MINDFULNESS • THE RESILIENCE ISSUE

Breathe
EMBRACE CHANGE • MOVE FORWARD WHEN YOU FEEL STUCK
BUILD THE HABITS THAT NOURISH YOU
NAVIGATE CONFLICTS WITH EASE • UNLOCK YOUR INHERENT WISDOM

10 GUIDED
MEDITATIONS
Awaken well-being
and give your inner
critic a rest
APRIL 2022
mindful.org
 CONTENTS THE RESILIENCE ISSUE

10 GUIDED
MEDITATIONS
Awaken well-being
and give your inner
critic a rest

Cultivate Curiosity 21

Open Up to Challenges 23

Start to Forgive 27

Heal from Trauma 41

Set Intentions 58

Be Kind to Your Mind 59

Connect with Wholeness 60

Welcome Rest 61

Return to Your Senses 62

Reconnect with Your Values 63

PHOTO BY XIAOLIANGGE / ADOBESTOCK. COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY AXEL KILLIAN / PLAINPICTURE

Breathe into
Change
When you share mindfulness with people around you—not as an expert, but simply
as a fellow traveler—you discover how to deepen your own practice, writes Jaime
Ledesma. Explore our guide to crafting your own mindful mini-retreat at home.

p.44
April 2022 mindful 1
 32
contents

On the Cover
It Can Change
in a Moment
Robert Huber reports on how 44 Breathe
mindfulness is helping survivors of gun
violence to navigate their pain, one 18 Build Habits That Nourish You
breath at a time.
22 Navigate Conflicts With Ease

24 Unlock Your Inherent Wisdom

32 Move Forward When

You Feel Stuck

54 Embrace Change

44
Share Your
18
STORIES

Mindful Living
Get Curious
Meditation Practice 22 Inner Wisdom
Agree to Disagree
Jaime Ledesma offers a guide to
crafting your own at-home meditation 24 Health
retreat, helping you to deepen your
The Work It
practice and share it with others.
Takes to Forgive

ILLUSTRATION BY SPENCER CREELMAN, STOCKARTROOM / ADOBESTOCK, PHOTOGRAPH BY NABODIN / ADOBESTOCK

28 Brain Science
Refuge and Compassion

EVERY ISSUE

4 From the Editor

7 In Your Words

54
8 Top of Mind

16 Mindful–Mindless

64 Bookmark This

Always Different, 72 Point of View

Always the Same
One thing mindfulness can teach us,
writes Barry Boyce, is a kind of recipe
for navigating change: time + kindness
+ curiosity + not-knowing.
with Barry Boyce
VOLUME TEN, NUMBER 1, Mindful (ISSN 2169-5733, USPS 010-500) is
published bimonthly for $29.95 per year USA, $39.95 Canada & $49.95 (US)
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© 2022 Mindful Communications & Such, PBC. All rights reserved.

2 mindful April 2022

 E R
CR I P T I O N O F F
SU BS

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• Set of 8 guided audio
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from the editor
JOIN US
coaching
Everyone deserves a coach who believes in them.
Sign up for Mindful’s new one-on-one live coaching
program and discover what’s true for you. Developed
in collaboration with leading neuroscientists, we’ve
created a customized, one-on-one coaching experience
to help you develop tangible, easy-to-apply habits that
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Learn more at
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Heather Hurlock is the editor-in-chief of Mindful magazine
and mindful.org. She’s a longtime editor, musician, and
meditator with deep roots in service journalism. Connect
with Heather at heather.hurlock@mindful.org.
4 mindful April 2022
Boundless Care
My youngest baby was born with frown lines between her
eyes. She came out angry, like she knew she was going to
be one of those kids who struggles with life and wasn’t
ready to meet the day. I held her in my arms for the first
time, whispered “Hello,” and watched in awe as her frown
lines disappeared and calm, peaceful recognition spread
across her face at the sound of my voice. It’s a moment of
connection I will cherish forever.
To this day, my little one resists waking up. Every day, I
whisper “Good morning” and then wait by her bed holding
up a blanket that I wrap around her like a cape once she
finally stands up. Then I follow her downstairs holding the
blanket’s train in a morning procession fit for a queen. Yes,
it’s a bit much. But she’s a sensitive kiddo and needs a lot of
loving care in order to feel full.
As we enter our third pandemic spring, I imagine the
whole world could use a little bit of this kind of opulent
attention right now—boundless care flowing from as many
of us as possible. Love in action pouring into our communi-
ties in order to fill our cups so we can meet the challenges
of the day. But it’s hard to lavish your attention when it’s
being regularly hijacked by social media, or depleted by
burnout and stress.
Which is why, for this April issue, our team at Mind-
ful created a resilience guide for extraordinary times.
Managing editor Stephanie Domet shares how practicing
curiosity helped her shift her perception of a difficult
situation (page 18). Physician and mindfulness teacher Dr.
Christiane Wolf explores how the hard work of forgiveness
can temper rage and soften bitterness (page 24). Dr. Wolf
also teamed up with us to create a course on navigating
physical pain (see ad to the right). Journalist Robert Huber
reports on how mindfulness is helping to heal one of our
most tender communities: survivors of gun violence (page
32). Veteran teachers Tovi Scruggs-Hussein, Mark Bertin,
and Shalini Bahl-Milne offer a DIY at-home mindfulness
retreat so you can share your practice with your friends
and loved ones (page 54).
As the late visionary writer bell hooks said: “Rarely, if
ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of
communion.” May you surround yourself with loving com-
munities of care. May your practice fill your communities
with an abundance of love. And in those moments when
kindness feels scarce, may you remember to return to your
PHOTOGRAPH BY CLAIRE ROSEN
breath, and to the light of your own heart.
With deep gratitude,
 WORKING
WITH PAIN Mindfulness practices and
insights for pain relief

NEW COURSE! WITH CHRISTIANE WOLF

MD, PH.D.

A gentle, science-backed approach to connecting

with, understanding, and working with your
experience of physical pain.

LEARN MORE
mindful.org/pain-course
 Healthy Mind, Healthy Life mindful magazine • mindful.org

Welcome to Editor-in-Chief
Heather Hurlock
heather.hurlock@mindful.org
Creative Director
Jessica von Handorf
jessica.vonhandorf@mindful.org

Managing Editor Associate Art Directors

Stephanie Domet Spencer Creelman
Paige Sawler
Founding Editor
Barry Boyce Associate Editors
Ava Whitney-Coulter
We are dedicated to inspiring Senior Editors
Kylee Ross
Oyinda Lagunju

and guiding anyone who Amber Tucker

wants to explore mindfulness MINDFUL COMMUNICATIONS & SUCH

to enjoy better health, more Mindful is published by Mindful Communications & Such,
PBC, a Public Benefit Corporation.
caring relationships, and a more Chief Executive Officer President
compassionate society. Bryan Welch
bryan.welch@mindful.org
Brenda Jacobsen
brenda.jacobsen@mindful.org

By reading Mindful and sharing it with others, you’re Chief Financial Officer Founding Partner
Tom Hack Nate Klemp
helping to bring mindfulness practices into the world
where the benefits can be enjoyed by all. Accounting Vice President of Operations
Kyle Thomas Amanda Hester

Thank you! Director of Technology

Michael Bonanno
Vice President of Marketing
Jessica Kellner

Application Developer Director of Marketing

Garang Thiong Leslie Duncan Childs

Manager of Information Systems Marketing Coordinators

Joseph Barthelt Audhora Rahman
Tequiera Howes
Director of Human Resources
Lauren Owens Events Manager
Maggie Colby
Director of Coaching
Zina Mercil Director of Client Services
Monica Cason
Print magazine & special topic publications Office Manager
Deandrea McIntosh Client Relations Assistant
Abby Spanier
Administrative Assistant
Lydia Kajumba

30 Day Mindfulness Challenge

Board of Directors
David Carey, James Gimian, Brenda Jacobsen, Eric Langshur (Chair),
Larry Neiterman, Bryan Welch

FREE! Guided meditations & podcasts

Mindfulness video courses
ADVERTISING INQUIRIES
Advertising Director Advertising Account Representative
Chelsea Arsenault Drew McCarthy
Toll Free: 888-203-8076, ext 207 Toll Free: 888-203-8076, ext 208
chelsea@mindful.org drew@mindful.org

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6 mindful April 2022

 in your words

A Sense of Wonder
Mindful readers share what sparks curiosity and awe.

What sparks I've been really wanting to get In your mindfulness ↑

wonder for you?
My kids.
theonlyportia72
The night sky. Always. The
dark, inky, borderless sky. All
those stars. How you can't
see it all at once, can't take it
all in at once. Looking up at
the night sky requires pausing
and breathing deeply—and
lying down so you can look
as long as you want without
hurting your neck (mindfully
pragmatic).
jewellofawriter
The magical relationship I
have with my sister. Recovery
from anorexia—deciding to
live outside the cage.
Jo L.
Observing children play and
learn new skills. Also any
creative movement.
vbutler733
back to my Polish roots and
learn more about healthy Polish
cooking. I'm working on a cou-
ple of cookbooks and would
like to fuse millennial taste with
non-traditional Polish food.
kissmywellness
Nature.
terparluv
Nature intrigues me to no end.
I’m blessed to live in such a
beautiful world.
Kristi B.
How do you feel when
something is new or
unfamiliar?
EXCITED: 22%
CURIOUS: 47%
UNCOMFORTABLE: 39%
practice, what sparks @elinalim.co stays open to
your curiosity? learning and reflects on the
ways that growth comes from
acknowledging that we don't
Personally, with challenging know everything.
health ailments, I focus inter-
nally on relaxing each area. ↓
KerstinWilkey @bound.works reminds us
that when we take care of
Noticing the felt experiences our heart, we can make
in my body along with the healthier decisions.
running narrative in my mind.
And considering which one
feels more regulating for
my nervous system in those
mindful moments.
dannette_adams
Watching my thoughts come
and go. Some linger, some
are fleeting, some random,
some not so random.
MDCamp2
The feeling of learning some-
thing new and the feeling of
helping someone learn some-
thing new!
UpasnaGautam

Next Question…
What does self-compassion →
@tinycampsedona looks for-
mean to you? ward to new adventures. They
Send an email to yourwords@mindful.org write, "When nothing is certain,
and let us know your answer to this question. everything is possible."
Your response could appear on these pages.
top of mind

maintain,” Daz-
monique Carr, one
of the program’s
beneficiaries, told
the outlet Grist.
She hopes to pass
her farm down to
her son.

HOW WE THRIVE

What creates
human flourish-
ing? The Global
Flourishing Study,
launched October
2021, is seeking
answers. Over
five years, social
and biomedi-
cal scientists at
Harvard’s Institute
for Quantitative
Social Science and
Baylor University
will collect data

TOP OF from 240,000

participants in 22

mind Senders Kindness

Initiative aims to
how they practice
kindness. Morgen-
documentation)
of ownership over
countries, using six
“domains” of flour-
ishing: happiness
and life satisfac-
tion; mental and
Keep up with the latest in the help kids cultivate stern is working on land they’ve tended physical health;
world of mindfulness. social intelligence, this year’s festival, for generations. meaning and
happiness, agency, which will happen The Detroit Black purpose; character
and purpose. May 1. “My goal is Farmer Land Fund and virtue; close

PHOTOGRAPH ALFA27 TK / ADOBESTOCK, LUCAS GEORGE WENDT / UNSPLASH

KINDNESS RX children leave the Backed by a to shift kindness aims to fix that. social relation-
doctor’s office Parenting Initiative from a moment The coalition ships; and material
At Senders Pedi- with colorful cards Grant in 2020 from into a movement of three Detroit and political
atrics in Cleveland, detailing ways to the Greater Good and from an urban farming stability. This data
Ohio, knowing practice kindness. Science Center, action into a organizations will be available
how to be kind is Helmed by their Senders launched habit,” she says. aims to address for anyone to use,
considered part parent coach and the Family Kind- the disparity in which Dave Mellor,
of a child’s overall educator Joan ness Festival GROW THE land ownership Director of Policy
well-being. Often, Morgenstern, the where kids display FUTURE that has plagued at the Center for
Black farmers for Open Science (a
The relationship generations. project partner),
between African “It definitely says will “increase
Americans and feels autonomous. the equity with
the land has been Feeling like you which discover-
and continues to can secure and ies, findings, and
be tumultuous, protect the things data will become
with many hav- that you’ve been available, and
ing no sense (or working hard to help accelerate

8 mindful April 2022

 top of mind

the process of English and various York Times. Now,

ACTS OF
discovery.” African languages through his non-
with the hope that profit, North Amer-
WRITING young people will ican Traditional
HISTORY have resources to Indigenous Food

We may live in The

Information Age,
but for Adama San-
learn about their
culture, from those
who know it best.
Systems, Sher-
man—who calls
himself the Sioux
Chef—is hoping to
kindness
neh, there was one FOOD FOR identify, share, and by AVA WHITNEY-COULTER
thing he couldn’t THOUGHT educate people
get information on. on the authentic
“Wikipedia suffers As a member of Indigenous foods
from a paucity of the Oglala Lakota of North America, men who had fallen
information about Oyate, part of the using ingredients into the pool at the
Africa. There’s Great Sioux Nation, like wild manzanita bottom of a water-
more information Sean Sherman berries and acorns. fall and couldn’t
about the country took part in many “My team and pull themselves to
of France than the celebrations that I are working safety. With no cell
entire continent included contem- toward the day reception to call for
of Africa,” Sanneh porary and tradi- we will be able to PAWS THAT help, the group of
told the website tional dishes. “My drive across this REFRESH Sikh friends impro-
Reasons to be ancestors used all continent in any When Lori Irby vised, tying their
Cheerful. Sanneh, parts of the animals direction, stop- brought her foster turbans together to
through his Mole- and plants with ping at Indig- kittens into work make a rope, and
skine Foundation, respect, viewing enous restaurants at The Meridian, pulled the men up
is hoping to fill themselves as part and experiencing a senior living to the trail.
this gap with the of our environment, all the richness community in
WikiAfrica Educa- not above it. Noth- of the varied California, her
tion Initiative by ing was wasted,” original American office became a
creating content Sherman wrote in cultures,” Sher- popular place with
for Wikipedia in an essay in the New man wrote. residents. The joy
the kittens brought
inspired a weekly
kitten therapy
event that improves DAD IT UP
PHOTOGRAPH BY EQROY / ADOBESTOCK, ILLUSTRATIONS BY SPENCER CREELMAN

mental health and A Louisiana high

reduces loneliness school with a
Pawpaw fruit and trees for residents while fighting problem
have been used as food, helping to socialize toned down when
medicine, fiber, and the kittens. a group of 40 dads
fuel by First Nations formed Dads on
people on the Duty and began
East Coast. taking shifts at
their children’s
school. They hang
out in the hallways
and greet kids as
they head to class,
giving “the look”
A WILD TIME to troublemak-
Five friends were ers and setting a
hiking in British lighthearted tone
Columbia when with—what else—
they found two punny dad jokes.

April 2022 mindful 9

 top of mind

Research News
by B. GRACE BULLOCK

Research gathered from Providence College,

Master the Art of Arizona State University, and others.

