the bottoming process

__________________________

by Nicholas Pilapil

nicholaspilapil@gmail.com
Characters

Milo (late twenties, male, Asian American) faux confident, actually shy and insecure but you
wouldn’t guess, honest not mean, uses his humor as a defense mechanism, hard to crack, has a
heart of gold, non-fiction writer.

John (late thirties-forty, male, white) big dick energy, he does what he thinks is right even if it's
obviously wrong, confident not arrogant, quietly a geek, fiction writer.

Rosie (thirties, female, Asian American) Milo’s best friend, a spitfire, an actress — mostly 99-seat
L.A. theatre, occasionally regionally, has done TV once or twice as an under-five. Also plays
Rhiannon, Bartender and other people in the background.

Charlie (thirties-forties, not white) John and Milo's book agent, all business, probably still does
cocaine. Also plays Taylor, Sheldon, and people in the background.

Setting
Spaces around Los Angeles.

Time
The Present or recent past.

Note
A slash ( / ) means the character with the next line of dialogue begins their speech.
The dialogue should be somewhat quickly paced. Take each (beat) deliberately.
SCENE 1

WeWork in Los Angeles.

Milo and John meet for the first time.

Milo is typing away on his laptop. There are other

WeWorkers who are nearby and working too.

After a bit John gets up and makes coffee at some kind of

coffee station, somewhere near the table Milo is working
at, he glances over Milo’s shoulder and reads his screen.

JOHN
That’s funny.

MILO
(whisper)
Excuse me?

JOHN
What are you working on?

MILO
(whisper)
Excuse me.

JOHN
(whisper)
Sorry.

John goes back to his coffee. Milo rummages through his

bag and puts on headphones and then goes back to
writing. John returns with two mugs of coffee and takes a
seat next to Milo.

JOHN
Again, sorry, I didn’t mean to.

John slides one of the mugs to Milo.

JOHN (CONT.)
I’m John, by the way.
 2.

MILO
Hi John.

JOHN
And you are?

MILO
Milo.

Milo accepts the coffee.

MILO (CONT.)
Thanks.
I don’t like it black.

JOHN
Cream and sugar?

MILO
Just a little milk.

Milo walks away and goes to the coffee station.

SCENE 2

WeWork.

Milo sits all alone. It’s early. He has a Starbucks iced

coffee and his laptop out, but he’s on his iPhone instead.

Scroll, tap tap, scroll, tap tap…

John walks in with a hot non-Starbucks coffee in hand.

His messenger bag is slung across his body. He settles
near Milo. Milo doesn’t notice.

JOHN
Hey—
(beat)
 3.

MILO
Oh. Hello.
...
Hi.

Milo goes back to work. This time to his laptop to actually

write.

JOHN
Just a little milk, right?

MILO
John, right?

JOHN
It is. Yes.
It’s a little cold for an iced coffee isn’t it?

MILO
I’d drink iced coffee in a snowstorm. Hot coffee it’s just too much work. Like you can’t
just drink it right away cause if you do then it burns your tongue. And it’s not like I’m
gonna buy a drink just to wait 10 minutes until I can comfortably drink it.

JOHN
I don’t know if that’s true.

MILO
Well aren’t you privileged.

JOHN
Usually no one is here when I get in.

MILO
I have work later. And I’ve gotta get it in you know?

JOHN
Oh. I thought you were a writer. Last time you had that funny / piece—

MILO
Right last time. When you invaded my bubble and read my unedited fresh out of the brain
deepest thoughts.

JOHN
Yeah, I guess I did?
 4.

MILO
Rudely by the way.

JOHN
I brought you a coffee afterward.

MILO
A hot one.

JOHN
Now I know.
(beat)

MILO
You know you can be a writer and have a job that’s not writing.

JOHN
Sure but then write at a coffee shop. Why here? They’re ripping us all off for WiFi and a
communal desk and couch.

MILO
Here’s the thing John: I actually hate writing. But if I let a bunch of blowhards bleed me
dry of cash and preemptively destroy my non-existent credit score then I know I’ll actually
write something.

JOHN
I get that.

MILO
But you’re a real writer.

JOHN
What makes you say that?

