00:03 Just for a what I'd like you to do is I want you to imagine that you're four

years old. 我想让你做的就是让你想象自己四岁了。

00:08 And you're on the grounds and you're building a tower and you're really proud
of this tower that you're building. 你在场地上建造一座塔，你对你正在建造的这座塔感到非常自豪。
00:13 And in the next minute, 而在下一分钟，
00:15 the comes running along, 一路奔跑而来，
00:17 kicks over your tower, 踢翻你的塔，
00:17 and you are outraged and you feel these feelings bubble inside you of hurt
and panic and frustration and helplessness 你感到愤怒，你感到这些感觉在你内心涌动，充
满伤害、恐慌、沮丧和无助
00:26 and Just in that moment and adult comes in close gets down low and says
honey. 就在那一刻，大人靠近了，低下头说道，亲爱的。
00:33 What happened? 发生了什么？
00:35 And you see in their eyes there's compassion. 你会在他们的眼中看到同情心。
00:37 You that their bodies calm and regulated. 你让他们的身体平静和调节。
00:40 And then all those feelings come barbling out. 然后所有这些感觉都涌了出来。
00:43 Frustration, the anger, the helplessness. 沮丧、愤怒、无助。
00:48 And this adult goes, oh, yeah. 这位成年人说，哦，是的。
00:51 Tell me all about it. 告诉我一切。
00:53 They don't try and fix it. 他们不会尝试修复它。
00:54 They don't say to you, don't worry, you build another one. 他们不会对你说，别担
心，你再建一个。
00:57 They just let you feel, 他们只是让你感觉，
00:58 all that you're feeling and then they open their arms and you snuggle in,
你所感受到的一切，然后他们张开双臂，你依偎在其中，
01:03 take another deep breath and then you feel better and then you get back to
building your tower. 再深吸一口气，然后你感觉好多了，然后你就可以继续建造你的塔了。
01:10 Now I'd like to see if you can remember what it was like when you were four.
现在我想看看你是否还记得你四岁时的情况。
01:15 and perhaps at a time when you felt angry or sad or scared or you didn't
understand what was going on 也许在你感到愤怒、悲伤、害怕或者你不明白发生了什么事的时候
01:21 and how did the adults in your life respond to you? 你生活中的成年人对你有何反应？
01:25 Now if you were lucky the adults in your life would have given you lots of
space to express how you feel to listen to those worries and hurts not 现在，如果你幸
运的话，你生活中的成年人会给你很大的空间来表达你的感受，倾听那些担忧和伤害。
01:33 trying to fix what was going on but for the majority of people we had the
opposite. 试图解决正在发生的事情，但对于大多数人来说，我们的情况恰恰相反。
01:39 which is that we would have been told, 也就是说我们会被告知，
01:41 stopping so stupid, 停止如此愚蠢的行为
01:42 you don't need to cry, 你不需要哭泣
01:43 you might have been sent to your room, 您可能已被送往您的房间，
01:45 to the corner, you might have even been hit for making a Now why am I talking
about children and feelings? 到了角落里，你甚至可能因为做了一个“现在为什么我要谈论孩子和感
情？”而受到打击。
01:52 It's I want to talk about mental health. 我想谈谈心理健康。
01:54 Because our current mental health landscape sees a steady increase in
psychological distress. 因为我们目前的心理健康状况是心理困扰在稳步增加。
02:00 We see that one in eight Australians suffer from some form of anxiety
disorder and one in ten Australians with depression. 我们发现八分之一的澳大利亚人患有某
种形式的焦虑症，十分之一的澳大利亚人患有抑郁症。
02:08 And even though we are doing better at understanding things like mindfulness,
empathy, compassion, resilience and vulnerability. 尽管我们在理解正念、同理心、同情心、
韧性和脆弱性等方面做得更好。
02:16 I see that the increasing rates of distress in adults is deeply rooted in the
imprints 我发现成年人的痛苦率不断上升是深深植根于这些烙印中的
02:23 we received as children around how to express feelings and emotions. 当我们
还是孩子的时候，我们就知道如何表达感受和情绪。
