“Teaching Sexual Responsibility”

Concurrent Session (Emerging Issues)

Philippine Education Conference 2019

Fr. James Wenceslao U. Gascon, S.J., STL, DMin (Cand)

Associate Professor of Pastoral Counseling and Family Ministry
Loyola School of Theology and Ministry
Ateneo de Manila University
Senior Consultant, RMT-Center for Family Ministries, Inc.
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I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM WITH THE TITLE OF
THIS CONCURRENT SESSION

TEACHING
SEXUAL
RESPONSIBILITY
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TEACHING
▪ Can we really teach sexual responsibility?

▪ How? By telling people what to do and how to do

things?
▪ Will they listen, anyway? Teaching presumes an
unequal relationship: teacher-and-student,
knowledgeable and unknowledgeable.
▪ Are we really more knowledgeable when it comes
to sex and sexuality?
▪ I think it is better to use the word GUIDANCE,
Guiding...
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SEXUAL
▪ Sexual is commonly perceived to be genitally
related.
▪ Sexual is taboo to talk about openly; it is
difficult to discuss with people; it is a
challenge to open up, even among family
members.
▪ Sexual is limiting to acts, rather than to
promoting persons.
▪ I prefer SEXUALITY, which is more expansive
and focuses more on persons-in-relationship.
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RESPONSIBILITY

▪ I have no problem with responsibility. This

is a very good word which our generation
often forgets about.
▪ So, I propose that the title of my talk is:

▪ “Guiding Towards Responsible Sexuality”

▪ As adults, this is our role: guides—co-
journeyers, the image of both the learner
and the learned learning in the experience.
 HOW DO WE GUIDE OTHERS (ESPECIALLY THE
z
YOUNGER GENERATION) TOWARDS RESPONSIBLE
SEXUALITY?

▪ We are not going to tell them what to do and

not do.
▪ We are not going to make judgment on what is
moral and immoral.
▪ We are not going to dictate about how one
should and should not express self sexually.
▪ Neither are we going to talk about what is
good and not good about sex.
 HOW DO WE GUIDE OTHERS (ESPECIALLY THE
z
YOUNGER GENERATION) TOWARDS RESPONSIBLE
SEXUALITY?
▪ Rather, we are here to talk about how sexuality is a gift
and a responsibility.
▪ We are here to be aware ourselves and share how we
experience sexuality in our daily life.
▪ We are here to clarify our understanding and
misunderstanding about sexuality.
▪ We are here to formulate a way of understanding
sexuality that will help us towards self-awareness, self-
acceptance, and self-gift manifested by making good
choices.
 HOW DO WE GUIDE OTHERS (ESPECIALLY THE
z
YOUNGER GENERATION) TOWARDS RESPONSIBLE
SEXUALITY?

We are here to facilitate a journey—

from sensuality, to sexuality, to
spirituality.
Can you consider your sexuality as a
gift from God, a power to exercise with
responsibility and accountability?
• First, it is not easy to talk about sex
and sexuality.
• Why? Because it is considered a
taboo.
• We are naturally uncomfortable talking
about it; even parents are hesitant to
discuss this with their children.
We consider ourselves always
incompetent to talk about it.
Most often, we learn about it from people
who like us are not well informed about
the topic (friends and peers). Thus, we
develop erroneous or negative
understanding.
The only way to learn about it in a
healthy way is to talk about it in a proper
forum, like what we are doing now.
All we need is honesty and openness,
plus solid and accurate facts.
We must remember that what is
important is not only information but how
these information are appropriated thus
develop meaning and value for us.
Our context is our faith or spiritual
experience.
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Our common problem: we
always associate sexuality with
sexual act, especially sexual
intercourse.

