University of Santo Tomas

Notes on Legal Writing

Changing adjectives into nouns

Faulty:
We appreciate that everyone was eager enough to achieve the requirements for the project. (14
words)
Better:
We appreciate everyone’s eagerness to achieve the requirements for the project. (11 words)

Faulty:
Her characteristic of being attentive helped in the resolution of the case. (12 words)
Better:
Her attentiveness helped in the resolution of the case. (9 words)
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Changing adjectives into adverbs
Faulty:
She entered the classroom in a way that is polite. (10 words)
Better:
She entered the classroom politely. (5 words)

Faulty:
The toddler greeted his parents in an enthusiastic manner. (9 words)
Better:
The toddler greeted his parents enthusiastically. (6 words)
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Changing verbs into nouns (use gerunds)
Faulty:
They say having notes taken will help me in my studies. (11 words)
Better:
They say note-taking will help me in my studies. (9 words)
Faulty:
Having constantly improved is essential for a student to survive in school. (12 words)
Better:
Constantly improving is essential for a student to survive in school. (11 words)
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Using the infinitive phrase instead of a clause beginning with “that” or “so that”
Faulty:
Sleep early so that you can wake up early. (9 words)
Better:
Sleep early to wake up early. (6 words)

Faulty:
Please mind the instructions so that you can avoid problems in the exam. (13 words)
Better:
Please mind the instructions to avoid problems in the exam. (10 words)
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Removing words like “who was” or “which is” in relative clauses
Faulty:
Garcia, who was the chairperson of the board of canvassers, committed an election offense. (14
words)
Better:
Garcia, the board of canvassers’ chairperson, committed an election offense. (10 words)

Faulty:
The waiter told them that grilled beef, which is the bestseller of the restaurant, was not
available. (17 words)
Better:
The waiter told them that grilled beef, the restaurant’s bestseller, was not available. (13 words)
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Using a prepositional phrase instead of an adverbial phrase to start a sentence
Faulty:
On a daily basis, the supervisors shuffle the assignments of their employees. (12 words)
Better:
Every day, the supervisors shuffle the assignments of their employees. (10 words)

Faulty:
At a more than average speed, the ball pierced through the window. (12 words)
Better:
With great speed, the ball pierced through the window. (9 words)
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Using a single adjective to do the work of a phrase
A person who can quickly find a way to overcome difficulties – A resourceful person
A work of art – An artwork
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Keep the subject and the predicate closely together.
Faulty:
Flooded with cases to read is the student.
Better:
The student is flooded with cases to read.

Faulty:
Organizing the program for the children are the students of the faculty.
Better:
The students of the faculty are organizing the program for the children.
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Express your thoughts in affirmative, not negative sentences.
Faulty:
The witness is not uncertain of the identity of the offender.
Better:
The witness is certain of the identity of the offender.

Faulty:
The Court is not undoubtful of the testimony of the accused.
Better:
The Court is doubtful of the testimony of the accused.
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Avoid beginning or ending a sentence with weak or relatively unimportant words.
Faulty:
As far as I know, the mother of the victim asked him to testify against the accused.
Better:
The mother of the victim asked him to testify against the accused.

Faulty:
From what I can remember, the case tackled judicial legislation.
Better:
The case tackled judicial legislation.