Notification of Impending Accident

To be given to individual most affected by upcoming disaster

1. Notification
You are hereby notified that Ninjalistics, Inc., your top-quality provider of
corporate espionage and assassination services, has scheduled an accident to Victim category
befall the following party or entity:  human
 animal or plant
Name of appointed victim _______________________________________________
 material goods
Date ___/_____/__________ Time _______ to _______
 project
Location ______________________________________________________________  managerial structure
Ninjalistics advises you to be  present at  absent from the indicated location  company
at the indicated date.

2. Description 3. Advisories
Accident category Severity [projected] Recommended response(s)
[Check all that apply.] [Select only one.] [Check all that apply.]
c Vehicular  Minor c Shock
c Medical  Interesting c Rage
c Construction  Consequential c Panic
c Radiation  Gripping c Fetal whimpering
c Sports  Severe c Post-traumatic stress disorder
c Food  Calamitous c Dithering
c Asbestos  Catastrophic Duration: ______  hours
 days  weeks  months
c Wrongful injury or death  years  indefinite
c Rightful injury or death Corporate Shame Index c Project delay or cancellation
c Property damage/destruction [Select only one. If multiple Shame Levels apply, c Whistleblowing
use the most dire.]
c Offense against humanity c Layoffs
 1. Apprehension
c Drug-related c Accounting adjustment
 2. Embarrassment
c Animal-related c Reverse stock split
 3. Indignity
 dog  cat  bird  weasel c Legal counsel
 moose  squirrel  hippo  4. Humiliation
c Surrender to authorities
c Spraypaint-related  5. Scandal
c YouTube video
c School bus-related  6. Disgrace
c Vacation
c YouTube video  7. Litigation
c Hard to describe, you just
have to see it
Recommended scapegoat(s)
[Check all that seem remotely plausible.]
For Ninjalistics internal routing only c “Market conditions”
c Employee(s) __________________
White copy: to individual most affected by upcoming disaster
Light Blue: Operations c Regulation
Cornflower Blue: Department and/or Division head c Deregulation
Grey: Finance—front desk
Yellow: Your records c Terrorist(s)
Goldenrod: Legal
c Competitor(s)
Golden Yellow: Information Management
Golden Wheat: Client c Foreign country(ies)__________
Flax: Finance VP—but don’t show it to the front desk, whatever you do
Pink: HR c Act(s) of God/nature/the gods/
Paisley: Accounting (resist calls from Finance VP to get this copy too) Congress
Black: Administration
c YouTube

Copyright ©2008 Ninjalistics. Written by Allen Varney. Prepare for disaster with the many forms available free at www.ninjalistics.com