But what is the

real meaning
of sexuality,
really?
 OUR GUIDANCE REQUIRES FIVE LEVELS OR
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CONCEPTS:

1. Understanding through factual and accurate

information (KNOWLEDGE)
2. Life is journey of self-actualization (GROWTH
& DEVELOPMENT)
3. Our choices are value driven (VALUES)

4. Our self is formed by our choices that have

consequences (CHOICE & CONSEQUENCE)
5. Good values lead to virtues; bad values lead
to vices (HABITS)
 Responsible Sexuality
ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE
HUMAN GROWTH & DEVELOPMENT
VALUES
CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES
HABITS
I
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Human sexuality is “a force (an impulse)
which, starting within the organism,
aspires to a totalizing, fusional and
pleasurable union (Martinez, 2006).”
z It is manifested as one’s
sexual identity
composed of one’s sex
(biological), gender
(identity and roles),
sexual orientation,
history of sexual
experiences (sexual
behavior), and attitudes
and values about
sexuality.
(cf. Falkenhain, 2018)
 z SEX is Biological

Sex: Are you Male or Female?

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GENDER

▪ Gender is one’s being man or

woman... Consciousness (identity)
and Self expression (roles).
▪ A more internal, psychological experience of
ourselves as male or female
▪ Masculinity / Femininity
▪ Many determining factors, including culture
▪ Manifest in our affect, behavior and cognitions
▪ More continuous – not dichotomous like Sex
▪ Androgyny (Bem,1974)
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GENDER
 GENDER
z
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GENDER
 z SEXUAL ORIENTATION

▪ Has to do with “primary & persistent”

target of our sexual attractions; and
not too easy to define.
▪ Heterosexual, Homosexual, Bisexual
(Asexual?)
▪ LGBTi
▪ Some see a continuum from Homosexual to
Heterosexual
▪ Self-report vs. Fantasy vs. Actual Behavior
are important.
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SEXUAL ORIENTATION
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SEXUAL ORIENTATION
▪ Is not identified by external
manifestation.
▪ It is more internally determined, and it
must be self labeled.
▪ Gender is who you sleep AS; sexual
orientation is who you sleep WITH.
▪ Awareness of one’s sexual history
helps determine one’s sexual
orientation.
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HISTORY OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
(Sexual Behavior)

▪ One’s sexuality is influenced by one’s sexual

experiences or behavior.
▪ Includes what sexual activities they’ve
engaged in.
▪ Includes number of sexual partners.

▪ Includes sex of sexual partners (look for

discrepancy with report of orientation).
▪ Includes possibility of sexual abuse or
sexual assault.
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HISTORY OF SEXUAL EXPERIENCES

▪ Includes what they haven’t engaged in –

extremes in developmental sexual
experiences.
▪ Includes what these experiences have meant
to them and why they have chosen this history.
▪ Includes what they have grown up with as
regards the demonstrations of physical
affection.
▪ Does sexual activity enter a relationship early
or later?
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ATTITUDES AND VALUES
ABOUT SEXUALITY

▪ About Sexuality in general & about

specific topics related to sexuality
▪ Influenced by our families, our religion,
our culture, advertising, media, our
experiences and our friends.
▪ These influences rise in importance at
different times of our life.
▪ Homophobia and homonegativism.
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Self-Awareness of One’s
Sexual Identity is Vital

*The 5 categories are not entirely

separate entities but influence
and relate to one another.
*We must be careful not to
conflate these dimensions,
especially GENDER and SEXUAL
ORIENTATION
 HUMAN GROWTH AND
II DEVELOPMENT
We Must
z Remember that We Go through Human
Growth and Development

▪ First, human growth and development

is both common and unique.
▪ Second, each stage of development
has different values, attitudes, and
needs that are based on developmental
stage and one’s personality
uniqueness. (e.g. Erik Erikson Psycho-
social Development)
We Must
z Remember that We Go through Human
Growth and Development

▪ Third, the context of one’s development

is crucial, as well as one’s genetic
composition. Recent studies have
shown the link between genes and
behavior, as well as different conditions
that affect positively or negatively one’s
development (e.g. poverty, war, political
and cultural challenges, even
calamities)
III
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What are values?

Values are ideals
that guide or
qualify our
personal conduct,
interaction with
others, and
involvement in
daily life.
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What are values?

Like Morals, they
help us distinguish
what is right from
wrong, and inform
us on how we can
conduct life in a
meaningful way.
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What are values?

