Editing Task II

IELTS Writing Course Target 6.0

Editor: Hung Hanu Admin https://www.facebook.com/IELTS8.0trongtamtay

Some people think universities should provide knowledge and skills related to
a future career; others think the true function of a university is to give access
to knowledge for its own sake. What is your opinion of the main function of a
university?

Ngi vit: Anh T Hc Vin Ngn Hng

Some people claim that universities should provide knowledge related to future
work; while others think that universities should be a place where students can
access to a wide range of knowledge. In my opinion, universities should fulfill both
roles for a number of reasons

Comment [S1]: Future jobs

Comment [S2]: S dng while ni, khng
dng du ; hay du phy g nh.
Comment [S3]: Their roles

Introduction: Kh tt khi parapahrase li ni dung ca , s dng mt

collocation kh hay l fulfill roles. So vi bi u tin, ln ny m u tt
hn, khng mc li sai ng php.

On the one hand, it is obvious that a skilled labour force is essential for any society
to develop. Workers with proper training and practical knowledge could be able to
build their community at a fast pace after graduation. For example, doctors who are
an important professional in any society can not practice medicine well unless they
get a proper training at the university. If educational institutions stopped providing
practical knowledge and skills, many sectors would suffer from lack of
professional employees. When it comes to personal benefits, students who have
practical knowledge and skills might have better opportunity to get a job after

Comment [S4]: Khng cn thit . B to

develop i.
Comment [S5]: Make meaningful contributions
to their community after graduation
Comment [S6]: on ny cng b i. on who
are in any society din gii nh vy, thc ra cng
khng c ngha g, thm ch cn lm bi vn di
dng ko cn thit V bn thn ai cng bit ngh bc
s l cao qu v ng trn trng ri
Comment [S7]: Cm ny lp i lp li nhiu,
thay bng students who master job-related skills
would be promoted in their career ladders
Comment [S8]: opportunities

Editing Task II
IELTS Writing Course Target 6.0
Editor: Hung Hanu Admin https://www.facebook.com/IELTS8.0trongtamtay

graduation, as employers now tend to recruit employees with practical skills.

Workers who obtained knowledge and skills related to work at universities are
likely to adapt more quickly to working environment, and they will work more
efficiently.

On the other hand, there are some good arguments for studying at universities for
its own sake. One of those is that not all students enrol on a course in order to get a
particular job after graduation. Take my aunt as an example, she applied to a
Financial Management not to run her own business but to know how to spend her
money more wisely. In addition, students who learn for sake of general knowledge
will have a broader horizons and be more open-minded. They have ability to
understand other peoples differences and in general are likely to became a good
community member.

Comment [S9]: V cu qu di, on ny em

nn tch ra, thnh mt cu khc. B as i The
reason is that employers/ bosses now tend to
recruit talented workers/talents.

Comment [S10]: their

Comment [S11]: Tm c mt cng vic = Land
a particular job, thay cho get s n im t vng
hn.
Comment [S12]: She applied to Faculty of
Finance management for both her own business and
ways she spends money more wisely. Dng not to
y sai ng php
Comment [S13]: Cch din t s dng i t
quan h nh th ny, em lp i lp li nhiu qu. Ch
nn s dng 1 ln v s dng cc cu trc khc a
dng hn
Comment [S14]: a ri , th ko c s

In conclusion, I think that universities should provide knowledge and skills related
to a particular job, and course for sake of knowledge at the same time. As our
society need both highly skilled employees and knowledgeable members.

Comment [S15]: Irrelevant idea: ny khng

ph hp vi ni dung. Hiu s khc bit ca ngi
khc l sao? Khng n nhp g vi ni dung chung
ca c on. y l li sai v din t, ging nh
understand children ln trc.
Comment [S16]: Useful members
Comment [S17]: B
Comment [S18]: Knowledgeable citizens

SCORE

Task Response : 5.5 ( trnh by 2 mt ca vn nhng cha r rng

lm, hi kh hiu nht l on body th hai)

Grammar: 6.0 ( Cu trc cu tng i a dng bao gm c cu n, cu

phc nhng sai v s t, s nhiu, li du cu )

Editing Task II
IELTS Writing Course Target 6.0
Editor: Hung Hanu Admin https://www.facebook.com/IELTS8.0trongtamtay

Lexical resource: 5.75 6.0 ( C c gng s dng nhiu t vng nhng vn

cn lp li nhiu)

Coherence: 5.5 ( Din t vn lng cng, rm r. i on thiu t ni,

khin mch vn ri rc, khng thc s kt dnh)

Overall: 5.75