Glue me back

Insert 1
"I do"
Whistles and cheers burst through the
church walls they get up and clap as the
two love birds sealed it off with a kiss the
kiss looks passionate with the corner of
my eye I see my mom halulating I turn my
head and look at her, at how proud she is
of her daughter getting married she's the
first to get married in our family the first to
bring cows in the family and my father
couldn't be prouder. My aunt pulls me up
to stand and be cheerful as them through
my tears I give her a weak smile she
brushes my arm with a sad smile and turn
back to the in love couple who's adored
by everyone.
The couple lead the way out I quickly wipe
my tears and follow the family as they
step out to wait for them outside, mother
gives me a side eye and shakes her head
in disappointment I look down and walk
out holding my belly that will soon start
showing fear creep in as I think of what
people will say.
I push the thoughts aside and try to fake
happiness but this gotta be the most
painful thing to occur in my life I try to take
it as a phase I'll soon pass a hill I'll soon
get over God will make my journey
smooth. The newly married couple comes
out and they're showered with flowers my
heavily pregnant sister has the biggest
smile she looks happy but I just can't be
happy for her or with her. Our eyes meet
his smile vanishes as we keep the eye
contact up my sight gets blurry as tears
build up I quickly look away as my head
starts spinning I hold on to it and move
away from the cheerful crowd. Sobs start
escaping my lips as I carry on walking
away this is definitely the dreadful day of
my life absolutely nothing could ever
make up for this, I take a turn that leads
me to the parking lot with loud sobs I lean
next to a car and slid down.
I can't seem to control the sobs coming
out of my mouth nor can I take the broken
heart away I feel pain coming from my
abdomen I take deep breaths I can't afford
to lose my baby I've lost everything I can't
lose him too.
"Star? Star?"
I quickly wipe my tears and get up from
the ground its my brother
Him:"Hey erh the parents are looking for
you?"
I clear my throat
Me:"Oh"
Him:"Are you okay?"
Tears immediately build up again
Me:"I don't feel good"
They fall down my cheeks
Him:"Sis"
He pulls me into his embrace I break
down almost immediately
Me:"I've lost him M I've lost him"
Him:"Don't do this to yourself sis"
Me:"5 years! I've been with him for 5
bloody years!!! And he does this to me?!
To me Mpumelelo?"
Him:"He's not worth your tears Star"
I pull away from the hug and distance
myself from him
Me:"I never knew my own parents hated
me this much-"
Him:"That's not true-"
Me:"They congratulated her for sleeping
with my man! They pushed for marriage!
He is mine M! My man! They knew about
us.... Was my man now-"
He keeps quiet I wipe my tears and look
at him
Me:"I've been with him for 5 years and he
goes on to sleep with my sister got her
pregnant and married her. I've fell
pregnant for this man 3 times! 3 times!!!
And he's made me abort talking about
how we weren't in a good space to have
children and we can't have children out of
wedlock... Look at- look at him now. Look
at them M my own sister is celebrating at
my misery even my own parents"
He pulls me into his embrace holding me
tight
Him:"Shh baby God will answer for you"
Me:"Right now I don't even think he exist"
He removes me from his chest and wipe
my tears
Him:"You're a beautiful woman Star don't
let that jerk bring you down okay?"
I sniff nodding I wipe the remaining tears
and fix myself
Me:"Let's go back"
Him:"Are you sure? We can go to Mc D I
know how much pumpkin loves Mc Flurry"
I giggling pushing him
Me:"Stop calling my son pumpkin! But he
really wants it"
He chuckles throwing his arm over my
shoulder
Him:"Let's go get her one"
Me:"Stop! And no we can't just leave your
sister's wedding"
Him:"Yes we can"
 I stand still and take a good look at him
he's been supportive ever since the affair
came out
Me:"Thank you"
Him:"I love you and I'll always have your
back"
I sigh as tears start building up
Him:"Arg stop being a cry baby!"
Me:"I'm pregnant!"
He laughs and takes my hand we start
walking to his car my mind drifts back to
the cruelty that has been done to me by
my own family.
Me:"I'm pregnant with my sister's
husband"
I whisper to let it register in my head
Him:"Don't do this Star you did nothing
wrong Mel betrayed you they both did
you're the victim here"
I nod with a small smile I think I've done
enough crying to last me for years but the
hurt is still there and it still hurts like hell.
We're sitting in his car eating our
takeaways I'm on my 3rd Mc Flurry and
I'm still not full its mid night and the house
is buzzing with family members the
wedding has turned into a turn up they are
getting wasted. I look at my brother who's
eating in silence
Me:"I'm leaving"
Him:"Come on you already going to
bed?"
I shake my head
Me:"I'm leaving town"
He immediately sits up with shock written
all over his chocolate face
Him:"I don't understand "
Me:"I'm leaving town M"
Him:'I heard that! But-"
Me:"I can't stay here M my entire life has
been here memories have been created
here, memories I don't wanna remember!
I'd have to watch my sister with my- with
her husband... I can't M"
He gets out I stay put as tears roll down
my cheeks the door opens he pulls me out
and envelopes me in his arms.
Him:"I understand and I fully support you"
He calms me down and makes me sit
down my head is spinning from the crying
I've been doing.
Him:"What about work?"
Me:"My boss already knows and she
supports me she's the who got me the
new job"
Him:"When are you leaving?"
Me:"Tomorrow "
Him:"what?!! But Star we haven't spent
much time together"
Me:"I know but I need to go M"
He nods
Him:"I'm taking you no argument!"
I giggle taking another piece of fish and
throwing it in my mouth
Him:"If you weren't preggies I would've
said let's go clubbing but-"
He shrugs I giggle our mother comes to
us with the biggest smile she looks happy
Her:"My babies why are you sitting in the
car? Come join the family"
Him:"We're fine here"
She claps her hands and places them on
her hips
Her:"You can't even be happy for your
own sister why are you so jealous? You're
siblings be happy for one another that's
what me and your father taught you"
I swallow the big lump in my throat
Him:"There's nothing to be happy about
here mom just go back to your family"
Mom:"Mp-"
Him:"Mxm"
He goes all the way to his side gets in
shutting his door and does the same with
mine and drives out leaving our mother
standing there.
Me:"You shouldn't have done that"
Him:"I'm angry at them they are fucken
evil! Who does that? Who rejoices at the
misery of their own daughter? They
shouted at you when you told them you
expecting called you a liar and wanting
attention! But when their beloved daughter
told them joy went out the roof marriage
was proposed! Cut ties with this sick
family Star they don't love you if they did
they wouldn't have allowed this to
happen"

Insert 2
A month later....
It was 6 in the morning and I was heading
out for work my fingertips were frozen I
kept warming them up using my breath
but that wasn't helping at all I had to get
myself gloves. I took another look at
myself in the mirror my eyes were still
puffy from all the crying that took place the
previous night, I couldn't let go of him I
couldn't pretend he wasn't a factor in my
life and what hurt more was the constant
reminder my brain did "He married your
little sister"
I moved away from the mirror taking deep
breaths avoiding to cry my hands went to
my little bump my Spiderman was starting
to show
Me:"Hey big boy be strong okay? Be
strong for mommy don't let mommy's
stress affect you okay?
And mommy loves you so much"
I quickly wiped the tear that had rolled
down my cheek to think I wanted to end
my life just 2 days ago made me more
emotional. I sat down taking deep breaths
the doctor told me to take things easy and
stop stressing or else I will lose my
Spiderman.
I took my coat and bags and left for the
rank as expected the line started from the
back but because I was pregnant I went
straight to the front. A group of drivers
were standing there chatting up a storm
our lane didn't have taxis so we had to
wait
Driver:"Awu Nkosazana"
 I bowed my head a little with a fake smile
plastered on my face he turned and went
back to chatting with the other drivers. I
felt pain coming from my abdomen area I
brushed it off but it came back I held onto
the area caressing it and the pain slowly
went away. I felt eyes on me so I looked
up and found one of the drivers looking at
me shrugged my shoulders which I
immediately regretted because he came
to me
Him:"Uright?"
I nodded
Him:"Do you sign?"
He said doing something with his hands
that looked like sign language
Me:"No"
He nodded
 Him:"Oh its just that you're always using
your head and face to response so I
thought... "
What does he mean by always?! I just got
here a month ago. And yes I've never
spoken to a single soul but-... He was
right.
I kept my mouth shut and looked the
other way
Him:"Can I have your numbers so I can
check up on you during the day you
certainly don't look okay"
The nerve this man had!!!
Me:"I said I'm fine bhuti now please leave
me alone"
Him:"I just wanna che-"
Me:"No!"
He looked taken back a bit maybe its
because I raised my voice at him.
 Him:"Why do you do this to me?! I get it
I've wronged you but please I just want to
be in my child's life Nkosazana!!"
A gasped escaped my lips I couldn't
believe this shock was an understatement
to how I was feeling.
All eyes were now on us I could hear them
already whispering
Me:"I don't kno-"
Him:"Baby please you know my dad was
never there but I want to be there for our
son. Look at how puffy your eyes are
because of my wrongs-"
Me:"You're embarrassing me!"
I shouted through gritted teeth
Him:"Number"
He whispered with his hand out I shook
my head still in shock. He chuckled ready
to open his big mouth that had weird
enough nice full juicy looking lips.
Me:"Fine!"
He chuckled looking all cute.. I mean
satisfied. Yes satisfied! He was looking
satisfied with himself. Jerk!
He handed over his phone and I did as
asked gave him numbers my brothers
numbers.
Me:"I forgot my phone at home so"
He chuckled taking his phone back and
looking at the number
Him:"Its 0845594822"
I asked him to call it out again he it I
chuckled
Me:"Nice try"
He was calling the wrong number I wasn't
stupid I know what he was trying to do.
Him:"Here's a taxi I'll see you later"
I was the 1st to get into the taxi running
away from that lunatic! I don't where is
braincells where at because its clear as
day light me and him were from different
worlds and class! He had the nerve!
Imagine me dating a taxi driver?! Geez
our standards were not the same! It was
gonna be a downgrade for me!
I got to work just before 8 Mr B and his
PA were already waiting for me we were
going to the other side of town for a
meeting with potential clients.
Him:"Good morning Star"
Me:"Morning Mr B and Candice"
She smiled sweetly Mr B took my things
from me and led the way to the parking
lot.
Him:"So how are you guys doing?"
My cheeks went up creating a big smile it
wasn't fake
Me:"We're good pain here and there but
you're good"
He opened the car door for me. What a
gentleman! I got in and so did Candice
Him:"We must visit the doctor pains aren't
suppose to be there "
Me:"I've been under a lot of stress and
my doctor knows"
Him:"Oh good we wouldn't want anything
to happen to our princess"
My cheeks heat up I looked out the
window not knowing what to say he
always found a way to make me blush!
See now this is my kind, my class not taxi
drivers!
But I wasn't ready for anything that
involved a man I was nowhere ready for a
relationship I don't think I'd ever be ready.
Insert 3
After work Mr B took us out for dinner by
us I mean me and Candice because of the
deal we sealed he was in a good mood
and his good mood was rubbing off on me
Thabo was the last thing on my mind even
my family at that moment none of them
mattered.
Me:"It is time for me to go my little
Spiderman wants mommy to rest"
I said through laughter the table was filled
with laughs yet it was just the 3 of us.
Can:"And my boyfriend is already on his
way to fetch me"
Mr B sulked
Him: You guys are so boring!"
Me:"Some of us stay far!"
I picked up my bag collecting my stuff
Him:"I'll take you"
Me:"No!"
I threw my head back laughing
Me:"I'll see you guys tomorrow "
Him:"At least let me take you to the rank"
Candice agreed saying something about
safety I agreed but first we waited for
Candice's boyfriend to arrive and he did
so we left for the rank. He parked next to
the road I could see my land and there
was a line.
Him:"I don't trust this place Star can't I
just take you home"
It was 19:30 so it was dark but the lights
were on
Me:"I'll be fine"
I didn't wanna be a burden on him he got
out and opened my door for him. Told you
he's a gentleman!!
I stepped out with my bags my feet were
killing me and I wasn't even in heels no
more.
Me:"Thank you"
Him:"So I'll see you tomorrow? "
Me:"Yep now I just need my bed"
He kissed my cheek and gave me a hug
Him:"Go and be safe call me when you
get home"
Me:"Yes sir "
He chuckled I made my way to the rank
and this time around I stood in line with
my swollen feet. I was enjoying my new
life yes it was different and lonely but it
was better than what I left behind. My
phone rang I took it out and it was my
brother
Me:"My favourite"
Him:"I'm mad at you why are you giving
boys my number?"
I was so confused
Me:"What are you talking about? "
Him:"A number called me during the day
but I was busy and it called just now and it
was a boy Star!
Suyajola Star?"
Me:"What?No! I don't even know what
you talking about"
Him:"I hope so I don't want you anywhere
near boys"
I looked around feeling I don't know but I
was feeling something
Me:"I'm 25 M"
Him:"Don't care! How's my princess?"
Me:"My prince is good"
He laughed we spoke for a few and bid
farewell to each other I was about to climb
in the taxi when someone held my hand
and pulled me aside the people who were
standing behind me went in.
Him:"Why did you lie to me?"
 I yanked my hand from him what the hell
is wrong with this driver!!
Me:"Stay away from me"
I said through gritted teeth
Him:"You gave me your boyfriend's
number! Who does that?!"
Me:"Me! I do that now stay away from
me"
I went in the taxi and closed the door he
came and opened it
Him:"Ntwana vrou ain't riding"
He held my wrist I screamed like
seriously screamed
Me:"Leave me the fuck alone!!!! I don't
know you!!!"
He looked calm as ever whilst I on the
other hand was freaking out! Wtf does this
man want from me?!!
Driver:"My bra ha.a ntwanaz not like that"
The men in the taxi started mumbling
agreeing with the driver but he didn't let
go of my wrist Him:"Please"
I shook my head
Me:"Sir you're hurting me"
He wasn't hurting me at all I just wanted
him to let go of me.
Him:"Please I'll take you home. If
anything happens to you they are
witnesses"
We stared at each other tears were at the
brick of my eyes I was scared of him. His
cuteness wasn't cutting it for him I just
wanted to get dar away from him
Me:"Please let me go"
He continued staring at me tears rolled
down my cheeks
Driver:"My awti tyd mfo"
He nodded still staring at me
Him:"I'm sorry I didn't mean to... Sho"
He gently let go of me I quickly closed the
door shivering in shock never had I
encountered such in my entire life this
obsession was all new to me.
The ride home was intense no one was
saying anything the lady next to me asked
whether I'll be okay I said yes but I didn't I
would be. I got off at my stop this area
was rough gun shots went off every
weekend and the weekend here starts on
Wednesday, I picked up the pace I was
struggle I had bags with me and a child in
my tummy, my feet were killing me and I
was dog tired! I should've agreed to the
lift!
Whistles went off I froze on my steps I
could feel my bladder increasing I held my
bags tighter and started walking again this
time around mini running.
"Exe sista!"
 I didn't stop at all instead I started running
I ran into the yard and started knocking
harshly now you gotta understand I've
never been mugged and I didn't want to
be I couldn't afford to lose my laptop. A
man opened I pushed him aside and went
in I'm too much of coward the man calm
me down and he and his brother took me
to my place they were nice and much
older.
I got there and a car was parked in front
of my place I bid those two farewell and
went to unlock the door.
"Nkosazana"
Insert 4
My heart stopped beating the back of my
hair stood tall under the wig I was wearing
I was close to peeing in my pants I slowly
turned meeting a cocky smile on his face I
dropped my bags
Me:"Fuck you!!!! Are you fucken crazy?!!!
You scared the living shit out of me M!!!!
You bastard!!!"
He chuckled and came closer lifting me
up in a hug, I couldn't help myself I
slapped him I was close to peeing in my
pants because of him!
Him:"Ouch!"
Me:"You deserve way more than that!!
Fuck!!"
Him:"Stop being rude and invite me in"
He picked my bags up and opened the
door I went in after him the relief was
feeling was out of this world I thought it
was that stupid obsess driver.
Me:"When did you get here?"
Him:"In the afternoon I missed you so
thought I should come visit"
Me:"I missed you too but you should've
told me you're coming"
Him:"I wanted to surprise you and God
Star you should have seen your face!!
Fucken priceless!! "
He broke down in laughter I didn't find it.
Not at all
Him:"The way you freaked out though
let's talk about that, the Nkosazana name"
Me:"Mxm"
I went to the bathroom the release the
shock pee I don't know but my brother
being here brought me peace I was happy
at least wasn't spending another night
aloneisI went back to him finding on the
phone his back was faced at him so he
couldn't see me.
Him:"Ma I can't come I'm visiting Star"
....
Him:"She's my sister!"
....
 Him:"I'm not taking sides but if I were to
take one I'd take Stars, she stole her
sister's boyfriend that's disgusting!"
....
Him:"Arg whatever just call her husband
because I'm way too far"
....
Him:"Business trip? Doesn't he know his
wife is due?"
....
Him:"I don't care! I wasn't there when
they decided to betray Star and I sure as
hell won't be there to congratulate them"
....
Him:"I don't care. Now bye my sister is
waiting for me"
He hung up I was still standing there not
knowing what to do my sister was giving
birth to my well to her husband... They
were about to have kids together the
famous twins were about to be born
Him:"Hey"
I looked at him and nodded my mood was
down I just wanted to get into bed and cry
Him:"Star?"
Me:"Not now please"
Him:"Star"
Me:"She's giving birth?"
My voice was breaking my emotions were
all over the place. I was allowed to be
emotional right these people betrayed me
they broke me into pieces
Him:"Star-"
Me:"Is she giving birth M? Is my sister
giving birth to my- Are our parents about
to be grandparents?"
He kept quiet tears were rolling down my
face I was hurting physically, emotionally
and mentally. Maybe I wasn't good
enough for him, maybe I wasn't the ideal
wife, maybe I was too fat for him and he
didn't want to be with me as he made his
money. I made him! I made that man! He
had nothing absolutely nothing! I worked
my butt off for his business ideas used my
savings to start his business there were
times I had to sleep at 3 in the morning to
finish off proposals for him. I made
countless loans, paid rent and fed him I
did all of that because I loved him,
because I was building a future for us, for
our children but he went on and married
my sister. His business is popping
because of ME he's making thousands of
rands because of ME he's a well known
businessman because of ME!!!
I threw the plate against the wall
screaming my lungs out
Me:"I hate them!!! I hate them M!!"
He was holding me tightly
Him:"Sshh its gonna be okay"
Me:"I hate them. They broke me. They
betrayed me after everything I've done for
them"
Him:"Take it easy Star think of the baby"
I took deep breaths with tears still
gushing out
Me:"Yes my baby"
I got up from the floor and walked away
Me:"Help yourself and use the spare
room. Goodnight"
I went to my room and locked the door I
slid down crying silently I couldn't help it I
couldn't pretend
I was fine the pain was just too much for
me not to care. I trusted them
Insert 5
 The following day I called in sick to spend
time with my brother besides that my body
didn't wanna function this pregnancy
wasn't treating me good and with all the
stress I didn't make it any easier.
I was busy in the kitchen finishing up our
chicken & mayo sandwich
Him:"Finish up already I'm starving Star!"
Me:"I'm almost done!"
Him:"I'm craving for fish & chips"
I stopped what I was doing and looked at
him he can't be serious he let me do these
sandwiches and now when I'm almost
done he's telling me he wants fish!
He looked at me with a guilty look
Him:"I want the sandwich too"
Me:"Mxm"
I took my sandwich and left his there
Him:"Star? "
 I went to the lounge and turned on the TV
throwing the fleece back on me it wasn't
long before he joined me with his
sandwich.
Him:"When we're done can we go buy
fish? Please"
I nodded to be honest I was also craving
it with a Mc Flurry or maybe 2. We ate our
sandwiches laughing and chatting about
everything besides our family.
Him:"Let's go buy the fish"
I slipped in my sleepers
Me:"Let's go there's a place nearby we
could walk"
Him:"I thought you're tired"
Me:"Just get! "
I pulled him up laughing
Him:"Let me grab my wallet"
 I nodded and collected the plates to the
kitchen I was dressed in a royal blue
dress with my morning shoes the baby
bump was visible to think I was 6 months
pregnant with a small bump that's nearly
visible I was blessed some women have
big ones but mine was just perfect!
We locked the door and took a walk to
the takeaway place.
Him:"So tell me Nkosazana "
I looked at him bastard was holding in a
laugh.
Him:"What?"
Me:"Stop with
that name"
him:"It suits you!
And the way he
said it!"
He broke into a fit of laughter I didn't find
it funny at all I was actually annoyed.
Him:"I don't understand why you gave
him my number instead of yours "
Me:"Because! Mxm just leave me alone"
I picked up my pace walking in front he
ran up to me still laughing
Him:"I'm sorry I'll stop talking about him"
I carried on walking he was not serious
he was busy laughing and I didn't find it
funny at all!!
We got there and it was a bit full so we
placed an order and waited like the rest of
the people that were waiting.
Him:"You're glowing this pregnancy is
making you beautiful"
Me:"What are you trying to say? I've
always been beautiful"
Him:"True but now you're glowing"
Me:"Still don't understand what you trying
to say"
Him:"You've always been dumb"
I gasped holding my chest he didn't just
say that to me?!! He pulled my cheeks
Me:"Fokof!"
He laughed pulling them again I gave him
an evil look instead of backing down he
enveloped me into a big bear hug still
laughing
Me:"I hate you"
Him:"I love you too"
We stayed like that for a few me big
hugged and not returning it our number
was called he walked to the counter.
"Waze wamuhle Nkosazana"
I froze in my position not looking back I
just knew who that was cold sweat went
down my back. I kept my eyes in the
direction my brother was in he did the
unthinkable and touched my shoulder I
jumped and moved back.
Him:"Sorry I- I was just greeting"
I nodded
Him:"How are you?"
Me:"I'm good"
He nodded still looking at me I looked
away. This man was cute no lie but he
needs to stay away from me.
Him:"I'm also good"
I didn't ask!
Him:"You look beautiful"
"I know right?"
Ah thank you Lord! That was my brother I
pulled him next to me
Driver:"Yeah she is... Very"
My brother chuckled
 Driver:"I'm sure our prince will come out
looking like mommy instead of daddy I
hope he takes my good looks so that our
princess will take after mommy"
He was staring at me the whole time my
blood pressure reached the sky I looked
away for him not to see how much I was
blushing.
Bro:"Oh?"
He looked at me and back at the driver I
made sure I had a serious emotionless
facial before looking back at him.
Bro:"I'm M her brother"
He introduced himself through a
handshake they shook hands
Driver:"Nkanyiso her husband"
My brother looked at me and chuckled
Bro:"We haven't received cows at home
yet"
Nka:"My uncles are slacking"
Bro:"If I were you I'd tell them to hurry up
before she's snatched off the market"
Me:"Haibo!"
Nka:"I'll be contacting them tonight"
Bro:"We'll be waiting"
My mouth was handing they were going
on as if I wasn't even there!!!
Me:"Stop selling me off!!"
Bro:"I thought?"
Me:"You thought nothing! And wena stay
away from me!"
I said pointing at him I walked away
leaving my brother behind. How dare he
sell me off like that?!!! And to that driver
out of all people?!! The most annoying,
scary, low life, pervert, cute, handsome,
beautiful hands, pentying dropping husky
voic- Arg!!! What am I saying?!! What's
wrong with me?!!! That driver must just
stay away from me or else will place a
protective order against him!
Insert 6
That sell out caught up with me I was
angry at him and that stupid driver,
especially M because I didn't care what
that idiotic driver thought of me my brother
was suppose to think highly of me and
protect me. I couldn't even walk that fast
my Spiderman was heavy I stopped to
take a breathe I was already tired
Him:"Are you okay?"
Me:" Mxm"
I snatched the takeaway from him and
started walking again
Him:"Haibo Star?"
He ran and stood in my way
Me:"Don't test me"
 Him:"Are you for real? We were just
joking "
Me:"Move"
He frowned looking at me
Him:"Sta-"
Me:"I won't repeat myself"
He swiftly moved out of the way I started
with my journey again this time around he
walked quietly besides me and I wasn't
well I couldn't walk fast my baby was
heavy. We arrived at home still quiet I sat
down carefully breathing heavily
Him:"But Star-"
I raised my hand for him to keep quiet I
was still tired and was gonna deal with
him when I'm okay, he brought me water I
glued it down and thanked him.
Me:"Why did you entertain that taxi
driver? "
Him:"Because!"
Me:"He freaks me out M! You're suppose
to protect me but no!! I'm a useless
worthless prick who's boyfriend married
her younger sister so it's best to sell me
off!!"
Him:"You're overreacting Star and no
you're not wor-"
Me:"That taxi driver is crazy M! He forced
me to give him my number! You were so
quick to shout at him yesterday but few
minutes ago you were laughing with that
taxi driver "
Him:"His name is Nkanyiso Star!"
Me:"I don't care! He's a bloody taxi driver
M!"
Him:"Stop thinking so highly of yourself
Star"
I looked away cheeky as ever I could feel
my cheeks were on fire I was angry. He
brought the coffee table closer and sat on
top of it facing me
Him:"Stop looking down on other people I
love you but you're not that special, so
what he's a taxi driver who cares at least
he's working-"
I looked at him pulling a face
Him:"A business owner left you for your
sister Star! Stop this fucken attitude!
Climb down from that ladder! Yes you're a
beautiful gorgeous woman who deserves
the entire universe but look at what dating
a high class man brought you"
Me:"I made him a high cla-"
Him:"Yet here you are in the hood and
him in the suburbs with your sister."
I gasped in shock how could he?! He
knows very well I didn't ask for that and
every time I think about that my heart
aches
 Him:"I'm sorry but you had to hear that
nothing good came out of dating a high
class man Star absolutely nothing okay
maybe one"
He looked at my tummy
Him:"Take a break from relationships you
need to heal from what they did to you but
don't look down on others. Okay?"
I nodded with tears forcing their way out
of my eyes
Me:"I'm such a cry baby"
He held me in his arms
Him:"You're pregnant its understandable"
I stiffed backing away from the hug
wiping my tears but more came out
Me:"After everything M I still love him. I
still care about him sometimes I wanna
pick up the phone and ask if he's eaten or
how he's day is going, did he score any
big clients and then it hits me he's no
longer mine. My soulmate left me for my
sister. My little sister M! What's wrong with
me? Aren't I good enough? Am I not
beautiful enough? What do I lack? What
does Buhle have that I don't?!"
I got up from the sofa and paced around
Me:"I know when we first went out I
wasn't this big maybe I got fat he
should've told me to-" Him:"Stop Star!"
Me:"I need to lose weight M maybe he'll
come back to me-"
Him:"Star Stop!!!"
I stood still and looked at him through
tears he got up from the table and came
to me
Him:"Let him go. He doesn't deserve you.
Forget about him he's with Buhle now"
Me:"He was mine first!"
Him:"If he honestly loved you he wouldn't
have slept with your little sister let alone
marry her. Let him go sis it won't be easy
but just let him go"
He pulled me into a hug I cried my heart
our on his chest. Why couldn't my heart
let go of him?! Why was I so stupid?! I
hated him and loved him at the same
time. M forced me to take a nap I had a
headache from all the crying.
The following day M was taking to the
doctor to check on my baby but 1st I was
going to work. I woke up early and got
myself sorted
Me:"Aren't you taking me to work?"
Him:"And be stuck in traffic? Forget it!"
Me:"Please I don't feel like riding a taxi"
He chuckled and jumped out of his bed
Him:"I'll take you to the rank!"
Me:"M!!"
 He pulled me out of his
room and took my bags
from me Me:"Go clean that
mouth"
Him:"Waste Imma go back to bed after
dropping you off"
He seriously took me to the rank I was
pleading and begging for him to take me
to work I even made promised and
threats!
Me:"I hate you!!"
Him:"Love you too. Tell hubby I said hi"
Me:"Mxm"
I threw his door and walked to my lane
my brother can be really childish
sometimes!
"Nkosazana"
I looked at him with a small smile and
greeted back it was the nice driver not
Nkanyiso if that's his name! He started
shouting Mongezi some slender guy
answer, he asked him where Nka was. I
swear I went ice cold so its like that now
at these ranks? I was gonna deal with that
Nkanyiso driver I swear!!!
Mongezi also shouted back that he's out
with a trip the relief I felt is out of this
world. I got in the taxi and went to work
without seeing him.
Work was okay at lunch M came and took
me to my doctor we were seated there
when he decided to burst a bubble
Him:"Which one to you want first the
good news or not so goof news?"
I shrugged my shoulders
Him:" I invited Nkanyiso over for dinner"
I looked at this idiot I call a brother the
anger that was brewing inside of me was
volcanic but I was trying to contain it
Me:"What's the good news?"
Him:"That was the good news"
I looked away
Me:"What's worse than that?"
Him:"Erh Buhle gave birth to healthy
twins a boy and a girl"
Insert 7
I nodded and looked ahead at the posters
so it was now official they were a family its
not that I couldn't give him kids he just
didn't want them with me cause if he did
he wouldn't have told me to abort those
pregnancies. He wasn't forced to marry
my sister he did it willingly! When I told
him I was pregnant at first he thought I
was lying but I had proof because
something told me he wouldn't believe
me, the man was not pleased at all no one
was pleased to hear I was expecting
because I apparently was messing things
up for the "lovebirds"
Him:"You gonna be okay?"
I nodded with tears in my eyes I looked at
him
Me:"I'll be fine"
I was called in M being M went in with me
Me:"You forward"
Him:"Shut up I wanna see!"
After all the formalities and M being
emotional seeing the baby I asked him to
wait for me outside.
Her:"I take it you wanna ask me
something"
I nodded I fiddled with my fingers
Me:"The pains are still there"
She sighed
Her:"Star I told you to take things slow
and easy know what I'm sending you to
an early maternity leave"
Me:"But-"
Her:"No buts Star!"
I sighed me being at home meant over
thinking things! She started writing
something down
Me:"Can I ask something? "
Her:"Of course"
Me:"Is it normal...? "
Her:"The pains?"
I shook my head and looked away
Me:"To be horny?"
She chuckled
Her:"Yes its normal but pregnancies differ
from one person to the next your best
friend, sister, aunt or cousin won't have
the same pregnancy as you. But hey
that's why fathers are there to take care of
the hormones"
She giggled I didn't find it funny at all I
just faked her a smile and nodded. She
gave me two papers one for prescription
and the other to give my boss. I thanked
her and went back to M
Him:"Everything okay?"
I nodded we went on to book the next
appointment.
Me:"Now you taking me back to work but
first food"
He chuckled glued on his phone
Him:"Nkanyiso says he won't be available
for tonight apparently he was in a car
accident"
Me:"What?! Oh my God is he okay?!"
He laughed, what was funny about this?!
A man was in an accident but my childish
brother was here busy laughing!
Me:"I'm gonna strangle you!"
Him:"You actually care about him!"
I went numb
Me:"You really stupid I don't like the guy I
don't even know him and he's most
defiantly not my type! I'm just worried like
any other sober minded human being
would be"
I walked to the car and slammed the car
door he was busy laughing while I was
worried about the poor guy we all know
how fast these drivers drive sometimes it
gets scary. M got in we didn't chat at all
we grab something to eat at a drive-thru
and went back to work
Him:"I'll see you later"
I nodded
Me:"I love you and don't turn my house
upside down"
He chuckled
Him:"Can't promise. Bye sis"
I rolled my eyes and went inside the
building I first went to drop off the later at
HR and went to my station.
Later in the afternoon M came to fetch
me I was dog tired I just needed my bed
and nothing else. Upon I arrival I went
straight to my room I took everything off
and left only my thong on, ever since
started baby gaining I hated bras it felt like
I was suffocating in them so I opt for
sports bras.
I woke up to noise something that was
really rare in my house actually it was the
first time I got up and wore my gown. I
wanted ice cream actually I needed ice
cream I went to risen my mouth and went
to the kitchen passing the lounge.
3 men in My house?!!! 2 I didn't know!! M
just got here but already he's watching
soccer with guys I don't even know!
I took out the tub and helped myself
M:"Hey you're awake"
Me:"You guys are pretty loud so"
He sat next to me
Him:"Oh sorry we didn't realise we
watching a game wanna watch?"
I shook my head I just wanted my bed
and ice cream
Him:"I cooked!"
I shook my head again
Him:"Okay what's up?"
Me:"I just woke up"
 He chuckled and kissed my cheek
leaving me in the kitchen. One thing about
me I become grumpy well not grumpy but
I keep quiet oh well its grumpy! I become
grumpy for like 20 minutes after waking
up.
I got up and checked the pots there was
nothing I thought he said he cooked!
Fridge nothing! Microwave nothing! I
checked the oven and there were sticky
wings I just knew he bought them. He
couldn't make sticky wings even to save
his life!!
Bowl of ice cream and plate of sticky
wings I was ready to go back to bed.
"Hey"
I looked at him
Me:"What are you doing in my house?"
Him:"M invited us over for a soccer
game"
Me:"Us?"
He nodded
Him:"Yes"
I didn't even know he was here!! He
wasn't there when I passed the lounge. I
nodded and went pass him but he
stopped me by holding my arm
Him:"I hope we aren't invading your
space"
You are!! I actually want all of you out!!
But first tell me how's your arm! Was
anyone hurt?! Are you hurt?!
Me:"No"
I looked at his broken arm and back into
his face
Me:"Let go of my arm"
Him:"Oh sorry"
 I nodded making a mental note to never
be touched by him again or else if he
continues I'll have to buy myself toys.
Him:"How's the prince?"
I just looked at him
Him:"None of my business? Okay got it"
Me:"Tell my brother and your friends to
keep the noise level down"
Him:"You not gonna watch with?"
Me:"Hell no!"
Him:"Oh? I can teach you about-"
Me:"No! I told you to stay away from me!
Tell me what do you want from me?
What? Want me to build you and make
you a better person so you could leave
when I've fixed you?! Make me pregnant
and tell me to abort? Make me a single
parent? See you men are the same you're
nothing but heartless dogs!!"
Him:"Is that the reason you always have
puffy eyes in the morning?"
Me:"Just stay away from me Nkanyiso I
want nothing to do with you"
Him:"That's gonna be a bit difficult"
Me:"I guess I'll have to file for
harassment"
Him:"Go ahead but I'm not staying away
from you"
Me:"Do. Not. Test. Me"
Him:"I'm not staying away Nkosazana
you can forget about that"
I looked at this man in front of me the
nerve he had!!! In my house telling me he
won't stay away!!
Arg I just wanna kill him!! But why am I so
wet?! I was uncomfortable so I moved my
leg
Him:"Wet"
Me:"Excuse me?"
Lord please don't tell me I said that out
loud!!
Him:"The floor is wet your ice cream is
dripping"
Me:"Oh!"
I sighed in relief! Jesus!
Me:"Please tell my brother I said he must
clean it up"
I walked out of that kitchen like I was
being chased I locked my bedroom door
sighing in relief I touched between my
thighs and I was indeed wet.
Me:"What's wrong with me?"
And no I don't like that taxi driver! I just
want him to stay away from me! Men are
all the same smooth talk their way into
your life and turn it upside down. I don't
want nor need that
Insert 8
I was seated on my bed drinking my ice
cream it had melted to liquid form M and
friends were still watching the soccer
game the noise level hadn't sent down
instead it went up I think they did that to
annoy me but I wasn't bothered at all at
least my brother was enjoying his visit
even if its not with me as long as he was
happy.
I was about to play music from my phone
when it went dead quiet the boys were
quiet so was the TV. Wait what if we were
being mugged what if there are robbers
there and they told them to shut up. I
jumped off the bed not that there was
anything I could do, someone started
banging on my door
"Star!! Star we need to go!"
That was my brother I quickly opened for
him
Me:"What?"
Him:"We need to go home"
I rolled my eyes tightening my gown he
hurriedly went to his room I went back into
mine and collected the two dishes his
friends were still there.
Me:"What's up with him?"
Guy:"He got a phone call from home"
Me:"Oh?"
Nka:"Your father was admitted to
hospital"
Me:"Oh okay"
I went to the kitchen to wash my plates I
was busy with them when M budged in
Him:"Why aren't you dressed?! Or are
you leaving like that?"
Me:"I'm not going"
Him:"What?!!"
I turned and looked at him
Me:"I said I'm
not going"
Him:"Dad is in
a coma Star!"
Its Karma!!
Me:"Okay"
Him:"He's your father Star"
Me:"He was also my father when he-"
Him:"Star"
We stared at each other he was begging
me through his eyes
Me:"Fine! I'll go!"
I went to pack a weekend away bag I was
coming back on Sunday I wore tights and
a vest topped it off with my gown.
Me:"Let's go"
Nka:"Sbu is gonna drive you guys"
M:"No nee-"
SBU:"You're not in the right state of mind
to drive M and your sister can't drive so
we'll come with" Me:"We?"
Him:"Yes we gonna come with for moral
support"
I chuckled
Me:"You don't even know each other like
that!"
Nka:"Everything has a beginning"
We looked at each other I rolled my eyes
and walked out to M's car. Driving for M
part was understandable he wasn't in the
right state of mind but where was
Nkanyiso going to? He also couldn't drive
he was gonna be useless!!
Sbu went to drop off one of the guys
apparently he couldn't come with because
he had a trip to Bloemfontein, he drove to
two different houses in one he went in and
in the other Nkanyiso went in. Now all
roads led "home"
SBU:"You'll have to move to the back I
can't drive long distance with a woman
next to me you gonna distract me"
I laughed he was also laughing
Him:"And you seriously gonna distract me
plus you pregnant"
I rolled my eyes laughing I got out M went
to sit in front talking about directions but I
wasn't stupid.
I decided to keep my mouth shut and
sleep my frustration off.
I was woken up by someone shaking me
lightly I yawned
Me:"We've arrived?"
M:"No we at the garage what must I bring
for you?"
Me:"Biltong, sour worms and chili chips
oh and water don't forget juice. Yes that"
He chuckled shaking his head. I was left
alone in the car Nkanyiso was smoking
outside Sbu and M went to buy, I got out
for fresh air.
Nka:"You don't seem bothered about
your dads admission"
Me:"And you're noisy"
Him:"Okay"
We remained quiet until those two came
back we waited for Sbu to finish smoking
before driving again. Slow jams were
playing
Nka:"You comfortable?"
I nodded it was just the two of us at the
back why wouldn't I be comfortable?
Him:"I can rub your feet"
 Me:"No
thanks"
Him:"Your
loss"
Mxm I decided to keep quiet I wasn't
gonna entertain him he wasn't a factor in
my life.
We got there in the wee hours we went
straight to the hospital I could feel my
chest tightening I wasn't ready to see
them yet I wasn't ready to see my family
yet, the couple I wasn't ready for any of
this. We got there Sbu got a parking spot
M:"Are you okay?"
I nodded faking a small smile
We all got out
Nka:"We'll find you guys inside we just
need a smoke"
M nodded. He took my hand and led me
his grip tightened
Him:"I love you okay?"
Me:"I know"
We found them at those cold benches
mom looked out of space she didn't look
good at all.
M:"How is he?"
Mom jumped up and hugged him she
wailed I stood there as awkward as ever.
Aunt:"Come here baby"
I went to sit next to her she held my hand
Her:"Your dad will be fine"
I nodded
Her:"How have you been?"
Me:"Okay I guess and you?"
Her:"I'm fine my angel how's the baby?"
Me:"The baby is okay"
She gave me that pity look she's been
giving me since the affair came out. M
was still talking with mom I greeted the
rest of the family members. My 2 cousins
came from the corner holding coffees
followed by the one and only, the king of
betrayals it would've been less painful if
he had married into a different family but
no! I held onto my gown.
Cuz Siya:"Star hey"
He gave the coffee to the elders and
pulled me up for a hug
Him:"How are you doing?"
Me:"Erh I- I"
I looked at Thabo he couldn't even look at
me.
Me:"Excuse me"
I had to get out of there!!! I couldn't
breathe!! I walked out with hot tears
gushing out of my eyes I was met with
Sbu and Nkanyiso at the entrance.
Nka:"Are you okay?"
 I didn't answer him I went to the
benches and cried my heart out I
couldn't help myself I couldn't contain the
hurt I was feeling. I'll never forgive them
for what they did to me! Never!
"Nkosazana"
Arg!!
Me:"Leave me alone Nkanyiso!"
He sat next to me
Him:"You cry like there's no tomorrow"
I wiped my tears sniffing but more came
out he gently pulled me to his chest
Him:"Sshh"
I held onto his T-shirt and let it out I cried
until I couldn't cry no more but just sniffing
I moved away from his manly chest.
Me:"Sorry about that"
Him:"its fine. Are you okay?"
Me:"I'll be fine"
Him:"Nkosazana"
He held my hand in his
Me:"Don't do this Nkanyiso"
Him:"What am I doing?"
I looked at him he was staring at me
Him:"Wanna talk about?"
I chuckled bitterly
Me:"I saw someone whom I thought was
my life inside"
Him:"The heartless dog who's sins I'm
paying for?"
I chuckled
Me:"Yes"
Him:"Remind me to punch him in the
throat for making you cry and for making
me pay for something I didn't do"
I giggled I'd sure love that!!
Him:"Is he the father?"
 I looked at him he had a serious yet
concern face I swallowed and nodded. He
nodded too we kept quiet he was busy
playing with my fingers. Why was I
allowing this?!!! I pulled my hand but he
held it tight
Him:"Don't please"
Me:"Nkanyiso please don't do this you
gonna complicate things"
Him:"What things?"
Me:"Things Nkanyiso!"
I sighed
Him:"Is my aim too high?"
Me:"Yes! Yes it is"
He nodded and quickly wrapped his arm
around me and pulled me close. I gasped
for a one armed man he surely was strong
Him:"Nkosazana-"
Me:"Nkanyiso"
My hormones were increasing I wanted to
get out of his arms!! His arm! Jesus his
arm!! And the way he was looking at me!
His voice!
Him:"Nkosazana"
I held onto his arm if he said Nkosazana
one more time I was gonna reach an
orgasm without even being touched!!
What is this man doing to me?!!
"Star?"
I gasped and jumped out of Nkanyiso's
arms Thabo stood there looking confused.
Him:"What the hell is this?"

Insert 9
Me:"I... I... I"
I looked at Nkanyiso and then back at
Thabo the look he was giving me told me
he was waiting for an explanation I didn't
know what to do or say. I looked back at
Nkanyiso
T:"Star what the hell is this?!"
I looked at him
Him:"Star?!"
Nka:"Don't raise your voice at her"
Me:"Nkan-"
Him:"No! I don't care who he is but he
mustn't raise his voice at you"
He got up from the bench and stood next
to me. Oh Lord! What now?!!! Thabo
looked at him and then back at me
Him:"I won't repeat myself"
Me:"I- he- we-"
I looked at Nkanyiso I didn't know what to
say I've never prepared for this day where
I'd be face to face with him without our
family members.
Nka:"Are you okay?"
 I shook my head I was feeling hot I
loosened the knot of my gown.
Him:"Sit down"
I shook my head I took off my gown
pacing around for air I gave Nkanyiso my
gown.
Him:"Star?"
I went straight to Thabo and slapped him
as hard as I could which left my hand
aching in pain
Me:"You bastard!!! I did everything for
you!!! I fucken made you! You piece of
shit!!!"
Nkanyiso pulled me back
Me:"Let me go Nkanyiso!!"
Him:"You pregnant"
I took deep breaths and looked at Thabo
tears were streaming down my cheeks
Nka:"You need to calm down"
I removed his arm from me
Me:"I gave you all of me Thabo. I gave
you ALL OF ME! Remember when you
had NOTHING? Absolutely nothing! When
you couldn't start your business because
you knew nothing about business I took
you to school! I paid for your fees!! I made
loan after loan!! I Star would rather starve
because I wanted you to be someone I
wanted you to become something Thabo!!
I shaped your rusty edgy ass because I
loved you!! But you went on to have an
affair with my sister. My little sister
Thabo!! Who the fuck does that?! You
made me a fool lying about meetings.
Wow! Wow Thabo!"