Teaching Mindfulness

In-Person Mindfulness mental health Both mindful-

disability-related ness groups were
Teacher Training quality of life then divided into
compared to smaller training
Mark Coleman + Martin Aylward those in the subgroups.
relaxation group. Participants in
SF BAY AREA, CALIFORNIA Women expe- the 3-month group
September 2022 - July 2023 SUPPORT FOR rienced greater received 13 weeks
PEOPLE WITH overall health- of exercises focus-
Train to teach the practice you love, deepen AUTISM related quality of ing on compassion,
your meditation skill, and support others to Mindfulness may life improvements loving-kindness,
discover meditation and mindfulness. Learn be a useful tool than men regard- and gratitude.
to lead mindfulness courses with confidence for dealing with less of which Those in the
stress associ- intervention they 9-month group
and clarity, studying with world-renowned
ated with autism. received. attended 3 con-
teachers Mark Coleman and Martin Aylward. Researchers at secutive sessions
Mark and Martin have taught meditation Arizona State Uni- of 13 weeks each,
versity randomly EASING divided into 3
worldwide for over 20 years. Through their
assigned 56 TEEN ANGST content areas:
Mindfulness Training Institute, they have adults with autism Scientists from attention and
created profound yet intimate mindfulness spectrum disorder Germany and body awareness;
teacher trainings in Europe and America, to either a Mindful- the UK recently perspective-
training over 300 teachers who teach in ness-Based Stress found that 3 to 6 taking and
Reduction (MBSR) months of daily paying attention
25 countries.
intervention, or mindfulness- to thoughts; and
Our training is both transformative and relaxation train- based train- compassion,
supportive as you join a select group of ing. Although ing may buffer gratitude, and
members of both against long-term loving-kindness.
committed practitioners personally taught by
groups reported physiological and Participants in
two teachers deeply respected in their field. enhanced mental psychological both mindful-
health-related stress. They ran- ness groups were
Free Webinar Visit our website to sign up quality of life at domly assigned asked to engage
for a free webinar with Mark and Martin the end of their 277 healthy adults in 30 minutes of
programs, those with no medita- mental practice 6
in the MBSR tion experience days per week for
group showed to either a 3- or a the duration of
greater improve- 9-month mind- their program.
ments in both fulness group, or Cortisol and
physical and a control group. cortisone levels,

mindfulnesstraininginsitute.com
International Mindfulness Teachers Association Accredited 10 mindful April 2022
 top of mind

biological mark- stabilize regard- or adopted fake

ers of long-term less of practice feelings at work
stress, were col- type, even for (called “sur-
lected at baseline healthy individu- face acting”),
and 4-month als. Changes in and how much
intervals from perceived stress they felt their
all groups, using were unrelated to self-control was
depleted. Find-
ings showed
Consistent mindfulness- that workers with
based practice may reduce greater mindful-
ness were less
physiological stress over likely to engage
in surface acting.
6 months, then stabilize However, those
regardless of practice type. who did surface
act reported
more depleted
self-control.
In the second
hair samples. Per- changes in stress study, employees
ceived stress lev- biomarkers, and their super-
els were assessed however. That visors responded
using a standard is, perceptions of to the same
survey at similar stress may persist survey questions
time points. despite physi- at three differ-
Participants in ological changes. ent time points
both mindfulness spaced six weeks
groups showed a apart. As in the
steady decrease— first study, mind-
averaging 25%—in ful employees
the concentration reported less
of stress biomark- surface acting,
ers during the first but felt more
3 and 6 months of depleted when
practice, regard- KEEPING IT they did hide
less of training REAL AT WORK their feelings.
length or type. The benefits of Overall, these
Stress hormone mindfulness at studies sug-
levels in the work may be gest that mind-
control group mixed, accord- ful employees
remained rela- ing to two new who are aware
ILLUSTRATIONS BY SPENCER CREELMAN

tively stable over studies from of the discon-

a 9-month period. Providence Col- nect between
This suggests that lege. In the first, their feelings
consistent mind- employees were and actions
fulness-based asked about their are more likely
practice may levels of trait to suffer from
reduce physiolog- mindfulness, exhaustion and
ical stress over whether they hid diminished work
6 months, then their emotions performance.

April 2022 mindful 11

BEGINNER’S MIND Q&A

IN OUR NATURE
I want to take my
Q mindfulness prac-
tice outside, but
I live in an urban area and
I’m kind of a wimp about
bad weather—so I just end
up staying inside, and I
feel like I’m missing out.
I’ve witnessed in
A myself and oth-
ers how contact
Even in cities we cannot
ignore how nature is always
teaching us about intercon-
nection, selflessness, and
impermanence. We are never
far from the changing sea-
sons, the waxing and waning
of the moon, or starry nights
reminding us of a vast uni-
verse. Our houses are made
from forests; our clothing is
made from wool; and even
this magazine was once a tree
spring grass. Nature reminds
us that this moment is always
precious, alive, and abundant.
It invites us to wake up, to be
here for this fleeting, magnifi-
cent display, to appreciate,
love, and protect, and then to
let go as blossoms fade and
grasses wither, and trust in
the vast cycles of life that are
constantly revealing them-
selves—whatever the weather.

with the natural world brings
a sense of peace, greater
perspective, profound joy
and wonder, and a deeper
connection with life in all its
forms. Still, being in nature is
not necessarily a bed of roses.
Being outdoors in less than
comfortable conditions asks
us to dig a little deeper into
our resources and our equa-
nimity, and to cut through the
delusions of the mind with
compassion and humor.
with roots deep in the earth.
Each day, you can practice
bringing awareness to one of
the five senses as a portal into
the present. Consciously take
time to look at the life-giving
buds and blossoms emerging
on the trees in spring. Listen
to the birdsong of hardy, win-
tering birds in the morning.
Smell the freshness of the air Mark Coleman is the author of
Make Peace with Your Mind and
after rains moisten the earth.
Awake in the Wild. He is the founder
Sense the softness beneath of the Mindfulness Institute and has
your bare feet as you walk on an MA in Clinical Psychology.

ILLUSTRATION BY HURCA! / ADOBESTOCK

12 mindful April 2022


PEOPLE TO WATCH • DR. REENA KOTECHA
Healthcare Starts
With Self-Care
by OYINDA LAGUNJU When Dr. Reena Kotecha
found herself having a
panic attack in the cereal
aisle of a supermarket,
she knew something was
wrong. As a doctor, she
was used to diagnosing
and treating others, but
when it came to herself,
she found that she had “a
“
personal blind spot.”
“As a healthcare profes-
sional you hold this iden-
tity of: I am the caregiver,
This is what drives not the care-taker. I’m
meant to be the ‘strong
me—supporting one’—the one who’s got it
all figured out,” she says.
healthcare By chance, she met a
woman who became her
professionals. meditation teacher, and
from there everything
began to shift. “When I
first sat down with her, I
just cried for the first 20
minutes,” she recounts.
“And while most people
would ask, ‘what’s wrong
with you?’ she just said,
‘Shall we take a few
breaths?’ And, you know,
PHOTOGRAPH BY PIXELROBOT / ADOBESTOCK
in those moments, I felt a
little lighter.”
In medical school, Dr.
Kotecha learned about the
human body, but she wasn’t
taught an important lesson:
how to listen to it.
top of mind
“I was trained in anatomy
and physiology and phar-
macology and looking after
others. But no one ever
trained me, or suggested
that it would be important,
to look after myself in the
process,” Dr. Kotecha says.
So, with the belief that
“health care starts with self-
care,” Dr. Kotecha started
Mindful Medics, a train-
ing program that promotes
health and well-being, and
professional productivity
and engagement through
mindfulness, compassion,
emotional intelligence,
medicine, and neuroscience.
“I know what it’s like to
feel so lonely and so isolated
and so dejected—caring for
others while feeling like you
are running out of capac-
ity—which has been exacer-
bated by the pandemic,” Dr.
Kotecha says. “The support
that healthcare profes-
sionals need is not just
physical PPE, but mental
and emotional support as
well. Mindful Medics helps
provide skillful space for
healthcare professionals to
share and reflect on what
they’ve seen throughout
the day and have someone
just listen or guide them
through a practice to find
some calm. This is what
drives me—supporting
healthcare professionals so
that they’re able to not just
do their best work, but show
up with optimal mental and
emotional health.”
April 2022 mindful 13
top of mind

THERE’S
AN APP
FOR THAT
A few apps that are using mindfulness
to offer mental health support.

Stress Relief
Based on cognitive behav-
ioral therapy (CBT) and
mindfulness meditation,
Sanvello offers personal-
ized strategies to help you
find relief from anxiety,
stress, and depression.
You can track your mood and
choose exercises tailored to
your result—including medi-
tations, videos, articles, and
prompts. Users can also con-
nect with a coach or therapist
via message, and with other
users through discussion
boards and chat groups.
The Anxiety Habit
Unwinding Anxiety offers
short practices and les-
sons based on mindful-
ness training to help you
“change the ‘habit loop’
that leads to anxiety.” Over
the course of the program
designed by neuroscientist
PHOTOGRAPH BY HANNA MORRIS / UNSPLASH
Judson Brewer, you’ll map
out behaviors of fear and
anxiety and work to replace
habitual patterns of worry. As
you go through the modules,
you can journal within the app
to track your anxiety triggers
and progress, and join weekly
live calls with Brewer and
other experts.
top of mind
SPRING + SUMMER 2022
MINDFULNESS RETREATS
for teens + young adults
Come connect with others,
express yourself, and learn tools
to compassionately navigate
through life’s challenges.
ibme.com/mindful
That Was Easy Retreat locations across the United States.
No teen ever turned away for lack of funds.
When you’re having a panic Visit our website for more details.
attack, Rootd offers a literal
“big red button” to press
when you need help facing
anxiety or finding comfort.
When you press the button,
the app offers prompts to help
return you to a sense of calm.
These are audio reminders
about what a panic attack is,
how long one may last, and
how capable your body is of
handling what you’re feel-
ing. You can also follow the
short- and long-term lessons
on anxiety at your own pace—
which include deep breath-
ing instruction, mindfulness
meditation, and other mindful
tools like journaling.
@ibmeretreats
April 2022 mindful 15
 top of mind
All pups deserve
a fetch-worthy stick.
When good sticks were
lacking at his local park, a dad
in Kaiapoi, New Zealand, started
a “stick library,” a homemade box
filled with quality sticks for the
“borrowing”—an idea since
taken up by other parks
around the world.
In 1957, the
tidal Thames (a
95-mile-long
estuary, part of the UK river)
was declared biologically
dead: so polluted that it
could not support life. Now,
conservation efforts have
allowed species of seals, birds,
and even sharks to thrive
again as the habitat recovers.
MINDFUL
16 mindful April 2022
MINDFUL OR MINDLESS?
Our take on who’s paying attention and who’s not
by AMBER TUCKER
“People are more
than their jobs”
is the basis for
Ontario’s new
Working for Workers Act. The
Act encourages policies to
help employees disconnect
from their jobs outside work
hours, and addresses other
barriers to career success
and well-being that workers
may face.
A hiker in Colorado
got lost and spent all
night searching for the trail,
only realizing later that a Search
and Rescue team was searching for
them. The hiker ignored repeated
calls and texts from SAR… because
they didn’t recognize the num-
ber. Sometimes, help is just a
“spam call” away.
ER
CALL
OWN
UNKN
INED
DECL
CALL
A Danish museum Farewell to a wayward
loaned artist Jens wizard? Christchurch,
Haaning 534,000 New Zealand, recently
kroner ($84,000 removed one from payroll.
USD) in cash, expecting him Ian Brackenbury Channell
to affix it to a canvas—a new held the title of Wizard of New
artwork he would have to Zealand for 31 years. His job?
spend his own money to cre- To “provide acts of wizardry
ILLUSTRATIONS BY SPENCER CREELMAN
ate. To point out the hypocrisy, and other wizard-like services”
Haaning instead delivered two as tourism promotion. He’d
blank canvases, titled “Take also made not-so-charming
the Money and Run.” comments about women. ●
MINDLESS
 Being a
COMPASSIONATE
COMPANION
Caring for Others with Empathy, Patience, and Joy

NEW COURSE! WITH FRANK OSTASESKI

Caring for people with serious or life-threatening illness

can be an intense, intimate, and deeply alive experience. In
this special course, meditation teacher Frank Ostaseski
and the Metta Institute faculty lead us through
teachings that will help us care for others with greater
empathy, patience, and joy using three key elements:
self-awareness, compassion, and skillful action.

SIGN UP AT
mindful.org/companion
mindful living

GETTING
Curious
We don’t always think about curiosity as a part of
mindfulness, but this powerful quality is what allows our
everyday experiences—even the ones we really don’t want
to be having—to get some breathing room, and maybe
even to shift in unexpected ways.

