Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Melanie Marquez
Maikling Buod:
Simple lang naman ang gusto ni Joe Cool: trabaho. Ngunit hindi madaling makamit ito
kanyang interbyuwer. Ano ba ang Dohesta? Anong meron kay Miss Lyka? Sino si
Miss Lyka, ang boss na hindi kailanman lumabas sa kanyang opisina, at ang Dohesta
Inc. Walang makatitiyak kung ano ba ang nagpapatakbo sa kumpanya (o kung meron
nga ba), o kung sino ang nalamon/nagpapalamon sa sistema, at kung sino/ano ang
magwawagi.
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Mga Tauhan:
20 anyos.
Ang Tanghalan:
Sa isang opisina.
ibabaw ng mesa.
May malaking kalendaryo kung saan nakatakda ang huling araw ni Miss Lyka.
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[Maririnig lamang ang pagtipa sa kadiliman. Pagbukas ng ilaw, makikitang nakaupo si
JOE COOL: Magandang umaga. Ako si Joe Cool. Aplikante. Ito po ba ang Dohesta
Corporation?
MISS LYKA: [Iaabot ang form.] Filling the blank this form.
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MISS LYKA: After you filling the blank, go yourself to room and go the upstaircase. You
left, look to a window, turn right, kneel down, crawl underground, turn left
again, then right for a while, then left one more time, turn around
[Biglang mapapatingala si MISS LYKA, takot na takot, animo may narinig. Dahan-dahan
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JOE COOL: [Pinag-iisipan ang sinabi.] Hand to hand [Imumustra.] A, sa yo ko
ibibigay?
MISS LYKA: Dohesta? Please go to door to the above to the submitting of resumi.
MISS LYKA: Exit yourself. Then, you go up yourself, make a down again, then up again
once more, and last but not least, down again to repeat from above.
[Titingala si MISS LYKA. Bakas sa mukha niya ang pangamba. Tititigan niya ang
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[Babalik kaagad si JOE COOL.]
JOE COOL: Whoa [Hihinto.] Imposible. Anong floor to? Umakyat ako a.
JOE COOL: Resume? Dito rin ba yun? Di ba parehong teka nalilito na ako. So sa
yo ko ibibigay ito? [Hihinto.] Anyway, ito po. [Iaabot ang papeles.] Sorry,
me gusot. Mahal paprint kaya kinukuha ko lang ulit. Pero kumpleto yan,
friends. Nga pala, pwede bang mag-ayos dito? Baka mawala kewlness ko.
JOE COOL: Salamat, beh. [Tutuloy.] Dyahe, mehn. Parang maze dito. Maraming
MISS LYKA: Get out, you left, walk straight until fire exit, and right, then you look the
Jose Rizal inside a frame, right again, again and repeat again your turn
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[Nawiwirduhan ang binata. Dahan-dahan siyang aalis sa opisina.]
MISS LYKA: [May pangamba.] Yes, sir? Positive, sir. I will achieve that sir just in time,
sir. Yes, sir? Applicating, sir? No appearing, sir. Yes, sir, hes already one
seconds, sir. What the saying, sir? A I really swearing, sir. Last weeks
report is done, sir. Its your table. Its not your table, sir? What, sir? Last
now, sir? But, sir. I wait long time. I work hard time Who, sir? What? No,
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
[Manginginig ang kanyang mga kamay at kanyang susubukan kontrolin ito. Taranta
siyang maghahanap ng papeles. Makikita niya ito. Tutuloy sana siya sa opisina ngunit
mapapatigilan. Kakatok.]
MISS LYKA: Hello? Sir? Sir, its me, sir. I have the papers here in my hand sir! Can I
enter the door, sir? Please, just a split moment? Sir? Siiiiiiir? [Mag-
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below the door, sir? But can we talking, sir? Another round, sir? I wont be
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: Magandang umaga. Ako si [Hihinto.] Now this is whacked! Miss, is that
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JOE COOL: Wait a minute kapeng mainit. So, this is the real deal?
JOE COOL: So dito nga yung interbyu? Sorry po ha. Nalilito pa ako.
JOE COOL: Chill, velvet plum. Gusto ko lang malaman kung ito na nga yung Dohesta.