I moved away from him wiping my tears
my breathing was coming off short
because of the tears and how my chest
kept tightening
 Me:"You broke me. I trusted you with my
life I would've taken a bullet for you
without even thinking about it, you were
my life my everything Thabo and you
squashed all of that. I hope she makes
you happy. I hope she gives you what I
failed to give you. I hope-.... I hope you
have a happy marriage" I sniffed taking
deep breaths
Me:"Just tell me why? Why did you do it?
Why her? Why my sister Thabo?"
I looked at him he couldn't look at me so
he looked away.
Him:"St-"
Me:"Please just tell me"
I whispered he looked at me
Him:"I love her"
My breath got stuck in my throat
Me:"When did you realise that?"
 I bit my tongue waiting for his next
response
Him:"About 2 years ago"
I gasped stumbling back
Him:"Star you got to understa-"
I raised my hand to stop him from running
his mouth so out of our 5 years he was in
love with my sister for 2 years?! He's been
pretending for 2 years. Pretending to love
me!
Him:"I'll always love you Star-"
Nka:"Hey shut up man! Baby are you
okay?"
T:"Baby? Seriously Star? After 5 years
you move on just like that? Maybe you
never loved me you knew I could be
something big so you-"
Next thing he's on the floor with Nkanyiso
on top of him I didn't even stop him I just
went passed them and went inside. I was
hurt to the core I just wanted to go home
and cry myself to sleep. I found the family
seated on those benches I went to sit
down
M:"Where's your gown its cold Star?"
I pointed outside
Me:"Its with Nkanyiso"
He nodded I looked at my mother we
looked at each other I had nothing to say
to her and it looked like she also had
nothing to say.
Me:"Any news?"
Uncle Joe:"No
there's nothing we
still waiting" I
nodded we all
remained quiet for
a while.
SBU:"Where's Nka?"
Me:"Outside"
M:"What's he doing there its cold?"
Me:"Beating Thabo up don't worry about
it"
Sbu jumped running outside followed by
M and the uncles also followed. Mother
looked at me
Her:"You brought people thugs to beat up
your sister's husband?! How much petty
can you be Star? Your sister just had kids
and you wanna kill her husband?!!"
Aunt:"No no no Joy! Why are you always
like this towards Star?"
Mom:"She didn't say anything when she
got here!"
Aunt:"Star?"
I looked down and played with my fingers
why must I explain myself she had already
assumed the worst of me. I got up
Me:"Erh I'm-... I'm going"
I walked away they didn't feel like family
being with them felt like being among
strangers who knew each other I felt left
out like the black sheep of the family. I
found the men outside they were helping
Thabo he was bloody. Me:"Where's my
gown?"
Sbu handed it over to me
Me:"Is he gonna be fine?"
He nodded I asked for the car keys he
told me Nkanyiso and M were at the car
so I went there. I found them there
Nkanyiso was shirtless he looked good.
We looked at each other I swallowed the
lump in my throat and looked at M
Him:"I'll leave you to it"
He walked away. What was he leaving us
to?! This sell out!! I looked back at
Nkanyiso he also looked lost
Him:"Are you okay?"
Me:"I'll be fine. Are you okay I mean
mentally?"
He looked even more confused
Me:"Why in the name of God would you
fight Thabo?! What's wrong with you?!"
Him:"Are you stupid or are you
pretending to be?"
Me:"Mxm"
I opened the backseat door
Him:"Star?"
Me:"Leave me alone. I told you countless
times to stay away from me Nkanyiso but
you are your own man so you don't listen
to anything I say now my family thinks I
brought you here to beat up Thabo!"
He chuckled I sighed this man! I wore my
gown
Him:"Nkosazana?"
I ignored him
Him:"Nkosazana"
I continued to ignore him. Can this man
get a life?!!
Him:"Nkosazana please just..."
He held my waist and gently pulled me to
him I could feel his body heat.
Him:"Tell me what to do to be worthy to
be in your life?"
We stared at each other he was way too
close for my comfort
Him:"Please"
Me:"I don't want you Nkanyiso please get
that through your thick skull. I don't want
you like that"
He nodded and let go of me stepping
away leaving me with a void. I really didn't
want him like that
Him:"You want Thabo?"
Me:"Excuse me?!"
Him:"You heard me"
Me:"I don't want him I don't want you I
don't want anyone"
He nodded. What's wrong with this taxi
driver?!!! If he thinks I'd downgrade myself
to his level than he's nuts! Me taxi driver?
Ahh imagine!!
I was about to get into the car when he
pulled me and kissed me I shoved him
away from me
Me:"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
He pulled me and kissed me again I didn't
kiss him back he trapped me between the
car. Without thinking I kissed him back.
Stupid me!!! He groaned caressing my
back I won't lie it felt good well after
months of drought of course it was gonna
feel good! My hands went to his chest this
man was still shirtless my nippled reacted.
Lord please stop this madness!!! I started
feeling sticky
I could feel something poking me I knew
what it was and it was so hard. I moaned
softly in between the kiss I was so horny I
wanted to sob. Can I give birth already!!!
"I'll be right there I just wanna check up
on Nka!!"
That was Sbu's voice. I shoved Nkanyiso
away from me and quickly got in the car
and closed the door my breathing was
uneven my lips were slightly swollen and I
was horny AF.
Oh Jesus I just kissed him!! Oh Lord he
better not open his mouth about this
mistake to anyone! Cause that's what it
was a MISTAKE! One that will never
happen again and I'll make sure of that.
Insert 10
 I was woken up by M I had fell asleep in
the car when those two friends it was in
clear the sun was rising I yawned sitting
up straight
Me:"Any news?"
He shook his head
Him:"He's still in coma you need to rest in
bed this car is not good for the two of me"
I nodded those two were in the car
Nkanyiso was sitting next to me and Sbu
was in the drivers seat. I didn't dare look
at Nkanyiso's direction.
M:"We gonna 1st go show them
my place and go home, they'll be
using my place" Me:"I'm not
gonna stay in Joys house I'll book
myself into a BnB" him:"Stop
wasting money Star"
Me:"Take me to a BnB"
 He sighed I wasn't gonna stay in her
house I don't think we'd ever go back to
how we used to be the trips, shopping
spree we used to go to she'd sometimes
beg me to skip work so that we can go to
the spa. But that's all gone now. They
drove around in search of the BnB we
found online that's close by Nkanyiso
repositioned himself in a rather awkward
position for me because my eyes went
straight to his thing! The sweat pants he
was wearing was showing everything!
EVERYTHING!!
I swallowed and tried to look away but I
couldn't my eyes kept going back there
and this was having an affect on me. He
cleared his throat my eyes moved up to
his face I found him staring at me with an
ached eyebrow. The embarrassment that
washed over me!!! I looked away feeling
flushed. It was getting hot in that car
Gosh!!!
 I heard him chuckle I looked at him I don't
know why I did but I did, he bit his lower
lip with a smirk on my eyes moved down
and the sausage was still visible I licked
my lips still staring at it. My face felt so hot
my breathing was uneven I watched it get
firm he was getting hard I looked up at
him.
M:"Finally! Damn this place is hard to
find"
I sat up straight we parked in front of the
BnB
Me:"Thank you no need to get out I'll
manage"
My brother nodded I quickly got out and
went to take my bags in the boot I went to
book myself into the BnB and was shown
the room.
I locked the door behind me all I needed
was a hot bath and nap so I went on to
take a bath I was about to take a nap
when my phone rang.
Me:"Hello"
"Its me"
I sighed
Me:"What do you want Nkanyiso"
Him:"Come out I'm at the parking lot"
Me:"What?!!"
Him:"Come fetch me Nkosazana"
He hung up I got up in shock what the
hell was he doing here?!! I wore a gown
and went out I found him standing there.
Why did I even go out?! Me:"What do you
want?"
Him:"I wanna talk to you about
something"
I folded my arms looking at him
Him:"Not here"
 I rolled my eyes and led the way I could
feel his eyes on me and they were making
me uncomfortable. We got into my room
Me:"So wha-"
He attacked me with a kiss with no
hesitation I kissed him back he fiddled
with my gowns knot I helped him take it
off. It was clear where this was leading to
and I wanted it.
He took off my night dress and moved
back a bit, he was checking me out with a
grin on his face
Him:"Damn"
I pulled him to me and kissed him I took
off his t-shirt I just wanted him inside! We
got each other naked he pushed me to the
bed and got between my thighs I jumped
stopping him
Me:"Erh- uhm I- I didn't know. Arg I didn't
shave"
 He chuckled I moaned feeling his fingers
at my paradise he was looking straight
into my eyes.
Him:"You look so sexy when helpless"
He pushed them in my back ached with a
moan escaping my lips he started moving
his fingers planting wet kisses on my
body. His fingers were magic I was
moaning and going off edge because of
them I could feel myself getting to the final
he stopped
Me:"Don't stop"
He pushed them in I moaned out loud my
knees started shaking
Me:"Oh My God!!!"
I was squirting something that has never
happened before!!! It felt like-... Like.. I
can't describe it! I just can't!
After squirting he got in between my
thighs with a smirk on. Arg arrogant
bastard! He rubbed himself and slowly
went in I held his shoulders
Him:"Relax"
You big!! How does one relax when its
that size?!
He pushed himself in I moaned as he
groaned
Him:"Damn"
He started penetrating slowly I moved to
his rhythm he was staring at me my eyes
rolled back enjoying the pleasure he was
giving me.
Him:"Am I not hurting the baby?"
I shook my head he was actually helping
out with the baby's hormones. He picked
up his pace Me:"Fuck!"
He was hitting it right I think I was slowly
starting to lose my mind I didn't know
where to hold I screamed as a orgasm hit
me hard
Him:"Shit Star"
I was squeezing him he gently turned me
over I went on all fours I hadn't even
recovered from the orgasm. He shoved
himself
Me:"Nka!"
He was starting to be rough and weird
enough I was liking and enjoying it. I
pushed my ass to him he spanked it
Me:"Yass!"
Him:"Where the fuck have you been?!"
He started fucking my brain cells out it
went for a few minutes before I heard him
curse
Him:"Fuck I don't wanna-"
He pulled out I turned and held his
manhood in a certain way that won't make
him want to cum. I kissed him
Him:"Nkosazana where have you been?"
 I pushed him to the bed and climbed on
top I slowly sat on him and started riding
him.
Him:"Shit Star!"
He held my waist directing me thinking
he's in control but I was. We went on for a
few minutes before reaching our
destination I flopped next to him feeling
exhausted.
I woke up to my ringing phone it was Mr
B I blushed
Me:"Mr B"
I heard him chuckle
Him:"Beautiful how are you doing?"
Me:"I'm fine thanks and you?"
Him:"I'm also fine I got your text hows
your dad?"
Me:"He's in a coma no news yet his
condition hasn't changed"
Him:"I'm sorry Star"
Me:"Its fine"
Him:"How's the little one"
I giggled
Me:"The little one is treating mommy
okay but he's making mommy miss work"
He laughed that made me blush even
more
Him:"It's for the best you work too hard
when you come back I'm taking you out
for dinner and pampering you up. And
that's not up for discussion"
I giggled hiding my face into my pillow
Me:"I won't even try to fight it I need
some pampering"
Him:"Good! Look I gotta go enjoy your
day okay?"
Me:"Okay you too and thanks for the call"
Him:"My pleasure boo. Bye now"
 I hung up I screamed into my pillow damn
that guy! I heard someone clear their
throat I jumped out of bed I thought I was
alone.
Me:"Geez you scared me Nkanyiso! What
are you still doing here?"
He stared at me he looked kinda pissed
off
Me:"I'm gonna go take a bath please
close the door on your way"
I was about to open the bathroom door
when he opened his mouth
Him:"So its like that?"
Me:"What did you want it to be like? We
slept together nothing else we're both
adults here just get dressed and leave. I
told you I don't want you like that but you
decided to throw yourself at me I'm
pregnant I have needs so it happened but
it ends there"
Him:"Wow!"
Me:"Sounds familiar? That's what you
men say to women after sleeping with
them"
I went in and shut the door behind me.
We slept together so what?! Its life I
wasn't gonna allow another man to play
me the way Thabo played. I was DONE!
Insert 11
Later that day M sent Sbu to come fetch
me apparently dad had been moved to a
normal room he was out of the coma I
was dressed in a peach dress with slides
my make up wasn't too much I went for
the natural look I was feeling good the
sex did me good. I took my bag and a
jacket Sbu was waiting for me with my
cousin. Me:"Beautiful people"
Cuz:"Someone is in a good mood"
I giggled
Me:"Its a beautiful day"
Her:"And you're glowing!!"
I giggled hiding my face in the jacket I
was holding
Me:"Can we go?!"
Her:"Who is he?"
I laughed and looked at Sbu
Me:"Can we go?"
He nodded he looked rather down he
drove us to the mall my cousin was
nagging me the whole way there wanting
to know who he was and stuff but I didn't
tell her anything. We waited for her
outside whilst she went to buy inside
SBU:"You good?"
Me:"Yeah I am and you?"
He shook his head and turned to look at
me I was sitting at the back
Him:"What did you do to Nka?"
Me:"I beg your pardon"
Him:"He's not himself Star whatever you
did to him when he was at the BnB
crashed him and because of that we're
leaving tonight"
I nodded and looked out the window I
thought they were here for "moral support"
why must they leave after Nkanyiso has
slept with me or was that the plan from the
go.
SBU:"You're a beautiful intelligent woman
but I don't know what my friend sees in
you cause I know he sees beyond those
things"
I looked at Sbu in shock
Him:"Yes Star I get it you're pregnant but
the way your moods change is pretty
annoying one minute you're nice the next
you're rude. I tried snooping why you're
like this which was wrong to do but I just
wanted to know why you treat people the
way you treat them and I get it now but
still Star its wrong. You should learn a
thing or two from your brother because
he's the only reason I'll tolerant your
moods"
I just looked at him and looked away I
had nothing to say to him what he said to
me really hurt my feelings but I wasn't
gonna give him the benefit of a doubt.
Sihle came back from the shops she
handed me a chocolate
Her:"Now are you gonna tell me who he
is?"
I laughed shaking my head
Me:"But thanks for the chocolate"
Her:"Please cause you sex glowing"
Me:"Siphesihle!"
She laughed
Her:"What?! Its the truth! Sbu tell her"
Him:"Don't involve me please"
Her:"Arg you guys are boring!"
Sbu went to drop us off at the hospital
Sihle took me to dads room the family was
there praying I went to stand next to M
who wasn't praying but had his head
bowed. When he saw me he pulled me
closer and kissed my forehead the prayer
went on and on until I decided to pray with
M was so bored. Mom sang dads song
and we all sang along
Her:"Wake up babakhe I still need you
here with me I still need you my husband"
I walked out I couldn't stand any longer
my munchie wanted mommy to sit down.
Uncle T stopped me asking where I was
going I told him I need to sit down he told
my male cousin to get up for me but he
didn't want to. Why am I not surprised?!
Me:"Its fine uncle I'll sit there for a few
and come back again"
He nodded I walked outside to where I
was sitting in the wee hours. I needed to
get my act together I wasn't like this I
changed and by everyone's opinions its
clear I changed for the worst. I took my
phone and called him.
Him:"What?"
I swallowed the lump in my throat
Me:"I wanted to apologise for earlier"
Him:"Okay"
Me:"Nkanyiso-"
Him:"I said okay what more do you want
from me?"
Ouch! I swallowed again
Me:"Okay"
I hung up I took a deep breath
Me:"He's not a factor in your life Star
don't let another Thabo bring you down"
I nodded to my words when I looked up I
found my brother standing there watching
me.
Him:"Wanna talk about it?"
I shrugged
Me:"Am I a bad person?"
He sat next to me
Him:"Why?"
Me:"Just answer me"
He sighed
Him:"You changed"
Me:"So I am a bad person"
He held my hands
Him:"Star before the whole affair and
pregnancy you weren't like this yes you've
always aimed high hence you have a
successful career but you never looked
down on others. You were dating Thabo
that must mean something! You became
cold after the affair and after finding out
you're pregnant you became worse, I
don't blame you with everything this family
has done to you I don't blame why you
turned out like this but you're an adult Star
you choose your own path. You should
choose yours"
I nodded and took a deep breath
Me:"I slept with Nkanyiso and afterwards
treated him like trash"
I said that really fast with my eyes closed
I kept quiet I slowly opened my eyes he
broke into a fit. I pushed him away from
me but he pulled me closer and held his
stomach I didn't find anything funny!!
Him:"Oh my God!!"
He carried on laughing I even laughed
along with him
Me:"Stop it!"
Him:"Okay. Okay"
He wiped his tears. Arg drama queen!!
Him:"After the arguments and not wanting
him you actually gave him some sugar?!"
I kept a straight face
Him:"Damn! I gotta call him!! That man is
a fucking God!! He needs to give me
some tips damn he doesn't give up"
He took out his phone I snatched it from
him
Me:"Don't you dare!"
Him:"But damn sis!"
Me:"M!"
Him:"Sorry. What do you mean treated
him like trash?"
I bit my tongue
Me:"I told him to get dressed and leave"
Him:"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
Me:"I know I was wrong and I apologised
but I think he's still mad"
Him:"That's fucken understandable I'd be
furious! You treated him like some piece
of shit you took from the street"
Me:"I told him I don't want him M"
Him:"Why did you sleep with him?"
Me:"I was horny!"
He sighed and ran his hand through his
fade
Him:"I don't know Star I really don't"
I sighed
Me:"If I call him again do you think he'll
forgive me?"
Him:"I don't know but why do you want
his forgiveness?"
I shrugged my shoulders
Him:"Go to him. Give the man some
sugar!"
He cracked up again I shoved him
playfully
Him:"Apologise one last time and move
on you need to heal Star don't rush into
things"
I nodded and gave him a hug
Me:"Thank you"
Him:"Yeah sure whatever!"
We got up and went back inside the
family members were chatting I saw an
empty chair and sat down.
Aunt:"Feeling better now?"
I nodded
Me:"I'm fine this fella is heavy"
I was brushing my belly she laughed
Her:"That's how it is my baby if you need
anything call me okay even if its 2 in the
morning"
I smiled a genuine smile
Me:"I will thanks that means a lot to me"
She nodded with a sweet smile for 6
months I've been on my own with the
pregnancy no one was there to guide me I
had to guide myself so that really meant a
lot to me. Mom was looking at me with a
look I didn't like at all. She shook her head
and looked back at dad I got a feeling that
she was disappointed in me but I didn't do
anything wrong!
Her:"Have you checked on your sister?"
The room went dead quiet I shook my
head
Her:"You should she needs your support
more than ever now"
I nodded. Why was she doing this to
me?! The atmosphere in the room was
tense and I felt like crying
Her:"Especially now that her husband
was beaten up by your people"
M:"Ma would you shut up!"
Gasps went off I looked at him
Uncle Joe:"Boy don't-"
M:"Why not? No one here wants to stand
up for Star"
Uncle T:"Boy You better shu-"
Sihle:"But dad what M is saying is true"
Mom:"Shut up wena! You're a child!"
Sihle walked out of there looking cheeky
as ever I got up too I wasn't gonna sit in
that room and pretend like everything was
okay. I walked out without saying anything
to anyone. I didn't see myself going back
there for me all roads led home.
I found Sihle at the reception
Me:"Boo how about we go hang out
before I go"
She nodded she was Buhle's age but she
didn't wanna hear that she was older than
her by 4 months.
Her:"Please before I strangle someone"
I chuckled I requested for an Uber
Her:"You paying I'm broke"
Me:"You bought me chocolate of course
I'm paying"
Her:"Can you invite Sbu? Please"
I looked at her in shock
Her:"What?! He's cute!"
No he wasn't!!! She went on and on about
him the way she was talking about him
you'd swear she was talking about a
prince she went on to say he told her he
was a taxi driver. I was shocked to hear
that she didn't care about that she just
liked the guy and here I was having a
problem with Nkanyiso being a taxi driver
Insert 12
"Star! Star!"
I slowly opened my eyes it was still dark
outside we were driving back home we left
M behind those two had to go back to
work and I opt to leave with them there
was nothing left for me there.
Me:"Mhm?"
Sbu: "We at the garage do you need
anything?"
I yawned and sat up
Me:"Its fine I'll get myself"
I got out of the car with the fleece I
started at the bathroom and went on to
buy myself something to eat I went back
to the car Nkanyiso was standing alone
smoking his eyes were glued on me. I
opened the back door and placed the
plastic there
Me:"Can we talk?"
Him:"I'm smoking"
Me:"It's fine you'll listen. Look I'm sorry
about how I treated you I really am I hope
we can put this behind us and the fact that
we slept together"
He nodded I sighed
Me:"Thanks"
I was about to get in when he stopped me
Him:"Is Mr B in your league seeing that
I'm not?"
I swallowed I was not expecting that I lied
and said no I didn't wanna hurt his
feelings. I slipped back in after smoking
he also got in we waited for Sbu
Him:"How's our prince?"
Me:"My bundle is okay"
He chuckled
Him:"You just wanted to put it out there
that he's yours"
I chuckled
Me:"He is mine and I'd never confuse my
baby"
Him:"No one said confuse your baby"
We looked at each other
Him:"Why are you fighting this
Nkosazana?"
Me:"I'm not fighting anything"
Him:"So you don't want me?"
Me:"I don't"
Him:"Pity I ain't going anywhere"
I looked out the window but he didn't look
away I could feel his eyes on me I looked
at him.
Me:"I don't understand why you don't
wanna leave me alone its not like I led you
on or something! I'm not the one for you
I'd never be Nkanyiso me and you we're
from two different worlds"
Him:"And we're about to merge them and
make them one. I'm not giving up on you
even if it means
I have to pick up the pieces that idiot left
behind but I ain't giving up"
Something set up in me I stared at this
gorgeous idiot in front of me who's voice
was deadly I've tried everything to push
this man away instead of leaving and
giving up he's pushing forward. I watch
him get up from his seat and coming
forward he pecked my lips and moved
back to his seat.
Him:"I could kiss all day"
Me:"Don't make me open a case against
you Nkanyiso"
Him:"I don't care I'm still not leaving you
alone"
Sbu got into the car I pulled the fleece up
and looked away, Nkanyiso was so
stubborn!! Damn! I touched my lips trailing
my fingers where his soft juicy lips
touched. I need to get my act together
what's wrong with me?!!
Those two went on chatting like I wasn't
even there they were talking about girls
and parties
Sbu:"What happened to that chick you
use to fuck?"
Nka:"She's still around"
They fist bumped laughing.
 Nka:"She comes
over from time to
time" That didn't
sit well with me.
Sbu:" We all know Ntombi is the wife"
Nkanyiso chuckled. I was waiting for him
to comment on that but he didn't. Why
wasn't he saying anything?!! So he has a
girlfriend?!! Why is this bothering me?!!
Me:"Can you switch on the heater its
kinda cold"
Nkanyiso switched it on
Him:"You good?"
No I'm not!! You have Ntombi!!
Me:"I'll be fine"
He nodded and went back to his friend
they went on talking about cars and the
taxi business I was stuck on the Ntombi
part and the other chick. I slept with this
man without protection how can I be so
stupid?!! Why would a good looking guy
like him be single?! I'm sure those high
school kids were throwing themselves at
him and these young ladies too! Being a
man I'm sure he was not resisting. Damn
I'm stupid!
Him:"Star has a boyfriend!"
He blunted out to his friend I sat up to
look at his tipsy self yep he was drinking.
Him:"He goes by the name Mr B seeing
that we're all friends here why don't you
tell us about your boyfriend Star"
Since when am I Star to him?!! And why
is he doing this to me?!!
Me:"He's not my boyfriend"
Him:"You were blushing to his call you
even screamed"
Sbu:"Nka"
Him:"Its cool"
They both went quiet wait what just
happened?!! Did I just get-... What the
hell?!!!
No one said anything for the rest of the
ride it was dead quiet even the radio was
off. Sbu drove straight to my place it was
about 8 in the morning he parked the car
Him:"Here are the keys"
I took them from him
Me:"Thanks guys"
Him:"Let's go"
Nka:"I need to have a moment with Star"
Me:"No you don't"
Him:"Yes I do"
Sbu:"Nkanyiso can you please leave
cheese girl alone you can see she's too
high for you"
We both looked at him I didn't like what
he just called me I looked at Nkanyiso
who rather didn't look pleased by his
friend. He nodded and followed after his
friend leaving me standing there like a
biltong dry and all. I went inside my house
and locked the door feeling like shit why
did he just walk away?!! Or maybe he's
going back to Ntombi? Arg I just hate
her!!!
I took out my phone and called Mr B but it
went straight to voicemail I tried again but
same thing. I'm a pathetic lonely bitch!!! I
felt like crying I went to his number but I
couldn't press the call button I threw my
phone on the side. He has Ntombi!
Me:"Arg!!!"
Insert 13
The walls were suffocating me I could no
longer stay in that house the silence was
just too loud I've fallen asleep twice sat
with bowl after bowl in front of the TV I
couldn't no more I had to get out or else I
was gonna go crazy. After bathing I face
beat myself and wore my best clothes I'm
a "cheese girl" so why not?! I took my bag
and took a taxi to the rank there was no
line it was in the afternoon.
"Nkosazana is this you?! Awu!"
He held his head I giggled genuinely this
time it was that taxi driver he was always
here!
Him:"You taking yourself out or going on
a date? Nka is not here"
I looked at him what does Nka have to do
with this?!
Me:"I'm taking myself. Bye"
I got in the taxi it was almost full a girl
with a baby sat next to me.
Her:"Hi sisi'
Me:"Hey"
 She looked too young to have a baby I
wasn't judging cause I didn't know how
she got pregnant I felt sorry for her.
Me:"How old is she?"
She giggled
Her:"Its a boy"
Me:"Aww really he's so cute! May I?"
She nodded I took him from her he
squealed
Me:"Hey nunus! Hey nunus! He's so
cute!"
She smiled I took out a marshmallow
from my bag don't ask why I have those in
my bag. I'm pregnant!!
Me:"Can I give him or?"
She nodded I gave it to him playing with
him I didn't care even if he made me dirty
soon I'll also be having my buddle. Geez I
didn't even have a name yet!!
Me:"What's his name?"
Her:"Sphamandla"
Me:"Beautiful name"
Her:"Thank you sisi"
I nodded and continued playing with her
son I paid for the both of us she thanked
me countless times I wanted to ask more
maybe I could help but I didn't wanna
overstep boundaries and we were in a taxi
people were listening.
Me:"Can I have your number?"
Her:"I don't have a cell phone"
Bummer!! I nodded and gave her Spha
because I was gonna get out
Me:"Are you in a hurry? We could grab
lunch. Please"
She shook her head okay she didn't trust
me understandable
Me:"We'll be surrounded by people"
 After begging she finally agreed I got a
vibe from her that she wasn't okay
something was wrong, we went to have
lunch at a restaurant I ordered for us
because she wasn't familiar with the
menu.
Me:"My name is Star"
I briefed her about myself she was
nodding the whole time
Me:"How old are you?"
Her:"15"
I swallowed hard. Oh God!!
Me:"Are you okay?"
She looked around Spha was fast asleep
in my arms
Me:"Amanda"
That was her name
Her:"I'll be fine sisi"
Me:"So I must let you walk in these
dangerous streets with this baby?"
She looked down playing with her fingers
this girl was not okay!
Her:"They chased me away from home
because of Spha... I'm young sisi Spha
was a mistake I don't want him I don't
want to be a mom. My aunt is willing to
take me in but without Spha I'll go drop
him off somewhere I want to go back to
school but he's-... I don't want him"
She broke down I didn't know whether to
comfort her or slap her for wanting to drop
a 10 month baby "somewhere" I waited for
her to finish crying I didn't get up from my
chair to comfort her.
Her:"I'm sorry"
Me:"Its fine. Where is the father?"
Her:"He ran away"
Me:"His family?"
Her:"He's not from here. He's from
Congo"
I nodded I reached for her hand
Me:"I don't know what to say baby but
throwing your child away is not the way
this is an innocent soul lovey-"
Her:"I know that but I can't live in the
streets no!! I don't want him sis'Star"
I sighed I really didn't know what to say
Me:"Let's take him to the police station-"
Her:"No!"
Me:"We'll say we picked him up"
She shook her head crying
Me:"Did the father force you?"
She shook her head
Her:"He said I must show him how much I
love him"
 I cursed under my breath. Bastard!!! I
took a deep breath I kept quiet for a few
she was sniffing
Me:"Amanda you can come stay with me"
She shook her head
Her:"If I give him away and stay with my
aunt my parents will see how sorry I am
and take me back.
I can't"
I nodded we ate our food in silence my
forwardness just landed me in hot water
after the main we got desert Spha had
waken up. Me:"So what now?"
She shrugged her shoulders
Me:"I'm gonna give you my numbers and
address... Hope I won't regret this. I'm
gonna take him Amanda I'm giving you a
month a MONTH to decide if you not
contacting me after a month I'm giving him
away to the social workers. I hope you
think carefully about this baby's are gifts
don't matter how they were made but
they're gifts"
She nodded uncontrollably I sighed I
hoped I wasn't gonna regret this I gave
her my details everything I thought was
gonna help whenever she wanted her
baby back. We took a walk around the
mall buying baby things because Spha
had nothing at all just a small bag, I asked
for her details and gave her money.
Me:"If she's treating you badly use this
money and come live with me okay?"
She nodded she was starting again with
the tears I took her to the taxi rank I didn't
know what I was doing but I was doing it.
She didn't kiss him goodbye or even hold
his hand my heart broke into pieces.
After seeing her off I requested an uber
Me:"You must be tired"
 The uber got there and we left I texted M
telling him about this but he didn't
respond. Oh well!
It was at past 12 mid night when Spha
was crying hysterically I didn't even know
what to do I myself was on the verge of
crying I tried calling M but he's phone
went straight to voice mail. With no other
choice I dialed Nka's number but he didn't
pick up I tried again still nothing I went for
the 3rd time. "He's fast asleep"
Woman's voice!!!!
Me:"Wake him up! Tell him our cousin is
dying please!!"
I hung up trying to hush Spha. I was
moving around the house trying to calm
him down his temperature was high I
seriously didn't know what to do!!!
A hard knock shook me
"Star?!!!Star!!"
 I jumped and went to open for him when I
saw him I broke down. Don't you dare ask
me why but I did
Him:"What's going on?"
I gave him Spha
Me:"I don't know what to do with him. He
won't stop crying"
He left me in the lounge I sat down and
continued to cry if I couldn't take care of a
10 month baby how was I gonna take care
of my baby? Was I gonna call people like
this?!! I don't even like Nkanyiso but I had
the guts to call him that's how disparate I
was.
After about an hour he came back looking
like hell I got up
Me:"How is he?"
He threw himself on the couch I sat next
to him
Him:"Sound asleep. The panado did him
good he'll be fine stop stressing its not
good for the baby" I nodded sitting back
Me:"You probably think I'm the worst
mother"
Him:"Of course not! I'd never think that of
you just tell me where you got that boy"
I told him everything about the situation
and he was listening so attentively I went
on and on. And on!! He chuckled
Me:"what?"
Him:"You can talk!"
I laughed shoving him
Him:"Underneath this tough cookie act is
a sweet caring woman"
I giggled blushing. Why was I blushing?!!
Me:"Mxm"
Him:"I need to get going"
Me:"Stay"
 He looked at me in shock I myself was
shocked
Me:"I mean-... Erh what if he wakes up-"
Him:"Nkosazana?"
I sighed
Me:"Please. It gets lonely here with M
there I'm all alon-"
Him:"I'll stay"
We stared at each other I was looking
straight into his eyes and it felt like I was
getting to know the real Nkanyiso. It felt
different I can't explain it! Gosh!!!
He slowly came forward I froze why am I
allowing this?!!! He placed his cold lips on
mine I was breathing heavily not knowing
what to do.
Him:"Do you want this?"
He whispered against my lips I held his
hand
Me:"Nka"
I whispered back
Him:"Nkosazana"
He's breath was hitting on my face we
were basically breathing the same air.
Him:"This needs to stop we're both adults
Star we can't be playing marbles. I want
you and I want you badly"
My hand moved up to his face I caressed
his cheek and pecked his lips.
Me:"Your girlfriend is waiting for you at
home"
I moved back creating space between us
Him:"Nkosazana I-... She's-... I"
Me:"No need to explain Nkanyiso. I
think I'll be able to take care of Spha
you may leave" Insert 14
I was fixing Spha's bottles when a knock
came through I hurriedly went to open I
already knew whom it was and I was
expecting him. It was the following day
and Spha was fast asleep no hassles
whatsoever. I opened for him it was
raining I moved out of the way
Me:"Hey"
Him:"This rain is not playing. Hey
beautiful"
He kissed my cheek and took off his coat.
I blushed but hid it from him
Me:"How are you doing?"
Him:"I'm good and you?"
Me:"Tired as hell but okay"
He frowned looking at me
Me:"What?"
He pointed at the bottle I chuckled
Me:"Anything to drink I'll tell you all about
it"
We went to the kitchen he offered to
make me hot chocolate and coffee for
himself. I was kinda embarrassed
because I was still in my gown but Mr B
didn't even seen to care. I told him all
about Amanda and Spha
Him:"Bad move"
I frowned we moved to the lounge
Him:"What if she comes back claiming
you stole the baby?"
Me:"I didn't think of that"
Him:"I say let's go to the police station or
social workers, adopt the baby and keep it
for the girl" Me:"That won't work. I'm
pregnant and single so how am I gonna
take care of two little ones? Financially I'm
stable but you know these things take
time"
He nodded sipping his coffee
 Him:"If you like the boy and want to keep
him I can help you get him legally. You got
this girl's details right?"
I nodded
Him:"I'll help you we can go now"
I gasped I was not ready for that I didn't
even know if I wanted Spha as mine. I
shook my head
Him:"We'll say were engaged and all yes
it's wrong but it's better than you going to
jail"
I sighed heavily. Yes its better but still!!!
Me:"There's beef stew and dumpling"
He laughed
Him:"You always do this when you're not
sure about something even in meetings"
I laughed. That was true and it felt like we
were talking about the next business deal
but we weren't.
Me:"Mxm"
He got up and went to the kitchen I sat
there going over this if I adopt him I can
always give him back to Amanda but if I
give away she might never have him
back, I don't know her very well heck I
don't even know that girl what if she goes
to the police and say I took her baby she
has my contact details and address!! Mr B
came back with 2 plates for me and him
Him:"There you go this smells heavenly"
Me:"Thanks. I'm in let's go take care of
business I can't go down for something I
didn't do"
He nodded with a mouthful. We
strategize on how we were gonna do
things him helping me out and stuff, after
eating I got up to go take a bath
Him:"Let me go fetch my laptop I need to
go over things"
 I nodded I went to check up on Spha and
he was still asleep. I took a long hot bath
that I needed I was putting so much strain
on my body and baby one that wasn't
needed my doctor told me to take things
easy but here I was moving up and down
like a crazy person.
I went back to my room that boy was still
sleeping I checked on him if he was still
alive and he was. I wore undies and took
out a peach bandage dress
"Star!!"
I wore my gown and went to Mr B. I
cursed under my breath. Dammit
Nkanyiso!!
Me:"Hey"
Him:"Hi"
We looked at each other Mr B was
seated on the couch busy on his laptop.
Nkanyiso looked at Mr B they looked at
each other. OKAY!!!
Me:"Erh this is Nkanyiso my brother's
friend and Nkanyiso this is-"
MrB:"Michael Brown"
Nkanyiso looked at me
Him:"How's Spha?"
Me:"He's okay"
Him:"Can I see him?"
Me:"He's sleeping Nkanyiso"
Him:"I'm not gonna wake him up Star I
just wanna see the boy"
Mr B looked at us and went back to his
laptop. I sighed Nkanyiso was just being
difficult for nonsense Spha was asleep
and he was just gonna wake up the boy.
Me:"Follow me"
I led him to my bedroom.
Me:"Next time call don't just show up at
my door step"
Him:"Mxm"
He passed me and went to Spha
Him:"Did he wake up last night?"
Me:"No he didn't"
He nodded
Him:"So that's the famous Mr B?"
I didn't answer him. It's none of his
business! I took off my gown and started
applying lotion on my body.
Him:"How are you gonna take care of two
babies?"
I shrugged my shoulder
Me:"I'm hoping Amanda comes to her
senses and take him back"
I placed my leg on the dresser chair
Him:"So-.. Erh what if-... What if she-...
She doesn't"
I looked at him
Me:"I don't know haven't thought that far"
Him:"Want me to help?"
I couldn't reach my toes!! I wasn't even
that big!! I nodded
Me:"Let me get dress-"
He was already next to me I frowned.
Wtf?!! He went on his knees
Me:"Nkanyiso let me first get dressed"
Him:"I've seen you naked stop being a
drama queen"
Me:"Excuse me?"
He pushed me to sit on the chair and took
the lotion.
Him:"You heard me"
 Instead of lotioning my feet he massaged
it. I looked at him I won't lie I was enjoying
it!
Him:"So you shaved"
My mouth went hanging I got tongue tied
why was he even looking there.
Him:"For him?"
I shook my head. Who's him?!!
Him:"Me?"
Me:"Can you finish up?"
He chuckled and nodded. He placed my
foot down, took the other one and did the
same thing. The way his eyes kept going
back to my crotch was making me hot the
temperature was surely rising in that
room.
I discreetly moved my leg to the side
giving him a better view his eyes went
straight there the moist came running out
of me. I pulled my leg from him
Me:"Thanks"
I stood up and walked to where my dress
was hanging. He held me from behind I
could feel him poking me
Him:"What game are you playing?"
He squeezed my boobs I pushed my ass
into him. He groaned
Him:"Nkosazana"
Me:"I'm in a hurry Nka I can't do this"
The lies I was telling!!!! Of course I can
do this!!
Him:"Please"
Me:"Where's the girl you were with last
night?"
Him:"She went home"
 He pulled my thong down I moved my
legs for him to completely remove it.
Me:"Me and Mr B are going to the police
station for Spha I can't do this"
Him:"A quickie"
He rubbed himself on the crack of my butt
a moaned escaped my lips I pushed my
behind to him
Me:"Nka"
Him:"Mhm?"
He was rubbing himself I lifted my leg to
give him access
Me:"Make it quick"
He made me bend over before entering I
moaned softly holding it in.
Me:"Gosh that feels good"
Him:"And you missing out on so much
more because of your stubbornness"
 He started out slowly I was meeting his
strokes. He unexpectedly pulled out and
shoved himself back in I moaned out loud
he did it again I held my mouth to stop
from being loud.
He started going strong I couldn't control
my moans I could only hold my mouth he
took my hands away from my mouth
Me:"Nka!"
Him:"Be loud let him hear how good I
make you feel so he can stay the fuck
away!"
I moaned. No man this man was killing
me!!!! How can one be so good?!!
I held my mouth to stop them he pulled
out I looked at him tears were at the
bridge of my eyes
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"Don't"
They rolled down. Don't you dare ask me
why I was crying?!! But I was
Me:"Nkanyiso please"
He ran it up and down my folds
Me:"I can't okay. There's a child in the
room. What if he wakes up and sees
this?"
He looked over at Spha and he was still
asleep. My legs were shaking I couldn't
stand any longer I pushed me away and
stood tall still crying.
Him:"Baby"
He pushed me to the wall and lifted my
leg I felt him go in.
Him:"I'm sorry"
We went on for a few minutes before
reaching the greatest destination of life!
I sat on top of the bed to calm down and
get my breathing back in order.
Me:"I hate you"
He chuckled
Me:"Its either you gonna bring yours or I
buy my own because this sleeping with
you without protection is deadly. I don't
know how many hoes you sleep with and
here I am having unprotected sex with
you"
He chuckled and moved closer
Him:"So this won't stop? Why are they
hoes or is it because you jealous?"
I pushed him away from me and got up
wearing my gown
Me:"It has to stop because me and
Michael will be adopting Spha as a
engaged couple. This needs to stop as I
said call first don't just show up"
He kept quiet and stared at me I picked
up my under clothes.
Me:"Can you get dressed?"
 Him:"So the only thing I'm good enough
for to you is making you cum? I'll never be
good enough to date you, father your kids
and everything?"
I side eyed him and picked up his clothes
Me:"Don't complicate things"
He got up and stood in front of me
Him:"I wanna know so I can never set
foot here again cause what I'm getting
here is the same thing I'm getting outside"
Me:"Than what are you doing here naked
if its the same?"
Him:"You threw yourself at me and as a
man I caught"
I gasped
Him: "Sounds familiar?"
I shoved his clothes at him and walked
away but he pulled him back.
 Him:"The same way I can lose you is the
same as you can lose me. You need me
as much as I need you"
Spha started crying I went to him and
took him into my arms Nkanyiso got
dressed.
Him:"Hey big boy! Mommy isn't smelling
nice nhe? I know"
I chuckled
Me:"Fuck you"
Him:"Language Nkosazana"
He pecked Spha and then me. We not
dating stop!!!
Him:"You need to make up your mind
cause that small dicked white boy won't
be big dicked Nkanyiso. I'm tired of this
game its either me or him I understand
you just left something fucked up but let
me glue you back. It won't be the same
but please"
 He gave me a full wet kiss and walked
out.
Insert 15
2 weeks later...
I was seated on my couch with a pillow
supporting my back Spha was on the
carpet playing I was surprised that he still
had energy left in him after playing with M
like that.
In the 2 weeks a lot has happened dad
was gonna be fine M was the one
updating me about his health he was still
my dad and I still cared even though he
hurt me, me and mom were still not on
good terms I don't think we'll ever be back
to the way we used to be and I was okay
with that. In the 2 week M stayed with me
only for a week he was not happy about
Spha but strangely enough he couldn't get
enough of him he sometimes slept with
him. The adoption was in progression
thanks to Mr B and his connections Spha
was gonna be mine hopefully Amanda
was gonna be back for him because I only
had 2 months left to give birth.
I got up from the couch and dragged
myself to the kitchen lucky for me M
washed the dishes before leaving I was so
bored I absolutely had nothing to do I just
wanted to go back to work this sitting
around was not for me. I heard some
noise I rushed to the lounge because I left
the door open.
Me:"Oh my God!!"
It was Nkanyiso he was bleeding I rushed
to him
Him:"Lock the door"
I did as told and rushed back to him. I
haven't seen him for 2 weeks and when I
finally see him he's bleeding.
Me:"We need to get you to the hospital"
He shook his head. Wtf?!!!
Him:"No!"
Be groaned in pain I held my waist not
knowing what to do. For real what does
one do?!
Me:"Nkany-"
Him:"I said no hospital Star! Now help
me!"
Me:"How?!!"
Him:"Bathroom and take this shit out"
Me:"You crazy I'm no doct-"
The looked he gave me made me shut my
mouth a shiver went down my spin. I
helped him up and took him to the
bathroom he was groaning all the way
there. I was shaking in my boots
Me:"Tell me what to do"
Him:"First aid kit do you have it?"
 I nodded and went to fetch it he made me
take out a bullet that was in his arm I
bandaged his arm the dress I was wearing
was covered in his blood. I got up and
took Spha who was playing next to us
hopefully he'll never remember this.
I went to my room and took off that dress
I was still shaking never in my life have I
done something like that. I sat down and
just broke down I couldn't believe
Nkanyiso made me do that!
"Star"
I sniffed and looked up at him
Him:"I'm sorry but I couldn't go anywhere
this was the only place"
Me:"What's going on?"
He came to sit next to me and held my
hand
Him:"The taxi's are fighting"
 Me:"But why? Aren't you all friends the
way you open spaces for each other in the
roads"
He shook his head and dropped it
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"Mhm?"
Me:"Talk to me. Please"
He ran his hands on his face and sighed.
I placed my hand on his back
Him:"There are different taxi associates
we don't get along not always just from
time to time and this happens"
I went mute I didn't know that I didn't
know what to say I guess I really was a
cheese girl. I got up from the bed and
looked for something to wear
Him:"Can I ask for a favour?"
I swallowed hard and nodded
 Him:"Can I crash here just for today
tomorrow I'm gonna check the coast"
I nodded took out a adidas T-shirt and
gave it to him.
Me:"Wear this"
I went back for my dress I wore and went
to sit next to him.
Me:"Are you gonna be fine?"
