JANET

INT:      Okay, this interview is about friendships development in adults. So just

relax as all the questions will generally revolve around friendship topics.
Are you okay with  this? 

JN:        Yes, I am. 

INT:      Okay, as you can see the audio recorder is on. Is that okay with you?

JN:        Yeah, that's fine.

INT:      Yeah, um... the study is qualitative research study. And the study has
been approved by the university psychology department ethics committee
at module level. 

JN:      Okay. 

INT:      So, just so you know, you can stop the interview at any point in case you
don't feel like going on with it (JN: mmhm), are you happy to do that? 

JN:      Yea. That's fine.

INT:    Okay, and you can withdraw your data from the study in case you change
your mind after the interview. (JN:Yes) Okay. So you are happy we
proceed (JN: mmhm). And as I told you, we are going to be discussing
friendship. So, can you tell me about your friends and what they mean to
you?

JN:      My friends are uhm I've...they are a very important part of my life. And I
value friendship. Though I don't have many at this point in time. And em I
have...I have had good em, I've built great memories from the er previous
er friends and relationships. Yeah.

INT:    Okay, you said em now that you don’t have em much friends, why is that?

JN:      Em I think it could be down to like, right now I'm extremely busy. Em but I
still do find times to get in touch with em with friends. (INT: ok) Em but not
many of them not like it used to be. When I was in secondary school, I had
loads of friends. But I was especially closer to about three girls when I was
in secondary school. So, it was a fun time. That time and in my university
days, I made a lot of friends as well. But em I think finishing uni em some
people have gone to different places. Some people have even moved
countries. But right now, on this em I mean em at this point, because I'm
still a student, I still have so few friends that I really value.

INT:      Has er distance or does distance affect your friendships?

JN:      Em I will say yes and no. Yes. Because we cannot see physically with
some some of my friends. They're quite. They're living in other countries,
but we can get in touch on I mean the through social media, like
Facebook, we do WhatsApp. And we do phone calls, texts. But em it's not
as fun as actually seen each other face to face. So, I will say in a bit in a
way it has affected the friendship uh that I've that I have with some people,

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but the people that are near to me er it has not affected us because we
can still see. Yeah.

INT:    Okay, so what you're saying is that em, perhaps em the distance has
moved the friendships from being from friendships to acquaintanceship.
Can I say that?

JN:      Em Yeah, in a way you can. But not everybody em some people are still
well, I’m still close to them. I see er them all the time and value their
friendship, except for the ones that lives I mean, in another country or in
another state, stuff like that.

INT:      Okay, you've just said you value friendships. What is your expectation in a
friendship?

JN:      I em my first emm rule, to maintaining friendship with someone is Trust, I

must be able to trust them, em not that they not that I'm not expecting that
maybe sometimes, you know they can there can be lapses. But it
shouldn't be a big one that I will feel that they are jeopardising my well
being, or it shouldn't be a big lapse. So but I do value trust er sincerity er
yeah, I want my, my friends to be congruent, to be genuine with me. Yeah.

INT:    Okay. Have you ever been let down by a friend?

JN:      Er Yes yeah. em I think one of it was a friend I had just, ah I think that was
just before I went to uni em she lied to me, she em was there was a guy
who was actually interested in her. And then she said em he smells, em is
not it's not handsome, is not my type, is said a lot of things. And I said
everything she's em mentioned was physical. But the guy is actually very
nice to her. And he will buy her gifts and all that. And then she still kept
telling me that she wasn't interested in the guy. So only to find out that she
was actually intimate with the guy. And the relationship was ongoing. So,
when I asked her about it, she got really irated and she got really, really
aggressive. And she threatened to physically attacked me. So that was
one time that I felt really let down by a friend. And mind you that was eh
that was the last time we spoke, that friendship ended just like that.

INT:    Ookay, and you? Have you ever let a friend down?

