LOVING & LIKING

THEORIES OF LOVE

STYLES OF LOVE (Lee)

Primary Styles
Love of Beauty
Playful Love
Companionate Love

OTHER STYLES WHICH COMBINE

PRIMARY STYLES
Obsessive Love
Realistic Love

IS IT REALLY A LOVE STYLE OR AN

IDEAL?
Altruistic Love

TRIANGULAR THEORY OF
LOVE (Sternberg)

TRIANGULAR THEORY
COMPONENTS:
Intimacy
Passion
Commitment

DISTINGUISHING LIKING
AND LOVING

PASSION VS. REWARDS (Berscheid &

Walster)
FRIENDSHIP VS. LOVE (Davis & Todd)
LIKE, LOVE, IN LOVE (Lamm &
Wiesmann)

CLOSENESS IN
RELATIONSHIPS

FEHRS RESEARCH

Trust
Caring
Honesty
Friendship
Respect

MAXWELLS RESEARCH

Separation Distress
Sharing of Attitudes, Values, Interests
Naturalness
Similarity
Following (Seeking out and spending time
with)
Giving and Receiving Help
Communicating About Important Issues

ATTACHMENT STYLES

SECURE
AVOIDANT
ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT

CONCLUSIONS FROM
STUDIES OF LIKING & LOVING

LIKING AND LOVING DIFFER

In Degree - Shared Characteristics Vary In Intensity
In Kind - Have Different Characteristics
Over Time

EMOTIONAL INTENSITY IS USUALLY

GREATER FOR LOVE RELATIONSHIPS
--ESPECIALLY WHEN THERE ARE
PERCEIVED THREATS TO THE
RELATIONSHIP

PASSION & PHYSIOLOGICAL AROUSAL

IS A PRIMARY DISTINGUISHING
CHARACTERISTIC OF EARLY
ROMANTIC LOVE
LIKING & LOVING SOMETIMES
OVERLAP (E.g. Friendship Component of
Love) BUT MAY NOT
LONG LASTING ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIPS LIKELY TO HAVE A
STRONG FRIENDSHIP COMPONENT TO
THEM

CHARACTERISTICS OF CLOSENESS
ARE MORE LIKELY TO CUT ACROSS
MANY TYPES OF LIKING AND
LOVING RELATIONSHIPS

COMMUNICATING
CLOSENESS

DIFFICULTY NOT SURPRISING

Overlap of features in various types of intimate
relationships
Multiplicity of terms used
Potentially ambiguous referents

AMBIGUITY INHERENT IN DIALOGUE

ABOUT INTIMACY CAN BE USEFUL
OR PROBLEMATIC

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ASSOCIATE

DIFFERENT TYPES OF BEHAVIOR
WITH PARTICULAR TYPES OF
INTIMACY--E.g.,
Husband: I work late because I love you.
Wife: You work late because you dont care
about our relationship.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE AGREE ON THE

TYPE OF BEHAVIOR WHICH
CHARACTERIZES A CLOSE
RELTIONSHIP, BUT THAT BEHAVIOR
IS DESTRUCTIVE--E.g.,
Husband: You make and serve me a lot of rich
food because you love me.
Wife: I agree.