Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

In recent years, there has been a growing debate on whether eating meat is ethically
acceptable. While some people believe that consuming meat is completely wrong, I disagree
with this viewpoint to a large extent. In this essay, I will outline the reasons for my stance
and provide relevant examples, focusing on the situation in Vietnam.

To begin with, it is crucial to acknowledge that the topic of eating meat is not a simple matter
and has many layers. Meat has been a fundamental source of protein and nutrients for
centuries, and its consumption has played an important role in the diets of many cultures. In
Vietnam, for example, meat is a crucial component of traditional cuisine and is often served
during social gatherings and festivities. Therefore, it would be unfair to dismiss the act of
eating meat as inherently wrong without taking into account the cultural and historical
contexts in which it is consumed. As a result, it is essential to understand that eating meat is
a complex issue that involves a variety of factors, including cultural practices, dietary needs,
and personal beliefs.

Moreover, the meat industry is a vital source of livelihood for millions of people across the
world, including farmers, butchers, and restaurant employees. In Vietnam, livestock farming
plays a significant role in the country's economy and provides ample employment
opportunities for a considerable number of individuals. By advocating for the total cessation
of meat consumption, we may overlook the socioeconomic impact on these people and their
communities.

In conclusion, while I respect the ethical concerns raised by those who oppose eating meat, I
believe that it is essential to adopt a more nuanced approach to this issue. Rather than
condemning meat consumption outright, we should prioritize the promotion of sustainable
and ethical practices within the meat industry. By doing so, we can ensure the welfare of
animals, support local economies, and respect cultural traditions.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: "In recent years, there has been a growing debate on whether eating meat is
ethically acceptable. While some people believe that consuming meat is completely wrong, I
disagree with this viewpoint to a large extent. In this essay, I will outline the reasons for my
stance and provide relevant examples, focusing on the situation in Vietnam.

Explanation: The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's position, setting the
stage for the discussion to follow.

Improved Example: "The debate surrounding the ethical implications of meat consumption
has gained momentum in recent years, with some advocating for its complete abolition.
While I understand the concerns raised by this perspective, I believe that a more nuanced
approach is necessary. In this essay, I will explore the reasons why I disagree with the
notion that eating meat is inherently wrong, drawing on the cultural, economic, and ethical
dimensions of this complex issue."

Main Point 1: "To begin with, it is crucial to acknowledge that the topic of eating meat is not
a simple matter and has many layers. Meat has been a fundamental source of protein and
nutrients for centuries, and its consumption has played an important role in the diets of many
cultures. In Vietnam, for example, meat is a crucial component of traditional cuisine and is
often served during social gatherings and festivities. Therefore, it would be unfair to dismiss
the act of eating meat as inherently wrong without taking into account the cultural and
historical contexts in which it is consumed. As a result, it is essential to understand that
eating meat is a complex issue that involves a variety of factors, including cultural practices,
dietary needs, and personal beliefs.

Explanation: This point effectively highlights the cultural and historical significance of meat
consumption, emphasizing the need to consider these factors when evaluating its ethical
implications.

Improved Example: "The cultural and historical significance of meat consumption cannot be
overlooked. In many societies, meat has been a staple food for centuries, providing essential
nutrients and serving as a symbol of social status and celebration. In Vietnam, for instance,
meat is deeply ingrained in traditional cuisine and is often consumed during special
occasions and family gatherings. To dismiss meat consumption as inherently wrong would
be to ignore the rich cultural and historical contexts in which it has been practiced for
generations."

Main Point 2: "Moreover, the meat industry is a vital source of livelihood for millions of
people across the world, including farmers, butchers, and restaurant employees. In Vietnam,
livestock farming plays a significant role in the country's economy and provides ample
employment opportunities for a considerable number of individuals. By advocating for the
total cessation of meat consumption, we may overlook the socioeconomic impact on these
people and their communities.

Explanation: This point raises the important issue of the economic impact of the meat
industry, highlighting the potential consequences of a complete ban on meat consumption.

Improved Example: "Furthermore, the meat industry is a significant contributor to global

employment and economic growth. In Vietnam, livestock farming employs millions of people,
providing a vital source of income for families and communities. By advocating for the
complete abolition of meat consumption, we must consider the potential socioeconomic
consequences for these individuals and their communities. A more nuanced approach that
balances ethical concerns with economic considerations is necessary."

