LPE2501 ACADEMIC WRITING

LECTURE NOTES 5
[WEEK 11 – 12]

Topics:

1. Unity
2. Coherence
• Repeat Key Nouns
• Use Consistent Pronouns
• Use Transition Signals
1. UNITY

A key element in a well-written paragraph is unity. A unified paragraph has 2 important

features:

I. Each paragraph focuses on only one main idea.

II. All the sentences in a paragraph (supporting sentences and supporting details)
must be related to the main idea. These sentences must directly explain or
prove the main idea.

If a paragraph contains more than one main idea or if it has any sentence that is off
topic, this will affect paragraph unity.

Read the paragraph below and identify if the paragraph has problem with unity.

One consequence of rural-urban migration is overcrowding. The most visible

impact of overcrowded urban areas is the rise in squatter settlements. Squatter
settlements are usually slump areas with improper sanitation facilities and linked to
transmission of diseases such as cholera, diarrhoea, hepatitis A, typhoid and polio.
For example, China has seen a significant migration of its population from rural
areas to cities in the early 1990s. Beijing is the most popular tourist destination in
China. During the same time period, there were many rising cases of communicable
diseases such as cholera, polio and hepatitis A in the cities in China. This shows
that the problem of overcrowding caused by rural-urban migration will eventually
lead to other significant issues including the spread of diseases in cities. Rural-urban
migration also leads to an increase in the unemployment rate in cities. The first
problem faced by newly arrived migrants in urban areas is finding a job. While it is
true that opportunities exist in cities, it is also true that the competition for these
opportunities is fierce as there are more demands for jobs than available jobs. This
is made even more difficult because these migrants are mostly farmers, and they
are non-skilled and illiterate. Very few of these migrants make their fortunes; some
end up as illegal street vendors or odd jobs labourers while the rest end up
unemployed. Unemployment among fresh graduates is commonly related to
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numerous problems such as crime and riots.
Notice that the paragraph above has problem with unity as there are two main ideas
in the same paragraph.

✓ The first main idea is rural-urban migration will cause overcrowding.

✓ The second main idea is rural-urban migration will increase the rate of
unemployment.
✓ Also, there are two sentences which are off topic.

Off topic sentence 1: Beijing is the most popular tourist destination in China.

Off topic sentence 2: Unemployment among fresh graduates is commonly related to

numerous problems such as crime and riots.

There are two ways of correcting a paragraph that lacks in unity:

I. Separate the main ideas into different paragraphs

II. Omit the irrelevant or off topic sentences

One consequence of rural-urban migration is overcrowding. The most visible

impact of overcrowded urban areas is the rise in squatter settlements. Squatter
settlements are usually slump areas with improper sanitation facilities and linked to
transmission of diseases such as cholera, diarrhoea, hepatitis A, typhoid and polio.
For example, China has seen a significant migration of its population from rural
areas to cities in the early 1990s. Beijing is the most popular tourist destination
in China. During the same time period, there were many rising cases of
communicable diseases such as cholera, polio and hepatitis A in the cities in China.
This shows that the problem of overcrowding caused by rural-urban migration will
eventually lead to other significant issues including the spread of diseases in cities.

Rural-urban migration also leads to an increase in the unemployment rate in

cities. The first problem faced by newly arrived migrants in urban areas is finding a
job. While it is true that opportunities exist in cities, it is also true that the competition
for these opportunities is fierce as there are more demands for jobs than available
jobs. This is made even more difficult because these migrants are mostly farmers,
and they are non-skilled and illiterate. Very few of these migrants make their
fortunes; some end up as illegal street vendors or odd jobs labourers while the rest
end up unemployed. Unemployment among fresh graduates is commonly
related to numerous problems such as2 crime and riots.
EXERCISE 1

a. The paragraph below has problem with unity as it contains one sentence that is
off topic. Identify and cross out the sentence that is off topic.

1Threats posed to users by cybercrimes have increased faster than potential

victims or cyber security professionals can deal with. 2Some of these cybercrimes are
meant to intentionally harm the reputation of the victim or cause physical or mental
harm to the victim. 3These days there are many interesting and popular cybercrime
series on television. 4In order to prevent cybercrimes, preventive measures have to be
taken by users at all times. 5One such practice is secure surfing which involves
keeping e-mail addresses confidential and not chatting on open systems that do not
have anti-virus software. 6In addition, by practising secure surfing, users will only
accept data from other known users and be cautious when downloading from unknown
sites to reduce the risk of cybercrimes.

b. The paragraph below has problem with unity as it contains two sentences that are
off topic. Identify and cross out the sentences that are off topic.

