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Textbook Counseling Asian Indian Immigrant Families A Pastoral Psychotherapeutic Model 1St Edition Varughese Jacob Auth Ebook All Chapter PDF
Textbook Counseling Asian Indian Immigrant Families A Pastoral Psychotherapeutic Model 1St Edition Varughese Jacob Auth Ebook All Chapter PDF
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COUNSELING ASIAN INDIAN
IMMIGRANT FAMILIES
A Pastoral Psychotherapeutic Model
Varughese Jacob
Counseling Asian Indian Immigrant Families
Varughese Jacob
Counseling Asian
Indian Immigrant
Families
A Pastoral Psychotherapeutic Model
Varughese Jacob
Ben Taub General Hospital
Houston, Texas
USA
vii
viii FOREWORD
xi
xii PREFACE
I am deeply indebted to many people who have played crucial roles in this
project. My sincere appreciation and thanks go to my dissertation commit-
tee who helped me with their scholarship, experience, and dedication to
complete this book. It is their close attention and constant guidance that
helped me to materialize initially this as a satisfactory dissertation and now in
the form of a book. My particular thanks go to Dr. Scheib for the immense
support, committed help and words of wisdom that I could always count
on. I am grateful to Dr. Emmanuel Lartey and Dr. Bill Harkins, extraordi-
nary teachers, pastoral counselors, pastoral theologians, authors and men-
tors to me for their enthusiastic support and many rich inputs.
I gratefully acknowledge the encouragement and support I received from
my former professors Drs. Nalini and the Late Siga Arles, friends Mathews
Valliaveetil and family, Cherian K. Varughese and family, Hepsiba James,
Pastor Jeff and Cyndi Padgett, and all other Asian-Indians who supported
me with their experiences and stories throughout these years. In addition, I
am grateful to Dr. Iris Devadason, Rev. Kim LeVert and Stephanie Schmidt
for reading and editing this book. I am also indebted to Mr. Baiju
A. Thomas and Mr. Shijomom Joy for designing and developing the
cover of this book.
I thank my family for their constant prayers and support in helping me to
reach this important milestone in life. In the midst of several challenges, the
ongoing prayer support of my mother and sister Sherly and her family with
other family members who sustained me to reach this point.
xiii
xiv ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Finally, with a grateful heart and tearful eyes I acknowledge the grace and
mercy of God, which I have received during my journey to complete this
book and thank Him for the same. He is worthy of all my praises.
CONTENTS
xv
xvi CONTENTS
Appendix 245
References 381
Index 391
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
xxi
LIST OF ABBREVIATIONS
xxiii
LIST OF FIGURES
xxv
CHAPTER 1
specific teammates whom she accused of corrupting Tom such that he had
become “more like an American child than the Indian child they believed
they were raising.”
Mrs. Thomas’ perception of American children and parents, in particular
adolescents and their parents, was very negative. She believed herself to be a
much better parent than her American counterparts. As a result of parental
displeasures, Tom was withdrawn from the soccer team and much of the
freedom he previously enjoyed was severely curtailed. Mrs. Thomas’ dis-
pleasure with the American culture intensified when the soccer coach visited
the parents in an effort to persuade them to allow Tom to rejoin the team.
Mrs. Thomas concluded that the coach was more interested in Tom
“becoming a football player than being a good boy who listens to his
parents.” Tom did not rejoin the team.
Tom was very critical of his mother. He accused her of “liking to be in
America for the money but not liking Americans” and “thinking that she is
better than everybody and wanting me to be Indian in America.” From his
perspective, the behavior his mother found objectionable was necessary for
him to “fit in” with his peers. Tom pointed out that he still maintained a
very high grade point average (GPA) in high school, and was a member of
the chess and mathematics clubs. Furthermore, he did not complain much
when his parents, primarily his mother, refused to buy him a car, “even
though my parents can afford it.”
Mr. Thomas did not say much, but what he said was less intense than
what his wife offered. He acknowledged the difficulty of raising children in
the United States given “the night and day” differences concerning expec-
tations for children’s behavior in the United States and India. He also
acknowledged “Tom is a good boy and everything is different for all of
us.” He solicited my assistance to find the family “a workable middle
ground.” Accordingly, therapy focused on helping Tom and his parents
explore compromises and alternatives to being polarized, within a workable
middle ground. Among the many similar cases I have encountered, the
Thomas’ situation represents in a stark manner the intergenerational issues
among immigrant families.
Having been a parish minister for 18 years and a theological teacher for
16 years in India prior to entering a doctoral program in the United States, I
am familiar with the traditional Indian way of helping and caring for people.
