Art Class

We hear gunshots, yelling, and see a pair of feet jump out a window.

Now we see five kids--Quinn, Charles, Victoria, Raven, Jon--sitting in a line being interrogated
by Detective Johnson.

JOHNSON
(into tape recorder)
Detective Johnson, about to talk to the victims of a robbery at
the Carlyle Institution of the Arts. Five students, pretty shaken
up by the experience, but they claim to have a good memory of
the suspect’s appearance.
(to students)
Alright. I am here to help, so I need your cooperation. In the
real world there ain’t no tattle tales, snitches, finders keepers,
the truth is the truth and the truth is justice. At approximately
what time did the robbery occur?

CHARLES
Around 1:45?

VICTORIA
Yeah, about one...one forty...sorry, I, my mind is a little
jumbled, I’m still so iffy.

JOHNSON
When the suspect came into the room, what was your
immediate reaction?

QUINN
I thought, wow, what a radiant energy, so unique and poised.

The other art students nod in agreement.

QUINN
I felt I could really absorb his aura.

JOHNSON
How did he address the rest of you?
 VICTORIA
He was like, “Give me all you got, I have a weapon, don’t
scream.” I had to give him my necklace, my bracelets, my
ring.

QUINN
He took my nipple piercing.

CHARLES
My watch, my butt plug, all of it.

JOHNSON
Now, what did he look like?

QUINN
Oh, well, we actually all got a pretty good look at him, as soon
as he left we all drew character portraits of him.

JOHNSON
Oh really? That’ll save us money on a forensic sketch artist.

CHARLES
I mean, yeah, we’re art students, it’s kind of our thing.

They all laugh pretentiously.

JOHNSON
Well, let’s see. If you don’t mind I’ll be taking photos of the
drawings to take back to the office.

Charles reveals his drawing, and it’s a very, very poorly done drawing of some guy. Johnson
stares at it blankly, then takes a breath.

JOHNSON
Alright.

CHARLES
What?
 JOHNSON
I don’t think we’ll need that.

CHARLES
What do you mean?

JOHNSON
Alright, let’s see your portrait.

Victoria reveals her over the top, cryptic, abstract “portrait” of the criminal.

JOHNSON
Is this supposed to help me?

VICTORIA
I’ve never been into realism, I think why paint realistic things
when you can use your eyes? No, I capture energies, histories,
emotions, in this corner you can see the rage of this man, and
the way the red spills across the canvas reflects the infectious
nature of his--

JOHNSON
No man out in the world looks like this.

VICTORIA
No, but he may feel like this.

JOHNSON
This is of no use to me.
(to Quinn)
Please don’t disappoint me.

Quinn already knows he’s not going to be well received and slowly turns out his painting, which
is literally just a line.

QUINN
I’m an abstract art…

JOHNSON
Okay. No. What about you?
Raven looks at him and pulls out her portrait. Her depiction of the male criminal is sexy anime
style, with the criminal portrayed with bulging breasts, an impossibly thin waistline, crossed
legs, fishnets, shining eyes, and a caption that says “y-y-you wanna awest me? I-Im sowwy...at
least I like handcuffs.”

Johnson twists around and throws up.

JOHNSON
You know what, I’m not even gonna look at yours.

JON
Oh, I don’t have a drawing.

JOHNSON
That is fine by me.

JON
I have a photo though, I’m a photography student.

JOHNSON
(visibly frustrated)
Oh! Why! Didn’t! You! Say! Something! Let me see the
photo, enough of this portrait crap.

Jon turns around his laptop. There is a photo alright, but it’s blurry and edited into oblivion, and
the face of the criminal is entirely unrecognizable.

JOHNSON
You know what? You deserved to be robbed. I’m sorry.