Emotional Regulation

the ability to effectively manage and respond to an emotional experience

We all feel and experience emotions
● All emotions are valid - both positive and negative
● Emotions are a normal part of everyday life
● Difficult emotions can be information about how we feel about something,
what is bothering us, or if something needs to change
● Difficult emotions may arise from loss, illness, tragedy, injustice or trauma
● When we don’t know how to cope with difficult experiences, our emotions
become dysregulated
● Emotional dysregulation can lead to unhealthy behaviors such as substance
abuse, fighting, abuse, self-isolation, avoidance or self-injury
Why are some emotions so overwhelming?

Thoughts about the

Difficult experience Difficult emotions Unhealthy behaviors
experience

We experience a challenging life
event like death, illness, abuse,
financial issues, or injustice.
We have thoughts about the
experience such as, “That’s not
fair”, “I wish this never
happened”, “My life is over”, or
“Nothing will ever be the same”
Difficult emotions arise, such as
anger, sadness, fear, regret,
confusion, betrayal, or despair.
We use unhealthy behaviors to
mask the difficult emotions:
substance abuse, violence or
abuse, avoidance, self-isolation,
orself-injury.

It is not the difficult experience that leads to unhealthy behaviors, it is our

interpretations of the experience that causes negative emotions and unhealthy
behaviors.
It can become a vicious cycle.
Difficult experience
We experience a challenging life
event like death, illness, abuse,
financial issues, or injustice.
Thoughts about the
experience
We have thoughts about the
experience such as, “That’s not
fair”, “I wish this never
happened”, “My life is over”, or
“Nothing will ever be the same”
Difficult emotions
Difficult emotions arise, such as
anger, sadness, fear, regret,
confusion, betrayal, or despair.
Here is where we can
interrupt the cycle.
Unhealthy behaviors
We use unhealthy behaviors to
mask the difficult emotions:
substance abuse, violence or
abuse, avoidance, self-isolation,
orself-injury.
Emotional regulation can interrupt the cycle.

● Interrupting the cycle can lead to more positive thoughts and feelings
● Everyone copes with thoughts and emotions in different ways
● What works for one person may not work for someone else
● It’s important for everyone to learn what works best for them
● Breaking the cycle is hard work, but you can get there!
● Emotional regulation starts with understanding the thought-emotion-behavior
relation.
Questions to ask yourself…
● What specific thoughts trigger the most negative emotions for me?
● Which emotions are hardest for me to tolerate?
● Which emotions are easiest for me to tolerate?
● What behaviors do I tend to use to calm down the feelings?
● How well do these work in the short and long term? Do I want to use these
behaviors?
● What are the underlying beliefs about myself, others, or life in general that
tend to most strongly perpetuate the negative cycles?
● Conversely, what thoughts and beliefs do I have that assist me most in
generating positive feelings?

Choose 1-3 questions and take a moment to journal your answers.

 Discussion time!
Share what came up in your journaling exercise.
How emotional regulation looks in women

✓ ✗
● Women are more prone to self-
reflection, understanding, and
dealing with emotions.
● Women are more likely to talk about
their feelings and express them.
● Women report experiencing emotions
more intensely than men which can
make emotional regulation harder for
women.
● Women report more depressive
symptoms and ruminating behaviors
such as thinking about something
over and over again or having a
low/sad mood.
Let’s talk about how to regulate our emotions!
The Window of Tolerance
Hyperarousal
In a state of hyperarousal, we
may experience oversensitivity
to sensations, emotional
reactivity, hypervigilance,
intrusive imagery, and/or
disorganized cognitive
processing. This is often
referred to as a “fight or flight”
response.
Window of Tolerance
Within our window, we are in
our optimal zone of arousal. We
experience an ebb and flow of
activation—from neutral, to
high, to low—without
being overwhelmed. We are
engaged, feel safe, and are
able to connect with others.
From this regulated state we
can be present, curious, and
grounded.
Hypoaroused
In a state of hypoarousal, we
may experience a relative
absence of sensation, numbing
of emotions, disabled cognitive
processing, and/or decreased
physical movement. This is
often referred to as an
“immobilization” response.
Cues of Hyperarousal Cues of Hypoarousal