Kanina kasi
MISS LYKA: Spokening English. Its the rule of hand. Are you applicating?
JOE COOL: A oo. Im applicatapplying. Ako si Joe Cool. And you are?
JOE COOL: Aaawhatever you say, miss pretty. Madali lang naman akong kausap.
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MISS LYKA: Why is time not of the elements to you?
MISS LYKA: No, I understand completely. You late yourself in expected time of arrival.
JOE COOL: Late? [Hihinto.] Di ako late, beh. I went here nang maaga. Dumating ako
MISS LYKA: Ive met you just once and that once is now.
you are applicating. Positive? Now, why will I play tricks if I can kick you
out there?
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MISS LYKA: The only reason you made the arrival in this portion of Dohesta is if you
JOE COOL: Ano raw? Uh, teka lang ho. Kayo po ba ang mag-iinterbyu sa akin? O
MISS LYKA: The Secretary of Human Being Reserve is a higher entirely and capable of
and all and many things against nation interest. So, no.
JOE COOL: [Medyo tulala.] Uh, sorry. I think my experiencing had[Mauutal.]I had
MISS LYKA: Thats not my problem anymore. Thats your problem anymore.
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[Mauupo na sana si JOE COOL, ngunit mapapatigilan siya sa bangkito. Mauupo siya.
JOE COOL: [Mabibigla sa tanong.] Ano po? A! Inaalok mo ba ako ng pagkain? Well,
JOE COOL: Ae, teka, di pa ge, ge, may ice tea ba kayo? Lemonade? O Coke?
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MISS LYKA: Resumi.
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: My name? My name is astig. It is kakaiba. It is different from all others.
Digz?
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MISS LYKA: I cant understand the words going out your mouth.
JOE COOL: I mean, it reflects me, ya know? Im just real, flower face. Dehins ako
gamol like other people. And Im a real guy who needs a real trabaho. Sa
hirap ng panahon, bawal alaws arep. I cant afford to be asleep from early
MISS LYKA: I dont care if you need to go to the bakery yourself. If you are not passed,
no offering a job.
JOE COOL: Whoa-whoa-whoa, cool ka lang, pretty manika. Lam mo naman medyo
[Hihinto.]
MISS LYKA: Please answer the question since it is standard of ruling system.
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JOE COOL: Di ata tayo nagkakaintindihan, magic eyes. There seems to be a sablay
in
MISS LYKA: You are misunderstanding. I am completely understood. Now, the reality
MISS LYKA: Hi. Nice the meeting you. Im Lyka Agurela. And you?
JOE COOL: Dang, girl. Its so nice to know your tunay na pangalan.
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
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MISS LYKA: My like is Miss Lyka Agurela. Because the correct name is long: Maria
Lyka Kabayan Agurela. But Lyka Agurela is faster. Like nickname. Like
MISS LYKA: Hello, Mr. Joe Cool. Im Maria Lyka Kabayan Agurela. You can say Miss
[Tatayo si MISS LYKA at iaabot ang kanyang kamay. Makikipagkamay na sana si JOE
JOE COOL: Uhh its just great meeting you yourselfesteahem!you as well.
MISS LYKA: Ill check if the papers of yourself are in ordered already. [Kunwa
MISS LYKA: These went the system of process, Mr. Cool. Now, we start simple
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JOE COOL: Araw ko ba? Well, buti natanong mo, beh. Grabe, seven pa lang,
know. Gising na daw, sigaw niya, kasi meron pa kong interbyu. Rush to
goli kagad ako. Jobless kasi ako since last month. Hirap yo. Contractual
MISS LYKA: How did you made the discovery of the job?
JOE COOL: How did you made the discovery of A! Sa diyaro beh. [Maglalabas ng
Applicating for Someone Who Can Stand who can stand it. Who can
JOE COOL: Dito sa inyo ba? Mej. E ang olats naman kasi ng building na to. Nakaka-
lost, yo.
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MISS LYKA: Not the littlest even?
JOE COOL: E siguro. Kasi, beh, sinabihan mo pa ako nasa maling opisina ako.
JOE COOL: A, about me, beh? Aba, the name speaks for itself. At siyempre plus
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MISS LYKA: Resumi.
