00:00 Thanks for watching!

感谢您的观看！
00:17 Every single one of us here today knows something about families. 今天我
们每个人都对家庭有所了解。
00:23 Every one of us is someone's child, therefore has experienced parenting.
我们每个人都是别人的孩子，因此都经历过养育。
00:30 Some of us are parents and have our own children. 我们中的一些人是父母并且有自
己的孩子。
00:34 I have four. 我有四个。
00:35 As human beings, we are all familiar with expectations. 作为人类，我们都熟悉
期望。
00:41 Expectations laid on us to succeed in life, expectations at work to deliver,
to be effective, to know, not fail. 人们对生活的期望是成功，对工作的期望是实现目标、高效、了
解而不是失败。
00:53 The for parents to juggle personal and professional life. 父母可以兼顾个人生活
和职业生活。
00:58 Eat healthy food, prepare our children healthy meals every day, participate
in sports, read books every night, and excel at work at the same time. 吃健康的食物，
每天为孩子准备健康的膳食，参加运动，每晚读书，同时在工作中表现出色。
01:10 Today, you have expectations for me. 今天，你们对我充满期待。
01:16 to reveal something new, to tell a secret of parenting you have not known
before. 揭示一些新的东西，讲述一个你以前不知道的育儿秘密。
01:22 You have those expectations. 你有这些期望。
01:25 I have been an educator for 20 years. 我从事教育工作已有 20 年了。
01:28 A for 15 years. A 15 年。
01:30 Two master degrees, one page D, running 15 preschools in Latvia, Three
schools, author of parenting books. 两个硕士学位，一页 D，在拉脱维亚经营 15 所幼儿园，三所学校，
育儿书籍的作者。
01:40 I bet this room is filled with thoughts, hopes, duties, and tasks. 我敢打
赌这个房间充满了想法、希望、责任和任务。
01:48 It's like a raindrop getting bigger, bigger, and bigger before it falls.
就像雨滴在落下之前变得越来越大、越来越大。
01:55 And what do we do? 我们该怎么办？
01:58 Without noticing, we transfer all these expectations that we have on our
children. 不知不觉中，我们把所有这些期望都转移到了孩子身上。
02:06 When I was opening my first preschool, 当我开办第一所幼儿园时
02:09 I was introducing a new concept of contextual education to parents, training
new teachers, and assembling IKEA furniture at the same time. 我向家长介绍情境教育
的新概念，培训新教师，同时组装宜家家具。
02:19 On one really hot summer day on a campus a prospective family was being
walked around and they asked whose girl was roaming around,在一个非常炎热的夏日，在校园
里，一个未来的家庭被牵着走，他们问谁的女孩在四处闲逛，
02:30 the one in winter boots and a plastic princess dress. 穿着冬靴和塑料公主裙的人。
02:37 that I was the irresponsible mother because in Lithuania we have expectations
for how children 我是一个不负责任的母亲，因为在立陶宛，我们对孩子们的期望
02:43 should look and behave and she was not meeting any of those. 应该看起来和行
为，但她没有满足其中任何一个。
02:50 It takes guts to be accepted of who your child is, to be at peace. 接受你
的孩子是谁并保持平静需要勇气。
02:58 to let go. 放手。
03:01 But I also have moments that don't make me proud of myself.但我也有一些不让我为
自己感到骄傲的时刻。
03:06 My daughter is seven and she loves to polish her nails. 我女儿七岁了，她喜欢
擦指甲。
03:10 During the spring break, she had them polished and forgot to remove her.