1One of the factors for childhood obesity is the behavioural factor. 2It is seen that
children nowadays lack the required amount of physical activity due to the wide
exposure to sedentary indoor activities. 3In addition, children may eat large portions of
food per meal, sugar-rich foods and energy-rich foods. 4This energy gain should be
balanced with equal physical activity. 5However, as many children spend most of their
time watching television and playing video games, their energy intake becomes higher
than energy expenditure which leads to weight gain in children. 6These days,
advertising companies gain a profitable sum of money by advertising energy-rich and
sugar-rich foods. 7Instead of promoting such foods, advertising companies should
promote healthier food options. 8Hence, consuming more energy-dense foods or
snacks with large portion sizes and having reduced physical activity is an unhealthy
behaviour among children that contributes to obesity.

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c. The paragraph below not only has sentences that are off topic but also discusses
more than one main idea. Decide where the paragraph should be divided into two.
Underline each topic sentence. Then cross out the sentences that are off topic.

1Physical health is one of the factors that causes stress among college students.
2Their health can become compromised as they often adopt unhealthy eating habits,
sacrifice sleep for studying and social activities or consume alcohol and other
substances as part of their regular activities. 3Students who are chronically tired or feel
unwell due to these contributing factors will find that their performance or attendance
in class suffers. 4They also have lesser energy than healthy students to devote to
academic and social concerns, which results in their need to take more time to perform
tasks and study for classes. 5Consequently, the excessive time required to achieve
their goals can become an additional contributor to stress. 6Time management is an
important skill that is necessary to achieve a work life balance among working adults.
7Relationships with friends and significant others can also cause stress among college
students. 8This is due to the fact that college students are young adults who are still
developing emotionally; hence, maintaining or dissolving a relationship can be
especially taxing. 9Having friends who are supportive one minute but negative and
insulting the next adds unnecessary stress that can be detrimental to health. 10The

rise of suicide cases among youngsters is primarily caused by the inability to cope with
challenges in life. 11Therefore, students should work on conflict resolution skills and
communication skills in order to effectively cope with relationship stress.

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 2. COHERENCE

Although paragraph unity is important, it is not the only factor that you need to consider
in writing a successful paragraph. In order for a paragraph to be well-structured, it
must also be coherent.

To achieve coherence in writing, the sentences must ‘hold together’; that is, the
movement from one sentence to the next must be logical and smooth. There must be
no sudden jumps. Each sentence must flow smoothly into the next sentence.

3 ways to achieve coherence in writing are:

I. Repeat key nouns.

II. Use consistent pronouns.
III. Use transition signals to link ideas.

I. REPETITION OF KEY NOUNS

The easiest way to achieve coherence is to repeat key nouns. Key nouns refer to
the subject / topic you are writing about.
In this paragraph, the repetition of the key noun ‘robot’ smooths the flow of the
sentences and creates coherence.

Paragraph with coherence

The term ‘robot’ was first used in the 1920s, and today there are millions of
robots in use throughout the world, according to the International Federation of
Robotics. In the health industry, robots are being used more each day. Increasingly,
surgeons use robots for remote surgery or telesurgery. In other words, they operate
on patients without having to be in the same physical location. Although it might seem
scary to have a robot performing an operation, robotic surgery has many benefits.
Robots do not get distracted or become bored by repetitive tasks. Consequently,
patients of robotic surgery feel less pain during an operation and recover more quickly.

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Paragraph without coherence

The term ‘robot’ was first used in the 1920s, and today there are millions of
robots in use throughout the world, according to the International Federation of
Robotics. In the health industry, they are being used more each day. Increasingly,
surgeons used them for remote surgery or telesurgery. In other words, they operate
on patients without having to be in the same physical location. Although it might seem
scary to have them performing an operation, robotic surgery has many benefits. They
do not get distracted or become bored by repetitive tasks. Consequently, patients of
robotic surgery feel less pain during an operation and recover more quickly.