JN:      Em not to the best of my knowledge. I think what people will count as me
letting them down will be that if you're my friend and I've lost trust in you, I
will normally be polite and let you know that. I'm no longer interested in
being friends with you. So sometimes I may just stop picking the calls or
replying the text or acknowledging the…the posts on social media, stuff
like that. Like that, you will know that well, I've moved on. And eh that's
only happened to me like once or twice. I don't normally do that to people.
I don't like letting people down. I can go em as far as possible with
anyone. As long as I'm not being taken for granted.

INT:      Okay. Em, how do you see yourself? like em, do you see yourself as a
friendly person? Like em somebody that can...Do you make friends
easily?

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JN:      Yeah, I think I'm a bit loud (laughs) ah when I'm somewhere, and em I pick
up conversations easily. Em yeah, I like chatting.  like talking to people. I
like people. So, it's not difficult for me to make friends. Em yeah, I do
make I like making friends. But not close close friends. Only a few people
are very close to me. 

INT:  Okay. Friends you have now, um are they from your school days?

JN:    Em very, very few of them. The ones from my school days are mainly
online. I speak to them online. em I think there's only one lady that we
went to university together that she's still my friend right now. Mind you,
I'm on a... I'm on... I'm on a different course right now I'm doing Masters
(INT: ok) So yea, so she, she's not on my programme but she's remained
my friend. We went to the u...er...arr, wh... when I was doing my degree,
we went to the university together.

INT:    Okay, so the drifting apart with your friendship, with your friends, what do
you think? em, is it the distance or are there other things that caused it?

JN:      Em the distance and em if I feel that they're not making efforts, if I'm the
one making the efforts to keep the friendship going, I can get discouraged.
I don't like, em I... I…I don’t like depending on people. I'm free-spirited. So,
if someone don't want to be with me, then I don't want to be with them. So,
I don't foster friendship. So, if...even if we're er far apart, I feel that we can
still communicate through social media.            Um, because sometimes I
do travel back home, and then I meet my friends...em, yeah. And we, we
tend to like catch up on things. And I still feel em very happy whenever I
see them (INT: ok).

INT:  Um, talking about social media, do you have friends online?

JN:    Yeah, my friends, especially the ones I made from em secondary school,
college and my during, when I was doing my first degree, my time in the
university. Em because then I've moved away. I've moved a lot. They too,
some of them have moved, er some are in America, some are er in
Australia. Some are even in Canada, so people have like migrated to
different countries. So, I think we're in different season in our lives that
everybody's just gone to different places.

INT:  So, em does that mean em you don't have friends now?

JN:    I don't have a lot. I don't have a lot of friends. I still do have university
friend right now on my course. And em I have friends that are from when I
was working. Yeah.

INT:    Okay, like your friends, the ones you drifted apart? How is he going to like
work out when you people meet physically? How is it going to be like,
what will play out?

JN:    I think it's the only, it's going to be very exciting. Em I've met em I've met
a few of them in the past. And it was quite exciting. We're able to like

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recount our school days and em I could see that we truly missed each
other, em It was a great experience anytime i...i travel back home and I
see them so it's going to be good if I           can go again and see them
again.

INT:  Ok so from, I think I'm understanding that right now you don't have somebody
or maybe a group that you call your best friends with you now?

JN:    I do have a brea...best friend em but I don't know how to actually em, this time
around, we are a bit mature is not like the type of best friend you have when
you're in primary school or secondary school. This time around we're... we're
growing,...growing up we're we're more mature. We know what we want from the
friendship, yea I still do have...em a best friend.

INT:  Okay. You value the friendship?

JN:    Yes.

INT:    That's good. What qualities do you look for in friends?

JN:      Em like I said earlier on, I like friends who are, who can like, encourage me to
be better. Em I like friends who are truthful, they are honest, em that I can trust,
that they're reliable. Not, I don't like friends that gossips that will find stuff about
me, go tell somebody else and then find stuff about somebody else and come
back to tell me. I don't keep those friends. I don't like people like that. 

INT:    Okay, how do you feel about friends for life?

JN:      I think it's a great idea because that will be er a strength, that you're able to keep
a friend for all your life. So, which I'm intending on doing I like keeping people by
my side. I've, I mean, I've known people that they've been my friends almost all
my life. So yeah, I think friends for life is good, is a great idea. If you're
fortunate enough to meet someone to make friends with that they can be your
best friend for all your life.

