MEGABASS

(THIS IS A LOOSE SCRIPT, SINCE A LOT OF OUR DIALOGUE

IS IMPROVISED AS THIS IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO
MAKE CONVINCING CONVERSATION IN THE MOCKUMENTARY
STYLE)

MONTAGE OF BRIGHTON, WITH VIDEOS OF THE SCENERY

INCLUDING BRIGHTON PIER SIGN, SEAGULLS, THE SEA AND
THE BEACH, AND CLIPS OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS DOING
VARIOUS THINGS AROUND THE BEACH AND THE HOUSE

INT. APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY

RICKY
Yo, I'm Ricky Fingers, and I’m the founder of
Megabass. I'm here in Brighton for a meeting with a
record label, who say they see a lot of promise in
me. The email did say James, but they must’ve made a
mistake. I mean who else would it be for.

SALLY WALKS THROUGH THE BEDROOM DOOR

SALLY
Ooh, sorry!
RICKY
This is my wife, Sally.
SALLY
Hi...

INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY

 SALLY
My name is Sally Bones, I've been married to Ricky
for like, two years now. Hes really misunderstood as
a person, but I get him. People may think he’s-

RICKY BURSTS THROUGH LIVING ROOM DOOR

RICKY
Where’s the shirt?
SALLY
Which one?
RICKY
Its black and white, with patterns on it. You know
the one.
SALLY
Babe, I think you’re wearing it.

RICKY LOOKS DOWN AT SHIRT AND BACK UP AT SALLY

RICKY
You just love making me feel stupid.

RICKY LEAVES AND SLAMS DOOR, CAMERA ZOOMS INTO

SALLY’S FACE AND SHE HAS A CONFUSED EXPRESSION

CUTS BACK TO BEDROOM IN APARTMENT

SALLY
TINA’S CRYING. SHE’S DROPPED A RICE CAKE.
RICKY STARES AT SALLY WITH A STRAIGHT FACE AS THE
CAMERA ZOOMS IN

RICKY OPENS THE LIVING ROOM DOOR AND WALKS IN. TINA
IS SAT ON THE SOFA CRYING

RICKY
This is Tina.

PANS TO TINA
TINA
Hi, I’m Tina

CUTS TO TINA SITTING ON BEACH FOR INTERVIEW

TINA
Hi, I'm Tina Balone, I'm Sally's best friend, we go
way back. I'm here with her and Ricky, but me and
Ricky don’t really get along. He’s a bit of a knob
and he thinks I'm very sensitive, but I think I'm
just the only one with emotion in this hou-

TINA DROPS THE STONE SHE WAS PLAYING WITH AND BURSTS
INTO TEARS WITH HER HEAD IN HANDS

TINA
Sorry, sorry. Anyway, me and Sally go way back. We
met about six months ago, she's my day one. We
actually met for a really crazy reason, basically
Ricky left her alone in a McDonald’s, and I was
working the night shift. It was like 10pm, that’s so
late I can’t believe he’d leave her alone so late. So
I sat next to her, and we talked about how much we
love big macs. (STARTS CRYING AGAIN) I'm sorry...

CUTS TO RICKY IN THE BEDROOM CALLING THE RECORD LABEL

RICKY
Yo its Ricky... yeah yeah Ricky, look I'm so excited
to come to the studio. what do you mean james? this
is Ricky... have you got the wrong number? No I know
the email said James but you made a mistake...

HANGS UP THE PHONE

SALLY BURSTS THROUGH THE DOOR EXCITED ABOUT WINNING

£3 ON THE LOTTERY, RICKY IS FEELING DOWN FROM THE
PHONE CALL

SALLY
Oh my god babe guess what, i just won £3 on the
lottery!

RICKY
(CLEARLY FEELING DOWN) Oh yeah that’s great babe
that’s great.

SALLY
What’s up?

RICKY
 I’m just... I'm just so drunk babe.

SALLY LOOKS CONFUSED

SALLY
Well what have you drank? Who have you been with?

RICKY
You know just the guys!

SALLY
Who even are the guys? Every time you tell me about
the guys you never say a name, you never tell me how
you met them-

RICKY INTERRUPTS HER, TENSIONS STARTING TO RISE

RICKY
You know the guys, John, Jim, Stan...

SALLY
Those are just generic names Ricky!