02:28 Now, it would be very easy to blame our parents for what they did or didn't
do, but our 现在，我们很容易责怪我们的父母做了什么或没有做什么，但我们
02:33 parents were doing the best job they knew how. 父母正在尽其所能地做最好的工作。
02:36 They were either doing what was done to them or perhaps they swing so far in
the other 他们要么做了别人对他们做过的事，要么他们在另一个方面摇摆得太远了
02:40 direction so I'm going to do it the exact opposite. 方向，所以我要做完全相反的事
情。
02:43 I see that the issue lies really in the lack of emotional literacy that we
have in our culture. 我认为问题实际上在于我们文化中缺乏情感素养。
02:49 We don't teach parents how to respond to children's feelings and emotions
with empathy and compassion. 我们不教父母如何以同理心和同情心来回应孩子的感受和情绪。
02:54 We don't teach it in our kindergartens, we teach it in our schools. 我们不
在幼儿园教它，我们在学校教它。
02:59 Somehow we still value IQ far more than we value EQ. 不知何故，我们对智商的重视仍
然远远超过对情商的重视。
03:05 I wonder if from the beginning we were told that childhood defines adult
mental health, 我想知道我们是否从一开始就被告知童年定义了成人的心理健康，
03:12 whether we would take greater care to nurture a child's soul. 我们是否会更加
关心培养孩子的灵魂。
03:18 Now, my work over the last 16 years with families around attachment and
trauma and connection 现在，我在过去 16 年中与家庭一起围绕依恋、创伤和联系进行工作
03:23 has shown me that there's usually three ways that we learn as kids to deal
with fear. 告诉我，我们小时候通常可以通过三种方法来学习应对恐惧。
03:28 The first one is repression, 第一个是镇压，
03:32 which means that as a child, 这意味着作为一个孩子，
03:33 if you learnt that it wasn't safe to express your feelings,如果你知道表达你的感
受是不安全的
03:36 perhaps you got shut down, you were told to stop crying, perhaps you were
given a look that made you draw everything inside. 也许你被关闭了，你被告知不要哭泣，
也许你被给予了一个让你把一切都吸引进去的眼神。
03:45 Then you were going to have to find a way to cope with all those feelings and
emotions, 然后你必须找到一种方法来应对所有这些感受和情绪，
03:48 and from most people they learned to repress them. 他们从大多数人身上学会了压抑
自己的情绪。
03:51 They pushed them down deep, most of the times they disassociated. 他们把
他们深深地压下去，大多数时候他们都脱离了联系。
03:55 Now the impact of that on a child is that those feelings stay there and then
as adults those feelings can turn up again. 现在，这对孩子的影响是，这些感觉会留在那里，
然后作为成年人，这些感觉可能会再次出现。
04:03 When life throws us a curveball that's got similar themes to stuff that
happen when we were a kid, those same feelings come up. 当生活给我们带来一个与我们小
时候发生的事情有相似主题的曲线球时，同样的感觉就会出现。
04:10 But this time our repression mechanisms look like this. 但这一次我们的镇压机
制是这样的。
04:13 They look like another glass of wine that we drink. 它们看起来就像我们喝的另一杯
酒。
04:15 They look like ours mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. 他们看起来就像我们一
样漫不经心地浏览 Facebook。
04:19 Or they look like making yourself so, so busy at work that you don't actually
have time to feel. 或者他们看起来让自己工作如此忙碌，以至于你实际上没有时间去感受。
04:26 The other thing that we might learn to do is move into aggression, 我们可
能要学会的另一件事是变得具有攻击性，
04:30 which means that as a child if we felt really powerless, 这意味着当我们还是个
孩子的时候，如果我们真的感到无能为力，
04:33 if we felt scared, 如果我们感到害怕，
04:35 if we grew up in an authoritarian environment where we didn't have a voice
where we couldn't say how we felt, 如果我们在一个独裁环境中长大，我们没有发言权，无法表达自
己的感受，
04:40 then those feelings again would bubble inside us and at the point where they
