the state of your understanding about

relationship from this exploration…
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Sharing & Questions regarding your Self Reflection
How many persons, in your family and friends
you have trust on intention (natural acceptance)
– unconditional, continuous?

If you have unconditional, continuous trust on intention (natural

acceptance) of the other and if the other is lacking competence, what
will you do:
a) Try to improve his competence Trust on Intention → Response
(and also improve your competence)
b) Get irritated
c) Get angry Doubt on Intention → Reaction
d) Have a feeling of opposition

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Trust: To have the clarity that the other intends to make me happy
About your Natural Acceptance About your Ability

1a. I want to make myself happy √ 1b. I am able to make myself

always always happy ?
2a. I want to make the other happy √ 2b. I am able to make the other
always always happy ?
3a. The other wants to make 3b. The other is able to make
herself/himself happy always √
herself/himself always happy ?
4a. The other wants to make me 4b. The other is able to make me
happy always √ always happy ??

Intention – Natural Acceptance Competence

What is Naturally Acceptable to You What You Are (∑ D, T, E)
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Trust

Intention
(natural
acceptance)
is
same for all Lack of Competence

Competence
of various
Competence people may
be quite
different
Me (Self1) Selfi Selfj Selfk

Take-away:
Trust on Intention (Natural Acceptance)

I am able to see that

the other has a natural acceptance (intention) to make me happy
s(he) may or may not have the competence to do so
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About the Other
The glass broke by accident
Even if the other makes the same
mistake 100 times…
– I am clear about his intention
– I know the mistake is due to lack
of competence, not a lack of
intention
– I make effort to help improve his
competence with a feeling of
affection
I know that “he may have difficulty
understanding… and also, I may
have difficulty in explaining…”
Trust on intention is the starting point for mutual development
About Myself
The glass broke by accident
When I make a mistake even
once…
– I am clear about my intention
– I know the mistake is due to lack
of competence, not a lack of
intention
– I make effort to improve my own
competence (I am willing to learn)
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Trust: The Foundation of Relationship
With trust on intention, I feel
related to the other
When I make a program with the
other
▪ I evaluate his competence as
well as my competence and
▪ I make the program in
accordance with our current
mutual competence
I am consistently making effort to
learn, to improve my competence
If the other is lacking in
competence, I am committed to
help the other to improve his
competence, without becoming
Trust on intention is the starting
irritated…
point for mutual development
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Assignment for Today
List the members in your family. Now ask the eight questions regarding
trust for each person and evaluate. Get into dialogue if required.

1a. Do I want to make myself happy?

2a. Do I want to make the other happy?
3a. Does the other want to make himself/herself happy?
4a. Does the other want to make me happy?

1b. Am I able to make myself always happy?

2b. Am I able to make the other always happy?
3b. Is the other able to make himself/herself always happy?
4b. Is the other able to make me always happy?

Now evaluate your

intention (natural acceptance) and
level of competence
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Sum Up
Trust is to have the clarity that the other wants to make me happy &
prosperous. It is the foundation of relationship

If I have trust on intention, I feel related to the other. I make a program with the
other based on right evaluation of our mutual competence
▪ In case the other is lacking in competence
− I make effort to assure the other
− I make effort to improve his competence once he is assured in
relationship (and not before that)
▪ If I lack competence, I become ready to take help from the other to improve
my competence
If I have doubt on intention
▪ I evaluate the other on the basis of his competence and assume the lack
of competence to be the lack of intention; and thus feel opposed to him
(while I evaluate myself on intention)
▪ The feeling of opposition shows up as irritation or anger (and it may
further lead to fighting, struggle and war)
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Quiz
Self Reflection