In the paragraph above, the word ‘robots’ has been replaced by the pronoun ‘they’ or
‘them’ after the first use. This overuse of pronouns makes the paragraph confusing
and less coherent. The reader will forget what the pronouns refer to.
There is no fixed rule about how often to repeat key nouns or when to use pronouns
as a substitute.
Tip: You should repeat a key noun instead of using a pronoun when the meaning is
unclear.

EXERCISE 2
a. Identify problems with the pronoun ‘it’ in this paragraph. Replace ‘it’ with the key
noun ‘Latin’ as necessary to make the paragraph more coherent.

Latin is a classical language belonging to the Italic branch of the Indo-European

languages. It was originally spoken in the area around Rome, known as Latium.
Through the power of the Roman Republic, it became the dominant language in Italy,
and subsequently throughout the western Roman Empire, before eventually becoming
a dead language. It has contributed many words to the English language. Together
with the Ancient Greek, it was used in English descriptions of theology, sciences,
medicine and law. It was the language of international communication, scholarship
and science until well into the 18th century, when vernaculars which include the
Romance languages replaced it. It remains the official language of the Holy See and
the Roman Rite of the Catholic Church.

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b. Identify problems with the pronoun ‘they’ in this paragraph. Replace ‘they’ with the
key noun ‘zebras’ as necessary to make the paragraph more coherent.

Zebras are primarily grazers and can exist on lower-quality vegetation. They
are preyed on mainly by lions and typically flee when threatened. They live in stable
harems consisting of an adult male or stallion, several adult females or mares and
their young or foals. They communicate with various vocalisations, body postures and
facial expressions. They bond with each other through social grooming. The dazzling
stripes that they have make them among the most recognisable mammals. They have
been featured in art and stories in Africa and beyond. Historically, they have been
highly sought after by exotic animal collectors, but unlike horses and donkeys, they
have never been truly domesticated.

Key Noun Substitutes

Although repeating key nouns can make a paragraph more coherent, you do not want
to repeat the same words too often. You can use the synonyms of the key noun or
expressions that give the same meaning if you do not wish to use the key noun
repeatedly. Pronouns, when used correctly, are also good substitutes for key nouns.

EXERCISE 3
The key noun for the paragraph below is ‘curry’. Underline the words used as
substitute for ‘curry’.

Curry is a generic word used in Anglo-Indian and English cuisine for dishes with
a sauce seasoned with spices. The spices commonly include turmeric, cumin,
coriander, ginger and chili pepper, among others. In southern India, leaves from the
curry tree may also be included. Turmeric is the main ingredient for this spicy
concoction. With its warm and bitter taste, it is used to flavour and colour the sauce
along with the curry powder, butter and cheese. The precise selection of spices for
this famous dish is a matter of national or regional cultural tradition. Outside the Indian
subcontinent, the term ‘curry’ is used to describe dishes of Southeast Asia which use
coconut milk or spice pastes and are commonly eaten over rice. Curry may contain
fish, meat, poultry or shellfish, either alone or in combination with vegetables.
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II. CONSISTENT PRONOUNS

When you use pronouns, make sure that you use the same person and number
throughout your paragraph. For example, do not change from you to he (change of
person) or from he to they (change of number).

Notice the pronoun errors in this paragraph and the corrections [in brackets] made for
pronoun consistency.

All school students aspire to become university students in the future.

However, once these students enroll in a university, he or she [they] is [are] bound
to face numerous challenges in university. Being a university student [university
students] demands [demand] a lot of hard work and perseverance. Students are also
on his or her [their] own and have to manage their affairs independently. For
example, you [they] have to manage time, decide who you [they] want to be friends
with, handle your [their] expenses and cope with emotions. Sometimes, conflicting
issues impinge on the students’ study time, so he or she [they] should know how to
handle these issues wisely.

EXERCISE 4
The paragraphs below contain inconsistent pronouns. Replace them with correct
pronouns to achieve pronoun consistency.

a. Firstly, students should make an effort to enhance his or her employability

upon graduation. One of the strategies is by obtaining expert career guidance
before choosing your field of studies. This will enable a student to identify and
acquire the right skills and knowledge needed in the job market. To gain
employment in today's challenging economic situation, students’ hard skills need
to be complemented by a good blend of employability skills. You need to have a
broad knowledge spectrum and the ability to apply that knowledge to the work
within your chosen industry. Besides, you should also be able to apply your skills
and identify strategies to facilitate transferability to other workplaces.

