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Hadlea Dingledine

Dean Leonard

English 1201.2V7

25 January 2022

Looking for the Light

Life is like a puzzle, what is right? What is wrong? There isn’t a specific path that you

take, it has twists, turns, and possibly some cliffs. Let’s face it, we don’t have control over things

like chronic illness or injuries. I’ve learned that I have a choice to let life get me down or go with

the punches and grow stronger and faster from each experience. Perspective is a conscious

choice. Life happens, it’s how you respond to it. I choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I manage a chronic illness, social and emotional anxiety and on occasion, injuries that

come from playing sports. Sure, I could choose to give up soccer, but I’ve invested the better part

of my childhood in the sport and it saves me from myself on a daily basis. It’s how I manage my

stress level and it helps control the anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve learned to take the good with

the bad and overcome each situation stronger and more determined than before.

Last year, I got a concussion that took me off the field for exactly 11 months and out of

the game 13 months. I thought my soccer career was over. My mental health took a fast decline.

I ended up having to drop classes just so I could somewhat keep up with school. Now I’m taking

10 classes instead of the regular 7, so that I can graduate on time. After I was finally cleared to

exercise, it seemed like it took me forever to get back in shape. I felt physically weak, mentally

foggy, and socially exposed. It was a scary transition for me. I didn’t play like I felt I should

have, and I secretly struggled every day to get to practice. I felt like I was letting everyone down,

like the coach didn’t have faith in me and I felt like a failure. I felt like an outcast and wanted to
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hide. It was hard to put a smile on my face and fake it every day. My coach played me a few

games and then didn’t. I couldn’t understand why and she’s not the person you want to ask, or

she’ll bench you. I was frustrated, I wanted to quit. I thought, “Why am I killing myself when

she won’t even play me”. That’s where choosing to see that light I was talking about comes in.

I tend to expect more of myself then anyone else ever does and I have to be mindful of

that on a daily basis. Truth be told, I was truly lucky to get back in the game as quick as I did.

My counselor helped to create a schedule that would allow me to graduate on time and play

soccer. I had a rigorous soccer schedule that allowed me to fast track my fitness in order to get

back on the field, get some good touches on the ball and watch the game from an outside

perspective which helped to fine tune the fogginess I was experiencing. If I didn’t have anxiety, I

probably wouldn’t be so hard on myself, but I do, so I have to continuously remember to be

mindful and concentrate on the good things that are happening in my favor. I was given the

opportunity to be part of the team and come back from an injury at my pace, ok, maybe a little

bit slower than my pace but either way; I had my cleats on the field. I returned with grit and

determination to be strong both mentally and physically and I did just that! I ended the high

school season, ready to start my select season and showcase the many years of training that I

have invested. I feel mentally and physically fit and confident to do my job. I’m thankful for the

struggle because it made me hungry for the game I love so much.

It’s important to be mindful and take one day at a time, know that you are not alone and

lean on your friends and family for strength and support. If you’re like me, you have to work

hard and fight to consciously remain positive because the negativity will eat you alive if you let

it. I didn’t say that looking for the light comes fast or easy for me, but it always comes. I choose

to control the storm in my head, I chose me. I will always choose to see the good in the situation
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and I’ve learned that each lesson is an opportunity to grow from. I will fight my way back

because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.