Night of The Living Pharmacists

(Saul Bass-sty
(Saul Bass-style opening credits roll.)

(Scene opens on the Flynn-Fletcher house at sunset. POV tracking shot from someone
walking. We hear footsteps as the camera walks toward the backyard fence. The
cameraman opens the door to reveal Phineas and Ferb at work on something. Zoom in
closer to Phineas.)
Phineas: (gasps)
(Cut to reveal Isabella at the gate.)
Isabella: Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Oh, hi, Isabella. We were just building a polymer de-stabilizer for the
binding catalyst of the—
Isabella: That's great, Phineas. Listen, uh, there's something I wanna tell you.
Phineas: Okay.
Isabella: Uh, it's about this patch.
Phineas: Oh, it's one of your accomplishment patches.
Isabella: Yeah, but...it's an Emotional Bravery Patch that I can only earn by
walking up to somebody I—
Ferb: (clears his throat offscreen)
Phineas: Nice, Ferb! You found the new power supply!
Isabella: Um, Phineas? I, uh—
(Enter Buford and Baljeet.)
Buford: Hey, what's shakin', bacon?
Baljeet: You do realize that bacon does not shake.
Buford: Sir Francis Bacon?
Baljeet: I stand corrected.
Phineas: We're building a rubberization ray to give our skin rubber-like qualities.
C'mon! We'll show you!
Isabella: (sighs, to herself) So you see, Phineas, I can only earn the patch by
walking up to someone I care about and telling them face-to-face that I've got a
huge crush on you.
(Cut to Phineas and the gang at the machine.)
Phineas: Remember how much fun it was to bounce around the world on a rubber ball?
Baljeet: If not a bit nauseating.
Buford: That was the fun part!
Phineas: So, how awesome would it be to actually be a rubber ball?
Buford: I'm in! Can we shoot Perry with it and bounce him around the backyard like
a plat-a-ball?
Phineas: Um, no. But where is Perry?
(Cut to Perry entering his lair through the air conditioner. He approaches the
screen to see Monogram in a hot tub.)
♪ Doo be doo be doo bah ♪
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P, I see you found the new central air conditioning
entrance.
Perry: (Chatters angrily)
Major Monogram: What? Oh, the hot tub. Purely therapeutic. The bubbles work wonders
on a bad back. (The bubbles stop) Carl!
Carl: (exhales) I'm a little lightheaded, sir. Can I take a break?
Major Monogram: What am I not paying you for?!
Carl: Yes, sir. (inhales)
(The bubbles resume)
Major Monogram: Anyhoo, today's the unveiling of Danville's new water tower. Mayor
Doofenshmirtz is going to be dedicating it tonight at his press conference. We're
fairly certain that Doof'll attempt to disrupt the event in some way. Not only is
it high profile, but, since it's right next door to Doofenshmirtz Evil
Incorporated, it's also extremely convenient. So get out there and stop him from
doing whatever it is he is gonna... (the bubbles stop again) Carl! Bubbles!
Carl: (offscreen) Yes, sir. (groans and faints)
Major Monogram: Fine. You've got five minutes.
Act II
(Scene opens on the Super Duper Mega Superstore.)
Candace: (offscreen) Ooh, Stacy, the new issue of Blasé Teen is out.
(Cut to inside to reveal Candace reading a magazine and talking on her cell phone.)
Candace: You should see the models in these spreads. So indifferent. So
uninterested. So cool! (puts magazine back on rack) I wonder if you and I will ever
be this cool. What are you doing, Stacy?
(Cut to Stacy in her living room working on her television.)
Stacy: I'm trying to hook up this super-high-def-intelligent-multi-format-
entertainment-DVR system. I wanna keep the DVD and the VCR but I don't think there
are enough holes. I mean, there's also a pretty serious clicker situation.
(Cut to see what Stacy is talking about: a large pile of confusing-looking wires
and outlets, as well as at least a dozen remote controls.)
(Cut back to Candace.)
Candace: Well, I'm no help to you there. Talk to you later, Stace. Good luck.
(hangs up and looks at the magazine again) I wish I knew a girl like this so I
could hang out and absorb her coolness. (She puts the magazine down to see Vanessa
making the same pose as the model in the magazine.) (gasps) Vanessa! Hey, Vanessa!
Vanessa! Hey! Hey!
Vanessa: Oh, hey, Candace.
Candace: So, uh, doin' some shoppin'? I mean, duh! Of course, you're shopping.
You've got the items in the little basket thingy. You placed them in there with the
intent to— Stop, Candace.
Vanessa: Yeah, I'm just buyin' some snacks. Some of the girls are coming over later
for a movie night. Should be cool.
Candace: (excitedly) Wow! That sounds incredibly awesomely— (indifferently) Yeah.
Cool. Whatevs.
Vanessa: You wanna come?
Candace: Y'know, lemme just call my mom. I'd tell her I'd get those squirrels out
of the— (Vanessa leaves) Oh, oh, we're going now. (Candace follows her.)
(Cut to:)
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪
(Perry hang-glides onto the balcony. He walks around and gets trapped in a disco
ball. Norm picks up the trapped platypus and hangs him onto a wire where the ball
rotates around and he dances with Doof.)
(Song: Disco Miniature Golfing Queen (instrumental))
Doofenshmirtz: Woohoo! Time to boogie, baby! Whoo! Whoo! My hustle's out of muscle
but I can still shake my brick house or whatever the kids are calling it these
days. (a kitchen timer dings) Norm, get the doonkelberry pie out of the oven,
wouldja?
Norm: You got it, sir!
Doofenshmirtz: (turns the music off) Vanessa's having some friends over for a
little get-together, but I digress. Behold! The Repulse-inator! Whoever I hit with
this inator will automatically become repulsive. (pushes the inator closer to the
edge of the balcony) And, wouldn't you know it, my brother, Roger, is dedicating a
new Danville water tower right below my ledge! Once he's hit by a beam from this
baby, he'll become so abominable, so disgusting, so hideous, so noxious, so
grotesque, (cut to reveal Doof reading from a thesaurus) so ghastly... Uh, anyway,
Roger will become so repulsive that his popularity will plunge and mine will
skyrocket by comparison, facilitating moi to take over the entire Tri-State Area!
(Perry gives him a look) Don't look at me like that! I gotta good feeling about
today! It's gonna happen. The only trouble with it is that this particular inator
requires a lot more power than any other inator I've created for some bizarre
reason. And, uh, I only have one functioning wall outlet in the lab. (cut to reveal
the wall outlet overloaded with electrical wires and things) So, I'm gonna put a
lot of strain on that.
Norm: Your pie, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you, Norm. Owwww!! Ow! This is hot!
Norm: Oops. Sorry, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Did that just come right out of the oven?
Norm: (offscreen) Well, my hands are metal.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, now, mine are bacon, apparently. (shakes his hands) Look, I'm
shakin' bacon! You like that? It's a callback to something I didn't even hear! In
your face, logic!
Norm: Here's a potholder, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you. (to Perry) I'm gonna take this downstairs to Vanessa.
Party on, Perry the Platypus! (he flips the switch and the music and disco lights
resume)
(Cut to the backyard.)

Phineas: Ready, Baljeet?
Baljeet: Okay! (he gets zapped) Wuh! I still feel the same.
Phineas: Try jumping up and down a little bit.
(Baljeet jumps and bounces.)
(Song: Quirky Worky Song)
(When Baljeet hits a branch, the music skips like a record player.)
Buford: Oh oh! Now me! (he gets zapped) Woohoo! Awesome!
Phineas: Me, next! (He gets zapped.) C'mon, Isabella!
(Ferb gets zapped.)
Isabella: Hit me with your bounce shot! (She gets zapped.)
(Phineas and the gang bounce out of the backyard and around the neighborhood. They
bounce over the Googleplex Mall.)
Phineas: All right!
(They bounce over a "Take a Vacation!" billboard. They bounce into the Danville
Kangaroo Ranch and bounce with the kangaroos. They bounce into the clouds. They
bounce into some building windows, which make pinball noises. Cut to Isabella
bouncing alone. She bounces into a bookstore sign and past the Fireside Girls
Annex. She bounces backwards towards the Fireside Girls Annex. Cut to inside the
annex.)
Gretchen: (to Adyson) Isabella said she'd be here, so she'll be here.
(Isabella bounces up to the window and taps on it.)
Holly: I bet you all the muffins that wherever she is, it has somethin' to do with
Phineas.
Isabella: Girls! (taps again)
(Gretchen gets off the couch and opens the window.)
Isabella: Hi, Gretch!
Gretchen: Where've you been?
Isabella: I was over at Phineas' house and was rubberized by a machine they built.
Gretchen: Holly gets the muffins!
Isabella: Look, you know that Emotional Bravery Patch I was all set to earn?
Gretchen: Yeah.
Isabella: Well, I'm totally blowing it! I feel strong when I walk up to Phineas,
but as soon as I open my mouth, I completely choke!
Gretchen: Oh, Isabella, you're overthinking it!
(Song: Jump Right to It)
Gretchen: ♪ You better jump right to it, ♪
♪ Tell that boy how you feel. ♪
♪ Just get out there and do it, ♪
♪ It's not such a big deal. ♪
Gretchen and the Fireside Girls: ♪ You've been waitin' all summer ♪
♪ Now it's time to reveal ♪
♪ You better jump, jump, ♪
♪ Jump right to it. ♪
Gretchen: ♪ You've gotta step right up ♪

♪ You know he thinks that you're cute, ♪
♪ C'mon and bounce right up ♪
♪ Get off your patoot. ♪
Gretchen and the Fireside Girls: ♪ This isn't the time ♪
♪ To be shy, coy, or cute. ♪
Ginger: ♪ Why you waiting, Isabella? ♪

♪ Why hesitating? He could be your fella. ♪
♪ It's been your predilection ♪
♪ To move in the direction ♪
♪ Away from the romantic ♪
♪ And into the semantic. ♪
Fireside Girls: ♪ So it makes us somewhat frantic. ♪
Gretchen: ♪ Go on and get it, ♪

♪ 'Cause you're a real catch. ♪
♪ Hold your head high ♪
Ginger: ♪ You can earn a new patch. ♪
Fireside Girls: ♪ All summer long, ♪
♪ You sing the same tired song. ♪
♪ Jump right to it! ♪
Isabella: You're right! I should tell Phineas how I feel! Later, girls! Gotta
bounce! (jumps out the window and bounces back up) Literally!
(Cut to D.E.I. at night.)

♪ Doofenshmirtz Teenage Girl Movie Night ♪
(Cut to the living room where Vanessa and her friends are hanging out with
Candace.)
Vanessa: So I thought we could watch this foreign art film I found. Le Coeur Noir
De Douleur et de la Tristesse Douce.
Dana: Is that the one that's the neo-realistic portrayal of women's angst?
Heather: No, that's the other one. This one is about ennui.
Candace: Don't know if I've seen that one. Is it animated?
Lacie: So, Janice...
Candace: Candace.
Lacie: Nice black nail polish. And only on one finger? Rad.
Candace: Oh, it's actually a bruise. (chuckles) I slammed it in a drawer. Yeah, I
think it's probably gonna fall off soon.
Birgitte: Did you download the new Young Apparatus album?
Lacie: No way. They're sellouts. I'm only listening to Coffin Shadows now. They're
so independent, they pay you to download their songs.
Candace: Hmm. Coffin Shadows? I've never heard of them.
Lacie: New skirt?
Birgitte: Yeah, I turned it inside out, ripped it in half and then sewed it back
together.
Lacie: Get your brother to drive over it a few times. It really weathers it.
Candace: (chuckles) Wow! You guys know everything.
(knock on door. Cut to Doof in the door with pie.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hello, ladies! I'm here with homemade doonkelberry pie!
Vanessa: Dad, I thought you were going to stay upstairs! I've got the snacks
covered.
Doofenshmirtz: But, pookie, I thought you loved the doonkel-boonkel.
Vanessa: (takes the pie) Yes, I do love it and thank you, but (closes the door on
him) please, Dad.
Doofenshmirtz: A-Are you watchin' foreign films?
Vanessa: Dad!
Doofenshmirtz: Maybe-Maybe I could join you guys for a lively discussion.
Vanessa: Goodbye, Dad.
Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, I-I-I-I can't stay anyway. As we speak, my nemesis is
upstairs trying to work free from a trap that... So even if...if you wanted me to
stay, I, uh... (she shuts the door on him) Bye.
(Cut to Candace dialing her phone in the bathroom.)
Candace: Stacy, this is amazing! I'm at an actual party with cool older girls! They
know everything! They're so AHHHH! They're awesome! You've gotta get over here.
(Cut to Stacy in her living room.)
Stacy: Candace, I am so proud of myself! I think I totally hooked this thing up!
It's incredible! It has picture-in-picture-in-picture! I'll be able to watch a show
and then another show inside that show and then the first show again inside that
one! And I managed to get it down to one clicker! I'm about to give it a whirl!
(She points and clicks, but it turns off and on the TV of a neighbor's house behind
her.) Hmm. (The neighbor behind her gets up and sees his TV turn on and off again
in frustration.) Okay. Maybe there's still a bug or two to fix.
(Cut to D.E.I. upstairs. The disco music is still playing.)

