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How to Say It For Women

Communicating with Confidence and Power Using the Language of Success
Phyllis Mindell • Prentice Hall Press © 2001 • 256 pages

Women in Business / Women’s Careers

Take-Aways
• Women should be aware that every form of communication – speech, print and e-mail – offers hidden
messages.
• Your communication abilities either enhance or diminish your professional status.
• Leave personal language at home. Speak professionally in the office.
• Passive verbs sound weak to your listeners and readers.
• Reduce excess baggage, adverbs and adjectives from in your sentences.
• Use action verbs to flex strong muscles in your speech and written statements.
• Avoid four grammatical signs of weakness: hedging phrases, stuck-on questions, extraneous descriptions
and "hypercorrectness."
• Plan, structure and rehearse formal and informal presentations. Delete jargon.
• Business women should convey an attitude of confidence and competence.
• Make the most of silence. Thoughtful pauses pack power and grace into your speech or presentation.

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 Recommendation
Communication and gender gaps plague the workplace. Groups at corporate meetings and presentations
often ignore females' voices or relegate them to the background. Fortunately, Dr. Phyllis Mindell diagnoses
the language problems that block women in business and provides grammatical cures for lackluster skills.
Her book offers excellent examples, exercises and "action plans" to guide women (and, to a large extent,
men, too) through the maze of language and politics. The text's only flaw is a small dose of repetition.
Otherwise, getAbstract considers this book essential reading for women in the executive suite and those
trapped below the glass ceiling.

Summary
Women have moved deep into corporate circles and have seats in the executive boardroom. But despite
those advances, women still lack the prestige and power of their male peers. Although sexism and other
forces contribute to the gender gap, women often let their inadequate communication skills undermine their
career advancement. Passive and weak grammatical choices can sabotage their drive for recognition and
growth. For example, these grammatical habits weaken what you say:

• Limp introductory clauses – Avoid beginning sentences with "I think," and "I feel."
• Deflected glory or authority – Don't boost others at your own expense. Don't put yourself down to make
your listeners feel better.
• Endless apologies – Don't apologize for issuing directions or for succeeding.
• High-volume commands – Ironically, shouting for attention often has the opposite impact and makes
listeners discount you.

“Planning separates the women from the girls, the strong from the weak, the confident
from the fearful.”

The issue of language and authority extends beyond weak grammar. Women fail to master the dialogue of
power because of false fears of appearing overbearing or excessively masculine. But, you don't have to speak
like a man to attain prestige. Reach for power by developing the speech patterns of a "strong woman."

“In the workplace, we unwittingly use communication styles that sabotage our messages
and our ability to succeed.”

For instance, in the classic tale Charlotte's Web, by E.B. White, the title character, a spider named Charlotte,
is a strong female who uses language to save a life and to organize her peers by weaving words into her web.
Find the Charlottes in your workplace or industry. Monitor your speech so that you emulate their language.

Liberate Your Language

Weak words handcuff your career. Your choice of vocabulary and sentence structure defines your status.
Even if your business cards are embossed with a high-ranking title, the public will treat you like an assistant
if your grammar is weak or passive. For instance, avoid starting sentences by using "I" in an "indecisive" way

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 because that broadcasts weakness and uncertainty, especially if you misuse it or misplace it in instructions.
"I statements" derail your speech in five different ways:

1. "I assertions" often mistakenly place blame on your shoulders.

2. They suggest that you don't have a firm grip on facts (“I believe”).
3. They insinuate tentative leadership.
4. They give the impression that you have the world view of a self-centered child.
5. They frequently involve "wishy-washy" sentimental verbs ("I feel") that are usually not suitable for
professional settings.

“We can be powerful and good at the same time.”

You may be using "I" to inject inappropriate feelings or analytical double-talk. Using "I" incorrectly shifts the
subject and focus of the sentence to you and away from the person you are addressing. For example:

• Incorrect: I feel this book will help you. Correct: This book will be useful to you.
• Incorrect: I believe these examples might be relevant. Correct: Here are a few concrete examples of
errors.
• Incorrect: I fear your report has errors. Correct: You made mistakes in your report.

“We don't have to act like men to be strong – we can act like strong women.”

Avoid these problems that impair or sabotage your speech and leadership:

• Buffer phrases or "hedges" – Avoid padding such as "clearly," or "I guess that." Buffer phrases suggest
that you are uncertain about the facts.
• Tag lines – Many women tag questions onto simple statements: "The words are on the page, aren't they?"
This tag derails your authority and undercuts your message.
• Teen phrases – You sound silly if you spread the word "like" throughout your speech like lip gloss. ("The
meeting was, like, so helpful.)
• Avoid passive verb structures – Passive phrases like this are to be avoided.
• Word clutter – Don't overaccessorize your speech with adjectives, adverbs and conjunctive phrases.
Your message gets lost in the clutter. Deliver praise and criticism with clutter-free phrases that provide
meaningful details.

Use Verbs of Action

"Action verbs" pack your speech with authority. Compare the following statements: "Your suggestions have
become the cornerstone of my improvement." or "Your suggestions worked for me." The second statement
sounds stronger because the active verb "worked" has more muscle than the weaker phrase ("have become").
Women of power use strong verbs to instruct their staff, to decline assignments politely and to evaluate
performances.

“Nouns matter, but action verbs drive the language of success.”