He nodded
Him:"I need a nap"
He got up and took off his pants. Haven't
even agreed!!!
Me:"Yeah sure"
He got in bed. I was gonna say use M's
room you idiot!! He winked at me giving
me a faint smile
Him:"The least you could do is give me a
kiss"
 Me:"Arg"
Him:"Just in
case I don't
wake up" My
eyes went big!
What?!!
Me:"Don't play like that Nkanyiso"
He pouted for a kiss
Me:"Mxm"
I took Spha with me he was getting
restless
Him:"Shake that ass Nkosazana"
I stopped and looked at him he had this
big smile but it disappeared when he
looked in my face, he sat up straight with
a lot of groaning.
Him:"I'm sorry"
I nodded
Him:"Nkosazana"
Me:"Its okay"
I walked away. It was not okay!!! It will
never be okay!!! He's busy making jokes
and I'm scared as hell!! What if they come
to finish him off? Or he doesn't wake up?
Or tomorrow he doesn't come back? What
then?!!
I fixed Spha's bottle and fed him I don't
understand why kids become so restless
before falling asleep.
I went to bed with him Nkanyiso was
laying there staring at the ceiling. I
placed Spha next to him and joined them
Him:"I'm sorry"
Me:"I said-"
Him:"I can see you're not okay"
I blinked the tears away
Him:"Look at me"
I looked at him
Him:"I'm really sorry but you're the only
person I trust that won't sell me out I had
nowhere to run to Nkosazana"
Me:"Where are your friends and your
girlfriend?"
Him:"Right next to me. My friend and
girlfriend is right next to me"
I died a thousand deaths. Everything
stopped nothing existed besides him. This
guy knew which strings to pull to make my
heart tweak.
Me:"Nkanyiso don't"
Him:"I don't know why you fighting this
cause its clear you want this because if
you really wanted me to stay away you
would've made that restraining order
against me you would've done it a long
time ago but you don't want me to stay
away. I also don't wanna stay away
Nkosazana"
 I got up and moved to the window I was
getting vulnerable and I hated being
vulnerable!! That showed weakens!! And I
didn't want to be weak! Not again!
He stood next to me. I swallowed hard
and looked at him.
Me:"No. No Nkanyiso! No!"
Him:"Nkosazana"
Me:"Can you get out of my room and
move to the spare room because I'm not
sharing a bed with you. Now please read
my lips. I. Don't. Want. You."
He pulled me closer to him and kissed
me of course I kissed him back!
Him:"What do you call this?"
Me:"A weak woman who can't say no to
you but that doesn't mean I want you"
He nodded
Him:"I understand"
Me:"Thank you"
That night we slept in separated rooms I
won't call what I did sleeping because I
kept waking up worried about him. I don't
know what to call what I feel for him but its
not hate.
I heard a sound from the room he was
using I checked the time and it was 5:30 I
got up
Me:"Where are you going?"
Him:"I need to go check how things-"
Me:"Go back to bed Nkanyiso you not
going anywhere"
Him:"I can't-"
Me:"I wasn't asking you. Now get your ass
back in bed and if you dare leave... Yoh"
Him:"Star-"
Me:"Don't test me Nkanyiso!"
He chuckled
Him:"At least let me-"
Me:"You not sleeping in my bed"
He chuckled again I rolled my eyes I went
back to bed this time around I fell asleep I
woke much later it was 11 Spha wasn't
next to me I dragged myself out of that
room.
Me:"Hey"
Him:"Hey baby. Look who decided to
wake up boy? Look at that stuffed face"
Me:"Voetsek Nkanyiso"
He laughed shaking his head I went to
have a long needed bath and dressed
comfortably in tights and a vest.
Me:"So what are we eating?"
He chuckled he looked so different it
looked like he was free, happy and
relaxed.
Him:"I ate your breakfast because you
wouldn't wake up"
Me:"Nka!"
Him:"What?! But I cooked so"
Me:"You can cook?"
He looked at me weirdly
Him:"I live alone of course I can cook!"
Well I didn't know you live alone I thought
you live with Ntombi!!
I just looked at him
Him:"I'll be right back!"
He jumped out of the couch and went to
the kitchen.
Me:"Hey big boy! Come here"
I picked him up
Me:"Did dadd- erh did uncle Nka clean
you up? Did he?"
He giggled I was throwing him up I placed
him next to me. He looked so cute who
wouldn't want such a cute baby?! His
parents were crazy shame!
"There we go"
He placed a tray on my lap I looked at
him. Is this man serious?!!
Me:"Pizza?"
He sat next to me with Spha on his lap
Him:"Yep! I paid for it! Might as well made
it myself"
Me:"Thanks I guess"
I ate with him staring at me I was so
uncomfortable
Me:"Nka-"
Him:"I love you"
I choked on the pizza I coughed
uncontrollably he brought me water
 Him:"Okay that was not the reaction I was
looking for"
Me:"Nkanyiso you kn-"
He pulled me up and held me. It felt right
being so close to him yet so wrong.
Him:"Look at this me, you, Spha and this
fella"
He brushed my belly.
Me:"And Ntombi"
Him:"What about her?"
Me:"I can't"
Him:"Baby"
I removed his arm.
Him:"I love you"
Gun shots started firing outside
Him:"Get down!!!"
Insert 16
"Star"
My head is spinning I'm on the floor
holding a crying Spha my legs are numb
and tears are streaming down my face.
Him:"Nkosazana"
He whispered again he was behind me I
didn't answer nor look at him. I've told him
countless times to stay away from me!!
But he didn't and now this. The gunshots
have gone quiet outside but we could hear
people talking Nkanyiso jumped over me.
Him:"Oh shit!! The taxi!! Dammit!"
I was shaking on the floor never in my
entire life have I been that scared. He took
Spha from me because he wouldn't stop
crying, I tried pulling my body up but I
couldn't.
Him:"Let me help"
He placed Spha on the couch
and helped me up my legs were
shaking. Him:"I'm sorry about
this they probably saw my taxi
and thought I was inside"
I nodded and dragged myself to my room
I started taking clothes out.
Him:"Where are you going?"
I didn't answer him I packed Spha's
clothes
Me:"You can put him on the bed"
He placed him on the bed no lies he was
good with Spha like really good.
Me:"Please get out of my house. Get out
of my life. Don't ever look in my direction
again. I never wanna see you again"
Him:"Nkosa-"
Me:"Please Nkanyiso"
I said through tears he came near but I
moved back. I wanted nothing to do with
this man ever again!!!
Him:"Don't do this please"
I shook my head wiping my tears
Me:"Get out"
Him:"I'll tell you everything just don't do
this"
Me:"I don't wanna know Nkanyiso"
Him:"In the shooting with the other drivers
I shot two of them and I think one is dead"
Me:"I don't care Nkanyiso!"
Him:"Star pl-"
I took my phone and went to my contacts.
Him:"Who are you calling?"
I ignored him
"Star"
Me:"Hey Michael can you come over as
in NOW"
Him:"What's going on?"
Tears went down my face
Me:"Please"
Him:"I'm on my way"
I hung up I could feel Nkanyiso's eyes on
me but I didn't give a damn
Him:"So it's like that you run to him"
Me:"I said get the fuck out!!!"
He stared at me! What does this man
want from me?!! What language does he
understand?!!
Him:"I'll leave"
I didn't even look at him I started packing
my clothes. Don't know whether to call it
bad luck or what but the people who
surrounds me always find a way to hurt
me.
It wasn't long before Michael got there
Nkanyiso had already left.
Him:"Hey are you okay?"
I shook my head
Me:"I just wanna get out of here"
Him:"Star"
Me:"Not now please I just wanna clear
my head. Take me to a BnB or
something"
Him:"Nonsense you'll crash at my place
until you figure things out"
Me:"I don't wann-"
Him:"Star you staying in my house now
come"
He took our bags and came back for
Spha I locked the house and followed him.
The drive to his house was quiet in my
head I was going over what took place.
How could Nkanyiso put our lives in
danger like that?! What if those men came
into my house and shot us all?! What
then?!!!
"Hey you crying"
 I wiped my tears off my hands were
shaking
Me:"Its nothing"
I heard him sigh we were parked in front
of his house
Him:"Something is clearly not right but I'm
not gonna push .Come"
He took Spha I also got out. His house
was big not that big but still bigger than
mine.
Him:"Welcome to my place"
I faked a smile. He stared at me his eyes
went to the door
Him:"Star-... Star I think you bleeding"
I looked back at the door and blood trials
were there and they were leading up to
me. I touched myself and my thighs were
soaked!
Me:"Oh my God!"
Him:"Come we need to get you to the
hospital"
I followed after him I wasn't in pain or
anything but I was in fear of losing my
baby.
Me:"Come on baby fight for mommy"
The amount of pain I was feeling
emotionally is undescribable look where
not taking things easy got me? I'm about
to loose my baby.
Him:"Feeling any pain?"
I shook my head
Me:"No but please drive faster I can't-... I
just can't. Not my baby"
Him:"Hang in there"
He was driving and making phone calls I
took my phone and called my brother.
Him:"Hey little one"
He sounded so jolly
 Me:"Hey"
Him:"What's up you don't sound like my
little sister?"
Me:"I'm bleeding Mr B is taking me to the
hospital"
Him:"What?!! Fuck! Are you in pain?"
Me:"No but I am scared Mpumelelo"
I heard him curse
Him:"I'm on my way sis. Damn! I love you
okay? I love you so much be strong Star"
I sniffed
Me:"I love you too"
Him:"Give the phone to Mr B"
Me:"Okay"
I gave the phone to him they spoke. I was
still not in pain instead I was getting
drowsy my head just wanted to lay down.
Him:"We almost there"
Me:"Okay wake me up when we get there
okay?"
Him:"Don't sleep Star! Keep woke!"
Me:"But Mich-"
Him:"No!"
I kept quiet and tried to stay awake but I
couldn't it was just too hard.
Me:"Michael"
Him:"Yes"
Me:"I can't feel my legs"
Him:"Shit! The doctors are expecting you
they'll help"
Me:"Wake me up when we get there"
Him:"Star!! We here! Don't fall asleep!"
I nodded I was feeling even more drowsy
my eyelids were pretty heavy I held my
belly.
 Me:"I love you baby. Mommy loves you
so much"
•••••••
I groaned wanting to turn my body but
excruciating pain stopped me my hand
moved to my tummy because that's where
the pain was coming from. I opened my
eyes feeling weak tears were burning my
eyes
"Star"
Me:"Whe- where's my- whe-"
Him:"Ssshhh he's fine. He's fine"
He held my hand as hot tears were down
I was thanking the Lord for saving my
baby giving me an opportunity to be a
mother a lot of women don't get the
second chance.
Him:"You did it sis you're now a mother"
I nodded
Me:"Can I see him?"
Him:"Let me get a nurse"
He kissed my hand and walked out. I'm a
mother. I'm a mother. I Star seNkosi am a
mother! I'm a mother guys!!!
I giggled as the realisation hit me. Wow!
M came back with a nurse I groaned still
in pain.
Me:"Hi"
Her:"Hi ma'am how are you feeling?"
Me:"It hurts"
She nodded dotting something down
Me:"Can I see my baby?"
Her:"I'm afraid you can't. Your c-section is
still fresh it might open up if you move
around and we can't bring him here
because he's in a cube"
Me:"Oh?"
Her:"Yes I'm sorry ma'-"
Me:"Star call me Star"
She nodded with a sweet smile.
Her:"Excuse me"
We nodded she left I looked at M
Me:"He's premature"
Him:"And he'll be fine"
I nodded through tears he wiped them off
giving me a kiss on the cheek.
Him:"Some big headed idiot will be calling
you mommy"
Me:"Fokof uncle M"
He chuckled
Him:"Finally someone will be calling me
uncle! You scared me sis"
Me:"I'm sorry"
Him:"Its cool thank God that white boy
was around!"
Me:"Don't! Where's Spha?"
Him:"At his dads family"
I frowned. Amanda came back?!
Me:"I beg your pardon?"
Him:"At Michael's sister his the father
right"
Me:"Oh! Now I get it"
He chuckled I looked at him like really
looked at him he didn't look okay at all.
Me:"Talk to me"
Him:"Its nothing"
Me:"M"
He sighed
Him:"I'm not gonna ruin this moment"
I stared at him
Him:"Nkanyiso is dead"
A gasp came from me
Me:"Don't play like that"
Him:"This thing with taxi drivers-"
Me:"I was with me yesterday"
Him:"You mean 2 days ago Star"
I shook my head as tears welled up
Nkanyiso can't be dead. No!! I refuse to
believe that!! Not my Nkanyiso!!
Him:"Sbu says he was shot and went into
hiding when he resurfaced he was shot
again this time more than before. No one
has seen him"
Me:"That doesn't mean he's dead!"
He nodded. Nkanyiso is not weak! He
wouldn't die just like that!!
Him:"I know but Sbu-"
Me:"Fuck Sbu! Nkanyiso is not dead.
He'd never leave me like that! He's
not dead" Insert 17
 3 days later I was still in the hospital and
in pain not that I was expecting to leave or
anything but being cut open was not my
ideal of giving birth but life happened. Mr
B and M have been amazing!! I was
expecting that from M he's my brother but
as for Michael? Was not expecting that!
He's been amazing and so supportive but
one thing I took note of was that we were
so different but as you know opposite
attract. My room was filled with flowers
and balloons you'd swear I had a lot of
friends and my family was active in my life
but those all came from 2 people.
I was busy on my tablet when M arrived
he had flowers lilies my favourite!
Him:"Nkosazana"
I chuckled
Me:"Boo"
He kissed my cheek
Him:"How's you?"
Me:"I'm okay"
He looked at me and chuckled
Me:"What?"
He brought his chair closer
Him:"What's going on between you and
Michael?"
Me:"Nothing we're friends"
Him:"Oh really now?!"
I giggled lightly
Me:"Yes!"
He nodded
Him:"So have you thought of a name?"
Me:"No I don't know what to name him
Skylar is gonna be his second name I'm in
need of a first one"
Him:"Its your baby name him anything
you want"
Me:"Nkazimulo"
He laughed throwing his head back I
rolled my eyes
Him:"Nkanyiso and Nkazimulo? Okay"
Me:"Mxm"
Him:"Do you miss him?"
I nodded
Me:"I know its wrong we're from different
plants but I can't help how I feel M I've
been in denial about him, about my
feelings but... Arg shut up Star it will never
work!"
Him:"Why are you saying that? And who
said its wrong?"
Me:"He's a taxi driver M"
I whispered he frowned
Him:"So?"
He's a taxi driver what do you mean
so?!!!
I kept quiet
Him:"How long will you be in here?"
He was changing the subject I swallowed
Me:"4 weeks or so I'm not sure"
He nodded. M was never like us by us I
mean me and Buhle he dated who he
wanted to date whether she was rich or
poor he looked at people with the same
eye as for us we were told to never belittle
ourselves because we deserve the
universe and beyond. Now tell me how is
a taxi driver gonna give me all of that?!
A knock disturbed us saliva filled my
mouth I swallowed and looked at M
Him:"They asked"
They got in it was Thabo, aunt and my
cousn Sihle.
Her:"Hey mommy!!!"
She ran to my side and gave me a tight
hug I groaned in pain
Me:"Ouch!"
Her:"Oh sorry"
Aunt:"Sihle!! She's still in pain"
I giggled
Aunt:"How are you?"
Me:"I'm good thanks and you"
Her:"I'm fine baby congratulations"
Me:"Thank you"
They went on and on Thabo was
standing there with his hands and in his
pocket quiet as a mice. What was he even
doing here?!!! Where is his wife?!!
Aunt:"Sihle, Lelo let's go get coffee"
M groaned he hates that name!!
Him:"I'm not leaving this one alone with
my sister"
Aunt:"Mpumelelo!"
Him:"No-"
Me:"Its fine M I can handle him"
He looked at me and back at Thabo. He
clicked his tongue and followed after aunt
and Sihle we were now left alone. Still
don't know what he's doing here!!
Him:"Hi"
I just looked at him. He cleared his throat
Him:"So we have a son?"
Me:"What are you doing here?"
Him:"I came to see my son"
Hold up!!! Did I hear him correctly or
something wrong with my ears?!!
Me:"Excuse me?"
Him:"He's my son whether you like it or
not Star. That boy is a Buthelezi through
and through"
I looked at him in total shock the guts this
man had!!!
Him:"I just wanna see him I want my
children to get along and know each other
Star"
Me:"You left your children with Buhle
Skylar is not yours don't piss me off"
Him:"You named him Skylar? What
happened to real names? Bongani,
Mandla, Nkos-"
Me:"Listen to yourself running your big
mouth didn't you deny him? Weren't you
the one who told me to abort because I'm
gonna mess things up for you? Huh?"
He sighed
Him:"He is here now let us stop hindering
on the past"
"Hey wife! Oh sorry I didn't know you
have a visitor"
That was Michael thank God!!
Me:"He was just leaving"
Thabo stared at me with a facial I didn't
recognise. He chuckled and looked at Mr
B
Him:"I'm Thabo the baby daddy"
MrB:"I thought Nka- oh-kay I'm Michael"
Thabo looked at me in confusion
Me:"Nka is the guy who beat you into a
pulp for disrespecting me"
The room went quiet. I've had it with
Thabo! The hatred I have for him is
beyond words
MrB:"Awkward"
They family came back and the
atmosphere in the room lifted up Thabo
was quiet not that I wanted him to be loud
actually I didn't even want him there!
 They stayed until visiting hours were over
it was at night when I heard footsteps I
tried opening my eyes but they were so
heavy I felt hands touching me I could feel
the warm breath on my face.
"Nkosazana"
Its him! Its him!!! Oh my God it's him!!!!!
He placed his lips on mine and gave
them a long wet kiss.
Him:"I can't stay long I'm rushing
somewhere but don't worry I'll be back. I
just wanted to see your pretty face and
congratulate you on our prince, you did it
Nkosazana you did it"
He gave me another kiss
Him:"I love you okay? I love you. I know
you love me too and that's why I won't
give up on you on us, damn I miss you
Nkosazana whatever you gave me its
working I can't stay away from you. Be
safe okay and get out of this place don't
worry about me I'm safe. I love you and
don't fall for that white guy!"
He gave me another kiss my lips flexed
and kissed him back but he broke the
kiss.
Me:"Mhm"
I heard footsteps and they were fading.
Me:"Nka-... Nkanyiso"
I jumped hurting myself I was puffing and
huffing.
Me:"Nkanyiso"
I whispered looking around I was all
alone in the room it felt real! It felt so real!!
I touched my lips please don't tell me I
was dreaming! Please!!!
I laid back on the pillow his scent was
hoovering in the room
Me:"He was here"
Insert 18
"Come home Star they need you. We
need you"
My heart shattered into pieces hearing
my father's voice break due to being
heartbroken it hurt me to the core. I went
back to the bedroom
Me:"Daddy you know they don't want me
there, you all don't want me. I can't just
show up"
I heard him sigh. I really couldn't just
show up.
Him:"I your father am telling you to come
home Star seNkosi"
Me:"I'll see what I can do. I don't have a
car so I'll see"
Him:"Make a plan please"
Me:"Okay I gotta go we'll chat again"
I hung up before he could say or ask
anything else of me, these people don't
get it! They didn't get it that I wanted
nothing to do with them!!
My phone vibrated in my hand it was a
text message from Aunt Joyce also telling
me about Buhle's deceased baby boy. I
sighed! Do I go and comfort her or is this
karma?!
I found my two angels in bed Spha's little
brother was fast asleep and big brother
was awake. After spending weeks in
hospital we were finally out and my Nka
was healthy and ready for the world, the
support I got from M and Mr B is out of
this world. Michael visited everyday with
my favourite flowers lilies, I had balloons
everything and I was grateful to the both
of them they showed me love.
I haven't seen Nkanyiso since the day I
chased him out of my house I'm starting to
believe the hospital incident was
hallucination of missing him.
I took Spha and placed him on the carpet
the little man was starting to get out of
hand with his crawling and gripping,
Amanda let go of a treasure one she'll one
day regret of letting go. I took out our
outfits we were visiting daddy today well
not precisely because I was going there to
drop off some files and go shopping with
my boys but we were first gonna pop in at
daddy's office.
My phone rang. Speak of the devil!!
Me:"Michael"
He chuckled
Him:"Hey Mommy how's you?"
Me:"I'm good and you?"
Him:"I'm good too are you guys still
coming today? I miss the little man"
My heart warmed up. Spha stayed with
him until I was out of the hospital.
Me:"Yes we coming. Maybe after seeing
you he'll be okay he's been restless
turning everything upside down"
He laughed lightly
Him:"He is growing let him be. I can't wait
to see you guys.... especially you"
My cheeks heat up sky high I was
blushing I held my cheeks.
Me:"And we can't wait to see you"
Him:"Must I order cake?"
I giggled. I'm a sucker for chocolate cake
Me:"No need we won't be long we going
shopping"
Him:"So I'm not invited?"
I giggled
Me:"No you not"
 Him:"I'll send it now okay. I can't wait to
see you guys"
Me:"Michael no! Spha doesn't need
anything the money you sent last time is
s-"
Him:"That was a month ago Star!"
Me:"I said no"
I heard him sigh. he's taken it upon
himself to support and play a father's role
in Spha's life well legally he's the father
but I didn't want him to do it because he
was only helping me when he signed that
form.
We spoke a little longer on the phone and
said our goodbyes nothing was going on
between us yes at times we were flirting
with one another and we were spending
so much time together but Nkanyiso
warned me not to fall for him... well I think
he warned me or my mind did. But
Michael was so perfect he was the dream!
We understood each other and we were
from the same class level so why not go
for it?!
With Spha on the floor I took a risk and
went to take a 5 minutes shower when I
came back lotions were on the floor.
Me:"Sphamandla!"
He just looked at me with his beautiful
bright eyes and I melted under them
Me:"Don't do that okay?"
I quickly pecked his lips and picked the
lotions up. I took him with me to the
kitchen it was his meal time I had
homemade custard for him
Me:"Why are you naughty huh?"
He giggled. I melted!
I was busy feeding him when I heard a
knock we moved to the lounge
Me:"Come in"
 It was 2 guys. My heart got stuck in my
throat.
Sbu:"Awu cheese girl"

Me:"Sbus
iso"
Him:"You
good?"
I nodded.
Me:"You?"
Him:"Sharp. M changed his number he
said we must take the new one from you"
M had already told me about this so I
wrote it down for him.
Him:"Thanks"
I nodded.
They got up to leave
Him:"Did you see Nkanyiso he's back"
I gasped in shock
Me:"N- no I haven't when did he come
back"
Him:"Last week"
My heart immediately broke into pieces.
He hasn't come to see me.
Me:"Oh?"
Him:"Yeah its weird he hasn't come"
Guy:"Have you seen how demanding
Ntombi is? Its understandable"
I swallowed the lump in my troat. So they
together. I looked at Sbu and he couldn't
even look at me Him:"I'm sure he'll come"
Guy:"Can I ask you something?"
I nodded. Sbu gave him an evil eye but
the guy was too oblivious to notice but I
did.
 Guy:"Why do you females change when
pregnant? because Ntombi used to be so
cool but-"
Sbu:"Hey shut up dude!"
I looked at the carpet as the news hit me
hard tears were whelming up in eyes.
Nkanyiso got Ntombi pregnant?!! I know
we were not that official but he told me he
loves me and wants me but goes around
and impregnate someone!
I pushed my tears back and looked at
these two. Sbu had a pity look
Him:"I'm sorry please don't hold this
against him he loves you Star"
I nodded showing them the way
Me:"If that's all... I'm rushing somewhere"
Sbu:"I'm really sorry"
I nodded again. They bid farewell on their
way out Sbu was curising at the guy for
having a big mouth. I sat down to take a
breather. How could he make me fall for
him and go impregnate someone else?
What happened to us?! Me, him and the
two boys? What happened to that? Know
what I won't cry over spilled milk!
I got my kids ready too and we were off to
the office I wasn't myself the pregnancy
was dominating my mind and the fact that
he was back but still hasn't come see me.
Maybe its over! He doesn't want me!
After dropping the files at Alex we went to
Mr B's office he was in a meeting in the
boardroom so we waited for him in his
office.
I couldn't help myself I called him I just
wanted to know but his number sent me
straight to Voicemail so I called my
brother and asked for his number but he
didn't have it.
Me:"Ask Sbu please"
Him:"oh-kay but why do-"
Me:"Just do it now please"
I hung up and waited it wasn't long before
he sent the number. My phone rang it was
M
Me:"I got it thanks and take your cell out
of private number"
I quickly hung up to avoid being asked
why I wanted the number.
I called it
"Hello"
I kept quiet. It was him!! Goosebumps
were cruising on my body. My heart was
beating so fast. My palms were sweaty
and there was a tingly sensation
happening down there.
Him:"Hi"
I remained quiet not knowing what to say.
Him:"Nkosazana I know its you"
I swallowed hard
Me:"Hey how are you?"
He went quiet I heard him sigh
Him:"Good and you?"
Me:"I'm okay"
We both kept quiet tears were blurring my
vision I wiped them off but more came
Him:"You called"
Me:"You left wounded I heard you're back
so I wanted to find out of you're okay"
Him:"I'm fine thanks"
I nodded like he could see me
Me:"That's good to hear I gotta go"
Him:"Oh?"
Was that disappointment I was hearing?
No it can't be he doesn't want me no more
Me:"Yeah"
Him:"Its cool bye"
Me:"I love you"
I hung up before he could say anything
I've lost the guy! My stupid self has lost a
man!!! And why the hell did I tell him I love
him!!!! Geez whats wrong with me?!!!
After about 30 minutes Michael came
back from the meeting. He Kissed the kids
and placed a kiss on my cheek
Him:"You don't look okay"
Me:"My sister's baby is dead and they
want me to go comfort and support her
after everything she did to me"
I was twisting it yes Buhle's baby is gone
but that's not the factor of my
unhappiness
Him:"She's still family Star"
Me:"I don't consider such people as
family Michael"
He sighed and moved behind his desk
Him:"Put yourself in her current situation
losing one of those two angels"
Me:"Yes its sad it really is but-"
Him:"But nothing Star!!"
I jumped a little shock of how he raised
his voice at me
Him:"I'm sorry the meeting didn't go as
planned. I'm sorry"
Me:"I understand"
He moved to the front and took my hands
in his and kissed them whilst looking
straight into my eyes.
Him:"You so beautiful"
I blushed and removed my hands from
his. We spent about 20 minutes with him
and it was time for us to go.
He kissed the kids
Him:"I'll see you on Friday"
I nodded
Him:"And Star"
I looked at him he looked and sounded so
serious.
Him:"Start packing because we leaving
late Friday to support your sister"
Insert 19
I was seated on my bed packing our
clothes its Friday and Michael is forcing
me to go support my sister I don't want to
go there I don't want to be surrounded by
my family they suck out the life in me and
leave me a corpse.
I packed for the 3 of us it was a bit too
much but I didn't know how Kong we were
gonna be there so rather safe than sorry. I
fed Spha and breastfed Skylar it was their
nap time and time for me time, kids are a
lot of work and it was difficult being all
alone with these two.
With juice and lasagne I sat in front of the
TV I wish the juice was wine instead, a
knock interrupted me I opened. Oh Lord!
He stood there staring back at me with
his clear eyes he looked good like really
good even better than before he
disappeared I felt some tingling at the pit
of my stomach.
Me:"Hi"
Him:"Can I come in?"
That voice!!! Somebody stop me I'm
about to take my pants off for this man!!!
Gosh!!!
I moved aside to let him in. Why am I
even letting him in?!!
I closed the door behind us. We stood
there not saying anything to each other.
Why was he even here?!
Me:"What do you want?"
He cleared his throat
Him:"Why are you so cold?"
Me:"What are you doing in my house
Nkanyiso?"
He stared at me. Arg! I rolled my eyes
and sat down. I was eating peacefully
before he showed up.
Him:"I came to see you"
Me:"You saw me so..."
Him:"You said you love me"
I chuckled shaking my head. That was
days ago!!! He pulled the coffee table and
sat on top of it right in front me.
Him:"Do you?"
Me:"You got Ntombi pregnant"
He tightened his jaws still looking straight
into my eyes.
Him:"Yeah"
I nodded feeling a lump in my throat.
Him:"But that was before you. Before us"
Me:"Stop with the lies Nkanyiso"
Him:"I'm telling the truth"
Me:"Okay whatever"
I ate my food
Him:"Star?"
Me:"You men are all the same! You all
cheat! I'm done with men so done"
Him:"Nkosazana that baby got conceived
before I even touched you! I was still
gawking you at the rank I didn't even
know your name but I knew you were my
future. Yes Ntombi is my girlfriend we've
been having a on and off relationship for
years and now she's pregnant there's
nothing I can about that"
 We stared at each other tears were
building up in my eyes. Why are things so
complicated!! Can't I not share him?!
Doesn't Ntombi know contraceptives?!
Geez!!!
Him:"I missed you"
Me:"I missed you too"
He took the plate and placed it next to me
and held my hands.
Him:"I love you Nkosazana"
Me:"I love you too Nkanyiso... But I'm not
about to be a homewrecker. I'm sorry"
I yanked my hands from his grip
Him:"But I'm not with Ntombi"
Me:"And I'm not stupid you said she's
your girlfriend. Just stop complicating
things"
Him:"I want you!"
Me:"And that's suppose to make me feel
better? You leaving her pregnant
Nkanyiso well that's if you leaving her"
Him:"So what are you suggesting? I must
leave you so you can continue to play
family with that white boy?"
Me:"That white boy hasn't been selling
me dreams!"
Him:"I told you not to fall for him Star!!"
Me:"So you were there?"
I got up and
moved away from
him Him:"Yes I
was there! I came
to see you"
He also got up.
Me:"You ran out when I woke up!"
 Him:"Because a security guard was
coming! You heard what I told you but you
still fell for him Star!"
Me:"I didn't fall for him Nkanyiso! Yes
he's been good to me and the kids but I
love you! I want you!
I'm in love with you!!"
With quick strides he was holding me
tight with his lips locked with mine I had
my hands fisted on his t-shirt gripping
tightly on him. I was getting goosebumps
all over my body and the tight grip he had
me on was making me hot, we broke the
kiss his lips went straight to my neck
Me:"Nka..."
Him:"Mhm"
I was breathing heavily we both were.
Me:"Nkanyiso stop"
He was sucking on my neck getting me
aroused.
Him:"Hm.mm"
Me:"Nkanyiso"
That didn't come out as warning nor did it
sound like I wanted him to stop. I'm such
a hoe!!!
He latched his lips on mine again and I
kissed him back! Arg!! I'm horrible!!!
Him:"That's the most beautiful thing I've
heard you say"
I gently pushed him away I was in need
of air I couldn't breath
"I love you. I want you. I'm in love with
you"
He was mimicking me I rolled my eyes
and sat down he sat next to me.
Him:"I love you and if it means I must part
time being there during the pregnancy so
be it"
 Me:"No don't leave her when she needs
you most"
Him:"What do I do then? Stay with her
even though I'm in love with you? I'm
gonna lose you Star and I don't want that"
I got up and paced around.
Me:"I'm not good enough I'll never be
good enough. I'm damaged Nkanyiso I'm
still hung up on Thabo I can't let go, I can't
trust a man I don't think I'll ever trust a
man. Save yourself from me. Walk away"
He got up and came to stand in front of
me he held my shoulders
Him:"I know that I knew that before I
came to you. Star you use to have puffy
swollen eyes every morning I knew
something was wrong but I didn't know
what it was and then you started showing
so I figured it has to do with the baby
daddy. Who is dumb enough to leave a
Queen like you? Surely not me"
He cupped my face and smooched the
life out of me.
Me:"Stop being so sweet"
He licked his lips with a cocky smile
Him:"What want me to be rough? I know
you like it when I'm rough"
I laughed
Me:"Fuck off"
Him:"I'm seeing bags where you off to?"
Me:"Home. Buhle's baby is... So... Yeah
family wants me there"
He frowned
Him:"To do what? You not Jesus you not
gonna wake the baby up"
Me:"To support her
through this tough
time" Saying it
sounded stupid!
Him:"Sit your ass down you not going
there"
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"What?"
Me:"I've already packed and Michael is
probably already on his way"
Him:"You wasted your time shame. I'll
help you unpack"
He took the bags and proceeded to my
room I sighed I seriously didn't want to go
there! I sat down and ate my food. He
came back with Nkazimulo
Him:"Look who's awake"
Me:"You woke him up"
He chuckled
Him:"Daddy wants to spend time with his
boy"
Me:"Daddy is not a father yet Ntombi
hasn't given birth"
He looked at me
Him:"Why you ruining things?"
Me:"Why must we ignore things? I'm not
gonna date you. I'm not about to cause
misery on another woman I know how that
feels"
He stared at me he looked kinda pissed
his attention went back to Skylar. I
seriously wasn't gonna be the other
woman sorry.
The door opened it was Mr B. What
happened to knocking?!
Him:"Afternoon"
Me:"Michael"
Him:"Nkanyiso"
Nka:"Michael"
 There was some tension in the room
these two don't even know each other that
well!
Mr B:"Are you guys ready we've got a
long ride'
Me:"Ye-"
Nka:"They not going"
Mr B:"Excuse me"
Nka:"You heard me"
Insert 20
It went dead quiet even Skylar was quiet
the two bulls were staring at each other.
Can the ground just swallow me?!!!
Nkanyiso turned his attention back to
Skylar he was way too cool for my liking
not that I wanted him to be angry. He was
tapping his foot
Me:"Erh uhm"
I didn't know what to say!! This was so
awkward!!!!!
Michael sighed I looked at him
Him:"Where's MY SON?"
He emphasis placed on the last 2 words
were dangerous even Nkanyiso looked at
him
Me:"He's sleeping in my room"
Him:"Are you leaving dressed like that?"
I looked down and nodded Nkanyiso
chuckled I cringed. Michael walked away
into the direction of my room.
Nka:"Why are you letting him control
you?"
Me:"He's not contro-"
Him:"Nywe Nywe shut up we both know
that white boy is controlling you. You
better get up from this couch and go tell
his pale ass you not going"
He was pissed off!! It felt like another
Thabo episode was coming
Me:"Nkanyi-"
Him:"Don't piss me off Star"
You already pissed!!! His forehead veins
were starting to be visible. Okay He's
really pissed.
Me:"Calm down"
He gave me a hard stare
Me:"Baby"
I caressed his cheek moving closer to
him.
Me:"Baba wakhe"
I gave him a peck
Me:"Muntu wami"
I licked his lips which he immediately lick
Me:"You look so sexy when you mad"
I licked him again he grabbed the back of
my head and smooched me hard.
Him:"Nice try you still not going"
Me:"Look who's controlling now"
I roughly pushed him getting up throwing
my hands all over the place.
Him:"Drop that
attitude Star
seNkosi" Me:"You
don't fucken own
me Nkanyiso!!"
He stared at me really hard.
Him:"You want another repeat for you to
fully understand your family doesn't give
shit about you? I know you're a coconut
but I honestly didn't know you're dumb
and so naïve"
Me:"Excuse me?!!"
Him:"What else must those people do to
you for you to back the fuck up?! Not long
ago none of them were checking up on
you, you were all alone here crying
yourself to sleep and they were busy
celebrating! They don't care about you or
your happiness Star seNkosi!! You better
wake the fuck up!"
We stared at each other he clicked his
tongue and looked back at Skylar it felt
like I was being dismissed and I didn't like
that. Nkanyiso was your typical Zulu guy
but in a sexy way which turned me on.
I stood there with my eyes glued on him
the white t-shirt he was wearing was
clinging on his biceps I swallowed moving
my eyes to his strong jawline that he was
growing some beard and damn did it
looked sexy on him! Those strong big not
giant guys but big manly hands were
holding on Skylar. The way those chinos
were clinging onto his thighs!!!
I felt dizzy I swallowed feeling hot
Him:"Stop checking me out Star seNkosi
and go to Michael"
I cleared my throat feeling embarrassed
he wasn't even looking at me it was sticky
south.
Michael came back with our bags. I
sighed
Him:"I'm gonna put these-"
Me:"No need.... I
don't wanna be there
Michael" Him:"But
baby that's your
family no matter
what" I cringed at
the word baby.
Me:"Yes but I'd rather go for the funeral
inste-"
Him:"Are you listening to yourself?"
Me:"Can we not do this please? I'll go
next week for the funeral and that's it"
He sighed
Him:"Fine"
He turned back to my room. Nkanyiso
chuckled
Him:"Yes girl"
Me:"You need to leave. Give me my son.
Go back to your pregnant girlfriend"
I took Nkazimulo from him he looked at
me like I was crazy Michael came back
with Spha
Me:"Hey big boy"
He opened his arms for me Nkanyiso
jumped for him and took him.
Him:"Look who's awake?!"
He threw him up and caught him Spha
was giggling like there's no tomorrow I
rolled my eyes
Mr B:"Can I have him for the weekend?
I'm going to the farm"
 Me:"Visit your parents?"
He nodded my heart broke a little I
couldn't say no to him not taking Spha the
man can take me to court for Spha
Me:"I've already packed his bags"
He nodded he looked so down that I felt
bad. We looked at each other I mouthed a
"I'm sorry" he turned on his heel and
returned to my room I went after him with
Skylar in my arms.
Me:"I'm really sorry Michael"
Him:"Did they really treat you bad as he
made it out to be?"
I nodded and looked down
Him:"I'm sorry Star I didn't know yes I
knew you have family issues but I didn't
think its that bad"
Me:"It's fine I understand. So we cool?"
He nodded and gave me a bear hug with
Skylar in the middle
Him:"Don't you want to come with to the
farm?"
I chuckled and shook my head
Him:"It will be fun"
I was still draped in his arms
Me:"No thanks"
He placed a kiss on my forehead and
broke the hug.
Him:"Let me get going"
He took Spha's bag I went to bid my 1st
born goodbye I didn't want to see him
leave but Michael wanted him so...
Nkanyiso was busy in my kitchen I closed
the door after watching the car leave I was
a little down the house was gonna be
quiet.
Me:"I guess it just us baby"
He tackled me I placed him on my lap
and gave him a boob. Nkanyiso came
back with a full plate
Me:"You must be happy"
Him:"Not really he left with Spha"
Me:"When are you leaving?"
Him:"Tomorrow. Someone has been a
bad girl I need to teach her a lesson"
He was trying to seduce me but it didn't
work.
Me:"After eating please leave Ntombi is
probably expecting you"
He stared at him he placed the plate on
the table
Him:"You just know how to ruin a
moment"
He watched the TV looking pissed after
burping Skylar I tucked back to bed
because Nkanyiso interrupted his sleep
and bumped some milk because my
boobs were full.
I took the empty plate in front of Nka he
finished his food and went to wash it with
the other dishes. He wrapped his arms
around me
Him:"How can I fix things?"
Me:"You can't"
Him:"Surely there must be a way. We
love each other Nkosazana we'll be
miserable without each other"
He had his head on my neck and the
warm breath was just! I pushed my ass to
him
Him:"Not everything is about sex"
Me:"I know that but I need this"
Him:"You breastfeeding"
I turned and looked at him
Me:"I know that but no need to come up
with excuses you can simply say no"
I pushed him aside and went to pack the
dishes.
Him:"Nkosazana"
Me:"What?! I don't even know why you
here you're no good to me just go back to
your little girlfrie"
I'm trapped between him and the counter
and he's kissing me roughly I can't keep
up I try pushing him off but he's glued on
me. His hands are all over my body and
the electricity shock is sky high I'm patty in
his hands, a loud sound takes my
attention and he's tearing my dress in the
middle
Me:"Nkanyiso!!"
I am shook!!! The dress is brand new!!!!
What the hell?!!!
He takes it off and throws it asides pulls
me and captures my lips. I melt. Damn
Star!!! Stand your ground!!!
His hand goes south and its a dam I
heard him groan in satisfaction. Bastard!
From the kitchen we're now the bed and
he's rubbing himself at my entrance he's
been doing so for the past 10 freaken
minutes!!
Me:"Nkanyiso please"
He has my hands locked in a grip above
my head I can't even touch him! I move
my waist towards the king but he backs
away
Me:"Baby please"
He runs king at my folds. I'm close to
crying because this is torture!!
Me:"Nka!!"
He slaps him on me I quiver
Him:"You want him?"
I nod uncontrollably
Me:"Yes. Please"
Him:"Marry me"
Me:"Nka please stop with the jokes just
fuck me or let me go"
He shoves himself in I scream I was not
expecting that he quickly pulls out. What
the hell?!!
Him:"Marry me Star seNkosi be my wife"
Me:"Nkanyiso you have Ntombi don't do
this"
He licks his lips staring down on me. Why
is this man so gorgeous?!!!
Him:"That's why I want you to marry me.
You don't want me to leave her so I won't
but you have to marry me because I'm not
leaving you for her"
He shoves himself again I gasp. If only
my hands were free!!!! He slowly pulls out
Him:"So?"
I shook my head in tears. I'm not crying
because he wants me to marry him but
because of how he's torturing me
Me:"What will happen to her if I marry
you? I'm not gonna be my sister Nka"
He tightens his jaws and looks straight
into my eyes.
Him:"I'll marry her too"
I laugh but stopped because he was
serious
Him:"I'm gonna marry the both of you.
You'll be the first wife and she'll be the
second, Star you don't want me to leave
her and I don't know what else to do
because I love you"
Me:"Get off me"
He shook his head
Me:"Nkanyiso get off me"
He shook it again now looking scared.
What the hell?!
Him:"If I get off you gonna throw me out"
Me:"Get. The. Fuck. Off. Me"
He shook his head and slowly entered
me looking straight into my eyes.
Him:"Give me a solution"
Me:"Just get off"
He started penetrating slowly
Him:"I love you"
Me:"But you don't respect me"
I was meeting his strokes he still had my
hands locked in his grip.
Him:"But I do"
Me:"No you don't Nkanyiso if you did you
wouldn't suggest polygamy to me"
 He went deep I moaned closing my eyes
he stopped moving I looked at him he
started moving again
Him:"That's because you want me to
leave you because of another woman"
Me:"She's preg-"
Him:"She's not the first person to get
pregnant! Not the first to be left pregnant! I
care so much about you that I'd marry her
so I don't leave her cause if it was up to
me I'd break things off and be with you"
Me:"If you can leave her pregnant you'd
clearly do the same to me"
Him:"You not her Star. When I was hurt I
came here I found shelter in your comfort
because I know you'd never betray me
like they all did"
I wanna know more what he means by
that and what they did to him but the look
he's giving me tells me I mustn't even
think about it.
He buried his head in my neck
Him:"Its so warm and tight... I'm close. I
feel like a whip"
He picks up his pace I move my waist to
his rhythm
Me:"My hands... Nka"
He let's them go I dug my nails in him. I
can't keep up he's moving so fast.
Him:"Baby come on... I can't"
I'm not close
Me:"Its fine go ahead"
He holds me tight groaning I guess he's
cuming. When he was done he flipped me
Me:"Nka"
Him:"Its not up for discussion"
He made me sit on his face
Me:"Nkanyiso"
I moaned holding the headboard...
I'm shaking next to him he's holding me I
haven't recovered from the orgasm. He
placed a wet kiss on my shoulder
Him:"I love you"
I nodded
Him:"Do I get the go ahead to send my
uncles?"

Insert 21
It's the following day and we're spread
out in bed with Nkazimulo in the middle
and the lunch dishes on the floor its
raining heavily outside Nkanyiso didn't go
home instead he spent the night making
love to me something he has never done
before the angel in me felt bad this man
had a person who was expecting but the
devil in me was celebrating. I was in love
and not ashamed to admit it.
"Penny for your thoughts"
A smile spread through my face he was
holding Skylar's hand playing with it.
Me:"I love you"
He stared at me like really stare it felt like
he was looking into my soul and I didn't
care because I was hiding nothing, he
looked away with the biggest smile
Him:"Okay"
Me:"Oh my God you blushing!!"
I jumped on him and sat on his pelvis
Me:"You blushing!"
He was hiding his face with his hands I
removed them
Him:"A man doesn't blush"
Me:"But my man does"
He pulled me by the onzie I was wearing
we shared a lazy yet passionate kiss.