would tip over when we often felt frightened or threatened,然后这些感觉会再次在我们内心
冒泡，当我们经常感到害怕或受到威胁时，它们就会翻倒，
04:46 they would come out in aggression, 他们会表现出侵略性，
04:48 in rage, 愤怒中，
04:49 in loud words, 用响亮的话来说，
04:50 and sometimes you might have been labelled as naughty, too much or trouble,
when really all you were doing was responding to your environment. 有时，你可能会
被贴上调皮、太过分或麻烦的标签，而实际上你所做的只是对环境做出反应。
04:59 And then as adults, 然后作为成年人，
05:01 those aggression tendencies turn up in bullying behaviour, they turn up in
harsh critical thought about ourselves and others, they turn up as violence. 这些攻
击倾向表现为欺凌行为，表现为对自己和他人的严厉批判性思考，表现为暴力。
05:13 Then the third thing that we learn to do is experience. 那么我们学会做的第三
件事就是经验。
05:17 which means that if we grew up with an imprint that said, feelings are
welcome, it's okay for you to express how you are. 这意味着，如果我们在成长过程中带有
“欢迎感受”的烙印，那么你就可以表达自己的感受。
05:24 I will accept all of you, the happy bits, the sad bits, the joyous bits, the
bits that are angry. 我会接受你们的一切，快乐的，悲伤的，快乐的，愤怒的。
05:31 All of you is welcome. 欢迎大家。
05:32 I'm not going to try and fix. 我不会尝试修复。
05:34 I'm just going to hold. 我只是要坚持下去。
05:36 Well then what happens is adults when things feel We reach for our journal,
write down our thoughts. 那么，当成年人感觉到事情发生时，会发生什么我们伸手去拿日记，写下
我们的想法。
05:42 We call a friend and say, hey, can you listen to me? 我们打电话给朋友说，嘿，你能
听我说吗？
05:46 We go for a run, 我们去跑步，
05:47 we do some yoga, 我们做一些瑜伽，
05:48 we speak to our therapist, and we find a way to lean into the feelings, we
feel them, and then we let them go. 我们与治疗师交谈，找到一种方法来深入感受这些感觉，感受它
们，然后释放它们。
05:57 Now, I am a mum to three big beautiful teenagers and when I first became a
parent, like I'm 现在，我是三个漂亮青少年的妈妈，当我第一次成为父母时，就像我一样
06:03 sure many of you here as a first-time parent, 肯定你们中的许多人都是第一次当父母，
06:05 you have absolutely no clue what you're doing and when it came to
understanding feelings and emotions, 你完全不知道自己在做什么，也不知道如何理解感受和情
绪，
06:09 my game plan was going to be I'll just keep them happy all the time, right?
我的游戏计划是我要让他们一直开心，对吗？
06:14 Because really easy to keep kids happy all the time. 因为让孩子一直保持快乐真的很
容易。
06:17 And as any of you know who have kids, that's a thing to do.你们都知道谁有孩子，
这是一件必须做的事情。
06:21 It is impossible, it's ridiculous and it's incredibly exhausting trying to
keep people happy all the time. 这是不可能的，这是荒谬的，而且试图让人们一直保持快乐是令
人难以置信的疲惫。
06:27 So I learnt pretty soon that that wasn't actually going to work. 所以我很快就知
道这实际上行不通。
06:30 And I needed to find a way to help my children thrive emotionally and also
create harmony in our homes. 我需要找到一种方法来帮助我的孩子们在情感上茁壮成长，并在我们的家
庭中创造和谐。
06:37 So I was lucky enough to understand and study trauma, 所以我很幸运能够理解和研究创
伤，
06:39 and I began to see that what we need as humans is a safe place to unpack all
of who we are. 我开始意识到，作为人类，我们需要的是一个安全的地方来释放我们的全部身份。
06:46 We need boundaries and holding, but we also need empathy and compassion for
all those big feelings that rise within. 我们需要界限和包容，但我们也需要对内心升起的所有强
烈感受的同理心和同情心。
06:55 So instead of trying to fix my kids' 所以与其试图修复我的孩子
06:56 problems, instead of trying to make them happy all the time, I just got down
low and I said, tell me off about it. 遇到问题时，我没有一直试图让他们开心，而是低调地说，
告诉我吧。
07:02 And I just listened. 我只是听着。