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, party's over, Perry the Platy—
(Perry, already escaped from his trap, pounces on Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Oh! Ah, man! Ah! Uh, not to be high-maintenance or anything, but
d-do you mind we could fight a little quieter? Uh, the girls are watching a movie
and I don't wanna dis— I didn't mean you to walk away. (Perry comes back with
pillows.) I mean we could continue to fight. It's just they're so— (Perry whacks
him with a pillow) A pillow fight! Perfect! It's violent and quiet! It is on!
(Music: The Blue Danube by Johann Strauss)
(They resume their pillow fight.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, come on! Do I get to land one or not? (Perry hits him in the
face with a pillow.) I take that as a no? (Perry flings Doof and he hits a wall.
Doof spits out some feathers.) Talk about "down in the mouth". Get it? It's, uh...
Ah, whatever. Meet my friends, (holds up couch cushions) Poly and Ester! (He throws
"Poly" over at Perry.)
(Music: Flight of the Bumblebee by Rimsky-Korsakov)
("Poly" hits the fire button on the inator.)
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) Uh-oh! I think it's overheating!
(The inator powers up and fires.)
(Cut to in front of the Danville Water Tower where Roger is giving his speech.)
Roger: The dedication—
(Roger gets zapped by the inator beam and begins to grotesquely transform. His
glasses falls off and breaks. He faints from behind the podium. Cut back to Doof on
the balcony.)
Doofenshmirtz: Run! It's gonna blow!
(Perry runs away but gets trapped inside a cage, which gets covered by an anvil and
a box of bowling balls.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! Trapped ya! You'll fall for anything, Perry the Platypus!
(mockingly) "It's gonna blow!" (normal voice) As if, as if I would know ahead of
time when something's going to—
(KABOOM!!!)
Doofenshmirtz: That was purely coincidental. But, hey! I hit Roger! Oh, he's gonna
be repulsive now!
(Cut to the podium to reveal Roger now transformed into a zombie-like duplicate of
his brother.)
Doof zombie (Roger): (groans)
(The spectators scream and flee.)
(Cut back to Doof, who is now upset by this turn of events)
Doofenshmirtz: (angrily) I get it. Repulsive. I see. That's just the universe
making a joke at my expense!
Busty Woman: (gasps) What happened to Mayor Doofenshmirtz?!
Doof zombie (Roger): Lots of me...
(The Doof zombie grabs Melanie's arms and she also transforms into a Doof zombie.)
Doof zombie (Melanie): Lots of me...
Doof zombies: Lots of me...
(The Doof zombies touch a woman and a man and they transform.)
Man 1: No no no! Aaaaah!
Doof zombies: Lots of me... Lots of me... Lots of me....
Act III
(Open on a dark alley where Phineas and the gang are still bouncing.)
Phineas: Woohoo!
Isabella: Phineas! Hey, Phineas, I need to talk to you!
Phineas: Okay.
Isabella: No, (stops him from bouncing) I really need to talk to you and I'm just
gonna jump right to it! The thing about that Emotional Bravery Patch is that I need
to tell you...
Mrs. Feyersied: (offscreen) No! No! No! Get away! Aaah!
Isabella: Mrs. Feyersied? (to Phineas) One second please. (Isabella runs over,
lifts up her belt and instantly changes into her Fireside Girl uniform.) Good
evening, ma'am. Fireside Girl Isabella Garcia-Shapiro Troop 46231. What's the
emergency?
Mrs. Feyersied: Pharmacists! Pharmacists!!!
(Mrs. Feyersied runs away, followed by other Danvillians fleeing in terror.)
Isabella: What does that even mean?
(Cut to Phineas bouncing alone joined by the other boys.)
Phineas: What's everybody running from?
Baljeet: Uh, perhaps that?
(Whip pan right to reveal Irving alone filming something.)
Phineas: (offscreen) Irving?
Irving: Hi, guys!
Baljeet: (offscreen) No, that! Over there!
(Whip pan left to reveal dozens of Doof zombies stalking rampant and transforming
everyone they bump into.)
Doof zombies: Lots of me... Lots of me...
(Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro and the inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Head get touched and
transform.)
Buford: Well, that sure wiggles my biscuits.
Phineas, Buford and Baljeet: Run!!!
(They run away screaming and lean against a brick wall.)
Buford: What was that?!
Phineas: It's...some kind of pharmacist! And if he touches you, you turn into a
pharmacist, too!
Buford: I can't be a pharmacist! I know nothing about pharmaceuticals!
Baljeet: Then we gotta make sure those things never touch us!
Doof zombie: (touches Baljeet) Lots of me...
(The boys scream and run away. Buford picks Phineas up with the intention of using
him as a living shield. Baljeet runs away from the zombie, somehow unaffected.)
Buford: Stay back! You're infected!
Phineas: Buford, put me down!
Baljeet: I...I am okay! Really!
Buford: (puts Phineas down) Why are you okay?
Baljeet: I do not know!
Ferb: Perhaps our rubberized skin might be acting as an insulator.
Phineas: Of course! The contagion must be transmitted by electrostatic charge!
Doof zombies: Lots of me... Lots of me..., etc.
(The gang screams.)
Phineas: Let's bounce, guys! (They bounce away. Phineas comes back down.)
Literally. (He bounces back up.)
Baljeet: How long is the rubberization effect supposed to last?
Phineas: Not much longer!
Buford: I wanna recharge!
Phineas: Good idea! Let's get back to the backyard and re-rubberize!
(Cut to D.E.I. We hear the news on television. Cut to inside to reveal Doof
watching the news.)
Gordon Gutsofanemu: Good evening, I'm Gordon Gutsofanemu with a special report. The
Tri-State Area is in chaos tonight as thousands of repulsive mindless pharmacists
run rampant all over Danville!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, there they go with the whole "pharmacist" thing again! I-I
should become one, that-that would show 'em! I should become a pharmacist!
Gordon Gutsofanemu: We now go live on the scene with our own Action News reporter,
Don Adaded. Don?
Don Adaded: Thanks, Gordon. I'm standing here in downtown Danville. It's an
unbelievable scene. Pharmacists touching people who turn into pharmacists. Ah,
here's one of them now. Mr. Mindless Repulsive Pharmacist, care to comment?
Doof zombie: Lots of me... (touches Don)
Don Adaded: And there you have it, folks. I'm...
(Don gets transformed.)
Doof zombie (Don Adaded): Lots of me...
Gordon Gutsofanemu: (clearly frightened) Thanks...Don. L-Let's go to the weather.
Doof zombie (Weatherman): Lots of me...let's go to traffic...
(Cut to the chopper.)
Doof zombie (pilot): Lots of me...
Doof zombie (co-pilot): Back to you, Gordon...
Doof zombie (Gordon Gutsofanemu): Lots of me...
(Cut back to Doof's lab.)
Doofenshmirtz: I don't believe it! An entire army of mes! Heh heh! (runs to the
elevator) Oh! For once, I'll actually be able to take over the Tri-State Area
'cause I'll have, you know, the volume. Ciao, baby!
(Song: Army of Me)
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the lab coat on? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: I wonder who.
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the vacant expression? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: I'll never tell.
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ It's not a conclusion that it's so forgone. ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Okay, it's me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ And also me! ♪
Over there, that's me, too.
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the jutting jaw? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, baby!
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the receding forehead? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Hey!
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy living outside of the law? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Oh, that's me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ Get out of my way, ♪
♪ 'Cause anyone can see, ♪
♪ I'm about to settle down for some serious me-time! ♪
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ If you painted his picture, ♪
♪ It would have to be a mural. ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ 'Cause I'm tellin' you now, ♪
♪ I've never been so plural! ♪
Doofenshmirtz and the Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Look outside, you're bound to see ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ An army of me! ♪
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ An army of him. ♪
I'm ubiquitous, really, I'm everywhere!
♪ An army of me! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ A whole army of me! ♪
Doof zombie (female singer): ♪ Ah-dah, doo'n dah'n dah wow! ♪
(Cut to City Hall.)

Doofenshmirtz: Bingo! City Hall! The first step of my conquest to the Tri-State
Area! No longer will I be made fun of by small children and their silly jokes that
mock me! Like, "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Doofus in a lab coat!" "Doofus in a
lab coat who?" And then they hold up a mirror. That-That's not even a punchline!
It's just—Uh, nevermind. They will all soon learn to fear the name of Dr. Heinz
Doofenshm— (The Doof zombies walk away.) Hey, come back here! You guys are my army!
(Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house. Phineas and the boys bounce into the backyard.)
Doof zombies: Lots of me...,etc.
Phineas: Hurry! We're losing our bounce!
(Cut to the backyard to reveal a Doof zombie destroying the rubberization machine.)
Baljeet: Oh no! The pharmacists trashed the machine! Can we rebuild it?
Phineas: We can try, but we should do it inside. There's too many pharmacists out
here. Our rubberization is fading fast.
Buford: (attempts to bounce but falls) I DIDN'T BOUNCE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
(They walk into the living room and follow Buford screaming.)
Phineas: (closing the sliding door) Okay. We gotta get started on another
rubberization ray.
Buford: (runs and screams)
Phineas: Right after we calm down Buford.
(Cut to Stacy in her living room reconfiguring her television set. She turns it on
successfully.)
Stacy: Yes! Next, popcorn.
(She walks into the other room while the TV shows a Doof zombie in the newsroom.)
Doof zombie: Lots of me... Lots of me...,etc.
(Stacy walks back into the room and switches to her DVD screen.)
Stacy: And so begins The Grievance movie marathon. Special edition box set. Oh,
yeah. "Hey, Stacy, didja hook up that whole system by yourself?" "Yeah, no biggie.
Do it all the time." Heh heh. I rule.
(Cut to the D.E.I. living room where Candace, Vanessa and the girls are watching
the French film.)
Candace: So this is a French film subtitled in Spanish. Why is that lady wearing a
goat head?
Birgitte: Art isn't art unless it's difficult.
Candace: Mmm-hmm.
(A banging on the door is heard. Lacie walks up to the peephole and sees a Doof
zombie behind it.)
Doof zombie: (growls)
Lacie: Hey, Vanessa? Your dad's at the door.
Vanessa: Ugh! It's okay, don't pause it. (She opens the door to reveal three Doof
zombies behind it.)
Doof zombies: Lots of me... Lots of me... Lots of me...,etc.
Vanessa: Okay. (closes door) Something's weird here, because I know I only have one
of those. Lemme call him and see what's up. Hmm. Voicemail. Odd. Dad, your weird
clone-thingies are down here. Could you please just—
(A Doof zombie bursts his arms through the door.)
Vanessa: Aaaaaahh!!
Punk girls: Aaaaaaahhh!!! (they run away)
Vanessa: Come on, Candace! Come on, come on! Get in! (they run into her bedroom and
close the door) Okay, that's really wrong. Even by my dad's standards.
Dana: Check it out! (looks at her phone) It's all over the web! This isn't just
going on in this building. They're all over town and according to this, if one
touches you, you become one of them!
Punk Girls: Ewwww!
Lacie: We're doomed!
Candace: What's the big deal? I see weird stuff like this all the time.
Birgitte: I want my mommy!
Lacie: Life's gonna end and I'm wearing a fake tattoo!
Heather: Someone's gotta help us! I mean, we're in danger!
Candace: (through the side of her mouth) What a bunch of babies. (gasps) Wait a
minute! Weird situation plus danger equals Phineas and Ferb! Okay, calm down. I'm
on it! (dials her phone) Mom? Mom, I want you to check and see if the boys are
creating zombies!
(Cut to Linda in the bedroom putting away her laundry.)
Linda: Oh, I love it when teenagers get together and do party pranks! Do you win
the game if I actually do what you say?
(Cut to the living room where Buford is still freaking out.)

Baljeet: This has taken considerably longer than I have ever imagined!
Phineas: Buford, chill out! You're fine!
Buford: Whadaya mean, "fine"? I've got no bounce left! I'm totally unprotected!
Phineas: We'll build another rubberization ray.
Baljeet: Yes. It is not as if society has crumbled, Buford. The phone networks are
still up.
Phineas: We still have electric power.
Baljeet: And water is still flowing out the tap.
(Correction: Water was still flowing out the tap. Ferb's phone's power gets cut off
and the lights all turn out.)
(Cut to the city skyline of Danville as one by one all the lights shut off.)
Buford: (offscreen) Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!
(Cut to Candace in the D.E.I. bedroom.)

Candace: Mom? Mom, are you there? Something weird is going on! Not the usual weird!
A different, not-normal weird!
Vanessa: This is not my dad's everyday weird either.
(The punk girls grab each other and scream.)
Candace: Something tells me I shoulda just hung out at Stacy's.
(Cut to the oblivious Stacy.)

Stacy: (to the TV) Look out! She's right behind you! (the power shuts off) Ugh! You
gotta be kiddin' me! Talk about Grievance interruptus. (gets off the couch)
(Cut to the front yard of the Flynn-Fletcher house. Linda joins her husband.)
Linda: I just love blackouts. They're kind of exciting in a way.
Lawrence: Yeah, oh, yes. And it's one of the few times you get to meet your
neighbors.
Doof zombie: Lots of me...
Lawrence: Like this fellow here. Hello. Pleased to meet you. I'm Lawrence.
(Lawrence shakes his hand but he and Linda transform into Doof zombies.)
Doof zombie, Doof zombie (Linda) and Doof zombie (Lawrence): Lots of me...
(Cut to Phineas watching from behind the curtains.)
Phineas: Oh no! They got Mom and Dad! And without power, there's no way to repair
the circuits!
Buford: Game over, man! We're doomed!
Baljeet: No! There is always a way! Isabella teaches the emergency preparedness
class for the Fireside Girls. She could build a generator in her sleep. Is that not
right, Isabella? (who is not here)
Phineas: Isabella? I...I thought she was... Didn't anyone... Who saw her last? (He
freaks out just like Buford.)
Buford: "Buford, chill out. You're fine." I'm vindicated.
(Cut to somewhere in Danville where all the Doof zombies are doing their wreckage.)
Man 3: There's no Internet!
Man 4: I've got to know what's going on!
Martin the News Vendor: Yeah! Print is back, baby!
Man 4: Wait, this is all stuff that happened yesterday! (runs and screams)
(A Doof zombie touches Martin.)
Doof zombie (Martin the News Vendor): Lots of me, baby...
(Cut to Perry still trapped.)

Perry: (chatters and struggles)
(Perry looks at a giant mechanical hand and a remote under it. He attempts to reach
for the remote through a hole in the trap. He finally grabs it and pushes the
purple button activating the hand, which lifts up the box of bowling balls and
anvil freeing him from the trap. A bunch of Doof zombies climb over the balcony.)
Doof zombies: Lots of me..., etc.
(Perry looks for an escape and sees more Doof zombies fall out of a door. He walks
backwards but bumps into a box of toilet plungers. He takes two plungers and flings
them at the zombies. He goes into a door and blockades it with two boxes. However,
he is startled by another Doof zombie.)
Perry: (gasps)
Act IV
(Scene opens on Perry grabbed by what appears to be a Doof zombie, but is actually
the real Doofenshmirtz.)
Doofenshmirtz: Lots of me... Naw, I'm just kidding! It's...It's me! But those guys
are annoying, aren't they? Anyway, welcome to my Startle Space. I wanted a panic
room, but it was just prohibitively expensive. I just had to get to a place where I
could clear my head, man. Those other mes, they're really workin' my last nerve.
"Lots of me... Lots of me..." One of me is fine, but, ih, I can really be annoying
en masse. I'll admit it. So, uh, are you hungry? I got plenty of food. (Perry takes
down a can of almond brittle.) Or maybe you wanna play a game. I got some old
Drusselstein board games here, like, ooh, "Kleptocracy"! Vanessa used to love this
game when she was a— (gasps) Vanessa! Oh no! She's still in the building! We need
to stop those mes before they get to her or, or she could turn into me! That's
every child's worst nightmare! Well, (Stammers) not me, specifically, other
children are afraid of turning into me. It's just that I'm saying turning into your
parent. That's what's scary. (gasps) Vanessa! Vanessa! (He runs out the door.)
Doof zombie: Lots of me..., etc.
(Cut to the boarded up Flynn-Fletcher house.)

