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Influence Pyramid

Tiffany Hartley

Brigham Young University - Idaho

FAML 220: Parenting

Brother Rarick

June 3, 2020
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Who I have chosen and why?

For this project I have decided to try to change the relationship with my mom. I have

struggled with my relationship with her for several years. I have been wanting to improve our

relationship but I’ve been afraid to do so. Some things that I would like to change about my mom

is the way she thinks. She tends to be really negative towards the people around her. I know it is

just part of her illness but it is still hurtful to hear her negative views towards other people. The

last time I tried to strengthen our relationship I didn’t approach it the right way and I got trapped

in her way of thinking and it really hurt the relationship I had with my sister. I am hoping that

now I will be able to use the influence pyramid to strengthen the relationship with my mom by

building the relationships with people around me to be able to filter out what she tells me.

Do you want this person to change because it will help you or because it will help her? 

I would love to help her to be able to control her thinking patterns. I mostly want to help

her because it will be beneficial to her and my dad. She would have someone else to go to when

she is in psychosis. Most of the time my dad is the only person that helps her but the last time my

mom built up negative feelings towards my dad and it took her a lot longer to get out of it.

Personally I don’t really want to have the burden of listening to her negative comments but I

know that if I do it will help my mom and also my dad to relieve some of his burdens. I probably

do have some selfish reasons as well to want to help her. Mostly just to feel better about myself

and feel like I am doing the right thing and not pushing her away.

Where should I be spending more time in the pyramid?

It would be a good idea to spend time building relationships with the people that have

influence on my mom. It would be helpful because I can get to know them and be able to see

whether the thoughts that my mom has towards them is true. I should also focus on the listen and
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learn part of the pyramid. Often times I don’t take the time to listen to what she has to say. She

used to come to me for advice but I didn’t really listen to what she was saying. I tend to be in the

better than box when talking to her which makes it hard for us to have a good relationship.

What is the state of your relationship with others who have an influence on this individual?

My relationship with other people that have influence on her could be improved. I have a

pretty good relationship with most of my siblings. I have one sister that I have always had a hard

time getting along with but it has improved after moving to college with her and getting to know

her better. My dad has the biggest impact on my mom. I would say that we have an okay

relationship. I sometimes put myself in the less than box when talking to him because of some of

the advice that he gives me. Although it does help me to see my challenges from a different

prospective and see that I have a way of changing the outcome of some of my choices.

What is the state of your relationship with this person?

The state of relationship that I have with my mom is not the best. I love her and I want

her to be happy but I have a hard time forgiving myself and moving on from things that

happened in the past. I used to be really controlling of her and trying to always make sure she

wasn’t hurting herself but I realized it hurt our relationship so I stopped. I left on my mission

soon after and since I’ve been back I’ve been trying not to get back into old habits and learn new

ways to improve our relationship.

Have you really been listening to this person and are you open to learning from him or

her?
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I haven’t been willing to fully listen to my mom. She used to call me to get advice but has

stopped because I only told her what my dad has told me he’s been trying to help her to see. For

example, my dad told me that my mom was wanting to go back to college and get a degree in

psychology. He told about how he was worried about the stress level that my mom would have in

her classes. A few days later my mom called me and asked me what I thought about her going

back to school. I didn’t really listen to her desires and tried to convince her out of it. I didn’t see

her as a person with desires but as an object I had to deal with.

I also am not really open to the idea of learning from my mom but I am open to learning

more about her. I haven’t taken the time to get to know her as a person. It would be a great start

to get to know her better than in time I think I will feel more comfortable learning from her.

How has your communication been with this person?

Our communication hasn’t been the best either. Most of the time they consist of asking

how the other person is doing and responding and then maybe a little more than that. I really

need to work on communicating better to her. I would like to be able to have good conversations

with her but I would want to avoid the negative conversations.

What might you do to improve it?

To improve our conversations I can practice communicating with her little by little. I

could try to think of good conversation topics before going in her room or asking her how she is

doing to be prepared to have something to say. I think one of the biggest problems though is the

fear that she will start to talk negatively about my other family members. I just need to overcome

that fear and realize that I can’t prevent it but I can prepare for it.