By Stephanie Domet

PHOTOGRAPH BY DENIS GAZIK / UNSPLASH

18 mindful April 2022


One night last fall I was lying on the
couch, scrolling through my social
media feeds on my phone, when
suddenly the room started spinning.
As the old-fashioned rosette on my
living room ceiling swirled around and
around, I struggled to find equilib-
rium. Unable to situate myself with
stability, I eventually called for my
spouse, who brought me a bowl, into
which I promptly threw up.
This sudden dizziness and
nausea—food poisoning, I thought—
arrived in the midst of a prolonged
period of physical dismay. Months
earlier, I’d become suddenly intimate
with infirmity thanks to a stubborn
and seemingly irresolvable pain in
my knee. A sprain, my physiothera-
pist thought. One I got by sitting at
my desk for too long and with not
enough attention to my body, over the
course of too many pandemic days
made sedentary by circumstances
and dread. And now, to add to the
physical pain, reduced mobility, and
difficult emotions that arose in me
along with the sprained knee, came
destabilizing dizziness that just
wouldn’t quit. I’d begun exploring
the idea of bringing curiosity to my
experience of being unwell, to help
navigate it all, but as I struggled
through the days, off-balance and
gritting my teeth at the pain in my
knee, the only question on my mind
was: Why me?
I’ve been curious as a professional
orientation for decades. As a writer,
editor, and journalist, curiosity is a
skill I’ve trained myself in, and one I
hone regularly. But in my work, too,
my curiosity often gets snagged on
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Stephanie Domet is the managing editor of
Mindful. She is a writer and editor who lives
in Halifax and is forever trying to keep her
narratives where they belong: on the page.
As I struggled
through the days,
off-balance and gritting my
teeth at the pain in my knee,
the only question on my
mind was: Why me?
why—and from there, my imagination
builds a story around character moti-
vation, cause and effect, incidents and
outcomes. It’s a short stroll from why
to a full-blown narrative explanation,
in my writing. But why hasn’t proven
to be particularly helpful in mindful-
ness training. Instead, a more genera-
tive place to start is what.
What About
the What?
Kimberly Brown is a meditation teach-
er in New York City. And, full disclo-
sure, she is my meditation teacher. She
reminds me that curiosity is part of the
deal when it comes to mindfulness.
“Curiosity is a willingness to experi-
ence without looking away, ignoring,
or denying,” she says. “Curiosity is
using our attention to have an experi-
ence as it is directly.”
Asking why can be useful, Brown
says, but it can also lead to narratives
and stories about our experience,
and that can prevent us from actually
having a direct experience, and seeing
it for what it is, which is a necessary
first step for working with what
arises. “When you can see what’s
happening for real, then you can
mindful living
take compassionate and wise action
to address it in the best way,” she
says. “And if you don’t want to see it
clearly, if you are unwilling to see the
what, then you might employ unskill-
ful ways of trying to meet whatever
difficulty is arising.”
I think of the ways a certain kind
of curiosity has driven me, from early
days of Why is the sky blue? to teen
angst years wondering, Why doesn’t
that person like me?! to my overarch-
ing quest, as a writer and person, to
answer my enduring question: Why
am I like this?
Mindful curiosity, though, invites
me to shift some attention away from
the “I” so as to explore the “this” in
that last question.
“Curiosity asks us to challenge a
lot of stories we might have,” says
Brown. “Curiosity is being able to
look at my story to see that it’s true,
but it may not be exactly real. Events
happened. There’s a truth to my
experience. And yet the reality is that
there are many ways to tell a story
generally and there are many views
to this story.”
Brown says curiosity helps us see
those stories in the first place—and that
approaching my stories with mindful-
ness means I don’t have to jump in to
fix anything. “You don’t have to figure →
April 2022 mindful 19
 mindful living
“Curiosity is a
willingness to
it out. You can allow yourself to be here
experience without with interest in what you’re seeing and
what’s arising in you.”
looking away,
ignoring, or denying. The Gift of
It’s using our attention Getting Curious
to have an experience
And seeing what’s arising can allow
as it is directly.” us the space to choose what happens
next. Imagine, Brown says, a parent
KIMBERLY BROWN, whose child is crying. That parent
might be feeling frustration or guilt,
MEDITATION TEACHER
and may act out of that—offering treats,
say—to get their kid to settle down.
Mindfulness practice makes space for
curiosity. A parent can recognize when
they’re about to act out of a moment
of reactivity, and choose something
different instead. “If you have an inten-
tion to not harm and to be of benefit,
you can use curiosity to allow what-
ever action is most beneficial to arise,”
Brown explains. “Without curiosity,
you may allow a non-skillful action to
arise because you’re not seeing what
it’s coming out of.”
At the same time, though, our curi-
osity has to include a certain softness.
We can bring a lightness, and what
Brown calls a “joyful enthusiasm,”
to our inquiries. And because there’s
nothing to solve, we don’t have to
be punitive with our curiosity. If we
get overwhelmed, we can back off,
or return to our practice when we
feel more supported. “You can’t take
wisdom out of compassion or love out
of joy. Curiosity is a certain way of
looking with an interest, with enthu-
siasm, and at the same time, it can’t
be just done by itself. It’s done with
compassion. It’s done with wisdom.
It’s done with patience.”
These insights clicked into place for
me during a recent medical appoint-
ment, after my dizziness turned out
to be due to benign positional vertigo.
When the physiotherapist who helped
ease the vertigo noticed me limping,
he asked what was going on with my
knee. “It’s sprained,” I told him.
20 mindful April 2022
“Right,” he said. “But why are
you limping?”
I wrinkled my brow in frustration.
“Because it’s sprained! It hurts!”
He nodded. “Right. But why are
you limping?”
“I…don’t know,” I said at last.
“Why am I limping?” I walked a few
paces and paid close attention to my
knee: What did it feel like to limp?
What happened if I didn’t lock up
my whole leg, and instead walked
without overly favoring the sprained
side? My experiments revealed that
returning to something closer to my
natural gait hurt less, and allowed
me to walk further without tiring. I’d
become committed to a story about
myself—my knee is sprained, I limp
now—and had stopped checking it
against reality. In doing so, I’d been
prolonging my own physical pain—
and mental anguish, too.
I still live with pain in my knee,
and if I lie down too quickly I feel
a brief flash of vertigo. But when I
move past the knee-jerk of Why me?
a space opens where I can meet my
experience with clear eyes and a
more generative and compassionate
line of questioning: How am I, right
now? How is my experience chang-
ing? What is this moment asking of
me? What would be wise and com-
passionate action? Then, I can adjust
my favored brisk walking pace to
something more allowing of limita-
tion. I can even relate to “limitation”
through a lens of “Right now, it’s like
this,” which allows me to see that it
won’t always be this way. Dizziness
ebbs and recedes. Knee pain throbs
and resolves. I can make space to
truly care for myself when I employ
PHOTOGRAPH BY JAVARDH / UNSPLASH
curiosity, instead of brutally toughing
it out. Why me becomes Why not me,
and lets me extend kindness to myself
as I would to an injured friend. I
don’t have to get stuck in my stories
about what’s happening. Instead,
with the help of compassionate
curiosity, I can get beyond those, to
what’s really happening. ●
 practice
CULTIVATE
CURIOSITY
By Kimberly Brown
Our curiosity practice can start with the simplest
tools we have at hand—our breath, our body,
and our awareness. And we can deepen into it
with loving-kindness.
Find an easy seat and make
a commitment for these next
few minutes to just be here,
not moving around, not decid-
ing you’re going to check an
email, not talking to anyone.
Take time right now to take a
special moment for yourself.
Start to notice what’s
happening in your body by
paying attention to sensation.
The light entering through
your eyelids. Taste, smell, the
weight of your body in your
seat. The feeling of your cloth-
ing on your skin. Allow sounds
to enter your ears. You don’t
have to change anything or fix
anything. You’re just allowing,
letting everything be. Notice,
welcome, and appreciate your
intention to cultivate curiosity.
This is an expression of your
natural wisdom arising.
Bring yourself to this
moment, with a sense of
wonder and allowing. Relax
your shoulder blades, the back
of your head, your forehead,
your cheeks, your jaw. Experi-
ence what it’s like to be you in
this very moment. Notice that
you’re breathing—the rise and
fall of your belly, your chest,
your shoulder blades, cool air
and warm air as you inhale
and exhale on the tip of your
nose. You might feel bored.
You might feel a desire to
move or get up. You could feel
like you don’t like these annoy-
ing thoughts that are buzzing
around your head. And right
now you don’t have to do any-
thing about that. Your curiosity
is making space simply for you
to have this experience.
Make a connection with a
dear friend, someone with
whom you have an easy, loving
relationship. Imagine they’re
with you right now, and offer
them this beautiful intention:
may you welcome what arises
in you. Repeat this phrase for
a minute, as though you’re
giving a gift to this dear friend.
Now make a connection with
yourself and offer yourself
the same intention: May I
welcome what’s arising in me.
And now take a moment to
recognize all beings every-
where. All of us struggling,
wanting things to be different,
judging, critical. May we wel-
come what’s arising in us.
Recognize that spending
time developing your heart
and your mind benefits you
and all you encounter. So
take a moment to appreciate
that and thank yourself. Then
you can stretch or move how-
ever you like as you conclude
your practice.
April 2022 mindful 21
inner wisdom

Agree to What do you do when people

have the shocking audacity to
think differently than you do?

DISAGREE Do you choose to stay open and

curious? Do you become rigid
and defensive? Here’s how to find
common ground, even when you
are certain that they are wrong

By Elaine Smookler and you’re so very, very right.

22 mindful April 2022


Gender identity. The environment.
Politics, guns, and gluten.
These breezy topics are great for
family dinners, watercooler chit chat,
and neighborly how-dee-doos. Yes,
they’re perfect conversation starters if
you want to discover how differently
other people see the world. And not
just those other guys down the road
there, but also your near and dear
ones. You know, people you love, cher-
ish, admire—the ones you thought for
sure were seeing things your way.
For instance, few things have
brought us into greater unexpected
conflict with those we love than the
question of vaccination status. We
live in a time that privileges individ-
ual freedom of thought, action, and
choice. Great! Until Aunt Jiji and Un-
cle JoJo tell you, just as you are biting
down on a buttery piece of bbq they’ve
handed you, that they’ve made differ-
ent choices than you have about being
vaccinated. At that moment, as many
thoughts and feelings arise, what are
you to do?
Each of us believes the way we see
the world is the way the Big Bopper
intended. When we uncover some-
one’s belief that we should all wear
clown costumes to work or only eat
zucchini muffins we may wonder,
what’s going on? When someone
operates differently than we think
they should, we may feel alienated. If
it is someone close to us, who we were
sure we knew, it may feel like an In-
vasion of the Body Snatchers moment.
When we pause, we can be reminded
of the reality that we all have our own
views and opinions on how to best live
PHOTOGRAPHS BY TAMANNA RUMEE / UNSPLASH
our lives, and how other people should
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Elaine Smookler is a registered
psychotherapist with a 20-year
mindfulness practice. She is
also a creativity coach and is
on the faculty of the Centre for
Mindfulness Studies in Toronto.
inner wisdom
live theirs—and we can find space to
see that we have a choice about how
to navigate inevitable conflicts of view,
so that we might still all find a way to
respect even what we cannot abide.
The Art of War suggests that if you
are really interested in working with
conflict, you have to allow yourself
to tolerate a range of unfamiliar or
uncomfortable sensations, from music
you don’t like, at a volume that’s lower
or higher than you think it should be,
to opinions you think are dead wrong.
Allowing for unfamiliar feelings
doesn’t mean caving in to another’s
view. It means noticing that your back
has gone up, and still deciding to stick
around a while and see what’s what.
Reducing the confusion and harm
that can come from conflict makes
life easier and more enjoyable. You
diminish conflict when you can find
OPEN
anything at all to align with: “You care
about kids—me too!” “You care about
freedom of choice—so do I!”
UP
Maybe you both like monster truck
rallies, scrapbooking, or a night at the
opera. Finding common ground can
take you beyond suspicion and hostili-
ty and increase emotional engagement. This practice can help you
If it rankles you to contemplate stay open to things that
giving space to someone you have challenge you.
deemed a kook or a radical, be coura-
geous and ask yourself what evidence
you are using to shun or disrespect
this other person. Nature points to the
value of biodiversity to keep things O Open to what-
ever shows up,
thriving. By allowing the biodiversity including different
of what you are opposed to to have a opinions.
voice, you can offer space for what you
might not agree with and still advance
the greater good. P Pause to hear
and feel.
When we feel fired up, passionate,
and right, it can be hard to understand
why we would hold space for contrary E Engage aware-
ness by being
views. That’s when you need to ask curious about any
yourself what matters most. If it mat- of your body sen-
ters to you to live in a less hostile and sations, emotions,
divisive environment, you have to be and thoughts.
open to what you might not under-
N
stand and never agree with. You can Notice the bene-
always be kind and friendly even when fits of exploring a
you’d rather not. ● wider view.
April 2022 mindful 23
mental health

The Work It Takes

TO FORGIVE by Christiane Wolf

Rage and bitterness toward those we see as causing our pain

can tear us apart. It takes time, writes Christiane Wolf, but
the brave and gentle practice of forgiveness can help you
turn toward the future instead of resenting the past.

PHOTOGRAPH BY TIERO / ADOBESTOCK

24 mindful April 2022


For a year, Sabrina
received the wrong diag-
nosis and treatment for
her chronic progressive
illness, which left her with
permanent damage to her
body and ongoing pain. She
used to be extremely angry
about it and thought a lot
about revenge.
At some point, that
changed.
Sabrina said, “I real-
ized that the revenge I was
holding on to wouldn’t give
me back my health, but
that I kept torturing myself
with it and it kept me up
at night. The pain was bad
enough in itself. I didn’t
want to keep carrying this
hatred in my heart around
with me anymore.”
Forgiveness is a practice
of freeing your own heart
from the prison of pain and
resentment. Forgiveness
doesn’t mean you have to
condone what happened
or agree with it. You don’t
even have to like it—not at
all. It’s a realization that
holding on to what hap-
pened is in itself painful.
Give Up Hope for
a Better Past
Meditation teacher Jack
Kornfield likes to say,
“Forgiveness is giving up
all hope for a better past.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christiane Wolf is a physician turned mindfulness
and compassion teacher and teacher trainer. She
leads meditation classes and retreats worldwide.
She is the co-author of A Clinician’s Guide to
Teaching Mindfulness and author of Outsmart Your
Pain: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion to Help You
Leave Chronic Pain Behind.
Angrily holding on to what
happened is painful and can
easily turn into bitterness.
That’s not a place where we
want to live our life.
We practice forgiveness
with the understanding
that we have all betrayed
or harmed someone—out
of our pain, fear, anger,
or confusion—whether
we know it or not, just as
we have been betrayed
and harmed by others.
For example, we make a
wrong assumption about
why somebody did or said
something and then we
lash out. Or in a moment
of acting or speaking we
don’t think about what our
actions might mean to the
other person. Not to be glib
about it, but it’s simply part
of the human condition.
Nobody is spared.
Do you feel that you’re
holding anger or resent-
ment against somebody,
related to your pain? It
might be the person who
caused your accident; it
might be the surgeon who
did the first operation on
your back—or the second
or third; it might be your
sister-in-law, who always
treats you like you’re just
pretending you’re in pain
so that you can sit and rest
while everybody else is
helping around the house.
Maybe—and this is usu-
ally the hardest part—you
feel like you can’t forgive
yourself for something,
like seeking medical help
so late, or trusting in your
doctor’s/mother’s/friend’s
advice, or smoking, or eat-
ing too much of one thing
or too little of another.
mental health
Whatever the cause
or the content, not being
able to forgive hurts. Sure,
anger can feel good at
times. In the beginning, it
can give us energy to speak
up or to make a change, but
then what? What does it
feel like to be caught up in
anger that is way past its
best-by date?
We can use our mind-
fulness practice to turn
toward these feelings and
notice: What does it feel
like to keep holding on?
What emotions come up
in that moment? Does this
influence your pain levels
in any way? Jack Kornfield
asks us to “sense the suf-
fering that comes with the
inability to forgive.”
Freeing Ourselves
From Resentment
Forgiveness takes time. It
doesn’t happen overnight.
We cannot simply decide
to forgive and think that
will take care of it. For
most of us, forgiveness is
a slow process that takes
m
place gradually, often over
years. So please be patient AUDIO
with yourself! The first Starting to
step is to realize that to Forgive
forgive might be a good
idea—at least theoreti- Christiane Wolf
cally—even if it feels like guides a prac-
you could never do it. tice to foster
Forgiveness is tradi- forgiveness.
tionally taught in three
iterations: mindful.org/
1. We ask for forgiveness start-to-
from the people we have forgive
harmed or hurt.
2. We practice forgive-
ness for the people who
have harmed or hurt us. →
April 2022 mindful 25
mental health

3. We practice forgive-
ness for ourselves for
having harmed or hurt
ourselves.
Start by setting the
intention to learn to
forgive. You can practice
the following medita-
tion regularly or use the
steps or words as needed
throughout the day. Some
people use prayer, some use
journaling, and some talk
to friends or a therapist to
help them gain more clarity
about where and how they
are stuck. No matter what
your approach is, sustained
intention over time, put
into practice in small steps,
will result in change. ●

Excerpt from Outsmart
Your Pain: Mindfulness and
PHOTOGRAPH BY PESHKOVA / ADOBESTOCK

Self-Compassion to Help
You Leave Chronic Pain
Behind by Christiane Wolf
and Daniel J. Siegel © 2021
by Christiane Wolf, MD,
PhD. Reprinted by permis-
sion of the publisher, The
Experiment, LLC. Available
everywhere books are sold. 
experimentpublishing.com

26 mindful April 2022

 practice
A MEDITATION FOR
Starting to Forgive
BY CHRISTIANE WOLF
Settle into your practice
1 by finding a supportive
posture, closing the eyes
or taking a few long, deep
breaths.
Acknowledge what is
2 present. Remember that
we are not trying to make
ourselves feel anything. We
are simply inclining the mind
and heart toward forgiveness.
Go at your own pace.
Let yourself feel the barri-
3 ers you are holding by not
forgiving others, not forgiving
yourself. Is an intention aris-
ing to learn to forgive?
Begin asking for forgive-
4 ness from those you have
hurt or harmed. You might
say to yourself: “There are
many ways I have harmed or
hurt another, knowingly or
unknowingly, through my own
pain, anger, fear, and confu-
sion.” Pause, and let yourself
remember the many ways.
Let yourself open to the pain,
sorrow, and regret. You might
feel your readiness to finally
let go and to ask for forgive-
ness. Say: “I ask for your for-
giveness. Please forgive me.”
Release by taking a few long
breaths. Pause.
Acknowledge those who
5 have hurt or harmed
you. Say to yourself: “There
are many ways I have been
harmed or hurt by another,
knowingly or unknowingly,
through their pain, anger, fear,
and confusion.” Pause. Let
yourself remember the many
ways. Feel the ways you have
been hurt as well as the pain
of still holding this pain and
resentment. Feel the potential
release of forgiving.
To the extent that you are
6 ready, offer forgiveness:
“I forgive you. I release you.”
Or “I am setting the intention
to forgive you or to learn to
forgive you.” Pause. Take a
few deep breaths to release
this part of the meditation.
Now turn toward the last
7 part, forgiving yourself:
“There are many ways I have
harmed or hurt myself, know-
ingly or unknowingly, through
my pain, anger, fear, and
confusion.” Pause. Feel the
sorrow and regret, the pre-
ciousness of your body and
mind. Remember that you
have grown and changed. You
didn’t know what you know
now, or you knew but couldn’t
quite practice it yet. Feel the
release that might come from
forgiving yourself. Pause.
To the extent that you
8 are ready, offer yourself
forgiveness: “I forgive myself.
I release the pain of not for-
giving myself.”
When you are ready,
9 come back to your breath.
Take your time to end this
meditation.
April 2022 mindful 27
brain science