春假期间，她把它们擦亮了，却忘了把她摘下来。
03:14 move it after I've asked her to do so. 在我要求她这样做之后才移动它。
03:17 Being the busy mother I am, 作为忙碌的妈妈，
03:19 I did not follow through and there it was the end of the break in the morning
and my youngest with a nail polish. 我没有坚持到底，早上休息结束了，我最小的孩子涂了指甲油。
03:27 I got upset since we were on our way through the door and I had no time to
remove it. 我很沮丧，因为我们正在进门的路上，我没有时间把它取下来。
03:34 I said I was disappointed. 我说我很失望。
03:36 I said I was angry. 我说我很生气。
03:39 On the way to school, she sat in the back in the car, and instead of being
the happy girl, she is. 在去学校的路上，她坐在车的后座，她不是一个快乐的女孩，而是一个快乐的女
孩。
03:48 She was quiet. 她很安静。
03:50 She was not excited to go back to school. 她对回到学校并不兴奋。
03:53 She greeted her teacher, and I saw she had her fingers turned inwards. 她向老
师打招呼，我看到她的手指向内翻。
03:59 She was so conscious about her nails. 她对自己的指甲非常在意。
04:03 And I felt a stab in my heart. 我的心被刺了一下。
04:07 Why did I do this? 我为什么要这样做？
04:10 I did not do this because of her. 我不是因为她才这么做的。
04:14 I did this because I was concerned and conscious of what the others will
think of me, credentials, education and all. 我这样做是因为我关心并意识到其他人会怎么看
我、资历、教育等等。
04:26 Just recently, I canceled a mother who was cooking three different dishes for
her three children every day. 就在最近，我取消了一位每天为三个孩子做三道不同菜肴的母亲的订单。
04:34 She did not enjoy it. 她不喜欢这样。
04:36 She was exhausted and she felt an appreciation. 她很疲惫，但她感到很感激。
04:39 I told her to stop. 我告诉她停下来。
04:41 Just stop it. 停下来吧。
04:43 It's been two weeks. 已经两周了。
04:44 She cooks one meal for everyone. 她为每个人煮一顿饭。
04:47 Her children are still alive. 她的孩子们还活着。
04:51 She is much happier, both as a mother and as a human being.无论作为母亲还是作为
人，她都幸福得多。
04:57 And it took so little, make a big change. 只需要很少的时间，就可以做出很大的改变。
05:01 The paradox is that more than anything in our lives we want our children to
be happy. 矛盾的是，我们最希望我们的孩子快乐，这是我们生活中最重要的事情。
05:09 We fear judgment. 我们害怕评判。
05:11 We fear disappointment. 我们害怕失望。
05:14 We fear failure so much that we have become constantly worried. 我们非常害怕失
败，以至于我们变得不断担心。
05:19 and stressed as parents. 以及作为父母的压力。
05:22 Today we expect a kindergarten student to do what elementary students were
doing just a decade ago. 今天，我们期望幼儿园学生做十年前小学生所做的事情。
05:29 On one hand, 一方面，
05:31 we know that a child's brain undergoes an amazing period of development
between zero and three, producing 700 neuro-connections every second, 700. 我们知
道，孩子的大脑在零到三岁之间经历了一个惊人的发育时期，每秒产生 700 个神经连接，700 个。
05:46 We want to load this amazing speed train fully. 我们想要满载这列惊人的高速列车。
05:50 Can anyone blame us? 有人能责怪我们吗？
05:53 However, we forget one thing. 然而，我们忘记了一件事。
05:55 Neuroscientists have also found that chronic stress triggers long-term
changes in brain structure and function. 神经科学家还发现，慢性压力会引发大脑结构和功能的长
期变化。
06:06 Children who are exposed to chronic stress are prone to mental problems such
as anxiety, 长期处于压力下的儿童容易出现焦虑、焦虑等精神问题。
06:12 depression, and mood disorders later in life as well as learning to 抑郁症
和晚年情绪障碍以及学习
06:18 Famous psychologist Lea Vigotsky was the first to talk about the zone of
proximal development. 著名心理学家 Lea Vigotsky 是第一个谈论最近发展区的人。
06:26 Children learn best when they're in the zone where tasks are not too easy and
not too hard. 当孩子处于任务不太容易也不太困难的区域时，他们学得最好。
06:34 hard, where the goals are achievable with grit, determination, and passion.
艰苦，只要有勇气、决心和热情就可以实现目标。
06:42 How can we make sure we and our children are in that zone? 我们怎样才能确保我们
和我们的孩子处于这个区域？
06:48 How to achieve that balance where the magic of joyful learning happens?
如何实现快乐学习的平衡？
06:55 I think I was approximately seven years old, and my family and I were skiing
in Georgia. 我想我大约七岁，我和我的家人在佐治亚州滑雪。
07:04 We got up the mountain out there, and there on the very top was a huge storm.