MILO
I’ve read Circus Freaks.

JOHN
Are you a fan?

MILO
I’ve aged out.
 5.

JOHN
How old are you? It’s hard to tell you all always look so young.

(beat)

MILO
Near and around 25.

JOHN
What do you do?

MILO
I own a flower shop like Mandy Moore in Because I Said So. The movie where Diane
Keaton plays her mom.

JOHN
Cool.

MILO
It says a lot to me that you believe that. What twenty-something owns a flower shop?
People your age wouldn’t even own a flower shop. No one actually even probably even /
owns a flower shop anymore.

JOHN
What do you write.

MILO
What?

JOHN
Are you a poet?

MILO
Are you calling me gay?

JOHN
I’m gay.

MILO
I mostly just write my opinions.
Essays. Think pieces for whoever will buy them.
But mostly just tweets.
I’m hilarious you should follow me.
 6.

JOHN
I’ll follow you.
(beat.)

MILO
So, what happens next in Circus Freak? Cause I’m Team Darren if you like need any
inspiration for the ending.

JOHN
I’m working on the movie.
The sequel.
A screenplay.

MILO
Wow. They let you do that too.

JOHN
They fucked up the first one. I hope you didn’t see it. It was crap.
And this book is my baby. Watching it be bastardized and dumbed down for the laymen
almost broke my heart.

MILO
It swept the Razzies.

JOHN
With my sequel, I’ll sweep the Globes.

MILO
Maybe the Teen Choice if you’re lucky.

JOHN
We already won Best Kiss last year.

(beat)

MILO
So be real with me. Kid lit. Has that always been your kink?

JOHN
What are you essays about?

MILO
Have you ever hooked up with an Asian?
 7.

JOHN
What?

MILO
Have you?

JOHN
Um.
Yeah.
But...

MILO
It’s about that. Being an Asian man in America. Being a gay Asian man in America. How
white people scare me and saggy scrotum sail boating captains want to be my sugar daddy.
Model minority shit. The usual. But like in an elegant The New Yorker way. Promise.

JOHN
I don’t have an Asian thing. If that’s what you’re implying.

MILO
And I’ll truly never know...
And that’s what I write about.

(John laughs at his computer screen)

MILO
Don’t laugh you racist.

JOHN
Stop it.

MILO
What are you even laughing at?

JOHN
You’re funny. On Twitter. I just followed you.

MILO
You’re thinking of my feet right now aren’t you?

JOHN
Excuse me?
 8.

MILO
Nothing.

SCENE 3

Milo’s tweets are projected (or performed).

@milosantos It’s racist to think your Chinese server at that cash only Chinese restaurant is
required to be nice to you.

@milosantos Remember the time I was the only Asian actor in a production of The King
and I? I wrote about how it became a turning point in my Asian identity for not Medium.
Read it on @hyphenmag.

@milosantos I only top to Kacey Musgraves’ Golden Hour. #yeehaw

@milosantos My dad is homophobic. He just told me he no longer likes La Croix.

@milosantos My mom at dinner last night told me if I marry a white I’m gonna look like
his adopted son cause he’s gonna age faster than me. [Photo of Brad Pitt and Maddox]

@milosantos To all the guys who compliment me on my almond eyes. Wait until you see
my butthole.

@milosantos The Wayans Brothers’ White Chicks: an important film? How this early
aughts comedy confronted our views of white privilege before it was chic to care. Read it
on @bustle.

@milosantos Scissoring = when two Asian guys fuck.

SCENE 4

A boujee coffee shop.

A young couple sit at a table. They’re on a date.

Milo walks in and hovers.

RHIANNON
… quinoa, like a cup, then a mélange of carrots, sweet potato, and squash — roasted. Sun-
dried tomato, cause I’m off added sugar right now. It’s super healthy. Oh and raw spinach.
 9.

It was Cheeto orange and it needed a burst of color. Reminded me of fall. I just want to
lose three pounds from my face.

SHELDON
Wow. I’m sorry I’ve missed all that.

RHIANNON
Busy, busy. I get it. I have finals too.

SHELDON
Here.

He hands her a letter.

SHELDON (CONT.)
Read it.

