Qadar

People tend to feel that they were not belong, and I myself also felt that I’m not belong, Do
you feel that you belong? I hope So.

Growing Up I have been always a kid who’s very competitive in everything, either
academically or extra curricular activities I joined almost everything during my grade school years
hoping to find that perfect place for me where I can excel but the version of me changes through the
years to the point that I’ve asked myself, is this the right path to that bright future that I’ve been
dreaming? Or am I just exploring things to find that right path?.

Mindanao State University had always been my dream University, and being part of it is a big
opportunity, closer to my dream course which is not my course today. I face a lot of challenges
including letting go of that that course that I expect myself to have, during the enrollment period I
really did my best just to be accepted in the College of Health and Sciences and I was hoping and
praying that may Allah grant my greatest desire so I took the Qualifying Examination and hoping that I
will be one of those lucky passers. It may sounds funny but, yes, I really expected a lot because I feel
like it’s where I belong. After waiting for three days, finally the result was out, I open the CHS page
and look for my name on the list of passers, but to my disappointment I did not found my name. I was
hurt, disappointed and heartbroken, but then later on I’ve realize that it was not my Qadar.

I tried to enroll in Biology Department, closer to my dream course, I was one of those
students who was in the waiting list, and again destiny was not on my side. Yet, I did not lose my
hope, I tried again to enroll in the College of Education Major in Science, which is also closer to my
dream course. I was so happy at the same time felt nervous when I enter in the Secondary Office
department where the interviewee was, and after the interviewee scan my credentials I heard the
most painful words in my entire existence here in MSU “ sorry but, we are not accepting BSN rejected.
Just try to enroll in there other department”. After hearing those words, I really wanted to cry
because of frustration, I don’t know where to go and I literally felt lost that time. The feeling was
overwhelming with emptiness, you were alone, and you were not acquainted with anyone, I felt lost,
hurt, frustrated and disappointed, but there was still this little hope inside me, then I stood up,
breathe in and out and push myself harder. After the three rejection I have received at that time,
finally there was this department open their door for me and without any hesitation I grabbed the
opportunity, without even knowing what will awaits for me when I get upon choosing that path, I was
accepted in the Department of Secondary Education, Major in Social Studies which is my course today
that is way too far from my dream course.

Honestly speaking, I enjoy pursuing this course it was very interesting and the people here
are all amazing, I get to learn new things and mingle with all of you but I always feel like I’m not
belong here and I always feel unsatisfied no matter how hard I tried to fit in, I just can’t, it is hard and
draining to push yourself to like something that you don’t. I envy those students wearing the all white
uniform and would walk proudly here in the campus, I am proud of them for being able to make it but
at the same time it always crashed my heart because I didn’t make it but that doesn’t mean it’s too
late to make it. I always see myself in that white uniform, studying things about treating people, help
those who are sick and being in the hospital working is just a so comforting to my inner self, a place
where I belong.

The rejection and failures that I’ve been through here in MSU makes me braver and fiercer.
This version of myself made me realized that if you don’t have a door to that opportunity then build
one. I’ve learned from those experience that I could be something out of nothing. Thus, my advice to
you my dear listeners, don’t let failure stop you from doing something that you really want, because
that failure will surely make you the better version of yourself.