我们上了山，山顶上正刮着一场巨大的风暴。
07:12 I completely froze and refused to ski down. 我完全愣住了，拒绝滑雪下去。
07:17 My father tried to persuade me. 我父亲试图说服我。
07:19 but there was no way I was going to ski down in a storm like this, so he told
me to close my eyes. 但我不可能在这样的暴风雨中滑下去，所以他让我闭上眼睛。
07:28 He placed me between his legs and we ski down together. 他把我放在他的两腿之
间，我们一起滑雪下来。
07:35 He could have made me. 他本可以创造我。
07:38 He could have shamed me, and yet he chose to be kind. 他本可以羞辱我，但他选择友善。
07:46 And that's what I remember to this day. 这就是我至今所记得的。
07:50 This is my memory of my father and my childhood. 这是我对父亲和童年的记忆。
07:55 and it is my motivation to never give up. 这是我永不放弃的动力。
08:00 This simple question, what kind of memories do I want for my child, keeps me
going, and shoot us all. 这个简单的问题，我想要为我的孩子留下什么样的回忆，让我继续前进，
并拍摄我们所有人。
08:13 At home, schools, everywhere. 家里、学校、任何地方。
08:18 Is our parenting founded on kindness and generosity? 我们的养育方式是否建立在仁慈
和慷慨的基础上？
08:23 Is our parenting founded on criticism and hostility? 我们的养育方式是否建立在批评
和敌意的基础上？
08:29 What is our habit of mind? 我们的思维习惯是什么？
08:33 What are we looking for? 我们在找什么？
08:35 Are we looking for the things we can appreciate? 我们是否在寻找我们可以欣赏的
东西？
08:39 Or are we looking for mistakes? 还是我们在寻找错误？
08:42 Kindness makes our children feel loved. 善良让我们的孩子感受到被爱。
08:48 Not degrees we need. 不是我们需要的学位。
08:50 not our concerns, not the number of after-school activities we take them to
every day or homeworks we check. 不是我们关心的问题，不是我们每天带他们参加的课外活动的数
量或我们检查的家庭作业的数量。
09:01 Kindness. 善良。
09:03 That is our key story and key memory. 这是我们的关键故事和关键记忆。
09:08 Do you remember how many teachers made a difference in your life? 您还记
得有多少位老师对您的生活产生了影响吗？
09:14 One? 一？
09:15 Maybe two. 也许是两个。
09:17 Three? 三？
09:19 Imagine how our world would be different if only three did not make a
profound difference. 想象一下，如果只有三个人不能产生深远的影响，我们的世界将会有何不同。
09:32 Children don't need a stress-free life. 孩子不需要无压力的生活。
09:36 for good stress, such as studying hard and learning new skills, builds
circuitry and more resilient brain. 为了获得良好的压力，例如努力学习和学习新技能，可以建立电
路和更有弹性的大脑。
09:46 But prolonged stress wreaks chaos. 但长期的压力会造成混乱。
09:52 Remember, kindness, everything. 记住，善良，一切。
09:57 And for those already posing a question about encouraging laziness, I answer,
no, it will not encourage this. 对于那些已经提出关于鼓励懒惰的问题的人，我的回答是，不，
它不会鼓励这种行为。
10:07 Human beings are born curious and creative. 人类生来好奇且富有创造力。
10:11 Have you ever seen a one-year-old who gives up on walking. 你见过放弃走路的一岁
孩子吗？
10:20 No. 不。
10:22 They get up as many times as needed, 他们根据需要起床多次，
10:27 no matter how many times they fall, and they do, because they are determined
and they don't fear failure. 无论他们跌倒多少次，他们都会跌倒，因为他们有决心，而且不害怕失败。
10:39 What is failure? 什么是失败？
10:41 I ask parents, why are they so stressed when it comes to parenting? 我问家
长，为什么养育孩子的压力那么大？
10:46 They say they don't want their child to be a failure. 他们说，他们不希望自己的孩子
成为失败者。
10:50 But we impose our understanding of failure of mid-20s, 30s, 40s, whatever to
our father. 但我们把我们对 20 多岁、30 多岁、40 多岁失败的理解强加给我们的父亲。
10:58 They have to enjoy the carelessness of life. 他们必须享受无忧无虑的生活。
11:02 I have recently read a story of a very, 最近读到一个故事，讲的是一个非常
11:04 very talented and young girl who got into Colombia only to have gone missing
one year later. 非常有才华的年轻女孩，进入哥伦比亚一年后就失踪了。
11:12 She felt guilt and anxiety, but she could not go on pressure. 她感到内疚和焦
虑，但她无法承受压力。
11:18 pretending that she wanted to do things that she really didn't. 假装她想做一些
她实际上不想做的事情。
11:22 Both she and her mother felt an enormous stress, and then a great relief when
reunited after the girl had been found. 她和她的母亲都感到巨大的压力，当女孩被发现后重聚时，
她们感到极大的放松。
11:34 It's a story with a happy ending. 这是一个结局皆大欢喜的故事。
11:38 created that will last for life, and even though I might have created an
expectation for a magic trick, I have to disappoint you. 创造了将持续一生的东西，尽管
我可能创造了对魔术的期待，但我不得不让你失望。
11:47 Magic is the memory that we create now. 魔法是我们现在创造的记忆。
11:52 I create memories just like you There is no perfect day or moment to come.