Phineas: (offscreen) I can't believe we left her!
(Cut to the living room where the boys are using lots of flashlights.)
Phineas: (pacing) I hope she's okay. She's just gotta be! I'm gonna check the
periscope again. Maybe she's back by now.
Baljeet: I will do it.
Phineas: Thanks, Baljeet.
(Baljeet walks up to a periscope. POV shot from the periscope revealing the zombies
stalking over the Garcia-Shapiro residence.)
Baljeet: Oh. Nothing but pharmacists as far as the periscope can see.
Phineas: Man, I hope she's okay. (sighs) If she's been turned into a pharmacist,
I'll never forgive myself.
Baljeet: Do not worry, Phineas. With all of her training, she will be fine. Just
last week, she earned her Judo, Hapkido, and Jujitsu Patches.
Phineas: Judo? Hapkido? But those are all grappling techniques! And if she touches
one of them, then... ih... Wait, wait. I bet she's at Fireside Girl Headquarters!
We've got to go there!
Baljeet: But that is all the way across town!
Buford: We can't go out there unprotected! We're sittin' ducks!
Phineas: Since our rubberization machine is toast, we're gonna need some sort of
insulating armor. Hey, Ferb, do we have any rubber lying around?
(Cut to Ferb standing in front of a pile of rubber items. He looks behind him and
shows it to his brother.)
Phineas: Two steps ahead as always. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do tonight!
(Cut to Stacy, still oblivious, in her backyard.)

Stacy: (scoffs) Figures. The power goes out right in the middle of the movie. Good
thing I got the power generator package option. Okay, let's see. (reading manual)
"For your safety, please make sure to wear included protective gear when operating
the generator."
(The Doof zombies appear behind her fence. Stacy puts on earmuffs and rubber
gloves.)
Stacy: Great! Here we go! (A Doof zombie attempts to stalk behind her, but she
pulls the chord and unintentionally punches the zombie unconscious.) Nice! Hooked
up a video system and a generator! I am good!
(She heads back into her house.)
(Wipe right to another alleyway. Shaun from the film Shaun of the Dead appears.)
Shaun: Don't touch me! I don't want to be a pharmac—! Wait a second... That doesn't
even make sense. You get touched by a pharmacist, you become a pharmacist? I mean,
you can't just grow a lab coat.
Ed: I don't know, perhaps the disease infects your clothin' as well.
Shaun: Infects my c— Are you insinuating that my clothes are alive? That's scarier
than these pharmacist saying... (gets touched and transforms)
Doof zombie (Shaun): Lots of me...
Ed: Oh, I s'pose I didn't really think that through. (gets touched and transforms)
Doof zombie (Ed): Lots of me...
(Cut to the D.E.I. building. Cut to the zombies chasing Perry.)

(Perry takes off his fedora and gets out a remote and pushes it. He jumps onto his
hang-glider away from the zombies. His wristwatch communicator beeps.)
Major Monogram: Agent P! (static) Agent P! Do not come— (static) —headquarters! It
is— (static) —life-or-Doof situation! (static) O.W.C.A. has fallen! I repeat,
O.W.C.A. has— (Crash!) (static) Agent P, we need you to find the source of the
contagion and protect those who haven't been infected. You're our last hope.
Carl: You're the Omega Platypus! But no pressure! Oh!
(Static)
Major Monogram: (transforming) Good luck, Agent P. Good—
Doof zombie (Major Monogram): Lots of me... Lots of me...
Doof zombie (Carl): Lots of me... I used to be Carl...
(Perry turns off his wristwatch and flies downward.)
(Cut to a playground also invaded by Doof zombies. Cut to a street where the now
protected Phineas and the boys sneak away hurriedly.)
Phineas: Okay, guys. Fireside Girls Headquarters is only a couple of blocks away.
(The Hightail Delivery truck's door lifts open revealing even more zombies.)
Phineas: Whoa! Look alive, boys!
(The boys crawl on their hands and knees and roll down a hill and run to a darkened
street corner where they see a four-legged shadowy figure.)
Buford: Oh, hey, it's a dog. Here boy! (whistles)
(The "dog" walks into the light to reveal it is actually Agent G, the goat agent,
now in the shape of Doof.)
Doof zombie (Agent G): Baaa...
(Buford runs backwards and screams.)
Doof zombie (Agent O): (hoots)
Phineas: What the?
Doof zombie (Agent M): (screeches)
(More OWCA agents are revealed to have taken on the shape of Doof.)
Phineas: Oh no! The contagion must have a different effect on animals!
(The Doof zombies/OWCA agents all chase the boys. Agent C attempts to peck at Ferb.
Baljeet throws a trash can at Agent M. Buford gets chased by Agent Pig. Buford and
Baljeet get a mop and wheeled bucket and swipe the mop at the animal-Doofs. Phineas
and Ferb ride on the mop.)
Phineas: They're following us!
Buford: Hold on! I'll try to lose 'em! Feet up, Ferb!
(Cut to Agent P still on his hang-glider seeing the boys get chased by the former
OWCA agents. He follows them. He gets caught by a bunch of hanging clotheslines,
which fling the Doof zombie animals backwards.)
Phineas: Looks like we lost 'em!
(The boys are now in the middle of a swarm of human zombies.)
Buford: Yes and no! Aaaaaaahhhh!
(Cut to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa! Vanessa! Alright, alright, party's over! I've had it up to
here with you mes! Y'know, I'm really getting sick of the sound of my own voice.
Now I understand where Charlene was coming from.
Doof zombies: (crowding Doof) Lots of me... Lots of me..., etc.
Doofenshmirtz: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
(Cut to the D.E.I. door where the zombies carry Doof out of the building and dump
him on the sidewalk.)
Doof zombies: Less of me... Less of me... Less of me...
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, typical. Typical. Yeah, turn on your creator. You guys are all
cliché, I'm just letting you know!
Act V
(Scene opens on Vanessa's bedroom. Candace blockades the door further with a
couch.)
Candace: That should hold 'em.
Vanessa: Okay, guys, we gotta figure out a plan.
Birgitte: We should totally split up!
Lacie: I'm gonna go hide in the bathroom where it's safe.
Dana: I know. I'll run off to check an obscure noise in the kitchen!
Heather: I'm gonna slowly walk backwards into a dimly lit room.
Candace: Really? See, if they watch more domestic horror films, they'd know...
Lacie: (groans offscreen)
Vanessa: Lacie? Are you okay? (walks up to the bathroom door)
Lacie: Oh. Yeah.
Vanessa: Feeling safer in there?
Lacie: (stoic) L-Lots.
Vanessa: Cool.
Candace: Wait a minute.
(Opens the door to reveal Doof zombies in the bathroom.)
Candace: (gasps)
Lacie: (gets transformed) Lots of...
Doof zombie (Lacie): ...me...
Candace and Vanessa: Run!
(Candace and Vanessa un-blockade the door and run out, leaving the other punk girls
behind.)
Dana: Oh, I knew we shouldn't have split up!
Doof zombie: (touching them) Lots of me...
Punk girls: (gasping)
Dana: Aaiiiiieeee!
(They transform.)
Doof zombies (Punk girls): Lots of me...
(Cut to Fireside Girls Headquarters.)
Giant Floating Doofy Zombie Head (Giant Floating Baby Head): Lots of me...
(Gretchen and Ginger, standing on each other's shoulders and dressed as a
pharmacist zombie, return to Fireside Girls Headquarters)
Gretchen: Katie, bar the door. (Katie does so) Is she back yet?
Holly: No sign of her. We've searched everywhere.
Milly: Where could she be?
Gretchen: She's probably still with Phineas and Ferb. She'll make it.
(a collection of tin cans ring out as an alarm)
Adyson: Perimeter alert! We have incoming.
Gretchen: Stations, everyone! (to Ginger) Put out that light. (Ginger does so)
Katie?
Katie: Yup. (turns to the door) Friend or pharmacist?
Phineas: (behind door) It's us, let us in! (Katie opens the door; Phineas, Ferb,
Baljeet and Buford enter)
Adyson: It's Phineas and Ferb!
Ginger: And Baljeet.
Phineas: Isabella, are you here?
Gretchen: (gasps) We thought she was with you.
Adyson: Isabella's still out there?
Buford: I toldja, man! She's probably wearin' a lab coat by now!
Phineas: It can't be!
Baljeet: I am afraid Buford is right, Phineas.
Doof zombie: Lots of me... (chatters teeth like Perry)
Baljeet: The odds of anyone surviving out there for this long—
Phineas: If anyone can do it, Isabella can!
Buford: It doesn't matter anyway! Sooner or later, they're gonna figure out we're
in here and then they're gonna come in here! They're gonna come in here and they're
gonna come in here and they're gonna come in here and they're gonna—
Gretchen: (slaps Buford) Lock it down, solider! No one is gonna get in here, ya
hear me?!
Buford: I am so in love with her right now.
Phineas: Okay, I'm running out of ideas. I don't know where she could be.
(A floorboard is heard banging. The boys and the Fireside Girls all gasp. The trap
door opens up to reveal...)
Isabella: I'm right here.
Phineas: Isabella! I'm so sorry we lost track of you.
Isabella: There's no time! We have a job to do!
Adyson, Ginger and Gretchen: (infatuated) OooooOOOooooh!
Isabella: We may be the only non-pharmacists left in Danville. I think I figured
out where this started. And if we could get there, we might be able to figure out
how it started and reverse it.
Phineas: Wait. How did you find out where it started?
Isabella: (uncapping a marker) Well, I'm glad you asked.
(Song: Triangulation)
Isabella: ♪ Roger Doofenshmirtz, we know, is six feet and two inches tall ♪
♪ And the beam that hit him left a weird impression on that wall. ♪
♪ So I took the angle from that point of where I knew he stood, ♪
♪ And I found the building just like that because I understood. ♪
Fireside Girls: ♪ Triangulation! ♪
Isabella: ♪ That's how I figured it out. ♪
Isabella: ♪ Now I'm left with no doubt. ♪
♪ The only geometric process using data I possess... ♪
Isabella and the Fireside Girls: ♪ That could pinpoint the conclusion of my
scientific quest. ♪
♪ Triangulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaation! ♪
Baljeet: ♪ Cha cha cha! ♪ That is a mighty upbeat song for a desperate situation.
Phineas: Huh, that building looks familiar.
(Isabella lifts up the screen she was using as a whiteboard during the song to
reveal the D.E.I. building out the window.)
Phineas: Oh. I guess that's why. Y'know, it might be a good idea to board that
window.
Katie: Oh! So that's why there was so much wood left over.
(Cut to Isabella as a Doof zombie arm attempts to grab her.)
Doof zombie: Lots of me... Lots of me...
Katie: And I definitely should have closed the window! (gets grabbed by the other
Fireside Girls) Eeee!
(Phineas, the gang, and the girls all climb down the trap door. Cut to outside the
headquarters. Pan right to a stump. It opens and Isabella checks to see if the
coast is clear. She and the other Fireside Girls climb out of the stump. The other
Fireside Girls put on their pharmacist zombie disguises.)
Phineas: Now what?
Isabella: We've gotta make our way to that building! I'm sure we'll find our
answers there!
(They all run towards the building.)
(Cut to Agent P looking through binoculars. He sees the kids running toward the
building. He looks up to see the street bombarded with Doof zombies. He gets on his
hang-glider and flies away.)
(Cut back to the gang. The Fireside Girls all pharmacist up to blend in with the
crowd.)
(Agent P fires his grappling hook downwards and it hits a trashcan. The zombies get
distracted by it and follow it.)
Gretchen: Where're they going?
Isabella: Doesn't matter. They're distracted. Let's move!
(Overhead shot to reveal the Doof zombies in a repo yard. Perry glides away from
them and closes the gate. He then looks in fear as he sees Agent F, Agent K, Agent
Bulldog, Agent Porcupine and Agent Pinky all transformed into Doof zombies!)
Doof Zombie (Pinky the Chihuahua): (growls)
(Cut to the D.E.I. hallway where Candace and Vanessa run from the zombies.)
Candace: In here!
(Candace and Vanessa walk into the stairway door. Vanessa ties the knob with a fire
hose.)
Vanessa: Ugh!
Candace: Phew!
(Thumping on the door is heard outside.)
Candace: What's going on with your dad?
Vanessa: I don't know. His schemes aren't normally this successful.
Candace: Wait! Phineas and Ferb!
Vanessa: I'm pretty sure this was not them.
Candace: No, I know. But they'll know what to do about it. (banging on the door)
Come on! Come on! Let's move!
Vanessa: I'm right behind ya!
(Cut to outside the building.)

Isabella: We made it!
Buford: Not a pharmacist in sight. Now's as good a time as any to rush in blindly,
don't you think?
Phineas: Okay, guys. Let's go...quietly.
(They attempt to go quietly, but one of the rubber duckies Buford is using to
protect his elbows squeaks and sets off a car alarm.)
Isabella: Here they come!
Baljeet: They are all over the place!
Phineas: Come on! Let's go!
(They flee from the Doof zombies.)
Baljeet: (screams)
Buford: Sanctuary!
(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford all safely make it into the
building's lobby. The Fireside Girls try to flee after them, but one of the zombies
steps on Gretchen and Ginger's disguise, exposing them. it is not long before the
other girls are discovered as well.)
Isabella: (gasps)
(The zombies gang up on the Fireside Girls. Gretchen tries to escape, but it is too
late; she transforms.)
Doof zombie (Gretchen): Lots of me...
Isabella: No! No!
Act VI
(Scene opens where we left Isabella. Phineas walks up to her.)
Isabella: I'm going back for them!
Phineas: You can't help them now!
(A Doof zombie presses its face against the glass.)
Phineas and Isabella: (scream)
(Phineas squishes the zombie into the revolving door.)
Phineas: Quick! Find something to block this door!
Buford: It ain't gonna be easy without ruinin' the feng shui of the lobby.
Phineas: Hurry! (A zombie rips his sleeve.) I'm exposed!
Isabella: Phineas, use this! (Tosses the Emotional Bravery Patch to him.)
Phineas: (catches the patch) Thanks! (He covers the rip with the patch.)
(Ferb blocks the door with a plant.)
Phineas: Nice work, bro! Thanks, Isabella! Are you all right?
Isabella: I'm all right.
Phineas: Buford, you okay?
Buford: I'm okay? (to Baljeet) You okay?
Baljeet: I am fine.
(A Doof zombie appears behind Baljeet and touches his face.)
Baljeet: (gasps and screams as he transforms)
Buford: BALJEET!!!!
Baljeet: Lots of...
Doof zombie (Baljeet): ...me...
Buford: (takes off his clown mask) That's it!
Phineas: Buford, what are you doing?
Buford: Look, I just lost my nerd! I'm not gonna lose the rest of my friends, too!
(takes off his rubber duckies)
Phineas: But, Buford, that's—
Buford: (stripping down to his underdrawers) Come on, you freaks! Fresh meat!
(screams) Yippee-ki-yay, you pharmacist freaks! Yippee-ki—
(Outside, he gets touched and transforms.)
Buford: (offscreen) Lots of...
Doof zombie (Buford): ...me...
Phineas: Y'know, he really could've been bait without taking his clothes off.
Isabella: Uh, yeah.
(Cut to Agent P surrounded by the OWCA-Doofs and the Doof zombies.)