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: A sa Harvardian ba? No, beh. Binibenta lang ang diploma kung can
JOE COOL: Course? Patalon-talon din. Nung una, HRM, pero nagshift ako sa tourism.
Umalis din ako dun kasi napaka-sociable ko na, di ba? Sabi ng ermats ko,
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MISS LYKA: You mean politicizing science?
JOE COOL: Dehins. Political pero parang naaalala ko yun nga yung tawag.
JOE COOL: Oh it was the bomb, girl! Nag-college ka naman, di ba? Alam mo naman
MISS LYKA: Then you always cut the class and disobediencing the professors and the
JOE COOL: Admin? Naku, honey lips, di kami naniniwala dyan. Daming patakaran,
rules, and all that jebak, mehn. Porket old school sila dapat din ba
MISS LYKA: How can you say such? There is always a higher who we make following.
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JOE COOL: Eh bulok naman eskwelahan namin. Biro mo, sa politicaleste
JOE COOL: It doesnt mean kung bulok eskwelahan ko, bulok tuktok ko.
MISS LYKA: It seems you are unaware of the bad of rebelling the authoritorial, against
JOE COOL: Di kita nagegets, shiny legs. Ano tong system? Wala naman, di ba? Mga
tao lang naman sila. Binuo lang naman yan ng mga taong kagaya natin,
riiiight?
MISS LYKA: My ears are unbelievable! [May itatala.] Has the ability of insupportination.
MISS LYKA: What are the hopes and dreams? How do you see yourself ten years
forward?
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JOE COOL: Dreams ba? Aba, isa lang ang dream ko sa buhay: maging sikat na
artista.
JOE COOL: Oy, seryoso ako ha. May alam ka ba sa mundo ng showbiz? Sina John
MISS LYKA: Many people see the grass as greener over the rainbow. But where are
they? Theyre selling flesh. Perhaps salvaged. Now, Mr. Cool, if you really
MISS LYKA: If thats the dream choosing by yours, why not be it?
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JOE COOL: Kasi naman beh, nag-aaral ako nun.
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MISS LYKA: Why the need to live?
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MISS LYKA: Why the need to live?
[Katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: Alam mo, kanina ka pa nagsasalita nang ganyan, pati utak ko nagno-
nosebleed.
MISS LYKA: See. You even think theres a nose in the brain. Thats because you
spokening Filipino since time immoral. You know, the world can be the
oyster at your hand and will become a pearl. We can provide so many
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JOE COOL: Ha? A marami. [Hihinto.] Mga naka-walong trabaho na ako. Halos six
JOE COOL: [Hirap sumagot. Pawisan.] Contribute? Uh dahil marami naman akong
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JOE COOL: YE-Ano?
[Katahimikan.]
MISS LYKA: [Inis.] I am the only one in authoritorial. You should be honored I even let
country.
dito e. Kaya siguro medyo may sayad Ang ibig kong sabihin, beh, kahit
MISS LYKA: There is still life running in my bones. And you have no right to know what
landmark.
JOE COOL: Naks. Hanep naman tong kumpanya nyo, ano? Kayo ba nagsusupply ng
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Namamahala sa lahat ng mall! Pero di ba dapat sandamukal na
JOE COOL: Di ko naman iismolin tong kumpanya mo, beh. Nagtatanong lang. Minsan
JOE COOL: Ganun ba? [Babaling sa opisina ng boss at lalapitan ito.] Opisina ba yan
MISS LYKA: [Galit ngunit may bahid ng takot.] Stepping away the door right this
immediately!
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MISS LYKA: Dont touch me not!
JOE COOL: Oy, wala akong gagawing masama. At mas lalong wala akong binabalak,
ano!
JOE COOL: Whoa. Di ko naman alam napaka-sensitive mo pala, caramel face. Lalayo
na ako sa opisina.
MISS LYKA: Do what I tell for I am not in the mood to enjoy myself, Mr. Cool. I tell you,
JOE COOL: Mehn, ganito lang ako manamit. Wala akong alam sa street dance.
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MISS LYKA: [May itatala.] Not flexible around work area.