INT:  Ok, now, um having few friends, does it affect you? Like, are you missing? Like
the kind of friends you've had in the university, the kind of relationships you keep
with your friends, with the friends you have now?

JN:      Actually, I'm... I'm very busy. So I, I still do appreciate the friends that I have,
though not as many as I used to when I was in secondary school, college and
my first degree, em I don't have as much friends, em but that...that could be
because I don't have so much time um on my hands to be everywhere like it used
to be. We used to be everywhere painting the town red (laughs). So yeah, I think
I just have about enough. But then when I look at my activities on social media, it
sometimes feels like I have hundreds of friends. Because I can just put
something online, and then I'll get liked, em get nice comments. So those type of
people are viewed them as friends as well. So, I still feel like I'm a lot of friends.
But not physically. That's true social media. But the physical ones, they're not as
many as it used to be.

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INT:    Okay, do you feel that friendship satisfaction? Like when you interact with
your friends on social media? Is it the same feeling as when you still interact with
your real friends like life? 

JN:      I think it's almost the same, but seeing people physically is a lot better. Okay,
because there's some things you may want to say that you cannot say it on
social media. But when you see your friend physically, you're able to tell them
things. So, I think for me, it feels like having friends in different worlds. One World
is social media. The other world is physic...physical. So yeah, that's...that's how I
say it.

INT:   Okay, so social media helps you not to miss your friends.

JN:      Em Yeah, definitely. Because that means I can still (coughs) catch up with stuff.
I can still speak to them, relate, and share ideas. Em the only difference is that
we cannot go out together like if I need to go on a night out.  Em the...my friends
on social media cannot come with me. And some friends on social media were
just em platonic friends, they don't know everything about me, em but they know
a lot, but not everything.

INT:  Okay, do you? Do you sometimes make efforts to try to see your
friends, especially the ones that are, may be far away from you? Do you make
efforts? 
(JN: Yeah), you organise, like maybe, just a meeting, you know what I mean?

JN:  Yeah, a couple of years ago, we did have a get-together em when I

travelled back home, so I... before I left, I already put it on social media that I'm
going to be coming down. So, I got a few of my friends to inform other people that
we went to secondary school together. So, we have this old school party, like
all schoolmates’ party that we all came together because we have now
like diversified, were in different parts of the world, doing different things,
some people are still back home, but we're able to, I mean, as many as possible,
we were able to come together. And, you know, we're able to like, relate, and
talk about our experiences have been in the last few years.

INT:  Okay, that's interesting. So generally, are you happy with em, are you happy
with the way things are now with you and your friends?

JN:  Yeah. Em, the good part of it is that if even the people that were here with me,
we still do communicate through social media. So, we're able to keep in touch
every day, even when we cannot see. So, it's like, we're still, you know, things are
still going on. We're still good friends. Em yeah, that's how I see we're still going
on with our friendship.

INT:      Do I say, that's friends for life?

JN:  Yeah. Because (laughs) we could have like, em gone different ways, if not for the
ability to still be able to communicate through the social media but we're
still friends.

INT:  Okay, so what's your general view about, what's your general about
friends? Having friends around?

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JN:  Em, it’s a good thing. is great, em especially when you need em companion when
you need people to talk to, em when you need assistance, or one thing or the
other, when you need help to achieve something. Yeah. Is...is, I... I
think friendship is a necessity in life, because em when you have friends, they
keep you accountable. You've got people to share, to bounce ideas with. You're
not just by yourself em, you’re not lonely, it friendship can help you not to be
depressed. My friends helped me not to be depressed, because I get to speak to
them when I have things bothering me. So, I don't have to carry the body by
myself.

INT:  Okay, I think that will be it. Thank you for your time. I will stop the recording now.
Is that okay with you?

JN:  Yeah, that's fine. Thank you very much. It's nice talking to you (INT:
Thanks) Thank you.  bye

INT:  Bye.