However, due to the influences of globalization, various kinds of new issues
and problems have risen. Thus, at times, I sensed that the traditional
4 1 INTRODUCTION AND OVERVIEW
methods were inadequate to help people who were going through complex
issues.
During my doctoral studies, I had encountered several more immigrant
families in which parents and children are in distress due to cultural issues. I
have witnessed sharp disputes between parents and children based on the
widely disparate cultural values the children and parents hold. I have also
been invited into several homes to talk to the children. As a first-generation
immigrant, at times I felt ignored, at least by some second-generation
immigrants, due to the judgmental attitude that they experienced from
first-generation immigrants. In such situations, I tried to listen and apply
the theoretical skills I have learned from my Western education. However, I
found myself pushed to the point of having to question the applicability of
the supposed hegemonic methods of care currently reported in the
literature.
Methods of care and counseling that claim cultural sensitivity in the
attentiveness of the therapist on the one hand whilst highlighting/privileg-
ing Euro-Western lenses of judging other cultures on the other are coun-
terproductive to the healing of the intended recipients. Therefore, I realized
that the diagnostic tools and self-centered concepts in both my course work
and practicum required a great deal of transformation to fit people of
different cultural backgrounds who are grounded in a communal person-
hood. This book is the result of that conviction.
thought patterns remained very close to the cultural tenets they inherited
from their home country. Though I am aware that culture is not stagnant
but is under constant transition and change, here the clue is that this first
generation of immigrants, distanced from their homeland, have internalized
what it unconsciously understood as stagnant and normative.
However, their children—hereinafter referred to as second-generation
immigrants—born in an alien country or their parents’ host country, are
raised in that specific culture, which is entirely different from their parents’
cultural inheritance. While this second generation was being raised in alien
countries, the culture of those countries naturally became the culture of the
second-generation immigrants. Therefore, they adopted that particular
cultural lifestyle as part of their everyday life.
These second-generation immigrants, like any other children, grow
under the disciplinary system of their parents during their childhood. How-
ever, when they enter school and enter the teenage years, they move into
the realm of Western, individualistic society that emphasizes individuation,
differentiation, and autonomy of individuals over family and community.
These opposite norms and values create an inevitable clash with the cultural
values, outlooks, and practices of their parents.
For instance, dating, clubbing, pregnancy out of wedlock, divorce, and
single parenthood are taboo and stigmatized in traditional Indian culture. If
the member of a traditional Indian family gets involved in such issues and
this is made public, that whole family is looked down upon in the commu-
nity and ostracized. In most cases, people would avoid initiating a marriage
relationship with such families. However, most of the second-generation
immigrants who grow up in mainstream American culture often consider
many of these traditional attitudes unimportant.
One of the major concerns here is the family and community values
which are inherent in Indian culture, in contrast to the mainstream Amer-
ican culture that tends to promote individualism and consumerism.
K. Ahmed observes that “the United States is typically considered an
individualistic culture and European-American parents generally raise their
children to be autonomous, assertive, and self-reliant.”4 When second-
generation immigrants fail to follow the culture of their parent’s home
country, the community of first-generation immigrants starts questioning,
gossiping, and isolating such families in the community. Moreover, such
news will be relayed to others in the home country of the first-generation
immigrants.
6 1 INTRODUCTION AND OVERVIEW
In the Indian culture, the name and fame brought by one member of
the family is the name and fame of the whole family. In the same way,
shame and guilt brought by one member of the family is considered as the
shame and guilt of the entire family. Second-generation immigrants who
are born and raised in an individualistic, consumer culture do not grasp or
subscribe this fact and are indifferent to it. For instance, Dave, a second-
generation Indian American, told me in an interview that “we work hard,
we pay our bills and we live. We don’t care what people think about us;
maybe my parents do, but not I.” In this context, often what is normal to
the second-generation immigrants is very abnormal to the first-generation
immigrants. Consequently, family members may experience isolation, a
sense of shame and guilt, and may be ostracized by their community.