Refuge and
COMPASSION By Mara Gulens • Illustrations by Edmon de Haro

The refugee crisis is displacing millions of people globally, fueling an epidemic

of traumatic stress. In one refugee community, a pioneering mindfulness and
compassion program shows promise in helping people cultivate moments of peace.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Mara Gulens launched her journalism career
at the Medical Post, but an injury sustained
many years later brought her to mindfulness.
A seasoned writer and editor, her stories
have appeared in publications such as
Advertising Age, Chatelaine, and The Globe
and Mail. Mara lives and works in Toronto.
Dr. Amit Bernstein’s interest in
refugee mental health was piqued
just over a decade ago, when forcibly
displaced people—not only men and
women, but young people and unac-
companied minors—started flowing
into Israel from Eritrea and Sudan.   “extraordinarily, shockingly high rates
“They looked so resilient,” recalls
Bernstein, a professor of clini-
cal psychology with the School of
Psychology, University of Haifa, in
Israel. However, study after study
showed that there was, Bernstein
says, “a real public health crisis of
mental health that we didn’t know
about.” The refugees came from
of traumatic stress experiences”: tor-
ture, imprisonment, starvation, com-
bat. Following the trauma and stress

28 mindful April 2022


of forced migration, the refugees also
struggled with post-displacement
issues, including separation, grief,
isolation, loneliness, fear, conflict, and
no access to education or work. 
A representative sample found that
two-thirds of the population was
struggling with PTSD, depression,
and anxiety. In addition, up to one-
third were struggling with suicidality
(up from the 3-19% for migrants who
aren’t forcibly displaced).
“It’s very shocking. It’s a real
crisis,” says Bernstein. “I had never
seen numbers in any community with
this kind of prevalence or severity of
trauma and mental-health problems.”   work responsibly and well,” says Bern-
The plight faced by refugees glob-
ally has not lessened in the interven-
ing years. By 2050, the Institute for
Economics and Peace reports, climate
change and conflict could raise the
number of refugees to as high as one
billion. A person is forcibly displaced
from their home approximately every
two seconds, according to Oxfam.
Or, as Bernstein puts it, “Every two
seconds, some organization or person
has another forcibly displaced person
to care for.”
Refugees experience inordinately
high rates of traumatic stress, leading
to a wide range of mental-health
issues. “The generational and inter-
generational implications are not just
frightening and destructive for the
forcibly displaced communities, but
also the host nations,” says Bernstein.
These intersecting crises led
Bernstein’s team at Observing Minds
Lab, founded by Bernstein, to explore
mindfulness as a possible way to help
promote trauma recovery and buf-
fer the effects of post-displacement
stress. “We came to understand how
potentially transformative mindfulness
was, which is something we couldn’t
have predicted,” says Bernstein.
A Right to Recovery
Treating refugee mental health is
a complicated endeavor—the many
“We wanted to see if we could use this intervention
to help asylum seekers have moments of refuge
in their own bodies and minds.”
DR. AMIT BERNSTEIN, PROFESSOR OF
PSYCHOLOGY, UNIVERSITY OF HAIFA
geographic, linguistic, and sociocul-
tural factors at play present daunting
logistical challenges.  “Nothing that
I’ve done in the past 20 years com-
pares to the complexity of doing this
stein. A growing body of evidence
(from Israel as well as other countries
around the world) led his team to the
idea that mindfulness and compassion
training, if tailored to the needs of
forcibly displaced people, might be
an important, new focus for scientific
study and intervention development.
“If you had asked when we started,
‘Hey, do you think mindfulness is a
good idea here?’ we probably would
have laughed,” says Bernstein. “We
would have thought, ‘That’s crazy.’”
But more and more research
documented the psychological and
biological stress-buffering effects of
mindfulness training. In addition,
mindfulness training can be deliv-
ered in groups, is low cost, and could
theoretically be delivered in diverse
settings. This kind of therapy could be
scalable even in complex contexts.
“Studies show that mindfulness tar-
gets processes that transcend language
and culture,” says Bernstein. “That’s
a very powerful capacity for this pur-
pose.” Could mindfulness bridge the
gap between refugees worldwide, who,
as he says, come from extraordinarily
diverse social, cultural, linguistic, and
geographical backgrounds?
“Mental health and the right to
recovery following forced displace-
ment is a human right,” said Bernstein
in a keynote at the 4th International
Conference on Mindfulness in July
2021. “It’s our ethical obligation to
brain science
bring the most rigorous and compas-
sionate science available to try to care
for forcibly displaced persons in need.”
Allowing Moments
of Refuge
Bernstein’s team at Observing Minds
Lab developed Mindfulness-Based
Trauma Recovery for Refugees
(MBTR-R), a socioculturally adapted,
trauma-sensitive, mindfulness- and
compassion-based intervention for
diverse, forcibly displaced people.
MBTR-R consists of nine 2.5-hour
group sessions and at-home practice
supported by guided meditations on
YouTube. Psychoeducation focuses
on the effects of stress and trauma,
and loving-kindness practices are
taught to cultivate compassion for
the self and others. The program
includes a host of trauma-sensitive
adaptations to help ensure the safety
of the meditation practices, and ses-
sions are socioculturally adapted and
delivered within and by the commu-
nity—refugees make up 50% of the
team delivering the program, as well
as providing childcare and preparing
meals for participants.
Initially, the team’s aspirations
were relatively modest: “We wanted
to see if we could use this intervention
to help asylum seekers have moments
of refuge in their own bodies and
minds,” says Bernstein. Secretly, the
team hoped that if you give people
space in their consciousness and teach
them different ways to relate to their
stress, memories, and fears, maybe a
process of healing could begin. →
April 2022 mindful 29
brain science
Put to the Test
A randomized controlled trial tested
the efficacy and safety of MBTR-R
among a community sample of 158
Eritrean asylum seekers in Israel with
a severe history of trauma and chronic
post-migration stress. The study was
supported by a Peace Grant from the
US’s Mind & Life Institute.
Quickly, the researchers realized
they’d hit on something valuable. They
found that MBTR-R significantly
reduced rates and symptom severity of
PTSD, depression, and anxiety, imme-
diately after the study’s end and at
follow-up five weeks later. These ther-
apeutic effects were not dependent on
key demographics such as gender, age,
trauma history severity, or post-mi-
gration living difficulties, indicating
that mindfulness was broadly effec-
tive within the pool of participants.
Furthermore, the positive effects
researchers were monitoring didn’t
appear to fade over time.
TThe brief intervention format,
group-based delivery, and few people
leaving the study indicate MBTR-R
might be a feasible, acceptable, and
scalable mental-health intervention
for refugees and asylum seekers.
“The findings were far better than
we had imagined they could be,”
admits Bernstein.
Clinicians around the world are
trying to use mindfulness with forc-
ibly displaced persons. But Bernstein
says he’s not aware of any other
standardized, trauma-sensitive,
sociocultural intervention adapted
or studied through some a random-
ized control design.
Pandemic Pivot
The MBTR-R study was published
in early 2020, and Observing Minds
was eager to kick-start the Moments
of Refuge Project: a global, multisite
study that would help researchers
understand more about the power
of MBTR-R.
30 mindful April 2022
Could it be effective and safe for
multiple other asylum seekers of dif-
ferent origins, language groups, and
contexts? Could MBTR-R impact not
only mental health, but also physical
m
health, for forcibly displaced per-
sons? “We don’t know, and it’s really
important to test,” says Bernstein. 
Then COVID-19 hit.
Bernstein started receiving dozens
PROFILE
of texts and calls from asylum-seeker
Human
communities and NGOs: The pan-
Flourishing
demic had spawned an acute human-
itarian crisis. Despite significant
Read more
health risks, the Observing Minds
about Amit
team surreptitiously carried out a
Bernstein in
study in a Tel Aviv NGO during one
an extended
of Israel’s lockdowns to understand
profile on
whether COVID-19 was exacerbating
mindful.org.
the mental-health crisis.
“The findings were haunting,” says
mindful.org/
Bernstein. All the existing stressors for
read-more
refugees, of insecure residential status,
housing, income, food, and health-
care access, were exacerbated by the
pandemic, increasing their risk of
contracting and transmitting COVID-
19. Asylum seekers were struggling
with elevated depression, anxiety, and
PTSD levels. Suicidality in the com-
munity sample of women, primarily
mothers, was between 50% and 60%. 
 brain science CLINICAL MENTAL
HEALTH COUNSELING
“Studies show that mindfulness
targets processes that transcend
language and culture. That’s a very
powerful capacity for this purpose.” Explore our online
DR. AMIT BERNSTEIN, PROFESSOR OF graduate-level programs.
PSYCHOLOGY, UNIVERSITY OF HAIFA

• Master of Science in
Bernstein’s team pivoted and Clinical Mental Health Counseling
launched Mindfulness-SOS, a shorter,
online version of Moments of Ref-
• Doctor of Education in
uge, available in Arabic, English, and Sport and Performance Psychology,
Tigrinya (the mother tongue of many
Eritreans), focused on mitigating Clinical Mental Health
acute stress and related mental-health Counseling Specialization
symptoms. Mindfulness-SOS offers
eight audio lessons, each with guided
practices teaching skills such as
cultivating inner safety and peace,
working with difficult thoughts and
emotions, and self-compassion. Since
the program was delivered online, it
respected physical distancing policies
while providing rigorous data, and the
number of sessions and practices—
known as doses—was quantifiable.
“We had quite robust results,” says
Bernstein. Initial findings haven’t yet
been published, but show that mind-
fulness and compassion trainings have
protective dose-response effects. In
addition, there was surprisingly high
adherence (the extent to which the
participants’ behavior coincided with
researchers’ instructions) and engage-
ment (extent of participants’ active
involvement and feedback to the
research team), as well as high rates of
completion of mindfulness exercises.
With two programs on the go, Ber-

LEARN MORE
nstein is seeking funding to re-launch
the Moments of Refuge project. “At
this point, we don’t even know if it
will work like it did here in Israel,” uws.edu/mindful-cmhc
says Bernstein. “Maybe it’ll work
better. We don’t know.” Eventually,
he hopes, this ongoing work will pave
the way to “make Moments of Refuge
a new reality” for forcibly displaced
people around the world. ●

April 2022 mindful 31

 post-traumatic growth

It Can Change
in a Moment
By Robert Huber
ILLUSTRATIONS BY SPENCER CREELMAN

The winding path of grief can be complicated

by trauma. For survivors of gun violence,
mindfulness can help people navigate their
pain and support post-traumatic growth,
one breath at a time.

April 2022 mindful 33

post-traumatic growth

On February 14, 2018, Annika and

Mitch Dworet were waiting to
pick up their two sons at their high
school in Parkland, Florida, when
they got a call from Alex, 15: He
told his mother he was in the back
of an ambulance—he had been shot.
Annika took off for the hospital
where Alex was taken, with the imme-
diate hope that since he had been able
to call her, he wasn’t in dire straits; it
turned out that a bullet had grazed his
head. But as a crowd of parents quickly
gathered at Marjory Stoneman Douglas
High School, with word spreading that
a number of students had been killed,
Mitch, still at the high school, repeat-
edly called his older son: Nick wasn’t
answering his cell. Where was he?
The Dworets wouldn’t get the news
until 3 a.m., the last family taken into a
private office by the FBI: Nick, captain
of the swim team, with an athletic
scholarship secured to the University
of Indianapolis, who was so in love
with his girlfriend he had exchanged
homemade hearts with her on this
Valentine’s Day—he was dead. Sixteen
other students had also been murdered
by a 19-year-old former Stoneman stu-
dent in one of the worst mass shootings
ever at a school in the United States.
In the days after Nick’s murder,
the Dworets’ house was full of family,
friends, and neighbors bringing
them food. “Without that, I probably
wouldn’t have gotten out of bed or
taken a shower,” Mitch, 62, says.
Mitch was a longtime restaurant
manager and a realtor; Annika, 52, a
pediatric ER nurse. They had shared
with both sons a passion for sports—
running and biking—and Nick found
a calling in swimming; he dreamed

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Robert Huber is a longtime

journalist who has written for
Esquire, GQ, Philadelphia, and
many other magazines. He is
currently completing a comic novel
about the strange and changing
demands of office culture. Huber
lives near the Delaware Bay in
southern New Jersey.

34 mindful April 2022

 post-traumatic growth

of representing Sweden, his mother’s

native country, in the Olympics one
day. It had been a close, active family,
fractured in a way that was not only
sudden but incomprehensible. And
the trauma of their loss threatened
to swallow them.
The Dworets needed to be alone, too,
though being alone was possibly worse.
The family’s pain sometimes
isolated them from each other. Mitch
remembers, especially right after
Nick’s death, “thinking about some-
thing and I’d just cry. And Annika’s
not in the same place at that moment
or vice versa. And it took us about
three months to realize, wow, we have
our son Alex in the other room who is
in just as much trauma as we are.” Or
more—Alex had been wounded, had
lost his brother, and witnessed terri-
ble violence happening to others.
The family soon got into therapy,
which helped some, but for the better
part of two years they had no real way
of coping, and the level of trauma they
were feeling was a dangerous place
to be. Annika, describing the state of
exhaustion, depression, and anxiety
she was in, cuts to the chase: “To stay
in that would be destructive, and I
had to find something to get out of →

April 2022 mindful 35

 PROFILE

Survivors Empowered was born out of one

VIOLENCE family’s response to tragic loss. After the

shooting death of their daughter, Sandy

HEALERS
and Lonnie Phillips devoted themselves to
mentoring other survivors of gun violence in
carrying on, mindfully.
By Stephanie Domet

Sandy Phillips was having
trouble sleeping. Her daugh-
ter, Jessi, had been one of the
victims of a mass shooting
at a movie theater in Aurora,
Colorado, in July 2012. “I
couldn't wrap my heart or
my brain around what had
happened to Jessi in that the-
ater. In my dreams and really
throughout the day, I would
reenact the shooting, which
was very unhealthy, of course,
and very traumatizing,” she
says. Working with a trauma
therapist helped. “Part of her
trauma therapy with me was
to get me to actually breathe
properly and to be able to
calm my mind and take myself
out of the theater where Jessi
was killed.”
The day after their daugh-
ter’s murder, Sandy and her
husband, Lonnie, dedicated
themselves to helping other
families grieve in the wake
of gun violence. They sold
their house in Texas, bought a
motorhome, and now, almost
10 years after losing Jessi,
they travel wherever they are
needed to mentor survivors of
gun violence.
One of the most potent
tools they have is mindful-
ness. What began for Sandy
in her therapist’s office was
solidified when she met med-
itation teacher and Pandemic
of Love founder Shelly Tygiel-
ski after the school shooting
in Parkland, Florida. “She
said, ‘I love the work you're
doing. Let's bring mindful-
ness to those who are suffer-
ing.’” Together, they planned a
retreat in Massachusetts.
“We brought in 40
survivors from all over the
country,” Sandy says. “Some
were from mass shootings—
Parkland, Tree of Life. Some
were individual shootings
from Chicago and other
places. And to see them go
through that process of being
able to let go through mind-
fulness practices—you could
just see them become lighter
people. I don't think anybody
left there unchanged.”
With Tygielski’s help,
Survivors Empowered
connected with Fadel Zeidan
at the University of Califor-
nia San Diego’s Center for
Mindfulness. Survivors from
across the country learned
Mindfulness-Based Stress
Reduction, via Zoom, as part
of a study. “The hope is to
have these folks become cer-
tified, and be able to go back
to their communities and be
violence interrupters and
violence healers,” says Sandy.
“We really feel this is going
to change how survivors
respond to their grief.”
UCSD is developing a
mindfulness program for
survivors of gun violence, with
100 new participants to start
training in February 2022.
“The fact that they're working
with us to help survivors all
across the country—that's a
legacy that Jessi would be
incredibly proud of. Just to
know that these people will
be going back into their own
communities and offering the
same thing to others, right
there in their cities and their
towns. That's going to change
a lot of people's lives.”
For Sandy and Lonnie,
helping other survivors is
vitally important. “Because
we've seen people who do
not receive trauma therapy or
do not embrace mindfulness
spiral out of control,” Sandy
says. “We know that trauma
can often become rage and
anger. And that's not good
for them. It's not good for
society. So we just push as
hard as we can, as gently as
we can, and we've seen the
difference.” Sandy says peo-
ple she’s known through the
group for years, people whose
grief is a decade or more old,
are able to find some release
through mindfulness. “To see
them able to put together a
healthier life and embrace
mindfulness—it’s a beautiful
thing to witness.”
Sandy believes the good
that arises from mindfulness
training can ripple outward.
“The idea is to change
community by community,
because violence interrup-
tion and violence healing is
really the key to the trauma
that this country is suffering
from gun violence.”
Sandy sleeps easier
now. “I could focus on how
horrible Jessi’s death was
and continues to be,” she
says. “But I choose to focus
on how we've been able to
lessen others’ pain. So it's
a good life. And that's what
we want survivors to under-
stand: As horrible as life is
without your loved one, it can
still be a good life. There'll
always be a hole in your heart
and there'll always be a chair
empty at the table. But it can
be a good life and you can
find joy and peace again.”