Doof zombie (Agent B): (Growls)
(A helicopter whirs overhead.)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, need a ride? (a rope ladder drops down from the
chopper) Oh, oh, oh, wait, I should've said, "Need a lift?" That's what— I totally
missed it.
(Perry climbs up the rope ladder and into the chopper to safety.)
Doofenshmirtz: It's much safer up here, huh? You might still wanna buckle up,
though. It's my first time flying a helicopter.
(Perry buckles up.)
(Cut back to the lobby. Phineas and Ferb blockade the revolving door with the water
cooler.)
Phineas: That'll hold for now. But we gotta move before—
(A zombie makes his way through the door somehow.)
Phineas: Really?! Come on, guys! Head for the stairs!
Phineas: (attempts to open the stairway door) It's locked!
Isabella: Now what?!
Phineas: Any ideas?
Isabella: I got nothin'!
Phineas: Ferb?
Ferb: I'm petrified beyond all capacity for rational thought.
(The door behind them opens revealing Candace and Vanessa.)
Phineas: Candace?
Candace: Phineas!
Isabella: Candace!
Candace: Isabella?
Vanessa: Ferb!
Ferb: (no comment)
Phineas: Candace!
Candace: Phineas!
Isabella: Candace!
Candace: Isabella?
Vanessa: Ferb!
Ferb: (no comment)
Phineas: Candace!
Candace: Phineas!
Isabella: Enough! We have to get upstairs!
Candace: No way! The whole upstairs is crawling with ph—
Candace: Stairwell it is! What's with the rubber?
Phineas: It insulates against the infection.
Candace: I don't even wanna know how you figured that one out.
(Cut to the still oblivious Stacy watching her movie.)

Stacy: No! Don't walk into the kitchen, Grievance lady! Ohhh! Gosh! How could she
be so oblivious?
(Cut to the stairwell.)

Phineas: Just...keep...climbing...
Candace: (panting) This is enough cardi...cardio...to last me a lifetime.
(Cut to Doof and Perry in the chopper.)
Doofenshmirtz: Man, I've had off days before, but this is a lulu, even for me. I-I
never thought I could get so sick of myself. Oh, well. You know, at least with a
disaster of this proportion, things can't get any worse.
(Doof looks behind him as the Doof Agent B growls at him and he whimpers. The bear
fights Doof in his chopper. Doof and Perry almost fall out but hang on.)
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, Perry the Platypus, when you get a minute, grab the controls,
would you-
(While Doof and the bear fight, Perry takes control of the chopper and steers it
willy-nilly.)
(Cut to Doof's lab.)

Vanessa: This is it, my dad's floor.
Candace: Thank goodness.
(Candace, Vanessa, Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella walk up to the door and open it to
see countless Doof-zombies.)
Vanessa: Whoa, this place is crawling with them.
Isabella: (pointing to the destroyed inator) There it is! That must be where the
ray came from!
Candace: Ugh! If only there was a way to get rid of all those zombies.
(Right on cue, the chopper crashes into the balcony and whirs all the zombies
backward. Perry stops the chopper and the bear Doof zombie crashes into the panic
room door.)
Doof zombies: Lots of...
Vanessa: Strange and unusual.
Candace: Same old same old. Come on!
Doofenshmirtz: (coughs) Oh, I sure hope the poor slob who lives here has insurance.
That would be... (He looks around to see he is "the poor slob who lives here".) Oh,
crud. Vanessa!
Vanessa: Dad! (runs up to him for a hug) It's you! Okay, so what did you do?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, it was just a simple Repulse-inator, y'know to, to make Roger
ugly, but then, there was some sort of power surge and this happened!
Phineas: (tinkering with the inator) Well, that explains the electromagnetic charge
that's changing everybody. But we need some kind of conductor that neutralizes it.
Isabella: Well, water neutralizes static.
Phineas: Yes! Water should change everyone back!
Vanessa: Um, isn't that a bit of a leap?
Doofenshmirtz: No, I'm a scientist. I'm gonna go with 'im on that. I might have a
water pistol lying around. I-I can go get it.
Phineas: Yeah, but we've gotta find a way to get everyone in Danville wet at once.
Otherwise, the contagion could start again.
Isabella: We can wait till it rains.
Candace: Oh! We don't have time! And when does it ever rain here?
Phineas: Unfortunately, the water went out with the power. So we need to find a
large supplier of water. Preferably elevated so that gravity can work in our favor.
(Ferb points up to the Danville water tower.)
Phineas: Yeah, I know. We just need to build a pulley system to get us over there
and some sort of giant sprinkler to spray the whole city.
Vanessa: There's always lots of spare parts laying around here.
Doofenshmirtz: I like to tinker.
Phineas: Let's get to work!
(Montage: The gang all begin working on the pulley system and everything else. At
one point, Doof suggests a self-destruct button, but Phineas refuses it.)
(Cut to the Doof zombies regaining consciousness.)
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, fellas, I think you might wanna hurry up.
Phineas: You guys hold 'em off! And don't forget to rubber up!
(Candace and Vanessa put on rubber gloves and get out toilet plungers.)
Doofenshmirtz: (doing a karate yell and wearing rubber gloves on his arms and head)
Vanessa: Dad, why are you wearing that? Aren't you immune?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, everyone else was dressing up.
Phineas: That's it! Everything's built! Let's go over the plan. (They take out
scale models.) One: Ferb shoots the grappling hook, which attaches to the service
platform of the water tower. Two: We send the vortex sprayer up the line. Three: We
all ride up in the basket lift. Four: Once we reach the tower, I'll climb into the
top of the tank...
Candace: Talk faster!
Phineas: ...and open the hatch. Five: Isabella will attach the connecting claw to
the open hatch, which will move the vortex sprayer into place.
Vanessa: (offscreen) Phineas, we can't hold them much longer!
Phineas: Whoever makes it to the vortex sprayer first presses that button to
activate it! (Breathes) Alright, any questions?
Candace: Yeah, was it worth the time it took to build a scale model?
Phineas: Totally. Anyone else? Yeah, you in the back?
Vanessa: Hurry up, guys!
(Ferb fires the grappling hook and it latches onto the letter "V".)
Vanessa: Great shot, Ferb!
Candace: Vanessa, behind you! (gets touched and transforms) Oh, crud. Lots of...
Doof zombie (Candace): ...me...
Phineas: Candace!
Doof zombie (Candace): Lots of me...
Phineas: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Isabella: Come on, guys! We gotta go!
Phineas: Hurry!
(Isabella, Phineas and Ferb climb into the bucket and it pulls them up.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man, what I wouldn't give for that single-minded focus. Hey,
what's that over there?
(Cut to Perry attempting to climb out of the helicopter door, but he gets touched
and transforms, too.)
Doof zombie (Perry): (chatters) Lots of me...
Doofenshmirtz: No! Not Perry the Platypus!!
Vanessa: There's too many of them! Dad?! (gets touched and transforms)
Doofenshmirtz: No! Not Vanessa!!!
Doof zombie (Vanessa): Lots of me?
Doofenshmirtz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (takes off his gloves) That's it!
That's it! That's it! (takes off his lab coat and shirt) I've had enough of you
mes! (Doof is now in his underdrawers.) Alright, you freaks! Fresh meat! Yippee-ki-
yay, you pharmacist freaks! Yippee-ki-yay!
Phineas: Again with the clothes.
Isabella: I know. What's that all about?
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) This is yet another callback to something I didn't hear!
Isabella: Wow! Look at that! We may be the only ones left.
(The bucket begins swaying back and forth. Cut to reveal the Doof zombies pulling
on the rope.)
Isabella: Oh no! The line's breaking! We're not gonna make it!
Phineas: We have to! If we don't make it, Danville falls!
(The vortex sprayer makes it, but Phineas, Ferb and Isabella's bucket's line breaks
and it falls. Ferb somehow steers the bucket to land onto the stairway.)
Phineas: Is everyone all right?
Isabella: I'm good!
Phineas: And there's the vortex sprayer! C'mon, let's go!
(They run up the stairs panting.)
(Phineas, Ferb and Isabella are now surrounded by zombies.)
Phineas: We're not gonna make it!
Ferb: No. You and Isabella will make it. (He charges into the zombies.)
Phineas: Ferb! No!
(Ferb flings himself at the zombies.)
Ferb: (grunts)
(One of the zombies grabs Ferb's mask and touches him.)
Phineas and Isabella: Ferb!

Doof zombie (Ferb): Lots of me...
Isabella: Phineas! No! Don't touch him!
Phineas: Ferb! I can't just...
Isabella: I know! But the only way to save him is to keep going! Come on!
(Phineas and Isabella run up the stairs.)
Isabella: Phineas! Aaah!
Phineas: Hang in there, Isabella! We're almost there!
Isabella: It's just...If this is the end, there's something I have to tell you!
Phineas: Okay, shoot.
Isabella: For the longest time...
Phineas: C'mon! There it is!
Isabella: But, Phineas, Phineas... I LIKE YOU!!
Phineas: I like you, too, Isabella!
Isabella: No! I mean I like-you like you!
Phineas: Wow. I mean, gosh. I...I...I've always felt...
(A zombie hand reaches for Isabella.)
Isabella: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Phineas: Get away from her!
Isabella: Phineas! No! Ah! No!
Phineas: (Grunting)
(transforming and giving her a clamp) Go! LLLLL....
Doof zombie (Phineas): Lots of me...
Isabella: Oh, Phineas! (sniffles) Get it together, Fireside Girl! It's up to you to
save Phineas! (climbs up the tower) It's up to you to save Danville! It's up to
you... (Realizes what she is doing) to stop talking to yourself!
(Isabella opens the hatch of the water tower and puts the clamp onto the hole. The
vortex sprayer lifts up with a bunch of zombies riding on it. Isabella reaches for
the button but gets touched.)
Isabella: Aaah! (grunting) Got...to...Go! (She presses the button successfully but
still transforms and grunts) Lots of...
Doof zombie (Isabella): ...me...
(The vortex sprayer activates and sprays all of Danville starting with the Doof
zombie at the podium, who turns back into Roger.)
Roger: Is the ceremony over?
(Cut to the audience where all the Doof zombies there get sprayed.)
(The Doofs transform into some citizens and the Fireside Girls.)
(Cut to two Doofs on the roof of OWCA. They get sprayed and transform into Monogram
and Carl.)
Major Monogram: Carl, why are we holding our arms like this?
(Cut to another area where one Doof is lifting another Doof's lab coat.)
(They get sprayed and turn into a citizen, Baljeet giving Buford a wedgie, and
Beppo Brown.)
Buford: I dunno what happened here and I'm pretty sure I don't want to.
(Cut to the water tower where all the rest of the Doofs get sprayed.)
(They transform into some citizens as well as Shaun and Ed.)
Shaun: I still say this makes no sense at all.
Ed: I know, right?
(Cut to D.E.I. headquarters, where Candace and Vanessa are back to normal and
soaked.)
Vanessa: Oh, hey there, Candace. You okay?
Candace: Oh, yeah, totes. Just hangin' out, rockin' the wet lo— Oh, who'm I
kidding? Look at me.
Vanessa: Well, you're pretty cool under pressure.
Candace: You weren't so bad yourself.
Vanessa: Thanks. It was good hanging with you. We should do it again sometime.
Preferably without the threat of a zombie apocalypse.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm not makin' any promises.
Candace: Well, see you around. (she leaves)
Vanessa: Definitely. Come on, Dad. Let's go play a game of Kleptocracy.
Doofenshmirtz: That's my girl.
(Cut to the water tower. Phineas climbs up to Isabella.)

Phineas: Isabella. Are you okay?
Isabella: Yeah. Just a little foggy.
Phineas: What happened?
Isabella: I remember building the vortex sprayer, but after that, I've got no clue.
Phineas: Me neither. But whatever happened, it worked!
Ferb: Yes. Everyone seems to be noticeably lab coat free.
Phineas: At least everyone within the walled city of Danville.
(Overhead shot to reveal everyone outside the walls is now a Doof zombie.)
Isabella: (offscreen) Yeah, too bad about the rest of civilization.
Title Card: The End
(Zoom out to reveal the title card on Stacy's TV. She turns it off.)
Stacy: Pfft! Horror movies. Scary, but so unbelievable. (She leaves.)
End credits
(Song: Lots of Me)
Doof zombies: ♪ Lo-Lo-Lots of me... ♪
♪ Lo-Lo-Lots of me... ♪
♪ Lots of me... ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ At first, I was thinkin', "Hey, this is great!" ♪

♪ But there's more of me than even I can tolerate! ♪
♪ Plus, now I really notice I should lose some weight, ♪
♪ Get a shave, get a trim, exfoliate! ♪

L-L-L-Lots of me...
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Watch 'em milling about like a bunch of lost sheep, ♪

♪ Now everyone in town thinks I'm kind of a creep. ♪
♪ I'm not philosophical, I'm not that deep, ♪
♪ But I guess what you sow, you kinda gotta reap. ♪
Doof zombies: ♪ Lots of me... ♪

Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Now there's lots of me, yeah, there's lots of me! ♪

♪ If you wanna, you can play connect-the-dots with me! ♪
♪ Tell all the haters who been takin' pot-shots at me, ♪
♪ You gotta target what you fire, but there's lots of me! ♪