我像你一样创造回忆 没有完美的一天或时刻。
11:59 If we keep waiting for a perfect day to come, it may never come. 如果我们一直等
待完美的一天到来，它可能永远不会到来。
12:05 We will come back to late from work. 我们下班会很晚才回来。
12:08 We will be tired, we will be frustrated, we will be exhausted and angry.
我们会疲倦，我们会沮丧，我们会精疲力尽，我们会愤怒。
12:14 and it may rain when we have planned a perfect walk in the park. 当我们计划在公
园里进行一次完美的散步时，可能会下雨。
12:20 Parenting is spontaneous more than anything else. 养育子女比其他任何事情都更自
发。
12:24 Parenting is about the unexpected moments of bliss that we savour. 为人父
母就是我们享受意想不到的幸福时刻。
12:31 When we decide to run a marathon, we don't run 42 kilometers on our first
try. 当我们决定跑马拉松时，我们第一次尝试时不会跑 42 公里。
12:37 We may run one kilometer or just 500 meters, but just like all big journeys
start with the first step. 我们可能会跑一公里，也可能只是跑 500 米，但就像所有长途旅行都是
从第一步开始一样。
12:48 So does the journey of parenting hug your child, 养育孩子的旅程也是如此，
12:52 smile, bite your tongue when you are It's only a dozen minutes most of us
spend with our children per day. 微笑，闭嘴。我们大多数人每天与孩子相处的时间只有十几分钟。
13:03 Let those minutes count. 让这些分钟算数。
13:05 Let us make those minutes a candidate for the best memory competition, an
experience of unconditional love. 让我们把这些时间作为最佳记忆力竞赛的候选者，一次无条件的
爱的体验。
13:15 Last week I was in Iceland, 上周我在冰岛，
13:17 and at a conference I met a mother who said that she used to want her son to
get the very best grades. 在一次会议上，我遇到了一位母亲，她说她曾经希望她的儿子取得最好的
成绩。
13:24 She also used to tell him that she was too busy to do the things with him
that he wanted and she considered 她还常常告诉他，她太忙了，没有时间和他一起做他想做的事情，
她认为
13:30 were not important, like going for a ride on a tractor that he was asking
her. 并不重要，比如他邀请她去乘坐拖拉机。
13:37 And then she realized that better grades were her expectations, and Tractor
was his. 然后她意识到更好的成绩是她的期望，拖拉机是他的。
13:46 And Tractor right it was. 拖拉机就是这样。
13:48 After a while, his grades improved. 过了一段时间，他的成绩有所提高。
13:52 She told me not about the grades. 她没有告诉我成绩的事。
13:54 She told me about the relationship she has with her son today and how let him
go brought peace into their lives. 她告诉我今天她和儿子的关系，以及让他离开如何给他们的生活
带来平静。
14:05 She was able to create an amazing memory. 她能够创造出令人惊叹的记忆。
14:10 You don't need to not have expectations. 你不需要没有期望。
14:14 Always do your best. 永远全力以赴。
14:17 And when you do your best, do better. 当你尽力而为时，做得更好。
14:21 Children will see it and will live by example. 孩子们会看到这一点，并会以身作则。
14:26 You won't need to say anything. 你不需要说什么。
14:29 But when it comes to them, think about the future. 但当涉及到他们时，请想想未来。
14:34 Think Think 20 years from today. 想想 20 年后的今天。
14:39 What do you want your daughter to remember? 你希望你的女儿记住什么？
14:43 What you want your son to remember? 你希望你的儿子记住什么？
14:48 Teach them to ride a bike, to unsuccessfully bake a cake, and giggle about
it. 教他们骑自行车、烤蛋糕失败，并为此咯咯笑。
14:56 Have a difficult conversation. 进行一次艰难的谈话。
14:59 Laugh today when you have gotten angry yesterday. 昨天生气了，今天就笑吧。
15:04 Forgive, apologize. 原谅，道歉。
15:07 Teach values, whisper, I love you more often than you think you should.
教导价值观，低声说，我比你想象的更爱你。
15:14 And more than you have done before. 而且比你以前做过的还要多。
15:18 Dear create loving memories to last a lifetime. 亲爱的，创造终生难忘的美好回忆。
15:25 I have come to believe it's the one thing worth living for.我开始相信这是值得为
之而活的一件事。
15:30 Thank you. 谢谢。