36 mindful April 2022


When the pull of the
trauma threatens to take
over, Mitch breathes.
He listens. He stays with
himself. He notices.
that, or I could stay in it forever. And
that would be really bad.”
“You go down the rabbit hole of
grief, and it’s very lonely,” says Mitch,
who had gone into a vortex of his own
scattered thinking after Nick’s murder:
“It’s a feeling of desperation—I’m
desperate to see my son again. I’m
desperate to get back to moments of
happiness that I used to have, but I
can’t get it back because I can’t get
Nick back. And then it goes in different
avenues: Oh my God, what happened
to Nick? The violence—the violence of
what he went through. And I miss him
and I…I won’t be able to ever hear his
voice or see him again, and I won’t be
able to experience a future. And I start
thinking about what would have been,
or what he would look like. He was just
going to be 18.”
Mitch unraveled, again and again,
into a place of deep despair. There
seemed to be no way out.
The Journey
Through Pain
In Chicago, Brenda Mitchell had been
traveling a similar path of unremit-
tent pain for more than a decade.
Brenda, 66, can speak calmly now
about losing her son Kenneth, who
was gunned down outside a bar in
suburban Chicago in 2005. He was
31. “Never in a million years would I
imagine Kenneth would be the one to
die from an act of gun violence,” she
post-traumatic growth
wrote in an online piece for Moms
Demand Action, which describes
itself as “a grassroots movement of
Americans fighting for public safety
measures that can protect people
from gun violence.”
Kenneth was the first grandchild
in a close African-American fam-
ily, a role model for his cousins and
siblings. Kenneth had two young
sons and a third on the way, and he
was the family member, Brenda says,
who would organize a barbecue if
they had not gathered for some time.
Kenneth was manager of a golf center
in University Park, a Chicago suburb,
and the weekend he was killed he was
about to host a Super Bowl party. Ken-
neth had gone out the night before to
a sports bar to play darts with friends.
As he was leaving the bar, an argu-
ment broke out between two men; he
tried to intervene as a peacemaker,
Brenda says. But a friend of one of the
men went to his van, got a gun, and
opened fire, killing Kenneth.
“A week earlier he had taken his
brother to the airport for his third tour
of duty in a conflict in the Middle East,”
Brenda says. “And this tour was his last
tour in Afghanistan, only to lose Ken-
neth a week later in a free country.”
The trauma of gun violence dispro-
portionally impacts people of color,
especially African-Americans, in the
United States; homicide is the leading
cause of death for Black males up
to 44 years old. According to a CDC
analysis, Black men and boys ages 15
to 34 accounted for 37% of gun homi-
cides in 2019 in the United States,
though that age group comprises just
2% of the country’s population.
For a long time after Kenneth’s mur-
der, Brenda tried to carry on, denying
her pain. Last spring, she spoke at a
Zoom conference on how mindfulness
can help people who have lost a loved
one to gun violence. “I was in a doc-
tor’s office and she was recommending
that I don’t go back to work,” Brenda
said, remembering how she felt a full
decade after her son’s killing, “and I
actually had on a new outfit to →
April 2022 mindful 37
post-traumatic growth
go to a new job. I had to realize that
I was broken and I was fragile. And
I stopped in that moment to realize
that I no longer saw myself—I couldn’t
see me anymore. Everybody talked
about a new norm, but I didn’t know
how to get there.”
I no longer saw myself—those are
chilling words; Brenda had lost not
just her son but something even more
basic: who she was. She had raised her
two young grandsons and was working
a demanding job in human resources
in health care while also serving as a
pastor of her church. Her own health
was at dire risk; Brenda’s blood pres-
sure soared to 250 over 110. She took
her doctor’s advice, going on disability
instead of starting the new job.
But Brenda was still a long way
from reclaiming her life—or herself.
Where Do You
Store Your
Trauma?
Trauma is a psychological, emotional
response to a deeply disturbing or
distressing experience or event. Peo-
ple who experience trauma may feel
unsafe, with a reduced capacity for
regulating their emotions and navigat-
ing relationships. Trauma can shake
our sense of self and cause lasting
harm to our ability to live a full life.
The good news is, healing from
trauma is possible.
Fadel Zeidan is an associate profes-
sor of anesthesiology at the Univer-
sity of California San Diego and the
executive director of the university’s
Center for Mindfulness. He wanted
to better understand the efficacy
of trauma-informed mindfulness—
specifically, how mindfulness might
relate to the trauma of losing a loved
one to gun violence. In early 2021
he had an opportunity to conduct a
study of gun violence victims as they
went through an intensive eight-week
38 mindful April 2022
course in Mindfulness-Based Stress
Reduction (MBSR) training. Those
taking part in the study would also
become trainers themselves and the
new trainers could then teach others
to become trainers too. The reasearch
was ambitious and far-reaching.
Zeidan has been studying mindful-
ness for more than two decades; he
wrote his undergraduate honors thesis
at UNC Charlotte on how one 20-min-
ute session of mindfulness meditation
reduces anxiety. But back then, he
didn’t see how it could be studied
objectively or empirically, and Zeidan
was advised by many professors not
to go down that path. “The study of
mindfulness was considered woo-woo
at the time,” he says. “As scientists we
were very aware of what happened
with the Transcendental Meditation
movement in the ’70s and how it’s
important to not bias data based on
one’s own subjective experience.”
m
Despite the academic risk, Zeidan
was hooked. He published research on
mindfulness in graduate school, and
then brain imaging began bringing
science into the field in a new way, AUDIO
or at least the possibility of it. Zeidan Find Healing
didn’t hesitate: His postdoc fellowship
zeroed in on brain imaging and mind- John Taylor
fulness, and he would publish the first guides a
paper on the meditating brain, in the practice to
Journal of Neuroscience. connect with a
A Palestinian refugee, Zeidan is sense of peace
passionate about examining the horror and freedom.
of gun violence in America and the role
he thinks mindfulness could play in mindful.org/
helping those who have lost loved ones. healing
While many studies (besides Zeidan’s)
on how mindfulness impacts the brain
have been published in the past decade,
no researcher has drilled down into →
post-traumatic growth
how mindfulness might affect the
life-altering state Mitch and Annika
Dworet and Brenda Mitchell found
themselves in, the trauma of loss on
that level. The most relevant data we
have, according to the University of
Utah’s Eric Garland, who has published
more papers on mindfulness than
any other researcher, are studies on
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
In Zeidan’s new study, 22 partic-
ipants from Survivors Empowered,
a national organization serving as
a resource for those who have suf-
fered loss through gun violence, were
trained for eight weeks in MBSR via
Zoom (Brenda Mitchell was one of the
22). They experienced changes quickly
at a scale that Zeidan found impres-
sive: 37% reported reduced symptoms
of trauma; 52% a reduction in symp-
toms of PTSD (“a 52% reduction in
post-traumatic stress symptoms on
the scale that we used is really pro-
found and incredibly encouraging,” he
says); 52% were less depressed; sleep
disturbance was reduced by 26%; and
overall life satisfaction improved by
16%. “Some participants were able to
close their eyes and not see their kids
or their lost loved ones,” Zeidan says.
“That was really striking to me.”
At the same time, he cautions
restraint. The results are preliminary,
“I had to
create a new
narrative for
myself and
choose to live.
Mindfulness
helped me to
see me again.”
BRENDA MITCHELL
40 mindful April 2022
and it’s a very small, self-reporting
study. Full-scale studies with con-
trol groups need to be done; changes
to the physiology of mindfulness
practitioners will be the home run of
scientific corroboration. Still, Zeidan’s
study has teased the possibilities; the
Hemera Foundation granted $100,000
in fall 2021 for Zeidan’s laboratory to
continue his work on how survivors are, perhaps you look around the
of gun violence might benefit from room and notice that the room is safe,
mindfulness. And larger studies could that you have a roof over your head.
measure what’s happening with the Simplicity is the point here, in coming
body, to find out whether the dramatic back from what’s threatening to
preliminary evidence of significant overcome your mind. “And that calms
changes is confirmed. down the whole nervous system.”
One of the organizers of Zeidan's Seeing where the mind goes and
study, Beth Mulligan, who is a long- coming back to the present moment,
time teacher of mindfulness, lays out seeing where the mind goes and com-
how MBSR, the most widely taught ing back—practicing that skill end-
mindfulness program in the world, lessly can make it possible to live with
can give direct help to people in the life-changing trauma.
throes of trauma.
MBSR training starts, she says,
by teaching the body scan. It’s not
a relaxation technique, but a way to Sharing
get tuned in to the sensations of one’s
body, especially increased heart and the Practice
respiratory rates, all the different
ways we feel stress. “And we build on So Others
that resource of knowing the body,”
Mulligan says, “so that when the fight
or flight response hits, you recognize
Can Heal
it much, much sooner.” A little less than two years after Nick
Triggers can come from anywhere: was killed, Mitch Dworet went to
a car backfiring, or a shooting in an event for the local community, an
another city on the news, or simply
out of nowhere when one is sitting
introduction to mindfulness con-
ducted by two meditation teachers,
quietly on the couch and a flashback
pops up—what Mitch Dworet calls
Shelly Tygielski and Sharon Salzberg,
in late November 2019; Jon Kabat-
going down the rabbit hole of reliving
the trauma of Nick’s murder—and
Zinn, the founder of MBSR, was also a
teacher there.
that’s when the practice of mindful-
ness can come into play.
Just being in public after the mur-
der of Nick was hard—Mitch often
“Because every time you relive
what happened, your body responds
found being around other people
frightening, as if trouble loomed
like it’s happening now,” Mulligan
says. “But you start to see that you
everywhere. And he had no idea if
mindfulness could help. But some-
have choices over what happens next.”
She describes a quick route back to
thing clicked there for him during a
loving-kindness meditation: He felt
the present moment: Feel the sensa-
tions of breath, the rhythm of your
calm. He felt safe, even in a roomful
of people. Then Mitch went to one of
chest going up and down, feel your Shelly’s Sunday morning meditations
feet on the ground, where your hands on the beach in nearby Hollywood; →
 CONTEMPLATION
HEAL WITH PRACTICE
MBSR teacher John Taylor offers a five-step meditation for finding
a greater sense of peace and freedom after trauma.
Find a comfortable, supported
position and take a deep breath in.
Let your breath move entirely through
1
Stop. Here, simply notice
your body. As you inhale, pause for a any reactions you're having
moment at the top of your breath and in this moment. You might
then exhale, letting your outbreath notice a particular sensation
extend just a bit longer than your inhale. or stressor. Simply notice.
Noticing and knowing that when you're This gentle act of noticing
under stress, it may be difficult to take allows us to create some
deep breaths, but simply do what you space for our automatic
can in this moment. reactions. When we notice,
Know that we have potential for we allow ourselves to choose
healing, for positive change, for a greater to respond with intention.
sense of inner peace and even freedom.
2
All of this and more lies within each of us.
Take a breath. Allow yourself
ABOUT THE AUTHOR to breathe as deeply as is
comfortable for you. Breath-
John Taylor is a Certified Teacher of
Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, ing deeply can bring us to
who serves as adjunct faculty for UCSD’s a state of equilibrium—to a
Center for Mindfulness. He lives in place of support, and maybe
Greater Richmond, VA, where the primary
focus of his work has been on racial
even a little peace.
equity and reconciliation initiatives.
3
Observe. With this greater
sense of ease that you're
cultivating, you can continue
to observe what is arising for
you in this moment. Between
stimulus and response, there
is space.
4
Imagine. Now, let's imagine
together. First, imagine a
door and an invitation to
open the door. Imagine
walking through and inside
the space feels quiet and
peaceful. Pause there. Now,
bring to mind a memory
that brings feelings of joy,
and peace, and even a little
excitement. Feel the energy
of this moment. Pause
there. Next, bring to mind a
moment when you felt awe.
Maybe a beautiful scenic
view at the end of a long hike.
Imagine the work it took to
get you there. And now feel
the satisfaction of arriving
at this spot. Feel the joy.
Pause there. Finally, imagine
a kind, loving figure, maybe
a grandmother figure. Feel
them sharing their warmth
and love with you. Reminding
you that you are loved. Rest
in that peace and love for a
moment. Know that this kind,
loving space is available to
you at any time.
5
Proceed. When you're
ready, bring your attention
back to your breath, wig-
gle your fingers and toes.
Know that you can carry this
feeling of spaciousness, joy,
trust, and ease into your day
with you.
April 2022 mindful 41
post-traumatic growth
about 50 people were there, but, again,
Mitch felt safe. He sat in the sand and
let himself be guided in meditation,
focusing on his breath. He listened to
the ocean rolling in. “And I was very
comfortable with that,” Mitch says.
He had begun to discover a new tool.
Mitch mentions how Shelly
“showed up for me”—he means it
literally, in her warmth and friend-
ship, but it’s also a sort of metaphor
for connection to the moment, what
mindfulness, with a great deal of
practice, began to give Mitch: A way
to be present, a way to show up to the
here and now instead of going down
the rabbit hole of past trauma.
It gave Mitch a way to begin
changing his relationship with his
pain—not to overcome it, but to begin
to live with it.
Annika—who, like her husband,
possesses an openness borne of deep
sensitivy—started joining Mitch in
the group meditation sessions at the
beach, but the process was slower for
her. “Every time I closed my eyes and
went to that still place, I had such hor-
rible, horrible thoughts in my mind
that I had to stop,” she says. “It was
42 mindful April 2022
much too overwhelming.” Mindful-
ness can take a great deal of practice—
no matter where you’re starting from.
Slowly, in small increments, it became
useful for Annika too.
She would learn to bring mindful-
ness into ordinary life, to practice
mindful eating, mindful walking, even
taking mindful showers. She learned
to stay within the moment, and within
herself. Now she often goes to sleep
with a guided meditation playing in
her headphones. It’s mindfulness as
a way of life: Out of the trauma the
Dworets have suffered, the value of
what the practice offers has emerged.
It would be absurd to think that
they’ve found a way out of grief. The
grief is permanent. They lost their
son. Alex, now 18, lost his brother.
The loss of Nick is part of who they
are now. As Mitch puts it, “There’s not
an end to this.”
Alex, Annika says, is doing OK, as
he continues to see a trauma thera-
pist. The practice of mindfulness, he’s
decided, is not for him. Last fall he
started training to become a mechanic.
Learning to be present in the
moment, through mindfulness, has
helped Mitch as a father, he says: “I
wanted to show up for Alex and be
a better listener instead of thinking
forward or back.” It happens in small,
typical family moments, he says, just
hanging out on the couch, talking
about, say, cars—Alex’s passion. Mitch
has learned to slow himself down and
listen rather than telling Alex what to
do or how to think. Instead, he tries to
hear what his son is saying.
It’s a day-by-day practice.
One morning late last summer,
Mitch Dworet got up early, as the
sun was just rising, before it was hot
in Parkland, and went out into his
yard. He sat and meditated, resting
his attention on his breath, on the
sounds of birds beginning to sing in
the dawn light. As he sometimes does
now, Mitch placed his attention on an
intention for the day: That day, it was
patience. He sometimes feels angry
over how long it has taken to bring
Nick’s killer to justice. But he doesn’t
want to go down that rabbit hole,
to live in that rage, to go back to the
chaotic emotional hell he had so much
trouble coping with in the aftermath
of his son’s murder.
Instead, when the pull of the
trauma threatens to take over,
Mitch breathes. He listens. He stays
with himself. He notices. And with
patience. With breath. He knows he’ll
keep tapping into that simple way
back to the moment, and to himself, at
vulnerable times throughout the day,
and during every day to come.
Choose to Live
For Brenda Mitchell, mindfulness
meditation opened the door she had
closed on herself after her son Ken-
neth’s murder.
In 2019, Brenda would go to a big
mindfulness retreat near Boston, orga-
nized by Shelly Tygielski and Sharon
Salzberg, that included survivors and
family members of victims from shoot-
ings in ten cities. “Let me just tell you,
it was five days with no outside contact,
no phone, no TV, no nothing,” Brenda
remembers, laughing now at the sacri-
fice she thought she was making. “The
only person I could listen to was me.”
What she learned at the retreat
was both simple and profound.
When she feels vulnerable, or, as she
describes it, “when I find myself in
a position, I pause and I breathe. I
take a vacation with myself, for three
minutes, whatever it takes me to just
bring myself back and center myself.
Mentally, I’m focused on absolutely
nothing. I let my head go back and it
just takes me to a place.”
After confronting her pain in ther-
apy, Brenda says meditation allows
her to remain with herself when grief
threatens to derail her. It can seem, on
first blush, to be a contradiction: The
recognition of her pain over Ken-
neth’s murder, finally feeling her pain,
led to her healing; the denial of it was
literally killing her.
As she says, “I kept trying to get
back to normal and there’s no such
thing as normal for me. And so what I
learned in the process is that I had to
create a new narrative for myself and
choose to live."
Mindfulness allowed Brenda to
heal "from the inside out as opposed to
the outside in" she says. "Mindfulness
helped me see me again. It told me that
my brain belonged to me. ●
 meditation