MISS LYKA: I will not be waiting myself, Mr. Cool! You have been testing my patience
MISS LYKA: Would you say you always disrespecting the people you see?
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JOE COOL: I telling you
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MISS LYKA: When did you lose the virginity?
JOE COOL: Oy
JOE COOL: Paumanhin po, Miss Lyka, but I will not dignify that question with an
answer.
MISS LYKA: Thats all right. I dont need the dignity. I only need the answer.
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JOE COOL: Tuli na manoy ko!
MISS LYKA: Then who was the first you inject the peneyney to the vajayjay.
MISS LYKA: It is impossible to a man to forget the first woman he injected! How was
the look?
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MISS LYKA: Vajayjays do not look like sampaguitas unless they do improperty hygiene
MISS LYKA: Im just making sure you say true for curious makes me want to cat.
MISS LYKA: Come? Mr. Cool, are you trying to seducing me?
MISS LYKA: I just notice you calling me candies and sweet things. And I am thinking:
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JOE COOL: Actual? Actually what, maam?
MISS LYKA: Stop the foolishing around. I know the feelings and cravings of yourself.
MISS LYKA: How old are you once again? It says twenty. Hmm, fresh. Fresh graduate.
How about pleasing personality? Have you the ability to pleasing me?
MISS LYKA: Consider this your medication exam. [Hihinto.] Mr. Cool do you like to
Putanginangpakshitmagpapakamataynalangakokesamagpakantotsayo!
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JOE COOL: [Biglang kambyo.] So tanggap na ako? Kasi nagmedical na?
MISS LYKA: What do you think of you? You know we can arrested you? Pile
criminalities until you are dead? Remember who youre talking at!
MISS LYKA: How dare you accusation me? [May hahanapin na papeles.] I knew it all
MISS LYKA: Jhoenard Jhun Abelar Kulata. An uglified name for an uglified person.
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[Sandaling katahimikan.]
JOE COOL: [Tatayo.] Joe Cool pangalan ko and you believing better than thatyou
MISS LYKA: Really now? What is your prisoner fathers full name? Your mother and
sibils?
MISS LYKA: It is not Kulata their last names, Mr. Jhoenard Jhun?
JOE COOL: Ako nga si Joe Cool! Matagal na akong Joe Cool.
JOE COOL: Ano bang probelma mo? Masama bang maging Joe Cool pangalan ko?
MISS LYKA: Why do you keep being insistent? Is the name amazing and magnificant?
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JOE COOL: Sarcastic ka ba?
MISS LYKA: You know, Mr. Jhoenard Jhun, I laugh. Because even if the truth is all
around, you are still a denial. Youre some kind of a stupid, you know?
[Susundutin ni MISS LYKA ng electric rod ang binata at mangingisay-ngisay siya. Kung
MISS LYKA: Did you think you can overcoming me? Just do and say whatever to the
Jhun, and may I remind, you are the one crawling to us. And you come
thinking youre some kind of a person, as if you have the thing. We have a
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system and a requirement to follow. If you cannot do it, starve and rot
squatting!
JOE COOL: [Sinusubukan sumigaw.] Tulong tulong papatayin niya ako sak
lolo
MISS LYKA: Pussy can stay but you can not go away. [Hihinto.] If you do not return to
MISS LYKA: Now look what you yourself did. You are all wet! You scoring an under
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JOE COOL: [Nakahandusay.] Please tama na ayoko parang awa mo awa
mo
MISS LYKA: A few more things and possibility the job, okay?
MISS LYKA: [Hahawakan ang panga ng binata.] Sing at me. Its measuring your status
MISS LYKA: No, no. I like pearly oysters. Sing me pearly oysters.
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JOE COOL: Down... ocean shining
JOE COOL: Shiny the sun shower the shore what seeing heart say
MISS LYKA: Good! Now, imporant essay question to measuring brain capacity and
problem solutions. Ready? All right. It is Monday. You are driving a car in
a very rainy day. You pass a bus stop. Three people are sitting the bench
without umbrella or roof. They are wet. One person is the bestest friend of
yourself. The other is a old man who is dying sooner than later. The last
person is the love of your life. The problem is the car is good for two only
since your car is short. What are you doing? Who are you helping?
