A Friends Dilemma

Background: As a child I was grown up very close to

my parents. They have always spared me the liberty to
do what I feel is good for me and for my development.
Through every incident and moment of my life I have
thought about what can get this situation right rather
than simply complaining. Most of all I have never kept a
situation away from them. But when I Reached
adolescence and started facing everyday problems just
like any other kid of my age, it was difficult for me to
decide whether or not to talk this out with parents. And it
started to bug me further when situation got little too
serious for me to think it is easier to handle.
When I was in class 10th I was surrounded by a rich and
healthy group of friends who had grown up with me. At
school we were all together and enjoyed the joy and
sorrow of schooling together. We were well known to
each other`s family and their friendship meant a lot me.
The issue was related to my friends and I was worried if I
should share this fearing they might not approve me of
their company ever again.

Case : A very close friend of mine named Ruchi who

grew up with me at school, was starting to drift away

from having a happy and healthy life. With new mates

and spoilt company she started focusing much less into
academics and sports and moved into spending time
hanging out with people with no conduct. Her mother was
a single parent and considered me to be like a daughter
of her own and looked up at me for taking care of my
friend. I valued her friendship much more than just a
company at school and always cherished the moments
we used to enjoy together. It was very evident that her
new lifestyle is paving way to trouble but it was still very
hard for me to hurt her feelings as I knew she enjoyed it.
Often I would leave clues with her about how much things
have changed between us but she would simple make fun
of me through it. As months passed things went out of
control with her. She would hardly turn up to classes and
get away with the excuse of having a single parent. Her
mother was a very confident women and had very high
hopes for Ruchi`s future. She planned and helped her
financially and emotionally through out the years. While
teachers called me constantly to converse about what
she is into I could hardly speak up my heart and explain
what was going on. There have been times when
teachers have warned for indirectly supporting her in all
she was doing. But all that urged me to keep quiet was
the fact that I was worried about the aftermath of telling
the truth to anyone at all. I know that would lead her into
a very complicated situation.
But not much of my other classmates noticed the reality.
They fell for the imaginarily reasons she created at the

heat of the moment to get away with her behavior. Mostly

people pitied for her situation. from being a good student
in studies she stepped down to average and stooped
down to becoming a below average student within a
couples of months.
I decided it was time to intervene her when she ended up
drunk in a strangers place and lied at home to have been
in a sleep over at my place when asked the following day.
I did not want to break the truth fearing the
consequences she will have to face. I took her with me to
have a personal talk that we have missed all this while so
she could understand what she is into. I explained her the
kind of change she has been into and what sort of effects
her new company is reflecting on her. And that was the
last time I ever had a conversation with her. Within
minutes of us trying to talk her friends dragged her away.
The following day she started spreading rumors about
me that was personal and offensive. Although my
teachers supported me through it and it was all gone in a
few days. My mother tried to talk about this to me a
couple of times but I refused to pay any attention to it.
Eventually we hardly spoke to each other. But the thought
whether or not to leave her be kept lingering in my mind.

Dilemma : What never got of my mind was whether

or not I will share the word with my parents or try talking
to her mother about this. She was in the verge of getting
her life into hell and spoiling her future. She was

shattering every expectation her mother had on her and

was in the verge of getting expelled from school sooner
or later. I was caught up in a situation where I did not
want to offend my friend and have my good relationship
end there. But what she was up to was disturbing.
Weeks later my friend was caught for unethical behavior
in the school premises with a senior student and was
called in for a Disciplinary committee meeting by the
school official. The school insisted on her mother being at
the meeting. I was called for it too. At the meeting they
shared her past academic records and attendance
records and tried to verify her reason of absence with her
parent and the truth was apparent. The administration
accused her for having unacceptable behavior. She was
also sent for a drug test as one of the teachers claimed
that the other kids in her company are addicted to such
habits.
Teachers called me to share all that I knew and that she
could still be helped without any actions if she was willing
to confess. They insisted on me sharing the truth so they
could help her. But I could not choose between doing the
right and doing the right thing at the moment. I told them
I knew nothing of this and tried helping her. I told them it
was only her company but not her who was into all this.
Her mother refused to believe anything that was
happening here and shut down all that her daughter was
accused off. She took of blaming the authority for the
allegations against her. The administration asked me
confront Ruchi but I refused by saying I had no clue about

anything that was happening. After hours of discussion

and arguments between the administration and her she
walked off the meeting. The school refused to accept
Ruchi back till the time her mother came back for a
meeting. They promised to handle this with an open mind
considering Ruchi`s future.