Him:"What are we doing today?"
Me:"Movies?"
Him:"Aaaa"
He was frowning
Me:"Or even better you can tell me more
about yourself"
Him:"There's nothing to tell"
Me:"Stop lying"
He laughed
Him:"I'm a taxi driver and that's it"
He held me still and sat up straight he
took Skylar and placed him between us.
Me:"Nka"
Him:"I was raised by my mother we're 6 a
lot if you ask me 5 boys and 1 girl. She's
married now with
2 kids I wanted to beat the shit out of her
when I found out she was pregnant but
then I remembered she's married. Mom is
still alive we had to force her to stop
working for those uncultured white
people... Yeah that's me"
I pecked his lips. I'm not stupid
Me:"You just told me about your family
not you"
He gave the look and I just knew I had to
stop asking questions but I didn't wanna
stop
Me:"I just wanna know who you are
Nkanyiso"
Him:"But I told you there's nothing to tell
I'm just a taxi driver who's trying to
survive"
I swallowed and nodded I got up from his
lap and took Skylar from him.
Him:"And now?"
Me:"Nothing I'm gonna check the movies"
I said softly it felt like he was hiding
something from me something he didn't
want me to know.
Him:"Where are you taking Nka if you
gonna check on movies?"
I kept quiet and placed Nkazimulo on the
bed next to him
Him:"Did you take him there?"
I looked at him he was also looking at me
with a questioning look.
Him:"What's your problem Star? I'm not
the big shot you dreamed of? I thought
you over your high standards but clearly
you not"
I remained quiet and placed Skylar on top
of him I was about to walk away when he
pulled me back
 Him:"Nkosazana this won't work if you
don't communicate with me or drop your
standards"
Me:"I'm over the standards thing"
Him:"Than what is it?"
Me:"It feels like you lying to me or hiding
something"
He stared at me I sighed and looked
away his phone rang it was next to him on
the night stand we both looked at it and
Ntombi's name was flashing. I sighed and
tried setting myself free but he held me
tight and answered looking at me
Him:"T"
......
Him:"Yeah so?"
......
Him:"I didn't go to the rank I'm at
Nkosazana's place"
......
Him:"Why are you shouting?"
......
Him:"Don't make me drop this call"
.....
Him:"Go anywhere near her and I'll punch
you in the throat"
.....
Him:"I'm telling you go anywhere near
her"
.....
Him:"Mxm"
He hung up I was so angry and hurt at
the very same time I yanked my arm and
took the plates to the kitchen. So this is
how things are gonna be? I'm gonna sit
and listen to him talk to his girlfriend? This
is not what I signed up for actually I never
signed for anything!!! I held the sink taking
deep breaths why do I keep going through
this? Why can't a man be mine and mine
alone? Why can't I be loved
wholeheartedly? What do I lack so much
that there just has to be another woman?
I felt his arms wrap around my waist
Him:"Want help?"
I shook my head
Me:"Nope go back to bed I'll be right
there"
He kissed my neck and went back to bed,
a sob escaped my lips I held my mouth
tight to hold in the my cries. Why was I
even crying?!! I knew this man has a
girlfriend but I still went ahead playing
happy family with him. How can I even
compete with someone whom he's been
with for years? Even if its on and off she
stuck around longer than others that must
clearly mean something!
 After washing the dishes I sat down on
the high chair enjoying hot chocolate
when I was ready to face him I went back
to the room and found them fast asleep he
had Nkazimulo laid on his chest it was just
too cute I couldn't resist I took a picture of
them.
His phone rang again it was her I shook
him
Me:"Nkanyiso your phone"
Him:"Mhm"
Me:"Wake up!! Your phone is ringing!"
He looked at me and closed his eyes
again
Him:"Answer it"
Me:"It's Ntombi"
He ignored me
Me:"Nka-"
Him:"Star just answer the damn phone!!"
 He shouted at me I wasn't gonna do that!
He's crazy!! I stared at the phone until it
stopped ringing I sighed.
Me:"Wake up I'm bored"
He ignored me and repositioned himself
with Skylar on top of him. The phone
started again still Ntombi I stared at it
again until it stopped but she called again.
Okay what if something was wrong? What
if its the baby? Oh my God I'm so selfish!!
I shook our man
Me:"Nkanyiso wake up Ntombi is calling
again what if something is wrong?"
Him:"Nothing is wrong she's just being
Ntombi"
This man!!! I was seriously worried not
long ago I was in her position pregnant.
Me:"Baby please answer it"
He looked at me clearly annoyed by me.
Someone hates bring woken up
Him:"If it bothers you so much why don't
you answer it?"
He clicked his tongue and closed his
eyes. I took the phone and swiped right
Her:"What the fuck Nkanyiso?!! You
always do this to me whenever you find a
new pussy to fuck!!! Nkanyiso I'm
pregnant!! With your heir when are you
gonna stop these games?!! When are you
gonna grow the fuck up?!!"
I hung up swallowing hard so this is a
pattern I'm just... Why did I even answer
his phone?!! Arg I just hate my forward
ass!!
Me:"Nkanyiso there's something wrong
with the baby Ntombi's friend says they
taking her to the hospital"
He jumped. Don't look at me like that.
Him:"What?"
Me:"Something's wrong with the baby"
He placed Nkazi aside and grabbed his
chinos
Him:"Where are they now?"
Me:"I'm not sure she was speaking so
fast"
Him:"Why are you still seated? Or are
you going like that?"
Me:"Going where?"
Him:"The hospital Star"
Me:"I'm not going"
Him:"I wasn't asking Nkosazana"
Me:"Its cold and raining I can't go with
Skylar and he's too young for hospitals"
He sighed and kissed my forhead
Him:"I understand. I'll be back okay and
keep your phone on I'll update you."
He got done and gave Skylar a kiss. He
gave me a wet kiss
Him:"I love you"
I faked a smile and led him out I locked
the door and went back to bed switching
my phone off.
I'm done with him. I'm done with men. I'm
done with relationships. I'm just done! I
should get myself toys cause that's the
only weakest I'll have.
On Tuesday M came to fetch me
because the funeral was gonna be on
Thursday I called him no one was forcing
me to go there we were already on the
road when I decided to switch my phone
on. I called M using Michael's phone I was
seriously avoiding Nkanyiso he was there
he came back but I didn't answer him he
begged and begged I almost gave in but I
didn't, if he can't see my worth then I can't
be with him. Sorry.
M:"Are you okay you don't look good?"
Me:"I'm fine"
My phone started blowing up the missed
calls and messages were all from him. I
sucked my teeth and deleted everything
without reading
Him:"I heard"
I frowned
Me:"What?"
I was seating at the back with the kids
Him:"Nkanyiso impregnated someone"
Me:"Oh that okay"
Him:"How are you? I know you like the
guy"
More like LOVE!!
Me:"I'm fine I broke things off"
Him:"But why?"
 Me:"He's still with her and I'm not about
to share him"
He nodded
Him:"I understand. If that makes you
sleep at night than its cool"
It doesn't! I can't sleep at all! But
Nkanyiso doesn't trust me enough to tell
me the truth about him we can't build
something on lies and secrets!
M took us straight to his place I wasn't
gonna show up until the big day besides I
wouldn't be of any help to them her
husband has money surely he was gonna
hire a catering company to cater for the
funeral.
On Wednesday night I was watching
movies on M's laptop when my phone
flashed Nkanyiso's name I didn't answer
he sent a "Stop being childish and answer
your phone" message I switched it off. I
heard some noise coming from the lounge
I got up the kids were fast asleep, I heard
familiar voice
Arg I hate M!!!!!
Me:"Thabo what are you doing here
shouldn't you be with your wife
mourning?"
He looked at me. He looked like poop! He
wasn't the guy I fell for and definitely not
the big ego guy who married my sister.
Him:"Star"
I just looked at him not feeling any
emotions besides hate. I hated him with
my all!!
Him:"Its not the same without you Star"
Insert 22
This takes me by surprise. This man is
clearly losing it!! I titled my head to the
side and stared at him. Damn I used to
love you! I still do but its not the same.
Him:"Star"
I shifted my attention back to him I sat
down and motioned for him to also sit
down it was just the two of us. He sat
down
Me:"Talk to me. What's up?"
He sighed and ran
his hands on his
face. Him:"I'd like to
apologise Star I'm
really sorry"
Oh?
Me:"For what?"
Him:"For everything Star the lies the
cheating every single pain I've caused
you"
I nodded mentally rolling my eyes it was
rather too late for apologises
Him:"I'm really sorry"
Me:"Okay so what are you doing here?"
He sighed for the hundredth time I rolled
my eyes
Him:"Its not the same. Things are not the
same"
I crossed my legs if only I could get some
damn wine and listen to this movie teller in
good spirits. Not long ago he was rubbing
his love for my baby sister in my face!
What happened to that?!
Him:"My business is at its worst and
Buhle is not getting it, I've tried explaining
it to her countless times but she doesn't
get it. I know it's wrong of me to confide in
you about this but you the only person
who knows and understand my struggles,
who know knows what I've been through
how I got here-"
Me:"You mean how I got you there"
He kept quiet looking down
Him:"Yes how you got me here."
I nodded
Him:"Clients are backing out I'm losing
money everything is a mess Star I don't
know what to do" I sighed heavily
Me:"Come up with new fresh ideas and
attract clients be innovative"
Him:"I'm blank Star! My life is turmoil
everything is spinning"
Me:"What do you want from me Thabo
cause its clear you didn't come here to
confide only"
He sighed I knew where this was going
but I wanted him to say it.
Him:"It's nothing"
Me:"Thabo..."
Him:"I know this is too much and I don't
expect you to agree but I need your help
Star I need it. I have kids Star that need
my support I don't expect you to support
our baby alone. Please Star I'm begging
you help me out"
He was literally begging me! The almighty
Thabo was begging me!! Me Star the
woman he left! Look at life! It will humble
you!!!
I got up from the couch my hands were
shaking they were itching to slap his balls
bigger!! What does he take me for?!!
Me:"Please close the door on your way
out I can take care of my baby I don't
need your help"
He also got up his eyes were glossy with
tears I chuckled. What a joke!
Him:"Star plea-"
Me:"Please leave my man doesn't want
you anywhere near me. Go"
I could see the shock he had but he
quickly hid it. What did he think will
happen I'll be hung on him for life?!
Delusional!
Me:"Thabo just leave before you make a
total kak of yourself not that you anything
less but please spare me this nonsense"
He took a step forward
"Your 10 minutes is up you gotta bounce"
I chuckled
Me:"You even gave him a-"
M:"Not now Star"
Me:"When?! Huh? When you feel like it
cause you keep bringing these people
back into my life?!"
Him:"These people?"
Me:"Yes these people!"
Him:"I just want my family back Star! I
want us to be the way we were before the
scandal"
 Me:"We will never be again Mpumelelo!
Get that through your big head! It's over!
There's no happy family! We'll never be
united again!! Now stop dragging me into
this hell hole!!"
He looked at me in rage he had his
phone in his hands and they were shaking
in anger. He hates being shouted at and I
know that but he just pisses me off!!!!!
Me:"If you wanna chill and have a good
time with your family do so but don't drag
me along"
I clicked my tongue that small balled idiot
was still standing there
Me:"And you better stay the fuck away
from me!"
I pointed at him and went to the room I
was using I was do angry that I cried
when I got in the. These people are taking
advantage of my kindness! I've always
obeyed but that needs to stop I'm tired of
being a bloody door mat!
The following day I didn't feel like getting
out of bed but I wanted to pop by the
funeral and go home I was even regretting
coming here. I got ready in a tight hugging
body showing off my wheels damn won't
call it baby fat because it was there even
before I got pregnant, M knocked on my
room Me:"Come in"
He walked I'm dressed in a black slim
fitting suit
Him:"Good morning"
He kissed my forehead and picked up
Spha
Me:"Hey"
Him:"You sound tired"
Me:"I am"
 Him:"Already packed? I thought we
gonna spend some time together.... No
family"
I sighed and sat down he joined me
Me:"Unfortunately I can't next week I'm
going back to work"
Him:"What will happen to the kids?"
Me:"Nanny"
He nodded we sat in silence it was
starting to become awkward I got up
Me:"Let's get going"
Him:"Yeah"
He also got up we looked at each other
Him:"I'm sorry about yesterday I didn't
even know that's how you feel I just
wanted us to go back to the way we were-
"
Me:"You mean how we were cause you
were not part of the family"
We both chuckled I pulled him to me and
gave him a hug.
Me:"I love you"
Him:"I love you too sis"
I wore my wig on
Him:" Did Nkanyiso get you?"
I looked at him confused
Him:"He called last night saying your
phone was off told him I wasn't at home
he was shocked to learn you here. Are
you guys okay?"
Me:"I officially broke things off with him.
He has too much baggage"
He frowned
Him:"We all have baggage Star"
Me:"He has a girlfriend M and she's
expecting"
Him:"Oooohh damn I'm sorry"
Me:"Arg I'm over that"
No I'm not!! I miss him!
Him:"Well Erh... Look I didn't know you
guys are off so.. Well you see the thing is..
Uhm"
Me:"Mpumelelo"
Him:"He's coming"
I sighed and sat on the bed
Me:"Thanks!"
Him:"Sorry"
He didn't look sorry!!
Me:"Whatever"
We finished off and drove to their house.
Ouch! I helped him choose that house
when he started making real money I
forced him to get out of that flat and buy a
house but no need to cry over spilled milk
it's all over now.
 When we got there the family was
already there it was a baby's funeral so it
wasn't gonna be big just family and
friends. M dumped me with my cousins I
didn't feel like sitting with them nor did I
feel like sitting with the elders. Why am I
even here?!!
Some of the family members were
surprised to see me there they thought I
wouldn't come especially after everything
they did to me but there I was...
The tiny casket finally arrived seeing it
made my heart bleed I felt sorry for my
sister I'm also a mother what would I do if
my two monkeys would leave me behind. I
seriously felt for her.
"what is that witch doing here?!"
I looked up and it was my sister looking at
me. Wait am I the witch? She's probably
mistaken.
Her:"Ma what is she doing here?!!"
Okay she was talking about me. I was the
witch!
Ma:"She came to support yo-"
Her:"She killed my baby!!!"
Wait what?!! I looked around clearly
confused.
Dad:"Buhl-"
Her:"No dad stop taking her side!! Star
killed my baby because she wants her son
to be Thabo's heir!!!"
Wait what?! Gasps started going off with
whispers.
Ma:"Calm down ba-"
Her:"No ma!! You know it too Star killed
my angel. She killed an innocent soul
because of her jealousy!!"
 She broke down into Ma's arms I was so
confused! Why is she accusing me of
something so damn serious?!
I got up holding Skylar Sihle had Spha I
didn't trust anyone with Skylar not that I
trusted them with Spha but Skylar was
more fragile.
Her:"Get out of my house Star!! Get out!!"
I looked at mom she looked away my
eyes moved to dad and he also looked
away I chuckled bitterly with tears burning
my eyes. It was dead quiet
Me:"Its fine I'll leave"
My voice was breaking not even my
parents could stood up for me. I looked
around everyone was looking at me I
didn't care! I searched for M with my eyes
I couldn't see him.
Dad:"Star-"
Me:"I'm gonna go!! Just give me a few"
 I looked at him breathing heavily
Me:"To think I used to look up to you...
How I wanted to be strong and powerful
like you bu-..."
I shook my head with tears going down
my cheeks I took my son from Sihle. I had
Skylar on my back and Spha on my hip...
Buhle:"I hope you happy"
Me:"I'm actually pleased! Trust me baby
sis there's more coming for you than
dead babies" They gasped
Her:"Excuse me?"
Me:"You heard me what thought I was
gonna be quiet like I've been all my life?"
Ma:"Star please"
I chuckled and took my handbag
B:"And tell the damn truth we all know
that's not Thabo's son. I know what kind of
a hoe you are Star!"
 I was almost at the door I placed Spha on
the table that was next to me and with
anger took the cup and threw it at her
direction!
Me:"Don't fucken compare me to you!!!"
Blood was running down her forehead my
hands were shaking in anger. I've really
had enough of them!!!
I saw mom charging for me in rage I
didn't move I stood in one place her hand
went up to slap me I stood there waiting
for it to reach my cheek but it didn't.
M was holding her arm
Him:"Don't even think about! What the
fuck is going on here?!! I leave for a few
and come back to this"
I took the crying Spha
Me:"Car keys I need to get out of here"
Him:"You not going anywhere"
B:"Yes she is! Star killed my son!!!"
That fake family was helping her with the
blood. Damn I can aim! I'm proud!
Me:"Mpumelelo"
Him:"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
He shoved mums arm and moved to
stand in the middle of the room.
Him:"Star doesn't care about you!! She
doesn't want that chicken you call a man
now give me a damn good reason she'd
kill your baby?"
Mom:"Oh please we all know Star is still
hung on Thabo"
M chuckled shaking his head
Him:"You're one fucked up family. As old
men you suppose to do the right thing! But
no you're all pussys supporting
nonsense!! Fuck this shit!!"
Uncle Sam:"Boy what di-"
M:"You fucken heard me!"
Dad:"Mpumelelo-"
M:"Oh shut the fuck up dad!! Ever since
you married that witch standing there you
became weak!! What happened to the
strong man you used to be?!!... You've let
us down. I'm sure mom is disappointed in
you. Look at Star! Take a fucken look at
Star!! That's your daughter! Your
daughter... I wish you were driving
instead"
The room was dead quiet dad was
staring at the floor M came my way mom
was standing in front of me with her back
facing me. M stood in front of her
Him:"You may look like our mother but
you'd never be her. I guess this is history
repeating itself"
He pushed her aside and took Spha from
me.
Him:"Let go"
He took my hand holding it real tight. He
was shaking.
Him:"I hope you happy dad you just lost
Nolwazi's children for a bitch of a
daughter"
After saying that he dragged me to the
car. My head was spinning so fast. Who
the fuck is Nolwazi?
Cause the only Nolwazi I know is the ex
he loved so much and tattooed her name
on his chest but I've never met her... "You
may look like our mother but you'd never
be her"
What did he mean by that? Oh now I get
it!! I've also lost respect for our parents
that I also don't consider them as my
parents anymore
Insert 23
 The drive to his place was probably the
most terrifying ride of my life!! I was
sucking my teeth all the way there M was
driving so fast and recklessly I kept
begging him to slow down because 1. I
didn't wanna die. 2. We had babies in the
damn car but he didn't listen he was all
cooped up in his head. Never have I seen
him like that he was definitely not my
brother.
He parked at his spot there was a black
Polo gti parked next to his.
Him:"I'll be back later I just need to clear
my head"
Me:"You don't need to go M we c-"
Him:"I'll be back later Star"
He said through gritted teeth okay he was
really mad I got out of his car with my two
angels
Me:"The key"
 Him:"Its open"
I nodded feeling so down and hurt. I'm
never good enough for my family and
that's something I've learned to live with,
I've tried countless times to reach out to M
but he always shuts the door in my face.
He's always there for me and I wanna do
the same but he doesn't allow me.
With a lot of struggle I finally made it to
the door M didn't even help me he just
drove away. I opened the door getting the
shock of my life.
Nkanyiso was pacing around and a half
naked woman was "chilling" on the couch
with her feet on the table and snacks next
her.
Me:"Erh hi"
He stopped pacing around and charged
for me I quickly moved back with so much
confusion. What the hell?!!
Him:"Are you okay? Your eyes are puffy
what did they do Nkosa-"
Me:"I'm fine Nkanyiso!"
He sighed loudly the girl was still seated
in the same position.
Me:"Excuse me"
I passed Nkanyiso and went to my room
this wasn't my house I wasn't gonna tell
her to sit properly.
The door opened I sighed looking at him
he closed the door and locked it.
Him:"We need to talk"
Me:"Not now Nkanyiso"
Him:"No Star"
That felt like a command
Me:"Who the fuck is that?"
He chuckled
Him:"Your brother's girlfriend"
 Euuww!!! M could do so much better than
that!!! Yes she was beautiful but no!!
I tucked my babies in Nka was just
standing there making things awkward.
Me:"Talk so you can leave I wanna be
alone"
Him:"What did they do?"
I just looked at him. When he realised I
wasn't about to talk he sighed
Him:"Ntombi and I are over"
My breath got stuck in my throat I
coughed
Me:"What? Just like that? Way too easy"
He sighed again running his hands on his
face he gestured for me to sit down whilst
he sat on the couch. I sat on the bed
Him:"Trust me it wasn't easy"
I looked at him
Him:"Calling quits and letting go was
easy because I feel nothing for her"
I pulled a face. He looked so nervous.
Him:"Okay! Okay! That was the longest
relationship I've ever been in there'll
always be a tiny winze part of me that will
always care for her but Star 99% of the
remaining love is yours yes I know its way
too early to be jumping to love but I really
love you-"
Me:"Can we just get back to the part you
calling quits"
He sighed for the hundredth time
Him:"She didn't wanna let go I have to be
honest with you Star.... I've cheated on
her countless times she'd leave me and
come back again I've never broken things
off that was her job and now... For the first
time I did at first she thought you're just
one of my floozies so she didn't really
care but now..."
He yet again sighed I could see this
wasn't easy for him. Why do it when you
don't want to?
Him:"I'm serious about you Star I'm
serious about us if it means I have to let
go of things than so be it because I'm
crazy about you Nkosazana"
He squatted in front of me with my hands
in his. I love this man I really do! I held his
cheek staring at his beautiful eyes
Him:"I told her I'll be there for my child but
it's over"
I nodded. Why do we have to get through
trauma for us reach to happiness?
Him:"Can I kiss you?"
Me:"No"
 I wasn't about to take him back just like
that! No!
Him:"Please. Can I kiss those lips?"
He whispered with that voice of his my
insides cringe in a good way I think... He
was staring at my lips licking his, his eyes
slowly moved to my eyes I nodded. It felt
like I was under a spell. He snaked his
hand to the back of my neck and brought
me closer
Him:"I love you"
He whispered before sucking my lips. It
felt good! Like REALLY good!!!
I slowly broke the kiss. I love you but...
Me:"The way I got you is the wa-"
Him:"For once in your life Star don't follow
the rules, don't think about tomorrow just
be free and wild. Live!"
I giggled and smooched his delicious lips.
This man is gonna be the death of me
Him:"We good?"
I stared at him he had a big smile I
watched it disappear as I shook my head
Me:"I don't know you Nka"
Him:"But baby I already told you"
I sighed and got up. I stood at the window
Him:"Nkosazana"
Me:"So when you told her about me did
she threat to hurt me cause last time I
could hear she wanted to hurt me?"
I decided to change the topic or else we
were gonna get stuck again because it
was clear he wasn't gonna tell me about
himself.
He got up from the floor
Him:"She did. She thinks I went for you
because my family will approve of you,
see when I introduced her my family didn't
want her only my mom and Nkosi my
brother approved. The rest didn't
according to them she's below our
standards well their standards, that she's
a nobody but I loved her so I didn't care.
My father did everything to break us up
but my mind was made up I thought she
was the one until I met you"
These people have been through the
worst! Who am I to get between them?!
What guarantee do I have that he won't
go back to her?!
Me:"I thought your father died"
We looked at each other he quickly
looked away clearing his throat.
Him:"He is dead I call my uncle dad"
I nodded not believing a word he just
said. Why so many secrets?!
He stood in front of me and took my
hands into his
Him:"Soon you'll know everything just
give me some time. Please"
Me:"Promise?"
He nodded
Me:"You swear? Open your mouth Nka"
He chuckled
Him:"I swear cross my heart hope to die"
I giggled I pecked his lips
Him:"Can we get out of here I can see
your bags are already packed"
Me:"I need to talk to M first"
He nodded. Nkazimulo started crying I
went over to him and gave him his best
friend my boob.
Him:"You losing weight"
He was frowning making it seem like it
was a bad thing
Me:"Yep!"
Him:"But I like your body actually love not
that I won't when the meat is gone but its
just that I love my handles more"
I giggled he climbed on the bed... And I
love you but I am not gonna tell you until
you deserve to hear it.
A loud knock woke me up I groaned
Nkanyiso was holding tight to me and
Spha had his hand inside my night vest
my heart broke he probably misses his I
slowly removed his hand giving him a
peck, I turned and looked at the big baby
he was still fast asleep. No lies this man
was beautiful. We had nothing to do so we
decided to sleep nothing happened he just
wanted to hold me and I was glad
because I wasn't gonna give him any not
that I trusted myself to deny him.
The knock interrupted my appreciation
Me:"Yeah?"
"Star your parents are here they want to
talk to you"
I didn't know the voice probably M's
girlfriend. What do these people want from
me?!!
Me:"Okay I'll be right there"
I tried getting up but Nkanyiso wasn't
having any of that
Me:"Let me go"
He shook his head getting much closer
than he already was
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"No"
Me:"I need the bathroom"
He groaned before setting me free I
jumped over him I went to brush my teeth
in the bathroom and went back to the
room.
Me:"Nka?"
Nothing
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Nothing
Me:"Oh well I'll be in the lounge my family
is here"
He literally jumped out of bed
Him:"What?"
I broke into a laughter
Me:"They here look after these two I'll
attend them"
He grabbed his jeans
Him:"Mouthwash?"
Me:"Over there... You not goi-"
He gave me a look I immediately shut my
mouth and left the room. I found them
seated there it was dad, mom and Thabo.
What the fuck was he doing here?!!
Me:"What is he doing here?"
Dad:"He drove us I don't know where my
glasses are so I asked him to drive us.
You can wait in the car son"
He nodded and got up. He stared at me
or not... I also turned to look at what he
was staring at. It was Nkanyiso. Oh shit!!
Nkanyiso came and stood behind me
holding my waist I could feel by the way
he was holding me he was pissed.
Him:"Good evening"
Thabo sat down again. My parents
greeted back Nka chuckled.
Me:"What are you guys doing here?"
Mom:"We need to talk in private as
family"
She was looking at Nkanyiso
Me:"Thabo is also not family"
Her:"He married your sister so he is
family"
I looked down feeling my chest tighten
Her:"Please excuse us"
Me:"He is my family so whatever you
wanna say, say it in front of him"
Nkanyiso brushed my waist I could feel
his breath flaming my ear
"I love you"
He whispered I nodded looking at my
family.
Dad:"Please sit. Both of you"
We sat down.
Dad:"You never introduced us Star"
Me:"You didn't come here for that can we
just get this over and done with?"
 He sighed fiddling with his fingers. He
cleared his throat
Him:"My princess is old enough to know
the truth, I've always protected you fro-"
Mom:"We"
Dad:"Yes we've always protected you
from it because we didn't want you to view
things differently. A long time ago I met
this woman called Nolwazi she was
beautiful she was shinning brighter than a
star and you look just like her. Oh my her
beautiful soul rest in peace. We got along
and M was conceived when she told me
that was the happiest day of my life I
couldn't even eat and then you came I still
couldn't believe I was blessed twice with
he-"
Mom cleared her throat.
Mom:"What your father is saying Star is
I'm not your biological mother my sister
was. See I met your father first and we
started dating my sister was jealous so
she went after him. She seduced him and
slept with him knowing he was mine M
was conceived she did it again and then
you came along. But your father loved me
not her so he broke things off and married
me and my sister being the jealous type
committed suicide because she couldn't
live watching us fall deeply in love"
I sat there frozen on the couch just
staring at them I didn't know how to feel
about what they just told me cause all my
life I thought my mother was my mother
but clearly I've been living a lie all my life.
I looked at my father and he was looking
at mom in shock.
The room was dead quiet I didn't know
what to say they just dropped a bomb on
me. My mother was a slut!!
Nka:"So Nolwazi did what Nkosazana's
sister did to her? I don't understand"
Mom:"Its not for you to understand"
Him:"Shouldn't Star have taken after her
mother and her sister after you? I mean
Nolwazi was the jealous type right but
today your daughter is the jealous one or
does she take after her aunt?"
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"What? I just wanna know baby
cause its clear you won't ask any
questions so I'm asking for you"
I was looking at him he kissed my
forehead and looked back at my parents.
Him:"Sir I know your beautiful daughter
hasn't done introductions but-"
Mom:"We already know who you are. A
nobody! A low life taxi driver. What a
downgrade"
I felt a pang in my heart. This woman's
mission was to break me apart.
Nkanyiso chuckled
Him:"A taxi driver that is a graduate.
Honours madam"
He leaned back on the couch I slowly
turned and looked at him he had a smirk
staring at my mother. I didn't know that!
Heck I know nothing about him!!!
Insert 24
We're all still seated there in pure silence
no one is saying anything I for one have
nothing to say. I hear a loud cry and by
the sound of it its Nkazimulo. Nkanyiso
gets up
Him:"Let go check on my son because
some weaklings don't know how to be a
father"
He said that looking at Thabo. Okay it
was clear from day one he hates Thabo
and I didn't blame him but drama was
something I wasn't gonna tolerate. He
went to the room
Me:"If that was all you can all leave"
My dad looked at me
Him:"Star"
Me:"Dad please... The way you treat me
you'd swear I was a mistake but you knew
what you were doing when you went out
with Nolwazi I get it that you loved mom
more bu-"
Him:"I loved your mother Star seNkosi! I
loved Nolwazi"
Mom:"He did but he loves me more baby
try to understand please. Forgive your
father he made mistakes we all do but he
loves you very much"
Me:"Just leave. All of you. Get out"
Dad:"Sta-"
Me:"Dad please"
He nodded I hated breaking his heart but
he's done way more than that.
Me:"Is that why you always choose Buhle
over me because I'm not yours and she
is?"
I was looking at mom or is it aunt?
Her:"What?! No!"
Me:"Yes"
Her:"Star I'd never do that"
Me:"You did it! Buhle did what Nolwazi
did to you and you still saw what she did
right"
Her:"I wasn't gonna stand in the way of
true love Star"
I chuckled and nodded. I got up
Me:"Its fine I'm over that. I'm over him. I'm
over you as my family. I'm over
everything! Next time please don't call me
whether its death, wedding, birth whatever
the case may be just don't call me I'm
done. Now can you please excuse us"
They got up Dad looked at me I looked
away.
T:"When you've calmed down we'll need
to talk about visitations"
I frowned
Me:"What visitations?"
Him:"My son Star"
I laughed clapping my hands
Me:"Are you listening to yourself? You
don't have a son Thabo Skylar already
has a father nunus and its not you. We'll
only need you when he needs to be
introduced to his ancestors that's all"
He got up clearly angry at me
Him:"Star seNkosi-"
Mom:"Leave it Thabo Buhle will-"
Dad:"Can we go?! Now!"
 He raised his voice my mother also got
up dad showed them the way they all left
with small goodbyes. It felt like the circle
my life has been rotating in has come to
an end I was breaking all contact with
them I had to move forward and it felt like
they were dragging me back. Sometimes
its not your friends or the women in your
area its your family they bring you down,
they wish you all the bad, they're the ones
who wanna see you fail so why bother
sticking around?
After locking the main door I went back to
the room Nkanyiso was laying on his back
with Spha on top if him
Him:"They gone?"
I nodded
Him:"They don't deserve you"
Me:"I know"
 I said below my breath as I took off my
slide and got in the bed. I stared at him
until he looked at me
Me:"Nkanyiso... you have Hon-"
Him:"Chill I don't"
Okay now I was confused
Me:"But you out there you said-"
Him:"I know what I said Star but no I don't.
I wasn't about to sit there and watch her
disrespect me like that I had to pull her
back. I had to stand up for you cause its
clear your family only cares about money
and qualification. They don't care about
how I'm gonna treat you as long as I have
the paper"
I was falling even more for him. He lied
for me?!! Lord take me now!!!
Me:"I don't care about that"
Him:"At first you did"
Me:"And you pulled me back"
Him:"By sleeping with you cause we both
know if my sex game was weak you
wouldn't be with me"
I giggled blushing. True!! But which
woman would want to be with a man that
has a weak sex game?! Come on!!
He looked at me. He looked so serious
and so handsome.
Him:"Do you really love me?"
Me:"Of course I do!"
Him:"What about the paper? Star you
gotta know I won't be able to take you to
restaurants I'll try but it won't be always, I
won't afford to take you around the world
or buy you the expensive brands. The
only thing I can guarantee you is my dick
game"
He looked at me with a goofy smile I
chuckled
 Him:"I can love you, cook for you and
treat you well. I'll try to give you the best
what I can afford but you gotta bear with
me Nkosa-"
I jumped on him making sure I'm not
hurting Spha I couldn't hold myself I
kissed him moving Spha to his little
brothers side. I sat on his King and slowly
moved my waist
Me:"Stop being so damn sweet!! You're
unreal!"
He chuckled holding my waist in place I
slapped his hands from me.
Me:"Stop being so perfect I'm starting to
not believe you"
Him:"I'm trying to melt you so I can get
into your pants and chow that pus-"
Me:"There's a child in the room!"
 He laughed holding my waist in one place
I could feel him getting hard that was the
plan and leave him hanging.
Him:"He better take after daddy and
make someone cry as they beg for it"
Me:"Mxm fuck off!!"
He laughed pulling me to his chest I laid
on it as I felt his hand move to my butt he
gave it a squeeze.
Him:"So we good like really good?"
I nodded as his hand went inside my
pyjama shorts
Him:"Spha needs to sleep daddy needs
to chow"
Me:"Daddy ain't getting nothing"
He ran his fingers at the crack of my butt.
Why am I so weak when it comes to
him?!!
Him:"Daddy needs a reward for being so
good to mommy"
I held him tight as he ran his finger on my
anus. Virgin!!!
Him:"Forbidden?"
I swallowed hard and nodded
Him:"Won't touch it"
I nodded he kissed my forehead.
Him:"I'm still chowing"
I giggled
Me:"You not"
Him:"That's not what Missy says"
Okay I was wet. I don't know why she's
like this! She always betrays me!! Damn!!
Me:"I'm the boss of her"
I removed my head on his chest and tried
sitting up straight I don't know how but he
pulled me to him and slammed inside I
screamed in shock.
Me:"Nkanyiso!!"
Him:"I'm sorry"
He locked me in his arms kissing my
forehead. He slowly moved his waist
Me:"Baby no"
Arg!!! I sounded so weak!!!
Him:"Fuck! You so tight"
He groaned moving his waist I clenched
Missy around King
Him:"Nko- Shit!"
I lifted my butt and balanced myself he
went fast underneath me I tried my best
not to be loud.
Me:"Fuck daddy"
I cried. This was not the plan. I sat on him
and moved my waist.
"Hey si- oh shit!!!"
The door shut loudly I jumped! Oh my
God!!! Oh my fucken word!!!!
I looked on the bed Nkanyiso was sitting
up still hard and Spha next to him playing
with his favourite toy. Oh my God we had
sex in front of a child!!! How could we be
so reckless?!!
We looked at each other. He started
laughing
Him:"You should see your face"
Me:"What the hell?! M just walked in on
us how am I gonna look at him? And
Spha next to you" He stopped laughing
Him:"I totally forgot about him"
Me:"Thought as much"
I took off the shorts and wiped between
my legs because I was dripping. He got
up and walked over to me. Damn his big!!!
Him:"What about me?"
Me:"Use your hand"
I pushed him aside but he pulled me back
Him:"Please"
Me:"Are you nuts?"
Him:"Blue balls yes!"
I turned around and bent over holding on
the couch
Me:"You owe me"
Him:"Okay"
He entered slowly
Me:"And be quick"
He stopped I turned my head he was
looking at me. He held the back of my hair
and shoved himself.
I moaned in pain
Him:"Don't tell me what to do"
His voice sounded so different
Me:"Yes"
Him:"Yes who?"
Me:"Daddy!"
He was so rough yet so good I couldn't
control my moans I was pretty loud.
Okay we deserve the worst parents
award but come on in ten years time Spha
won't even remember what we did in front
of him.
I woke up the following morning alone in
bed I was dressed in a night dress I don't
how I got to bed because last time I
checked we weren't on it. I got off the bed.
Damn I'm sore!!! I wore my gown and
made my way to the bathroom...
I was all cleaned up and dressed in tights
with a vest I went to the lounge they were
all there even M's girlfriend.
Me:"Hey"
They greeted back
M:"Good afternoon Star"
He sounded so serious. I cringed its
afternoon?!!
Me:"Afternoon M"
I sat down. Damn Missy is in pain!
Nkanyiso chuckled I looked at him
Me:"Mxm"
M:"When are you guys leaving because I
won't be listening to my little sister have
sex with my friend again?"
I cringed with my eyes tightly closed.
Awkward!! Embarrassing!!
Me:"I'm sor-"
Him:"You not answering my question"
Nka:"Was actually waiting for her to wake
up we would've left yesterday but
Nkosazana wanted to talk"
 Thank God he answered because I didn't
know how to answer that. M was being my
big brother all serious.
He looked at me I looked down
Me:"Er I wanted to-... To..."
Him:"Star seNkosi"
I was fiddling with my fingers. I felt like a
teenager I'm a grown woman I have a
child so he knows I open my legs but
seeing me and hearing was not on at all.
Me:"Wanted to ask about Nolwazi but
mom and dad told me about her. They
were here yesterday"
He kept quiet I slowly looked up and he
was looking at the wall.
Him:"What did they say?"
Me:"She was mom's sister"
He nodded and looked at me
Him:"That's true"
I nodded and shut my mouth.
Nka:"Haibo Star! Tell him what they said"
This guy!!!
Me:"Stop being forward"
Him:"Whatever!! So they got here
right...."
He went on telling him everything even
the part of mom telling him to leave he's
not family. I didn't know this Nkanyiso! He
was joking in between even the girlfriend
was laughing. He told M everything!!!
M:"Wait they said she stole him from
her?"
Nka:"Yep!! Which doesn't make sense!
Apparently she met him first and they
were in love. Nolwazi seducing your dad
didn't make sense! That's her daughte-"
M:"What?! Why the fuck is she lying?!! My
mother never stole dad she took him from
mom!! That drove her into depression I
might have been young but I knew what
was happening!! Dad was with her in that
car the night she died!! Why is she so
evil?!!"

Insert 25
We're on our way back home the kids are
sleeping it feels like I'm about to join them
Nkanyiso's slow jams are making me
sleepy. I look over at him he's lightly
drumming on the steering wheel with his
manly long fingers that always do
wonders to Missy, he's nodding his head
to Anthony's song with his lip tucked
between his teeth. How I wish that was
my lip tucked like that between his teeth
with his tongue glazing it. I swallow the
lump in my throat I've fallen hard for him
really hard and that wasn't part of the
plan, the plan was to protect myself from
his kind I've said this countless of times
men are all the same look at my father!
He's proven to me to never trust men but
here I am unable to control myself as I fall
deeper for Nkanyiso. I don't even know
him!! Gosh!! Pull yourself together Star!!
Stop being so weak!
I sat up straight pulling the fleece to my
neck he stole a glance at me and looked
back on the road.
Him:"Thought you're sleeping"
Me:"Can't"
Him:"You need to rest Nkosazana"
Me:"I'm fine Nkanyiso just concentrate on
the road"
He stole another glance. That came a bit
harsh instead of apologising I looked out
the window at the trees shadows it was
already midnight and at 5 I have to be up
because I'm returning back to work. My
heart clenches at the thought of leaving
my babies behind Ruth will be looking
after them I trust her. Nkanyiso turned the
volume up Love don't make no sense by
Joe was playing.
I looked at him he was singing along
looking ahead I knew he could feel my
gaze on him but he didn't dare look at me.
I swallowed and looked back at the trees
my mind drifted back to my brother the
way he was angry this is all still new to me
it hasn't sunk in that my mother is my aunt
and not my mother, now it all made sense
she used to be so nice we used to be so
close well that was until I got promoted
and dad started taking me to all the
business seminars making me meet all his
important clients I wanted to be just like
him but he turned his back on me...
"Does Ruth know your place?"
Me:"Michael will be bringing her"
 Him:"What's your problem Star seNkosi?
One minute you fine next you cold I can't
keep up with your moods and its starting
to annoy me"
He upped the speed I ignored him and
looked out the window. Don't show
weakness Star. Don't show him how much
you actually love him. How he stripes you
and become so vulnerable. Don't show.
Him:"Star"
I looked at him
Him:"Mxm"
He yet again upped his speed I remained
quiet. Why am I like this? Why am I
messing something so beautiful up? I love
him so much that it hurts but what if he
does what Thabo did to me? What if he
also cheats on me? I'm not perfect I don't
have a hot body, no perky boobs, my
tummy has stretch marks and I have trust
issues. Am I even lovable?...
His phone rings and its connect to the car
so it shows. Ntombi!
Him:"Its 12am T"
Her:"Hi to you too Teddy"
My heart goes all the way to my throat I
swallow it down.
Him:"What do you want?"
Her:"Ouch! Is she that good?"
He doesn't answer her
Her:"Say I to her majesty for me"
He still ignores her
Her:"Oh come o-"
Him:"Mxm"
He drops her call I can't feel my chest.
 She calls again he ignores it like nothing
is happening but she doesn't stop so he
answers
Him:"You getting on my last nerve"
Her:"Okay I just wanted to remind you
about the appointment we have"
Him:"Okay"
Her:"I know you Tedd-"
He hung up again sighing heavily. He
takes a look at me and looks back at the
road...
We arrived at my place at about 3am I'm
only left with two hours. Arg I hate my
life!!!
Him:"I need to go"
The mood is still sour between us and its
all my fault
Me:"But its 3 in the morning"
Him:"I'm going to the rank today so...
Yeah"
He walked over to the door. Stay!!!
Me:"Nkanyiso"
He stops but doesn't turn. I love you
Me:"Drive safely"
I hear him sigh
Him:"Lock the door"
He walks out closing the door my heart
clenches. What the hell is wrong with
me?!!!
Its 6:30 I'm still running around Michael is
not bringing Ruth so she's taking a cab I'm
tired my body wants to rest but my leave
ends here so I don't have a choice.
I took the bottles and placed them on the
counter with everything she was gonna
need I took my bags and stood at the door
waiting for her a cab stopped in front of
the house Ruth rushed out.
Her:"I'm sorry I'm late"
Me:"Its okay its the first day look I wrote
everything down if you need anything call
me. My number is on the fridge"
She nodded I ran back inside to kiss my
angels. Its gonna be a long day!!
Me:"Be good boys mommy loves you.
Bye Ruth!"
At the rank the the queue is
undescribably long I stand behind two
girls asking whether their are last and they
say yes. I took my phone and wrote
Michael a message I was gonna be late.
What's the use of dating a taxi driver if it
means I'm gonna be standing in long
lines!
"Hi"
I looked up and I was met with big round
brown eyes. So cute...
Me:"Hi"
Him:"Are you the last person?"
I nodded he was looking straight into my
eyes which made me look back at my
phone. Awkward! He started making small
chats about the line and how late we were
gonna be I was chatting back. He seemed
nice
Him:"I'm Siya"
Me:"Star"
He chuckled
Him:"How's the little one?"
I looked at him in shock. Who are you?!!
Him:"Don't be so shock! Its not my first
time seeing you and we sometimes take
the same taxi"
Me:"Oh?"
Him:"Yeah"
I nodded. I didn't know him shame
Him:"By the way me and my little sister
think you really beautiful"
I chuckled with a little blush
"She knows"
He enveloped me from behind I leaned
back on him as his scent washed over me
filling up my nostrils.
Him:"Hey baby"
Me:"Hey"
Him:"You late"
Me:"I know"
He trailed kisses on my neck not making
it obvious
Me:"Thank you Siya for the compliment"
Him:"Pleasure all mine"
Nkanyiso cleared his throat I chuckled
Me:"Baby this is Siya. Siya this is
Nkanyiso"
They shook hands
Nka:"Her boyfriend"
Siya:"Her new friend"
They let go
Nka:"I didn't know you want new friends?"
Me:"Its not like I have any so I don't mind"
Turned to face
him cupping his
face He nodded
and gave my
lips a peck.
Him:"I'd take you but I'm next in line"
Me:"Its fine as long as you come over
tonight we need to talk"
He let's go of me taking my bags from me
and moves with the line
Him:"I'll knock off after 1am I have a trip
with the casino staff"
I nodded.