JOE COOL: I know knowing Ibibigay ko ko ang susi ng kotse sa best friend
Pos ako mai iwan kasama ang love of my life sa bus stop sa
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MISS LYKA: Wrong, Mr. Kulata! Oh my god wrong! You help no one. You dont even
stop to look for listen. You go ahead because you need to work at
JOE COOL: [Umiiyak.] Ayoko na. Kahit ano di sapat. Di dapat ganito!
JOE COOL: Isa itong scam! [Hihinto.] Pinaghihinalaan ko na. Kaduda-duda ang
opisina. Kaduda-duda ang set-up. Kaduda-duda ka! Hindi ako bobo, beh. I
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JOE COOL: Alam ko ang raket nyo rito. Expoextoexportion! Planado ang lahat.
papatulugin ako at kukunin organs ko. Ive seen horror movies, yo!
MISS LYKA: Where do you collect these imaginings? Sir Ernesto Karera, C-E-O, did
respecting company.
JOE COOL: Puta may tao ba dyan? Wag mo akong lokohin! Peke tong lahat! Sinet-
up ako!
MISS LYKA: What is that talking out of your mouth? Everything is been setted up
anywhere.
MISS LYKA: [Susugurin ang binata.] I wont killing you! Dohesta never get killing
people. Dohesta hires like peanuts because killing people cannot working!
JOE COOL: Diyos ko, parang awa mo na. Alam ko na. Di na ako makakatakas. Ano
gagawin
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MISS LYKA: No. You misunderstood all. Mr. Karera, you understand, will not let you
sila?
JOE COOL: Hidden cam, mga manonood, mga gugulpi sa akin, mga papatay sa akin o
MISS LYKA: What are you speaking about? We are having interviewing.
MISS LYKA: [Matitigilan. Mapapaisip.] How can I say? That is questionings that should
need to knowing.
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MISS LYKA: Karera is Karera. The boss. No one should know him. I will not know. No
MISS LYKA: Where are you thinking Sit down or I will zap you again in upper level.
[Susundutin sana ni MISS LYKA ng electric rod si JOE COOL, ngunit titilapon ito sa
sahig.]
JOE COOL: [Sinisipa ang pinto.] Mga chong! Mga putang ina nyo! Lumabas kayo!
Waiting na me!
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MISS LYKA: [Subok paandarin muli ang sandata.] You stepping away from the door
right this moment or I will electrify you so hard it is not just urine that will
JOE COOL: Sabihin mo sa akin! Sino si Karera? Ano ang Dohesta? Sino ka???
MISS LYKA: We-wait. I-I-I-I-I have no me. I have no I know nothing for Karera.
JOE COOL: [Sa paligid.] Hoy! Puwede na kayong pumasok. Ayoko ko nang maglaro.
Lumabas ka na kung sino ka man! Putang ina, magpakita ka! Kunin nyo
na ako!
[Susundutin ng electric rod ang binata. Sisigaw si JOE COOL, ngunit malalaman din
MISS LYKA: I will not do you this to me! You not make a mockering of system!
JOE COOL: Anong system pinagsasabi mo? Girl, I dunno understand whacha sayin!
ikaw at ako ang nandito. Kung meron pang iba, magpakita na kayo!
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MISS LYKA: [Nanginginig.] This is truth. It is not lying. It is what it is and never! It is
truth! It is
ako. Ako nauto, pero ikaw nagpapauto. Baliw ka! Saklolo, may baliw!
MISS LYKA: Animal you! I cant you have tricks playing in head. I believe cant let
convincing me! I I
JOE COOL: I? I? I ano? Ha? Sino ka? Sino ka dito? Wala ka puta ka! Sira ka! Wala ka!
MISS LYKA: You is the my insult why how dare is you are
PUUUUUUUUUKEEEEEEEEEE!
[Katahimikan.]
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JOE COOL: Beh?
Juday sa T.V. at inisip na, oo, dapat ako ang naging Mara sa Mara Clara?
may datung? Pinangarap ko rin yon! Pero binaon ko lahat sa lupa dahil
alam kong matutulog na lang ako sa karton sa ilalim ng tulay. Kaya ako
ko? Hindi, pare, hindi! Pero tiniis ko bawat segundo dahil kailangan kong
ako! At ngayon manghihimasok ka para sirain lahat? Pakshit ka! Dito ako
[Katahimikan.]