Doofenshmirtz: ♪ What I'm tryin' to say is there's lots of me!! ♪le opening credits
roll.)
(Scene opens on the Flynn-Fletcher house at sunset. POV tracking shot from someone
walking. We hear footsteps as the camera walks toward the backyard fence. The
cameraman opens the door to reveal Phineas and Ferb at work on something. Zoom in
closer to Phineas.)
Phineas: (gasps)
(Cut to reveal Isabella at the gate.)
Isabella: Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Oh, hi, Isabella. We were just building a polymer de-stabilizer for the
binding catalyst of the—
Isabella: That's great, Phineas. Listen, uh, there's something I wanna tell you.
Phineas: Okay.
Isabella: Uh, it's about this patch.
Phineas: Oh, it's one of your accomplishment patches.
Isabella: Yeah, but...it's an Emotional Bravery Patch that I can only earn by
walking up to somebody I—
Ferb: (clears his throat offscreen)
Phineas: Nice, Ferb! You found the new power supply!
Isabella: Um, Phineas? I, uh—
(Enter Buford and Baljeet.)
Buford: Hey, what's shakin', bacon?
Baljeet: You do realize that bacon does not shake.
Buford: Sir Francis Bacon?
Baljeet: I stand corrected.
Phineas: We're building a rubberization ray to give our skin rubber-like qualities.
C'mon! We'll show you!
Isabella: (sighs, to herself) So you see, Phineas, I can only earn the patch by
walking up to someone I care about and telling them face-to-face that I've got a
huge crush on you.
(Cut to Phineas and the gang at the machine.)
Phineas: Remember how much fun it was to bounce around the world on a rubber ball?
Baljeet: If not a bit nauseating.
Buford: That was the fun part!
Phineas: So, how awesome would it be to actually be a rubber ball?
Buford: I'm in! Can we shoot Perry with it and bounce him around the backyard like
a plat-a-ball?
Phineas: Um, no. But where is Perry?
(Cut to Perry entering his lair through the air conditioner. He approaches the
screen to see Monogram in a hot tub.)
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P, I see you found the new central air conditioning
entrance.
Perry: (Chatters angrily)
Major Monogram: What? Oh, the hot tub. Purely therapeutic. The bubbles work wonders
on a bad back. (The bubbles stop) Carl!
Carl: (exhales) I'm a little lightheaded, sir. Can I take a break?
Major Monogram: What am I not paying you for?!
Carl: Yes, sir. (inhales)
(The bubbles resume)
Major Monogram: Anyhoo, today's the unveiling of Danville's new water tower. Mayor
Doofenshmirtz is going to be dedicating it tonight at his press conference. We're
fairly certain that Doof'll attempt to disrupt the event in some way. Not only is
it high profile, but, since it's right next door to Doofenshmirtz Evil
Incorporated, it's also extremely convenient. So get out there and stop him from
doing whatever it is he is gonna... (the bubbles stop again) Carl! Bubbles!
Carl: (offscreen) Yes, sir. (groans and faints)
Major Monogram: Fine. You've got five minutes.
Act II
(Scene opens on the Super Duper Mega Superstore.)
Candace: (offscreen) Ooh, Stacy, the new issue of Blasé Teen is out.
(Cut to inside to reveal Candace reading a magazine and talking on her cell phone.)
Candace: You should see the models in these spreads. So indifferent. So
uninterested. So cool! (puts magazine back on rack) I wonder if you and I will ever
be this cool. What are you doing, Stacy?
(Cut to Stacy in her living room working on her television.)
Stacy: I'm trying to hook up this super-high-def-intelligent-multi-format-
entertainment-DVR system. I wanna keep the DVD and the VCR but I don't think there
are enough holes. I mean, there's also a pretty serious clicker situation.
(Cut to see what Stacy is talking about: a large pile of confusing-looking wires
and outlets, as well as at least a dozen remote controls.)
(Cut back to Candace.)
Candace: Well, I'm no help to you there. Talk to you later, Stace. Good luck.
(hangs up and looks at the magazine again) I wish I knew a girl like this so I
could hang out and absorb her coolness. (She puts the magazine down to see Vanessa
making the same pose as the model in the magazine.) (gasps) Vanessa! Hey, Vanessa!
Vanessa! Hey! Hey!
Vanessa: Oh, hey, Candace.
Candace: So, uh, doin' some shoppin'? I mean, duh! Of course, you're shopping.
You've got the items in the little basket thingy. You placed them in there with the
intent to— Stop, Candace.
Vanessa: Yeah, I'm just buyin' some snacks. Some of the girls are coming over later
for a movie night. Should be cool.
Candace: (excitedly) Wow! That sounds incredibly awesomely— (indifferently) Yeah.
Cool. Whatevs.
Vanessa: You wanna come?
Candace: Y'know, lemme just call my mom. I'd tell her I'd get those squirrels out
of the— (Vanessa leaves) Oh, oh, we're going now. (Candace follows her.)
(Cut to:)
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪
(Perry hang-glides onto the balcony. He walks around and gets trapped in a disco
ball. Norm picks up the trapped platypus and hangs him onto a wire where the ball
rotates around and he dances with Doof.)
(Song: Disco Miniature Golfing Queen (instrumental))
Doofenshmirtz: Woohoo! Time to boogie, baby! Whoo! Whoo! My hustle's out of muscle
but I can still shake my brick house or whatever the kids are calling it these
days. (a kitchen timer dings) Norm, get the doonkelberry pie out of the oven,
wouldja?
Norm: You got it, sir!
Doofenshmirtz: (turns the music off) Vanessa's having some friends over for a
little get-together, but I digress. Behold! The Repulse-inator! Whoever I hit with
this inator will automatically become repulsive. (pushes the inator closer to the
edge of the balcony) And, wouldn't you know it, my brother, Roger, is dedicating a
new Danville water tower right below my ledge! Once he's hit by a beam from this
baby, he'll become so abominable, so disgusting, so hideous, so noxious, so
grotesque, (cut to reveal Doof reading from a thesaurus) so ghastly... Uh, anyway,
Roger will become so repulsive that his popularity will plunge and mine will
skyrocket by comparison, facilitating moi to take over the entire Tri-State Area!
(Perry gives him a look) Don't look at me like that! I gotta good feeling about
today! It's gonna happen. The only trouble with it is that this particular inator
requires a lot more power than any other inator I've created for some bizarre
reason. And, uh, I only have one functioning wall outlet in the lab. (cut to reveal
the wall outlet overloaded with electrical wires and things) So, I'm gonna put a
lot of strain on that.
Norm: Your pie, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you, Norm. Owwww!! Ow! This is hot!
Norm: Oops. Sorry, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Did that just come right out of the oven?
Norm: (offscreen) Well, my hands are metal.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, now, mine are bacon, apparently. (shakes his hands) Look, I'm
shakin' bacon! You like that? It's a callback to something I didn't even hear! In
your face, logic!
Norm: Here's a potholder, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you. (to Perry) I'm gonna take this downstairs to Vanessa.
Party on, Perry the Platypus! (he flips the switch and the music and disco lights
resume)
(Cut to the backyard.)
Phineas: Ready, Baljeet?
Baljeet: Okay! (he gets zapped) Wuh! I still feel the same.
Phineas: Try jumping up and down a little bit.
(Baljeet jumps and bounces.)
(Song: Quirky Worky Song)
(When Baljeet hits a branch, the music skips like a record player.)
Buford: Oh oh! Now me! (he gets zapped) Woohoo! Awesome!
Phineas: Me, next! (He gets zapped.) C'mon, Isabella!
(Ferb gets zapped.)
Isabella: Hit me with your bounce shot! (She gets zapped.)
(Phineas and the gang bounce out of the backyard and around the neighborhood. They
bounce over the Googleplex Mall.)
Phineas: All right!
(They bounce over a "Take a Vacation!" billboard. They bounce into the Danville
Kangaroo Ranch and bounce with the kangaroos. They bounce into the clouds. They
bounce into some building windows, which make pinball noises. Cut to Isabella
bouncing alone. She bounces into a bookstore sign and past the Fireside Girls
Annex. She bounces backwards towards the Fireside Girls Annex. Cut to inside the
annex.)
Gretchen: (to Adyson) Isabella said she'd be here, so she'll be here.
(Isabella bounces up to the window and taps on it.)
Holly: I bet you all the muffins that wherever she is, it has somethin' to do with
Phineas.
Isabella: Girls! (taps again)
(Gretchen gets off the couch and opens the window.)
Isabella: Hi, Gretch!
Gretchen: Where've you been?
Isabella: I was over at Phineas' house and was rubberized by a machine they built.
Gretchen: Holly gets the muffins!
Isabella: Look, you know that Emotional Bravery Patch I was all set to earn?
Gretchen: Yeah.
Isabella: Well, I'm totally blowing it! I feel strong when I walk up to Phineas,
but as soon as I open my mouth, I completely choke!
Gretchen: Oh, Isabella, you're overthinking it!
(Song: Jump Right to It)
Gretchen: ♪ You better jump right to it, ♪
♪ Tell that boy how you feel. ♪
♪ Just get out there and do it, ♪
♪ It's not such a big deal. ♪
Gretchen and the Fireside Girls: ♪ You've been waitin' all summer ♪
♪ Now it's time to reveal ♪
Gretchen: ♪ You've gotta step right up ♪
♪ You know he thinks that you're cute, ♪
♪ C'mon and bounce right up ♪
♪ Get off your patoot. ♪
Gretchen and the Fireside Girls: ♪ This isn't the time ♪
♪ To be shy, coy, or cute. ♪
Ginger: ♪ Why you waiting, Isabella? ♪
♪ Why hesitating? He could be your fella. ♪
♪ It's been your predilection ♪
♪ To move in the direction ♪
♪ Away from the romantic ♪
♪ And into the semantic. ♪
Fireside Girls: ♪ So it makes us somewhat frantic. ♪
Gretchen: ♪ Go on and get it, ♪
♪ 'Cause you're a real catch. ♪
♪ Hold your head high ♪
Ginger: ♪ You can earn a new patch. ♪
Fireside Girls: ♪ All summer long, ♪
♪ You sing the same tired song. ♪
♪ Jump right to it! ♪
Isabella: You're right! I should tell Phineas how I feel! Later, girls! Gotta
bounce! (jumps out the window and bounces back up) Literally!
(Cut to D.E.I. at night.)
♪ Doofenshmirtz Teenage Girl Movie Night ♪
(Cut to the living room where Vanessa and her friends are hanging out with
Candace.)
Vanessa: So I thought we could watch this foreign art film I found. Le Coeur Noir
De Douleur et de la Tristesse Douce.
Dana: Is that the one that's the neo-realistic portrayal of women's angst?
Heather: No, that's the other one. This one is about ennui.
Candace: Don't know if I've seen that one. Is it animated?
Lacie: So, Janice...
Candace: Candace.
Lacie: Nice black nail polish. And only on one finger? Rad.
Candace: Oh, it's actually a bruise. (chuckles) I slammed it in a drawer. Yeah, I
think it's probably gonna fall off soon.
Birgitte: Did you download the new Young Apparatus album?
Lacie: No way. They're sellouts. I'm only listening to Coffin Shadows now. They're
so independent, they pay youto download their songs.
Candace: Hmm. Coffin Shadows? I've never heard of them.
Lacie: New skirt?
Birgitte: Yeah, I turned it inside out, ripped it in half and then sewed it back
together.
Lacie: Get your brother to drive over it a few times. It really weathers it.
Candace: (chuckles) Wow! You guys know everything.
(knock on door. Cut to Doof in the door with pie.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hello, ladies! I'm here with homemade doonkelberry pie!
Vanessa: Dad, I thought you were going to stay upstairs! I've got the snacks
covered.
Doofenshmirtz: But, pookie, I thought you loved the doonkel-boonkel.
Vanessa: (takes the pie) Yes, I do love it and thank you, but (closes the door on
him) please, Dad.
Doofenshmirtz: A-Are you watchin' foreign films?
Vanessa: Dad!
Doofenshmirtz: Maybe-Maybe I could join you guys for a lively discussion.
Vanessa: Goodbye, Dad.
Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, I-I-I-I can't stay anyway. As we speak, my nemesis is
upstairs trying to work free from a trap that... So even if...if you wanted me to
stay, I, uh... (she shuts the door on him) Bye.
(Cut to Candace dialing her phone in the bathroom.)
Candace: Stacy, this is amazing! I'm at an actual party with cool older girls! They
know everything! They're so AHHHH! They're awesome! You've gotta get over here.
(Cut to Stacy in her living room.)
Stacy: Candace, I am so proud of myself! I think I totally hooked this thing up!
It's incredible! It has picture-in-picture-in-picture! I'll be able to watch a show
and then another show inside that show and then the first show again inside that
one! And I managed to get it down to one clicker! I'm about to give it a whirl!
(She points and clicks, but it turns off and on the TV of a neighbor's house behind
her.) Hmm. (The neighbor behind her gets up and sees his TV turn on and off again
in frustration.) Okay. Maybe there's still a bug or two to fix.
(Cut to D.E.I. upstairs. The disco music is still playing.)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, party's over, Perry the Platy—
(Perry, already escaped from his trap, pounces on Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Oh! Ah, man! Ah! Uh, not to be high-maintenance or anything, but
d-do you mind we could fight a little quieter? Uh, the girls are watching a movie
and I don't wanna dis— I didn't mean you to walk away. (Perry comes back with
pillows.) I mean we could continue to fight. It's just they're so— (Perry whacks
him with a pillow) A pillow fight! Perfect! It's violent and quiet! It is on!
(Music: The Blue Danube by Johann Strauss)
(They resume their pillow fight.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, come on! Do I get to land one or not? (Perry hits him in the
face with a pillow.) I take that as a no? (Perry flings Doof and he hits a wall.
Doof spits out some feathers.) Talk about "down in the mouth". Get it? It's, uh...
Ah, whatever. Meet my friends, (holds up couch cushions) Poly and Ester! (He throws
"Poly" over at Perry.)
(Music: Flight of the Bumblebee by Rimsky-Korsakov)
("Poly" hits the fire button on the inator.)
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) Uh-oh! I think it's overheating!
(The inator powers up and fires.)
(Cut to in front of the Danville Water Tower where Roger is giving his speech.)
Roger: The dedication—
(Roger gets zapped by the inator beam and begins to grotesquely transform. His
glasses falls off and breaks. He faints from behind the podium. Cut back to Doof on
the balcony.)
Doofenshmirtz: Run! It's gonna blow!
(Perry runs away but gets trapped inside a cage, which gets covered by an anvil and
a box of bowling balls.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! Trapped ya! You'll fall for anything, Perry the Platypus!
(mockingly) "It's gonna blow!" (normal voice) As if, as if I would know ahead of
time when something's going to—
(KABOOM!!!)
Doofenshmirtz: That was purely coincidental. But, hey! I hit Roger! Oh, he's gonna
be repulsive now!
(Cut to the podium to reveal Roger now transformed into a zombie-like duplicate of
his brother.)
Doof zombie (Roger): (groans)
(The spectators scream and flee.)
(Cut back to Doof, who is now upset by this turn of events)
Doofenshmirtz: (angrily) I get it. Repulsive. I see. That's just the universe
making a joke at my expense!
Busty Woman: (gasps) What happened to Mayor Doofenshmirtz?!
Doof zombie (Roger): Lots of me...
(The Doof zombie grabs Melanie's arms and she also transforms into a Doof zombie.)
Doof zombie (Melanie): Lots of me...
(The Doof zombies touch a woman and a man and they transform.)
Man 1: No no no! Aaaaah!
Doof zombies: Lots of me... Lots of me... Lots of me....
Act III
(Open on a dark alley where Phineas and the gang are still bouncing.)
Phineas: Woohoo!
Isabella: Phineas! Hey, Phineas, I need to talk to you!
Phineas: Okay.
Isabella: No, (stops him from bouncing) I really need to talk to you and I'm just
gonna jump right to it! The thing about that Emotional Bravery Patch is that I need
to tell you...
Mrs. Feyersied: (offscreen) No! No! No! Get away! Aaah!
Isabella: Mrs. Feyersied? (to Phineas) One second please. (Isabella runs over,
lifts up her belt and instantly changes into her Fireside Girl uniform.) Good
evening, ma'am. Fireside Girl Isabella Garcia-Shapiro Troop 46231. What's the
emergency?
Mrs. Feyersied: Pharmacists! Pharmacists!!!
(Mrs. Feyersied runs away, followed by other Danvillians fleeing in terror.)
Isabella: What does that even mean?
(Cut to Phineas bouncing alone joined by the other boys.)
Phineas: What's everybody running from?
Baljeet: Uh, perhaps that?
(Whip pan right to reveal Irving alone filming something.)
Phineas: (offscreen) Irving?
Irving: Hi, guys!
Baljeet: (offscreen) No, that! Over there!
(Whip pan left to reveal dozens of Doof zombies stalking rampant and transforming
everyone they bump into.)
Doof zombies: Lots of me... Lots of me...
(Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro and the inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Head get touched and
transform.)
Buford: Well, that sure wiggles my biscuits.
Phineas, Buford and Baljeet: Run!!!
(They run away screaming and lean against a brick wall.)
Buford: What was that?!
Phineas: It's...some kind of pharmacist! And if he touches you, you turn into a
pharmacist, too!
Buford: I can't be a pharmacist! I know nothing about pharmaceuticals!
Baljeet: Then we gotta make sure those things never touch us!
Doof zombie: (touches Baljeet) Lots of me...
(The boys scream and run away. Buford picks Phineas up with the intention of using
him as a living shield. Baljeet runs away from the zombie, somehow unaffected.)
Buford: Stay back! You're infected!
Phineas: Buford, put me down!
Baljeet: I...I am okay! Really!
Buford: (puts Phineas down) Why are you okay?
Baljeet: I do not know!
Ferb: Perhaps our rubberized skin might be acting as an insulator.
Phineas: Of course! The contagion must be transmitted by electrostatic charge!
(The gang screams.)
Phineas: Let's bounce, guys! (They bounce away. Phineas comes back down.)
Literally. (He bounces back up.)
Baljeet: How long is the rubberization effect supposed to last?
Phineas: Not much longer!
Buford: I wanna recharge!
Phineas: Good idea! Let's get back to the backyard and re-rubberize!
(Cut to D.E.I. We hear the news on television. Cut to inside to reveal Doof
watching the news.)
Gordon Gutsofanemu: Good evening, I'm Gordon Gutsofanemu with a special report. The
Tri-State Area is in chaos tonight as thousands of repulsive mindless pharmacists
run rampant all over Danville!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, there they go with the whole "pharmacist" thing again! I-I
should become one, that-that would show 'em! I should become a pharmacist!
Gordon Gutsofanemu: We now go live on the scene with our own Action News reporter,
Don Adaded. Don?
Don Adaded: Thanks, Gordon. I'm standing here in downtown Danville. It's an
unbelievable scene. Pharmacists touching people who turn into pharmacists. Ah,
here's one of them now. Mr. Mindless Repulsive Pharmacist, care to comment?
Doof zombie: Lots of me... (touches Don)
Don Adaded: And there you have it, folks. I'm...
(Don gets transformed.)
Doof zombie (Don Adaded): Lots of me...
Gordon Gutsofanemu: (clearly frightened) Thanks...Don. L-Let's go to the weather.
