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Essay Draft

Navdeep kaur

Capilano University

Prof. Dean

English - 100

15 march 2023

Essay Draft
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Introduction

Social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, with millions of people

around the world using platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat to

communicate, connect, and share information. While social media has many benefits, there is

growing concern about its impact on mental health. While social media can connect people

across the globe and provide valuable information and support, it can also contribute to

anxiety, depression, cyberbullying, loneliness, addiction, and the spread of misinformation. It

is important for individuals to be aware of these potential impacts and to take steps to protect

their mental health when using social media. This includes setting limits on social media use,

being mindful of the content consumed, and seeking support when needed. Therefore, this

essay will examine some of the negative impacts of social media use to mental health

including the variables that determine whether social media use is good or bad to mental

health and the steps that can be adopted to reduce the adverse effects associated with social

media use to mental health.

Body

Paragraph 1

A growing body of research is looking into how social media use affects mental

health outcomes. The following are some arguments in favor of and against social media's

detrimental effects on mental health:

For:

Heavy social media use is linked to an increased risk of developing depressive and

anxious symptoms, according to a number of research.

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Decreased well-being: According to research, social media users typically have lower

levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and self-esteem.

Social media use can be addictive, and addiction to social media can have detrimental

impacts on mental health, according to some data.

Paragraph 2

Against:

Social media use can have both beneficial and negative consequences on mental

health, according to studies. But social media use can also have positive effects. Social

media, for instance, can offer a sense of community and support to those dealing with mental

health concerns.

The key is moderation: Some researches have shown that social media use in

moderation might really improve mental health.

Mixed results: While some studies have discovered compelling evidence of social

media's detrimental effects on mental health, others have found more ambiguous conclusions.

Paragraph 3

Many factors can affect whether social media use has a beneficial or negative impact,

making the relationship between the two extremely complicated. Some factors that might be

significant include:

Use frequency and duration: Abuse of social media might increase the chance of

detrimental effects on mental health.

Reading uplifting, enlightening, and positive content can have a positive impact,

whereas consuming hostile, divisive, or negative content might cause unpleasant feelings.
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Social support: social media can be a source of emotional support, but it can also

make people feel lonely and socially isolated. Outside of social media, strong social support

may help to reduce harmful consequences.

Age: Because they are still forming their sense of self and establishing their social

abilities, adolescents and young adults may be more susceptible to adverse effects on their

mental health.

Preexisting mental illnesses: Those who already suffer from mental illnesses may be

more vulnerable to the damaging consequences of social media use.

User behavior: Active participation, such as publishing and communicating with

others, may have different benefits than passive consumption of content.

Comparisons: When people compare their lives to those of others on social media, it

can lead to feelings of envy, inadequacy, and self-doubt.

Paragraph 4

There are a number of reasons why social media may have an adverse effect on

mental health, including: Social comparison: The ability to compare one's life to that of

others is made possible by social media platforms, which can cause feelings of inadequacy,

anxiety, and melancholy.

Cyberbullying: Bullying and harassment can be made possible via social media,

which can have a major negative impact on mental health, especially among young people.

Unrealistic Expectations: The false expectations that social media can foster in people

on life, love, and beauty can lead to low self-esteem, body dissatisfaction, and other mental

health problems.
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Isolation: Despite the name "social," excessive usage of social media can result in

feelings of loneliness, social isolation, and a break from interpersonal connections in real life.

Addiction: Social networking sites are made to be compulsive, and the constant desire

to check for updates and notifications can result in a negative connection with technology.

Paragraph 5

Some actions that can help mitigate any negative effects that social media may have

on mental health include:

Limit your use of social media: Limiting your use of social media might help you

avoid harmful content and spend more time doing things that are good for your mental health,

such exercising, interacting with loved ones, and indulging in hobbies.

Follow positive accounts: Promoting positive content on social media, such as healthy

living, mental health awareness, and self-care, can help create a more upbeat and pleasant

environment.

Be careful what you post: Being cautious about what you post on social media might

assist to lessen the possibility of unfavorable comments or retaliation. A more positive social

media experience can also be enhanced by sharing uplifting and relevant information.