RHIANNON
Here?

SHELDON
Please. I need to hear it.

RHIANNON
Dear Rhiannon …
Awwww, dear!
Thank you…
Uhhh, you’re welcome.
Today, I decided I am writing you a break up letter.
…

SHELDON
Please keep reading.

RHIANNON
What is this Sheldon?

Sheldon takes the letter.

SHELDON
Our relationship has sort of fizzled out, and we’re busy with college finals. We haven't
talked in about a week and I realized last night that I don’t miss you.

Rhiannon storms off.

 10.

SHELDON
Stop! I need this to get through to you.

They exit and Milo swoops in and takes their table.

Milo empties out his tote bag and sets up his laptop.

As Milo works John enters.

JOHN
Just a little bit of milk?

MILO
Oat.

JOHN
Fancy.

MILO
And fancy seeing you here.
Are you stalking me?

JOHN
Grindr said you were only 30 feet away. Thought I’d catch up with a friend.

MILO
I’m not on Grindr. Friend.

(beat)

JOHN
There’s nowhere to sit. Can I?

John sits.

JOHN (CONT.)
I thought you don’t write at coffee shops?

MILO
I don’t. Look.

Milo shows John his computer screen.

JOHN
A blank page.
 11.

MILO
It has a sentence.

John reads Milo’s screen.

JOHN
With nothing on but socks, his right big toe grazed my foot: the exhilarating sensation of
being known.

MILO
I love attention.

JOHN
What else do you love?
Or like?

MILO
Bottomless mimosas: love.
Movies that make me cry: love.
Celebrity memoirs: like. I would love them if they were written better, but who reads it for
elegant prose? I’m more into the juice.
Oh and Orange juice: love.

JOHN
Well, yeah, the mimosas.

MILO
This is gonna sound stupid, but like my dream is to ghostwrite a celebrity memoir. Like I
wouldn’t even need the small print byline. I’d just do it cause I’m a whore.

JOHN
I think you’re better than that.

MILO
Am I? You barely know me.

JOHN
Aren’t I trying to get to know you, right now?

(beat)

MILO
Why?
 12.

JOHN
Is it not obvious that I like you?

MILO
I don't know.

JOHN
Want to go on a date with me?
(beat)

MILO
Um.

JOHN
Great.
Welcome to our date.
Thanks for coming.

MILO
This is date rape. You can’t just force a spontaneous on-the-spot date with me.

JOHN
Okay then leave.

MILO
This is my table.
(beat)

MILO (CONT.)
I guess I can stay.
But like just so you know. Coffee?
Coffee is a bad first date.

JOHN
The best first dates are boring coffee dates.

MILO
Is that a white thing? Like how you eat mashed potatoes but I eat rice?

JOHN
For one: with coffee dates there’s always an easy exit. If you’re uninteresting, humourless,
/ dull.
 13.

MILO
Ugly.

JOHN
You said it.
But yeah.
If you’re any of those things then the date can be over when I finish my drink.
Easy and done. I move on.

MILO
And you won’t bottom after coffee.

JOHN
I’m into the concept of coffee as a social activity not a drink.

MILO
If I’m being real coffee is too casual in my opinion.
Like if love is a battlefield then a coffee date is a friend zone.

John touches Milo’s hand.

JOHN
Aren’t you going to ask me about my interests? You like celebrity stuff. Awesome. And—

(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
Things I like: Star Trek.

MILO
Nerd.

JOHN
Dragons.

MILO
Why would you admit that?

JOHN
Tarantino films.

MILO
I’ve only seen Kill Bill. I love Lucy Liu, but not for Asian reasons, calm down. Actually
I’ve never really got into the Tarantino craze. His movies just seem really mean to black
people.
 14.

JOHN
They’re not that bad.

MILO
I don’t think you get to be the judge of that.

JOHN
Fair.

MILO
So, what’s it like being famous?

JOHN
I forgot you’re a fan.

MILO
I wouldn't say I’m a fan fan. Just like aware. I’m aware of who you are. Cause you’re
kinda famous.

JOHN
I am not famous.

MILO
I mean...

JOHN
Writers can’t be famous.