Doof zombie (Weatherman): Lots of me...let's go to traffic...
(Cut to the chopper.)
Doof zombie (pilot): Lots of me...
Doof zombie (co-pilot): Back to you, Gordon...
Doof zombie (Gordon Gutsofanemu): Lots of me...
(Cut back to Doof's lab.)
Doofenshmirtz: I don't believe it! An entire army of mes! Heh heh! (runs to the
elevator) Oh! For once, I'll actually be able to take over the Tri-State Area
'cause I'll have, you know, the volume. Ciao, baby!
(Song: Army of Me)
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the lab coat on? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: I wonder who.
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the vacant expression? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: I'll never tell.
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ It's not a conclusion that it's so forgone. ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Okay, it's me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
Over there, that's me, too.
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the jutting jaw? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, baby!
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy with the receding forehead? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Hey!
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Who's that guy living outside of the law? ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Oh, that's me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ And me, ♪
♪ Get out of my way, ♪
♪ 'Cause anyone can see, ♪
♪ I'm about to settle down for some serious me-time! ♪
The Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ If you painted his picture, ♪
♪ It would have to be a mural. ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ 'Cause I'm tellin' you now, ♪
♪ I've never been so plural! ♪
Doofenshmirtz and the Fake Andrews Sisters: ♪ Look outside, you're bound to see ♪
I'm ubiquitous, really, I'm everywhere!
♪ An army of me! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ A whole army of me! ♪
Doof zombie (female singer): ♪ Ah-dah, doo'n dah'n dah wow! ♪
(Cut to City Hall.)
Doofenshmirtz: Bingo! City Hall! The first step of my conquest to the Tri-State
Area! No longer will I be made fun of by small children and their silly jokes that
mock me! Like, "Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "Doofus in a lab coat!" "Doofus in a
lab coat who?" And then they hold up a mirror. That-That's not even a punchline!
It's just—Uh, nevermind. They will all soon learn to fear the name of Dr. Heinz
Doofenshm— (The Doof zombies walk away.)Hey, come back here! You guys are my army!
(Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house. Phineas and the boys bounce into the backyard.)
Phineas: Hurry! We're losing our bounce!
(Cut to the backyard to reveal a Doof zombie destroying the rubberization machine.)
Baljeet: Oh no! The pharmacists trashed the machine! Can we rebuild it?
Phineas: We can try, but we should do it inside. There's too many pharmacists out
here. Our rubberization is fading fast.
Buford: (attempts to bounce but falls) I DIDN'T BOUNCE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
(They walk into the living room and follow Buford screaming.)
Phineas: (closing the sliding door) Okay. We gotta get started on another
rubberization ray.
Buford: (runs and screams)
Phineas: Right after we calm down Buford.
(Cut to Stacy in her living room reconfiguring her television set. She turns it on
successfully.)
Stacy: Yes! Next, popcorn.
(She walks into the other room while the TV shows a Doof zombie in the newsroom.)
Doof zombie: Lots of me... Lots of me...,etc.
(Stacy walks back into the room and switches to her DVD screen.)
Stacy: And so begins The Grievance movie marathon. Special edition box set. Oh,
yeah. "Hey, Stacy, didja hook up that whole system by yourself?" "Yeah, no biggie.
Do it all the time." Heh heh. I rule.
(Cut to the D.E.I. living room where Candace, Vanessa and the girls are watching
the French film.)
Candace: So this is a French film subtitled in Spanish. Why is that lady wearing a
goat head?
Birgitte: Art isn't art unless it's difficult.
Candace: Mmm-hmm.
(A banging on the door is heard. Lacie walks up to the peephole and sees a Doof
zombie behind it.)
Doof zombie: (growls)
Lacie: Hey, Vanessa? Your dad's at the door.
Vanessa: Ugh! It's okay, don't pause it. (She opens the door to reveal three Doof
zombies behind it.)
Vanessa: Okay. (closes door) Something's weird here, because I know I only have one
of those. Lemme call him and see what's up. Hmm. Voicemail. Odd. Dad, your weird
clone-thingies are down here. Could you please just—
(A Doof zombie bursts his arms through the door.)
Vanessa: Aaaaaahh!!
Punk girls: Aaaaaaahhh!!! (they run away)
Vanessa: Come on, Candace! Come on, come on! Get in! (they run into her bedroom and
close the door) Okay, that's really wrong. Even by my dad's standards.
Dana: Check it out! (looks at her phone) It's all over the web! This isn't just
going on in this building. They're all over town and according to this, if one
touches you, you become one of them!
Punk Girls: Ewwww!
Lacie: We're doomed!
Candace: What's the big deal? I see weird stuff like this all the time.
Birgitte: I want my mommy!
Lacie: Life's gonna end and I'm wearing a fake tattoo!
Heather: Someone's gotta help us! I mean, we're in danger!
Candace: (through the side of her mouth) What a bunch of babies. (gasps) Wait a
minute! Weird situation plus danger equals Phineas and Ferb! Okay, calm down. I'm
on it! (dials her phone) Mom? Mom, I want you to check and see if the boys are
creating zombies!
(Cut to Linda in the bedroom putting away her laundry.)
Linda: Oh, I love it when teenagers get together and do party pranks! Do you win
the game if I actually do what you say?
(Cut to the living room where Buford is still freaking out.)
Baljeet: This has taken considerably longer than I have ever imagined!
Phineas: Buford, chill out! You're fine!
Buford: Whadaya mean, "fine"? I've got no bounce left! I'm totally unprotected!
Phineas: We'll build another rubberization ray.
Baljeet: Yes. It is not as if society has crumbled, Buford. The phone networks are
still up.
Phineas: We still have electric power.
Baljeet: And water is still flowing out the tap.
(Correction: Water was still flowing out the tap. Ferb's phone's power gets cut off
and the lights all turn out.)
(Cut to the city skyline of Danville as one by one all the lights shut off.)
Buford: (offscreen) Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!
(Cut to Candace in the D.E.I. bedroom.)
Candace: Mom? Mom, are you there? Something weird is going on! Not the usual weird!
A different, not-normal weird!
Vanessa: This is not my dad's everyday weird either.
(The punk girls grab each other and scream.)
Candace: Something tells me I shoulda just hung out at Stacy's.
(Cut to the oblivious Stacy.)
Stacy: (to the TV) Look out! She's right behind you! (the power shuts off) Ugh! You
gotta be kiddin' me! Talk about Grievance interruptus. (gets off the couch)
(Cut to the front yard of the Flynn-Fletcher house. Linda joins her husband.)
Linda: I just love blackouts. They're kind of exciting in a way.
Lawrence: Yeah, oh, yes. And it's one of the few times you get to meet your
neighbors.
Lawrence: Like this fellow here. Hello. Pleased to meet you. I'm Lawrence.
(Lawrence shakes his hand but he and Linda transform into Doof zombies.)
Doof zombie, Doof zombie (Linda) and Doof zombie (Lawrence): Lots of me...
(Cut to Phineas watching from behind the curtains.)
Phineas: Oh no! They got Mom and Dad! And without power, there's no way to repair
the circuits!
Buford: Game over, man! We're doomed!
Baljeet: No! There is always a way! Isabella teaches the emergency preparedness
class for the Fireside Girls. She could build a generator in her sleep. Is that not
right, Isabella? (who is not here)
Phineas: Isabella? I...I thought she was... Didn't anyone... Who saw her last? (He
freaks out just like Buford.)
Buford: "Buford, chill out. You're fine." I'm vindicated.
(Cut to somewhere in Danville where all the Doof zombies are doing their wreckage.)
Man 3: There's no Internet!
Man 4: I've got to know what's going on!
Martin the News Vendor: Yeah! Print is back, baby!
Man 4: Wait, this is all stuff that happened yesterday! (runs and screams)
(A Doof zombie touches Martin.)
Doof zombie (Martin the News Vendor): Lots of me, baby...
(Cut to Perry still trapped.)
Perry: (chatters and struggles)
(Perry looks at a giant mechanical hand and a remote under it. He attempts to reach
for the remote through a hole in the trap. He finally grabs it and pushes the
purple button activating the hand, which lifts up the box of bowling balls and
anvil freeing him from the trap. A bunch of Doof zombies climb over the balcony.)
(Perry looks for an escape and sees more Doof zombies fall out of a door. He walks
backwards but bumps into a box of toilet plungers. He takes two plungers and flings
them at the zombies. He goes into a door and blockades it with two boxes. However,
he is startled by another Doof zombie.)
Perry: (gasps)
Act IV
(Scene opens on Perry grabbed by what appears to be a Doof zombie, but is actually
the real Doofenshmirtz.)
Doofenshmirtz: Lots of me... Naw, I'm just kidding! It's...It's me! But those guys
are annoying, aren't they? Anyway, welcome to my Startle Space. I wanted a panic
room, but it was just prohibitively expensive. I just had to get to a place where I
could clear my head, man. Those other mes, they're really workin' my last nerve.
"Lots of me... Lots of me..." One of me is fine, but, ih, I can really be annoying
en masse. I'll admit it. So, uh, are you hungry? I got plenty of food. (Perry takes
down a can of almond brittle.) Or maybe you wanna play a game. I got some old
Drusselstein board games here, like, ooh, "Kleptocracy"! Vanessa used to love this
game when she was a— (gasps) Vanessa! Oh no! She's still in the building! We need
to stop those mes before they get to her or, or she could turn into me! That's
every child's worst nightmare! Well, (Stammers) not me, specifically, other
children are afraid of turning into me. It's just that I'm saying turning into your
parent. That's what's scary. (gasps)Vanessa! Vanessa! (He runs out the door.)
Doof zombie: Lots of me..., etc.
(Cut to the boarded up Flynn-Fletcher house.)
Phineas: (offscreen) I can't believe we left her!
(Cut to the living room where the boys are using lots of flashlights.)
Phineas: (pacing) I hope she's okay. She's just gotta be! I'm gonna check the
periscope again. Maybe she's back by now.
Baljeet: I will do it.
Phineas: Thanks, Baljeet.
(Baljeet walks up to a periscope. POV shot from the periscope revealing the zombies
stalking over the Garcia-Shapiro residence.)
Baljeet: Oh. Nothing but pharmacists as far as the periscope can see.
Phineas: Man, I hope she's okay. (sighs) If she's been turned into a pharmacist,
I'll never forgive myself.
Baljeet: Do not worry, Phineas. With all of her training, she will be fine. Just
last week, she earned her Judo, Hapkido, and Jujitsu Patches.
Phineas: Judo? Hapkido? But those are all grappling techniques! And if she touches
one of them, then... ih... Wait, wait. I bet she's at Fireside Girl Headquarters!
We've got to go there!
Baljeet: But that is all the way across town!
Buford: We can't go out there unprotected! We're sittin' ducks!
Phineas: Since our rubberization machine is toast, we're gonna need some sort of
insulating armor. Hey, Ferb, do we have any rubber lying around?
(Cut to Ferb standing in front of a pile of rubber items. He looks behind him and
shows it to his brother.)
Phineas: Two steps ahead as always. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do tonight!
(Cut to Stacy, still oblivious, in her backyard.)
Stacy: (scoffs) Figures. The power goes out right in the middle of the movie. Good
thing I got the power generator package option. Okay, let's see. (reading manual)
"For your safety, please make sure to wear included protective gear when operating
the generator."
(The Doof zombies appear behind her fence. Stacy puts on earmuffs and rubber
gloves.)
Stacy: Great! Here we go! (A Doof zombie attempts to stalk behind her, but she
pulls the chord and unintentionally punches the zombie unconscious.) Nice! Hooked
up a video system and a generator! I am good!
(She heads back into her house.)
(Wipe right to another alleyway. Shaun from the film Shaun of the Dead appears.)
Shaun: Don't touch me! I don't want to be a pharmac—! Wait a second... That doesn't
even make sense. You get touched by a pharmacist, you become a pharmacist? I mean,
you can't just grow a lab coat.
Ed: I don't know, perhaps the disease infects your clothin' as well.
Shaun: Infects my c— Are you insinuating that my clothes are alive? That's scarier
than these pharmacist saying... (gets touched and transforms)
Doof zombie (Shaun): Lots of me...
Ed: Oh, I s'pose I didn't really think that through. (gets touched and transforms)
Doof zombie (Ed): Lots of me...
(Cut to the D.E.I. building. Cut to the zombies chasing Perry.)
(Perry takes off his fedora and gets out a remote and pushes it. He jumps onto his
hang-glider away from the zombies. His wristwatch communicator beeps.)
Major Monogram: Agent P! (static) Agent P! Do not come— (static) —headquarters! It
is— (static) —life-or-Doof situation! (static) O.W.C.A. has fallen! I repeat,
O.W.C.A. has— (Crash!) (static) Agent P, we need you to find the source of the
contagion and protect those who haven't been infected. You're our last hope.
Carl: You're the Omega Platypus! But no pressure! Oh!
(Static)
Major Monogram: (transforming) Good luck, Agent P. Good—
Doof zombie (Major Monogram): Lots of me... Lots of me...
Doof zombie (Carl): Lots of me... I used to be Carl...
(Perry turns off his wristwatch and flies downward.)
(Cut to a playground also invaded by Doof zombies. Cut to a street where the now
protected Phineas and the boys sneak away hurriedly.)
Phineas: Okay, guys. Fireside Girls Headquarters is only a couple of blocks away.
(The Hightail Delivery truck's door lifts open revealing even more zombies.)
Phineas: Whoa! Look alive, boys!
(The boys crawl on their hands and knees and roll down a hill and run to a darkened
street corner where they see a four-legged shadowy figure.)
Buford: Oh, hey, it's a dog. Here boy! (whistles)
(The "dog" walks into the light to reveal it is actually Agent G, the goat agent,
now in the shape of Doof.)
Doof zombie (Agent G): Baaa...
(Buford runs backwards and screams.)
Doof zombie (Agent O): (hoots)
Phineas: What the?
Doof zombie (Agent M): (screeches)
(More OWCA agents are revealed to have taken on the shape of Doof.)
Phineas: Oh no! The contagion must have a different effect on animals!
(The Doof zombies/OWCA agents all chase the boys. Agent C attempts to peck at Ferb.
Baljeet throws a trash can at Agent M. Buford gets chased by Agent Pig. Buford and
Baljeet get a mop and wheeled bucket and swipe the mop at the animal-Doofs. Phineas
and Ferb ride on the mop.)
Phineas: They're following us!
Buford: Hold on! I'll try to lose 'em! Feet up, Ferb!
(Cut to Agent P still on his hang-glider seeing the boys get chased by the former
OWCA agents. He follows them. He gets caught by a bunch of hanging clotheslines,
which fling the Doof zombie animals backwards.)
Phineas: Looks like we lost 'em!
(The boys are now in the middle of a swarm of human zombies.)
Buford: Yes and no! Aaaaaaahhhh!
(Cut to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa! Vanessa! Alright, alright, party's over! I've had it up to
here with you mes! Y'know, I'm really getting sick of the sound of my own voice.
Now I understand where Charlene was coming from.
Doof zombies: (crowding Doof) Lots of me... Lots of me..., etc.
Doofenshmirtz: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
(Cut to the D.E.I. door where the zombies carry Doof out of the building and dump
him on the sidewalk.)
Doof zombies: Less of me... Less of me... Less of me...
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, typical. Typical. Yeah, turn on your creator. You guys are all
cliché, I'm just letting you know!
Act V
(Scene opens on Vanessa's bedroom. Candace blockades the door further with a
couch.)
Candace: That should hold 'em.
Vanessa: Okay, guys, we gotta figure out a plan.
Birgitte: We should totally split up!
Lacie: I'm gonna go hide in the bathroom where it's safe.
Dana: I know. I'll run off to check an obscure noise in the kitchen!
Heather: I'm gonna slowly walk backwards into a dimly lit room.
Candace: Really? See, if they watch more domestic horror films, they'd know...
Lacie: (groans offscreen)
Vanessa: Lacie? Are you okay? (walks up to the bathroom door)
Lacie: Oh. Yeah.
Vanessa: Feeling safer in there?
Lacie: (stoic) L-Lots.
Vanessa: Cool.
Candace: Wait a minute.
(Opens the door to reveal Doof zombies in the bathroom.)
Candace: (gasps)
Lacie: (gets transformed) Lots of...
Doof zombie (Lacie): ...me...
Candace and Vanessa: Run!
(Candace and Vanessa un-blockade the door and run out, leaving the other punk girls
behind.)
Dana: Oh, I knew we shouldn't have split up!
Doof zombie: (touching them) Lots of me...
Punk girls: (gasping)
Dana: Aaiiiiieeee!
(They transform.)
Doof zombies (Punk girls): Lots of me...
(Cut to Fireside Girls Headquarters.)
Giant Floating Doofy Zombie Head (Giant Floating Baby Head): Lots of me...
(Gretchen and Ginger, standing on each other's shoulders and dressed as a
pharmacist zombie, return to Fireside Girls Headquarters)
Gretchen: Katie, bar the door. (Katie does so) Is she back yet?
Holly: No sign of her. We've searched everywhere.
Milly: Where could she be?
Gretchen: She's probably still with Phineas and Ferb. She'll make it.
(a collection of tin cans ring out as an alarm)
Adyson: Perimeter alert! We have incoming.
Gretchen: Stations, everyone! (to Ginger) Put out that light. (Ginger does so)
Katie?
Katie: Yup. (turns to the door) Friend or pharmacist?
Phineas: (behind door) It's us, let us in! (Katie opens the door; Phineas, Ferb,
Baljeet and Buford enter)
Adyson: It's Phineas and Ferb!
Ginger: And Baljeet.
Phineas: Isabella, are you here?
Gretchen: (gasps) We thought she was with you.
Adyson: Isabella's still out there?
Buford: I toldja, man! She's probably wearin' a lab coat by now!
Phineas: It can't be!
Baljeet: I am afraid Buford is right, Phineas.
Doof zombie: Lots of me... (chatters teeth like Perry)
Baljeet: The odds of anyone surviving out there for this long—
Phineas: If anyone can do it, Isabella can!
Buford: It doesn't matter anyway! Sooner or later, they're gonna figure out we're
in here and then they're gonna come in here! They're gonna come in here and they're
gonna come in here and they're gonna come in here and they're gonna—
Gretchen: (slaps Buford) Lock it down, solider! No one is gonna get in here, ya
hear me?!
Buford: I am so in love with her right now.
Phineas: Okay, I'm running out of ideas. I don't know where she could be.
(A floorboard is heard banging. The boys and the Fireside Girls all gasp. The trap
door opens up to reveal...)
Isabella: I'm right here.
Phineas: Isabella! I'm so sorry we lost track of you.
