Sit-Talk – Dyad Style

Person A: 10 min each Person B:

1. Asks the question: 3. Keeps the time (7 mins), shares from

How is your inner experience since you the heart.
are on this program? What helps you Eyes open or closed.
to stay self-connected?
2. Listens silently. Eyes open.
Heart wide open.
No interacting. Offering full bodied
presence.

After 7 min

4. Gives feedback of the essence (3 min) 5. Adds to what is important to be

of what was heard (not of the story). reflected or new insights.
Can be dialogue.
Switch

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 “Nothing that happened in the past
can keep us from being fully in the present moment.”
Eckhart Tolle

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 Trauma keeps us from being in the Now
“Although theoretically true, this (Tolle’s) orientation can be hurtful to
those who have experienced trauma … which includes most of us to
differing degrees.” Dr. Laurence Heller
Amy is running the show.

Thinking, logical brain

Emotional brain Source: www.havening.org

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 Mind Emotion Loop

Quelle: Unbekannt

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“It could be that Developmental Trauma
is the hidden epidemic of our time.”
Bessel van der Kolk

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What can be done?
• -> Limbic system treatment is needed. To change that deeper part of the brain. To reset the
automatic fear, fight, flight responses.
• The great challenge is to build up the front part of your brain and the part of your rational self, to
be in charge, to notice things without reacting AND for your limbic system to effectively warn you
of danger, not put you into automatic action and to learn to calm that down.
• The core issue is learning to observe yourself, to be curious about yourself, to see what is going on
in yourself. So eventually, you can say to yourself, I can take care of myself, no matter how bad I
feel right now.
• To repartent yourself and build up this part of the brain is through spending time with yourself, by
noticing yourself. If you want to deal with somatic stress turn of TV, to turn off all the noises, learn
to be quiet and to tolerate your own presence.
• Mindfulness is only helpful when it is followed by self-compassion and self-acceptance!
• instead of shaming and blaming oneself.

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How to feel safe and calm in the body
Be in sync with each other / Heart coherence - > Community, Dyads
Move together -> Walk Talk
Dancing together -> Chakra Dance, 5 Rhythm
Singing together -> activating the vagus nerve, humming

https://youtu.be/Oe2oNYpn8Nw

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 NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM)
Connection Attunement
Prenatal – 6 Mt 6 – 24 Mt
Capacity to be in touch with our body Capacity to attune to our needs and
and our emotions. emotions. Capacity to recognize, reach
Capacity to be in connection with out for, and take in physical and
others. emotional nourishment.
Strategies to protect the relationship with care givers
Children give up their very sense of Foreclosing the awareness and
existence, disconnect, and attempt to expression of personal needs. Children
become invisible. give up their own needs in order to
focus on the needs of others,
particularly the needs of the parents.
Adaptive Survival Style – Core Difficulties
Disconnected from physical and Difficulty knowing what we need.
emotional self. Difficulty in relating to Feeling our needs do not deserve to be
others. met. Fear of being rejected when
expressing our needs.
Become the care givers.
Source: Laurence Heller: Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship
Autonomy
2-4 years
Capacity to set appropriate boundaries.
Capacity to say no and set limits.
Capacity to speak our mind without
guilt or fear
Foreclosing authentic expression,
responding with what they think is
expected of them. Children give up
direct expressions of independence in
order not to feel abandoned or crushed.
Feeling burdened and pressured.
Difficulty saying no directly and setting
limits.
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 Connection Attunement Autonomy

Moving towards Resolution

Focusing on positive resources, focusing
on what works well in life.
Recognize when disconnection and
when connection happens
Grounding and feeling.
The challenge is to learn how to attune
to our own needs, to express them
appropriately, and to tolerate more
charge, fulfillment, expansion, and
aliveness.
Let go of compulsive caretaking and find
more fulfilling ways of meeting our own
needs.
Acknowledge of old grief and loss as
part of the growth process.
Renounce goal-orientation
I am ok, even when doing nothing!
Listen to all sides of the internal struggle
Stop being the “good boy” or “nice girl”
as an attempt to control
Courage to being frank, honest and
forthright in close relationships and
allow the response to be as it will.
Allow intimacy while remaining in touch
with ones own independence

Source: Laurence Heller: Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship

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Your practice for week 5
• Connect with your soul buddy for the
week.
• Relisten to the Tolle Meditation.
• Practice: Sit or Walk Talk
• Do a happy dance! 💃🕺

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