S H A R E YO U R
M E D I TAT I O N
PR AC TICE
A mindful guide to crafting your own
meditation retreat at home to deepen
your mindfulness practice and share
it with those around you.
PHOTOGRAPH BY XIAOLIANGGE / ADOBESTOCK

Introduction by Jaime Ledesma

April 2022 mindful 45

 T
here comes an
important moment
in your mindfulness
journey when you’re
called to share your
practice with others.
You might be asked to
share a mindfulness exercise
in a meeting, asked by your partner
to help soothe a mid-meltdown child,
asked by a grieving friend how you
managed through loss in your own
life. It’s a small yet monumental call
to take something deeply personal
and offer it back to the world. And
you don’t have to be a mindfulness
teacher to meet the moment.
In 2016, I started a weekly mind-
fulness group at work with two col-
leagues. We pitched the idea, secured
a nominal budget, and brought in a
certified teacher from a local medi-
tation center. We sat in a confer-
ence room, partially cross-legged in
restrictive business casual, and felt
genuine joy when close to 20 of our
coworkers practiced within the walls
of our corporate office without a trace
of insincerity.
We also soon realized that we
m didn’t have an endless budget to bring
in teachers every week. We could run
these sessions a few times a year but
AUDIO had to fill the weeks between with
Guided our own content. As the yoga teacher
Meditation of the group, I was asked to share
a mindfulness exercise in the
Practice with next meeting. And my immediate
Mark Bertin, reaction was, “Am I really qualified
Tovi Scruggs- to do this?”
Hussein, I wasn’t a certified mindfulness
PHOTOGRAPH BY LASZLO / ADOBESTOCK

and Shalini or meditation teacher at the time.

Bahl-Milne. I admired and respected my own
teachers who studied, practiced,
mindful.org/ embodied, and taught mindfulness
shareyour over many decades. Teachers play
practice an essential role in preserving and
deepening collective wisdom. A good
teacher not only guides through their
expertise, but they know that the true
teachings are found within each one

46 mindful April 2022

 PR AC T I C E TO G E T H ER

of us and, after a lifetime of trying,

erring, and persevering, they know
Create a
how to create kind space for wisdom
to arise.
I didn’t have deep expertise.
Retreat at
Mostly, I had “trying and erring.”
And that made me very similar to my
Home with
conference-room peers. I couldn’t
teach mindfulness, but I could share
my own experience—just a few years
Friends
down the road of perseverance.
Here's how I describe the differ- We’ve gathered some guidelines and
ence between sharing your practice practices as an invitation to begin crafting
and teaching the practice: your own retreat experiences at home,
Teaching is like gifting some- maybe with friends or family members.
one your secret recipe (most often Sharing your practice with others isn’t a
through example) and knowing that call to replace the expertise of teachers;
the best meals are made together. it’s an invitation to bring a thoughtful relat-
A great teacher makes it possible for ability to moments of reflection. Here’s a
you to find your own way around the list of questions for exploring the stories,
kitchen, too. They not only guide and benefits, and tips you might want to con-
connect you to your inner knowing, sider sharing about your practice.
they learn from you as well. Teachers
give us recipes for wisdom that last
a lifetime. How has medi- When has life
Sharing is like bringing a salad to tation changed gotten in the
a dinner party. You're taking some your behavior or way of your
simple ingredients from your practice reactions? How practice, and
that resonate with you, arranging would your partner what did you
them as best you can, and offering it or someone close do with that
to someone else in case they’d like to you describe challenge?
to try it, too. Sharing is saying, “I’m its impact on you? Share the silly,
right here next to you, trying the same Look for objective, real stories—like
things you are.” Sharing takes your tangible stories the challenges
own big, insightful ideas and breaks about how it helps. of meditating
them down into understandable, in a home with
easily communicated bites. It’s When are you young children.
not a substitute for a teacher’s motivated to
expertise; it’s an offering to share practice? What do you
your own experience. When do you know about
lose motivation, meditation from
and how do you experience, and
overcome it? what do you
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Connect with know because
Jaime Ledesma is a yoga and meditation teacher your own reason someone taught
and well-being specialist at Deloitte. She helps
organizations see beyond traditional wellness
for continuing to you? Acknowl-
programs and design a culture of well-being that practice. edge honestly
includes physical and mental health, empathy, where you are
connection, and a sense of purpose. She has spoken
and articulate
at national conferences, written articles for media
outlets including Thrive Global, and facilitated well- the limits of what
being classes for thousands of professionals. you know.

April 2022 mindful 47

 DAY 1
D EEPEN YO U R PR AC T I C E • 5 M I N U T ES

CONNECT
WITH
AWARENESS
By Mark Bertin
What you share about your practice will hope-
fully benefit someone else, but it will certainly
serve you. We learn a subject more intimately
when we put it into our own words and explain
it to someone else. We deepen our awareness,
share our presence with others, and enrich our
understanding of the practice. Follow these two
meditations to cultivate your full attention and
in turn encourage others to settle in the present
moment with you.
Set Intentions
Each time we sit for a few minutes, there’s an opportunity to
let go of wherever we’ve gotten caught up in, come back, and
realign ourselves with our best intentions and efforts. It might
be a sense of bringing full awareness and attention to our
experience, to the people around us, to a conversation with
our children. It might be a sense of letting go of reactivity and
coming back to resolve with more patience and clarity. All of
that can be cultivated, sustained, and developed through any
amount of time we spend in our mindfulness practice.
3
1 Bring that sense
of intention and

mindful.org/shareyourpractice
Settle into a
comfortable
posture. You can
awareness to
your practice
today. One way
5
If your atten-
lower your gaze or to do that can be tion wanders,
shut your eyes. within each in- re-engage with
breath, developing your intention
a sense of open for the prac-

2
Check in with
awareness. tice. If your mind
gets caught up
in distraction or
your intention.
What is it you’d
like to bring to the
4
With each out-
reactivity or some
sense of discom-
fort, that’s normal.
practice today? breath, come up Gently bring your
with a word that attention back
captures your with awareness.
intentions for
yourself. Breathe
in with awareness.
Breathe out with 6
your intentions for Pause for a
this moment. moment. Gently
move on with your
day, bringing the
PHOTOGRAPH BY NABODIN / ADOBESTOCK

gifts of this prac-

tice with you.

48 mindful April 2022

2020
S H A R E YO U R P R AC T I C E • 5 M I N U T ES

Be Kind to
Your Mind
This meditation trains your attention so you can learn how to
choose what you’d like to focus on rather than letting your mind
wander around unattended. A wandering mind is a potentially
dangerous thing. The more you can notice when your mind has
wandered, the more chances you have to bring yourself back
to the present moment. Please, proceed with kindness for your
naturally-wandering mind.

1
Find a comfort-
able posture. If
you're sitting in a
4
As many times
chair, place your
feet on the ground
and lift your back
3
As best as you're
as your mind
wanders off
somewhere else,
up off the chair able to, bring come back to the
so you're sitting your awareness next breath again.
upright and alert. back to your When you're ready,
body. Notice how open your eyes and
it moves with each lift your gaze.

2
Drop your gaze.
breath you take. If
you like, you might
label the sensa-
If you're comfort- tions as "breathing
able, and you'd in" and "breathing
like to, you can out." There’s noth-
shut your eyes. ing to do. Nothing
You might notice to fix. Nothing
that even as you to change.
start, your mind
may already be off
somewhere else.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mark Bertin is a pediatrician, author,

and mindfulness teacher specializing
in neurodevelopmental behavioral
pediatrics.

April 2022 mindful 49

 DAY 2

D EEPEN YO U R PR AC T I C E • 10 M I N U T ES

CONNECT
WITH Cultivate the
SELF-CARE Courage to Heal
By Tovi Scruggs-Hussein
Research shows that resilience is cultivated by supporting
emotional balance. One way to balance our emotions is to name
We’re all being called to tap into deeper wells of what is unbalanced within. We do this in order to connect and
courage and resilience. For those of us leading in lead from a place of wholeness and in order to be skillful in our
this way, self-care is critical, not optional. It's a interactions with those we serve and love.
lifestyle commitment. Because our culture does
not support resting as a way of being, resting is
an act of courage. Resting is about restoration.
To restore is about doing differently, so that we
are being differently. It's about doing something
good for you, but it's also about not doing. What
can you not do in order to restore? 1
Lower your gaze
4
Place your hand

mindful.org/shareyourpractice
or close your
eyes. Take three
deep breaths at
2
Settle into
over your heart
and breathe into
the truth and the
a natural pace. breathing, find- beauty of knowing
With each breath, ing the rhythm for that our own heal-
anchor into the your in- and out- ing creates com-
present moment breath. And bring passionate condi-
with full curiosity, your awareness tions for those
non-judgment, to the present we love. Honor
and deep self- moment. this moment by
compassion. staying connected
to your breath,

3
Breathe into
acknowledging
what arises with-
out any judgment.
this truth: When Whatever arises,
I heal, the system know that you
I serve heals, have the courage
ultimately creating to meet it.
conditions that we
no longer need to
heal from.
PHOTOGRAPH BY NABODIN / ADOBESTOCK

50 mindful April 2022

2020
S H A R E YO U R P R AC T I C E • 10 M I N U T ES

Welcome Rest
Resting is not self-indulgent; it's not selfish; and it's also not just
anything that feels good. I created an acronym for rest in my work:
restoratively embracing self today. We all give and do so much, and rest
is a key responsibility to ourselves. This means that we honor ourselves
by resting and we model this for others by example. By resting, we give
others permission to also rest.

6
2 Bring your
attention back

1
Lower your gaze
Invite in rest
with each inhale.
Invite in deeper 4
to the breath,
returning to the
rhythm of your
or close your rest with each Bring your breath with each
eyes. Take three exhale, without breathing into in-breath and out-
deep breaths at any effort. Just your abdomen. breath, increasing
a natural pace, breathe in and out. If you’re breathing your awareness,
signaling to your from your abdo- becoming more
body and mind men, bring your present, allowing
that you're about
to practice. As you
settle in, gently
3
Notice where
breathing deeper
into your belly.
Notice what it feels
for the spacious-
ness of rest in your
presence and in
remind yourself to you are breath- like to breathe your body.
stay open in this ing from—simply more deeply.
moment with full notice, with no
curiosity, non-
judgment, and
a deep sense of
judgment. Are
you breathing from
your throat, your 5 7
When you’re
self-compassion. chest? Or are you Support yourself ready, open your
breathing from by breathing at eyes and return,
your abdomen? a pace that feels fully present.
good to you. As
you breathe deeply
from your abdo-
men, you mas-
sage your nervous
systems with each
in-breath and out-
breath. Breathe
ABOUT THE AUTHOR freely and rest.
Tovi Scruggs-Hussein is an award-winning
urban educator with almost 30 years of
courageous leadership and transformation
experience. She is a recognized leader in
emotional intelligence, equity and inclusion,
and resilience.

April 2022 mindful 51

 DAY 3

D EEPEN YO U R PR AC T I C E • 10 M I N U T ES

CONNECT
WITH Return to
CURIOSITY Your Senses
By Shalini Bahl-Milne
If we draw from a pool of resources without replenishing them,
we can begin to feel depleted—our brain gets sluggish, and
When sharing with others, we immediately see we don't make good decisions. By resting our attention on our
how their needs, experiences, and interpreta- senses, we are taking a moment to reconnect with ourselves
tions differ from ours. It helps us loosen our and feel fully present.
ideas of how mindfulness has to work, and focus
on how it could work. Show up every day with
openness and curiosity by engaging in these two 3 With spaciousness
in your mind and
practices to connect with what’s most impor-
tant to you—and what’s most important to those
around you.
1
Find a supported
Now shift your
attention to
sound. Notice
body, receive any
scents or absence
of scents. As we
posture. You can the sounds in your refine our ability to
do this practice environment or smell, staying here
mindful.org/shareyourpractice
while walking or within you. Note open and receptive,
sitting. You can how some sounds we may start to un-
also take this may feel pleas- cover newer scents
practice outside if ant, some are that we had not
you have access unpleasant, and noticed earlier. Stay
to a quiet space. some are neutral. here for a few more
Lower your gaze or You may discover moments. You can
close your eyes—if that your mind has choose to stay here
you're wandered, and with the sense of
not walking. that's natural. As smell or return to
soon as you notice your sense of touch
that, return to your or sound.

2 sense of sound and

receive the sounds
Start with the
sense of touch.
Feel any sensa-
with kindness. You
can choose to stay
with your sense of
5
Open your eyes
tions of touch in touch or sound, or and look at an
your feet and the you can shift your object in front of
contact they make attention now you with fresh
with the floor. Can to smell. eyes. Without get-
you feel the touch ting lost in labels or
of any footwear, or judgments, see the

4
PHOTOGRAPH BY NABODIN / ADOBESTOCK

if you're barefoot, object as if you’re

the touch of air on looking at it for the
your skin? Where Notice the scents first time. Note the
else in your body around you. If textures, colors,
can you feel the you're outdoors, lightness, dark-
air touching you may dis- ness. Make a
your skin? cover very different note of how it feels
scents than what to give your full
you find inside your attention to
house or office. your senses.

52 mindful April 2022

S H A R E YO U R P R AC T I C E • 10 M I N U T ES

Act on What’s
Important
We feel most energized when we find purpose and meaning in what
we are doing. But, on the other hand, we can feel depleted when we don't
take time to do activities that are inspiring or important to us. Create
some space and time to reconnect with yourself and ask, “What's
most important to me?”

5
When you feel

1
Find a comfort- 3
present, relaxed,
and alert, invite
the question,
able posture.
Lower your gaze
or close your
If you find your
mind is busy,
try placing your
“What is most
important to
me in my life?”
6
If this practice
eyes. Then, take hand over your There’s no need feels awkward,
a moment to heart. Feel the to search or strive. that's OK. Note
return to yourself, warmth of your Stay with the it with kindness,
to your breath. hand and the question, “What realizing that
connection with is most important being in silence
your body. Let to me?” and allow can sometimes be

2
Let go of
your breath move
naturally in and out
of your body. Give
thoughts to natu-
rally surface and
emerge. Maybe
hard. If it's easier,
you can open your
eyes and try some
any ideas of your full care and it's just a silent journaling. When
“shoulds” and attention to the whisper, “What is you ask the ques-
“I must” and natural rhythm of important to me?” tion, “What is most
“this is right or your breath, rising Listen in. Stopping important to me?”
wrong.” Allow and falling within to make this space, allow yourself to
yourself to be your body. to meet yourself, is write whatever
fully present, with enough. So even comes up. Write
no agendas, and if you don't find honestly, since
nothing to fix. Take
this time to meet
yourself, just the
4
With each
any deep insights,
being with your
breath, your body,
it’s just for you
and no one else.

way you are. inhale, create a yourself in silence,

little more space is enough.
in your mind,
chest, abdomen,
and whole body.
With each exhale,
let go of what
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
you don't need to
Shalini Bahl-Milne is an award-
hold on to for the
winning researcher, Certified MBSR
time being. and Search Inside Yourself teacher,
and a town councilor in Amherst, MA.