The approach : Before I left home that day my

teacher tried to make me understand how important it
was for me to spit the truth. She told me how this would
help Ruchi have a better life. But I was just too scared
that this might just be a way of making me the bait and
walked out. I was still left with the dilemma whether or
not to discuss the truth with Ruchi`s mother. I felt guilty
for keeping this away from our parents and letting this go
this far. I went and shared the truth with my mother. She
insisted on me sharing this with the Ruchi`s mother. I felt
difficult to even think what sort of trouble this can land
her into but I still had some hope that this could also put
an end to all this.
And I decided to do so. I visited Ruchi`s mother the very
evening. Though she wasn`t very much pleased to have
me there after all that Ruchi rumored about me she still
tried to accept me with an open heart. I discussed all that
I knew of her and expressed my apology for not coming
to her before. I explained my concern towards Ruchi and
left her clues to help her and not hurt her in any means. I
also told her that the school was ready to support her and

this could mean everything getting back to normal. The

following day my teacher told me that Ruchi`s mother got
her out of the school and also put her and refused to
admit her in any other school. And the following day
evening I saw her house was locked. Her neighbors
shared the information that they vacated in the
afternoon.
After a few months my mother told me Ruchi`s mother
paid a visit at home to thank me when I was away and
she was now getting better with help and assistance.

Other`s point of view: Most students of my class

were against what I did. They hated me for talking to her
mother and held me responsible for why she could not
continue with her studies. Even after many years of being
together, they all considered me to be a traitor and that I
did this all to save myself from the situation pulling me
into it. They thought I spoke the truth only to keep
myself getting involved or punished in this regard.
They considered me untrustworthy to share information
as they thought I would reveal the truth to their parents
or teachers. They moved away and kept their life
completely in dark for me.

As a Neutral observer: My cousin faced a similar

situation with her friend during her college. After two

years of being very close her friend started getting

involved in unnecessary issues outside college because of
the company she was starting to have. After days of
trying to make her understand my sister decided to give
up but with half heart. I suggested her to take the leap
and approach her parents or any other person close to
her. She handled the situation with her friend`s brother
successfully. It also helped her keep her relationship with
her friend lasting.
As a third person if I have anything to suggest to anyone I
would consider it right to speak to their parent or any
others who can help them. It was a necessity at the
moment and abstaining from doing so would have been a
clear beginning of more trouble. It might look like the
harder way but situations not necessarily come along
with a simple solution. It is better to prevent them from
happening rather than let it happen.

Strategy - : Towards Ethics :

Personally I would insist any person having to face
such a situation to realize the need to put a stop. It is
not necessary that every situation has a bitter ending
but it is better to prevent the situation from getting
out of hands.
You could also try helping them much earlier when
you observe their behavior. Intervention at an early
stage might have better effects as they are still close
to you.

 While the situation is still hot it was a difficult thing

to choose if or not to defend a friend. But looking
closer at what effects this will have in a longer term
confronting sounds right.
You might save your friend from not getting into
trouble but that does not make it right when this will
encourage them to do anything that is unacceptable.
Such situations are very common especially during
schools and college days. I have seen such situations in
my college too. Almost all of us have faced situations
trying to make up for our friend. It always leaves us with
a dilemma whether or not to let it go.
Key points: A situation might offer more than one way
out but the real way out is to way by personal ethical
standards.
Personally I felt I could have avoided much of these
issues if I had taken this too serious much earlier.