Isabella: There's no time! We have a job to do!
Adyson, Ginger and Gretchen: (infatuated) OooooOOOooooh!
Isabella: We may be the only non-pharmacists left in Danville. I think I figured
out where this started. And if we could get there, we might be able to figure out
how it started and reverse it.
Phineas: Wait. How did you find out where it started?
Isabella: (uncapping a marker) Well, I'm glad you asked.
(Song: Triangulation)
Isabella: ♪ Roger Doofenshmirtz, we know, is six feet and two inches tall ♪
♪ And the beam that hit him left a weird impression on that wall. ♪
♪ So I took the angle from that point of where I knew he stood, ♪
♪ And I found the building just like that because I understood. ♪
Isabella: ♪ That's how I figured it out. ♪
Isabella: ♪ Now I'm left with no doubt. ♪
♪ The only geometric process using data I possess... ♪
Isabella and the Fireside Girls: ♪ That could pinpoint the conclusion of my
scientific quest. ♪
♪ Triangulaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaation! ♪
Baljeet: ♪ Cha cha cha! ♪ That is a mighty upbeat song for a desperate situation.
Phineas: Huh, that building looks familiar.
(Isabella lifts up the screen she was using as a whiteboard during the song to
reveal the D.E.I. building out the window.)
Phineas: Oh. I guess that's why. Y'know, it might be a good idea to board that
window.
Katie: Oh! So that's why there was so much wood left over.
(Cut to Isabella as a Doof zombie arm attempts to grab her.)
Doof zombie: Lots of me... Lots of me...
Katie: And I definitely should have closed the window! (gets grabbed by the other
Fireside Girls) Eeee!
(Phineas, the gang, and the girls all climb down the trap door. Cut to outside the
headquarters. Pan right to a stump. It opens and Isabella checks to see if the
coast is clear. She and the other Fireside Girls climb out of the stump. The other
Fireside Girls put on their pharmacist zombie disguises.)
Phineas: Now what?
Isabella: We've gotta make our way to that building! I'm sure we'll find our
answers there!
(They all run towards the building.)
(Cut to Agent P looking through binoculars. He sees the kids running toward the
building. He looks up to see the street bombarded with Doof zombies. He gets on his
hang-glider and flies away.)
(Cut back to the gang. The Fireside Girls all pharmacist up to blend in with the
crowd.)
(Agent P fires his grappling hook downwards and it hits a trashcan. The zombies get
distracted by it and follow it.)
Gretchen: Where're they going?
Isabella: Doesn't matter. They're distracted. Let's move!
(Overhead shot to reveal the Doof zombies in a repo yard. Perry glides away from
them and closes the gate. He then looks in fear as he sees Agent F, Agent K, Agent
Bulldog, Agent Porcupine and Agent Pinky all transformed into Doof zombies!)
Doof Zombie (Pinky the Chihuahua): (growls)
(Cut to the D.E.I. hallway where Candace and Vanessa run from the zombies.)
Candace: In here!
(Candace and Vanessa walk into the stairway door. Vanessa ties the knob with a fire
hose.)
Vanessa: Ugh!
Candace: Phew!
(Thumping on the door is heard outside.)
Candace: What's going on with your dad?
Vanessa: I don't know. His schemes aren't normally this successful.
Candace: Wait! Phineas and Ferb!
Vanessa: I'm pretty sure this was not them.
Candace: No, I know. But they'll know what to do about it. (banging on the door)
Come on! Come on! Let's move!
Vanessa: I'm right behind ya!
(Cut to outside the building.)
Isabella: We made it!
Buford: Not a pharmacist in sight. Now's as good a time as any to rush in blindly,
don't you think?
Phineas: Okay, guys. Let's go...quietly.
(They attempt to go quietly, but one of the rubber duckies Buford is using to
protect his elbows squeaks and sets off a car alarm.)
Isabella: Here they come!
Baljeet: They are all over the place!
Phineas: Come on! Let's go!
(They flee from the Doof zombies.)
Baljeet: (screams)
Buford: Sanctuary!
(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford all safely make it into the
building's lobby. The Fireside Girls try to flee after them, but one of the zombies
steps on Gretchen and Ginger's disguise, exposing them. it is not long before the
other girls are discovered as well.)
Isabella: (gasps)
(The zombies gang up on the Fireside Girls. Gretchen tries to escape, but it is too
late; she transforms.)
Doof zombie (Gretchen): Lots of me...
Isabella: No! No!
Act VI
(Scene opens where we left Isabella. Phineas walks up to her.)
Isabella: I'm going back for them!
Phineas: You can't help them now!
(A Doof zombie presses its face against the glass.)
Phineas and Isabella: (scream)
(Phineas squishes the zombie into the revolving door.)
Phineas: Quick! Find something to block this door!
Buford: It ain't gonna be easy without ruinin' the feng shui of the lobby.
Phineas: Hurry! (A zombie rips his sleeve.) I'm exposed!
Isabella: Phineas, use this! (Tosses the Emotional Bravery Patch to him.)
Phineas: (catches the patch) Thanks! (He covers the rip with the patch.)
(Ferb blocks the door with a plant.)
Phineas: Nice work, bro! Thanks, Isabella! Are you all right?
Isabella: I'm all right.
Phineas: Buford, you okay?
Buford: I'm okay? (to Baljeet) You okay?
Baljeet: I am fine.
(A Doof zombie appears behind Baljeet and touches his face.)
Baljeet: (gasps and screams as he transforms)
Buford: BALJEET!!!!
Baljeet: Lots of...
Doof zombie (Baljeet): ...me...
Buford: (takes off his clown mask) That's it!
Phineas: Buford, what are you doing?
Buford: Look, I just lost my nerd! I'm not gonna lose the rest of my friends, too!
(takes off his rubber duckies)
Phineas: But, Buford, that's—
Buford: (stripping down to his underdrawers) Come on, you freaks! Fresh meat!
(screams) Yippee-ki-yay, you pharmacist freaks! Yippee-ki—
(Outside, he gets touched and transforms.)
Buford: (offscreen) Lots of...
Doof zombie (Buford): ...me...
Phineas: Y'know, he really could've been bait without taking his clothes off.
Isabella: Uh, yeah.
(Cut to Agent P surrounded by the OWCA-Doofs and the Doof zombies.)
Doof zombie (Agent B): (Growls)
(A helicopter whirs overhead.)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, need a ride? (a rope ladder drops down from the
chopper) Oh, oh, oh, wait, I should've said, "Need a lift?" That's what— I totally
missed it.
(Perry climbs up the rope ladder and into the chopper to safety.)
Doofenshmirtz: It's much safer up here, huh? You might still wanna buckle up,
though. It's my first time flying a helicopter.
(Perry buckles up.)
(Cut back to the lobby. Phineas and Ferb blockade the revolving door with the water
cooler.)
Phineas: That'll hold for now. But we gotta move before—
(A zombie makes his way through the door somehow.)
Phineas: Really?! Come on, guys! Head for the stairs!
Phineas: (attempts to open the stairway door) It's locked!
Isabella: Now what?!
Phineas: Any ideas?
Isabella: I got nothin'!
Phineas: Ferb?
Ferb: I'm petrified beyond all capacity for rational thought.
(The door behind them opens revealing Candace and Vanessa.)
Phineas: Candace?
Candace: Phineas!
Isabella: Candace!
Candace: Isabella?
Vanessa: Ferb!
Ferb: (no comment)
Phineas: Candace!
Candace: Phineas!
Isabella: Candace!
Candace: Isabella?
Vanessa: Ferb!
Ferb: (no comment)
Phineas: Candace!
Candace: Phineas!
Isabella: Enough! We have to get upstairs!
Candace: No way! The whole upstairs is crawling with ph—
Candace: Stairwell it is! What's with the rubber?
Phineas: It insulates against the infection.
Candace: I don't even wanna know how you figured that one out.
(Cut to the still oblivious Stacy watching her movie.)
Stacy: No! Don't walk into the kitchen, Grievance lady! Ohhh! Gosh! How could she
be so oblivious?
(Cut to the stairwell.)
Phineas: Just...keep...climbing...
Candace: (panting) This is enough cardi...cardio...to last me a lifetime.
(Cut to Doof and Perry in the chopper.)
Doofenshmirtz: Man, I've had off days before, but this is a lulu, even for me. I-I
never thought I could get so sick of myself. Oh, well. You know, at least with a
disaster of this proportion, things can't get any worse.
(Doof looks behind him as the Doof Agent B growls at him and he whimpers. The bear
fights Doof in his chopper. Doof and Perry almost fall out but hang on.)
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, Perry the Platypus, when you get a minute, grab the controls,
would you-
(While Doof and the bear fight, Perry takes control of the chopper and steers it
willy-nilly.)
(Cut to Doof's lab.)
Vanessa: This is it, my dad's floor.
Candace: Thank goodness.
(Candace, Vanessa, Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella walk up to the door and open it to
see countless Doof-zombies.)
Vanessa: Whoa, this place is crawling with them.
Isabella: (pointing to the destroyed inator) There it is! That must be where the
ray came from!
Candace: Ugh! If only there was a way to get rid of all those zombies.
(Right on cue, the chopper crashes into the balcony and whirs all the zombies
backward. Perry stops the chopper and the bear Doof zombie crashes into the panic
room door.)
Vanessa: Strange and unusual.
Candace: Same old same old. Come on!
Doofenshmirtz: (coughs) Oh, I sure hope the poor slob who lives here has insurance.
That would be... (He looks around to see he is "the poor slob who lives here".) Oh,
crud. Vanessa!
Vanessa: Dad! (runs up to him for a hug) It's you! Okay, so what did you do?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, it was just a simple Repulse-inator, y'know to, to make Roger
ugly, but then, there was some sort of power surge and this happened!
Phineas: (tinkering with the inator) Well, that explains the electromagnetic charge
that's changing everybody. But we need some kind of conductor that neutralizes it.
Isabella: Well, water neutralizes static.
Phineas: Yes! Water should change everyone back!
Vanessa: Um, isn't that a bit of a leap?
Doofenshmirtz: No, I'm a scientist. I'm gonna go with 'im on that. I might have a
water pistol lying around. I-I can go get it.
Phineas: Yeah, but we've gotta find a way to get everyone in Danville wet at once.
Otherwise, the contagion could start again.
Isabella: We can wait till it rains.
Candace: Oh! We don't have time! And when does it ever rain here?
Phineas: Unfortunately, the water went out with the power. So we need to find a
large supplier of water. Preferably elevated so that gravity can work in our favor.
(Ferb points up to the Danville water tower.)
Phineas: Yeah, I know. We just need to build a pulley system to get us over there
and some sort of giant sprinkler to spray the whole city.
Vanessa: There's always lots of spare parts laying around here.
Doofenshmirtz: I like to tinker.
Phineas: Let's get to work!
(Montage: The gang all begin working on the pulley system and everything else. At
one point, Doof suggests a self-destruct button, but Phineas refuses it.)
(Cut to the Doof zombies regaining consciousness.)
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, fellas, I think you might wanna hurry up.
Phineas: You guys hold 'em off! And don't forget to rubber up!
(Candace and Vanessa put on rubber gloves and get out toilet plungers.)
Doofenshmirtz: (doing a karate yell and wearing rubber gloves on his arms and head)
Vanessa: Dad, why are you wearing that? Aren't you immune?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, everyone else was dressing up.
Phineas: That's it! Everything's built! Let's go over the plan. (They take out
scale models.) One: Ferb shoots the grappling hook, which attaches to the service
platform of the water tower. Two: We send the vortex sprayer up the line. Three: We
all ride up in the basket lift. Four: Once we reach the tower, I'll climb into the
top of the tank...
Candace: Talk faster!
Phineas: ...and open the hatch. Five: Isabella will attach the connecting claw to
the open hatch, which will move the vortex sprayer into place.
Vanessa: (offscreen) Phineas, we can't hold them much longer!
Phineas: Whoever makes it to the vortex sprayer first presses that button to
activate it! (Breathes) Alright, any questions?
Candace: Yeah, was it worth the time it took to build a scale model?
Phineas: Totally. Anyone else? Yeah, you in the back?
Vanessa: Hurry up, guys!
(Ferb fires the grappling hook and it latches onto the letter "V".)
Vanessa: Great shot, Ferb!
Candace: Vanessa, behind you! (gets touched and transforms) Oh, crud. Lots of...
Doof zombie (Candace): ...me...
Phineas: Candace!
Doof zombie (Candace): Lots of me...
Phineas: NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Isabella: Come on, guys! We gotta go!
Phineas: Hurry!
(Isabella, Phineas and Ferb climb into the bucket and it pulls them up.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man, what I wouldn't give for that single-minded focus. Hey,
what's that over there?
(Cut to Perry attempting to climb out of the helicopter door, but he gets touched
and transforms, too.)
Doof zombie (Perry): (chatters) Lots of me...
Doofenshmirtz: No! Not Perry the Platypus!!
Vanessa: There's too many of them! Dad?! (gets touched and transforms)
Doofenshmirtz: No! Not Vanessa!!!
Doof zombie (Vanessa): Lots of me?
Doofenshmirtz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (takes off his gloves) That's it!
That's it! That's it! (takes off his lab coat and shirt) I've had enough of you
mes! (Doof is now in his underdrawers.) Alright, you freaks! Fresh meat! Yippee-ki-
yay, you pharmacist freaks! Yippee-ki-yay!
Phineas: Again with the clothes.
Isabella: I know. What's that all about?
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) This is yet another callback to something I didn't hear!
Isabella: Wow! Look at that! We may be the only ones left.
(The bucket begins swaying back and forth. Cut to reveal the Doof zombies pulling
on the rope.)
Isabella: Oh no! The line's breaking! We're not gonna make it!
Phineas: We have to! If we don't make it, Danville falls!
(The vortex sprayer makes it, but Phineas, Ferb and Isabella's bucket's line breaks
and it falls. Ferb somehow steers the bucket to land onto the stairway.)
Phineas: Is everyone all right?
Isabella: I'm good!
Phineas: And there's the vortex sprayer! C'mon, let's go!
(They run up the stairs panting.)
(Phineas, Ferb and Isabella are now surrounded by zombies.)
Phineas: We're not gonna make it!
Ferb: No. You and Isabella will make it. (He charges into the zombies.)
Phineas: Ferb! No!
(Ferb flings himself at the zombies.)
Ferb: (grunts)
(One of the zombies grabs Ferb's mask and touches him.)
Phineas and Isabella: Ferb!
Doof zombie (Ferb): Lots of me...
Isabella: Phineas! No! Don't touch him!
Phineas: Ferb! I can't just...
Isabella: I know! But the only way to save him is to keep going! Come on!
(Phineas and Isabella run up the stairs.)
Isabella: Phineas! Aaah!
Phineas: Hang in there, Isabella! We're almost there!
Isabella: It's just...If this is the end, there's something I have to tell you!
Phineas: Okay, shoot.
Isabella: For the longest time...
Phineas: C'mon! There it is!
Isabella: But, Phineas, Phineas... I LIKE YOU!!
Phineas: I like you, too, Isabella!
Isabella: No! I mean I like-you like you!
Phineas: Wow. I mean, gosh. I...I...I've always felt...
(A zombie hand reaches for Isabella.)
Isabella: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Phineas: Get away from her!
Isabella: Phineas! No! Ah! No!
Phineas: (Grunting)
(transforming and giving her a clamp) Go! LLLLL....
Doof zombie (Phineas): Lots of me...
Isabella: Oh, Phineas! (sniffles) Get it together, Fireside Girl! It's up to you to
save Phineas! (climbs up the tower)It's up to you to save Danville! It's up to
you... (Realizes what she is doing) to stop talking to yourself!
(Isabella opens the hatch of the water tower and puts the clamp onto the hole. The
vortex sprayer lifts up with a bunch of zombies riding on it. Isabella reaches for
the button but gets touched.)
Isabella: Aaah! (grunting) Got...to...Go! (She presses the button successfully but
still transforms and grunts) Lots of...
Doof zombie (Isabella): ...me...
(The vortex sprayer activates and sprays all of Danville starting with the Doof
zombie at the podium, who turns back into Roger.)
Roger: Is the ceremony over?
(Cut to the audience where all the Doof zombies there get sprayed.)
(The Doofs transform into some citizens and the Fireside Girls.)
(Cut to two Doofs on the roof of OWCA. They get sprayed and transform into Monogram
and Carl.)
Major Monogram: Carl, why are we holding our arms like this?
(Cut to another area where one Doof is lifting another Doof's lab coat.)
(They get sprayed and turn into a citizen, Baljeet giving Buford a wedgie, and
Beppo Brown.)
Buford: I dunno what happened here and I'm pretty sure I don't want to.
(Cut to the water tower where all the rest of the Doofs get sprayed.)
(They transform into some citizens as well as Shaun and Ed.)
Shaun: I still say this makes no sense at all.
Ed: I know, right?
(Cut to D.E.I. headquarters, where Candace and Vanessa are back to normal and
soaked.)
Vanessa: Oh, hey there, Candace. You okay?
Candace: Oh, yeah, totes. Just hangin' out, rockin' the wet lo— Oh, who'm I
kidding? Look at me.
Vanessa: Well, you're pretty cool under pressure.
Candace: You weren't so bad yourself.
Vanessa: Thanks. It was good hanging with you. We should do it again sometime.
Preferably without the threat of a zombie apocalypse.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm not makin' any promises.
Candace: Well, see you around. (she leaves)
Vanessa: Definitely. Come on, Dad. Let's go play a game of Kleptocracy.
Doofenshmirtz: That's my girl.
(Cut to the water tower. Phineas climbs up to Isabella.)
Phineas: Isabella. Are you okay?
Isabella: Yeah. Just a little foggy.
Phineas: What happened?
Isabella: I remember building the vortex sprayer, but after that, I've got no clue.
Phineas: Me neither. But whatever happened, it worked!
Ferb: Yes. Everyone seems to be noticeably lab coat free.
Phineas: At least everyone within the walled city of Danville.
(Overhead shot to reveal everyone outside the walls is now a Doof zombie.)
Isabella: (offscreen) Yeah, too bad about the rest of civilization.
Title Card: The End
(Zoom out to reveal the title card on Stacy's TV. She turns it off.)
Stacy: Pfft! Horror movies. Scary, but so unbelievable. (She leaves.)
End credits
(Song: Lots of Me)
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ At first, I was thinkin', "Hey, this is great!" ♪
♪ But there's more of me than even I can tolerate! ♪
♪ Plus, now I really notice I should lose some weight, ♪
♪ Get a shave, get a trim, exfoliate! ♪
L-L-L-Lots of me...
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Watch 'em milling about like a bunch of lost sheep, ♪
♪ Now everyone in town thinks I'm kind of a creep. ♪
♪ I'm not philosophical, I'm not that deep, ♪
♪ But I guess what you sow, you kinda gotta reap. ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Now there's lots of me, yeah, there's lots of me! ♪
♪ If you wanna, you can play connect-the-dots with me! ♪
♪ Tell all the haters who been takin' pot-shots at me, ♪
♪ You gotta target what you fire, but there's lots of me! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: ♪ What I'm tryin' to say is there's lots of me!! ♪

