Structure:

QP + plan of the essay

Solution 1 + supporting sentence + example
Solution 2 + supporting sentence + example
Convincing statement

Surplus of population becomes a main problem for many big urban centres around the world, such
as: Tokyo in Japan, New York in United States of America, or Delhi in India. That problem will trigger
negative consequences: increasing of unemployment, degradation of environment, high poverty
rate, growth of slum area, and many more. The main causalities that create overpopulation in the big
urban centres is disparity, which means a condition where we can acquire more facilities and
conveniences in this area rather than the outskirt (kayanya kalimat ini tidak perlu). Here, I will discuss
the causalities (ini salah arti kayanya) and explain some alternative solutions.

First, there are more job opportunities in the big urban centres rather than suburban areas as it
becomes perfect place for many companies build up their business. This condition will attract more
people from suburban moving to the central area although they might live in the dense or slum area.
(solution?)

Second, availability of public services and facilities more reachable if we live in the city centre rather
than other areas. We can locate many schools near our resident and pick out the good one for our
children in accordance with our preference and financial capability. Furthermore, if we or our
families are not in a good shape, or get an accident, we can find nearest health centre easily. Then,
we can buy many daily needs from grocery store that scattered in various locations.

Moreover, the existence of public services is also supported by adequate infrastructure

development, for instance train or bus lines. In Jakarta, we can conveniently move from central
business district to shopping centre or stadium using MRT or busway with affordable price.

Next, we should discover how to clear this problem after spelling out the reasons. As the discussion
before, the main cause is disparity so action plan is urgently required to minimalize the gap.
Government can contribute greatly in problem solving through acceleration of infrastructure
construction and public services provision. This acceleration development will have enormous
impact for society well-being through increasing of life expectancy and declining of poverty rate.
Besides that, easier accessibility to suburban areas will interest the private sectors to develop their
business. In subsequently, many job vacancies will emerge. Especially, when government can
enhance incentives for this private sectors, as if expedite permit processing, then they will really
consider to extend their business. (Tidak ada closing?)
Modifikasi:

Surplus of population becomes a main problem for many big urban centres around the world, such
as: Tokyo in Japan, New York in United States of America, or Delhi in India. That problem will trigger
negative consequences: increasing of unemployment, degradation of environment, high poverty
rate, growth of slum area, and many more. The main causalities that create overpopulation in the big
urban centres is disparity, which means a condition where we can acquire more facilities and
conveniences in this area rather than the outskirt. Here, I will discuss the cause and explain some
alternative solutions.

First, there are more job opportunities in the big urban centres rather than suburban areas as it
becomes perfect place for many companies build up their business. This condition is perfect for
people who seek for elevation, opportunity, and better paycheque. Consequently, urban area will
attract more people from suburban moving to the central area although they might start with living
in the dense or slum area.

Second, availability of public services and facilities are (grammar?) more reachable if we live in the
city centre rather than other areas. We can locate many schools near our resident and pick out the
good one for our children in accordance with our preference and financial capability. Furthermore
(sepertinya kurang pas karena harusnya ini bentuk follow up dari kalimat sebelum ini), if we or our
families are not in a good shape, or get an accident, we can find nearest health centre easily. Then
(linking word yang kurang akurat), we can buy many daily needs from grocery store that scattered in
various locations.

Moreover, the existence of public services is also supported by adequate infrastructure

development, for instance train or bus lines. In Jakarta, we can conveniently move from central
business district to shopping centre or stadium using MRT or busway with affordable price (sudah
terlalu banyak kalimatnya, paragraph ini bisa diganti dengan “with good public transport…….bla bla
bla”.

Next, we should discover how to clear this problem after spelling out the reasons. As the discussion
before, the main cause is disparity so action plan is urgently required to minimalize the gap.
Government can contribute greatly in problem solving through acceleration of infrastructure
construction and public services provision. This acceleration development will have enormous
impact for society well-being through increasing of life expectancy and declining of poverty rate.
Besides that, easier accessibility to suburban areas will interest the private sectors to develop their
business. In subsequently, many job vacancies will emerge. Especially, when government can
enhance incentives for this private sectors, as if expedite permit processing, then they will really
consider to extend their business. (terlalu panjang dan tanpa closing)

Here the government play a significant role for the solution. They can create new business centre
with a good accessibility in relatively suburban area. With incentives such as tax reduction, the
company will accept the new location without sacrificing their competitiveness. It is also the
government’s tasks to provide an accessible healthcare or public school in all areas, regardless it is
urban or suburban. I believe with a good implementation, the disparity of population can be solved.