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 Charlotte, the spider, spun webs of words with short descriptive phrases. The spider avoided mind-numbing
jargon such as "rightsizing the barnyard" or "customizing interactions with the farmer." Her vocabulary
included action words: "builds," "hurls" and "drinks blood." Choose large words with precision. Use the
following six steps to develop a powerful vocabulary:

1. Think first; speak second.

2. Use concrete verbs of action. Don't use "facilitate"; say "help" or "assist."
3. Be shrewd about business terms. Jargon and industry lingo are useful in small doses and in the right
context.
4. Tap into metaphors. Paint vivid pictures with creative images to explain complex issues. Reach beyond
clichés and metaphors from sports and wars, which are often used by men. Don't be shy about using
images from your life, including gardening, cooking or sewing.
5. Find role models; copy their speech patterns and word choices.
6. Constantly improve your vocabulary. Stay current and study the dictionary.

Organizing Your Presentations

Organization separates effective communicators from misunderstood speakers and writers. As a writer,
Charlotte carefully crafted her texts. Effective public speakers have a recipe for success. To create powerful
speeches, presentations, reports, memos and even e-mails, first define your audience and clarify your goals.
List related details, arrange them into groups and rank them in priority order. Generate your main topics
and rank them, then create a thesis statement. Organize the beginning and end of your presentation. Then,
map out your paragraphs, transitions and flow.

“Control the subject and the distance; then you can remain civil, prevent personal
attacks, avoid the weak I form, and become She Who Must Be Obeyed.”

Now, you are ready to begin to write. Organize your visuals, graphics, photographs and slides. Rehearse,
record your rehearsals and edit your presentation. Listen to a taped version and make final changes,
checking your diction and pace. To polish a memo or letter, read it out loud.

Presentations are prominent milestones on the road to power. Your performance during speeches, client
pitches and department meetings could make or break your career. Your presentation begins before you
utter a sound. Even when you are offstage or seated on the dais, the audience watches and monitors your
stance, walk and grip on the podium. Tape yourself "before, during and after" a presentation. Avoid poor
posture and distracting hair, earrings, makeup or clothing. Don't apologize, giggle or put yourself down.
Conquer performance anxiety with preparation. A written script will:

• Boost your confidence.

• Give you the best word choices.
• Help you manage your allotted time.
• Reduce your preparation time for future presentations.

“Grammar is destiny.”

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 Enhance your script with personal stories, repetition of major themes or concepts, and rhetorical questions.
Don't ignore the power of silence and pauses. Avoid rapid-fire speech. During a presentation, silence attracts
attention, emphasizes major points and creates a shield of power.

Reading Assignments

There are two types of reading: 1) for pleasure (novels, short stories and general interest articles) and 2)
educational reading (industry journals, business books and other trade literature). Although reading for
relaxation is fine, "power reading" is important to your career, but it's an art. Learn to:

• Scan – A quick search for key phrases or concepts. With the help of your computer, a search-and-scan
approach will help you manage large volumes of information.
• Skim – This technique makes the most of established formats and popular templates. Quickly review
titles, references, indices and tables of content. Skim though a book's chapter headings and examine
graphs, photos and other visual data. Using this method, you can get a preliminary review of most books
in 120 seconds or less.

“I have to think things out, catch what I can, take what comes.” [ – Charlotte in
Charlotte's Web by E.B. White]

After skimming or scanning, set aside magazines and books that you want to "preread." This step requires
active engagement in the reading process. Pay close attention to the writer's message and language.
"Prereading" involves the following four steps:

1. Study the structure – Skim the titles, subtitles and captions in books and articles. Study a Web site's
organization.
2. Look for thesis statements – Most books give their thesis statements and main points in the introduction.
3. Hunt down main topics – Read the opening and close of each chapter for big ideas.
4. Make a "deep reading" decision – Do you care enough about the topic to read the entire text on a word-
by-word basis? If so, consume every word. Take notes in the margins. Leave comments on Post-it notes.
Integrate the main points, facts and concepts into your life.

How to Promote Listening

All people filter while listening. Everyone tends to use selective hearing based on the gender, ethnicity
and class of the speaker. Be aware of your own biases. Your filters can block you from hearing important
office signals. You may ignore speakers with valuable information because they have poor grammar, bad
pronunciation, body odor or an attitude of hostility. Boredom, anxiety, and inflexibility also may impede
your listening skills. You may be too busy chatting to hear key workplace messages. Use these seven tools to
increase your listening abilities:

1. Study body language. Watch the speakers' hands; hear their voices’ rise and fall.
2. Use "precision listening." Take careful notes; write down exact phrases.
3. Be a parrot: Play back the message. Repetition eliminates misunderstandings.
4. Use empathy.

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 5. Ask for clarifications.
6. Request additional details and data.
7. Provide comments that incorporate the speakers’ insights.

Climbing the Leadership Ladder

The four levels of leadership each require unique, steadily advancing language skills:

• "Novice" stage – If you are a beginner and want to be a future leader, acquire a reference library, listen
closely to your peers and role models, utilize industry or corporate continuing education opportunities,
and begin speaking before small groups.
• "Apprentice" stage – Intermediate-stage leaders hold prominent positions in small groups in the
community or company. Become well-skilled in using the Internet, writing for industry professionals
and speaking in front of large audiences.* "Master" stage – The "seasoned leader" addresses national or
international groups, and appears on television and radio shows. The master operates in a larger forum
in print, on air and on the stage.
• "Mentor" stage – A fully mature leader nurtures others' careers through mentoring. She provides one-on-
one or small-group education and professional opportunities for novices and apprentices.

About the Author

Dr. Phyllis Mindell, a consultant and a professor at Georgetown Medical School, has written books,
articles and research papers on language and communication. Her books include Power Reading and A
Woman's Guide to the Language of Success.

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