Me:"I understand"
I actually don't!! I wanted us to sit down
and talk I wanted to tell him about my
fears. I just needed assurance.
"Nka ndoda go in!!"
Him:"Vusi!!"
He threw his keys at some guy. I think
he's Vusi.
Him:"I'll ask one of my guys to take take
the casino trip I'll be at your place at about
9pm"
I looked at him still moving with the line
he was wearing a black Adidas hoodie
and track pants.
Me:"Never wear these unless you with
me at home"
Him:"Haibo mamakhe?"
I looked up at him he was finding this
amusing.
Me:"I'm serious"
His entire King was visible!!! He didn't
have a pinky and he knew that!! Now
these thirsty chicks will be staring at
what's mine!!!
He threw his arm over my shoulder still
finding the situation amusing.
Him:"So we deciding for each other what
to wear and what not?"
Me:"Your dick is all out Nkanyiso"
He doesn't stop laughing. The girls in
front of us turn giggling so they heard me.
Whatever!! Go crayon your crayoning
books!
Him:"Don't be so loud. Don't you like what
you see?"
Me:"Trust me I do but baby its mine and
mine alone they don't have to see it"
Okay I'm whinnying I sound like a 5 year
old but I don't care
Him:"I'll think about it"
Me:"There's nothing to think about. Don't
test me Nkanyiso or else I'll cut it off and
we'll see-"
He cuts me off busy threatening him.
Him:"Hawu baby I won't wear them to the
rank but I will wear them when you around
even if we at the mall as long as you
around"
Me:"Good! I love you"
I pecked his lips he was frowning down
on me
Him:"You sure you not pregnant? The
moods are making me dizzy"
"Nkanyiso baba sukuma"
 Him:"We'll talk tonight about these moods
I love you"
He quickly smooches my lips and runs off
to his taxi I want to shout he must go take
those track pants off but I'd be drawing
attention to myself not that its not already
on me. I don't know but people are
staring.
Siya clears his throat oh Lord I totally
forgot about him. I turn with a smile
Him:"So you dating the big guy?"
Big guy?
Me:"Ye- yeah I think I am"
He nodded
Him:"You're so nice and well mannered
because when girls from around here date
taxi drivers they become all highly mighty
thinking they mustn't pay in their taxi's but
you do"
 I've never travelled to work in Nkanyiso's
taxi. I'm confused
Me:"Erh yeah I guess"
Insert 26
"Why are you so quiet?"
I asked as I was spread out on the bed
getting a massage well was because its
now turned into a booty massage and I'm
not complaining.
Him:"Its nothing"
I tried turning to face him but he didn't
allow me instead he placed his head on
my back Me:"Nkanyiso"
He groaned sitting up straight I also sat
up.
Me:"Talk to me"
Him:"We went to the gynaecologist
today"
I swallowed and nodded. You accepted
his proposal knowing very well he's gonna
have a baby so toughen up Star!!
Him:"Arg never mind"
Me:"Baby"
I touched his arm moving closer to him.
Me:"Please talk to me"
Him:"You won't like this I'm also still
confused and shock by it can we first talk
about your moods and what you wanted
us to talk about?"
I nodded. I moved away from him and got
under the cover using the pillows to
support my back whilst he sat at my feet. I
took a huge breath. He goes nothing...
Me:"What do you see in me?"
Him:"What?!"
He's shocked. I don't know but I feel tears
building up because saying it out loud is
totally different from the conversations I
hold in my head
Me:"In me what do you see"
He moved closer
Him:"Are you doubting yourself?"
I looked down fiddling with my fingers he
slipped his hand under my chin and raised
my head to face him
Him:"Nkosazana are you doubting
yourself?"
He whispered as if he doesn't wanna hurt
me. I slowly nodded and looked down.
Him:"But why?"
I chuckled pushing my tears back
Me:"Come on Nkanyiso look at me"
Him:"I am looking at you"
I got up from the bed and went to sit in
front of the mirror giving him my back I
just didn't wanna look at him
 Me:"I'm scared that you'll also leave me
for another woman. I mean look at me
who wouldn't? You should see Buhle she
has the most perfect figure with a slender
body and I on the other hand. I'm sure you
also gonna leave me-"
Him:"What makes you so sure I'm gonna
leave you?"
I chuckled through tears. He sounds
annoyed
Me:"I have 2 kids Nkanyiso, my self-
esteem is low, I'm not the sexiest of them
all and I don't trust you! Those are the
reasons you'd leave" Him:"So you don't
trust me"
I kept quiet playing with my fingers
Him:"I'm asking you a question Star
seNkosi"
I shook my head
Me:"I don't. I trusted Thabo and look
where tha:-"
Him:"Stop comparing me to your ex Star!!"
He was on his feet clearly mad at me I
turned to face him
Me:"Nka-"
Him:"Have you ever heard me compare
you to Ntombi? No! So why are you
comparing me to him?"
Me:"Because you left the relationship
willingly Nkanyiso you didn't get cheated
on!!"
Him:"I am not Thabo Star!!"
I kept quiet allowing my tears to run down
my cheeks. That's what he says now but
in the long run its all gonna change.
He sighed loudly before lifting my head I
stared at my reflection in the mirror
 Him:"I fell for you in your worst days. You
were pregnant with another mans child
but I still fell. You were crying over
another fella but I still fell Star. Don't you
see that I genuinely love you I'm not here
for the good time only... You doubting
yourself is actually pissing me off for real"
He moved to the bed sitting on the edge
of it.
Him:"What the fuck? Have you seen
yourself?"
He chuckled
Him:"I don't ever ever Star wanna hear
you doubt yourself I understand about the
trust issue I'll just have to earn it but
baby..."
He shook his head I wiped my tears. He
got up from the bed
Him:"I love Spha and Nka they're my kids
Star can we please never speak about
this again and stop filling your head with
nonsense"
He held my shoulders staring at me
through the mirror
Him:"I love you Nkosazana"
I nodded sniffing
Me:"And I love you"
Him:"Good!"
I got up and pecked his lips
Me:"Let me go wash the dishes"
I took them from the floor and went to the
kitchen. I wanted to be alone yes I love
him but I'm scared. My chest was still
heavy it will surely take time to heal.
I heard his footsteps coming to the
kitchen.
Him:"You really beautiful Star"
I blushed
Me:"Thanks"
Him:"You have a beautiful smile too"
I giggled
Me:"Thank you Nkanyiso"
I turned and faced him
Me:"So you own taxis"
I was trying my luck. He frowned
Him:"Google or the big mouth who said
that is lying to you"
He went over to the fridge and took out
the milk. Seriously?! I just wanna know
who the hell he is!!
Him:"Lies"
He drank from the container
Me:"Nkanyiso"
He winked chuckling.
Me:"So you gonna tell me?"
Him:"what? I don't own taxis I'm
employed just like everybody else"
Me:"Where did you get the money to buy
a gti?"
He shrugged
Him:"I saved"
Me:"Saved?"
He shook his head
Him:"No saved"
I looked at him. I give up on him!!! I
seriously do!! I turned back to my dishes.
Him:"You so cute when nosey"
I rolled my eyes. Jerk!!!
He trapped me in front of the sink with his
hands holding onto the sink I had the
dishcloth in my hands.
Him:"Whatever you gave me is working
Nkosazana. I'm deeply in love with you its
even scaring me. Is one even suppose to
feel like this? Its overwhelming Star"
He placed his head on my shoulder. I
couldn't feel my chest I had a lump in my
throat my tummy was experiencing
cramps. I think I need the bathroom...
I leaned my head on him as he showered
my neck with wet kisses, with my head
jerked to the side I could see his hand
gripping on the sink his knuckles were
turning white. Oh-kay?
Him:"Baby"
That came out as a whisper not the sexy
kinda whisper he sounded scared.
Me:"Mhm?"
Him:"Ntombi is expecting triplets"
An unexpected gasp escaped my lips my
hand went straight to my mouth. I think I'm
gonna be sick I tried pushing him out of
the way but he wouldn't budge
Me:"Bathroom Nk-... Nkanyiso"
He moved out of the way I ran to the
bathroom I didn't entirely make it I started
off on the floor and went on to the toilet. I
was throwing up that was unexpected.
Nkanyiso was there brushing my back
tears were gushing out of my eyes I don't
think it was because of the gaging I think it
had something to do with Ntombi
expecting triplets. I sat there staring at the
toilet
Him:"Go to bed I'll clean this up"
Me:"No it-"
Him:"I wasn't asking"
I got up with his help I was feeling weak I
rinse my mouth.
Him:"Wait"
I stood there as he stripped me to my
undergarments the onzie I was wearing
was covered in vomit.
Him:"Let's get you dressed"
We went back to the room he took out
clean pyjamas and dressed me up.
Him:"Do you need anything?"
I shook my head as tears built up in my
eyes. They gonna have not 1 but 3 kids!!!
THREE!!!!
He tucked me in and placed a kiss on my
forehead. I covered my head as he
walked out. Oh my God I'm gonna lose
him! three? Three? THREE?!!! oh Lord!!
I know she was with him first I got him
with her and I didn't have a problem with
her being pregnant cause she was there
first but now everything changes. They
gonna have 3 kids!! Why is her womb so
friendly?!!
Insert 27
My alarm goes off at 5 I don't feel like
going to work my body is tired I just
wanna stay in bed drink wine and eat
donuts but life is humbling me. He didn't
cheat on me but it sure does feel like it.
Tell me how does one carry on being
happy and in love whilst your partner is
about to have three kids with their ex of
many years? what if this brings them
closer and she steals him? But Nkanyiso
is a grown ass man he can't be stolen he'll
go back to her willingly, what will happen
to me if he does? Will I ever recover from
that cause he's the centre of my heart.
I struggle to switch off the alarm because
Nkanyiso is holding me tightly.
Me:"Nkanyiso"
He loosens his grip but doesn't let go. I
switched it off
Him:"Don't go in"
Me:"I have to"
Him:"Please"
I can feel him poking me. Morning boner?
How old is he 12?!!
Me:"I have to"
He sighed.
Him:"How are you feeling?"
Me:"I'm okay"
Him:"You sure? You kinda scared me last
night"
Me:"I'm fine"
Him:"Michael called last night but you
were already out so I answered he said
he'll be fetching Spha they going to the
farm"
 I sighed why does Michael always do this
to me?! He always tells me at the last
minute he's fetching Spha!
Me:"Why is he going to the farm on a
Tuesday?"
Him:"Death"
I gasped turning to face him
Me:"Oh my goodness"
Him:"I'm joking"
He had a small smile
Me:"Don't joke about death Nkanyiso"
He laughed and rolled over getting on top
of me I opened my legs so he got
between them.
Him:"Sorry"
He captured my lips in his. We haven't
brus- don't care!! The kiss was slow yet I
don't know...
Him:"Good morning"
I lazily looked into his eyes
Me:"Morning"
Him:"Baby a water restriction is out so we
need to save water by sharing a shower"
I laughed this guy
Me:"Why are you lying"
Him:"Serious baby"
Me:"Stop lying Nkanyiso! We sharing only
if you promise to make sure the poking
guy stops poking me"
King was directly at Missy still hard
Him:"Don't worry nothing is gonna
happen but the heat coming from madam
is making it difficult so if I don't get up now
I might do some-"
I pushed him off me my Missy had to rest
King keeps tearing her up. He pulled me
up
Me:"We need to be quick one of them is
gonna wake up soon"
A cocky smile spread through his face
Me:"I'm talking about showering. Come"
I pulled him to the bathroom. We were
mid showering when he pushed me to the
wall with my back on him the warm water
was running between us he held my
hands above my head. I could feel him
brushing King at the crack of my butt
Me:"Baby"
I moaned out
Him:"Hm?"
He was kissing my neck
Me:"Let go of my hands"
He slowly seductively let them go running
his hands on the sides of my body I
quivered and turned to face him. I got hold
of King and stroked him
Me:"I love you"
He nodded I turned him to be on the wall
and turned the tap off, I slowly went on my
knees with my eyes locked with his I could
see the shock in them well I've never went
down on him so that was expected.
Him:"Nkosa-"
I licked the head
Him:"Fff- baby"
Me:"Yes daddy"
He looked at me sucking his breath in
Him:"Deep throat daddy"
With that voice I couldn't disagree. I
stopped stroking King and slowly
swallowed him to my limit Him:"Oh shiiiit"
With a lot of swearing, hair pulling,
sucking and deep throats he finally cum in
my mouth I didn't know whether to
swallow or spit it out. Well he takes mine
so I swallowed he pulled me up I kissed
Him:"Sies Star!"
Me:"Taste yourself.... Daddy!"
I cracked up the facial expressions he
was pulling were too much they always
expect us to taste ourselves but they can't
do the same? Yanya!!
We finished up showering and went back
to the bedroom Nkazimulo had his hands
all up wide awake.
Nka:"Get ready I'll attend him"
Me:"Thanks"
Him:"Boy if that's how daddy's mornings
are gonna be I think I'll be sleeping over
often"
I giggled he winked at me.
I took out some peach dress his phone
rang he walked out answering it I only
heard T which meant it was Ntombi but
why walk out? I've been included in some
calls but now? Wow!
I threw that peach dress aside and took
out a royal blue body hugging dress, a
white blazer and royal blue block heels. I
did my make up and brushed my wig I
was just wasting time waiting for him, he
came back dragging his feet with Skylar
on his chest.
Him:"Still not dressed?"
Me:"Was doing my make up"
He nodded. I wore a red thong and it's
bra
Me:"Help me with this"
Ain't no woman that can't clip their bras
but I wanted him to do it. He clipped it for
me
Him:"Isn't this meant for me and not
work?"
Me:"When I bought it I bought it for
myself"
He nodded frowning I got dressed the
dress was a bit uncomfortable but
whatever!!
Him:"Erh is- ... Is Michael still fetching
Spha?"
Me:"Yep! Let me call him"
I took my phone and called Michael
Him:"Star"
Me:"Mr B"
He chuckled
Me:"Are you still coming?"
Him:"Yes I am I miss the boy"
Me:"Okay cool. Oh can you give me a lift
to work please"
Him:"Yeah sure besides I was gonna go
there for the Motsepe file"
Me:"Okay cool I'll get him ready"
We bid each other bye Nkanyiso was
staring at me
Me:"He's still coming"
Him:"And I'm taking you to work"
Me:"No you not. You going to the rank
Michael is taking me to work"
He got up
Him:"No
man will be-
" Jealous
much?!!
Me:"Its still early for this"
I wore my gown and woke Spha up
Nkanyiso was on my tail all the way to the
bathroom
Me:"And then?"
Him:"What's this?"
I ignored him and bath my baby.
Me:"So have you set a date for the
damages?"
He was seating on the toilet seat its lid
was down
Him:"No"
Me:"You should"
I took Spha out and wrapped my baby in
a towel we went back to the room.
Nka:"Don't think my family will want to
pay for damages"
Me:"You paying not them after all you
extending the family 3×"
That sounded bitter
Him:"Sta-"
Me:"Oh today please buy condoms
because this raw thing is rather risky"
Him:"Star-"
Me:"I woul-"
Him:"Star!!!"
My spirit jumped out of my body as he
screamed my name I took a deep breath
and continued dressing Spha up.
He sighed loudly we ignored each other
and carried on with our own things.
I was now finishing up our breakfast he
was in the lounge with the kids Ruth was
running late again but I didn't mind. I took
the tray that had his breakfast and coffee.
Me:"There you go"
He looked at me
Him:"Thanks"
I faked a smile and went to fetch mine.
We ate in silence we were almost done
when he opened his mouth.
Him:"What's your problem Star?"
 We looked at each other he had this hard
look on his face
Me:"You're about to have 3 kids so what
now?"
Him:"What do you mean what now?"
Me:"Us Nkanyiso where does that leave
us"
Him:"Where does that lea- wow woman!
You constantly have these wheels turning
in that head of yours and they messing
you up Star. I've told you countless of
times I love you and I want you when will
that register in that head of yours?"
I took my plate to the kitchen my hands
were shaking I was mad! I was mad at
him! At my parents! At my family! At the
world! At the universe! I was just mad!!
"Star seNkosi"
Me:"Leave me alone Nkanyiso"
Him:"Leav- okay"
Me:"Yes go!!!"
The plate broke
Him:"What the fuck is wrong with you?!!"
Me:"You are what's wrong with me!! The
lies Nkanyiso!! The secrets!!! That's
what's wrong!!"
Him:"What lies?!!! I've be open with you-"
Me:"I don't fucken know who the fuck you
are!!!"
The cup broke he looked at it
Him:"Know what? I'm leavi-"
Me:"Yes go back to that low life job of
yours!"
Him:"What did you just say?"
Me:"You heard me"
He chuckled
 Me:"Hurts doesn't it? Good at least now
you know how I feel"
Him:"I'm done I can't do this! You're so
fucken naïve!! A fucken snob!! And bloody
childish too! I'm done with you. DONE!"
He walked out the kitchen I took the
broom he came back
Him:"With the rate you going at you'll
never be happy. You'll never find a man
who truly wants the best for you cause
you'll do what you do best push them aw-"
Me:"Are you cursing me?!"
Him:"No I'm just stating facts!!"
I nodded pushing tears back
Him:"I won't stay in a relationship
where I'm looked down on. Stay in that
snobbish big head of yours and I'll go
back to my low life" I folded arms
pulling my face
Me:"What are you waiting for?"
He chuckled shaking his head I pulled
another face he clicked his tongue and
walked out. I locked the door behind I
wasn't about to cry over him no! He can
go to hell!!!!!
Insert 28
"Star!!!"
She pushed me aside making me snap
out of the dark room I kept finding myself
in I stood a bit far watching her throw the
pot in the sink and filling it with water. The
kitchen was a bit smokey I just burnt our
lunch she closed the tap and looked at me
with her hands on her hips.
Her:"What's wrong with you?!"
Me:"Open the windows please my head
is killing me"
I placed my head on the counter whilst
she opened the kitchen window.
 Her:"What's going on Star you've been
like this ever since we got here?"
I sighed as the pain pierced through my
skull.
Me:"I'll tell you later I need pills and my
bed, do you mind looking after my babies
I'll take a short nap please "
Her:"Of course go"
I gave her a small smile the pain block
pills were on the kitchen counter I've been
using them regularly I took one.
Me:"Thanks Zee"
She smiled I could see the concern in her
eyes but I'm big girl I can take care of
myself. I went to take a nap the minute my
head hit the pillow I was lights out.
"Star! Star seNkosi!!"
He was shaking me I pushed him he was
being rough I sat up so confused the lights
were on M was standing there with his
hands on his hips. I sighed and fell back
on the bed
Me:"Don't be so rough"
Him:"You've been sleeping since 1 its
almost 5pm now and there are people
here looking for you"
I groaned rolling on the bed
Me:"Tell them to go away"
Him:"This is serious Star seNkosi get
your ass up"
I sat up straight my body was just tired I
just wanted to rest and who visits people
at night?!
Me:"I'm coming"
Him:"Star"
Me:"Fine!! I'm up! Geez!"
I dragged myself to the bathroom I was
not in the mood for these people. From
the bathroom I went back to my room M
was still there waiting on me I rolled my
eyes
Me:"I hate you"
Him:"I love you too"
I covered up and followed him to the
lounge 3 gentlemen were there with Zee
they were drinking a hot beverage.
Me:"Good evening gentlemen"
They greeted back. Accent?
Me:"I'm Star my brother here tells me
you're looking for me"
1:"Yes. My name is Achie and these are
my brothers"
I nodded Zee left the room.
Me:"So how can I help you guys?"
Him:"I got your details from my well she-
erh I got your details from the mother of
my child Amanda... I think you know her
I'm not sure-"
Me:"Yes. Yes I know her"
My heart was pounding out of my chest.
Please don't tell me they're here for Spha!
Please!!
Him:"Well ma'am-"
Me:"Star.. Call me Star"
My hands were trembling with fear. And
this man was so old to be Amanda's
boyfriend!!
Him:"I recently came back from Congo
and I- I went back to her home but they
told me she moved so I went there. I
came back to SA for my son but she had
already given him away but she told me
you said we can take him back"
M chucked shaking his head
M:"You joking right?"
 Me:"Mpumelelo. Excuse my brother so
you saying you want him?"
Him:"Well yes-"
M:"You kidding right?"
M:"M!"
Him:"No Star! Where have they been
huh?! They can't just rock up and expect
us to hand them over Spha! No it doesn't
work like that!"
Man:"We know that sir and we apologize
we'll pay if we have to we just want him
bac-"
M:"We don't want your money! Please
leave"
Me:"Mpu-"
He gave me the most evilest look ever I
shut my mouth sinking into the couch.
Achie:"I didn't know she gave him away. I
didn't know she was chas-"
M:"That's because you ran away from
your son! Your responsibility! Its late you
guys should leave" Achie looked at me
pleading with his eyes I looked away.
Him:"Star"
Me:"Come tomorrow its late"
M:"No you shouldn't"
I looked down fiddling with my fingers
they got up M opened the door for them.
How rude?!! The 3 men left M was filled
with range he didn't even utter a word with
me he just went straight to his room. I'm a
parent so if one of my babies would be
taken away from me I'd lose it! I wouldn't
function at all so I did sympathize with
Achie but giving him back Spha meant me
losing him so... No!
I went back to my room Zee was there
with my elephants Spha crawled to me I
picked him up.
Me:"Its late why aren't you asleep?"
I sat down
Zee:"They want him?"
I nodded. She cleared her throat
Her:"Can they have him?"
I shrugged my shoulders feeling the
weight of the world on them.
Me:"I don't know Zee"
My voice was cracking. I've built such a
strong bond with him they can't just take
him away. They can't! I took my phone
and called Michael it went straight to
voicemail I tried his other number same
thing!
Me:"Dammit Michael Brown!!"
I threw my phone aside during my head
into my hands. Tears tackled my eyes.
What now?!!
Zee:"You won't lose him Star"
Me:"Achie is his biological father Zinhle
he wasn't there when Amanda gave me
Sphamandla, he was given away without
his consent so... Arg!!"
Her:"Calm
down you'll
win this" I
nodded not
sure about
that.
Her:"Nkanyiso was here yesterday"
I froze my heart beating out of my chest. I
looked at her
Me:"What?"
Her:"Yeah when you were at work"
Me:"What was he doing here?"
Her:"He came to your brother they first
started off cool chatting and stuff next
minute they arguing"
Me:"What?! Why?"
She looked at me like I had grown two
horrible looking horns
Her:"Duh!! You! They were fighting about
you! M wants Nkanyiso to stay away from
you because this thing between the two of
you is not healthy and Nkanyiso keeps
hurting you and stuff. His words not mine"
Me:"Mpumelelo can't put the entire blame
on Nkanyiso we both go off on each other
the guy has been patient with me but- I
also think its best we just stay away from
each other not even friends cause I don't
think I'll be able to control myself around
him"
She cleared her throat looking back at
Skylar. Why are these kids still up?!
Her:"Didn't M tell you?"
She whispered
Me:"Tell me what?"
 Her:"His friends are coming over for a
chill"
Me:"In whose house? M mustn't try me"
I got up ready to go punch him in the
throat. M doesn't think things through
Her:"Please don't! Look I wasn't suppose
to tell you-"
Me:"But you did and thank you"
Her:"Because I wanted you to be
prepared any fool can see you still love
him Star. This woman standing in front of
me is not the woman I met back home nor
is Nkanyiso its clear both of you love each
other but are caught up in your egos"
I sighed and went to sit down
Me:"How old are you again"
She giggled
 Her:"Look make yourself look super hot
because his friends are coming over with
their girlfriends and I think- erh se-"
Me:"I understand Zee"
Her:"I'll help!!"
She jumped for my closet. I chuckled.
I didn't feel like being around people I just
wanted to be alone but I didn't wanna
disappoint Zinhle she was excited about
dressing me up....
Me:"Zinhle I can't breathe in this!"
Her:"That was the plan!"
I looked at her.
Me:"Zinhle!! I'm gonna faint!"
She giggled
Her:"Stop being dramatic Star you look
beautiful"
 I'm dressed in a tight short cream dress
my thighs are are all out I'm not feeling
comfortable
Me:"We're not going to a club Zee can't I
opt for tights?"
She looks at me with a disgusted
expression.
Her:"The man of your dreams is coming
over and you wanna wear tights?! No
wonder he left you"
Me:"Excuse me?!"
She bits her lip
Her:"I'm sorry"
She moved back I pulled the dress down
but she pat my hands.
Me:"Go get ready I promise I won't take it
off"
She left me with my babies Nka was still
awake whilst his brother fast asleep.
Zinhle had facebeat me it wasn't dramatic
at all it was just perfect I was wearing
uggies. I was indoors so...
It wasn't long before M's friends arrived
they were so loud!! Zinhle got in
Her:"Come help with the salads"
I swallowed the lump in my throat
Me:"What?"
Her:"The guys are gonna braai so we'll
make salads"
Me:"Erh Zee look I don-"
Her:"Come!!"
She pulled me up
Me:"Let me first breastfeed Skylar"
She nodded
Her:"I'll be back"
I gave him the boob he sucked on it
Me:"Mommy is so scared baby"
After burping him that witch came back
Her:"Sbu came with his girlfriend and his
girlfriend brought Ntombi with"
I chuckled shaking my head. Un-freaken-
believable!! Ntombi in my house?!! My
house?!!!
Me:"Its cool it's not like she did something
to me so yeah"
Her:"Are you sure cause I don't want you
feeling uncomfortable in your own house
Star if she's tripping we show her flames
okay? I got you"
I chuckled and took a deep breath.
Me:"Let's do this"
With my baby on my chest we walked out
of my room. The noise!! Lord help me!
I greeted and they greeted back I didn't
know some people here. Where does M
meet these people!
Sbu:"Hey Star!"
He gave me a side hug
Me:"Sbu"
We not friends so why are you being all
friendly?!
Him:"How are you?"
Me:"Never been better and you?"
Him:"I'm good! Your boyfriend is late as
usual"
Me:"Okay"
I'm sure he already knew we've broken
up. This one was testing me.
I went to my kitchen. Its mine! The ladies
were there. I greeted and they greeted
back
Lady:"You must be Star! I'm Ntombi
Nkanyiso's baby momma I've heard so
much about you"
 The fakeness was overflowing in her
"friendly" voice
Me:"Nice to meet you"
Her:"Same here!"
I nodded faking a smile and moved away
from her to the fridge. No lies she was
beautiful and the pregnancy was making
her glow. Nkanyiso has taste!
"Hi I'm Lihle and that is..."
She pointed at them telling me their
names which flushed out. I was just
nodding. So not interested!
M came into the kitchen going straight to
his girlfriend. At least apologize?! Its my
house! I poured myself juice
M:"Nka is still awake?"
Me:"As you can see"
Ntombi:"Nka?"
Me:"Nka- zi-mu-lo"
I spelled it out for her even if it was
Nkanyiso it was none of her business!!
Her:"Oh okay. Sorry"
Me:"Its cool"
I walked out the kitchen. I froze at the
door our eyes locked. Damn I miss him!!
My eyes moved to his feet. Slides? Erh
okay? Gray track pants shorts. Damn its
visible! I swallowed hard. Short sleeve
tshirt. Okay?
My eyes moved to his face. His eyes
were still moving up my body. Okay so we
checking each other out. Awkward!!
Walk away Star seNkosi!! Walk away!!!
Him:"Hey Nkosazana"
I sucked my teeth
Me:"Hey Nkanyiso"
He moved closer. Oh shit!!
Him:"Hey little fella! Why are you still
up?!"
He took Skylar from me.
Ntombi:"Hey Teddy"
Him:"Hey T"
Okay!
Him:"I hope yo-"
Her:"No I'm not drinking. Chill!"
Him:"Good"
Her:"I wouldn't hurt our babies like that"
Okay. Okay. Okay
Me:"Can I?"
I wanted to take my son and go lock
myself in my room this was a bad idea!
Me dressing up and joining them was just
a bad idea!!
Him:"No. I'm going to my place I need to
change and stuff can I go with him?"
Me:"No"
Him:"Nkosa-"
Me:"I said no Nkanyiso"
He sighed. Ntombi was standing next to
us staring. Arg!!!
Him:"Zee keep an eye on Spha please"
M:"Don't-"
Him:"Your woman is right next to you"
M:"Give me Nkazimulo"
He gave him Skylar took my wrist and
dragged me out of there not wanting to
cause a scene I went along with him. Not
that I didn't want to? You know!
We got into his car his scent was all over
the car I couldn't resist taking it in. He got
in and drove away
Him:"Hi"
Me:"Nka"
Him:"You look beautiful"
Me:"I know"
He nodded we fell into silence. His eyes
kept falling on my thighs the dress went
up so my thighs were all out. This dress is
so damn tight!!
He parked in front of a house
Him:"Come"
We both got off and went in. 2 taxis were
parked there. So he bought another taxi?
Me:"Nice house"
Him:"Thanks. I'm gonna take a quick
shower come this side"
Me:"Your bedroom?"
Him:"Yes my bedroom"
Me:"I don't think that's a good idea-"
Him:"We're not kids Star come"
I reluctantly followed after him. His
bedroom was okay I sat down
Him:"Over there you'll get everything just
choose an outfit for me"
He left me there. I did what was asked of
me and picked out an outfit for him. He
came back butt naked a gasp escaped my
lips.
Him:"Thanks"
I nodded. Where's my phone when I need
it?!!
King was just there for me to see it was
so hard to look away.
Me:"I'll wait in the lounge"
He held my wrist
Me:"Nkanyiso"
I was out of breath. I think its the dress or
is it King?
Him:"Don't go"
Me:"Pl
ease"
The
moist!!
Him:"What?"
Me:"Let me go"
Him:"I miss you"
He enveloped me from behind
Me:"Wet Nka"
Him:"You're wet?"
He said oh so slowly and so seductively
that my head spinned.
Me:"Your body is wet Nkanyiso"
Him:"Let take care of the itch"
Me:"No. Please get your hands off me"
The seriousness in my voice didn't go
unnoticed because he immediately let go
of me.
Me:"Now get dressed so we can get the
hell out of here"
I left him there and went to wait for him in
the lounge. We're forever having sex
never talking about or solving our issues
how are we gonna move forward if we
keep taking the wrong route?
He emerged from the room looking oh so
dapper!
Me:"You look good"
Him:"My woman chose it for me"
I blushed looking away.
Me:"May we?"
He held my hand we looked at each
other. I love him
Him:"I miss you"
Me:"I miss you too"
Him:"Can we talk?"
I frowned
Him:"I think its time I let you in"
My heart started beating fast I don't think
I was ready for that.
Me:"You don't have to Nk-"
Him:"I want to"
I nodded not sure if I wanted to hear it
Him:"Yes I own taxis and I have people
working for me but because I love driving
so I also drive. I- I hav-..."
He took a deep breath
Him:"Please don't freak out. I love you"
I nodded his hands were trembling I held
them tight, tighter than the dress I was
wearing.
Him:"I have a 7 year old daughter her
name is Siphesihle she's back home in
the rurals, me and her mother were
married our divorce got finalized about a
month ago"
Insert 29
I stared at him for the longest time his
hands still in mine he wasn't looking away
no he was staring right back into my eyes.
Me:"You joking right?"
He finally looked down shaking his head.
I dropped his hands. Is this man for real?
Me:"Nkanyiso?"
Him:"I'm sorry Star"
I moved back feeling my heart rate
increase
Me:"Okay. Okay. Okay"
I was trying to calm myself down
Him:"Baby"
He touched my hand I pushed him away
Me:"Don't"
Instead of listening he wrapped his arms
around my waist
Me:"Don't touch me. Don't touch me.
Don't touch me!!!"
He quickly let go of me
Me:"I can't breathe. I can't freaken
breathe!!"
He tried touching me
Me:"Don't touch me!!!!"
He moved back raising his hands.
Me:"Pull this zipper down! Pull this damn
zipper down!!"
I was shaking my sight was blurry due to
tears he zipped it down I pulled that damn
thing down. Why the hell was I even
wearing the damn piece of cloth?!!
Me:"Okay. Okay. Okay. Fuck Nkanyiso!!"
Him:"Let me explain-"
Me:"You're married! Nkanyiso you're
married!!"
Him:"Was Star-"
Me:"Same fucking difference!!!"
He kept quiet looking down. I took deep
breaths to control my emotions
Me:"Please take me home"
I didn't trust myself around him
Him:"Baby can we talk about this?"
Me:"Take. Me. Home. Nkanyiso"
Him:"No! I'm not gonna take you Star
until you listen to me!"
Me:"I don't wanna hear anything else I'm
good with what I've heard. Thank you very
much"
Him:"Would you have loved me the way
you love me now if I had told you about
my ex wife? Would you even have given
me a chance?!"
Is this man crazy?!! I folded my arms but
unfolded them again I didn't know what to
do or where to touch
Him:"Exactly Star! You wouldn't given me
a chance-"
Me:"So it's MY fault?! Are you nuts?!!
You're married man Nkanyiso!!!"
Him:"Was!! Star!! Was"
Me:"Don't you fucken dare raise your
voice at me!"
He looked down.
Me:"You persuade me whilst married.
Proposed whilst MARRIED! Slept with me
whilst MARRIED! Don't you get it
Nkanyiso?!"
Him:"Our marriage was an arranged
marriage Star! We never loved each
other! My family did all of that we were
young we didn't have a say Star! We both
moved on after Siphesihle we first thought
she'd bring us closer but she didn't, I
couldn't force things! I couldn't! I moved
on with my life"
Me:"Okay now can I get the fuck out of
here?!"
He sighed. Did he think I'd understand
just like that?! This pig!
Him:"Bab-"
Me:"Touch me and I swear to God you'll
end up in hospital"
He stopped in his tracks.
Him:"I'll bring you a shirt so we can leave"
Me:"I don't want your stuff"
I pulled the dress up
Me:"Zip this damn thing"
He zipped it up for me and held me tight
Me:"Let me go-"
He turned me around and tried kissing me
but I pushed him. Is he crazy?! Or just
pretending to be?!!
Me:"Stop testing me Nkanyiso"
Him:"You wanted me to open up and let
you in and now that I've done that you
wanna leave me Star!! See why I didn't
open up to you!"
Me:"You kept a huge thing away from me
Nkanyiso!"
Him:"Baby I'm sorry"
Me:"Dude you're married!!"
He kept quiet and just stared at me whilst
I paced around my hands were shaking I
wiped my tears.
Me:"I need to get out of here"
I walked away leaving him standing there
luckily for me the door was unlocked I
didn't care whether I went home by foot or
not I just wanted to be far away from him.
Great!!! The gate was locked. I looked
back at him and he standing at the door
watching me. I'm so going! I pulled that
dress up as big as i am I was ready to
jump over.
Him:"Star!!"
I held me I also don't know how he got to
me so fast.
Him:"What the hell is wrong with you?!
Why are you acting so rachet?!"
Excuse me?! Excuse me?!!!
Him:"Jumping over fence?! That's not you
Star seNkosi!"
Maybe he was right but I just wanted to
be away from him and his drama.
Me:"Open the gate so I can leave"
Him:"Can we please sit down and talk like
two civilized people? Please?"
 Me:"Which part of I don't want to talk nor
listen to you don't you understand
Nkanyiso?!"
Him:"I went to school but no I don't have
honors. Siphesihle was the only child of
mine you didn't know of, my father died 4
years ago and at home we're well off not
rich we just know how to make ends meet.
At first you were-"
"Grootman!!"
A guy is standing at the big gate
Nkanyiso sighed and went to open for
him, the guy drove in a taxi so he really
does own taxis? That's what he said Star!
Guy:"Nkosazana"
Okay he knows me. Great!
Me:"Hi"
Him:"How are you?"
He had his hand out for a handshake.
Erh?
Me:"I'm good thanks and you?"
I shook it
Him:"Standard"
Nka:"Let go of my woman's hand Fire"
Yeah right! Fire that was his name
chuckled and let go of my hand
Him:"Nka sorry but I have to tell her this.
Nkosazana you make my heart feel like a
donut it-"
Nka:"Shut up Fire"
I chuckled. I wanted to hear the entire
thing!!!
Him:"Can't believe Nka actually got you
cau-"
Nka:"Sipho!!!""
He shouted Fire raised his hands
surrendering.
Him:"I have places to go to, beer to down
and panties to drop so sharp sharp!"
We bid him goodbye. I was calmer but
still mad at Nkanyiso.
Him:"Sthandwa-"
Me:"I'm ready to go home Nkanyiso. I'm
tired and my boobs are full"
My voice sounded so strained and tired.
He stared at me and nodded. He took a
step closer but I moved back. Hello you're
married!!!
Him:"Let me lock up"
He went to lock whilst I stood there. We'd
never work the little bit of trust I had for
him went out the window I'd never be able
to trust him not after this.
He drove us to my place.
Him:"I love you I really do"
I looked at him and found his eyes on me
we were at a stop sign.
Him:"Please forgive me Nkosazana. For
everything"
I continued staring at him.
Him:"I don't know what else to do
Nkosazana so I'll back off a bit so you
could breath and interoperate the situa-...
I know I've been hurting you a lot and I
don't deserve you but please don't leave
me try looking pass my past because
that's what it is my past. I love you Star
regards of how I started off with you-"
Me:"Does Ntombi know about your wife?"
He sighed and started driving.
Him:"Ex wife"
Me:"Same thing. So does she?"
He nodded I clapped my hands
 Me:"So you thought I'd also be cool with
it?!"
Him:"Of course not! I knew if i told you
you'd write me off Star seNkosi-"
Me:"Good thing we're done I don't want to
be with someone I don't trust"
The rest of the ride was dead quiet I
didn't care at all. I was the first to get off
when he parked in front of my house
those people were drinking, music was
playing and I was not in the mood for any
of this. Ntombi was the first to welcome
me back
Her:"Where's Teddy?"
I ignored her
Her:"Star I'm asking you a que-"
Me:"If you don't want my foot down your
throat you'd leave me alone"
I clicked my tongue and moved away
from her we're not friends and I surely
don't own her Teddy she could've just
went to his car and stop asking me
nonsense. Zee told me Nka was sleeping
so there was no need for me to hang
around no more I went to my room I was
about to open my door when Sbu came
out of the bathroom totally wasted.
Him:"Cheese girl!!"
Arg I wasn't gonna stand for this I opened
my door.
Me:"Sbusiso"
Him:"You look ravishing tonight its a pity I
wasn't there when that bet was placed
otherwise you would've been mine instead
if that arrogant bigheaded bastard who
thinks he's the boss"
Okay?! He's drunk I'm not gonna listen to
this
Him:"I can see he has fallen for you"
 He balanced with the wall I closed my
door and locked it I didn't trust him shame.
I stripped out of that thing and opt for my
pajamas I took my pills downing them and
started pumping my boobs. The music
was pretty loud but I knew I'd fall asleep
soon I stopped pumping when I started
feeling drowsy. Pain blocks always made
me feel drowsy I slipped in next to my
angels and allowed my body to float as
my troubles and tribulations got pulled
down by gravity. My heart was much
calmer I was floating...
Insert 30
I'm seated on the couch watching TV with
my feet on the table with a plate of meat
the kids are playing on the carpet the two
adults who decided to host a party in my
house without my permission are still
cleaning after their people.
I haven't lifted a single thing and I'm not
planning to
Me:"Mpumelelo"
I called out for him
Him:"What?!"
That's rude. I kept quiet and waited for
him but nothing
Me:"M!"
Him:"Geez Star seNkosi!!"
He came to the lounge looking annoyed
as ever I was enjoying this.
Me:"I never wanna see Sbu in my house
ever again"
Him:"Why?"
Me:"I don't trust him"
Zee appeared behind him
Her:"Me too"
 I chuckled lightly she's always on my
side! M looked at her
Him:"The dishes are not are gonna wash
themselves Zinhle!"
Her:"Stop being so stuck up!"
She sat down I decided to tell him about
the incident between me and Sbu. Word
for word!
M:"Whoa go back to the bet part"
I said it again he chuckled countlessly
shaking his head. Okay?
Him:"I'm gonna killed him!!!"
My vase broke
Zee:"M!!"
Okay what's going on?!
Me:"M why-"
Him:"Those bastards!!! I trusted them!"
Her:"Mpumelelo!!"
He was pacing around clearly furious
Him:"Star call Nkanyiso over"
Me:"We not on good term-"
Him:"Call him over Star! NOW!!"
I did as told my brother was quite scary
Nkanyiso said he was coming. We waited
for Nkanyiso M didn't stop pacing around.
It wasn't long before he got there and he
was welcomed by a punch from
Mpumelelo we jumped to stop him. What's
wrong with M?!
Him:"You fucking bastard!!"
He pushed us aside and gave Nkanyiso
another blow. Nkanyiso wasn't fighting
back
M:"I trusted you Nkanyiso!!"
Nka:"Mpu-"
Him:"Fucking bet?! A bet?! On my
sister?!!"
 He threw another punch and another one
and another one Nkanyiso was still not
fighting back.
A bet? He said a bet. Wait Nkanyiso pla-
no he wouldn't! Never not Nkanyiso! I
looked at him his nose was bleeding I
went to him to help him. He's still my man
so...
M:"You still helping him?!!"
Me:"What's going on?!"
Him:"Tell her! Tell her what you did!!"
Nka:"I can explain-"
M:"They placed a bet on you Star! Him
and his friends placed a fucken bet on
you!"
I slowly let go of Nkanyiso his eyes were
selling him off they were guilty.
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"Baby I'm sorry"
I slapped so hard my hand ached.
Me:"Get out!"
Him:"Baby ple-"
Me:"Get out!!!"
My hands were shaking. Why would he to
this to me? Why are men so cruel?!! Why
me?! I can't believe I fell for him! For his
lies!!
I went to lock myself in my room I was
pacing around trying to comprehend what
they did. Two face timing bastard!! I
shared a bed with him! I opened up to
him! He knew my business!
I got into bed my emotions running sky
high my phone wouldn't stop ringing it was
him. I switched off and too my sleeping
pills I wanted to sleep maybe I'll feel better
after waking up.
It was dark when I woke up my heart was
still aching I switched my phone his
messages started bombarding my phone I
ignored them.
I stayed crawled up in a bowl trying to
keep my tears intact which was hard to do
because the pain I was feeling was
unbearable. My phone vibrated under my
pillow with a lot of deep breaths I
answered.
"Princess"
Tears automatically went down
Me:"Daddy"
I said through tears
Him:"What's wrong my baby?"
It was like he gave me permission to cry
because I started crying hysterically I
couldn't control myself all the emotions
I've been containing sprawled out. I didn't
expect that from him I thought he was legit
about me, about us and that he came to
me because he truly felt something not
because of some stupid bet! And the most
frustrating part is that I still loved him. I still
wanted to be with him well that was if he
wanted me.
Him:"Star"
Me:"Daddy"
Him:"Talk to me what's wrong? I know I
haven't been the best father to you and I
apologize princess"
Me:"I wanna hate him daddy. I want to
hate him so bad but..."
I yet again burst out crying. Oh Lord I
can't stop. Why do things have to be like
this?!
Him:"Princess"
Me:"Dad"
Him:"Are you talking about Thabo?"
Me:"What?! Euww no sies! I'm never
going back there again"
Him:"Nkanyiso?"
Me:"Yebo"
Him:"What did he do?"
I kept quiet I didn't wanna tell my father
my business what if by God's grace me
and Nkanyiso work out? He'd always hold
that against him so...
Me:"I don't wanna talk about it dad"
I sat up wiping my tears
Him:"He's not worth your tears Star"
Me:"I love him daddy"
Okay I sound like a spoiled brat
Him:"If it makes you cry leave it"
I sighed
Him:"You won't listen to me cause it's
clear you love that boy and from what I've
picked up how he stood up for you.... He
loves you too. Whatever it is you guys are
facing sit down and try to work it through
but remember Star sometimes love is not
enough"
I sighed I missed this, I missed talking to
him, I missed my father
Me:"Thank you daddy"
Him:"I love you princess"
Me:"I love you too"
We spoke about lighter things more about
business and finance.
Me:"Dad there's an incoming call we'll
talk soon okay?"
