Passive Behaviour

What is it?
- Violating our own rights by failing to express honest feelings, thoughts and
beliefs, therefore allowing others to violate your own rights
- Expressing thoughts and feelings in an apologetic and self-effacing manner,
so much so that others can easily disregard them
- Allowing others to walk all over you like a doormat
- Feeling like you have no control over events
- Not allowing your needs to be as valid as others
- Allowing others to make decisions for you even though you may resent it later
- Feeling helpless, powerless and inhibited

What are you communicating?

- I don’t count, so you can take advantage of me
- My feelings, needs and thoughts are less important than yours, so I’ll put up
with just about anything from you

Aim
To please others and to avoid conflict and unpleasantness at any cost

Characteristics
- Rambling, letting things slide without comment
- Beating about the bush, not saying that you mean
- Apologising unnecessarily and in a soft unsteady voice
- Averting gaze, backing off from others and slouched shoulders
- Laughing when expressing anger
- Using phrases such as “if it wouldn’t be too much trouble” and “but do
whatever you want”

Secondary Gains
- You are praised for being selfless
- You are rarely blamed if things go wrong
- Others will protect you and look after you
- You’re able to avoid, postpone or hide the conflict that you fear

The Price You Pay

- Others often make unreasonable demands on you
- If you’ve allowed a relationship to develop in a way that you don’t like, then
shifting the pattern becomes more difficult
- You restrict yourself from this and its consequences
- Your needs are left unmet, ultimately resulting in resentment and unhappiness

August 2015