MILO
Shakespeare is famous. And I follow Shonda Rhimes on Twitter. Then there’s all the
celebrities with Celebrity Memoirs?

JOHN
Maybe then I am famous.
Or fame adjacent.

MILO
See!

JOHN
Do I get extra points for my fame?

MILO
Definitely.
But don’t worry I’m not after your money.
I was forced to be on this date.
 15.

JOHN
Funny.
(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
So are you really not on Grindr?

MILO
Yeah. No.
I mean, yeah, yes, really.
No. No, I’m not on it.

JOHN
The other gay etcetera apps? Tinder?

MILO
No.

JOHN
Really. You’re just into the old-timey way of finding love?

MILO
I’m just not looking. If someone finds me they find me. And cool, then they force a coffee
date on me and we see where it goes. But I’m not on the hunt for ass or fishing for a “life
partner.”

JOHN
You are no fun.

MILO
Want to hear something gross?

JOHN
Give it to me.

MILO
I’m in love with my work.

JOHN
And how is she treating you?

MILO
Honestly I feel like we’ve got no future together. And she? Or they. Haven’t pleased me in
a while.
 16.

JOHN
Hmpf.

MILO
But what about you? Can your apps tell me how many dicks are within a mile radius of
here?

John points his finger on to Milo’s chest.

JOHN
Just one.

MILO
Ooo. Burn.

JOHN
No but I understand. I’m in love with my work too. Otherwise why do what we do?
But I’m also not twenty /

MILO
—five ish or near or around there.

JOHN
And I’m not. So yes, am I looking for something? Maybe I am.

(beat)

MILO
Why do you love to write?

JOHN
Money.

MILO
That must be nice. I can’t relate.

JOHN
I just love it.
I like creating a world that’s entirely my own. Making rules. Breaking them.
I love magic. It’s like being God. We make humans from scratch. But unlike God we can
control their every thought, every move, every desire. I feel powerful when I write.

MILO
That’s exactly how I feel when I play The Sims.
 17.

JOHN
How old are you exactly again?

MILO
No, I totally get it. Writing lets you be a big kid. It’s cute.

JOHN
I am what you kids would call a nerd.

MILO
It’s okay you have money.

JOHN
The money isn’t bad. I can’t complain.

MILO
I could.

JOHN
You are young. Just wait your turn. It’ll happen.

MILO
Yesterday would’ve been nice.

JOHN
There is always tomorrow.
(beat)

MILO
Since this is a first date, I guess, and you’re the famous one. Do I get reimbursed for this
coffee?

JOHN
Looks like I’m out of coffee though. So I’ve got to run.

MILO
Oh you do?

JOHN
Yeah.

MILO
How do you take it?
(beat)
 18.

MILO (CONT.)
A little bit of half and half?

JOHN
Black.
(beat)

MILO
I know a good pizza place around the corner.

JOHN
Then let me buy you a slice.

MILO
You’re famous you’re buying me a large with extra toppings.

SCENE 5

Later that night. John and Milo chat on Facebook

Messenger.

JOHN
Hey.

MILO
Thanks for the add. Haha

JOHN
LOL.

MILO
Did you really though?

JOHN
Really what?

MILO
Laugh out loud?

JOHN
Did you actually Haha?
 19.

MILO
I did. I’m a Haha-er.

JOHN
I’m an LOL-er.

MILO
Lame. If I actually LOL I just type Hahahaha.

JOHN
LOL!

MILO
Haha.

JOHN
Will I see you “writing” tomorrow?

MILO
Probably.

JOHN
Awesome.
(beat )

MILO
Have you ever seen the TV show Girls?

JOHN
Yeah.

MILO
I’ve never seen it and I’m on a binge.

JOHN
Where are you at?

MILO
Season two.

JOHN
Marnie goes nuts in this season.

MILO
Hannah just did coke. It’s adorable.
 20.

JOHN
LOL

SCENE 6

Outside Milo’s Apartment.

John is smoking a cigarette.

Milo enters from inside his apartment building.

He’s somewhat dressed up. John is dressed more

fashionably. Milo has a canvas tote over his shoulder.

John takes one last long drag of his cigarette. And then
puts it out.