07:05 Sometimes it was tears, sometimes it was rage. 有时是泪水，有时是愤怒。
07:08 There's lot of complaining that happened. 发生了很多抱怨。
07:11 But every time my only job was to sit there and just hold for them. 但每次
我唯一的工作就是坐在那里等他们。
07:15 And what I began to see was this incredible emotional intelligence developing
in my children. 我开始看到我的孩子们正在发展这种令人难以置信的情商。
07:21 Now I think the time where I realised that this was incredibly powerful was
one 现在我想我意识到这非常强大的时候是
07:27 evening when I was making dinner I had to go and teach in a class so I'm
doing the hustle that 晚上，当我做晚饭时，我必须去上课，所以我正在忙着
07:32 most parents do where you're trying to make dinner quickly because I'm about
to get out the door. 大多数父母都会这样做，因为我要出门了，所以你要尽快做晚饭。
07:36 And my youngest daughter who was five at the time comes into the kitchen and
she's looking 我最小的女儿当时五岁，走进厨房，她看着
07:40 no happy and I could see that she's got some feelings on board and I'm like
ah I've got to 不高兴，我看得出来她有一些感情，我想啊，我必须这么做
07:45 do the dinner I've got to get out the door and I actually turned to her and
said honey do 吃晚饭了，我得出门了，我实际上转向她说，亲爱的，做吧
07:50 you think you could hold on to your feelings for a few hours? 你觉得你能把自
己的感情坚持几个小时吗？
07:54 Which of course as you can imagine she just looked at me like are you
kidding? 当然，你可以想象她只是看着我，就像你在开玩笑吗？
07:59 And then at that moment, 然后就在那一刻，
08:00 my middle daughter, 我的二女儿，
08:02 who was 10, 谁 10 岁，
08:03 walked into the room and she said, 走进房间，她说：
08:05 I'll listen to her feelings and I'm like, 我会倾听她的感受，我会说，
08:08 okay, so my 10-year-old takes the five-year-old into the bedroom and I'm
thinking, I'm going to be late for work, I need to see what happens 好吧，我 10 岁
的孩子带着 5 岁的孩子走进卧室，我在想，我上班要迟到了，我需要看看会发生什么
08:14 here. 这里。
08:15 And standing outside the door and this is what I'm hearing.站在门外，这就是我听
到的。
08:20 tell me all about it. 告诉我一切。
08:22 And then the five-year-old starts crying and she starts complaining about all
the things that had happened at Kinder and the ten-year 然后五岁的孩子开始哭泣，她开
始抱怨在金德和十年间发生的所有事情
08:27 -old's going, oh that's hard. -老了，哦，这很难。
08:30 What else? 还有什么？
08:32 And then there's more complaining and then there's more tears and then
there's giggles and then there's laughs. 然后有更多的抱怨，然后有更多的眼泪，然后是咯咯地笑，
然后是大笑。
08:37 And then they come out of the room and I see my 10-year-old and I say to her,
然后他们走出房间，我看到我 10 岁的孩子，我对她说，
08:41 honey, how was that for you? 亲爱的，你感觉怎么样？
08:43 And she looked at me and she said, well mama, I just did to her what you do
for me. 她看着我说，好吧，妈妈，我只是对她做了你为我做的事。
08:49 And in that moment I realized children cannot be what they can't see. 在那一
刻，我意识到孩子们不可能成为他们看不到的人。
08:55 How do we expect children to have empathy and compassion for other people if
we don't show them how? 如果我们不向孩子们展示如何做到这一点，我们如何期望孩子们能够对他人产生
同理心和同情心呢？
09:00 How do we expect them to treat others with kindness and respect if they don't
know what that feels like in their own bodies? 如果他们不知道自己身体的感觉如何，我们如何
期望他们以友善和尊重的态度对待他人？
09:08 See I wonder what it would be like if we actually supported parents with
tools and understanding to listen compassionately to their children. 我想知道，如果
我们真正为父母提供工具和理解，以富有同情心地倾听孩子的心声，那会是什么样子。
09:18 I wonder what it would be like if we actually helped parents unpack their own