Watch your online interactions: Avoid participating in bad or toxic chats by keeping

an eye on them. Take into account unfollowing or muting accounts that support harmful

information or actions.

Frequently taking a break from social media can assist to lower stress, anxiety, and

emotions of social comparison. You could choose to delete social media apps temporarily or

take a day break from using social media.

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Conclusion

Overall, the link between social media use and mental health is complex and

multidimensional, even while there is some evidence to suggest that social media can have a

negative impact on mental health. To fully comprehend how social media affects mental

health and to establish strategies for utilizing social media in ways that support mental health

and wellbeing, more research is required.

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Bibliography

"The Effects of Social Media on Mental Health - Penn Medicine Lancaster General Health."

1 Sept. 2021, www.lancastergeneralhealth.org/health-hub-home/2021/september/the-

effects-of-social-media-on-mental-health.

Singh, Pratima, et al. "Mental health problems and impact on youth minds during the

COVID-19 outbreak: Cross-sectional (RED-COVID) survey." Social Health and

Behavior, vol. 3, no. 3, 2020, p. 83.

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Feedback Checklist
(CUT and PASTE this checklist into your partner’s Word Doc, after their Works Cited
page, and then fill it out!)

First Impressions

Does this paper adhere to the required MLA format? If not, let them know. Keep the CapU
MLA guide open so you can double-check the work. Remember that you can also work
into/from the Research Paper Sample Template (download it here). MLA includes:

- Double spaced
- 12-point font
- Times New Roman font
- First line of each paragraph is indented (tab button)
- Works Cited page at the end (on its own page) that adheres to proper
formatting guidelines [not completely necessary at this stage for just the
introduction, but you will need it for the full draft!]
- Correctly formatted in-text citations included for paraphrasing AND direct
citation

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No. This paper needs to make revisions in order to fit the MLA guidelines.

Does this paper respond to the assignment as you understand it? (Does the central
argument clearly relate to – and offer a counternarrative in response to – a primary text?)

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No

If not, let them know! This paper is not meant to discuss a general topic. You cannot simply
bring in a primary text or other course texts as examples. The paper itself must be about
some form of counternarrative to your chosen primary text.
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Introduction

Does the essay introduce all primary texts in the introductory paragraph?

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Does the essay seem to have a primary text (see assignment guidelines) that they will
analyze as the basis for their argument? Remember: the term “primary text” does not refer to
a resource you agree with and quote from a lot. The primary text is the cultural object you
are analyzing. A text that you bring in as a research resource is called a secondary source.

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Does the intro paragraph define the key terms and (historical, cultural, or social) context
needed to set up the thesis statement?

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

If they define key terms, which terms do they explain?

______________________________________________________________________

If the thesis is one that compares 2 texts, is it clear, from the thesis, why it is important to
consider these texts together?
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􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Does this essay have a clear (approx.1-2 sentence) thesis statement within the
introduction?

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Identify the thesis statement. What is it? (Copy here or underline/highlight it on the draft for
reference.)

. Therefore, this essay will examine some of the negative impacts of social media use

to mental health including the variables that determine whether social media use is good or

bad to mental health and the steps that can be adopted to reduce the adverse effects associated

with social media use to mental health.

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Is this thesis statement presented in the form of a question?

􀀀 Yes (If so, flag it so they can fix it. The thesis should not be a question; it is a claim, or
the answer that came out of their research question.)

􀀀 No, the thesis is presented as a statement.

Is the thesis clearly stated at the outset, at the end of the first paragraph, or is their claim
deferred until some point later in the paper? (For example: A deferred thesis is where
someone says “I will compare ___ and ___” or “I will consider ____” but then doesn’t tell
you, in the thesis, which conclusion they have reached as a result of that comparison.)

􀀀 Yes, the thesis is clearly stated in the introduction.

􀀀 No, this paper still has a deferred thesis. (Fix this!)

Is their thesis too wide for the scope of this paper (does it make a big claim about a
phenomenon, a seemingly universal topic, or an undetermined group?) If so, flag it for them.

􀀀 Yes, it’s wide. (Fix this!)

􀀀 No, the thesis narrows to a specific text, group, country, age group, or case study

If the thesis is quite wide for the scope of this (short) paper, what are some ways they might
be able to narrow it? What’s some smaller angle they might choose within this topic?