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[Sandaling katahimikan.]
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
[Hihinto.]
JOE COOL: Miss Icing Lips, hindi ako aalis dito hanggat di mo ko binibigyan ng
trabaho.
MISS LYKA: Gago ka pala eh. Sino ka para magsalita nang ganyan?
JOE COOL: Honey thighs, pagkatapos ng lahat, putang ina naihi pa ako, papaalisin
and knowing I.
MISS LYKA: Ano ka, interbyuwer? Tapos na ang pagsusuri! Di ka tanggap sa Dohesta.
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JOE COOL: Whos asking the opinion of yourself?
MISS LYKA: Anak ka ngsumusobra ka nang kumag ka! Kala mo kung sino umasta.
Alam mo, yan talagang mga katulad mo ang salot sa bansa. Kinokolekta
JOE COOL: Pakyu, Lyka Agurela! Ikaw dapat ipakulong. Kapalmuks! Chimay ka lang
dito.
MISS LYKA: Hindi ako chimay, tumbong ka! Umalis ka na ngayon din kundi
JOE COOL: Kundi you will telling the boss of yourself? Ge! Ge! Gusto ko makita yun.
Palabasin mo! Aalis lang ako rito kapag nakausap mo na ang boss mo!
[Hihinto. Itutulak ng binata si MISS LYKA. Mahuhulog siya kasama ang mga papeles.]
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JOE COOL: Hello, sir? Its me. The applicating. Joe CoJhoenard Jhun Abelar Kulata!
JOE COOL: I should like us to talking personality about the job offering.
JOE COOL: I will showing personality the resumi because I think the hiring of Agurela
is under qualification.
MISS LYKA: [Nakaambang hahagisan ng makinilya.] Lumayo ka diyan lang yang libag
ka!
JOE COOL: Mr. Karera! Mr. Karera! I recommendation the setting of fire to Lyka
Agurela. SET-TING-OF-FI-RE-TO-LY-KA-A-GU-RE-LA-MISSS-TER-
KAAA-REEE-RAAA
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MISS LYKA: [Di mabuhat ang makinilya. Biglang kambyo.] Parang awa mo na.
JOE COOL: I will enter, may I? Mr. Karera? I will enter, may I?
MISS LYKA: Gusto mo referral? Bigyan kita ng mga kumpanya. Kukunin ka sigurado!
JOE COOL: Sir? I need us to talking, sir! Let me into there. I need to face to face you!
[Biglang bubukas ang pinto at mahuhulog paloob si JOE COOL. Babago ang ilaw.
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
MISS LYKA: [Pinipigilan ang pag-iyak.] Alam ko kung di na ako kinakailangan. Di ako
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konting konsiderasyon sa damdamin ng tao. Hindi ako robot, puta ka!
dito! Magpakita ka! Tae ka! Bawat galaw ko naayon sa sistema niyo!
[Hihinto.]
[Magugulat at lubos ang kanyang takot dahil sa unang pagkakataon, tumunog ito.
[Pagkalipas ng ilang sandali, susugurin niya ang intercom at ibabato ito sa pinto.]
MISS LYKA: Ano akala nyo? Magmamakaawa ako sa harap nyo? Ipapahiya sarili ko?
Dyan kayo nagkakamali, mga buwaka ng ina nyo! May dignidad pa ako!
[Sandaling katahimikan.]
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[Aalis si MISS LYKA. Papasok kaagad si JOE COOL sa opisina na naka-uniporme, at
may bitbit na papeles. Ipupuwesto niya ang mga kagamitan sa dating kaayusan.
JOE COOL: [May pangamba.] Yes, sir? Im working it now, sir. Yes, sir. It shall be
be done as I promising you, sir. Thank you, sir. You can rest assured, sir!
[Papasok si MISS LYKA, may bitbit na papeles, kung saan unang pumasok ang binata.
Makikita niya si JOE COOL abalang-abala sa pagtipa, ngunit tila hindi niya ito kilala.]
TELON
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