childhood 我想知道如果我们真的帮助父母解开他们自己的童年会是什么样子
09:23 so that they don't have to carry that baggage and put it on their children's
shoulders. 这样他们就不必背着这个包袱，把它放在孩子的肩上。
09:28 I wonder what it would be like if we supported and encouraged boys to cry and
be vulnerable. 我想知道如果我们支持并鼓励男孩哭泣并变得脆弱，会是什么样子。
09:34 And we encourage girls to rage and find their voice and speak up for what
they need. 我们鼓励女孩们发泄愤怒，发出自己的声音，为她们的需要大声疾呼。
09:41 And I wonder if instead of harsh disciplines and punishments, 我想知道是否可
以用严厉的纪律和惩罚来代替
09:44 we replaced it with compassionate listening, loving limits, boundaries, and
we learned to look behind the behaviour. 我们用富有同情心的倾听、充满爱的限制和界限取而代之，
并且我们学会了审视行为背后的原因。
09:52 There is always a reason behind the behaviour. 行为背后总是有原因的。
09:56 And I wonder what it would look like if we took all of that and we placed it
in our education system. 我想知道如果我们把所有这些都放在我们的教育系统中会是什么样子。
10:05 So it's because of those ideas that Around about 18 months ago, a colleague
and I set out to create Woodline Primary School. 正是因为这些想法，大约 18 个月前，
我和一位同事开始创建 Woodline 小学。
10:14 A primary school set in the Geelong Hinterland on a beautiful farm with
abundant nature. 一所小学位于吉朗腹地一个美丽的农场，拥有丰富的自然风光。
10:18 We have horses and chooks and veggie patches. 我们有马、鸡和蔬菜地。
10:22 And the philosophy of our school is around fostering emotional well-being in
a safe learning environment. 我们学校的理念是在安全的学习环境中培养情感健康。
10:29 So research actually shows that when children feel safe to learn, 所以研
究实际上表明当孩子们感到安全地学习时
10:32 which means they feel free of judgment and criticism, 这意味着他们感觉不受评判和批
评，
10:35 when they're treated with kindness and respect, 当他们受到善意和尊重时
10:37 where they have autonomy over their bodies and their learning and they are
given much love and celebration about the unique differences in who they 在那里，
他们对自己的身体和学习拥有自主权，他们对自己的独特差异给予了很多爱和庆祝。
10:47 are, then what happens is their neurological systems become fully operational
and their capacity for growth and learning incredibly. 是，那么他们的神经系统就会完
全发挥作用，并且他们的成长和学习能力令人难以置信。
10:55 So, our aim at Woodline is when children spend time with us at our school,
not only do they 因此，我们 Woodline 的目标是让孩子们在学校与我们共度时光，他们不仅
11:01 learn about the world, 了解世界，
11:02 but they develop critical life skills, 但他们培养了关键的生活技能，
11:04 such as emotional intelligence, 比如情商，
11:06 growth mindset, 成长心态，
11:07 critical thinking, a love of failure, because every time you fail you just
realise, oh, this is so many more options I haven't yet explored. 批判性思维，对
失败的热爱，因为每次失败时你都会意识到，哦，还有很多我还没有探索过的选择。
11:15 And more than anything, they learn to become compassionate citizens of the
Earth. 最重要的是，他们学会成为富有同情心的地球公民。
11:21 We believe that if we support children's emotional well-being, then learning
becomes effortless and infinite. 我们相信，如果我们支持孩子的情感健康，那么学习就会变得轻
松且无限。
11:31 The great Sir Ken Robinson said that the aims of education is to understand
the world around us and understand the world within us. 伟大的肯·罗宾逊爵士说过，教
育的目的是了解我们周围的世界，了解我们内心的世界。
11:39 But what if we prioritize the world within, then surely the world around us
would make so much more sense? 但如果我们优先考虑内部世界，那么我们周围的世界肯定会更有
意义吗？
11:49 How well, how different could the world 世界多么美好，多么不同啊