It is not short it is good

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Is their thesis arguable? (Could a reasonable and intelligent reader, who is familiar with the
same texts or issues, reasonably disagree with this claim? If so: good! Keep in mind: A yes
or no question isn’t arguable, and neither is a statement of fact, an obvious claim, or an
observation. The thesis should be narrow and arguable.)

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Does this thesis offer a reasonable counterargument for the argument or type of represented
outlined in the primary text? How could the thesis be more convincing? Help your partner try
to identify the holes in their central premise so they can then anticipate and fill them.

What do you think were the most successful or interesting aspects of this essay topic or
approach so far? What did the author do that drew you in, what worked well, or what did you
like best about this introduction?
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Introduction and the explanation of the essay is very Interesting

Body Paragraphs

Does each body paragraph have a clear topic sentence? (If not, make note of which ones
could use some work in your track comments.

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Does the author include clear transitions to show how or why they are moving from one
paragraph or idea to the next?

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

What kinds of transitions do they use? Highlight or make not of all the transition words they
use and ask: Are they numbering their transitions in a kind of arbitrary list (firstly, secondly,
thirdly) or do they show why they move from one idea or paragraph to the next? Is it clear
how each new idea builds on or responds to what came before? Explain:

_____________________________
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Which paragraph (or paragraphs) would benefit from more evidence?

___all paragraphs provide evident information__________________________

Are quotations integrated smoothly into the author’s own sentences, or are they dropped in
on their own as separate sentences? (Help them out by showing them citations that stand
alone; these should be integrated into the flow of their writing. Note these on the draft in the
track comments)

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Are sources (paraphrasing and quotation) cited correctly and using the chosen (MLA)
format? If you notice a trend, use track comments to point to some common errors on the
draft so they can go in and fix them.

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

What kinds of sources do they bring in to support their claims? Are these reliable sources?
Why or why not? Have you come across other sources that might be useful to them? (Note:
Every paper must make use of at least 4 academic peer-reviewed sources. Does this
paper fill that requirement?)

No
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Is it clear how each paragraph ties back to (serves to support) the paper’s thesis? If there is
something in there and you are not sure how it relates to that main argument, let them know
in your track comments.

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Are these paragraphs presented in the best possible order? Does the argument build from
one paragraph to the next, or are the ideas thrown out interchangeably? (How would it
change the argument if the paragraphs were moved around?)

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No. You might move these ones around:

______________________________________________________________________

One of the essential ways that we can build careful, logical, and convincing arguments in
response to a primary text is by looking closely at the primary text itself. Does this paper
include at least 2-3 examples of original close reading of the primary text, where the
writer pays attention not just to plot or theme, but also spends time analysing details like
word choice, sentence structure, perspective, composition, and/or literary devices? (If they
do include analysis, are they doing some of this close reading themselves, or do they always
rely on the words and ideas of other people who analyze the text for them?)

􀀀 Yes, this paper includes a number of extended moments of close reading and unique
analysis. I can see how the author is engaging with and pulling out specific details from the
work as evidence to support their thesis
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􀀀 Yes, this paper includes close reading and analysis, but the author is relying very heavily
on analyses performed by other people – I don’t see enough of their own close reading in
this essay. (This is a good start, but it requires more of your own analysis!)

􀀀 No, this paper has not paid any attention to close reading. Their argument would benefit
from more attention to the specific details of their primary text(s). (Close reading and detailed
analysis are a key requirement for this assignment! Go in and revise with this requirement in
mind!)

Conclusion

Does the conclusion remind us why the topic is significant and tie the discussion together in
a way that satisfies the promise they made in the introduction (the thesis)?

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)

Does the conclusion feel complete? Do you have any suggestions about how they might
strengthen it?

􀀀 Yes
􀀀 No (Fix this!)
_it can be more strengthen
___________________________________________________________________

Did you find their argument or central claim convincing? Why or why not? (Remember: It is
possible to personally disagree with their thesis while still acknowledging that they offered a
clear, logical, and well supported argument.)

􀀀 Yes
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􀀀 No, there are still some gaps in the argument. Suggestions:

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________