RICKY
Just go, just go. It’s not the time I'm shitfaced.
I’ll talk tomorrow.

CUTS TO THE NEXT MORNING

 RICKY
(TO CAMERA) So obviously the record label thing fell
through, so I'm gonna head to the casino, I figured I
can make some quick bucks there and Sally will never
have to know a thing.

CAMERA CUTS TO SALLY LISTENING AT THE DOOR AS RICKY

SPEAKS, SHE SIGHS AND WALKS AWAY

IN THE NEXT SHOT RICKY AND SALLY ARE AT THE BEACH,

THE CAMERA IS ABOVE THEM AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.
BOTH CHARACTERS ARE UNAWARE THEY’RE BEING FILMED

SALLY GETS DISTRACTED BY SOME GRAFFITTI, WHEN HURRIED

UP BY RICKY SHE TRIPS AND ANNOYS HIM EVEN MORE.

CUTS TO THE CAMERA BEING BEHIND RICKY AND SALLY AS

THEY TALK

RICKY
It’s a nice day isn’t it?

SALLY
Yeah, yeah...

RICKY
Are you gonna talk or?

SALLY
Well i was just about to actually...
Did you know that sand is just rocks that have ground
up against each other over millions of years?

RICKY
What are you talking about? You always come out with
these stupid things, I don’t know why you bother
lying to me.

SALLY
Ricky, I'm just trying to have a conversation with
you. You get angry with me when I don’t talk and then
you get angry when I do, I can't win!

RICKY
No, you can talk but just not stupid things like that
that aren't even true. Sand is put there at night,
people bring it here when everyone is in bed.

SALLY
What?

EXT. BEACH- DAY

INTERVIEW WITH SALLY

SALLY
What are my hopes and dreams? I don’t know, have a
really happy marriage with lots of kids, stabi-
(RICKY RUNS ACROSS FRAME, INTERRUPTING INTERVIEW)
SALLY
Stability, and I love peace and quiet.
 (RICKY RETURNS INTO FRAME WITH MILKSHAKE IN HAND)

RICKY
Look at this! It’s a milkshake!

SALLY
Where did you get that?

RICKY
The pigeons were playing with it so it must be good

SALLY
What?
(SHE GOES TO TAKE MILKSHAKE FROM HIM)

RICKY
Give me my drink. Why are you trying to make my day
worse? I just want to vibe and make beats and you
drag me to the beach.

(HE WALKS OFF)

SALLY
Yeah, peace and quiet is what I’d like the most.

INT. ARCADE- DAY

MONTAGE OF ARCADE AND RICKY AND SALLY MESSING AROUND
WITHIN THE ARCADE
RICKY SNEAKS INTO ARCADE ROOM
RICKY WALKS TOWARDS CAMERA

RICKY
Stop recording would you. Sally, we’re leaving.

RICKY ON BEACH THROWING STONES INTO THE OCEAN

INT. BEDROOM- DAY

RICKY IS WOKEN BY THE CAMERAMAN AND AIMS GUN AT

CAMERA, GETS UP AND POINTS GUN AT OWN REFLECTION.

EXT. BEACH- DAY

SALLY
Todays the day. We’re leaving Brighton.

RICKY
Yep, got that record deal, got the money, so we’ll be
heading back and everything will fall into place.

SALLY
Yep. Have you enjoyed it?

RICKY
Nah but, you know.
 SALLY
Why?

RICKY
Don’t start.

SALLY
Well I’ve really enjoyed it.

EXT. SCOTLAND, SHOPPING CENTRE- DAY

RICKY
So, we fell asleep on the coach back to Wycombe, and
ended up in Scotland. Not much to do here. So yeah,
not sure how long we’ll be here, I suppose until we
figure out a way back home.

MONTAGE OF RICKY EXPLORING THE LAKE AND WOODS, SHOT

SHOWING JOHNNY ROCKS AND 420 BENNY ON PIER.

RICKY
So I was really bored, but I came across these two
guys. This is 420 Benny, and this is Johnny Rocks.
Really chill guys, they know a lot about the loch
ness monster

JOHNNY
And NPCs
 RICKY
Yep, been educated on NPCs, so we’re gonna find this
fucking thing.