JOHN
Hey.

MILO
You didn’t have to come down.

JOHN
I’m a nice guy. Nice guys get our of the car.

MILO
Right you’re not from here. Californians usually just honk three times.

JOHN
If I had to guess I would say I’ve probably lived in California longer than you’ve been
alive. So I don’t know if that’s true. Honking is just rude.

MILO
You smoke?

JOHN
Ah. Yeah. I didn’t want you to see that.

MILO
That shit gives you wrinkles.

JOHN
Yeah. I know. Cancer, wrinkles, I’ve heard it all before.
 21.

MILO
Everything gives you cancer. Cell phone. French fries. Poppers. Flavored lube. But
cigarettes? They especially give you fucking face parenthesis. Right there along the mouth
like Jennifer Aniston.

JOHN
I promise this is the worst thing about me.

MILO
Why are you dressed so nice?

JOHN
I’m not.

MILO
You said we were going to a house party. And you’re in a tie.

JOHN
I said we were going to a party at my agent’s house.

MILO
Oh. God. Do I have to change?

JOHN
You’ll be fine.

MILO
No. I’m gonna go change.

JOHN
You look great.

MILO
Yeah, but I don’t have an agent. And I don’t want to look like I don’t have an agent.

JOHN
I said: you look great.

MILO
I’m wearing my fucking faggot purse. I look like Ellen Page at the farmer’s market.

JOHN
It’s not a big deal.

MILO
Is your agent white?
 22.

JOHN
Why?

MILO
I don’t have any nice socks and I need to know the situation and like if I’m gonna have to
take off my shoes in this agent house.

(beat)

MILO (CONT.)
I know it’s not a big deal. But it is.

JOHN
You’re right. It’s not.
And you’re right, it is.
That’s why I wanted you to come with me. I want you to meet my agent. You should know
these people. And they should know you. How funny you are. How sharp your
perspective is. How you’re worth reading.

MILO
John. This is questionably only our second date. And, like, I’m still 60% confused if this
right here is, or not one, cause like we didn’t even touch penises after coffee last week.
Like you didn’t put your tongue in my mouth. Nothing went in my mouth. And now you
want to take me home to your book daddy.

JOHN
It’ll be good for you.

MILO
Give me one.

Milo searches John’s body for his cigarettes. He finds

them and takes one. He lights it and smokes it.

JOHN
I thought you hated smoking?

MILO
I said I hate wrinkles.

John lights another cigarette.

 23.

JOHN
Do I sound like an asshole if I say: you’re not going to find another way in. Cause that’s
how it is: you know someone who knows someone and then next week you make six
figures because you just sold your book. As much as we wish it weren’t true, it’s not really
about your talent—which you have plenty of! But no one cares if your writing is
“Powerful...Compelling...Illuminating.” Again, not saying yours’ isn’t. But we’re all really
just doing favors for each other. In the real world that’s how you get published.

MILO
“Powerful...Compelling...Illuminating.”
That’s literally printed on the cover of your literal New York Times Best Seller.

JOHN
I knew it. You’re a fan fan.

MILO
Do you think you’re an untalented writer?

JOHN
Your talent doesn’t matter unless you know / the right people.

MILO
Know someone who knows someone.

JOHN
I like you Milo and I want to do this for you.

MILO
That’s so sus.

JOHN
Sus?

MILO
I feel like this invite comes with strings. Like if I go with you what do I owe you?

(John shrugs an “I don’t know?”)

MILO (CONT.)
I ‘m gonna change.

JOHN
You are fine.
 24.

MILO
I’m not going to be the only one in a denim at this party.

JOHN
Just lose the bag.

John takes Milo’s tote bag off then he kisses Milo with
tongue so at least this time he’s putting some part of him in
his mouth.

SCENE 7

Rosie’s Apartment.

Milo and Rosie are hanging out around a coffee table with
pretzels, bottled water, and the book A Little Life on it.

ROSIE
... so here’s the thing: it’s porn. A Little Life is fucking tragi-porn. 800 pages of it.

MILO
It. Is. Not.

ROSIE
Why do you do this to me, Milo? Last month, I gave you Emma. Jane fucking Austen and I
made a charcuterie. And your follow up is this depressing brick?