Conclusion: "In conclusion, while I respect the ethical concerns raised by those who
oppose eating meat, I believe that it is essential to adopt a more nuanced approach to this
issue. Rather than condemning meat consumption outright, we should prioritize the
promotion of sustainable and ethical practices within the meat industry. By doing so, we can
ensure the welfare of animals, support local economies, and respect cultural traditions.

Explanation: The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay and
reiterates the writer's position, emphasizing the need for a balanced approach to the issue.

Improved Example: "In conclusion, while I understand the ethical concerns surrounding
meat consumption, I believe that a more nuanced approach is necessary. By promoting
sustainable and ethical practices within the meat industry, we can address the ethical
concerns while also supporting local economies and respecting cultural traditions. This
approach acknowledges the complexities of the issue and seeks to find a balance between
ethical considerations and practical realities."

Overall, the essay provides a well-reasoned and balanced discussion of the issue of eating
meat, taking into account the cultural, economic, and ethical dimensions of this complex
topic. By presenting a nuanced perspective and emphasizing the need for a balanced
approach, the essay effectively argues against the complete abolition of meat consumption.
Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question by
presenting a clear stance on the ethical acceptability of eating meat and discussing the
extent to which the author agrees with the statement. The author acknowledges the
opposing viewpoint but ultimately disagrees to a large extent, providing reasons and
examples to support their position.

How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the author could consider providing more explicit
acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint and perhaps offer a brief counterargument
before presenting their stance. This would demonstrate a more thorough engagement with
the complexity of the issue.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, as
the author consistently argues against the notion that eating meat is completely wrong. Each
paragraph reinforces this stance, providing reasons and examples to support it.

How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the author could explicitly state their position
in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, ensuring that each
paragraph directly relates to and supports the central argument would enhance coherence.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with
relevant examples and explanations. Each paragraph introduces a new aspect of the
argument and provides sufficient elaboration and support.

How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author could consider including more varied
and detailed examples to further illustrate their points. Additionally, providing statistics or
scholarly references could enhance the credibility of the argument.

Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the ethical
acceptability of eating meat and related issues such as cultural practices, economic impacts,
and sustainable practices within the meat industry. However, there is a minor deviation when
discussing the importance of meat in Vietnamese cuisine, which may be slightly tangential to
the main argument.

How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, the author could briefly acknowledge the
cultural significance of meat in the introduction but then promptly steer the discussion back
to the ethical dimension of the topic. This would prevent the essay from veering off into less
relevant territory.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively presents a
coherent argument against the complete condemnation of meat consumption. By refining the
acknowledgment of opposing viewpoints, reinforcing clarity, enriching examples, and
maintaining focus, the essay could further enhance its overall effectiveness and coherence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical

organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the writer's stance, followed by
two well-developed body paragraphs that present distinct arguments supported by relevant
examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new
information. Each paragraph logically progresses from one point to the next, enhancing the
overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: While the logical organization is strong, ensuring a smoother transition
between paragraphs could further enhance coherence. Consider using transitional phrases
or sentences to connect ideas more seamlessly and guide the reader through the essay's
structure.

Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure its content.
Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, beginning with a clear topic
sentence and followed by supporting details and examples. The paragraphs are well-
developed and contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph
maintains a unified theme and avoids introducing unrelated ideas. Additionally, varying the
length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs can enhance readability and
engagement.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices to connect
ideas and enhance coherence. Examples include cohesive devices such as transition words
('To begin with,' 'Moreover,' 'In conclusion') and pronouns ('it,' 'its,' 'we') that refer back to
previously mentioned concepts. These devices help maintain a smooth flow of information
and guide the reader through the essay's structure.

How to improve: While the essay effectively utilizes cohesive devices, incorporating a
greater variety of transitions and pronouns can further enhance cohesion. Additionally,
consider using cohesive devices more consistently throughout the essay to strengthen the
connections between ideas and improve overall coherence.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary,

incorporating diverse terms such as "ethically acceptable," "dismiss," "advocating,"
"cessation," "socioeconomic impact," and "nuanced approach." These lexical choices
contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic, illustrating the author's ability to express
complex ideas effectively.