Him:"Okay bye"
I answered the call
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"Baby please don't hang up-"
Me:"I won't"
 Him:"You wo- baby you won't? Listen I'm
really sorry can we meet? Please I wanna
explain everything. This time nothing but
the truth"
I took a deep breath. This was it I didn't
know whether I was making a good
decision or not
Me:"Come fetch me"
Him:"Really?! Baby I'm outside"
Wait what?!! I got up
Me:"You outside?"
Him:"Yes I'm parked outside Nkosazana I
know its your house but I don't wanna
disrespect your brother can you come out"
I sighed. Am I even making the right
decision or am I handing myself to the
devil.
Me:"Okay"
 I hung up and wore my slides I started at
the bathroom to wash my face.
"Where are you going?"
I was at the door ready to step out.
Me:"I'll be right back M"
Him:"I didn't ask when you'll be back"
Oh my God he sounded so serious I was
even shaking in my boots. I stared at him
Him:"You going to him aren't you?"
I looked away
Him:"Star seNkosi are you that
desperate?!"
I kept quiet looking down
Him:"I'm talking to you Star seNkosi!"
Zee:"Baby-"
Him:"I'm talking to my sister so shut up!"
Her:"Don't you dare talk to me like that"
Him:"I said shut up Zinhle!"
Her:"Go fuck yourself!"
She stood up I used that opportunity to
snuck out like a teenager.
Nkanyiso was standing next to his car it
was parked 3 houses away from mine.
Him:"Hey"
Me:"Hi"
Him:"Can we get in?"
I nodded he opened the door for me.
They become so nice when they've
messed up. We both got in.
Him:"You've been crying"
Me:"Well I found out I was nothing but a
bet"
He sighed as he ran his hands on his
face.
Him:"You were new shinning not that you
aren't now but... They saw you first so you
became the talk I was filled in on
"Nkosazana" that's the name they gave
you because you looked like one.
Beautiful. I liked what I saw we'd
sometimes joke around about you how hot
you are I'm ashamed Star I really am but
we're the typical taxi men always looking
and checking women out"
He placed his head on the steering wheel
with his eyes closed tears were at the
brick of my eyes. I was hurt!
Him:"I started noticing little details about
you. How puffy your eyes were. What time
you got at the rank. How much you love
the colour blue. How you fake smiles
when greeted because when you give a
genuine one your eyes sparkle and your
nose does this thing I can't explain it"
I held my nose he was looking at me with
his head still on the steering wheel
 Him:"I started liking you so this day we
were eating in the office and Mthuzi said
he'd have you the guys argued it was a
joke but he placed a bet on it. I couldn't let
him have you Star I know him so.... So the
only way I could protect you from him was
to place a bet that I'd have you and you'd
be putty in my hands. They said I was
lying but I told to watch this space and...
The rest is history. Star I was afraid to see
the woman I like get knocked off by
Mthuzi I know I should've told you but I
didn't and there's no excuse for it"
I stared at the window as tears rolled
down my cheeks.
Me:"Did you talk about us?"
I held my breath
Him:"At first yes I did. I'm sorry!"
A cry escaped my lips
 Him:"The first time we slept together I did
tell but I didn't go into details-"
Me:"And that's suppose to make a
difference?"
Him:"No its not. I'm sorry Star I promise I
stopped that was the last time I gave them
information about us I swear! I fell for you
Star I couldn't anymore I even called the
bet off and told them you're my woman
and it was serious! I couldn't carry on
playing it was stupid of us. Of me! It was
wrong and cruel too! Baby please forgive
me. Please maNkosi"
He took my hands to his. His voice was
shaking
Him:"Forgive me maNkosi. Forgive me
please"
He was crying. Never in my wildess
dreams did I ever imagine Nkanyiso
crying. Crying in front of me. A full grown
man!
 Him:"I don't wanna lose you Star. I love
you"
Me:"I love you too"
I pulled him for a hug and held him tight.
Him:"I'll work hard for you to trust me
again. I'll do anything Star"
Me:"Baby steps"
He pulled out
and cupped my
face Him:"You'll
give me another
chance?" I
nodded.
Him:"Thank you. Thank you so much"
He placed his lips on mine I was the first
to suck on them he didn't delay in kissing
me back.
Was I even making the right decision in
taking him back?!
Insert 31
The car hooters for the 9th time I'm
counting! I'm still running around Ruth has
been telling to go she'll take care of my
mess for the past 5 minutes but I couldn't
go and leave my mess behind she was a
nanny not a cleaner. My phone rang
Me:"I'm coming"
Him:"That's what you said 5 minutes ago"
Me:"For real this time"
I hung up and took the rest of my clothes
shoving them into my closet. I was late as
usual!
Ruth:"Go!!"
Me:"Wait"
I ran to the kitchen with my bags
Her:"Go eat in the car"
His horn went off again I rolled my eyes.
Men are so impatient!! I took my plate
 Me:"Thanks Ruth! I owe you big time and
I'll make it up to you"
Her:"Just go Star"
I giggled and kissed my babies. I gave
Ruth a hug and ran out to the most
impatient guy ever! I got in he looked at
me I quickly pecked his lips.
Me:"Hi and sorry"
He sighed and gave me a peck
Him:"Morning baby"
Me:"We sharing"
I placed the plate on the dashboard and
shoved my bags to the back
Him:"I've already eaten"
Me:"I wasn't asking"
He looked at me
Him:"Did I tell you how much I love you?"
I shook my head with the biggest smile
Him:"Well girl I love you very very very
much!!"
Me:"Drive!"
I looked out the window hiding how much
I was actually blushing I heard him
chuckle before driving.
Him:"Just know that we gonna be late"
Traffic!! I sighed and started eating
Him:"You'll have to feed me"
Me:"You my baby"
I brushed his head and started feeding
him. Its been two weeks and it looked like
things were back to normal they looked
better than normal he couldn't get enough
of me, he took and fetched me from work,
called to just check up on me and never
forgetting to remind me of how much he
loves me. I loved him I really did but
something was holding me back it was
like there was this wall that was blocking
me...
He parked in front of the building we
looked at each other.
Him:"Go before your boss gives you a
written warning"
Me:"Okay bye"
I pecked his lips he held the back of my
head and sucked on my lips I held his
hoodie giving back the same passion I
was receiving. I heard a deep groan
coming from him
Him:"Go before I rip that dress off that
sexy body"
I chuckled wiping my lipstick off his lips.
Sex was off the table that's what we
agreed on. We first had to work on us
before being intimate truth be told I didn't
trust him. What guarantee do I have he
won't go rant about our sex life to his rank
buddies again? Was it wrong of me to
think this about the man I love? He's my
boyfriend I'm suppose to think all good
about him.
I took my bags he was looking at me with
those eyes that make ones stomach turn
and doves start flying.
Him:"I love you"
I looked at down blushing
Me:"And I love you"
I quickly pecked his lips and mini ran to
the building bumping into Michael waiting
for the elevator.
Him:"Good to know I'm not the only one
who's gonna be shouted at"
I giggled as he gave me a side hug
Me:"Its almost 9 Michael why are you
late?"
Him:"I slept late Bongi kep-..."
He cleared his throat. I quickly stood in
front of him
Me:"Bongi?"
Him:"Move"
He had a straight face
Me:"You have a girlfriend?! Oh my God
Michael!"
Him:"Get out of my way Star"
Me:"You have a girlfriend!!"
Him:"Shush! And she's not my girlfriend
we're just helping each other out"
I laughed out throwing my head back
Me:"Seriously?!"
Him:"Why are you being loud? Want the
whole damn building to know I have
someone in my life?"
I couldn't stop laughing his reaction was
just priceless we got into the elevator with
our colleagues from a different floor. I
looked at him with a smile his face
became hard.
Him:"Don't even think about it"
I giggled placing my head on his shoulder
he wrapped his arm around me.
Him:"How's my son?"
Me:"Crawling and pulling everything
down"
He chuckled
Him:"That's my boy!"
I looked at him
Me:"You not gonna pay for my stuff so
don't you date cheer him"
Him:"You just jealous"
I stared at him still in his arm.
Me:"I'm really happy for you I
hope things workout between
you and Bongi" He frowned
looking down on me. I can't
believe I once had a crush on
him!
Him:"Whatever!"
When we got to our floor the big boss
was already waiting for us we got our ears
hurt with all the shouting Michael held a
higher position and he was more familiar
with the boss he could have stopped him
from all the shouting but he didn't he just
stood there unbothered.
Lunch time I was still buried in my work
with no plans of going out that's when
Candice poked her noise in my station.
Her:"A guy is looking for you at the
reception"
Me:"Why didn't they call me?"
She shrugged her shoulders and left. I
called the receptionist.
Me:"It's Star who's looking for me?"
She spoke on the side asking for the
name.
Her:"Mr Nkanyiso"
Me:"Oh okay please let him through and
tell him my floor"
Her:"Okay"
I hung up and strolled to the elevator.
Nkanyiso at my work? That's a first! What
was he even doing here? I stood there
with others who were going out for lunch.
It opened they got off.
Him:"Hey"
He bit his lip
Me:"Ba- oh my God"
He was dressed in a blue fitted suit with
brown formal shoes his thighs in those
pants and those biceps! Who is this
man?!!
He pulled me into a hug my knees were
weak I held onto him.
Him:"Breathe before you faint"
He whispered into my ear
Me:"I think I want you inside me"
I whispered. I was feeling hot like really
hot. He was smoking hot in that suit.
Him:"Don't"
He pulled out of the hug my eyes
scanned him.
Him:"I brought lunch"
He lifted the brown paper bag. Lunch! I
took his hand and pulled him to my
station.
Me:"You
smoking
baby" I bit
my lip he
smirked.
Him:"Here's your food"
Me:"I just wanna chow you"
I licked my lips he swallowed.
Him:"Eat your food"
Me:"I wanna eat you"
We stared at each other. He swallowed
again
"Star Michael was aski- oh erh I didn't
know you ha- erh afternoon sir"
It was Ntabi. Nkanyiso nodded
Me:"What does Michael want?"
She cleared her throat
Her:"Erh he- uhm"
I leaned back on my chair. Girl you better
get your grip this is my man!!
Me:"What?"
Her:"Was asking whether you'll be joining
us for lunch?"
Me:"Nope"
She nodded and just stood there
Nkanyiso looked at me frowning I
shrugged my shoulders.
Me:"Anything else?"
Her:"Erh no sorry"
She walked away Nkanyiso chuckled I
didn't find it funny at all!
Me:"So why are you suit up?"
Him:"I had to look the part"
Wait what?!
Him:"I didn't wanna embarrass you in
rank clothes"
My heart broke I swallowed the lump that
had formed in my throat. Did he really feel
like that? That he'd embarrass me?!
Me:"Baby no you shouldn't have-"
Him:"Chill I'm joking! I had a meeting with
someone"
Tears went down my cheeks. Don't ask!!
Me:"I hate you"
Him:"Baby!"
I placed my head on my desk as more
tears oozed out of my eyes.
Him:"Baby"
He was now brushing my back I was
seriously crying
Him:"Hey hey hey"
He kneeled next to me and cupped my
face wiping my tears.
Him:"Come on now don't cry I was only
joking"
He wiped my tears
Him:"See you've messed up your make
up"
Me:"I'm sorry"
Him:"Why are you apologising?"
I shrugged my shoulders and pulled his
face to mine capturing his lips
Me:"I love you"
Him:"I love you too now stop crying"
He went back to his seat I fixed my make
up and ate my food. He cracked up
Him:"Oh my God baby you're so weird!!"
Me:"Mxm. What meeting did you have?"
He continued laughing I sat there with a
bored face waiting for him to finish off.
Him:"Business stuff"
Me:"Business stuff?"
Him:"I'm thinking of buying buses that will
be for long distance traveling..."
He went on telling me more about the taxi
business and stuff I didn't know of I found
everything so interesting it was different
from what I know of but I liked it.
After lunch he left and it was back to work
we were stuck in the boardroom trying to
come up with ideas to win a client over but
we were failing dismally. After work Ntabi
asked me to wait for her.
MrB:"Come I'm taking you home I miss
my son"
Me:"I'm waiting for Ntabi"
She came to us
Her:"Hey Star"
I nodded. She looked at Michael he
surrendered and walked away telling me
he'll wait at the reception area.
Me:"What's up?"
Her:"I know I'm being forward and all but
you gotta help a girl out! Your brother
Star! Oh my word!
Hook me up girl please!"
Me:"You know my brother?"
Her:"Duh!! The way that suit hung on him!
I swear I had a mini orgasm"
I frowned
Me:"You talking about the guy who was
here during lunch?"
She nodded looking at me like I was an
idiot. This one is trying me for real!
Me:"He's MY boyfriend not brother"
Her:"Oh"
Me:"Yes. Excuse me"
I walked away going to Michael some
girls need to hold themselves in! Jeez! If
my coworker is like that I wonder how
other ladies reacted to him today. I
immediately called him
Him:"Baby"
Me:"Come over tonight"
 Him:"I'll buy condoms"
I chuckled.
Me:"We agreed on no sex"
Him:"Still gonna buy them I don't
trust you, you might just force your
way into my pants" I laughed
Me:"Stop being full of yourself. Bye!"
I hung up. Know what to hell with my trust
issues I'm going all in on this one!!
*

Insert 32
Its late at night the kids are asleep
Michael had left long time ago and
Nkanyiso is in the middle of the bed with
his hands squeezing my butt I'm riding
him like my life depends on it. We had
agreed on no sex but we couldn't help
ourselves and at the moment I'm not
regretting it cause the pleasure I'm
receiving is better than heaven itself!
Him:"Star seNkosi"
He cried out. Yes boo!!! That's my name!!
His hands moved to Skylar's favorite
place I ached my back giving him more
access.
Him:"I fucken love you!!"
He meant it we all know whenever
someone says that during sex they mean
it not you. My legs started shaking it felt
like I was breaking apart
Me:"Oh my God. Oh my God!"
He flipped me over
Him:"I've got you"
With deep strokes I crumbled into pieces
he swiftly followed after me holding on
tight.
Him:"Damn madam"
He stayed inside
Me:"I need water"
He chuckled and slowly pulled out I heard
him curse
Me:"What?"
He looked up at me biting his lip in a
nervous kind of way.
Him:"Don't freak out"
I did exactly what he asked me not to do.
I pushed him and also looked down
Him:"It broke"
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath
Me:"Its okay I'll get the after pill"
Him:"Okay"
I got up
Him:"You not mad?"
I shook my head
Me:"No its not like we've used it before
and you emptying yourself inside me is
not the first"
He chuckled I looked at him
Me:"Remove that smirk!"
He pulled me back in bed wrapping his
arms around me.
Me:"Baby I need water"
Him:"And I need you"
He made me feel King it was hardening
Me:"Oh my God Nkanyiso are you trying
to kill me"
He flipped us over getting on top
Him:"So you don't want him?"
He was rubbing him on my folds I opened
my legs wider arrogant bastard smirked.
His phone rang we looked at each other
its almost or after twelve who the hell
could that be?!
Him:"Let's pretend"
He kissed me I wrapped my legs around
his waist. That damn thing didn't stop I
groaned
Me:"Just answer it"
Him:"No-"
Me:"Answer your phone Nkanyiso!"
He took his phone giving me light stokes.
My man was multitasking bitches!!!
Him:"Its
Ntombi"
Arg!!!!
Me:"Answer it"
I couldn't really tell him not to answer it
the woman is pregnant with his babies!
Him:"Ntombi"
He placed it next to my head.
Her:"Teddy"
It was on loud speaker. He went deep I
held him
Him:"Is there something wrong with the
kids?"
Her:"I miss you. I miss us-"
Him:"You called me for that bull?"
He went deeper. I held in a moan
meeting his strokes. This was so wrong!!
Her:"What went wrong between us Ted-"
Him:"You went behind my back with my
friends now stop calling me unless its
about the pregnancy"
He was getting rough I held shoulders.
He was getting mad
Her:"I apologised Teddy I thought you
forgave me"
Him:"I did. Look I'm in the mid- oh shii-"
Her:"Are you? Wow!! Seriously?!!"
Him:"Ssstar oh shit"
Okay we were full blown having rough
sex and Ntombi was listening. Its wrong I
know these people have a history but she
knows he has a girlfriend now he's moved
on she should respect that.
Me:"Drop th- baby I'm- oh shit!!"
He fiddled next to me and Ntombi's
annoying voice went mute. We had
another breaking point.
Him:"Fuck!!"
He rolled to his side I got out of bed I was
dripping I looked at him and he was
proud. I went to drink water I wanted to
ask him what Ntombi did but I didn't
wanna overstep wait I'm his girlfriend I'm
allowed to overstep but then again...
He groaned his phone was ringing it felt
like we've just slept my body was beyond
tired! Is it waking up time again? So
soon?!!
Him:"Yeah?"
He pulled me closer I fixed Spha who
was crossed on the bed Nkanyiso was on
the phone. He jumped shocking me I
looked back at him.
Him:"What the fuck?! Why didn't you tell
me?! I'm coming!"
Ntombi?! Argg!!! Not again!! He got up
and grabbed his clothes. Okay I was
starting to be worried what if something
happened to the babies?! Oh my God!
Him:"Fuck!!"
Me:"What's wrong?"
He stopped running his hands on his
face.
Him:"I need to go to the bus terminus"
 I frowned sitting up I didn't know what to
say I looked at the time and it was 4am
Him:"Come lock up"
I got out of bed. Was he gonna tell me
why he was going to the buses at 4 in the
morning?
He stared at my body I was still naked
and weird enough my knees were still
shaking Nkanyiso kept me up for more
rounds.
Him:"Erh"
I wore my gown
Him:"Its fine get back in bed I'll snap the
door"
I nodded he gave me a kiss
Him:"I love you"
Me:"I love you too"
 He left not telling me who he was fetching
this man was closed off he wasn't open at
all...
We were having breakfast when
Nkanyiso sent me a message that I
should take a taxi because he's occupied.
Calm down Star its nothing. Calm down.
I started at the pharmacy and got the
MAPS the rest of my day was just dull I
kept checking my phone for updates or
anything but nothing Nkanyiso went quiet
on me and I didn't like it.
After work I went straight home tonight I
wasn't gonna cook I was tired and was not
in the mood for anything after releasing
Ruth I went to soak myself in the bath the
kids were sleeping.
Men are so weird they hate secrets but
don't want them.
I got out of the bath and went to call
Nkanyiso
Him:"Baby I'm actually on my way to you"
"Babakhe"
Him:"I told you where I'm going! Just lock
the damn door!"
"Lonondidwa uyazi uku-"
Him:"Would you shut up!! We're divorced!
Call my girlfriend that again and I'll hurt
you badly now come lock the damn door"
I heard a loud bang and some fiddling
Nkanyiso was cursing I think he forgot
about me. I hung up my airtime was
running here. So his wif- ex wife is in town
I don't know how to feel about that.
I got dressed in my pyjamas my heart
was heavy his wife was in town what was
she even doing here?! In his house?
Aren't they divorced?! I heard a knock. My
gate is open?
Me:"Who is it?"
"Baby its me"
I unlocked the door he looked like shit
Him:"Hey"
I closed it he sat down.
Me:"Hi"
He kept quiet I went to sit next to him he
looked troubled I played with his ear.
Me:"Wanna talk about it?"
He looked at me and shrugged his
shoulders.
Me:"What's wrong?"
Him:"More like what's not wrong!"
He placed his head on my lap
Him:"My ex is in town and she brought
Siphesihle with her"
What do I say?!!!!
Me:"Oh?"
Oh Star?!! Seriously?!! That's all that
could come out of your big mouth?!! Oh?!!
Him:"Yeah the guy she's been dating
asked her to marry him and she said yes"
That's a good thing right?
Me:"So she's getting married isn't it a bit
too soon?"
Him:"We've been split for years Star so
like me she moved on so as a free woman
she's getting married"
Me:"So what is she doing here?"
Him:"The drop off Siphe"
Me:"Wait what? I don't understand"
He signed
Him:"The guy she's marrying doesn't
gave kids and he doesn't like the fact that
she has one so she's giving me
Siphesihle because she loves the guy and
doesn't wanna lose him"
Wait what?!! Is she nuts?!!!
Me:"She's choosing a man over her baby
girl?! Is she crazy?!"
He kept quiet. If he doesn't love you with
your kids than he doesn't love you at all!!
Him:"I don't know what I'm gonna do me
and my daughter aren't close and I know
nothing about girls"
I brushed his head.
Him:"I want to get to know my daughter
but I can't take care of her Star I'm a taxi
driver! I leave early and come back late!
Mom on the side is busy with her new
husband somewhere in a bush lodge
enjoying they're second honeymoon
which by the way is very weird and a bit
disgusting cause they're old"
I chuckled and kissed his cheek
Me:"Jealousy makes you nasty"
Him:"They're old its disgusting"
I giggled he chuckled and looked at me
Him:"But it won't be disgusting when we
celebrate our 50th anniversary"
He wiggled his eyebrows. I laughed
throwing my head back
Me:"We'll be so old!"
Him:"And I'll still be loving you wrinkled
and all"
I smooched his lips
Me:"I love you"
Him:"I love you too baby"
I took a deep breath
Me:"We can ask Ruth to babysit
Siphesihle if that's cool with you"
He sat up straight his eyes lighting up.
 Him:"We could! Money won't be an issue
and I'd fetch her every night but won't it be
too much for you after work?"
I shook my head biting my tongue. Oh
Lord am I making the right thing?!
Him:"Baby I don't wanna put mor-"
Me:"Nkanyiso it won't be a problem but
isn't she in school?"
He signed
Him:"She took her out I just wanna
strangle that woman!"
Me:"I'll ask Ruth tomorrow"
We kissed. I hope Siphe is not a brat
cause I won't be able to deal with her! And
her mother!!! Her mother!! I hope I don't
see her or else my elbow will be in her
throat!!
Insert 33
"You've been staring at your food for the
past 5 minutes"
I looked up and Ruth was standing there
with a worried face I sighed and motioned
for her to sit down. I had a lot on my plate
and I just wanted to share some of the
things
Me:"Nkanyiso's ex wife is in town"
She gasped in shock I nodded looking
down.
Me:"She came with his daughter and
she's leaving pretty soon.... She's leaving
without her"
She gasped again I bit my tongue
Me:"Nkanyiso was wondering if you'd
babysit his daughter for him he'll pay you.
Listen Ruth as the person who hired you
you're allowed to say no if it will be too
much don't be afraid to say no okay?"
 She nodded and kept quiet. It looked like
she was thinking about it
Her:"Its extra money for me and I kinda
need it so I don't mind"
I stared at her my mind taking in what she
just said. Did she really just agree? I
jumped on her thanking her and telling her
how much of a blessing she was in our
lives. I went back to eating but stopped as
I felt pain in my abdomen area
"Good morning Ruth"
That was Nka I sat up straight removing
my hand from my lower stomach.
Him:"Baby"
He gave me a wet kiss I licked my lips
Me:"Sugar"
He looked at me a chuckled
Him:"We'll talk later about that"
I giggled
Him:"I want you to meet Siphesihle"
I froze. Was I ready to meet his
daughter?! Am I even gonna be a good
stepmother? Will she even love me?!!
I got up and slowly went to her level tears
immediately whelmed my eyes.
Me:"Oh my God Nkanyiso she's- she's
you!"
Him:"Yeah"
I kneeled in front her she was the
duplicate of Nkanyiso was he gonna
deny her?! She stood there staring back
at me with her bright white eyes covered
in nothing but innocence. Him:"Sphe this
is aunt Star"
Me:"Hi"
My voice was cracking. Why am I so
emotional?!! She waved at me.
Her:"Hi"
Me:"Come have breakfast"
She looked at her dad he nodded at her.
She looked back at me and nodded. I
extended my hand for her she reluctantly
took it.
Me:"Ba- erh Nkanyiso are you gonna join
us? you left without eating"
He slept over and left when I woke up to
go freshen up I'm still surprised how he
still doesn't have clothes here cause he's
always here. We all sat down to eat I was
shaking in nervous. Why am I so nervous
she's just a baby?!!
Me:"Ruth agreed"
Him:"What?! Oh my God! Let me talk to
her now cause after this I'm taking
Siphesihle's mother to the buses"
She's already leaving?!!
He left us alone in the kitchen I looked at
her she was playing with her food.
Me:"What's wrong?"
Her:"My mommy said I'm gonna stay with
dad she's going away to work on a project
and kids aren't allowed there"
I think we have a smart mouth here but
why would her mother lie to her like that
cause she knew she wasn't coming back
for this innocent soul.
Me:"Yes you'll be staying with your daddy
but during the day you'll be here until your
daddy finds a school for you"
Her:"I don't like it here"
Me:"But you just got here"
Her:"So? Doesn't make any difference"
I pulled a face she looked down. Girl I'm
way older than you don't you dare try me.
Her:"Sorry"
Me:"Eat your food so you can go back to
bed its still early"
 She nodded and ate her food. Nkanyiso
came back
Him:"Baby we need to go now. And you
my angel will be staying with aunty Ruth
because daddy has to go to work"
Her:"I think I want my mommy"
Me and Nkanyiso looked at each other I
was about to walk out when Nkanyiso
stopped me holding my hand I seriously
didn't feel like staying.
Him:"But angel your mommy alre-"
Her:"I know"
I bit my tongue containing whatever was
starting to brew inside me. She just cut
her dad off in my days you didn't do that
to elders if you did you'd get a beating
shame!
Him:"Siphesihle"
He reprimanded her
Her:"I'm sorry I'm just stressed about
mom leaving"
We yet again looked at each other I
chuckled what does a 7 year old know
about stress?!
Me:"Let me fetch my bags"
I left them there I didn't wanna overstep
or else she'll start thinking I'm trying to
replace her precious mommy or even
worse she'd tell me I'm trying to replace
her mommy because by the few words
she has uttered I could clearly tell she was
a smart mouth. I found them laughing I
didn't wanna interrupt so I went to Ruth
who was with Spha that boy is an early
bird!
Me:"Come to mommy baby"
He crawled to me I picked him up Ruth
gave me a look I just shrugged my
shoulders. Nka came after a few with
Siphesihle next to him
Him:"You ready?"
I nodded. He kneeled and gave her a kiss
Him:"Be a good girl and listen to aunt
Ruth"
She nodded. We went to fetch the ex wife
my stomach was in knots she was already
waiting at the door with her bags.
Nka:"We need to move or else you'll miss
your bus"
I didn't know her but I could see the rage
on her face. I think I should've taken a
taxi. She dragged her bags
Her:"And this?!"
She was pointing at me. She's trying me
Him:"Get in the damn car!"
He went to put her bags in the boot the
wife got in and so did he.
 Him:"This is my girlfriend Star not that its
any of your business and baby this is
Sphe's mother"
I turned and looked at her with a fake
small smile I'm sure it didn't even reach
my eyes. I watched as her face softened
was that embarrassment?!
Her:"Erh hi"
Me:"Hello"
She looked down I turned back to the
front.
Her:"I thought its- erh I apologise for-"
Him:"Rudeness?"
Her:"Babakhe"
A chuckle I couldn't contain escaped my
lips I looked out the window did she
seriously think I was Ntombi?
Me:"Is that why ungibize unondidwa?"
Her:"Yebo phel-"
Him:"Its not her you apologised. End of
story"
I looked at him. Why is he being so
rude?! Does it bother him that she's
getting married and he's not? Is he
jealous?!
As per norm we got stuck in traffic
Me:"So you choosing a man over your
daughter?"
I was busy typing on my phone chatting
with my cousin Sihle. I felt Nkanyiso's
eyes on me but I seriously didn't give an
inch.
Her:"Excuse me?"
I looked at Nkanyiso
Me:"Baby close your window please so
she can hear me"
Nkanyiso gave me a look I crossed over
and closed the window.
 Me:"You have a beautiful smart daughter
you know soon she'll be asking when your
little project is ending"
Her:"Its none of your business and still
won't be when she's asking"
Me:"Well her dad is my boyfriend and
right now she's at my place sleeping in my
bed so it is MY business"
Nka:"Star seNkosi"
I looked at him in disbelief is he seriously
taking her side?!!!
Her:"Exactly BOYFRIEND not husband
so stick to your girlfriend duties eat his
money or whatever you do. Siphesihle's
parents will cross that bridge when they
get to it"
My phone collided with her ugly face it
wasn't ugly I'm just being petty but still!! I
reached for her pulling her by her hair
Nkanyiso pulled me back and separated
us.
Him:"What the fuck is wrong with you
Star?!! What the hell?!!"
Oh so it's my fault?! Its all on me?!!
Him:"Its still fucken early for this
nonsense!!"
He was looking at me meaning he was
saying all that shit to me!! Me alone!!
Me:"Can you drive your car so you can
drop me off at work"
I was shaking tears were held by my lids
the anger that was brewing inside was too
much. He clicked his tongue and looked
ahead I placed my head on the dashboard
and allowed my tears to run down.
The ride became quiet and intense I
knew my eyes were bloodshot due to the
crying the route he was taking wasn't
going my way. I looked at him and said
nothing I didn't wanna talk to him.
He parked at the buses and got off the
wife followed after him. I adjusted my seat
and laid on my back experiencing some
pain. Gosh I can't be on my periods! Not
now!! I laid there with my eyes closed and
hands placed on my abdomen area. That
bastard came back and drove. I groaned
as the period pains got intense
Him:"Are you okay?"
Am I okay?!! Am I okay?!! You got to be
fucken joking!! I ignored him.
Him:"Star are you okay?"
Me:"Please don't touch me Nkanyiso"
He removed his hand
Him:"Baby what's wrong you don't look
good?"
 Tears ran down the sides of my face not
because of the pain but because of him.
He'll expect me to sit with him when
Siphesihle starts asking question but he
couldn't ask her mother what he's
suppose to tell her when she starts asking
He drove me to work it was quiet I was in
pain physically and emotionally.
Him:"We're here"
I sat up and took my bags, I opened the
door ready to get out of his car but he held
my arm.
Me:"Get your hand off me"
Him:"Baby I-"
Me:"Its still fucken early for this nonsense"
I yanked my arm and got off. I didn't dare
look back I could feel his eyes on me I
stopped at the entrance to pull myself
together I took a deep breath and walked
through that door with my head held high.
I started at the bathroom and indeed I was
on my periods I fixed myself and my make
up.
The rest of the day was unproductive the
period pains were there but they weren't
bad and my heart was still in pieces
because of the morning encounter. I was
wrong to throw my phone at her but for
Nkanyiso to side with her like that?! That
broke me!!
It was finally home time I went to
Michael's office he was already packing
up.
Me:"Hey"
Him:"Hey beau- oh God what's wrong?"
I shook my head as tears filled my eyes
Me:"Don't wanna talk about it"
I held onto the door handle for balance.
The period pains were giving me a dizzy
spell
Him:"Get in Bongi can wait"
Me:"No. No don't keep a lady wai-.."
Him:"Star?"
Me:"Wai-.. Waiting"
I saw him hurriedly coming to me but his
body turned to the side and now the only
thing I could see were his shoes.
Him:"Star?!!!"
Me:"Wh-"
Him:"Candice call the ambulance!!!
Don't close your eyes!! Oh shit!!
Candice!!!" Insert 34
There's people on top of me and they are
fussing over me I groan as pain pierced
through my head it feels like my skull is
cracked don't know how that feels like but
it surely did feel like it. They didn't stop so
I opened my eyes and people I didn't
know were on top of me doing God knows
what!! It was a man and a woman dressed
in uniform.
Me:"Whar-.. Wha-"
Man:"Shh mam you hit your head hard"
They carried on doing they're thing
Me:"Can you guys stop I'm fine"
"Star stop resisting you're not fine"
Me:"Michael I'm fine!"
Him:"Star you-"
Me:"I said I'm fine!! Please guys just-...
Please leave me"
The room went quiet I slowly sat up I was
on a couch in Michael's office. The
paramedics looked at Michael and he
nodded.
Me:"I'll be fine I just need something for
my head"
I held it they gave a bottle of water and
pills. I immediately took them and laid my
head back. They collected they're things
and left it was now just me and Michael.
He sat next to me
Him:"What's going on?"
I looked at him
Him:"Please talk to me"
Me:"I don't know what's happening to me
Michael but it feels like I'm losing myself"
I said as my voice started to break down.
He pulled me to his chest
Me:"Achie is taking us to court for Spha, I
lost my family, my brother doesn't wanna
talk to me because I went back to a man
who made a bet on me, I attacked
Nkanyiso's ex wife this morning, Nkanyiso
on the side is- he's-.."
I broke down he held me tighter which
made me cry even more it hurts. It hurts
so bad I'm a mess because of love,
because I chose to go back to him and
love him despite everything.
Him:"Why did you attack his ex wife?"
I was calmer now but he was still holding
me.
Me:"I don't
know"
Him:"Star?"
Me:"She told me to stick to my girlfriend
duties and go eat Nkanyiso's money so I
snapped. Nkanyiso raised his voice at me
it was like he was telling me to respect her
Michael all I wanted to know was what
must we tell her daughter whom she's
abandoning when she starts asking
questions cause she will and Nkanyiso
knows nothing about girls knowing him
he'll expect me to play a mothers role go
shopping do everything but I can't ask
questions because I'm nothing but a
girlfriend"
Tears ran down my face Michael didn't
utter a single word and that's what I
wanted and needed to offload on
someone who's not gonna judge or
applaud me. I was gonna do what the
mother asked of me and stick to my
girlfriend duties...
Michael dropped me off at home and
gave Ruth a lift the kids were still up I
didn't feel like cooking so I wasn't gonna
cook.
Me:"Siphesihle have you eaten?"
She nodded she was watching cartoons
and the other two were on the floor. I went
to take a quick bath and changed into my
pyjamas I noticed that was bleeding
heavily which was unusual because I'm
not a heavy bleeder. I made a mental note
to go make a doctors appointment. Spha
was the first to fall asleep understandable
he plays too much it was past 8 when
Nkanyiso knocked Skylar was on my
chest and Siphesihle on the couch under
a fleece with a bowl of Noddles.
Him:"Hey baby"
He tried kissing me but I moved my head
not in an obvious manner
Me:"Hi"
I went to sit down he sat next to his
daughter.
Him:"Angel"
She nodded watching TV. He looked at
me
Him:"Can we talk?"
I wonder what we were doing now but I
didn't say anything I just got up taking my
bowl and went to the kitchen. He pulled
me to him and kissed me but I didn't
return it
Him:"Baby"
Me:"I'm not in the mood for this I'm tired
Nkanyiso"
I moved out of his embrace he looked at
me and sighed.
Him:"Is this about this morning's
encounter?"
I shook my head
Me:"I'm tired I had a long day"
He nodded stepping back
Him:"I'll wait for Sphe to finish eating"
Me:"She can leave with the bowl and
bring it back in the morning"
I looked away from his shocked face
Him:"Are you-..."
I kept quiet I could feel his eyes drilling
through me I walked out going back to the
lounge I was honestly tired.
Sphe:"Aunty Star"
I looked at her
Her:"Do I really look like a boy?'
Me:"Why?"
Her:"People always say I look like my dad
and he's a boy"
Me:"You do look like your dad but you
don't look like a boy"
She frowned in confusion
Her:"Okay now I'm confused which one is
it?"
Nka:"You like a female version of me
angel"
She looked at her father and back at me
Her:"Okay so I don't look like a boy?"
I shook my head Nkanyiso chuckled and
sat next to her. He looked at me his smile
disappeared I wasn't smiling at all. We sat
in silence Sphe finished her food still no
movement from Nkanyiso I took Skylar to
bed.
Him:"So it's gonna be like that?"
He was standing at the door of my
bedroom
Me:"I don't know why you're doing this"
I held onto the bed for balance those
dizzy spells were back
Him:"You were wrong Star"
Me:"I know I'm sorry and please do pass
the message to the mother of your child"
Him:"Why you gotta put it like that?"
I kept quiet cause my head was really
spinning I closed my eyes.
Him:"Star seNkosi?"
Me:"Mh?"
Him:"Star whats wrong?"
Me:"It hurts"
I felt his hands on me he was holding my
shoulders.
Him:"Star where does it hurt?"
I held my abdomen area tears were
streaming down my face the period pains
were getting worse.
Him:"Baby"
I shook my head trying to stop the
spinning and the pain. He held my
abdomen area
Him:"Star?"
Me:"Mh?"
Him:"Oh my God baby you're bleeding?!"
I nodded uncontrollably. Duh! I'm on my
periods!
Me:"Fill the bathtub for me... Please"
Him:"I'm taking you in"
 I heard some fiddling it felt like my spirit
was leaving my body I was surely getting
weaker. I could hear Nkanyiso's voice but
it sounded so far I slowly laid back on the
bed and allowed myself to rest...
I groaned trying to turn but my body didn't
wanna function it was drained I slowly
opened my eyes. White ceiling! I turned
and there was Nkanyiso squashed on the
small couch.
Did he seriously take me in?!! I just
wanted to sleep and rest not come to
hospital! Men are so dramatic!!!
Me:"Nka- Nkanyi"
He groaned stretching himself out he
jumped up the moment his eyes met
mine.
Him:"Baby you're awake! Are you in
pain? Let me call the nurse"
He ran out leaving me there. I could hear
him shouting for a nurse in the corridor.
He came back with one
Her:"Good afternoon ma'am"
I nodded trying to sit up Nkanyiso was
already next to me fixing my pillow. His
fusing was starting to irritate me.
Me:"Can you stop?"
Nurse:"How are you feeling?"
Me:"I think I'm fine I just don't know why
I'm here"
I looked at Nkanyiso. It was his fault!! And
why is this nurse saying "Afternoon" you
mean to say I slept over? Oh my God my
babies!!
Me:"Nkanyiso my babies
who's taking care of
them?" Him:"My cousin is
with them and so is Ruth
don't worry baby"
I sighed in relief.
Nurse:"Let me get the doctor"
I nodded she left us Nkanyiso sat next to
me and held my hand I had a drip
Him:"I love you and I won't stop loving
you okay? And don't blame yourself it
wasn't your fault we didn't know-"
"I came as soon as I heard!!"
He burst through the doors pushing past
Nkanyiso he crushed me into a hug.
Me:"Ouch"
Nka:"M dude"
He pulled him off me M stood next to the
bed Zinhle was standing at the door.
Me:"Hey Zee"
She gave me a faint smile with a pity look
I frowned M held my hand. My heart stood
still as my parents walked in dad came
straight to me
Him:"Hey princess"
He hugged me. Seriously Nkanyiso you
called the family?!!
Me:"Dad"
Him:"How are you my baby?"
Me:"I'm fine daddy and you?"
He held my shoulders and kissed my
forehead.
Him:"What did the doctor say?"
He was looking at Nkanyiso.
Nka:"She- we-... Erh we're waiting for
him"
He looked at me with a sad look. Are
those tears?! Is Nkanyiso about to cry?!!
M pulled Nkanyiso out. What's going on?!
Zinhle still stood at the door.
Me:"What's going on?"
Mom:"We just got here"
 I ignored her because it looked like she
didn't wanna be here I also didn't know
why she was here. M and Nkanyiso came
back with the doctor Nkanyiso's eyes
were red. He was crying and M looked
very disturbed.
Dr:"Good afternoon can we please have
privacy"
Mom:"We're family"
The doctor looked at Nkanyiso he shook
his head.
Dr:"Please mam I need time with my
patient"
They all left Nkanyiso didn't go he sat on
the bed holding my hand.
Dr:"Nka-"
Him:"Dube not now"
They know each other?
Dr:"How are you feeling Star?"
He was holding my file
Me:"I'm okay and ready to go home.
Nkanyiso overreacted"
Dr:"He actually saved you. You could've
bled to death-"
Nka:"Dube just do it!... Please get it over
and done with so we may fac-...."
He kept quiet and looked down. He was
getting emotional again I tightened my
grip to comfort him. Why is my man like
this?
Dr:"Star you had a miscarriage"
The room went quiet I just stared at him
not sure of what he was talking about. I
was never pregnant
Him:"Star?"
Me:"Huh?"
Nka:"Baby?"
I looked at him
Me:"Huh?"
Nka:"Dube can I do it myself I feel like it-"
Dr:"I understand. Stay strong Star both of
you and Star you need to rest your body is
tired. Nkanyiso pop in at my office okay?"
Nkanyiso nodded the doctor left us alone
he kissed my hands. What's going on
here?!!
He took deep breaths
Him:"We lost our baby Nkosazana its a
shocker because we both didn't know....
I'm sorry I feel like its my fault I've been
putting a lot on your plate so...."
He took another deep breath and kept
quiet I watched as tears ran down his
face.
Him:"You will never be able to conceive
again Star. I'm so sorry ba-"

Insert 35
"Baby? Baby did you hear me?"
We stare at each other for what seems
like eternity he's searching for something
in my eyes I don't know what but he's
searching for it. He placed his palm on my
cheek
Him:"Baby"
Me:"I heard you Nkanyiso"
Him:"I'm sorry Star. I'm really-"
Me:"Its fine. I'm fine I just wanna get out of
this place, can your friend discharge me?"
I sat up taking my hands back from his.
He gave me a look I didn't quiet
understand it nor did I like it.
Me:"What?"
He shook his head
Him:"Nothing. I'll call the doctor"
I nodded he walked out looking confused
my family came in. M held me in his arms
by how he was acting I think he already
knew and so did Zinhle.
Dad:"What did the doctor say?"
Me:"Nothing major"
Him:"If its nothing major what are you
doing here?"
Me:"My body is tired dad"
He nodded I could see he didn't believe
me but I couldn't tell him I wanted to but
the words couldn't come out.
They stayed until visiting hours were over
making jokes and stuffing me with food.
After hugs and kisses the family left giving
me and Nkanyiso space.
Him:"Baby"
His voice was strained and he looked like
a he was ran over by a train. He was quiet
throughout the jokes and laughs
Me:"Nkanyiso"
He held my hands
Him:"I love you"
I nodded
Me:"I love you too"
Him:"I'm sorry Star.... Its all my fault I've
been throwing so much at you. I'm so so-"
He was crying again I pulled him into a
hug holding him tight. My poor baby
M:"Its not your fault Nkanyiso we didn't
even know I was expecting don't blame
yourself baby"
He got in next to me making me lay on
his chest I wiped his tears and gave him a
kiss.
Me:"I love you okay?"
Him:"I love you more"
We kept quiet I was listening to his
heartbeat missing my babies.
I need to get out of this place!!

Him:"Bab
y"
Me:"Mhm
?
Him:"Marry me"
Wait what?!! I sat to face him
Me:"What?"
Him:"Marry me. You love me, I love you
we basically have a family together why
not get married?"
The excitement in his voice didn't go
unnoticed.
Me:"I don't understand"
He was seriously confusing me. Why all
of a sudden?! Is he feeling sorry for me??
Is guilt making him do this?! We haven't
even been together for even a year and
he already wants us to get married?! Jeez
I don't even know his family!!
Him:"Let's get married! MaNkosi"
Me:"Nkanyiso slow down you're making
me dizzy"
He placed the palm of his hand on my
forehead
Him:"Are you okay? Must I call the
doctor?"
I removed it
Me:"No I'm fine its just what you're
asking. It's... It's... Nkanyiso"
He cupped my cheeks
Him:"Let's build a life together maNkosi.
Create a warm home for our kids and
make each other happy. I love you Star I
really do we're not getting any younger so
why waste time and wait for 5 years to get
married?"
Because you have skeletons that keep
popping up?!!
I looked into his eyes searching for
something I also didn't know. The man
was excited!! And I think I'm about to burst
his bubble. Shame
Him:"So are we doing it?"
Lord the excitement in his voice!!!
Me:"Erh-... Nka-..."
He squeezed my hands waiting in
anticipation. How do I crush him when
he's like this?!
Me:"Baby"
Him:"Its a yes?"
I slowly nodded. Great!!! Just great!!!
He attacked me with a hug
Him:"Oh my God baby!!"
He kissed me real hard
Him:"So we're getting married?!"
I shrugged my shoulders
Me:"It looks like it"
Him:"Oh my God!"
Me:"But we first have to take the
traditional route"
Him:"Of course baby! Let me call my
uncles now"
He jumped off the bed and walked out
taking his phone out of his pocket.
Oh my God what have I done?!! Yes I
love him to death but marriage?! After all
these bumps we've been having lately?!