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b. Educators assert that computer technology provides students with many
advantages for language learning. Firstly, using computer technology provides a
student with learning autonomy. Students can be independent, and he or she can
have access to learning materials at any time of the day. For example, students
are able to access various authentic reading materials 24 hours a day either at
school or at home. Computer technology is also used to enhance interaction skills
while learning. By communicating online such as sending e-mails and joining
newsgroups, a student can interact with his or her own teachers or classmates.
For example, an online learning environment will help students who are shy or
inhibited to interact with your teachers and peers easily without the fear of face-to-
face meeting.

III. TRANSITION SIGNALS

Transition signals are connecting words or phrases that strengthen the cohesion of
your writing. Transition signals act like bridges between parts of your writing. They link
your sentences and paragraphs together so that they flow smoothly and there are no
abrupt jumps or breaks between ideas. This will also allow your readers to follow your
ideas easily and clearly.

Paragraph with transition signals

Read the paragraph below to understand how transition signals help to add coherence
to your writing.

During the early twentieth century, [1] in addition to [1] Indicating extra
industrialisation, urban growth and technological information
development, the Australian society was experiencing a
transformation of the domestic ideal. [2] Consequently, people
[2] Indicating a
were subject to an increasing array of government and result
professional programmes aiming to manage and regulate
life, particularly family life. Some of these programs were
designed to counter social changes, others were designed to
engineer them. Intervention and influence took three forms.

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[3] Firstly, techniques designed to maximise efficiency were [3] To indicate
introduced into the home and scientific principles were applied sequence and
logically divide an
to its design. [4] In addition, housework and parenting
idea
methods were scrutinised and subject to unprecedented
[4] To add
standards. [5] Secondly, all aspects of reproduction attracted
emphasis
increasing intervention from government and the medical
[5] To indicate
profession. [6] Thirdly, state, professional and philanthropic
sequence and
groups began to take over the parental role within the family logically divide an
through instruction and policy. [7] Thus, the development of idea
'modern' social ideals brought regulation, intervention and [6] To indicate
ever-increasing unrealistic standards. sequence and
logically divide an
idea

[7] Indicating a
conclusion

TRANSITION SIGNALS AND THEIR FUNCTIONS

Meaning / Transition Conjunctive Coordinating Subordinating Other Signals

Function Phrases Adverbs Conjunctions Conjunctions

To • in addition • furthermore • and • another (+

introduce • moreover noun)
an • besides
additional • also
idea • too

To • on the other • however • but • although • in spite of (+

introduce hand • nevertheless • yet • though noun)
an opposite • in contrast • instead • even
idea of • still though • despite (+
contrast • nonetheless • whereas noun)
• while

To
introduce a • otherwise • or • if
choice or • unless
alternative

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 To • in fact • that is
introduce a • indeed
restatement
or
explanation

To list in • first, second, • the first,

order third second,
• next, last, third, etc. (+
finally noun)
• the next,
last, final (+
noun)

To • for example • an example

introduce • for instance of (+ noun)
an example • such as (+
noun)

To • clearly
introduce a • in brief
conclusion • in conclusion
or • in short
summary • in summary

To • accordingly • therefore • so
introduce a • as a result • consequently
result • as a • hence
consequence • thus

Transition Phrases and Conjunctive Adverbs

Most of the transition phrases and conjunctive adverbs in the Transition Signals table
above can appear at the beginning, in the middle or at the end of an independent
clause/sentence. They are usually separated by commas.

For example, the students had to write journals every week.

(transition signal in the beginning)

The students had to write journals; in addition, they had to compile the
journals for submission every week.
(transition signal in the middle)

The students had to write journals every week, for example.

(transition signal at the end)

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The words in the Transition Phrases and Conjunctive Adverbs column of the
chart can connect two independent clauses. In this case, use a semicolon
and a comma. For example:

Independent Clause Transition phrases / Independent Clause

Conjunctive Adverbs
In warm climate zones, ; therefore , the concentration of salt is
water evaporates rapidly greater.