MILO
Jane Austen is a cunt.

ROSIE
She is not.

MILO
Like what am I missing? Cause honestly I was like so bored.

ROSIE
I remember.

MILO
Like “boo hoo I’m trapped in my own existence. Only a boy can save me but also I hate
boys. Feel bad for me I’m blonde!” She’s the Taylor Swift of classical British writers.
 25.

ROSIE
Don’t you dare. And you realize that what you just described is A Little Life. “I’m Jude.
I’m sad even though all the boys wanna do me. Feel bad for me I’m beautiful! But wait am
I gay?” Hanya gay-baits you with this / tragedy.

MILO
Oh please Taylor Swift owns the Tackle Shop of gay bait.

ROSIE
Next book club, nothing white.

MILO
Hanya is Asian. Her name is Han. Ya.

ROSIE
She may be, but this is a white book.

MILO
Jude’s not white. He’s ethnically ambiguous.

ROSIE
He’s a handsome lawyer with a fancy apartment and a summer house. There’s nothing
ambiguously white about that.

MILO
Fine next month nothing white.

ROSIE
And better snacks. Pretzels and water?

MILO
It’s bottled.

ROSIE
It’s Dasani.

MILO
I know. I know!

ROSIE
The whole point of book club was so we could be intelligent, sloppy drunks.

MILO
I’ve been distracted at work and like today was kinda weird.
 26.

ROSIE
You work out of a WeWork. Writing non fiction. You diary in public for a questionable
living. What was so distracting? You needed to poo?

MILO
Don’t be mad.

ROSIE
Don’t give me a reason to.
(beat)

MILO
There’s a guy.

ROSIE
Oh I aint mad about that. You need that.

MILO
So it’s weird.
Cause like.
He’s white.
He’s a white.

ROSIE
Welcome to the dark side.

MILO
Like how even? I’ve never. I mean you know.

ROSIE
There was Dale.

MILO
Dale? Dale is like 75. White men over 60 don’t count. Remember when Dale came to my
reading at Book Book Books and brought his point and shoot and you offered to take a
photo of us but he just wanted a photo of me? It’s different. I remind them of the Kim
Saigons they raped at war without having to remind them of the actual war. They like the
idea of me: quiet, submissive, nice to look at. The Dale’s of the world don’t want to fuck,
they just want to collect me like a porcelain doll. Oriental ladyboy edition.

ROSIE
He did donate $300 to your birthday charity last year.
 27.

MILO
Exactly. And anyone else would’ve wanted to rim me in return for that much. He’s just
nice… to Asian boys, especially. His type just wants to support me, not fuck me.

ROSIE
So what’s up with this ... ?

MILO
John.

ROSIE
Of course.

MILO
I like him.

ROSIE
And this John “Smith” he wants to love you?

MILO
Or buy me. He makes me feel like Julia in Pretty Woman: a street hooker with suburban
teeth. Like he took me to a fancy party that was obvious I didn’t get an invite to and
yesterday he bought me a really nice probably expensive messenger bag. But then there’s
the Pretty Woman thing again where even though I’m a hooker, when I take off my blonde
wig we can watch I Love Lucy together and then like talk. Like we totally convo hard.

ROSIE
What a Richard Gere.

MILO
Yeah!

ROSIE
What do you talk about?

MILO
Nothing. TV? Judy Garland Live at Carnegie Hall and how I need to listen to it. And how
it’s weird I don’t know “Judy at Carnegie!” But also me and the business. He lets me talk
about me and seems to care about it?

ROSIE
Oh so he wants to be your bro and you have a crush. You know it doesn’t make you a less
woke “For the People!” Asian to crush on a white guy. All of my sisters are married to
White dudes and my oldest sister has a BA in Asian American studies. And my nieces are
like really pretty.
 28.

(beat)

MILO
He brought me to this party thrown by his agent.
And now I have an agent.
Like people get flowers. I got gifted a literary agent?

ROSIE
Woah.
When guys are that nice to me they want anal.
...
Wait.
How is it?

MILO
I. Don’t. Know. Yet.
And like after all of this it’s like duh of course my butt hole is now yours.