Body Body
- Agitation, difficulty relaxing - Weak muscle tone
- Muscle tension - Fixed gaze, glassy eyes
- Increased heart rate - Extremely still, frozen
- Hot flashes, sweating Emotion
- Easily startled - Flat, blunted emotions; lack of emotion
Emotion - “Can’t feel” emotions; feeling “numb”
- Mood swings - Apathy, feel nothing matters; no motivation
- Euphoria, mania, grandiosity Cognitive
- Irritability, anger - “Mind is blank”, can’t think
Cognitive - Slow responses
- Racing, repetitive, intrusive thoughts - Feeling “spacey” of ungrounded
- Worry, rumination - Can’t think of past or future
- Rapid, disorganized speech Perception
Perception - World appears unreal, dreamlike
- Sensitive to sound, light - Objects feel flat, 2-dimensional, “cartoon-like”
Motivational Self
- Obsessive, excessive effort; perfectionism - Disconnected from body, emotions, thoughts
Social - Feeling outside of body or at a distance
- Difficulty engaging socially Social
- Disruptive, interrupting, lack of inhibition - Not seeking social support/engagement
- Withdrawn, avoidant
- Eye contact is difficult

Let’s discuss: Do you experience hyperarousal, hypoarousal, or both?

 Coping skills for hyperarousal
Type Description Activities
Centering, Orienting Become aware, open,
and connected to
the sensations happening
within your body.
Grounding Bringing body and mind
into the here and now
Distraction Focus attention on
something outside of your
body
Containment Managing and holding
feelings in a safe way
Reassurance Using internal or external
reassurance to calm our
doubts or worries
- Place hands on heart and belly
- Sit with back against the wall
- Self-massage
- Spine movement
- Closing and opening fists
- Sitting with feet planted firmly on the ground
- Engaging your five senses - what can you see/hear/taste/smell/touch?
- Mindful eating
- Reading
- Watching TV or movie
- Listening to music
- Cooking
- Completing a task
- Writing down thoughts and feelings
- Creating a containment box for special items that symbolize a traumatic event
- Visualizing a box or vault where only you hold the key and can decide what goes in and out
- Reminding self that anxiety/difficult emotions will pass
- Confiding in a friend or loved one
- Rating anxiety on a scale from 1-10, and re-rating after using other coping skills
 Coping skills for hypoarousal

Type Description Activities

Movement Creating physical energy - Dancing

with your body - Walking, running, aerobic exercises
- Balancing on one leg
- Time in nature

Creative arts Stimulating creativity can - Drawing or painting

increase arousal and shift - Decorating your home
away from numbness or - Gardening, plant care
shutting down - Singing, music, writing

Breathwork Breathing exercises to - Box breathing:

create mind-body - (Breathe in 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds, exhale 4 seconds, hold 4 seconds) X 4
connection - Belly breathing:
- Place hand on belly and hand on chest while taking deep, slow breaths
- Paced breathing:
- Deep, long breaths, inhaling for 10-12 seconds, exhaling for 10-12 seconds

Change temperature Contact with cold can - Splashing cold water on face; cold shower
increase mind-body - Holding ice cubes in hands
connection - Rubbing ice cubes or ice packs on area of your body
- Drinking cold water

Mental stimulation Engaging mind in mental - Counting by 5s as high as you can go: 5, 10, 15, 20, etc….
games or puzzles - Naming all the colors in the rainbow that you can see in your surroundings

Sensory Stimulate five senses - Eat crunchy, cold, or interactive foods

- Smell strong scents: cinnamon, peppermint, citrus
- Listen to energetic, loud music
Sources
https://holistichealthcounselingcenter.com/coping-with-hypoarousal-as-a-trauma-re
sponse/
https://hopehealingcounseling.com/strategies-for-managing-hypoarousal/
https://holisticconsultationllc.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/Coping_-Hyper_Hy
po_aroused.pdf
https://hopehealingcounseling.com/strategies-for-managing-hypoarousal/#:~:text=
Your%20breathing%20can%20become%20shallow%20with%20hypoarousal%2C
%20so%20try%20and,about%2010%20to%2012%20seconds
.
Cornell Research Program:What is emotion regulation and how do we do it?

Window of Tolerance handout