April 2022 mindful 53

 resilience

Always
Different,
Always
the
Same
Mindfulness practice can help us change for the
better. It can also allow us to sit with the things we
can’t change and help us work with the inevitable
changes life brings. As Barry Boyce writes, our
practice teaches us a kind of recipe for navigating
change: time + kindness + curiosity + not knowing.

54 mindful April 2022

ILLUSTRATION BY STOCKARTROOM / ADOBESTOCK
resilience

T he superb science journalist Sharon

Begley, who wrote a regular column
for Mindful until her untimely
death in early 2021, was fond of studies of
personality: the different types, how much
they’re influenced by our environment and
our relationships, and—most potently—
whether our personalities can change.

Even if we’re hard-pressed to say pre-
cisely what personalities are, we know
them. Some people are laid back, oth-
ers stubborn, some happy-go-lucky,
others a little gloomy. Some folks we
know are sharp-tongued while others
talk smooth. Some are rugged indi-
vidualists; others conform. Arche-
types capturing these human varia-
tions abound. In Southeast Asia, since
ancient times, shadow puppets have
depicted stock characters dancing,
laughing, fighting, fleeing. The troupes
of stereotypes in the Italian commedia
dell’arte allowed audiences to laugh at
themselves and each other. In modern
times, we’ve created the Enneagram,
the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, the
Not only that, thinkers from Sun
Tzu and Socrates to Maya Angelou
and bell hooks have urged us to get to
know who we are, the better to thrive
in the world. If getting to know who
we are is such an important goal in
life, then, why are we so determined
to change ourselves and to try to
change others?
Indeed, can we actually change? And
will practices like mindfulness change
us? And further, will arguments and
persuasion inspire other people to
change for the better? Or should we
just throw up our hands: People don’t
change; let’s leave it at that.
When we consider whether anyone
can change, we need to look at the
Trying to change what’s funda-
mental about yourself or anyone
else is generally a nonstarter. If
instead you first accept that as given,
embrace it even, you can look at what
can change in shorter periods of time:
habits and views, what we actually
do and say, and whether it does harm.
If an outgoing person irritates a lot
of people in an office, trying to make
them less outgoing is hardly the place
to start. Why not go out there with
them, get to know them better? At
that point, levers for change might
present themselves. The problem is
not who they are; it’s what they’re
doing or maybe something they’re
not seeing or you’re not seeing..
ILLUSTRATION BY STOCKARTROOM / ADOBESTOCK

DISC Assessment, and countless other
schemas to suss out and navigate the
type of person we are.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Barry Boyce is the founding editor of Mindful and
Mindful.org. He is also author of The Mindfulness
Revolution. He has been an avid mindfulness
practitioner for over 40 years.
framing behind the question first.
When we ask whether a person can
change, too often we’re indeed think-
ing in terms of personality: a long-
term, ingrained way of being in the
world, backed up by neural pathways
and brain chemistry. These do not
change rapidly, and in fact, familiar-
izing yourself with these tendencies
and their effects is a key part of what
it means to get to know yourself.
Change can feel so very hard to
bring about, but it is inevitable. It will
happen of its own accord. But it’s also
in a constant interplay with continu-
ity. In my daily walk in the woods,
there’s a tree trunk that branches into
two smaller trunks. At that juncture
there’s a triangular cradle that fills
with water, a tiny birdbath. When
cold, it’s ice. When warm, it’s water.
When hot, it vaporizes. When it →

56 mindful April 2022

 “
In my daily walk in the woods,
there’s a tree trunk that
branches into two smaller
trunks. At that juncture there’s a
triangular cradle that fills with
water, a tiny birdbath. When
cold, it’s ice. When warm, it’s
water. When hot, it vaporizes.
When it rains, there’s water
again. It’s always different. It’s
always the same.

rains, there’s water again. It’s always
different. It’s always the same.
There is always deep continuity
beneath the changes on the surface.
Human beings have such deep conti-
nuities: our identities and personalities.
That’s why we can get to know our-
selves, our tendencies, our tastes, our
predilections, and, yes, our blind spots,
faults, and foibles. Otherwise, we’d be
unrecognizable, a TV screen randomly
and rapidly changing channels.
Despite our deep continuities,
though, we do change, and as Sharon
Begley reported, even our personali-
ties change, but not quickly. Living
through times when tribalism seems
at an all-time high, when views are
held with adamantine vehemence—
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and broadcast day and night in every
conceivable medium, with no breath-
ing space—it seems impossible to
imagine how polarities will diminish.
With time, though, and shifting cir-
cumstances, we all will change. And
the perspective offered by mindful-
ness practice can help—both to bring
about helpful change and respond to
changes that leap out at us. It teaches
us a kind of recipe for navigating
change: time plus kindness plus curi-
osity plus not-knowing.
Let Time Pass
Though I loved my dad dearly as I
was growing up, he also drove me
crazy. He seemed authoritarian, rigid,
and old-fashioned. I was the young-
est of seven children and my dad was
already old when I was born. When
the full complement of our family was
at home, I was too young to perceive
the stresses he was under. Familiar
ground shifted seismically for his
generation. The Vietnam War raged.
A brother served there, while other
family members opposed the war. My
oldest brother dropped out of col-
lege with only months to go, moved
to Greenwich Village, brought home
LSD on a sugar cube, and deposited
it in the fridge. If I fast-forward to 10
years later, when I moved back home
after college for a while, my dad had
aged, like wine—philosophical, at
times playful, wise, and very kind. He
had a certain melancholy as well, a
part of his personality. He was a real-
ist, and the world saddened him.
During the period when I so des-
perately wanted my father to change—
to think like me, to be younger—my
eyes and ears were closed. I didn’t see
or engage the whole of him. Perhaps
resilience
that’s always the way with fathers and
sons, parents and children, but the
point remains. People are shifting and
changing in ways we don’t see, and
time will effect change. You cannot
will a plant to grow faster. With atten-
tion, though, you can help it become
healthier, and appreciate its growth,
but that’s not likely if you’re in a rush
and resenting the plant for not grow-
ing according to your timetable.
The world unfolds differently
when, rather than rushing, we persist
patiently—persistence allows us to
see change happen, to be there for
it. A meditation group I wanted to
be part of in Manhattan was very
in-groupy. When I would show up for
sessions, almost no one reached out
to me. I wasn’t one of them. But I just
kept showing up. Gradually, a kind of
“you’re still here?” quality settled in.
They opened up. They changed, and
it changed me. Ever since, I’ve tried
to pay kind attention to newcomers in
any situation.
Meeting the Moment
with Kindness
Trying to push change onto ourselves
and others usually invites resistance,
our innate mechanism for preserving
the status quo. For example, when we
start to meditate, part of us may say,
“You don’t want to do this. You don’t
need to do this. You don’t need this
much intimate time with yourself.
Who knows what you might uncover?
Things are just fine.” Ah, but if things
were totally fine, we wouldn’t be
motivated to practice meditation in
the first place.
Pushing back with an equal or
greater force is the surest way not to
loosen up that resistance—our own or
someone else’s. Being kind, even in →
April 2022 mindful 59
resilience
Even the most
stubborn and “
intractable can at
times be moved by
patient, innovative,
and adaptive
exploring.
the simplest of ways, is a better start.
If someone is yelling, will yelling
back help?
If they’ve been unkind, it’s natural
to ask, Why would I be kind to them? In
fact, we’re not being kind to the part of
them that’s yelling. We’re being kind
to the vulnerable human being some-
where in there, who is lashing out—
most likely from habits developed to
get by, to make up for something they
feel they’re not getting. We may not
think kindness is warranted for peo-
ple acting wrongly (or we ourselves
when we’ve done something we’re
not proud of), but as Sharon Salzberg
points out in Real Change, creating an
atmosphere of loving-kindness does
not equate with condoning some-
one’s behavior or views. We are kind
because we care, because in our heart
we want something better for every-
one, and that starts with showing
someone that our door is open, even if
theirs doesn’t seem to be.
Loretta Ross, a Black feminist
activist and a cofounder of repro-
ductive justice theory, wrote in the
New York Times about working on
a mountaintop in rural Tennessee
with women whose partners were Ku
60 mindful April 2022
Klux Klan. They wanted anti-racist
training to help keep their children
out of the group:
All day the women called me
a “well-spoken colored girl” and
inappropriately asked that I sing
Negro spirituals. I naïvely thought
at the time that all white people were
way beyond those types of insulting
anachronisms.
Instead of reacting, I responded.
I couldn’t let my hurt feelings sabo-
tage my agenda. I listened to how
they joined the white supremacist
movement.
By getting to know them, she
reached the point where she could
share with them how she felt when
she was eight and her best friend
called her by the N word. She made
real progress. Seemingly, the women
were already inclined to change, but
they had much further to go, and
Loretta’s basic kindness allowed them
to take the next steps.
Kindness is often expressed
through simple ritual. In many cul-
tures, offering tea or some other kind
of drink, and some food, even if just as
 a token, is the first gesture. Many cul-
tures hold in high regard the grand-
mother’s kitchen—the place where an
elder offers you wisdom that comes
out of the simple warmth of a cup of
tea, a bite to eat. And a more relaxed
sense of time, and timing.

Exploring with Curiosity

When we let go of the impulse to rush
and we let our hearts be open, our
intrinsic curiosity can emerge, which
we can inspire in others as well. We
explore rather than implore. We
become whisperers.

m
That seems to be the principle at
the heart of The Winter Institute’s
Welcome Table, a program that brings
healing to communities with a history
of distrust. In the June 2016 issue of
AUDIO
Mindful, Barry Yeoman wrote of the
Nurture
program’s monthly meetings, “where
Curiosity
trained facilitators help participants
tell and listen to personal stories. One
Approach the
goal of these conversations is to foster
world with a
relationships across race lines—ties
“don’t-know
that later translate into civic activities
mind” with
aimed at promoting racial justice.”
this guided
Storytelling allows curious explora-
practice from
tion of another’s experience, in a way
Dr. Sará King.
that’s simply not possible in the thrust
and parry (and bloodletting) that
mindful.org/
occurs on social media.
dont-know
Even the most stubborn and
intractable can at times be moved
by patient, innovative, and adaptive
exploring. In his new book, Think
Again: The Power of Knowing What
You Don’t Know, and a recent article
in Harvard Business Review, organiza-
tional psychologist Adam Grant tells
stories about how notoriously difficult
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it was to dislodge Steve Jobs from his

fixed views. In one famous case, Jobs
passionately opposed Apple having a
phone. He compiled a list of reasons,
foremost among them was that only
nerds would want it.
Key people, though, saw a phone
in Apple’s future, Grant writes, and
sought ways to spark his curiosity,
for example by asking, “If Apple →

April 2022 mindful 61

resilience
made a phone, how beautiful and
elegant could it be?” It opened a door
in his mind, so they persisted for
months of meetings, secretly build-
ing prototypes, which they eventually
showed to Jobs. A dialogue started.
They refined designs. They did not
fight him. Rather, they found a way
to his heart by asking questions and
presenting possibilities, and a ground-
breaking device emerged. (Of course,
now the change we need is for all
of us to learn how to unhook from
our addition to this kind of device!
Change begets more change.)
Practice Don’t-Know Mind
In our eagerness to change ourselves
or to change others, our mind races,
generating lots of different futures,
but in fact, none of these futures is
real. They may suggest possibilities,
but they are not outcomes. They’re
phantoms in the mind.
In his decades of work with dying
people, Frank Ostaseski developed
five principles, which he presents in
his book The Five Invitations: Discov-
ering What Death Can Teach Us About
Living Fully. The last is Cultivate
62 mindful April 2022
Don’t-Know Mind. We like to feel we
ought to know how the story turns
out, and at times we figure we’ve
got a pretty good guess, but in fact,
we’re often surprised by how a story
unfolds. A few I’ve seen: A stock-
broker chucks it all to publish books
about the meaning of life, a college
administrator starts an organic farm,
children many have written off even-
tually become teachers in the yoga
program started at their Baltimore
grade school.
Frank shares a potent example
from his own life about a surprising
turnaround. As a teenager, he was
molested for several years by a parish
priest, a friend of the family. It left
him deeply scarred and in fact homo-
phobic. Though he’s now clear that
there’s no connection between pedo-
philia and homosexuality, at the time
they’d become conflated in his mind.
He was also deeply distrustful of
authority and organized religion, but
gradually he allowed himself to follow
the Zen teacher Stephen Levine, who
seemed neither religious nor overly
authoritarian. As meditation practice
opened him more to his deep feelings,
trauma from his past gnawed at him.
He decided to disclose to Stephen
what he was going through. Levine
suggested he work with people dying
of AIDS. He freaked out:
I grabbed him by his shirt, threw
him up against the wall, and yelled,
“Are you crazy?” My inner hurt
adolescent was exploding. In that
moment, all I could experience were
prohibitions against this idea and a
great deal of pent-up anger. What
a ridiculous notion, how absurd, I
thought, that I should serve the very
type of person who, in my confused
mind, had caused me so much harm.
But even as the word No! left my
mouth, I knew Stephen was right. It
was a moment of sudden awareness, a
recognition of the meaning that was to
be found in my suffering. I had to do it.
The groundbreaking work he did
as the first director of the Zen Hos-
pice Project changed his life forever,
and immeasurably benefited many
others. And it emerged from the dis-
mantling of fixed ideas about future
possibilities, about who he was and
who others were.
One day, Rhonda Magee discovered
something in the middle of a mindful-
ness exercise she’d done many times
with her law students: the classic
raisin exercise, where one learns to
experience the simplest of things
fully. Something new emerged that
day when the students were asked to
describe their experience. For several
of them, it was more than a convenient
snack. They came from California
farm-worker families. They described
the depth of meaning this dried fruit
had in their lives, symbolizing toil and
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struggle and people doing whatever
they could to support a family.
Perhaps no one in that class has
seen a raisin the same way since.
Before we try to change something—
about ourselves or another—perhaps it
would be wise to first leave some time
and space, then to generate kindness
and caring, and finally see things with
fresh eyes, every day, as fully as we
can, suspending judgment. ●
 “
We are kind because
we care, because in our
heart we want something
better for everyone, and
that starts with showing
someone that our door
is open, even if theirs
doesn’t seem to be.
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 BOOKMARK THIS
read…listen…stream
by AMBER TUCKER, AVA WHITNEY-COULTER, BARRY BOYCE,
KYLEE ROSS, OYINDA LAGUNJU, and STEPHANIE DOMET

SET BOUNDARIES, BREATHE IN CALM

FIND PEACE Yogic Breathing & Mindfulness
A Guide to Reclaiming Tools for Instant Anxiety Relief
Yourself Domonick Wegesin, PhD •
Nedra Glover Tawwab • New Harbinger
TarcherPerigee