ROSIE
Does he have a secret wife?

MILO
Technically we’ve slept together. He called me one night and asked me to come over. And
then we just fell asleep.

ROSIE
What the fuck is that? Even Christian virgins would’ve tried butt stuff on each other.

MILO
We spooned.

ROSIE
And then what?

MILO
Then in the morning we went to WeWork and worked on our books.

ROSIE
Who are you?

MILO
It’s just that I’ve never been with someone who made me feel like the... “the girl.”
 29.

ROSIE
Yeah, no totally.
You’re a boy.

MILO
I’m just waiting for him to make the move?

ROSIE
Don’t be such a girl. I know you, you’re the type to just take what you want. You’re rude
and inconsiderate and you are actually a bad driver. You’re the “I don’t give a fuck” kind of
Asian. If you want him why are you sleeping in his bed to only sleep?

MILO
I don’t think he’s someone I can just take.

ROSIE
Why not? What is it? You think this guy’s a Dale or something?

MILO
I like him.
I’m attracted to him.
I like being with him
But when I’m with him I can’t get it out of my head that to him I’m a type.

ROSIE
Stop doing this to yourself.

MILO
Like “What’s your type?”
Tall
Muscular
Latino
Manly
Black
No femmes
Anything but Asian

ROSIE
“What’s your type?”
Big boobs
Cute feet
Must like spanking
Asian yes please!
 30.

MILO
We’re acquired tastes.

ROSIE
You eventually get over it.

MILO
I can’t help but be consumed by this tornado wave of fetishism thought, though.

ROSIE
This is maybe a bit wild for you to think about, but maybe he is just a great guy.

MILO
With Taylor. How did you know they weren’t in it to fulfill some Dragon Lady fantasy?

ROSIE
We have different issues you and I. You need to be liked by literally any kind of noun. You
thirst for validation on who you are and what you have to offer. But oddly you also have
so many rules on the acceptable ways we’re supposed to do it.
Me? I just want to fall in love. And like not have to fake an orgasm once in a while.

MILO
That’s so rude. I’m not that complicated.

ROSIE
I’ve known you since you were straight. You are.

(beat)

MILO
So like if Taylor’s dating profile said “Asian, Cute Feet” you’d / be

ROSIE
Stop. Stop.
You just don’t think about it.

MILO
Okay but you’d / be okay

ROSIE
Just stop. Listen / to

MILO
It’s just / that
 31.

ROSIE
Are we listening or are we talking?
I hear talking when I need to hear you listening.

(beat)

MILO
Listening.

ROSIE
Literally just get out of your head.
You like him: period.
He’s nice: period.
He’s not ugly: period.
Honestly nothing else matters.

MILO
I just never understood why more of this stuff never mattered to you.

ROSIE
It’s just whatever. Love me for me, Asian kink or not, and I’ll love you back, because you
love me. Life is already not easy why add more stress to it if we don’t have to?
This mess you’re talking about doesn’t even manifest in my relationship with Taylor. And
we’re so happy that we’d only breakup if I’m not proposed to in like the next six months.

MILO
Six months?

ROSIE
If anything you should be worried about the mental health of this John and if he’s the crazy
one not you. My mom says white people invented depression because all their inbreeding.

MILO
How is your mom?

ROSIE
Good.

MILO
Tell her I said hi.
 32.

ROSIE
Sure!
But when you, Milo, like someone, what do you do?
You, Milo, usually just go for it.
You’re actually very obnoxious about it too.

MILO
Yeah, cause, among Asians I’m also just another Asain—and one of the better ones. So
that’s easy. It’s implied that we’re like…and that I can… But he makes me feel: powerless.
Like I don’t have the right to make that move; that if he wants me he has to take me.

ROSIE
He’s not a book.
Don’t read so much into it.

MILO
But why hasn’t he made the move?

ROSIE
Hasn’t he? Milo, he booty called you but then you decided to fall asleep instead.