Hell to the NO!!! Bad idea!!
I'm on my second bottle of wine I'm
feeling its effects and it's good it feels like
I'm flying my head is surely in the clouds.
Its been a few days since I've been
discharged from the hospital the doctor
told me to take it easy because my body
needed some rest he also suggested that
I should see a shrink I crushed that
suggestion the minute he said it. Nothing
is wrong with me I'm perfectly fine!!!
I finish the second bottle and stumble to
take the third one Skylar is sleeping and
so is Sphe, Nkanyiso took my family to the
airport so I'm basically all alone and I'm
not complaining. Dad didn't know I
miscarried and I wasn't gonna tell him.
Nkanyiso did ask my dad for my hand in
marriage and he gave us his blessings, so
now his uncles were to take charge.
I checked the time Nkanyiso must be on
his way back already so I threw the 2
empty bottles in the bin and left the half
bottle of wine on the counter. I needed to
lay down for a few
"Star seNkosi"
I groaned he was shaking me my head
was heavy. I was still drunk
Him:"Baby"
Me:"Mhm?"
Him:"Here's your food you need to eat"
I shook my head placing it back on the
pillow.
Him:"You need to eat Star you haven't
eaten sinc-"
"Daddy come see!"
It was Sphe I covered myself the light
was too bright it was hurting my eyes.
Him:"I'll leave the plate here you better
eat Star"
I heard him leave I wasn't gonna force
food down my throat I wasn't hungry I'll
eat when I'm hungry...
 I woke up the following day to Skylar's cry
it was hurting my ears I groaned in
frustration getting up.
Me:"Ouch!"
I held my head. Thanks wine!!! Thanks!
Nkanyiso was standing there with a
crying Nkazi. Oops!
Me:"Give him-"
Him:"Your breath"
His tone was so hard and so was his face
I slowly got up and dragged myself to the
bathroom. When I was done I went back
to my room and took my son giving him
the boob.
Me:"Oh my poor baby"
I wiped his tears and kissed his forehead.
Nkanyiso left and came back with grandpa
and water. I took them for the headache
Nka:"We need to talk"
I looked at him to talk.
Him:"I found two empty wine bottles in
the bin care to explain?"
I looked back at Nkazi who was sucking
on my boob. Poor baby was hungry
Him:"Star?"
I kept quiet brushing my baby's head
Him:"So you're gonna ignore me?"
Me:"I don't know what to say Nkanyiso I
drank some wine yesterday-"
Him:"You finished two wine bottles Star
it's not some wine! You finished them in
less than an hour Star!"
Me:"Please don't raise your voice at me"
He tightened his jaws pacing around.
Okay the big guy is mad at me and it's
quite understandable I drank 2 two bottles
of wines.
 Me:"Look I'm sorry okay? Nkanyiso I'm
going through a lot and I just wanted to
forget just once and be happy-"
Him:"But baby that's not the way. I
understand believe me I also lost a child
here but you don't see me drinking my
sorrows down"
You're not gonna cry Star! Not now!!! Not
ever!!! You not gonna cry!!!
I took a deep breath pushing my
emotions far away and looked at him. He
squatted in front of me
Him:"How about we go see someone?
We'll do it together"
I shook my head
Me:"I'm fine. I'll be fine!"
Him:"But you're not Star. You're in denial-
"
Me:"Where's that food you offered I'm
kinda hungry?"
I gave him a smile but he didn't smile
back instead he gave me a pity look. I
looked away changing Skylar to the next
boob
Him:"I made breakfast so... Yeah"
He left me there.
Me:"You not gonna cry Star because
you're fine. You're perfectly fine"
I whispered to myself taking deep
breaths. I burped Skylar and ate my food
with Nkanyiso watching me. His phone
rang he looked at me and answered
Him:"T"
I couldn't hear because it wasn't on loud
speaker as usual. He jumped up asking
where she was.
Him:"I'm coming"
He hung up. I was looking at him
Him:"Something is wrong with the babies
I gotta go"
He ran out forgetting to give me a kiss he
was worried its his babies so he's allowed
to act that way at the end of the day that's
something I won't be able to give him and
something tells me he's gonna regret
marrying me. If only I hadn't done so
many abortions now I'm nothing but an
excuse of a woman! USELESS!!!
Insert 36
2 weeks later...
We're sitting on the bed Nkanyiso is
laying on his back staring at the ceiling
Skylar is between my legs I'm brushing
his back, one of the things the doctor said
I must do. My baby fell ill to a point
whereby I had to take him to ER that's
how sick he was that's one experience I
never wanna go through ever again!
Nkanyiso brushed my leg I looked at him
Him:"Kiss me"
Wait what? I stared at him in confusion
Him:"Kiss me Star seNkosi"
His voice was low yet filled with authority.
My inner hoe screamed.
Me:"Nka-"
Him:"I'm not gonna repeat myself"
I swallowed my mouth was filled with
saliva. I'm drooling! The look he was
giving me was making things worse. I
slowly crawled to him and placed my lips
on his. I moved back he was still looking
Him:"I'm not Sphamanda"
Me:"Nkan-"
I closed my mouth and kissed him. He
hungrily kissed me back. Have I been
starving him? I've been going through a
lot and pushing him away as if everything
was his fault. I don't deserve him! I don't
deserve his love!
He pulled me to be on top of him I held
Skylar by his leg just to make sure he's
safe and won't fall off.
Him:"I miss you"
He was busy running his hands on my
body. I didn't know how to respond so I
kept my mouth shut and stared down on
him. He laced his lips on my neck a moan
escaped my lips. I wasn't ready for sex.
My body wasn't ready.
I think he felt how tense I was and
stopped.
Him:"Its fine I'll wait"
Me:"Thanks"
I moved away from him and sat back in
my position.
Me:"I can always..."
He looked at me.
Him:"What?"
I licked my lips my eyes went to the
visible King he was wearing a track pant
so King was out there. I bit my lip and
looked back into his eyes I watched as he
swallowed
Him:"Don't do that"
Me:"Oh yeah?"
He caught my hand I was trying to touch
King
Him:"Baby"
His voice was strained. Men are so
weak!!! We heard loud noise coming from
the lounge it was getting closer.
"What the hell is this Star?!!"
Nkanyiso and I both got up. Michael was
pink holding a paper in his hand. I think I
know what that is...
Him:"What's this Star?!"
Nka:"Micha-"
Him:"Shut up!! I wasn't talking to you!!
Star?!"
Nka:"Hey hey!! Stop shouting you're
scarring the kids"
Michael paced around Nkanyiso went to
Sphe who was standing at the door he
was assuring her nothing was wrong she
left. Mic:"Star?"
Me:"How am I suppo-"
Him:"You're way smarter than that!"
I swallowed hard.
Nka:"What's going on?"
Mic:"Did he put you up to this?! Is he
forcing yo-"
Nka:"Michael!!"
Me:"No one is forcing me into anything I
decided that on my own"
Michael stared at me until I felt
uncomfortable and looked away.
Him:"When last did you look at yourself in
the mirror? Do you even recognise the
person you see? What's happening to you
Star?"
My eyes remained glued at the window I
wasn't gonna let him get to me. You're not
gonna cry Star! You're not!!
Him:"Look at me!!"
My body jerked tears immediately ran
down I looked at him.
Him:"Why are you resigning? Who's
gonna take care of your babies? The
house? Of you?" Me:"I have savin-"
Him:"They gonna run out! Than what?!
Huh?! What?!"
 The room went dead quiet. I wiped the
strains on my face
Nka:"You quit your job? Why?"
Michael chuckled
Him:"He's still asking! Lord he's still
asking!"
Nka:"Star baby why did you quit and
didn't you tell me?"
The worry in his voice is evident
Mic:"Can't you see you're slowly killing
her? Wake up Nkanyiso and realise you
love the idea of her not her-"
Nka:"What the hell?!! Who the hell do you
think you are to co-"
Mic:"Star's friend that cares!! You were
gone for 2 days! 2 days!!-"
Nka:"You tell him our business?"
He was looking at me
 Mic:"She actually doesn't but I sure wish
she did! I stayed over for those 2 days
because Star who recently miscarried
your baby had to take care of 3 kids all by
herself because you were busy
gallivanting these streets with your
pregnant ex!"
I slowly sat down feeling my knees go
weak. Yes Nkanyiso was gone for 2days
taking care of Ntombi whilst I took care of
Sphe I didn't mind because I had to keep
myself busy or else I would've lost it. I
understood why he took care of her those
were his babies too if I was him I would've
done the sane too.
Me:"Can you guys please stop"
Mic:"No he needs to hear it!"
Me:"Michael Brown!!! Just please... Just
stop both of you"
 Skylar was crying in my arms I left those
two hooligans in my room and went to the
lounge to fetch his bottle. Sphe ran into
the kitchen
Her:"Aunty Star can me and Spha please
have yogurt, I'll feed him"
I chuckled and nodded she took out 2
plastic bowls I helped her and she went to
the room they were playing in.
She looked so much like her father I
wonder if my- our baby would've also
looked like him? Or maybe like me? I
wonder what gender it was? Would've
loved to have a baby girl maybe next tim-
...
Wait there won't be a next time! There'll
never be a next time! I'll never have a
daughter of my own! I'll never have kids!
I balanced with the fridge trying hard not
to cry but it was difficult. I lost my baby. I
lost my last chance at getying pregnant. I
lost my bundle. But why punish her? Why
take her? She was an innocent soul! I
messed up not her! God why do you
torture us like this?! Were my sins so big
that I'd be punished like this?!
"Hey hey"
He held me in his arm for the first time I
broke down. I cried. I cried for my baby. I
cried for my womb. I'm nothing but a shell.
Him:"Baby"
I screamed my lungs out. Maybe if I
scream it won't hurt anymore or maybe
crying will numb the pain oh or maybe it
will bring her back! Yes! I'll cry so she can
be back! Be back to her mommy! Yes!!
Its a Tuesday Nkanyiso is taking me to a
shrink both him and Michael cornered me
into agreeing on seeing someone. I don't
want to but I'm doing this for my babies.
That's what they said! Ruth is babysitting
the kids and Michael is at work he torn up
my resignation letter and said he'll talk to
the Big guy into giving me an unpaid leave
I didn't deserve a paid leave because of
how absent I've been at work.
Me:"Can we start at McD"
He nodded his slow jams were playing it
was quiet in the car the only noise was
from his music. He parked at the center
Him:"You coming?"
I hesitatingly nodded I haven't been out in
the public since that awful day. We both
got off he held my hand and pulled me
towards the shops.
Why are there so many kids here?!!
There weren't many its just that I was
noticing too much! Why is everyone do
pregnant?!!
Nkanyiso picked up his pace pulling me
with we went straight to Mc D I got what I
wanted as we were coming back I froze
seeing a cute pink romper that had a
teddy bear as a sticker.
Me:"Can we buy that?"
We looked at each other
Me:"Please Nkanyiso"
Him:"Bab-"
Me:"Please"
My voice was breaking tears were
already in my eyes. He nodded and gave
me a hug. After buying it we went to the
Shrink I was holding the romper its gonna
look so good on her!!
The shrink welcomed us
Her:"Please come in and gave a seat"
I don't want to be here!! Nothing is wrong
with me!!!
We greeted
Her:"You guys went shopping?"
 She was being nice trying to make me
loosen up I wish we'd start on why I was
there.
Me:"Yeah we did... We saw something
that would fit Buhle and bought it"
Her:"Buhle?"
Me:"Yeah our daughter"
I held my tummy I could feel her moving I
could feel my cheeks hurting from the
smile I had. My baby wasn't gone! She
was right here with mommy.
Insert 37
"I'll be right back"
Its not the first time hearing that and he
always disappears for a couple of hours
whenever he says that but because I love
him I understand. I understand Ntombi is
heavily pregnant and needs all the
support she needs but he never tells me
when he's going to her its always "I'll be
right back" which could lead up to 8 max!
Him:"Star did you hear me?"
I looked at him and nodded.
Him:"Sphe is already in bed so..."
I frowned
Me:"So what?"
Him:"You should sleep you were really
busy today so you need the rest"
How considerate of him!! Or not! Was this
his way of telling me not to wait up for
him? Was I was loosing him to her?! Was
this it?! But I still love him!!!
Me:"Okay"
Him:"Come I'll tuck you in"
Me:"I'm not a child Nkanyiso I don't need
to be tucked in"
Him:"You're my baby so I'll tuck you in.
Come"
He pulled me up from the sofa I was
staring at him wondering if he's not
sleeping with her maybe he's doing this
"tucking in" out of his guilty conscious.
Him:"Why are you looking at me like
that?"
I shook my head and took the lead to my
room.
Him:"Baby"
Me:"Nkanyiso"
I could hear his footsteps behind me we
got into my room Nkazi was in the middle
of the bed Spha and Sphe were in the
next room. I found that useless because
Nkanyiso always disappeared at night so
them sleeping in the next room was pretty
much useless!
Him:"Baby did I tell you I got a call from
uncle Bheki?"
I rolled my eyes and getting out of the
clothes I was wearing. He was telling me
that for the 100th time since he got home
about an hour and half ago. His arms
wrapped around my half naked body
Him:"Get dressed before I do things to
you"
He whispered into my ear. I wasn't fazed
at all!! No electric shock took place on my
body. No shiver went down my back.
He sucked on my neck and gave me a
kiss on the cheek, I wore my pyjamas and
got into bed.
Him:"So Tomorrow we'll be driving down
I've already booked a BnB for us you'll be
staying at home so far everything is going
according to plan"
I nodded.
Him:"How's therapy going?"
Me:"It's fine talking helps"
He nodded.
Him:"That's good to hear. I love you
okay?"
I nodded and stared into his eyes.
Me:"I love you Nkanyiso"
He smiled and placed a kiss on my lips.
Is love ever enough?!
Him:"I know baby. I know"
He gave me another kiss. It must be nice
to know someone loves you
wholeheartedly.
Him:"Let me go so I can come back"
I just stared at him without uttering a
single word. What do I say? What
comment do I squeeze into that? Best is
to just shut my mouth.
 He placed a kiss on my forehead. I
watched him walk away. Walking away to
her. To go play family with her. She's
pregnant its understandable right? He
needs to be there for her so she may not
lose the babies like I did right?
I took my phone that was next to my night
stand and called Michael.
Him:"Its almost midnight what do you
want?"
Me:"Stop being rude"
Him:"Star please"
Me:"Tomorrow bring me the M.M file"
Him:"I'm not your PA Star"
Me:"I know"
Him:"I'll bring it but you need to go back
to work this working from home thing is
not working for me I miss my friend"
I giggled
Him:"No serious I'm now having lunch
with weirdos"
Me:"Soon I promise. How's the beauty in
your life?"
Him:"Erh.. Uh."
"Hi Star!"
I laughed that was her knowing Michael
he was probably gonna say she's not
there or they're not dating even though
what they have is not friends with benefits.
Me:"Hey you! How are you?"
Her:"I'm good doll and you?"
Me:"I'm amazing baby-"
Mic:"Okay goodnight Star"
I giggled
Me:"Sorry for disturbing. Goodnight"
I hung up. Those two suited each other it
was a beautiful sight to watch it was
blossoming and I was so happy for
Michael!
Its been 2 months since the day Nkanyiso
took me to that shrink who made it seem
like I was losing it! She's been amazing,
she's been supportive and motivating. The
excitement that consumes when I'm
meeting up with her is undescribable, she
makes it seems like everything is gonna
be okay and that I should always be
positive and love myself enough to know
when to let go but that's one thing I can't
seem to do. Let go. How do I let go of
something I love? Something I need? How
do I let it go when it seems like I can't live
without it?
I got up and went to the kitchen to make
myself hot chocolate I couldn't sleep. How
do I fall asleep when I know where he is?
When I know they have so much history?
 Me:"Trust him Star he would never hurt...
Intentionally"
I say to myself to try and believe my own
words. But reality is Nkanyiso is a man
and we all know how men are!
I went back to bed with my second cup of
hot chocolate the time was now 01:39am
and he was still with her.
I went to take Spha from the next room
and placed him in mine I did so with Sphe
too, she was heavy but worth it. I didn't
wanna sleep alone even though sleeping
with kids its like sleeping alone. I heard
some fiddling I slowly opened my eyes it
was Nkanyiso
Him:"Go back to sleep baby"
I lifted my head and checked the time on
the small clock on my night stand it was
04:30am. He was back to get ready for
the rank. Wow!
 I turned and faced the kids holding my
breath I didn't wanna cry. I didn't
understand why I was taking all of this. I
don't deserve any of this! That's what my
therapist said she said I deserve way
more and I should never decrease my
standards nor value because of a man.
Nkazi woke me up at around 6 that was
his time I went to make him a bottle
Nkanyiso was already gone to the rank... I
think
We were leaving tonight lobola
negotiations were taking place this
weekend. I didn't wanna think about it
because... Well its obvious.
I went to take a bath with my baby and
got dressed in a jumpsuit. Ruth wasn't
coming today because we were leaving
and it was gonna be useless she
deserved a break.
I opened the door Michael was standing
at the other side
Me:"Hey get in"
He gave me a side hug
Him:"Hey sunshine. How's you?"
Me:"I'm good and you?"
Him:"Never been better. Here's the file I
sent you an email with everything you
might need and there's a proposal I want
you to check out we've got our eyes on
the Pedi brothers"
We sat down and concentrated on
business for a full hour that's when She
walk into the lounge.
Mic:"Morning angel"
Her:"Morning"
She flopped next to me and laid her head
on my shoulder.
Me:"Morning baby"
She nodded rubbing her eyes
Me:"Go bath baby I'll make you
breakfast"
She got up and dragged herself to the
bathroom she said she was too old to be
bathed so she did it herself.
Mic:"When is she going back to school?"
Me:"Nkanyiso said next year"
He nodded I went to place three outfits on
the bed for her to choose from and went
back to Michael.
Him:"I think its time for me to leave still
have go to work"
Me:"Okay and thanks for this"
Him:"Pleasure boo but I'm not your PA"
I laughed
Me:"Whatever. Say hi to the queen for
me"
He laughed
Him:"Go to hell!"
He gave me a hug.
Him:"Bye"
I walked him out and back in Sphe came
to eat her breakfast.
Her:"Daddy said we're going on a trip"
Me:"Yes but you'll probably be asleep
cause we're leaving at night"
She nodded and ate her cereal. We spent
the day together just talking and playing
games. Her father got home at around 4
in the afternoon
Him:"Hey baby"
He gave me a long kiss pulling me closer
to him.
Him:"I missed you"
He turned me around and held me from
the behind.
Him:"Are you guys ready we're leaving in
30 minutes?"
Sphe:"Really?!"
She jumped from the couch
Nka:"Yes baby. Go get ready"
She ran to her room. No they weren't
living with me but her bags were already
here.
Him:"And you mommy are you ready?"
I nodded.
Me:"Yes I am"
He turned me around and pulled me to
him.
Him:"We're getting married baby!"
He sounded so excited I brushed his
face.
Him:"I love you so much"
Me:"I love you too"
 We finally left starting at a garage for
foodie I left him in the car staring at his
phone I left with Sphe she was so excited.
Her:"Is it six yet?"
I giggled and shook my gead
Her:"So are we gonna buy sweets I
haven't forgot the no sugar after 6 rule"
I laughed out loud we were standing in
the chocolate ally.
Me:"Yes we gonna buy sweets today the
rule doesn't apply because we're on a
road trip"
Her:"You the best mother!!"
My heart clung that was a first! She didn't
exactly say I was her mommy but still!! Its
better than nothing. That showed that I
was doing a good job. She hugged me. I
giggled a guy who was standing next to us
was looking at us smiling.
Him:"Hey"
Me:"Hey"
Him:"Hey princess"
Sphe:"Hello"
Him:"You have a beautiful mommy"
He was saying that to her I chuckled and
looked away
Her:"Thanks"
He extended his hand
Him:"I'm Dali Nxumalo"
I stared at it and looked back in his face
Me:"Star"
He chuckled and took his hand back.
Him:"That's your name?"
I nodded hiding a smile
Him:"Go on smile I wanna see it"
Sphe:"Yeah I also wanna see it"
I laughed I couldn't help it. Siphesihle!!
 Him:"There it is! Now look at that! You're
so beautiful"
I blushed and looked away
Me:"Thank you"
Sphe:"I wanna be like her when I'm big"
My heart pulled I felt tears at the prick of
my eyes. Sphe was being something
else!! I looked at her and she was smiling
at me. I pulled her cheeks
Me:"I love you"
I whispered to her. Dali was looking at me
in amusement I looked away blushing
even more.
Him:"Would I be overstepping if I were to
ask for your number?"
I showed him the ring and nodded.
Him:"Oh"
I nodded again
Him:"That's a bummer"
Me:"But it was nice to meet you"
He smiled again
Him:"Same here but I didn't get the
princess's name"
Her:"I'm Sphe"
She extended her hand Dali looked at me
and chuckled. They shook hands
Him:"Nice to meet you Sphe"
She nodded we chose everything we
thought we needed with Dali on our side
he was entertaining us my cheeks were
hurting from all the laughing and blushing
Sphe was right there adding fuel to my
laughter. He offered to pay at first I
refused but he insisted so I allowed him.
Him:"So this is it?"
I nodded
Me:"Yeah"
Him:"Wow but I don't want it to end"
 Me too!! He was really nice and funny
too!! Sphe was having her chocolate
minding her own business.
Me:"Unfortunately. Look my boyfriend is
waiting for me in the car so I gotta go"
Him:"You said boyfriend"
I bit my lip
Me:"Yeah we're getting married this
weekend traditionally so..."
Why am I explaining myself?!
Him:"You're still allowed to have male
friends?"
"Baby"
I froze as Nkanyiso wrapped his arms
around me. A shiver went down my spin.
Dali:"You must be the husband nice to
meet you"
He extended his hand Nkanyiso looked at
it.
Me:"Don't be rude Nkanyiso this is my old
high school friend"
Him:"Oh! Ndoda"
They shook hands. Why am I lying?!! But
he needs to stop being rude!! Nkanyiso
introduced himself
Dali:"Star your number we need to have a
reunion"
I bit my tongue. I didn't wanna give him
my number! I'm not a cheat!
Me:"I don't have my phone with me and
this is a new number so.."
I wasn't lying my simcard disappeared in
Nkanyiso's car.
Him:"Take mine"
I slowly took the card from him I couldn't
even say no because Nkanyiso was
gonna be suspicious but I wasn't gonna
use. Never!!
Me:"It was nice seeing you"
Him:"You too"
We walked away no hug nothing. We all
got into the car Sphe was safely in the
back.
Nka:"Your friend"
Me:"What about him?"
Sphe:"He said she's beautiful daddy and I
said I wanna be like her"
Nkanyiso looked at me with a straight
face I wasn't fazed. He was about to say
something when his phone rang he took it.
Him:"T"
I tightened my jaws and looked away.
Insert 38
After close to 30 minutes being on the
phone he finally said goodbye to her. I
was counting! I couldn't help myself. We
were somewhere in the bushes he was
driving I had lost my appetite even the
game on my phone wasn't entertaining
nothing was. My gut was telling me
Nkanyiso was cheating on me with Ntombi
but I didn't have proof my heart said
otherwise! The guy is marrying you Star
which means he loves you!! Get a grip
woman!! My inner voice said.
Him:"So the Dali guy"
I looked out the window as a lump
blocked words to come out it was rock
hard in my throat but I wasn't gonna cry.
No never!!
Sphe:"Finally daddy!!! Now we can sing
our song the ones we were singing today"
A small smile formed on my face we sang
different songs today and it looked like
she was enjoying herself but now, now I
wasn't in the mood to sing.
Me:"I have a headache Sphe"
 Her:"Oh can't you drink medicine to fix
it?"
Nkanyiso gave me a look and looked
back at the road. I took my bag and
searched for grandpa I drank it with water.
Me:"Give me a few minutes okay?"
She nodded excitedly I looked forward
and rested my head.
Her:"Mommy can I call you that auntie
Star?"
I held my stomach as I received a punch
from air. Why is she doing this to me?! I
took deep breaths because I didn't wanna
cry
Me:"Ask your daddy princess"
Nka:"Of course you can call her mommy"
Her:"Okay so mommy when are we
seeing uncle Dali again he's funny?"
I held my breath. Guilt! I don't do anything
wrong but guilt was starting to eat me up.
Me:"I don't know baby"
Her:"Well I hope soon he's nice. So is the
few minutes over yet?"
I chuckled shaking my head
Me:"Just a few left"
She gasped covering her mouth.
Her:"That's many! You said I must wait
for a few and no-"
Nka:"Siphesihle!!"
I looked at him in shock for raising his
voice at the poor child he had his eyes
fixed on the road. Sphe kept quiet and
started sniffing.
Me:"Stop the car"
He increased his speed.
Me:"Nkanyiso!"
 He slowed down I opened the door the
car was still moving I wanted to show him
I was serious. He stopped the car I got out
and went to sit at the back with Sphe I
held her in my arms.
Me:"Don't cry princess"
Him:"I'm sorry princess daddy didn't
mean to shout"
I gave him a look one that spoke what I
couldn't say, I had a lot to say not just
about him raising his voice at Sphe but
him sleeping out, him allowing Ntombi to
overstep boundaries and the fake
marriage we were gonna have.
Him:"Come give daddy a hug"
She shook her head still on my lap.
Me:"Drive Nkanyiso I'll sit here at the
back."
Him:"No you not"
 We looked at each other he was
determined and so was I. He turned and
looked at the front driving away roughly. I
didn't say anything I was avoiding a fight
here...
"Star seNkosi"
I slowly opened my eyes the car wasn't
moving the kids were asleep, I looked at
Nkanyiso his face was hard.
Me:"Mhm?"
Him:"Can you please move to the front?"
I frowned in confusion maybe he was
lonely there in front cause we were
asleep at the back so I moved to the
front. He started the car Him:"Is there
something you wanna tell me?"
I was even more confused. Tell him
what?
Me:"What?"
 Him:"You're drifting away Star seNkosi I
thought therapy was gonna help us and
bring us closer but instead its making us
drift even farther"
I stared at the road not knowing what to
say. I had a lot to say why things were the
way they were but something was
blocking me. I'm the only one who's
attending therapy so how is it gonna help
us?
Him:"Star seNkosi"
Me:"Can we not do this?"
Him:"Star what's going on with you? You
keep pushing me awa-"
Me:"I'm pushing you?! I'm pushing you?!
Don't you dare spit in my face Nkanyiso"
Him:"Talk to me Star! Who was that Dali
guy? The vibes I got from hi-... Who is he
Star and don't lie to me"
 I stared at him. That's all he cared about.
He didn't care about my feelings. About
me. About my wellbeing. How I was
coping after everything. He just didn't
care.
I closed my eyes adjusting the seat back I
could feel tears burning my eyes because
I cared about this man and loved him with
my all.
Him:"So you gonna ignore me?"
Tears escaped my eyes and rolled down.
Him:"Okay"
I tightly held my stomach under the fleece
I didn't want him to hear me cry.
Him:"I don't know what's going on with
you or what went wrong! You used to be
this headstrong person who was alive and
adventures but now! Now you're ju-..."
He stopped himself. I'm dead?! Was that
what he was gonna say before he stopped
himself?! What went wrong?! Was he
seriously asking what went wrong?!
He played some music it was loud
enough for him not to hear my sob I
couldn't contain the sobs that were
coming out of my mouth anymore but
thank God for music.
Someone shook me gently I yawned
stretching my arms.
Him:"We're here"
I looked around and noticed we were
parked at M's. I had cried myself to sleep.
I got out
Him:"The kids are already inside"
Me:"Bags?"
Him:"Inside"
I nodded and walked away I was tired I
could do with some more sleep. I found M
in the lounge Me:"Hey"
He got up still glued on his phone.
Him:"Baby sis"
He looked up with his arms open ready to
give me a hug.
Him:"You've been crying"
Me:"No I was-"
Him:"Don't protect him Star"
Me:"I'm not!"
Nkanyiso was standing there looking
confused.
Him:"I still don't know why you're with this
childish low life. Come here"
He pulled me into his arms and held me
tightly.
Him:"You deserve so much better than
this sis I seriously don't know what he
promised you for you to put up with this
bullshit" He kissed my forehead
Him:"I love you okay?"
I nodded and whispered back at him that
I love him too.
Him:"Go to bed I need to go back to the
club"
I nodded.
Him:"You do know the only reason I
tolerate your ass is because of my sister
other than that you can fuck out of my
place and please never set foot here
again. If you want her you'll wait for her
outside"
Me:"M!!"
Him:"Don't M me Star seNkosi you may
have forgiven him but I haven't and never
will. Say your goodbyes cause I need to
go"
He checked his watch and looked at us I
looked over at Nkanyiso he gestured for
me to step outside. I followed after him
closing the door behind me.
Me:"I'm sorry about my brother"
Him:"No need to apologize he's just being
a big brother"
He pulled me to him wrapping his arms
around my waist.
Him:"We're getting married"
Me:"Yeah"
I said nervously
Him:"I can't wait for you to be Mrs Me I
love you baby"
Me:"I love you too"
We shared a kiss.
Him:"I gotta go okay? Go get some rest"
Me:"Tell me when you get at the BnB"
He nodded and gave me another kiss
Him:"I love you"
 I nodded not sure whether I had to say it
back or what? I did love him it was his
love that I was doubting.
After biding him goodbye I went inside
and bid M too. The kids were sleeping I
joined them.
I woke up later the kids weren't in bed I
went to the bathroom to freshen up and
went to join them in the lounge.
Me:"Hey Zee"
Her:"Finally you're awake!"
She jumped on me
Me:"Someone missed me!"
She giggled
Her:"I kinda did"
Me:"You're glowing someone is happy...
And b-"
She hid her face with her hands
Her:"We're expecting"
Me:"Oh my God Zee!!"
I gave her a big hug I was really happy
for them!
Me:"When did you find out?! How and
why am I only hearing about this now?!"
We sat down and chatted over tea and
scones we were talking mostly about her
and my brother there was nothing to tell
about my life.
Her:"So you're getting married"
Me:"It seems like it"
She sat up straight
Her:"You don't sound excited"
Cause I'm not! I kept quiet and just
looked at her
Her:"What's going on?"
Me:"Nothing"
Her:"Star"
Me:"Nkanyiso is not sleeping at home"
She frowned not understanding what I
was saying.
Me:"Never minsy I'm just being stupid"
Her:"No you're not! Talk to me please"
I stared at my hands fiddling them she
moved closer and held them.
Her:"Star?"
I took a deep breath
Me:"He's been sleeping over at Ntombi's
place"
She gasped and shoved my hands away.
Her:"What?!"
I nodded feeling tears burn my eyes.
Her:"What?!"
I bit my lower lip I didn't wanna cry
 Her:"And you're still marrying him?! What
the hell Star?! Leave him he doesn't
respect nor value you! Sorry but I'm
gonna tell M about this I don't care what
you say but I'm gonna tell him someone
has to stop this wedding! No!!"
Me:"You will do no such thing!"
Her:"Yes I will!! I don't care what you say
I will tell M-"
"Tell me what?"
They were both on their feet I also got up
M was staring at Zinhle I was also looking
at her begging her not to say anything.
Her:"Nkanyiso is cheating on Star with his
ex Ntombi he has been sleeping over at
Ntombi's pla-"
Great!!!!
Me:"Zinhle!!"
Her:"Don't Zinhle me!"
M:"Wait wait wait Nkanyiso is back with
Ntombi and you're marrying him?!"
Me:"They're not back together!"
Zee:"Wake up!!"
M:"Baby calm down you're pregnant and
please sit"
She was really mad she sighed and sat
down and stared tapping her foot. I also
sat down feeling drained M:"Star
seNkosi"
I looked at him.
Him:"Is Nkanyiso back with Ntombi?"
I nodded and then shook my head.
Him:"Which one is it Star?"
Me:"I don't know M okay? I don't know!"
He sat next to me and wrapped his arms
around me.
Him:"Don't cry okay? I love you"
I nodded in his embrace
Me:"I love you too"
He held my shoulders and looked at me.
Him:"I'm gonna take a shower and go
over to dads me and him need to talk
because you can't and won't marry
Nkanyis-"
Me:"Mphen-"
Him:"I was telling you Star, you can't and
won't marry him. Give me his number to
meet up me and him need to have a man
to man talk later
Insert 39
My phone flashing "Love" on the screen
my brother was still seated next to me I
watched as his eyes fell on my screen and
his jaws tightened. I swallowed and picked
up the phone
Me:"Hey"
Him:"Baby I'm outside"
I swallowed again I could feel Zinhle and
Ms eyes drilling through me.
Me:"Okay"
I hung up and got up ready to go.
M:"Sit down"
Me:"Lelo"
Him:"Sit down Star seNkosi"
Me:"He's still my boyfriend M"
Zee:"He is bu-"
Me:"Guys!!! Just stop please! Just... I'll be
back"
I walked out with a tight chest I hated this
thing of being controlled and lately it
seemed like everyone was controlling me,
I had no say in my life everything they say
I must do how old am I 12?!
I found him laying back in the car with the
seat back down.
Me:"Hey"
He pouted his lips I stared at them.
Him:"Baby"
He whined. I leaned in and kissed him
sucking his delicious lips, he pulled me
closer holding the back of my neck.
Him:"I fucken love you"
I moaned softly as he went to my neck
his hand moved to my thigh.
Me:"Nkaaa..."
Him:"Baby"
He moved me to sit on top of him King
was directly at Missy I leaned down to him
and kissed him whilst his hands rested on
my butt.
Him:"I miss you"
He squeezed my butt I moved my waist.
Why did I wear tights?!! His hands went
inside from the back and went straight to
my moist
Him:"Fuck baby you so wet"
He rubbed my bud
Me:"Babyyyy!!"
Him:"Yes?"
He grazed my nipple with his teeth. My
body shook at the sensation
Me:"Nkanyiso"
He went to the other one and sucked my
nipple through my T-shirt. My back ached
pushing boob to him
Me:"Baby let's stop"
He flipped my nipple my body shook
again.
Me:"Let's stop"
I held his shoulders
Him:"Wait what?"
 He moved his head to look at me not
stopping rubbing me.
Him:"Sorry if I'm coming off as s jerk but
Star I've been so patient with you now
here I am with blue bal-"
I kissed him taking off my T-shirt and
threw it aside. I wanted this I really did.
Him:"Look at those"
I giggled he took one in flipping his
tongue as his fingers slipped into my
warmth. My waist moved at his fingers I
wanted more I needed more.
Him:"Fuck Star!"
I was throbbing in need. He lifted me up
helping me get out of the tights I threw
them one side and undid his jeans. I held
King and guided him to my entrance.
He chuckled
Him:"We seriously doing this in the car?"
I giggled and nodded
Me:"It looks like it"
I slowly sank down taking him in as he
pushed through my walls opening me up.
Him:"Oh
shit Star!"
Me:"Nka!!"
I rode him to our destination where
everything came crushing down and
pleasure was enjoyed.
I was busy fixing my hair already dressed
up I could feel his eyes on me.
Me:"Stop staring"
Him:"You're mine I have to"
I looked at him.
Me:"Are you mine?"
I bit my tongue. I just thought out loud
Me:"I'm sorry I didn't mea- I'm- ..erh"
Him:"Star"
I looked
at him
Him:"You
doubting
me?"
Do you blame me?!!
I didn't say anything I just looked out the
window.
Him:"Can we talk as adults and stop
shutting each other out?"
I looked at him he reached over and took
my hands into his.
Him:"You doubting me"
I nodded.
Him:"Can we use words? Please"
I stared at him as everything replayed
over in my head. Everything
Him:"Star I'm askin-"
Me:"I don't wanna get married!"
I tightly closed my eyes not wanting to
see his reaction. The atmosphere in the
car changed it became tense I slowly
opened my eyes.
Him:"What?"
His face I couldn't read it but I've never
seen that look before
Me:"Nkanyiso I... See the thing is-... Nka-
"
Him:"Don't do that just tell me!"
Me:"I don't want to get married I don't
trust you Nkanyiso"
He frowned
Him:"Don't trust me?"
Me:"Yes!! Tell me when last did you sleep
at home?"
He looked away I turned his face to me
Me:"Tell me"
He swallowed
Him:"I don't know"
He whispered. I wasn't gonna ask where
he was sleeping cause I knew, I knew he
was sharing nights with her ones he was
suppose to share with me! I tightly closed
my eyes taking deep breaths my hands
sweating.
Me:"Are you sleeping with her?"
My heart was beating out of my chest as I
waited in anticipation for his answer. I
dreaded it!
Him:"Wha- baby why would you- come
on!"
I opened my eyes as I felt my walls
crumble down. His defence was very
weak!! Nkanyiso wouldn't do that to me!!!
He wouldn't!!! Or would he?!
Me:"Nkanyiso?"
I whispered my voice already cracking
Him:"Baby I can explain"
I closed my eyes blocking him out and
concentrating on my breathing I swear I
heard my heart shutter into pieces. I knew
it!!! I knew he was sleeping with her!!! I
knew!!! But it still hurt!! It still heart that he
went back to his ex!!! That my trust and
faith in him was taken for granted!
Him:"Baby liste-"
Me:"Please get your hands off me.
Please"
I wasn't screaming at him my voice was
low.
Him:"Baby it happened once I swear!"
Me:"Once too many Nkanyiso"
 Him:"I know baby. I know. I'm sorry baby
I'm really sorry, we had just lost our baby
and you were pushing me away-"
Me:"So its my fault?! I made you sleep
with her?"
Her:"No!! No baby that's not what I'm
saying. I take full responsibility of this I
messed up big time and I'm sorry bab-"
Me:"I need to breathe you're suffocating
me"
I tried opening the door but it was locked
on his side I looked at him.
Me:"Open this door"
Him:"You not leaving us like this Star"
Me:"I'm trying really hard to stay calm so
please..."
Him:"Baby we first need to fix thi-"
Me:"I will punch you in your fucken throat!!
Don't test me Nkanyiso!! Now open this
damn door!!!" He stared at me as his
eyes turned red. I won't fall for his tears!!
No!!
Him:"Baby-"
Me:"Don't"
It click open I clicked my tongue and got
out I didn't bother closing the door behind
me. My brother and his girlfriend were still
sitting there I closed the door and leaned
against it.
You not gonna cry Star you've come a
long way. Not now!
M:"What is it?"
He was already in front of me holding
my shoulders. I shook my head taking
deep breaths Me:"Its nothing"
Him:"Star seNkosi what is it?!"
Me:"I said its nothing. I called the
engagement off now please move out of
my way I need to go get ready me and my
kids are leaving"
I gently moved him in front of me and
went to the room I was occupying...
"Mommy we leaving already? But we just
got here"
I was pulling our bags to the lounge.
Sphe was standing in front of me with her
hands on her hips.
Me:"Yes we're leaving baby"
Her:"But why? I thought we were gonna
stay longer"
Me:"Change of plans baby now wear this
whilst I change these two"
She nodded looking disappointed. I
quickly changed Nkazi and Spha.
Zee:"You serious?"
I gave her a look and turned back to my
phone making sure of the departure time
of the bus tickets I bought.
Her:"Star you don-"
Me:"Please keep quiet I don't wanna
leave on bad terms here"
She looked over at her boyfriend for
backup but he didn't say anything.
Me:"Siphesihle!!"
She emerged from the corner dragging
her feet looking even more like her father.
I blinked the tears away. Nkanyiso broke
what we had, he broke the home we were
starting the future we were building.
Maybe it really was my fault, maybe I
pushed him to her and she welcomed him
with open arms or rather legs. It's just that
I was so occupied focusing on me
forgetting that he also lost a child. I'm so
selfish!! I'm the problem here! Thabo also
left me for another woman and the same
with Nkanyiso. I'm the problem!
I stood there with the phone in my hands
with Zinhle's eyes on me, I dialed his
number and moved away from the family
Him:"Baby pleas-"
Me:"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I pushed you
away. I'm sorry for not considering your
feelings. its all my faul"
Him:"No! No! Baby its not your fault! Its
not!!"
I sat down as tears ran down my face I
placed the phone next to me.
Why am I apologizing?! I didn't do
anything wrong! He cheated not me! It
hurts. It really hurts because I love this
man! I love him so much that I'm already
considering us working things out.
What happened to my self worth? Why
can't I value myself and walk away from
this relationship? Do I really love Nkanyiso
that much that I'd stick this out and work
on us? On me?

In celebration of 10k!! 👏
Never to be repeated POV
•

Insert 40
I paced around as her painful sobs
pierced through the speaker of my phone.
I don't deserve her! I don't deserve this
woman! I don't couldn't understand why
she was still with me yes I wanted her to
be mine and mine alone but I've been
nothing but trash to her, she has shared
tears more than she should've yet she still
stick around and love me as I am. I don't
deserve Star!
 Going back to how broken she looked
when I admitted to sleeping with Ntombi
broke my senses I couldn't tell her that I
slept more than once with Ntombi I just
couldn't! I love her not T!
"Give her space Nkanyiso!"
I turned and looked at my brother who
very much looked like our mother, unto
this day we still teas him for looking like a
woman. I shook my head back to what he
was saying.
Him:"Give her space man she needs to
process everything"
I furiously bit my lip. This is all new to me.
This feeling of having to fun after a
woman is all to me I've never done this
before, having to explain myself like this
and- why am I even lying?! I've done this
before! I've cheated on Ntombi so many
times that I've lost count and yes at the
beginning of our relationship I did run after
her when I had messed up but things
started to change and the begging
stopped. But Star is not Ntombi! She'll
never be Ntombi!
"Out of everyone!! Everyone Nkanyiso!
You chose to cheat on her with someone
whom you so much have a past with?!
How stupid can you be?!"
I looked over at my loud mouthed sister I
just want to slap the attitude out of her for
speaking the truth. They're all here to
support me for the lobola negotiations but
those won't be taking place now.
Her:"I hope Star never looks your way
ever again!! Go on to your stone cause its
clear you can't maintain a diamond!
Bonga get the kids we're leaving I'm not
staying for this nonsense!"
Her hands are all over the place making
me dizzy Bonga her husband got up- this
boy is so weak when it comes to my sister
he does everything she says- she
grabbed her bag with so much attitude
forgetting I'm older than her skinny ass.
Me:"I need some air"
Her:"You mean alcohol?! Give me Star's
number I need to see her before I leave I
need to apologize on behalf of our parents
for giving birth to a baboon"
Me:"Bonga keep your wife in her lane
cause I won't be sorry for-"
"No one is gonna hit anyone here"
I looked at this mom look alike
Him:"She's right you messed up
Nkanyiso not just with anyone but with
your pregnant ex if it was anyone else it
would've been understandable-"
Sis:"Excuse?!! Understandable you say?!"
Him:"Ubangela umsindo ntombazane.
Men are talking now so stay out of this"
She chuckled taking the youngest of her
monkeys
Her:"Go on advise each other on
nonsense I hope she knows what's good
for her and doesn't even consider taking
you back"
She walked out swaying her skinny self
out. Bonga needs to feed my sister and
stop pumping her up with his seeds!
My phone started ringing again it was T
Me:"I'm busy Ntombi"
Her:"Oh?"
She sounded down I swallowed
Me:"What did you want?"
Her:"I just wanted 5 minutes of your
attention it gets really lonely here"
Did she really call me for that nonsense?!
"Nkanyiso drop that call now!"
I looked at our big brother who was
always ready to point it out that he's the
oldest
Him:"Awungizwa yini?! Ngith-"
Me:"I heard you"
T:"Is everything okay?"
It was T asking from the other side
Me:"Look I gotta go"
Her:"Oh? When are you coming back I
miss you. We miss you daddy so does
your hot honeypot" If only she knew my
wife gave me not so long ago so I wasn't
in the mood for hers.
Me:"Sharp"
I hung up and turned to the 3 ugly faces
who were back staring at me. Bonga was
still here
Me:"I need to win Star back and I'm
gonna need your help"
Bonga:"Count me out I don't wanna sleep
on the couch. Your sister can be very
brutal"
Pus!! I like the fact that he respect my
sister but hey this man takes it too far
man.