Values
are not
equal.
They
have
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What are values?

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What are values?

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Value Formation
▪ Central to value formation is witnessing.
“Sa mata ng bata, ang ginagawa ng
matanda ay laging tama.”
▪ The purpose is to clarify personal values
and not impose.
▪ Since values are not taught overnight,
value formation is a lifetime process.
▪ Sex is a value. Never underestimate it.
Rather, make one see that there are higher
values.
IV
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Life: Choices &
Consequences
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Our life is about

choices. We live
because we choose
to live.
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Our contemporary culture

puts much emphasis on
our power to choose; and
the fact is we have so many
to choose from, or what
we call options.
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Sometimes, we do not know

what to choose anymore,
because we get confused and
overwhelmed by the
numerous options we have.
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Multiplicity of options does

not necessarily end up in
success. Sometimes, more
options are a disadvantage.
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We can never say “I did not

have a choice,” We will
always have to choose. We
may have limited options but
we always make a choice.
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The choices we make have

effects not only on us, but
even to those who are
innocent.
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We always choose, from trivial to

most important. However, when
we have chosen, other choices or
options are lost. In fact, even our
lack of choice is a choice itself.
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Bad choices are failures; good

choices are successes. But what
is more important is not
whether we have chosen the
best, but that we make a choice
with conviction based on our
values.
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Every choice we make has

consequences. The most
obvious consequence is
that when a choice is
made, we give up other
options.
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Choices are chosen,
consequences are a given
with the choice.
We need to live with the
consequences of our choice;
many times for the rest of
our lives.
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The consequences of our

choices are beyond our
control. Sometimes we do
not intend the
consequences of a choice.
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The consequences of choices

are not only on us. But in
many instances, others are
affected as well. Even those
innocent can become victims
of the negative consequences
of our choices.
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Choices bear
consequences: negative
consequence is sin,
positive consequence is
virtue.
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The salvation in our choices is

when are able to let go, let
God. When we discern where
God leads us which is always
the better choice.
Key: DISCERNMENT
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The Role of Choice and Consequence in
Guiding Sexual Conduct

▪ To clarify that every sexual

choice has a consequence.
▪ It is not as simple as choosing
what is good; rather the
importance of the process of
discernment. Decisions made
out of impulse is often
disastrous.
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The Role of Choice and Consequence in
Guiding Sexual Conduct

▪ This is quite vital because we

might commit mistakes, or make
bad choices. But, mistakes are
sometimes moments of grace.
▪ However, the greatest sin is
committing the same mistakes
over and over again. This is
stupidity.
V
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What are habits?

▪ Habits are the things we do, but

also and maybe as importantly,
the way we think and what we
believe.
▪ They include the self-beliefs that
influence what we do, our
behavior and the actions we
take.
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What are habits?

▪ A habit is the repeated
thinking and behaviors that
become automatic, so we
don’t mostly think about it.
▪ We need to know how we form
habits in order to change
them.
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What are habits?

▪ Habits have certain
characteristics or constituent
parts that keep us doing them:
values that are a product of
choices and consequences.
▪ Our habits are key to who we
are and the change we want.
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What are habits?

▪ What do you want to achieve?
What do you want to
change? Whatever it is,
getting it is the result of your
habits.
▪ Habits play a role in what you
look and feel like, in your
success and relationships.
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What are habits?

▪ Habits underscores our
guidance... By helping others
manage their best life and to
make changes.
▪ Lasting change, i.e. achieving
your goals – is not the result
of a one off transformation
but a product of daily habits.
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Ultimately, these 5 elements:

▪ ACCURATE KNOWLEDGE

▪ HUMAN GROWTH & DEVELOPMENT

▪ VALUES
▪ CHOICES & CONSEQUENCES
▪ HABITS
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Guiding towards Responsible Sexuality

Cultivating
Responsibility
through
EMPOWERMENT
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Life is about a Journey of ...

Self AWARENESS

Self UNDERSTANDING

Self ACCEPTANCE

Self GIFT
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