Week 1: Lesson #1: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay C. Gibson is a self-help book that explores
the impact of growing up with emotionally immature parents and how it can affect a person's adult life.
The book begins by defining emotional immaturity and describing its various forms, including emotional
neglect, emotional inconsistency, and emotional volatility.

The author then explores how emotionally immature parents can negatively impact their children,
leading to issues such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and difficulty forming healthy
relationships. This lesson will explore the unique challenges faced by adult children of emotionally
immature parents.

Let’s begin our lesson by digging deeper into defining emotional immaturity and describing its various
forms. Take a moment to reflect on two key ideas that will set the tone for our lesson:

1. Emotional immaturity can manifest in various forms: The first chapter discusses the different
ways that emotional immaturity can manifest in parents, including emotional neglect,
inconsistency, and volatility. Reflecting on this idea can help individuals identify patterns of
behavior in their own parents that may have affected their emotional development.

2. Emotionally immature parents often use manipulation and guilt to control their children: The
second chapter discusses how emotionally immature parents may use manipulative tactics to
control their children, such as making them feel guilty for expressing their emotions or setting
unrealistic expectations. Reflecting on this idea can help individuals recognize patterns of
manipulation in their own upbringing and learn to set healthy boundaries.

How Emotionally Immature Parents Affect Their Adult Children’s Lives

Lindsay C. Gibson defines emotional immaturity and discusses its various forms, including
emotional neglect, inconsistency, and volatility.
Gibson explains that emotionally immature parents may struggle to regulate their own
emotions and may not provide their children with the emotional support and guidance they
need. As a result, children of emotionally immature parents may struggle with emotional
regulation, have difficulty expressing themselves, and experience anxiety and depression.
The chapter also explores the impact that growing up with emotionally immature parents can
have on a person's adult life. Individuals who grew up with emotionally immature parents may
struggle with low self-esteem, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and a lack of emotional
awareness and regulation. The author emphasizes that understanding the impact of emotional
immaturity on one's childhood can be a crucial first step towards healing and growth in
adulthood.
As Gibson writes:
"When the children of emotionally immature parents grow up, the core emptiness remains,
even if they have a superficially normal adult life." (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature
Parents, 2)

And so the next logical questions becomes…

How do we recognize the Emotionally Immature Parent?

Gibson discusses how emotionally immature parents may struggle with emotional boundaries,
leading them to rely on their children for emotional support and validation. This can result in
children feeling responsible for their parents' emotions and unable to express their own needs
and feelings.
"Most signs of emotional immaturity are beyond a person’s control, and most emotionally
immature parents have no awareness of how they’ve affected their children." (Adult Children of
Emotionally Immature Parents, 25)

Into the book: Turn to Chapter 2, page 30 the section titled, “Personality Traits Associated
with Emotional Immaturity” and reflect on the following questions: Did you ever feel like you
had to parent your own parent or caregiver? In what ways did you take on this role? How did
it impact your relationship with your parent or caregiver, as well as your own sense of self?
Reflect on how the experience of parent role reversal may have impacted your own ability to
form healthy relationships as an adult. Are there any patterns or tendencies you've noticed in
your romantic or interpersonal relationships that may be linked to this experience? How can
you work to overcome these patterns and develop healthier relationship dynamics?
Students should complete a journaling exercise in their notebooks in which they reflect on
their own experiences with emotionally immature parents. They can consider the ways in
which it has impacted them and how they have coped with these effects.
Take some time to journal about the following questions:
In what ways did your parents show emotional immaturity when you were growing up?
How did their behavior impact your emotional development and relationships?
What coping mechanisms did you develop as a result of your parents' emotional immaturity?
To complete our first lesson for “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents”, take a few
moments to watch this short video of a podcast with Dr. Lindsay Gibson. The video will provide
insight and understanding of how to free ourselves from the emotional chaos and confusion
that often accompanies our childhood experiences.

(timecode: 13:57-16:59)