Me:"But I'm gonna need you with this to
win my sister over to help us out in
winning my woman back Bonga"
Him:"Your sister is very hard headed-"
Me:"Use your dick Bonga! Dominate her
whatever disgusting shit you do to my
sister just do it please bruh I need your
help in this... But don't get her pregnant
my sister has no meat because of all
those big head monkeys of yours"
Him:"At least she's not sleeping on tears
or sleeping alone because I'm occupying
another woman's bed. Look man brining
your sister into this will be a bad idea
cause she'll just fuel things especially
after this shitty thing this one said"
Why did he say I should have cheated
with another woman?! Damn! We all
looked at him
Him:"I didn't know she was gonna get all
personal! Look I'll ask her and apologize
we all should! And then ask her to go
check up on Star but she first needs to
breathe ndoda let her her cry all she
wants"
I turned for the bathroom. I can't lose her!
I can't lose the woman I love her because
of something so stupid. I'm gonna do
everything in my power to win Star back!
Everything!
I splashed my face with cold water my
nose twinkle at the coldness of the water I
looked at the man I saw in the mirror
 Me:"You're losing her ndoda... Your plan
is gonna go to waste and you're gonna
lose all th-.. Dammit Nkanyiso!!"
I flinched and balanced with the wall as
blood oozed out of my hand the mirror
was cracked due to the punch I threw. I
sat down on the wooden floor, all my hard
work was gonna go to waste. All of it!! And
my money too! Everything!!
Star can't really say no to me especially
when it comes to sex maybe I can use
that to my advantage? Or not. I've gone
too far now... Way too far.
I quickly rinsed my hand I was gonna
have to pay extra for the mirror I broke. I
help myself with the aid and went back to
the gents Bonga wasn't with them.
Perfect!
Me:"I'm getting Star back!"
They got up
Me:"You know what will happ- I can't die
Vusi not now"
He held my shoulder and pulled me to his
chest we had our brotherly hug.
Him:"We're in this together. We'll help
you win her back but you gotta stay away
from Ntombi Teddy your life is on the line
because of her! I don't even know what
you see in that girl! She sold you out for
Christ sake!"
Me:"I know! I know! It was just a moment
of weakness"
Him:"We're not stupid Nkanyiso we know
you slept with her more than once!"
Me:"I need to win her over Vusi! I need to
get information from her and she's the
only person who can give it to me"
Him:"Well fucking her is Star leaving you
and your ass getting killed! Find another
way!"
 I moved away from them if only they
knew how hard this really was for me they
wouldn't be so hard on me.
Menzi:"My mother won't cry over your
stupid decisions"
I looked at my oldest brother he doesn't
run his mouth like Vusi
Me:"I'm trying to fix things"
Him:"By messing them up even more"
Me:"I'm going to check on Star"
I walked out I wasn't gonna stand there
and listen to their bullshit I was doing my
best to try and fix things and making sure
my ass doesn't get killed! I drove over to
Star's I just wish she'd talk to me or
maybe I had to come clean with her so
she can understand why things are like
this but then she'll doubt my love for her...
I can't tell her its best I crawl and beg for
her forgiveness than tell her the truth.
 I walked over to the door but walked back
to my car. What was I going to say to her?
Tell the truth and make her hate me even
more?! I can't do that! She has to be back
in my arms or else I'll be history.
There she was pulling bags with our little
family Zinhle was helping her with their
bags no M in sight but where were they
going to? I slowly went down making sure
they don't see me at least if she's alone
she'll be easy to convince compared to
when her family is around.
I followed after the car they were in Zinhle
remained behind it parked at a bus
station. They leaving? Without me?
Without telling me?
I jumped out of my car and hurriedly went
to her. She jumped and moved back in
shock
Me:"Baby"
 Her eyes were bloodshot red. What have
I done?
Sphe:"Daddy!!"
She ran to me I picked her up
Me:"Hey princess"
Her:"Where's your car why are we taking
the bus?"
Me:"Daddy needs to talk to mommy
princess go to daddy's car take your
brothers with you-"
"Leave my kids alone they're not going to
your car"
I looked at her she looked away and
pulled more of their bags. She's angry and
very much allowed to be.
Me:"Baby please..."
I can't seem to find words to use to her.
Where's the charmer boy when I need
him?! I move closer but she gives me a
back off look. But I'm not gonna do that
not now not ever! I'm not about to let go of
the woman I've fallen in love with
Me:"I've been nice to her because I need
information from her from the people she
sold me out to, when I was shot it was
because of them her and aboSbu and it
wasn't the first time. I'm keeping my
enemies closer baby I'm sorry for not
telling you..."
I'm telling the truth even though its not
half the story its the truth.
She's standing there staring at me with
her beautiful eyes I don't think she knows
she has beautiful eyes. I make a mental
note to make sure to always compliment
and remind her of how beautiful they are
when we're married.
She turned and sank in the car and came
back with Nkazi and Spha.
Me:"Let me hel-"
Her:"Don't you dare come near me!"
She's still mad?! But I just told her the
truth and she's still mad?!!
Me:"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Star I'm
sorry baby I thought I had things under
control but I didn't consider your feelings
and messing things up"
Her:"You slept with her and that's all that
matters. You Nkanyiso cheated on me, on
us, on what we had. I'm done with you"
Had?! Done?!
Me:"No! Hell no!! I won't allow that! Not
now not ever! I love you Star!"
Her:"And that's suppose to make me feel
better? You loving me is suppose to mean
something?"
My head is spinning. She's confusing me.
Isn't me loving her suppose to mean
something? I mean I love her very much
that must count for something right?
 Her:"Siphesihle you gonna stay with your
father or come with me?"
I looked at her she was still in my arms
Her:"I'm going with you"
She quickly pecked my cheek and
wiggled off me. Even my own daughter
doesn't want me! Me:"Nkosazana"
She looked at me with so much disgust a
facial she's never used towards me. I felt
it. I felt that look.
I watched as my family walked away from
me even my own daughter! I've went too
far! Really far! I might as well get with the
funeral preparation
Insert 41
"Bus stop!"
I shout at the driver feeling a little light
headed he's driving is horribly fast and its
making me dizzy if he's not on the yellow
line he's dodging cars like bullets I'm
never setting foot in his taxi ever again!!
He's been nice to me and making jokes
also asking about Nkanyiso nice and all
I'm still never using his taxi!
Him:"Nkosazana"
I hate that name!! There's a disgusting
childish story behind and being called by it
leaves a distasteful taste in my mouth. He
pulls over at the bus stop
Me:"Sho"
Calling me Nkosazana was his way of
saying bye. I hopped off and strolled to my
house. I need a car but then again I can't
drive...
I see Michael's car parked in front of my
gate he didn't go to work today he told me
last night that he had flu so he wouldn't be
coming in.
"Mommy!!"
She runs to me as I close the door
Me:"Hey baby"
Her:"So what did you bring me?"
I'm always expected to bring something
from work so not to disappoint her I
always buy her something. I gave her the
plastic that had goodies.
Me:"Hey lovebirds!"
They were busy smooching each other in
the kitchen. They giggled and let go of
each other
Me:"You guys do know that there are kids
around yeah?"
MrB:"Yes mommy"
He buried me in his arms and kissed my
forehead
Him:"How are you?"
Me:"I'm mad at you for not going to work"
Ntabi:"I told him to go. Hey boo"
We hugged they made things official
cause both caught feelings and I was
happy for them.
Me:"Where's Ruth?"
Him:"We sent her home"
I nodded and went to my room my babies
were fast asleep. Nkazi was slowly turning
his father but I could little of Star there. I
kissed them both I loved my kids so
much!!! All three of them! I took a quick
bath because me and Ntabi were going
out Michael was babysitting. I wore simple
clothes and went to the kitchen
Nta:"I'll quickly go change okay?"
Me:"Okay boo"
She looked at Michael
Her:"Don't miss me too much"
Him:"I'll try not to"
 They smooched as I turned to making
Nkazi's bottles. She left the kitchen
laughing they were clearly happy with
each other.
Mich:"Baby"
Me:"Boo"
Him:"How are you?"
I frowned and looked over at him.
Me:"Someone is getting old, you've
already asked me that"
He chuckled
Him:"I know that but now I want you to be
honest with me. How are you Star?"
I sighed and looked away.
Me:"I don't know"
I said shrugging
my shoulders
Him:"Has he
contacted you?"
I shook my head
Him:"Do you miss him?"
I bit my bottom lip I didn't wanna do this, I
didn't wanna get into my feelings I just
wanna forget everything. Forget about
Nkanyiso even though I see him every
single day through his daughter, I wanted
my feelings for him to vanish because
he's hurt me so much! But its not easy I
hate myself for still loving him, for being
worried about him whether he's safe or
eats wherever he is.
Him:"Don't cry on me now"
He pulled me into his embrace
Me:"I still love him Michael"
Him:"And that's totally normal. Your
feelings for him won't switch off over
night-"
Me:"Its been 2 months!"
 Him:"Don't beat yourself up about this
Star just take your time eventually
everything will fall into place and you'll be
fine okay?"
I nodded pushing my tears back.
Him:"I love you okay?"
Me:"I love you too"
He kissed my forehead.
Him:"Tonight go out have fun meet new
people and give away your number"
I giggled and pushed him back
Me:"So not happening besides we not
going to the club just eating out"
Him:"Whatever!"
I rolled my eyes and went back to Nkazi's
bottles.
Him:"Is he still sending you money?"
I nodded Nkanyiso has been sending me
money twice a month the first time he did
he sent me a text saying its for Sphe but I
found R1500 for Sphe too much a month
it was R3000 way too much!! But I used
some of it getting her new clothes,
pyjamas and shoes not food I bought food
with my own money.
Me:"Today or tomorrow I'll be getting a
bank notification that he sent money"
Him:"I must pull up my socks I'm slacking
in sending you money for Spha"
Me:"What is it with you men and money?!
Kids don't care about money all they want
is love and assurance! Feeding them
money won't give them that! Last night
Sphe asked me about her parents where
they are and I couldn't answer her
because I also don't know they just
dumped me with her and went on with
their lives! What am I Mother Theresa?!"
He chuckled I looked at him. I wasn't
making a joke! What's he chuckling
about?!
Him:"Sorry. You have a beautiful warm
heart Star and that motherly thing so... Let
me rather shut up"
Me:"Yeah do that"
He laughed and came to stand next to
me throwing his arm over my shoulder.
Him:"Tomorrow I'll take them out"
Me:"Don't you gonna confuse them"
Him:"How?! I can't only take Spha what
about Sphe and Skylar?"
Me:"You can take the older ones but not
Skylar he's still young it will be too much"
Him:"Go get ready mother Theresa"
Me:"Fuck you"
I went to get dressed in tight white jeans
with a black long sleeve shirt finished it off
with a white blazer. I took longer than
intended.
I found them yet again in each others
mouths with Ntabi's butt on my counter.
Me:"Get your ass off my counter that's
where we eat!"
I pushed her off
Me:"And stop being dirty! Sphe could've
walked in you guys!"
Michael's hand was deep in Ntabi's dress
I seriously didn't like what they were doing
they can be lovey dovey all they want in
their homes but not here, here I have kids.
Me:"Let's go. Bye Michael!"
Him:"Bye beautiful"
I giggled and winked at him. We left him
with his car Ntabi was driving it
Her:"Are you ready to let loose?"
Me:"No I'm ready to eat and have a glass
of wine or two or maybe 3 or 7"
She cracked up throwing her head back
Her:"Oh well your wish will be my
command and please don't mind my circle
they're stupid and very blunt"
Me:"I'll give them what they give me"
We arrived at this other news café I
followed after her as she led the way I
was seriously gonna give them what they
me I have enough going on to be nursing
people's feelings.
I thought we were gonna be 4 or 5 but
no!! We were 8 I sat down and so did
Ntabi
Her:"Guys this is Star and Star these are
my friends"
It was a mixture of guys and ladies.
Lady:"As in Star?"
 I looked at Ntabi that lady wasn't asking
like Car as in voom no she was asking as
in Thee Star something was clearly
spoken about me.
Ntabi:"Yes Star"
Lady2:"Wow!"
She clapped her hands and drank her
wine. Okay?
Guy:"Hi I'm Nico"
I nodded feeling uneasy.
Lady:"I'm Ntabi's sister"
She said with attitude
Me:"Okay Ntabi's sister"
She chuckled and turned back to her
sister. I took out phone to check my
battery and set an alarm I was leaving
after 45 minutes I was not gonna sit for
this nonsense.
Ntabi couldn't even look at me she called
a waiter we both ordered.
Lady2:"Where's vanilla?"
Nta:"Babysitting"
Guy:"I'm Bandile boo boo"
I faked a smile. I picked up through his
voice he's gay. I turned back to my phone
checking my emails
"So Star what do you do for a living?"
I looked up
Ntabi:"She works together with Michael
now let's get drunk and stop being stuck
up"
I looked at Ntabi I really didn't take her for
a... For this kind of person shame! Now
I'm even doubting her intentions with
Michael.
Our drinks and food came I concentrated
on it more than to the conversation that
was flowing around the table.
Nic:"You're so quite"
He was sitting next to me
Me:"I'm listening to you guys"
Him:"Well get involve"
I giggled and looked back at my food.
Sarah:"Ntabi once mentioned you're a
mommy Star"
Me:"Yeah I am"
Her:"Me too girl I don't even know why
I'm here cause I miss my daughter"
Me:"How old is she?"
Her:"4 months"
We carried on with the conversation Nico
with Bandile got involved too it was
flowing they were nice I give them that
and made me feel welcomed unlike other
people. My alarm went off I switched it
and requested an uber I was seriously
going home.
Nico:"Going home already?"
Me:"Yeah Michael just sent me a
message Skylar is coming down with flu
so I gotta go"
Ntabi:"Really? I'll drive you"
Me:"No babe don't worry I've already
requested an uber don't worry I'm sorted"
I hate fake people!!! I hate them!!!
I exchanged numbers with Sarah and the
other 2 and called the waiter to pay for my
meal.
I got up Ntabi also got up and walked me
out according to her she wanted to see
me drive off safely. Arg!!
Her:"Let me know when you get home
okay?"
I nodded and climbed into the car without
even hugging her goodbye. I really wasn't
about that life.
I knocked...
Him:"What are you doing here?!"
I pushed him aside and walked through
the kids weren't in the lounge. I took off
my boots and threw them aside a glass of
whiskey was on the table I drank it.
Him:"Star what is it?"
Me:"Nothing. Are they sleeping?"
He nodded. I sat down he also sat down
next to me
Him:"What happened?"
Me:"How does Ntabi really feel about
me?"
He looked at me with confusion
Him:"Where's all of this coming from?"
Me:"There they knew me as Thee Star
what's that even suppose to mean?!"
Him:"Oh?"
Oh?! Oh?! Is he seriously saying oh?!
Him:"She was once unsure about you,
about us and stuff. She thought we- that
there was something going on between us
and so forth, because we're so close and
we have a child together even though we
adopted him she didn't believe me when I
said we're just friends"
I sighed so she went on to rant about it to
her friends!!! Arg!!!
Him:"Why?"
Me:"I got a vibe from her circle"
Him:"I'm sorry"
Me:"Its fine"
 I got up and went to the kitchen and
made myself hot chocolate. A bank
notification came in it was Nkanyiso
followed by a "I miss you" message.
I stared at it I wanted to write back that I
miss him too but something was stopping
me. Another one followed.
"How's Sphe?"
I stared at it too
"Please take care of her I don't think I've
got enough time left. Tell her I love her
very much and I love you too please do
find it in your heart to forgive me Star"
Tears ran down my cheeks I quickly
wiped them why was he talking like he
was dying?! Was he seriously about him
dying if I left him? I thought he was
making it up!
"Star?"
I looked up Michael was standing there
Him:"What is it?"
Me:"Nkanyiso Michael.... Nkanyiso"
He pulled me taking the phone from me I
snatched it back
Me:"I need to call him"
Him:"Don't do that!"
He snatched it from me.
Him:"Wipe those tears off Star and pull
yourself together, crying to him will give
him the satisfaction"
I took deep breaths wiping my tears off.
He gave me my phone back
Him:"Loudspeaker"
I nodded it rang once
"Baby"
He groaned my breath got stuck in my
throat
Him:"Baby"
Me:"Hey"
I held my chest as tears filled my eyes
Michael gave me a deadly look.
Him:"I miss you Star"
He groaned again it wasn't your normal
groaning
Me:"Are you okay?"
Him:"I'll be fine"
Me:"Oh?"
Him:"Bullet wounds nothing I can't
handle. Is Sphe already sleeping?"
My heart stopped beating for a few I held
onto the counter trying to balance myself
Michael held me. I couldn't say anything I
tried opening my mouth but nothing came
out.
Him:"Star? Baby are you still there?"
I nodded forgetting he couldn't see me.
 Mike:"Yeah she's asleep erh Star is in
shock don't think she'll be able to utter a
word"
Nka:"Michael? Why-.... Oh o-kay. Take
care of my family Michael I'm leaving
them in your hands-"
Mike:"Don't speak like that you're scaring
Star Nkanyiso"
He went quiet on the other side. He's
been shot.... Nkanyiso was shot! Why
doesn't he open up to me?!! Why doesn't
he ever tell me what's happening in his
life?!!
Me:"Baby"
It slipped out of my mouth
Him:"Sthandwa sami"
Me:"What's going on?"
Him:"I love you"
Me:"Why are you leaving me with Sphe?"
 Him:"Because I know you'll raise her right
and love her unconditionally, don't worry
about money everything that I own will
come to you even my house so you'll be
able to take care of her"
Me:"Stop!!! Please Nkanyiso! I'll take you
back! Come back to me and we'll fix
things just don't! Don't leave your
daughter please baby"
He went quiet sobs escaping my lips as I
was on my knees holding my stomach. He
couldn't do this to me! To us! To his
daughter! He couldn't just give up and
leave her like that!!!
Him:"Be careful okay? Stay away from
my friends don't even look their way
okay? I love you so much Star... So
fucking much"
Me:"Nkanyiso.... You have kids-"
Him:"Don't worry I'm leaving something for
them that's if they're mine. My family will
handle the matter. Tell Sphe I love her
please"
Me:"Nkanyiso..."
Him:"My heart"
More sobs escaped
Him:"Please take care of yourself
sthandwa sami ngiyakuthanda Star
seNkosi-"
Me:"Please don't do this"
Him:"Take care of my family Michael"
Mich:"Ye- yeah I will"
Me:"Nkanyiso baby I love you don't -"
He hung up
Me:"No. No. No"
I tried calling him again with tears running
down my face and my hands shaking. It
sent me straight to voicemail, I tried again
but nothing.
A painful scream rolled out of my mouth
Michael enveloped me in his arms holding
me tight.
Me:"Nkanyiso!!! Nkanyiso!!!!"
Insert 42
"Stop being so evil Teddy"
I looked at my sister who was holding a
tray that had food with my medication on
the side. I wish she can eat the food
instead of me she used to be thicker than
this. I placed my phone aside pulling
myself up I was shirtless with bandages
crossing my upper body.
Me:"Stay out of this"
Her:"No! You're torturing the poor girl!"
I looked at her with a straight face she
needed to stay out of this.
Her:"Here's your food"
I took the tray from her
Me:"Thanks"
Her:"Our brothers won't tell you this but
someone has to, you're a pig Teddy. A
pig! You don't do this to someone you
claim to love. You just don't!"
Me:"Come here"
Her:"No you're gonna hit me. You're
gonna hit me for telling the truth"
I looked at her trying very hard to stay
calm I've got a very nosey sister who likes
sticking her nose where it doesn't belong
and now she was doing exactly that!
Me:"This is the only way I'll get her back"
Her:"By lying and yet again putting her
through pain!"
 Me:"You know nothing and yini?I'm done
talking to you! You're a woman so stay in
your place"
I said pointing at her
"What's going on here?!"
That was mom she got inside the room
Me:"Yilento yakho"
Her:"Nkanyiso!"
Me:"No ma! She must stop putting her
nose in my business"
Sis:"You don't have no business!"
She shouted over mom's shoulder. I
looked at mom
Her:"Go! And that's no way to talk to your
brother he's still older than you"
She stuck her tongue out at me and
walked out. She's so annoying and
childish too! Mom sat down on the bed.
Me:"Are the kids okay?"
Her:"Yes they're fine we're still waiting for
the results Ntombi was asking about you
last night but I said we don't know where
you are"
I nodded Ntombi has already given birth
to 2 girls and a boy I had asked my family
to take care of her after a week Star broke
things off with me those were still my
babies or so I thought....
Her:"When are you gonna stop hurting
this poor girl?"
Me:"I love her you don't give up on
people you love-"
Her:"You let them go if you can't protect
and nurture them"
Him:"I'm gonna die if I let go of her I've
already been shot-"
Her:"Not because of her! It wasn't her fault
Nkanyiso its yours. You got yourself into
this you're just like your father
inconsiderate of other peoples feelings.
Very selfish!"
She got up
Me:"Ma?"
Her:"Yini?!"
Me:"Hawu ma?"
Her:"Yini Nkanyiso?"
I stared at her she looked far away from
me I pulled her hand and she sat back
down.
Me:"I'm sorry its just that I love her and
I'm afraid of losing her, besides those
guys will kill me I'm nothing without her.
She has showed me the beauty of life in
just a few months and to think I messed
everything up.... This is the only way I
know how to fix things"
She patted my hands
Her:"But in the process of doing so you're
hurting her even more"
Me:"Tell me how to fix things"
I tightly held her hands I hate how she's
my weakness because I hate being weak.
Her:"Its too late..."
I could see the tears in her eyes.
Me:"Ma"
She patted my hands again and got up
Her:"Let me go check on ubaba"
She walked out so quick it looked like she
was running away from me or something.
I honestly don't know how to fix things one
minute I was on top of the world winning
17k because I got the woman of my
dreams next I'm a dead man walking...
"Ntwana"
I looked up at him I'm shocked to see him
here he hates this farm I hate it too but its
the best place to hide from trouble or
stress.
Me:"Sharp"
He sat down next to me and turned the
heater to him. Its been raining here mom
and my sister went to the nearby small
town to buy some stuff the husbands
tagged along leaving all alone.

Him:"Grand
?"
Me:"Standa
rd"
He nodded.
Him:"Just came to drop off your
goods your boys have been
doing a good job" I nodded. At
least they were still working even
though I wasn't around.
 Him:"Took a turn to check on mommy
she's still okay that white boy was there"
Me:"Thanks man"
One thing I'm positive about is Star's love
for me I know she'll never cheat on me
she still wants me I know her weaknesses
and I was gonna feed off on them to win
her back.
Him:"Nka ndoda"
Me:"Sho"
Him:"You can't hide forever ngithi go
back to Star tell her the truth... Not
everything Nkanyiso you can't tell her
about the doctor you paid off she'll kill you
ndoda-"
Me:"I know what not to tell and that's the
first on the list"
Him:"Yeah tell her the not heavy shit so
she can take you back or at least pretend
like you're back together whilst we try to
strategize our move"
I looked at him this one doesn't know Star
she won't take me... Unless... Unless!
Yes!!
Me:"Load my stuff in your car we're
leaving"
Him:"Haibo!"
Me:"Go before those two come back"
Him:"I'm not your boy voetsek go fetch
your own shit"
Me:"Give me my heater back!"
Him:"Take it!"
It was still in front of him
Me:"Just go load my shit or else I'm
telling mom about the pregnancy"
He looked at me I kept a straight face. He
got up
Him:"Bitch!"
Me:"That's what you are!"
I said throwing the cushion at him as he
walked to my room. He turned and
showed me the middle finger...
After 4 hours of my brother's horrible
driving we were parked in front of Star's
house the lights were off but the TV was
on. This was it do or die
Me:"If I don't come back after 30 minutes
leave"
Him:"I'd crash at your place but nah"
I chuckled
Me:"Let me know where you at"
He nodded
Me:"I love you"
Him:"Dude stop I'm straight"
I laughed punching his shoulder
Me:"Fuck you"
I got out and limped to the gate it wasn't
locked this one is still careless!
I knocked I heard some moving
"Who is it?"
My heart beat accelerated in full speed.
That voice. Damn this woman
Me:"Baby"
I heard her beautiful gasp how can a
gasp sound so beautiful? She quickly
opened for me I quickly went im and
closed the door.
Her:"Nkanyiso?"
She whispered her juicy lips forming a O
Me:"Baby?"
She made her way to me but stopped on
her tracks probably remembering we
weren't on good terms but in doing so she
was breaking my heart. Why is she
stopping?! I moved closer but she moved
back I moved closer again.
Her:"What are you doing here? Sphe is
asleep-"
Me:"Ngifuna wena"
Her:"Ufunani kimi?"
Me:"Ngifuna uthando lwakho. Ngifuna
intombi yami back"
Her:"Uzama ungishela yini?"
Me:"Is it working?"
Her:"No"
That was so cold. Is she really gonna let
a woman get between what we shared?
Me:"Star"
Her:"Please leave"
I didn't notice until she wiped her tears off
that she was crying. I quickly got hold of
her
Her:"Let me go Nkanyiso!"
Me:"No"
Her:"Let go of me!"
She cried out. I held her tighter
Her:"It hurts! It hurts Nkanyiso!!"
My grip wasn't tight so I wasn't hurting
her in that. Her cries were painfully
piercing through my ears she's torturing
me.
Her:"I hate you!! I hate you so much!! I
hat-"
I pressed my lips on hers shutting her up I
couldn't take it hearing her say she hates
me torn me. I held the small thick hands
that were trying to push me away. I'm not
going anywhere! I roughly pushed her to
the wall and held her hands above her
head
Her:"Nkanyiso!"
Me:"I fucken missed you"
I kissed her beautiful lips running my free
hand on her meaty body.
Her:"Plea-"
She crumbled in my hands I felt her body
relaxing as she melted away her lips
flexing against mine this sure felt like
home.
My hand moved inside her gown and
went down to her princess I had to act fast
before she gains conscious back, I moved
the lace to the side and allowed my
fingers to do the magic. I received the
most beautiful moan from her that made
my groin stiffen I continued moving my
fingers receiving nothing but sweet
sounds from her. I let go of her hands
because she was exactly where I wanted
her to be weak and hopeless, I tried
getting a finger inside her warmth but she
held my hand, I pulled away and went
back to it but she yet again held digging
her fingers into my wrist.
Her:"Leave"
She was breathing heavily lust written all
over her face. I thought I had this!! I had
her!!
Me:"I love you"
Her:"Leave Nkanyiso"
She sounded so damn serious and cold it
took me back to the Star who wanted
nothing to do with me because I was a
taxi driver. I moved back giving her some
space I won't force her. I fixed the great
track pants I was wearing shit was I hard.
Me:"Can I spend the night its late and I
used a cab to get here so... Please"
She stared at me with those dragon eyes
that looked super cute.
Her:"Get a cab again"
Me:"I don't have money on me"
Her:"I'll pay for it"
Dammit!!
Me:"Star please can I just wake up here
so I can be the first person Sphe wakes
up to? Please"
She sighed a moved away
Her:"Fine! Spare room and don't you dare
try anything funny!"
We'll see about that! I nodded I knew my
way around the house so I didn't need
much help. After taking a cold shower I
went back to the room I found her placing
blankets on the bed
Me:"Thanks"
She gasped and looking everywhere but
not at me. I was naked she has seen it all
hiding it would be useless.
Her:"Yeah"
 She had to pass me to get out I was
standing near the door.
Her:"Goo-"
I held her arm as she tried passing
Her:"Nka please"
It came out as a whisper
Me:"Please what?"
Her eyes moved down to my groin I felt it
stiffen she was still staring at it.
Me:"Its yours"
She looked up at me licking her lips the
lust that was in her eyes was too much I
wanted her too! I pulled her to me
Her:"It used to be mine but then I started
sharing it with T"
She pulled away
Her:"Goodnight Nkanyiso"
 She walked out leaving me standing
there
Insert 43
I'm pacing up and down in my room whilst
Nkanyiso is in the other I'm hot and
bothered I could give in and let him make
me feel good and it won't mean we're
okay but it would blur the lines I've
created. I don't even know his status or
how many other people he has slept with!
I still love him I still do but he doesn't
respect me, he doesn't see me at all! I
can't be with someone who's like that. I
just can't!
I needed water but I was scared to go out
of my room Nkanyiso is the guy mom
warned me about to stay away from he's
dangerous! After calming down and
ignoring the ache I got into bed with my
babies I knew I wasn't gonna fall asleep
with Nkanyiso in the other room.
 The following morning I woke up extra
early even though I hardly slept I made
soft porridge just to pass time
"Hey"
I looked up he was shirtless with badges
going over his upper body my heart
stopped. Without thinking I made way to
him
Me:"Oh my God Nkanyiso! What
happened?!"
I tried touching him but he held my hands
I was freaking out.
Him:"Hey I'm fine now-"
Me:"What happened?!"
Him:"I told you they are after me they
want me dead I escaped this I don't know
about next time"
I swallowed hard and moved back. So its
my fault? I got him shot for not taking him
back? Wow!
Me:"Erh help yourself with soft porridge"
I walked away because my emotions
were all over the place I took deep
breaths my phone rang it was Michael
Me:"Hey"
I whispered
Him:"Hey how did you sleep?"
Me:"Okay. You?"
Him:"Hardly slept. You don't sound okay
why are you whispering?"
I took a deep breath
Me:"Nkanyiso is here"
Him:"What?!"
Me:"Yeah he arrived here last night"
Him:"He slept over?"
Me:"Yeah"
He went quiet I checked the phone and
he was still on the line.
Me:"Michael?"
Him:"Did you talk things through?"
Me:"There's nothing to talk about-"
Him:"I'm coming"
Me:"What?!"
Him:"I'm coming Star"
He hung up leaving me in confusion why
was he coming? Its not even 6 yet! Its way
too early!! No wonder Ntabi doesn't trust
us Michael is too involved in my business
I need to set boundaries.
"Star?!"
I swallowed hard. It was Nkanyiso outside
my door
Me:"Yeah?"
Him:"Must I dish up for you too?"
Me:"No I'm fine"
Him:"Can't eat alone"
I opened the door.
Me:"I won't be able to stomach anything
sorry"
He nodded.
Him:"Is she still asleep?"
I nodded. This was becoming awkward
we were just standing there staring at the
walls.
Him:"Can you join me in the kitchen I
wanna tell you something?"
Me:"Nkanyiso its stil-"
Him:"Please this is important"
I sighed and I nodded. I followed after
him to the kitchen checking his firm butt
out I just wanted to grab it. I took a seat
across him he looked nervous which
made me nervous
Him:"First time I saw you I already knew
about you what I didn't know was your
beauty and the warmth of your heart. You
opened for me even though you weren't
ready, you took a risk and threw away
your standards and values not knowing
you were giving it all away for someone
who was in your life because of a stupid
bet..."
He tried touching my hands but I moved
them away with the biggest lump in my
throat.
Him:"The first was you sleeping with me
and it happened after that I couldn't stay
away because you tasted and still do so
good"
He chuckled I didn't find it
funny at all!!! I felt less of a
woman Him:"The second bet
was you staying with me and-
... And marrying me"
A gasp escaped my lips my chest closing
in on me.
 Him:"I love you Star I really do so much
I've never felt like this about anyone.
You're different and I love that about you
my intentions from the start were never
good but then things changed and I fell
really hard for you"
I watched him burry his head in his
hands, I could feel the tears running down
my chest
Him:"Me proposing was part of the
second bet I can't tell you what the prize
was but I have these gun wounds
because I couldn't stay true to the bet and
some other things I can't tell you about.
They're now out for my blood they want to
kill me Star unless I'm back with you,
you're the only person who can get me
out of this"
I got up with my hand pressing my chest
down this was too much! So it was all a
lie! Our love was a lie!
Him:"The pregnancy..."
I looked at him
Me:"What?"
My voice was shallow
Him:"Nothing"
Me:"Nkanyiso"
Him:"I had to sacrifice our baby because-
"
Me:"You- you- you killed my baby?"
I was breathing heavily tears and snot
running down my face this wasn't the time
to be cute.
Him:"If I didn't they were gonna do i-"
Me:"You killed our baby Nkanyiso!!!"
He quickly got up and made his way to
me without thinking I grabbed the closest
thing to me and threw it at him but he
ducked.
Me:"You killed our baby!!!"
Him:"I'm sorry!!"
Me:"You- you"
Him:"I didn't have a choice! I'm sorry Star
I am so sorry"
Tears were running down his cheeks. He
says he didn't have a choice but a person
always has a choice but they choose the
reckless road!
Me:"Get out of my house"
Him:"Baby plea-"
Me:"Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. House"
He stared at me
Me:"Now!!!!!"
I started throwing whatever I could find at
him. I hate him!!! I hate Nkanyiso!!! I
pushed him out of my house and locked
the door. How can one be so cruel? How
can someone be so deadly?! To think
I shared a bed with someone like that
killed the little spirit that was left in me. He
killed his own child causing me to be-... To
be... Oh my God!! Does he hate me that
much that he'd do all of this to me?! I gave
him my all!! My all!!
I was still on the floor crying my heart out
when I heard a knock and a push to the
door but it was locked.
"Star?!"
It was Michael I went to open for him.
Him:"Wha-"
He pulled me into his arms and allowed
me to sob in his arms loud sobs were
coming out of my mouth I couldn't control
them. To think I had to attend therapy
because of Nkanyiso's doings and he still
expect me to take him back?!!
Michael held my shoulders
Him:"Don't do this Star you're breaking
my heart"
I shook my head still crying. He pulled me
to the couch and made me sit down
leaving me there alone he soon came
back with water
Him:"Drink"
It was sugar water
I tried drinking it my hands were shaking
Me:"It hurts Michael"
I was holding my heart
Him:"Is it bad? Must I take you to the
hospital?"
I shook my head. This idiot!
Me:"Emotional pain Michael "
Him:"Oh?!"
He sat next to me and hugged me.
Him:"Don't worry things will work out just
hang in there okay"
I shook my head as tears whelmed up.
Me:"It hurts so bad"
Him:"I'm sorry "
I pulled back and kissed him but he
pushed me away. I kissed him again but
he yet again pushed me away
Him:"What are you doing?!"
I pulled him and locked lips he kissed me
back I held onto him as he pulled me
closer, the kiss felt good and it was
escalating fast because he kept pulling
me and it was doing things to me. He
pulled back
Him:"We can't do this-"
Me:"Make me forget please. I just wanna
for-"
He crushed his lips on mine pushing me
back on the couch I welcome him in
between my legs.
Him:"Fuck Star"
His crotch was directly on missy I moved
my waist in circular motion I wanted this, I
badly wanted it.
In seconds I was naked with Michael's
head buried between my thighs my hand
tightly gripping his hair I was pulling and
pushing him. White boy can use his
tongue. My legs started shaking violently
with my breath getting stuck in my throat.
Me:"Michael!!! Its com-"
He stopped making me pull my head up I
looked at him and he was staring at me. I
was in pain the ache was paining
Me:"Michael"
Him:"Yes?"
Me:"Please"
I felt his finger slip in I cried out throwing
my head back he pulled out
Him:"I wanna see you"
I looked at him as he did wonders with his
fingers I couldn't take it no more. It came
down crashing my legs shaking I was
screaming.
I was breathing heavily
Me:"Water"
I heard him chuckle before passing the
sugar water I drank them my legs were
numb I could see his boner.
Him:"Don't worry about me I'll be fine"
I nodded and tried getting up but my legs
couldn't carry me they were numb with a
swift move I was up as big as I was
Michael was carrying me. He took me to
the spare room
 Him:"Don't worry i I'll look after the kids
rest"
I nodded and looked at him.
Him:"Stop worrying Star this won't
change anything we'll remain good friends
"
I signed. Thank goodness!!
Insert 44
I woke up with the most excruciating
headache ever my eyes were itching and
pretty heavy from all the crying I did its
official I hate men! All of them! Rather I
focus on my career and kids men can wait
and never happen again. After crying my
heart out I dragged myself to the
bathroom and took a bath I went to get
dressed in my room the kids weren't
there.
I found everyone in the lounge Ntabi was
also there in Michael's arm I felt weird well
guilty what I did was wrong I'm just like
Ntombi I knew very well that Michael has
Ntabi but I still wanted him to make me
forget. I swallowed and greeted them I
picked up Spha that's my first baby
Mike:"You up?"
I nodded
Nta:"Everything will work out babe if it
was meant to be he'll be back"
And then?
Me:"I'm done with men they leave a bitter
taste in my mouth"
Nta:"I guess I'm lucky then"
She said cuddling into Michael's chest we
looked at each other he was giving me the
pity eyes I hate that! I looked at Ntabi
Me:"You are and if you dare play him I'll
kill you myself Ntabi"
 I was dead serious she's not my favourite
person because of how she spoke about
me behind my back, what people say
about you behind your back its how they
truly feel about you. I got up and went to
the kitchen my phone was laying there I
took it and wrote Nkanyiso a message but
he decided to call. I didn't answer nor did
he stop
Me:"What?!"
Him:"Are you serious?"
Me:"I'm dead serious I want nothing to do
with you and I want you as far as possible
away from me, having Sphe will make
things jiggy so its best you take her and
get out of my life"
Him:"She's innocent in this"
Me:"So am I but here I am sobbing. I'll
start packing her stuff"
I hung up and balanced with the sink my
eyes burning with tears I didn't wanna let
go of her but having her around means
having Nkanyiso in my life and I don't
want him in it.
"Hey"
I looked at him
Me:"Hi"
Him:"Was that Nkanyiso?"
I nodded
Me:"I'm done with him"
Him:"You didn't tell me what he did"
Me:"I don't wanna talk about it"
He sighed and nodded
Him:"Ntabi wants me to take her to the
salon will you manage?"
Me:"If I said no you gonna stay?"
Him:"Yes"
I chuckled
Me:"You're crazy. Go I'll be fine but
Michael you need to stop this, jumping
every time I need you or-"
Him:"That's what friends are for being
there for one another you're there when I
need you why can't I do the same?"
Me:"You're always going the extra mile
and your girlfriend is thinking otherwise.
Please let's stop"
He sighed
Him:"Whatever Star"
He kissed my forehead and gave me a
hug.
Him:"I'll come back later"
Me:"Don't"
Him:"I'll come back later"
"She said don't Michael"
 It was Ntabi she was standing at the door
frame. How long has she been standing
there?!
Mike:"And I said I'll come back later. Now
let's go"
Me:"I won't be here I'm leaving and I'm
not telling where I'm going"
Him:"What?! You're running"
Me:"I'm not running away I need fresh air"
Him:"Are you serious Star"
I just stared at him
Him:"Is this about this morning? Us? I
told you not to wor-"
Me:"This has nothing to do with yo-"
Ntabi:"Us? What happened this morning?"
Mike:"Stay out of this Ntabi"
Her:"Don't tell me to stay out of this
you're cheating on me wi-"
Him:"I'm not cheating on you! Nothing
happened between us! For once trust me!
I helped a friend out this morning who was
going through shit-"
Me:"Guys please! Can we not do this?
Ntabi nothing is going on between us and
nothing will ever happen, I'm moving
because... I can't show my face around
here, that rank... I can't I'll sell the house
whilst renting a place I just can't be
around this area"
Mike:"I thought you were gonna leave
town"
I shook my head
Him:"You can come stay with me whilst
searching for a place"
Us:"No!!!"
I looked at her me and Michael both
looked at her
Her:"Well..."
Me:"Thanks but no thanks Michael. You
guys need to move"
Her:"Yeah erh babe we'll be late"
He stared at me for long before shaking
his head
Him:"We'll talk about this we have a child
together"
He pulled Ntabi out with him, he was just
being difficult for nonsense! I was moving
and not telling him. He'll be seeing me at
work and that's it we've already blurred
lines I just wanted some distance between
us.
I went to pack our bags and everything of
Sphe's
Sphe:"So where are we going?"
She sat on the carpet crossing her legs
Me:"You're visiting your dad"
She jumped up
Her:"Really?!"
She was beaming excitement spread out
on her beautiful face I nodded with a smile
Her:"Spha is coming with right?!"
I sighed shaking my head. She frowned
Her:"Why not? When he went to his dad I
went with him now I'm going to my dad
and he isn't coming with?"
I sighed
Me:"Because his dad will be taking him to
the doctor for his check up maybe next
time"
She sighed and nodded
Her:"Maybe next time"
Me:"Now come help me daddy is coming"
She excitedly jumped to help in packing
her clothes not knowing she wasn't
coming back here and that she might
never see me again. I hated how she was
being moved from one place to the next if
it was possible I was gonna take her but
Nkanyiso loves his daughter that he'll
always want to be around and I don't want
him around me.
After packing we went to take another
bath together and painted our nails
sipping on juice talking about dresses and
stuff. I did our make up and dressed us up
we took pictures together until Nkazi got
jealous and cried for me.
Her:"He's so jealous!"
I giggled
Me:"I know right"
Her:"Girl!"
I laughed she heard that on TV and she's
been calling me that since I said we'll
have a girls day no boys disturbance.
There was a knock on the door
Her:"I need to pee"
She ran away to the bathroom whilst I
went to open the door with Skylar on my
hip.
Arg I just hate this guy!
Me:"She's in the bathroom"
I allowed him to get in. I shouldn't but I
did!
Him:"You look beautiful"
Me:"I know"
He stared at me
Me:"I'll fetch her bags"
I placed Skylar on the couch and went to
the room bumping into Sphe on the way
she ran to the lounge screaming "daddy"
I pulled her suitcase and took the other
bag with. My heart was in pieces I didn't
want her to go but she had to.
Her:"Daddy says you don't want me here"
I gasped looking at Nkanyiso why would
he tell her that?!! Whats wrong with him?!
I sat down and tried pulling her to my lap
but she yanked herself.
Me:"That's not true"
Her:"You lying!!"
Me:"Sphesihle!"
She played with her fingers tears running
down her cheeks.
Her:"Did I do something wrong?"
My heart broke
Me:"Of course not baby"
Her:"Then why are you chasing me
away? Is it because you not my real
mommy?"
Me:"Sphe no! No!"
I pulled her to my lap she was now crying
I rocked her on my lap
Me:"I'm not chasing you away baby. Me
and your daddy... Daddy hurt me really
bad so now we no longer together so
daddy is moving so he's taking you with-"
Her:"But I wanna stay with you"
I closed my eyes as tears burned my
eyes she was crying holding onto me. I
opened my eyes and looked at Nkanyiso.
I hate him so much!!!
I rocked her until she was calmer
Me:"You'll visit okay and we'll have our
girl time with no disturbance from anyone,
go shopping paint our nails, do our hair
everything! Do you want that?"
She nodded.
Me:"I love you okay? Never forget that"
She nodded
Her:"I love you"
I giggled and kissed her cheeks.
Me:"I'm gonna give you my lucky charm
necklace always wear it okay that way
mommy will be right here"
I held her heart she nodded I locked it
around her neck and gave her a tight hug.
Me:"I love you baby"
She nodded. She got off my lap and went
to her father I got up pushing back tears.
She's the daughter I'll never have at least
I got a taste of how it would be like to
have a daughter. Nkanyiso took her bags
Sphe went to fetch her backpack.
Him:"She loves you"
Me:"I love her too pity she has a father
like you"
Him:"They were gonna rip our baby out
Star you could've died I was avoiding that,
I was trying to protect you not knowing I
was causing more damage. I should've
told you I should've been honest with you
but I wasn't. I'm so sorry Star... I'm sorry"
Tears ran down his cheeks he went down
on his knees pleading with me to forgive
me.
Him:"I'm not saying take me back cause
its clear I've lost you but please forgive
me. I never meant to hurt you Star I love
you but my greed got in the way and for
that I'll pay and its fine I deserve it"
"Daddy I'm ready to go. Why are you
crying?"
He got up and quickly wiped his tears.
Him:"Its nothing baby say bye to mommy
so we can go"
Her:"Can't we stay?"
Him:"Sphe please"
Her:"Okay. Bye mommy I'll miss you"
We shared a warm hug I didn't wanna let
go of her but yeah.
I closed the door and slid down against it
holding my stomach not wanting to
scream, I was chocking on my tears with
my heart in ashes and my future blurry.
Maybe just maybe I must stop attaching
myself to people cause they always leave
me