How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong vocabulary, enhancing the specificity
and depth of terminology could elevate the lexical richness further. For instance, instead of
using broad terms like "important role," consider employing more precise descriptors such as
"integral role" or "pivotal significance" to convey a deeper understanding and sophistication.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, particularly
in phrases like "crucial component," "fundamental source," and "ample employment
opportunities." These terms accurately convey the intended meanings and contribute to the
clarity and coherence of the argument.

How to improve: While the precision of vocabulary usage is notable, occasional instances
of vague or repetitive terminology are observed. For instance, the repetition of "essential" in
the concluding paragraph ("essential to adopt," "essential to prioritize") could be substituted
with alternative expressions to avoid redundancy and enhance lexical variety. Utilizing
synonyms or exploring more nuanced language choices can enrich the expression and
depth of the essay.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy, with no
noticeable errors detracting from the overall readability or coherence of the text. Each term is
spelled correctly, contributing to the professionalism and credibility of the writing.

How to improve: Given the absence of spelling errors, the focus should shift towards
maintaining this level of accuracy consistently. Engaging in regular proofreading practices,
utilizing spell-check tools, and paying careful attention to spelling conventions can further
reinforce the accuracy and correctness of written expression. Additionally, expanding
exposure to diverse vocabulary through reading can enhance familiarity with spelling
patterns and reinforce spelling competence over time.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence

structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and introductory phrases.
For instance, the essay effectively employs complex sentences such as "While some people
believe that consuming meat is completely wrong, I disagree with this viewpoint to a large
extent," showcasing the writer's ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of
introductory phrases like "To begin with" and "Moreover" enhances the essay's coherence
and organization.

How to improve: To further enhance grammatical range and variety, consider incorporating
conditional sentences, relative clauses, and modal verbs where appropriate. Integrating
these structures can add depth to your arguments and elevate the overall sophistication of
your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and

punctuation overall. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used
effectively to enhance clarity and readability. For example, the essay utilizes commas
appropriately to separate clauses and items in a series, contributing to the coherence of the
writing. However, there are minor instances where subject-verb agreement and article usage
could be improved. For instance, in the sentence "Therefore, it would be unfair to dismiss
the act of eating meat as inherently wrong without taking into account the cultural and
historical contexts in which it is consumed," ensuring agreement between "it" and "contexts"
would enhance grammatical accuracy.

How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, noun-pronoun agreement,

and article usage to maintain grammatical accuracy consistently throughout the essay.
Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity and conciseness, particularly in complex
constructions, to avoid potential confusion for the reader.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable
range of sentence structures, focusing on minor grammatical nuances and further
diversifying sentence structures could enhance the overall coherence and sophistication of
the writing, potentially leading to an even higher band score.

Bài chữa tham khảo

In recent years, there has been escalating discourse regarding the ethical implications of
consuming meat. While some individuals consider eating meat morally objectionable, I
largely dissent from this perspective. In this essay, I will delineate the reasons for my stance,
focusing on the situation in Vietnam.

Firstly, it is imperative to recognize the multifaceted nature of the topic. Meat has served as
a primary source of protein and essential nutrients for centuries, playing a pivotal role in
various cultures, including Vietnam. For instance, meat holds significance in traditional
Vietnamese cuisine and is often featured in social gatherings and ceremonial occasions.
Hence, it would be unjust to categorically denounce the practice of consuming meat without
considering its cultural and historical significance. Thus, it is crucial to understand that eating
meat encompasses a spectrum of factors, including cultural traditions, dietary requirements,
and individual convictions.

Additionally, the meat industry serves as a crucial means of sustenance and livelihood for
millions worldwide, including farmers, butchers, and restaurant workers. In Vietnam,
livestock farming is integral to the national economy, offering abundant employment
prospects for numerous individuals. Advocating for a complete cessation of meat
consumption may overlook the socioeconomic repercussions on these communities.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge the ethical concerns raised by opponents of meat

consumption, I advocate for a more balanced approach to this issue. Rather than outright
condemnation, we should prioritize the promotion of sustainable and morally sound practices
within the meat industry. This approach ensures the welfare of animals, supports local
economies, and preserves cultural traditions.