Both the Red Sea and the ; however , the Mediterranean is

Mediterranean have narrower.
narrow outlets to the
ocean

Some English word have ; for example , there is no German word

no exact equivalents in for the adjective ‘fair’, as in
other languages ‘fair play’.

Coordinators
This group of transition signals includes the seven coordinating conjunctions [for, and,
nor, but, or, yet, so] and the five correlative conjunctions [both…and, not only…but
also, neither…nor, either…or, whether…or]. When a coordinator connects two
independent clauses, use a comma. For example:

Independent Clause Coordinators Independent Clause

In a matriarchy, the mother , and all the children belong to
is the head of the family her family group.

In warm climate zone, , so the concentration of salt is

water evaporates rapidly great.

Subordinators
A subordinator / subordinating conjunction is the first word in a dependent clause. A
dependent clause always begins with a subordinator and must be connected to an
independent clause to form a sentence. The sentence may or may not have a comma.
The general rule is this: Put a comma after a dependent clause but not in front of one.

Although (subordinator) their sales increased last year, their net profit declined.
(Dependent clause) (Independent clause)

Their net profit declined last year although (subordinator) their sales increased.
(Independent clause) (Dependent clause)

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EXERCISE 5
Improve the coherence of the paragraphs below. Fill in the blanks with the most
appropriate transition signals from the boxes provided.

Second Indeed First

Thus Finally

a. A Child Leaving Home

A child may leave home for a number of reasons, but three seem to be more
common than any others. (a)__________, a child may leave home because of lack
of parental affection, which can leave the child with emotional scars. When parents
are cold and uncaring, a child senses this and feels that he or she does not belong
in the home. The child will then leave, seeking a home where he or she at least
feels wanted and a part of a family. (b)__________, when a child feels that he or
she is not given just recognition as a person and as an individual, he or she may
feel frustrated enough to leave home, especially if the parents do not stop what they
are doing long enough to really listen to him or her or at least to respect some of
the child’s opinions. (c)__________, severe punishment by a child’s parents, which
does not suit the child’s misconduct, may cause him or her to leave home.
(d)__________, severe punishment is child abuse, and a child will normally feel that
he or she is not safe in such a home. (e)__________, for his or her own protection
and for affection he or she may leave home.

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 In addition Besides Nevertheless

whereas for example as a result of

b. Animals and Colours

Animals use various means to protect themselves. Colour is one that is

widely used as a protective device. For instance, some birds display brightly
coloured feathers they are threatened. These are designed to frighten away the
enemy. (a)__________ to colour, some animals emit a peculiar smell for the same
purpose. (b)__________, form may be used to conceal the animal. Some insects,
(c)__________, conceal themselves by making themselves resemble leaves or
flowers. In this way, they are hardly visible because they can merge into their
surroundings. Other animals adopt regular patterns of behaviour when they are
frightened. Some pretend to be dead (d)__________ others just come forward and
stand still such as buffaloes. (e)__________, buffaloes were almost eliminated in
the 19th century (f)__________ their lack of resistance to hunters.

EXERCISE 6
Improve the coherence of the paragraph below. Fill in the blanks with the most
appropriate transition signal.

Road accidents are tragic incidents and can lead to serious injuries, financial
struggles and even emotional turmoil. There are several causes of road accidents and
knowing them might help in the prevention of road accidents. The (a) __________
cause of road accidents is distracted driving. Distracted driving includes anything that
takes attention off the road while driving. Many distractions are related to the use of
technology during driving. (b) __________, checking the mobile phone, talking and
texting on the mobile phone and even changing songs lead people to lose
concentration and focus, which may potentially cause road accidents. (c) __________,
road accidents are also caused by speeding. Speed limit signs are placed on roadsides
to inform road users of the safest speed to travel on particular roads such as roads
with higher traffic, sharp turns or uneven roads. (d) __________, many road users

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choose to ignore the speed limit and end up speeding. (e) __________, they may be
involved in a road accident because the faster they drive, the slower the reaction time
will be to stop the car and prevent an accident. Another major cause of road accidents
is weather conditions. Rain is one of the most common weather conditions that leads
to road accidents. Rain creates slick and dangerous surfaces for cars, trucks and
motorcycles, and this often causes these vehicles to spin out of control or skid while
braking. (f) __________, road users must pay extra attention and be cautious when
driving in the rain.

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