VERITAS ET MISERICORDIA

DEVELOPING EMPATHY: EMPATHIC

LISTENING
 EMPATHIC LISTENING
 Empathic listening (also called active listening or reflective
listening) is a way of listening and responding to another person
that improves mutual understanding and trust. It is an essential
skill for third parties and disputants alike, as it enables the
listener to receive and accurately interpret the speaker's message,
and then provide an appropriate response. The response is an
integral part of the listening process and can be critical to the
success of a negotiation or mediation. Among its benefits,
empathic listening builds trust and respect, enables the disputants
to release their emotions, reduces tensions, encourages the
surfacing of information, and creates a safe environment that is
conducive to collaborative problem solving
 EMPATHIC LISTENING
 Though useful for everyone involved in a conflict, the ability and
willingness to listen with empathy is often what sets the mediator apart from
others involved in the conflict. Even when the conflict is not resolved during
mediation, the listening process can have a profound impact on the parties.
Jonathon Chace, associate director of the U.S. Community Relations
Service, recalls a highly charged community race-related conflict he
responded to more than 30 years ago when he was a mediator in the agency's
Mid-Atlantic office. It involved the construction of a highway that would
physically divide a community centered around a public housing project.
After weeks of protest activity, the parties agreed to mediation. In the end,
the public officials prevailed and the aggrieved community got little relief.
When the final session ended, the leader of the community organization
bolted across the floor, clasped the mediator's hand and thanked him for
being "different from the others."
 HOW TO LISTEN WITH EMPATHY
 Empathy is the ability to project oneself into the personality of
another person in order to better understand that person's emotions
or feelings. Through empathic listening the listener lets the speaker
know, "I understand your problem and how you feel about it, I am
interested in what you are saying and I am not judging you." The
listener unmistakably conveys this message through words and
non-verbal behaviors, including body language. In so doing, the
listener encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself
free of interruption, criticism or being told what to do. It is neither
advisable nor necessary for a mediator to agree with the speaker,
even when asked to do so. It is usually sufficient to let the speaker
know, "I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to
help you resolve this problem."
 HOW TO LISTEN WITH EMPATHY
 While this article focuses on mediation, it should be apparent
that empathic listening is a core skill that will strengthen the
interpersonal effectiveness of individuals in many aspects of
their professional and personal lives. Parties to unassisted
negotiations -- those that do not involve a mediator -- can often
function as their own mediator and increase their negotiating
effectiveness using empathy. Through the use of skilled
listening these "mediational negotiators" can control the
negotiation by their: willingness to let the other parties dominate
the discussion, attentiveness to what is being said, care not to
interrupt, use of open-ended questions,sensitivity to the
emotions being expressed, and ability to reflect back to the other
party the substance and feelings being expressed.
 HOW TO LISTEN WITH EMPATHY

 The power of empathic listening in volatile settings is

reflected in Madelyn Burley-Allen's description of the
skilled listener. "When you listen well," Burley-Allen
says, "you: acknowledge the speaker, increase the
speaker's self-esteem and confidence, tell the speaker,
"You are important" and "I am not judging you," gain
the speaker's cooperation, reduce stress and tension,
build teamwork, gain trust, elicit openness, gain a
sharing of ideas and thoughts, and obtain more valid
information about the speakers and the subject."