Assertive Behaviour

What is it?
- Standing up for your personal rights
- Expressing your thoughts, feelings, needs and beliefs in an open and honest
manner whilst still respecting others’ rights
- Acting without undue anxiety or guilt
- Respecting yourself and others while taking responsibility for your actions and
choices
- Recognising what you need and subsequently asking openly and directly for it
- If a request is refused, there may be a feeling of sadness, disappointment or
inconvenience, but the self-concept in not shattered
- Not being over-reliant on the approval of others

What are you communicating?

- This is what I think, this is how I feel
- This is how I see the situation, how about you?
- If our needs conflict, I am ready to look at our differences and compromise
- I won’t allow you to take advantage of me
- I won’t attack who you are or what you need, feel, think or believe

Aim
To communicate clearly, adult to adult

Characteristics
- Receptive listening, relaxed voice, direct eye contact
- Open and balanced body posture and appropriate volume of voice
- Being responsible for our feelings and owning them
- Asking for the other person’s thoughts, feelings and beliefs
- Using the ‘I Statements’ (“I think…”, “I feel…”, “I would like…”)

Secondary Gains
- Your self-esteem will be higher if you are able to communicate your feelings,
rights, opinions and belief
- Communicating your rights and needs means you have a greater chance of
achieving your goals
- Expressing your ‘negative’ feelings at the time they happen means that
resentment is not allowed to build up
- Less miscommunication and misunderstandings in relationships with others

The Price You Pay

- People may sabotage your newly developed assertion
- This may be challenging your beliefs and values that you have held since
childhood
- It can be both challenging and scary
- No one can guarantee a positive outcome – it is not about winning!

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August 2015