GROUP WALKING TOGETHER

RICKY
I was with Sally a few hours ago but then I found
these guys and just sort of walked off. I hope she's
alright, but I don’t really care.

JOHNNY
You see that bit of water there? I saw the loch ness
monster. He’s coming.

RICKY
When?

BENNY
Now. The clock is ticking

RICKY
This is too much

BENNY
He’s nearby, fuck!

JOHNNY AND BENNY RUN OFF, RICKY STAYS BEHIND

 RICKY
Fuck that, I’m in way too deep.

RICKY WALKING ALONE, TALKING TO CAMERAMAN

RICKY
I'm really scared. I ran away from those guys, I
think they're crazy. I just want to find Sally, I
feel like they're following me

JOHNNY
Where are you going? Come back

RICKY
I have to go find Sally

BENNY
You missed the loch ness monster!

RICKY
Oh that’s a shame. I really need to go now

BENNY & JOHNNY

Don’t go

RICKY RUNS AWAY AND HIDES BEHIND A TREE

RICKY
 I need to find Sally.

RICKY SEES SALLY

RICKY
Sally! Sally! Where have you been?

SALLY
You ran away from me!

RICKY
No time for arguments, I've just been around some
crazy people I need to tell you about it. Loch ness
monster, crazy people sniffing me...

SALLY
(SARCASTICALLY) Yeah right.

RICKY
Why are you acting like I’m lying? I ran away from
them, they thought I was an NPC. Let's just go.

SALLY
Ricky, you walked away just admit it. Boy who cried
wolf, ever heard of it?

RICKY
You’re the girl who cried you should shut the fuck
up.
 CUTS TO JOHNNY AND BENNY SEARCHING FOR RICKY.

JOHNNY
I can smell him. He went that way.

RICKY AND SALLY SAT ON BENCH

RICKY
I feel like you’re mad at me. I don’t know why, but I
got you something to make you less mad at me.

SALLY
Aw Ricky, thank you.

RICKY
I stole it too

SALLY
What did I tell you about stealing?

RICKY
Here we go again. Just take the gift and be happy

SALLY
This is like the time you stole that cat-

RICKY
 Ooh, a baggie!

SALLY TAKES THE BAGGY OFF HIM, RICKY WALKS AWAY

RICKY & SALLY STANDING ON BEACH

RICKY
Smell me, I stink of NPC

SALLY
You just stink of sweat

RICKY
Thanks.

RICKY AND SALLY WALKING DOWN ROAD, RICKY SEES 15MPH

SIGN

RICKY
Oh, for God’s sake
HE STARTS RUNNING TO MATCH SPEED ON SIGN
Hurry up, do you want us to get arrested?

AT THE BEACH JOHNNY AND BENNY ARE SNEAKING UP ON

RICKY

JOHNNY
I found you!
 RICKY
Oh, hey guys

BENNY
Thought we’d lost you

JOHNNY
You have to be careful out here, the altitude will
get you

RICKY
Now that you mention it I can't really breathe

BENNY
Neither can I, sit down mate.

THE THREEE OF THEM SIT DOWN AND START GASPING FOR

AIR.

JOHNNY RAMBLES TO BENNY ABOUT RANDOM SCIENCE TOPICS,

IMPROVISED.

INT. HOME- DAY

RICKY
So, we’re back from Brighton and Scotland, and
obviously the record deal didn’t happen, and I spent
all the remaining travel and some other things. So I
think I'm just going to propose to her, that should
make up for it. So when she gets back from unpacking
I’ll let her know.

IN LIVING ROOM

RICKY
Sally?

SALLY
Yep?

RICKY
I’ve gotta talk to you about something

SALLY
What’s wrong? Is anyone hurt?

RICKY
No, no, it's just you know that record deal and all
the money I got? Well, there was no record deal, and
I didn’t get any money. So anyway, I was thinking to
make up for that, maybe you could marry me or
something. I’ve got the ring here so...

SALLY
Ricky, we’re already married. We got married like two
years ago, how do you not remember this

RICKY
Urm...
 SALLY
Do you seriously not remember our wedding? We were in
that shed with four of our mates, you found that
bottle of wine and you insisted we drink it.

RICKY
Yeah, I was really drunk. So anyway, yes or no?

SALLY
Umm, ok fine.

RICKY
Cool

SALLY
What do you want for dinner?

RICKY
Breakfast

END.