Night of The Living Pharmacists

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Night of The Living Pharmacists

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(Saul Bass-sty

(Saul Bass-style opening credits roll.)

(Cut to the backyard.)

Gretchen: ♪ You've gotta step right up ♪

Ginger: ♪ Why you waiting, Isabella? ♪

Gretchen: ♪ Go on and get it, ♪

(Cut to D.E.I. at night.)

(Cut to D.E.I. upstairs. The disco music is still playing.)

(Cut to City Hall.)

(Cut to the living room where Buford is still freaking out.)

(Cut to Candace in the D.E.I. bedroom.)

(Cut to the oblivious Stacy.)

(Cut to Perry still trapped.)

(Cut to the boarded up Flynn-Fletcher house.)

(Cut to Stacy, still oblivious, in her backyard.)

(Cut to the D.E.I. building. Cut to the zombies chasing Perry.)

(Cut to outside the building.)

(Cut to Agent P surrounded by the OWCA-Doofs and the Doof zombies.)

(Cut to the still oblivious Stacy watching her movie.)

(Cut to the stairwell.)

(Cut to Doof's lab.)

Phineas and Isabella: Ferb!

(Cut to the water tower. Phineas climbs up to Isabella.)

Doofenshmirtz: ♪ At first, I was thinkin', "Hey, this is great!" ♪

Doof zombies: ♪ Lo-Lo-Lots of me... ♪

Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Watch 'em milling about like a bunch of lost sheep, ♪

Doof zombies: ♪ Lots of me... ♪

Doofenshmirtz: ♪ Now there's lots of me, yeah, there's lots of me! ♪

Doof zombies: ♪ Lots of me... ♪

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