“‘Boundaries’ can be such a broad and intimi- For those of us grappling with your relationship to it? He
dating term,” therapist, author, and relation- anxiety, the first step toward presents a collection of tools,
ship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab writes in calm can be a kind reframing: or skills, in a sequence to
the first few pages of Set Boundaries, Find “Most anxious folks cannot help you learn to navigate
Peace. And it is true. Moving through the pinpoint exactly why they are anxiety. The chapters—from
world while setting and respecting boundar- anxious. That’s OK. There’s a The Observer Tool, all the
ies is no easy feat. Similar in sentiment to the simpler way,” writes Wegesin. way to The Choose Your
title of Chapter 1, you may even be wonder- To wit, shifting from the why Story Tool and The Kindness
ing: What the Heck Are Boundaries? Through to the what. What are your Tool—are broken down into
a series of relatable stories and scenarios, symptoms, your triggers? easily digestible chunks,
Glover Tawwab shows us how different types What calms your anxiety? each with a brief practice to
of boundaries and boundary violations can And what will help you shift explore. – AT
show up in real life. However, Glover Taw-
wab doesn’t stop at recognizing what this may
look like in our lives: She offers thoughtful
responses we can use in similar situations,
exercises comprised of prompts geared toward
self-reflection, questions formed to uncover DOPAMINE NATION
what boundaries we may need to explore, and Finding Balance in the
guidance on how to meet resistance to the Age of Indulgence
boundaries we’d like to hold. She also explores Anna Lembke • Dutton
how past trauma can impact our ability to
maintain healthy boundaries.
In her writing, Glover Tawwab always
comes back to the truth that boundaries “can In Dopamine Nation, psy- so good that we can’t stop
be such a broad term.” She’s apt to acknowl- chiatrist Dr. Anna Lembke wanting more, and under-
edge that everyone’s expectations and needs unpacks the neuroscience standing the “why” can help
to feel safe in a relationship are different—and of dopamine with a lens of us hold one another account-
boundaries are valid in a variety of settings compassion rarely offered able without holding each
that involve family, friends, romance, work, to the topic of addiction. other back. With compelling
and technology. She presents easy steps to set Meanwhile, her matter-of- anecdotes from both clients
boundaries (and notes that they’re “maybe fact tone offers a realness and Lembke herself, the
not so easy, but doable”) and gives everyone a that drives home the impor- author illustrates what the
foundation to start doing the work of setting tance of paying attention to science looks like in real life
boundaries with a smart and painless self- balance when we’re like “cacti and helps us understand the
assessment quiz “to see which type of bound- in a rainforest.” Almost all of dopamine-saturated world
aries show up for you the most.” – KR us will experience a feeling we live in. – AWC

64 mindful April 2022

 read, listen, stream

DRAWN ON THE WAY

A Guide to Capturing the
Moment through Live Sketching
Sarah Nisbett • Quarry Books

Open Drawn On the Way and
you’ll swear you’re getting a
secret glimpse into an art-
ist’s sketchbook. Each page
is embellished with sweet
sketches and handwritten
notes from author Sarah
Nisbett and as a bonus, is rich
with tips to start your own
sketchbook. Nisbett offers
wisdom from her sketching
practice and gently encour-
ages us to begin by center-
ing curiosity, empathy, and
wonder—qualities that will
also serve our daily lives. She
Healing
Healthcare
reminds us to follow joy, be
kind to ourselves, and stay
curious about the world and
our place in it. The book is an
invitation to learn how to see
the world “as a place filled REIMAGINING THE FUTURE
with stories; how to see the
people around you differently, OF HEALTHCARE
as works of art; and how to
see yourself differently, as In early February, we were
someone whose voice has a
place, even if it’s just in the
honored to host thousands of
private pages of your own healthcare professionals at a
sketchbook.” –KR remarkable online summit.

MINDFULNESS MEDITATIONS
All recordings available as
FOR ADHD part of the Mindful Healthcare
Improve Focus. Strengthen Self-
Awareness, and Live More Fully
Resource Package
Merriam Sarcia Saunders, LMFT •
Rockridge Press mindful.org/healing-healthcare-
lifetime-access
This handy book delivers habits, along with self-
exactly what its title promises: compassion, acceptance,
mindfulness exercises spe- and more. Her practices S P EC I A L T H A N KS TO O U R
cifically designed to address address restlessness, stim- P RE SEN TE RS A N D S P ON SORS
some of the frustrations a ming, executive function
person with Attention Deficit struggles, and emotional
Disorder may face. Even regulation (difficulty recogniz-
without an official diagnosis, ing or naming emotions can
those who struggle with focus be a hallmark of ADHD). She
and follow-through—and who includes movement practices,
doesn’t, in this never-ending short practices for on-the-go,
pandemic—will find practices and practical exercises for
here that may help smooth morning and night—includ-
the way. Sarcia Saunders ing mindful approaches to
introduces basic meditation showering, eating, and com-
techniques and exercises for ing home from work—with the
focusing on a task, getting compassion and expertise of
things done, and managing a fellow ADHD traveler. – SD

April 2022 mindful 65

read, listen, stream

PODCAST “The more you interact

reviews with your emotions, the less

they are strangers.”

LEADING WITH GENUINE CARE

Episode: “Nate Klemp on Applying
Mindfulness in Everyday Life”

With 10 years of philosophical ness and meditation. Klemp

training, it’s clear that Nate discusses how he uses these THE MINDFULNESS
Klemp was always searching “inner technologies of the WORKBOOK FOR
for something more, though mind” to change his inner ADDICTION, 2nd ED.
he didn’t exactly know what. habits. With wisdom from Rebecca E. Williams and Julie
In this episode of Leading Nate’s grandmother Hilda, S. Kraft • New Harbinger
with Genuine Care, the coau- the duo discusses the role
thor of The 80/80 Marriage our physical health plays in
sits down with host Rob Dube our mental state, what an Current research shows that mindfulness can
to discuss how a biking ac- 80/80 marriage looks like, help to heal many forms of addiction. This
cident and the constraints of and why daily gratitude is guidebook presents evidence-based strategies
academia led him to mindful- essential. – OL with a down-to-earth voice, ideal for readers to
use either on their own or with therapy. Wil-
liams is a psychologist, specializing in recovery
I’M CURIOUS WITH ASHLEY ASTI from mental illness and addictions, while Kraft
Episode: “A Practice for the Tired is an author (including writing this book’s first
& Weary with Rashid Hughes” edition) and mental health advocate. 
The Workbook provides a start-where-you-
In this grounding conversa- practice that invites us to be are approach, welcoming readers still in active
tion, meditation teacher with ourselves—something addiction, and uses a gradual skill-building
and creator of the R.E.S.T. Hughes notes isn’t honored in model. Uncovering the roots of our compulsions,
practice Rashid Hughes and society. “There’s an inherent the authors write, is how mindfulness supports
host Ashley Asti dig deep worthiness in who we are that recovery: “We have the ability to dream, to
into the four pillars of the doesn’t have to be worked for imagine, to contemplate, to create. Memories
practice: Relax your atten- or earned,” Hughes says. With and imagination are wonderful gifts.” At times,
tion. Release. Exhale all practice, “we’re reprogram- however, these gifts “pull us from the present
striving. Empty. Sense the ming our systems, our bodies, moment and send us time traveling,” thus fuel-
silence. Surrender. Tune in to begin to trust that it’s safe ing stress, anxiety, and desire to escape. This is
to awareness. Trust. It’s a to stop.” – KR human, not unique to those who struggle with
addiction—and we can make different choices by
nonjudgmentally getting to know our minds. 
NPR SHORT WAVE In Part 1, Williams and Kraft explore the
Episode: “What Happens in interplay between emotions, thoughts, and
the Brain When We Grieve” behavior change, patterns that keep us in addic-
tion (avoiding feelings, self-blaming, withdraw-
In this brief but poignant fering of those who have lost ing…), and mindful strategies to support more
conversation, psychologist loved ones in the COVID-19 balanced ways of thinking and acting. Part 2
Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor pandemic can help us move delves into loss, and how addictions are devel-
and host Emily Kwong waste forward. “I really think of oped and maintained. The final part concerns
no time diving headfirst into a grieving as a form of learn- grief; healthy relationships and support systems;
topic we so often avoid. They ing,” says O’Connor. In this a second chapter on mindfulness practices,
get real about the current episode, she unpacks how the added for this new edition; and other mental
pervasiveness of grief, why terrible process of adapt- health challenges. Throughout, readers also
the privileged are also privi- ing to the loss of a loved one engage with case studies, journaling prompts,
leged in the grieving process, can lead to post-traumatic and exercise worksheets, which are also avail-
and how recognizing the suf- growth. – AWC able online. – AT

66 mindful April 2022

 read, listen, stream

WIRED FOR LOVE

A Neuroscientist’s Journey
Through Romance, Loss, and
the Essence of Human Connection
Stephanie Cacioppo • Macmillan

Many artists and scientists losing him to cancer. The

have tried to capture what
love is. However, few have
married both approaches
in the way Dr. Stephanie
Cacioppo has in this book.
Laying out the science behind
why and how we fall in love
beside her human experi-
ence of love and loss, she
gives readers an intimate
look into her relationship
with fellow neuroscientist Dr.
John Cacioppo, and Stepha-
nie’s journey to healing after
author explains the science
of love in a way that’s easy
to understand and shares
her experience with grief in
a way that makes you feel a
little less alone. Filled with a
little something for everyone,
Wired for Love is a unique
take on a memoir that will
take you on a journey of grief
and healing with a reminder
to keep your heart open to all
the beauty and pain that life
might bring. – OL

STRESS-FREE PRODUCTIVITY
A Personalized Toolkit to Become
Your Most Efficient and Creative Self
Alice Boyes • TarcherPerigee

Initially, one may wonder as “Experiments” show you how

I did how an already-written
book could be a truly “person-
alized” toolkit, but the answer
becomes clear not long after
the first page of Stress-Free
Productivity. Alice Boyes
marries the psychology of
productivity and priority with
anecdotal examples and a
choose-your-own adventure
structure that helps the reader
guide themselves through this
information-rich book. Quiz-
zes help you determine what
information in the book will be
most helpful to you personally.
to put the advice and science
into practice, gather insight
into your own personality and
preferences, and choose how
to move forward.
Boyes expands the com-
monly held definition of pro-
ductivity, writing that “focus
isn’t the full story of how to get
things done.” She advocates
for a balance between disci-
pline and having the courage
to wander astray. What that
balance should be for you is
the question she helps the
reader answer. – AWC

April 2022 mindful 67

read, listen, stream
TUNE IN TO
mindful
Visit mindful.org for featured meditations from
Bob Stahl, Sharon Salzberg, and Shalini Bahl-Milne
3 MINDFUL PRACTICES TO REMIND YOU
THAT YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Overcome Feelings of Isolation
1 but Johann Hari’s deep investigation of the
with Bob Stahl
When we’re in a rough patch, it’s easy to feel as
though we’re going through it alone. But the truth
is as human beings, we’re all connected, and in
those moments when we feel isolated, we can draw
on the strengths of one another to keep moving
forward. This meditation from Bob Stahl can help
you develop a deeper sense of connection—both to
the present moment and to those around you.  change in our ability to resist distraction. He
Connect with Loving-Kindness
2 tion than ever before, which has a tendency to
with Sharon Salzberg
When we realize how connected we all truly are,
we can start to see how one small act of kindness
can ripple throughout our community. Acting from
a place of loving-kindness can help us amplify the
good in each other. This loving-kindness meditation
from Sharon Salzberg can help us move through the
world with compassion, look beyond our differences,
and treat everyone with compassion—even those we
don’t necessarily agree with.
Lead with Gratitude
3 likening the need for collective social change
with Shalini Bahl-Milne
Creating an environment where everyone feels
heard and appreciated is part of the bedrock on
which community can be built. Not only is com-
munity an essential factor in our mental well-
being, it also allows us to be a source of support
for each other. Feeling and expressing gratitude,
says Shalini Bahl-Milne, is one of the ways we can
foster community. This gratitude practice can
help you cultivate a newfound sense of apprecia-
tion for those around you, so that you can act
from a place of love. – OL
68 mindful April 2022
STOLEN FOCUS
Why You Can’t Pay
Attention and How to
Think Deeply Again
Johann Hari • Crown
It may seem like a disconnect to present read-
ers with a 500-plus-page book on the personal
and systemic problem of focus degradation,
ways our individual and collective attention
has been shattered is highly compelling—and
in fairness, almost 200 pages are extensive
endnotes and resources. Hari, who resigned
from The Independent in disgrace a decade
ago, after plagiarizing quotes and smearing his
journalistic rivals online, presents a thor-
oughly articulated, exhaustively reported, and
meticulously documented exploration of the
goes deeply into, and then beyond, the obvious
culprits: We are exposed to more informa-
exhaust our attention resources more rapidly;
the technology we use, especially smartphones
and social media apps, which is designed to
keep us coming back for more by keeping us
outraged. He explores the effects systemic
issues like surveillance capitalism, pollution,
and work culture have on our attention, along
with childhood trauma, diet, and the dearth of
childhood free play. Hari interviews scientists,
sociologists, professors, authors, psychologists,
tech engineers. He weaves in his own personal
journey with focus, and makes a compelling
case for what he calls an Attention Rebellion,
to earlier struggles for gay rights or women’s
liberation. He harkens back to the Industrial
Revolution, and the way workers continued
to fight, together, for more humane working
conditions, which led to the 40-hour work
week, and weekends. Hari points out that we
are faced with massive challenges, like the cli-
mate crisis—and we’re going to need to be able
to pay sustained attention to solving it. One
question he doesn’t address: Will the Attention
Rebellion be planned on social media? If you’re
feeling that your lack of focus is your fault, let
yourself go deep with this book. – SD ●
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April 2022 mindful 71

 point of view
OUR WEB OF
CONNECTION
by BARRY BOYCE, FOUNDING EDITOR
“Independent as a hog on ice.” entities. We depend. Therefore, we’re
That’s one of my favorite expressions enmeshed in an unavoidable web of
from my days working in Washington. interdependence.
It’s a rich image. Yes, the hog is inde- Recently, the power of this
pendent. He’s all by himself. Because interdependency came home to me
nobody is going to come to the aid of vividly when I contracted COVID-19.
a hog flailing around on ice, hurting After having been conservative for
themselves and not helping anybody the first 18 months of the pandemic,
else in the long run. during the fourth wave, I ventured
The image speaks well to the out, traveling to see family, friends,
limitations of overcelebrating colleagues, and clients. And though
independence and raising it to one cannot know for certain where
the highest of virtues, which we exactly the virus entered one’s
see displayed in the cult of the system, it most likely occurred when I
independent genius and personal
freedom at all costs. The belief that
the smartest people in the room are
Movement and gesture clearly affect the nature and quality of
the ones who should run the world our thinking, as does the landscape and soundscape we’re in,
results in parents going to outlandish
and who we do our thinking with and how.
extents to turn their children into
the smartest people in the room. And
the primacy of personal freedom can attended a team-building event where
lead to a kind of toxic individualism no one wore masks, and as it turns out,
that ignores the inevitable communal several people who were unvaccinated
effects of personal choices. (unbeknownst to me) got sick and
In fact, as spread it to a number of other people,
the great Zen likely including me.
m teacher Suzuki
Roshi pointed
When I tested positive, it was one
of the most uncomfortable challenges
out, we have of my life to have to contact the 17
two sides to people I had extended contact with,
PODCAST our nature. let them know I had tested positive,
Real Mindful What he called and advise them to get tested. They
independency were relatives and friends and close
Barry Boyce and dependency. associates, and each of those 17 people
and managing Yes, we are were connected to many other people.
editor Stephanie distinct, as The instantaneous connectedness
Domet dive represented we have with so many other people
deeper. by our name, became immediately and vividly
address, genetic apparent. Abstract to concrete in
mindful.org/ inheritance, a flash. (Fortunately, because of
real-mindful personality the vaccine, I had a mild, almost
traits. Yet we imperceptible case, and none of the
do not exist as people I was with contracted COVID.)
an entity cut off Around the same time that
from all other connectedness was brought home
72 mindful April 2022
to me so tangibly, two mindfulness
teachers separately alerted me to a
book, The Extended Mind, by Annie
Murphy Paul, a work of science
journalism that reports on research
that demonstrates that mind is not
limited to the organ in the head, the
“brainbound” understanding of mind,
in philosopher Andy Clark’s words.
In her book, Paul lays out three ways
the mind extends outward: It is
always embodied, located, and socially
connected. Movement and gesture
clearly affect the nature and quality
of our thinking, as does the landscape
and soundscape we’re situated in,
and who we do our thinking with
and how. Adopting this broader view
has significant implications for how
we adapt and thrive personally and
collectively. It invites us to consider
how our perceiving and thinking mind
is always connected to larger wholes.
It’s worth continually noticing how
the condition of our body and where
we are located have a potent impact on
our ideas, insights, and perspectives—
and mindfulness can help with that.
Beyond that, given the daunting
collective challenges we face, finding
ways to extend our mindfulness
outward to improve how we think as
ILLUSTRATION BY TOM BACHTELL
groups may be vital to our survival. ●
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Barry Boyce is the founding editor of Mindful
and Mindful.org and author of The Mindfulness
Revolution. He has been an avid mindfulness
practitioner for over 40 years.
Find hundreds of mindfulness teachers
and events—virtually or near you!

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