Intergenerational conflicts within families can create stress, emotional
rifts, and, often, fights between the first and second generations. Family
dysfunctions resulting from intergenerational conflicts may appear as lack of
communication, refusal to participate in family-ascribed roles, and open
disobedience to parental rules. In order to understand intergenerational
conflict, we need to consider three factors. The first factor is stress due to
emotional rifts and family dysfunctions that may be initiated by the first-
generation immigrants as a result of their sense of shame, guilt, and isolation
in the community. The second factor is second-generation immigrants’ lack
of full awareness of the meaning of their “parental culture” and its original
values, though they do have some knowledge of Indian cultural and com-
munity values and the emotional difficulties of their parents related to
it. And the third factor includes the marginality status of the immigrants,
peer pressure from the school, work and society, and the lack of safe space to
vent their feelings. In many families, it is observed that face-to-face
communication or quality communication between the first- and second-
generation immigrants is rare since the parents are busy with their jobs and
children are involved in their activities. Contributing to the lack of face-to-
face quality communication is the often unconscious assumption of first-
generation immigrants that the second generation knows and understands
the parental culture they have observed in their parents’ lives.
Through working with families as a pastor and counselor, I have
observed that while most first-generation immigrants are not fully aware
of and concerned about the peer pressure on their children, neither are the
second-generation immigrants fully aware of their parents’ emotional pain,
stress, and (often justified) fear of social stigma. This lack of awareness on
the part of both groups often leads to further quarrels, fights, and temporary
THE CONTEXT OF THIS BOOK 7
family members, who are generally more Westernized in their life style,
make their parental community sensitive, suspicious, angry, and fearful, as
they cannot keep their Westernized children within their own cultural
world.
As a pastoral psychotherapist working with Asian-Indian immigrant
families, one of the major issues I observed was a lack of culturally appro-
priate therapy that would address the cultural conflicts within these families.
Their care needs were deeply rooted in the struggle to deal with the dictates
of a Western culture that emphasizes individualism, unlike Indian culture,
which is communally oriented. Asian-Indians are culturally formed in their
understanding of what it means to be human. This presents challenges when
they seek help and are presented with foreign resolutions to their problems.
My therapy experience with Asian-Indian families has revealed to me that
though there are several books that discuss the cultural and psychological
needs of the Asian-Indian immigrant families, there is almost nothing in
terms of a psychotherapeutic model that accommodates the particular needs
of the Asian-Indian immigrant families in the Western World.
Frequently, the therapy available to Asian-Indian immigrants in the
United States and Western world is based on developmental and diagnostic
theories and counseling practices developed by and for those living in a
Eurocentric or Western culture. Too often, these theories and practices
have been applied to immigrants without regard to the cultural background
that informs their way of life in times of joy and pain. Even when their
culture is manifest, it tends to either be ignored or evaluated by the stan-
dards of another culture either due to ignorance or disregard.
I have seen families torn apart and persons subjected to alienation or
loneliness due to therapists pushing them to be independent. Oftentimes
this push comes from a culturally insensitive therapist or the perpetuation of
the dominant, so-called “First-World” culture over so-called “Third-
World” culture. Approaches that focus on development of an autonomous
self are limited because they fail to meet the Asian-Indian’s communal-
centered concept of personhood.
It is important to address the cultural background of those immigrating
so that we are able to understand the depth of their problems and, thereby,
engage their culture in therapy. Addressing their cultural background will
help the therapist to truly connect with clients and understand the experi-
ence of their inner world. This understanding is important for pastoral care
because therapists must meet their clients at their point of need in order to
provide effective healing. Different cultures shape the development of their
members in different ways. Thus, even in a condition of extreme stress, the
THE CONTEXT OF THIS BOOK 9
¶. 4. Of Rubbing of Letters.
¶. 5. Of Kerning of Letters.
1. The Dressing-Sticks.
2. The Bench, Blocks and its Appurtenances.
3. The Dressing-Hook.
4. The Dressing-Knife.
5. The Plow.
6. The Mallet.
¶. 3. Of the Dressing-Hook.
The Dressing-Hook is described in Plate 21 at c. This is a long
square Rod of Iron, about two Foot long and a Great-Primmer
square: Its end a is about a two-Lin’d-English thick, and hath a small
Return piece of Iron made square to the under-side of the Rod, that
when the whole Dressing-Hook is laid along a Stick of Letter, this
Return piece or Hook may, when the Rod is drawn with the Ball of
the Thumb, by the Knot on the upper-side of it at c, draw all the
Letter in the Stick tight and close up together, that the Stick of Letter
may be Scraped, as shall be shewed.
¶. 4. Of the Dressing-Knife.
¶. 5. Of the Plow.
FINIS.
Transcriber’s Notes.
1. Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed.
2. Silently corrected typographical errors.
3. Page 70. “§. 19.” changed to “¶. 19.”.
4. The paragraph symbol “¶” has been standardised as “¶.”.
5. The section symbol “§” has been standardised as “§.”.
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