Random shit

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I’m growing to fast kinda scared i can’t believe I’m 18 I still feel 16 bro it’s hard

July19
Is it fair that i want my father to change but I’m not willing to be the daughter he wants
I’m just tired of repeating the same exact shit but nothing changes it’s killing me slowly. If i had
the chance to change him i wouldn’t hesitate

July21
I should stop liking ppl n getting attached easily it hurts hurts so much asasa I don’t want to be
attached to someone at all im so fucking tired of getting hurt all the time either it’s my
overthinking or it’ because the other person .I just want to protect my feelings I just can’t I tried
so bad but nothing changed idk y i rely on ppl to make happy n shit all they do is make my life
miserable wtf
N i be wondering be like is it to much what I’m asking it’s not a miracle I’m jealous off ppl alot
who dont have to go through the shit I have been ik everybody got their own problems but my
heart actually hurts it feels like someone pressing n grabbing my heart thus is kinda fuck up
whoever i feel safe when I’m at my lowest or sad or im feeling my heart about to be ripped apart
cus I’m used to for years I struggle with it so it’s familiar another thing i hate feeling happy cus ik
u would never escape this so what’s the point ok i go out have fun keeping myself busy but at the
end im coming home n that’s y i hate coming back home n dont let me forget abt baba being mad
at my cus i was late bro it’s 12:30 n he has to repeat the same old shit over n over but uk what
shocked me ‫ٮﺼﻪ‬-‫"ڡ"ٮﻚ ﻟﻬﺬا اﻟﻮ"ڡﺖ اﻟﻤ"ٮﺎ(ﺣﺮ ا(ٮﺎ ﻣﺎ اﺷﻮ(ڡﻚ ر(ﺣ‬- ‫ﻦ ﻋ(ٮﺪ ﺻﺪٮ‬- ‫ٮﺼﻪ وٮ""ڡﻌﺪٮ‬-‫ٮﻦ (ٮ(ڡﺴﻚ ر(ﺣ‬-‫"ڡﺎل اذا ا(ٮﱵ ٮ"ﺸﻮ(ڡ‬
‫ٮﺎٮ"ﻚ‬I‫ٮﻦ (ٮ(ڡﺴﻚ ﻋﲆ ﺻﺤ‬-‫"ڡول ﻻٮ"ﺮﻣ‬- ‫ﻢ ٮ‬- ‫ وداٮ‬it’s just hurts y would he say that I’m stuck between loving him
cus he’s my dad n hating him for all the shit the he done n the reason I don’t believe n scared to
get married it’s because off him i just can’t I rather be alone than to be with someone like him i
just don’t trust men it’s fuck up I always say it didn’t effect me but bro i feel every guys would
end up like him i just lost hope n still i want to be loved as I child i received love from by family I
don’t think i was neglected idont remember but y now i need to be loved by everyone n I love
pleasing ppl I just can’t stop even tho it’s hurts .the r alot of stuff that hurt me but I still keep
doing it I just want to turn off my humanity just like in tvd take a break from my emotions that
would be so nice .