(beat)

ROSIE (CONT.)
Look I get it. White people. And if we go back to elementary school rules it is the hardest
thing in the world to tell someone your feelings because of the risk or fear, I guess, that
they won’t reciprocate. But if you actually read Emma you’d know that that shit doesn’t
work. Living with the anxiety and pain and fear of rejection is not worth it. You’ve got to
be like fucking Emma and just tell this white guy you’re a fool and that you love him. And
then live happily ever after in Hartfield, you dumb bitch. You still listening to me?

MILO
Listening.

ROSIE
I have homework for you: go fuck him and let him colonize your native lands.

SCENE 8

Milo and John are texting.

JOHN
Hey.
 33.

MILO
[Peace sign emoji]

JOHN
I missed you today.
What are you up to right now?

MILO
Nothing.
Come over.

JOHN
Like.
Thumbs up.

SCENE 9

Milo’s studio apartment.

Fifth Harmony’s Work from Home blares on stage.

There’s a knock.

MILO
Alexa, stop.

Milo goes to let John into the apartment.

John enters and gives Milo a subtle kiss.

JOHN
Congratulations.

MILO
You’ve heard.

JOHN
I wish I would’ve heard it from you.

MILO
It’s all your fault. I thought you’d’ve already known.

JOHN
I was just the Dolly Levi.
 34.

MILO
Sure?

JOHN
My agent said you’ve got quite the collection of pages.
Excuse me, our agent, now.

MILO
Book daddy, Charlie.

JOHN
So when do I get to read more than a sentence?

MILO
I’ve don’t think I’ve ever even gave you permission to read any sentence. If I remember
correctly you just did, white man.

JOHN
And aren’t you lucky.
(beat)

MILO
What is this?

JOHN
What?

MILO
Like why are you doing all of this for me?

(beat)

JOHN
Because I like you.

MILO
Okay.

JOHN
Because it seems like you worry too much.

MILO
I wouldn’t say that’s true.
 35.

JOHN
Because I think you’ve got something to say.
Because don’t you think people should read it?
Because I can’t help it.

MILO
Why haven't you tried to fuck me yet?

(beat)

JOHN
You came over and fell asleep.

MILO
Oh my God.

JOHN
I’m not looking for a fling.

MILO
I get it you’re old.
But just because I’m young doesn't mean I have to be a fling.

JOHN
Are you going to be my boyfriend?

MILO
No but after we do it I’ll still text you back.

JOHN
That’s a start.

MILO
I mean you already figured it out: I’m a big fan.
And I guess, I owe you, now. Right?

(beat)

Milo kisses John. John grabs Milo from behind and pulls
him closer. John unbuttons Milo’s pants and they fall to
his ankles.

Blackout.
 36.

SCENE 10

An Instagram montage.

Photos of John and Milo are projected one by one.

John and Milo’s agent Charlie reads each photo’s caption.

After Charlie reads the caption, Milo describes the photo in

his own words.

[Milo’s Instagram: Photo of John and Milo at brunch]

CHARLIE
Mimosas: a socially acceptable way to start partying at breakfast. #HesPaying

MILO
Zaddy and Asian lady boy at brunch.

[John’s Instagram: Photo of John and Milo in casual suits

at a book launch party]

CHARLIE
Book launch #5.

MILO
Brad Pitt and Maddox.

[Milo’s Instagram: Photo of John feeding Milo pizza]

CHARLIE
John’s famous large pizza with extra toppings. #gay #gymlater

MILO
Baybee is hungee.

[John’s Instagram: Selfie of John and Milo at the Farmer’s

Market]

CHARLIE
Sunday mornings.

MILO
Ellen Page at the Farmer’s Market.
 37.

[Milo’s Instagram: Selfie of John and Milo at the gym

with Milo holding up a peace sign, and sticking his tongue
out]

CHARLIE
This is real life, in real-time, sweat and all. [squirt emoji]

MILO
Harajuku Girls.

[John’s Instagram: Photo of Milo writing at WeWork]

CHARLIE
Proud of this guy.

MILO
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

[Milo’s Instagram: Photo of John and Milo caught

kissing]

CHARLIE
Aw. Sweet.

SCENE 11

A bar.

John and Milo’s agent, Charlie, stands alone on the phone.

CHARLIE
... I’m not having this fight with you again.
...
No.
...
And you think I want to keep talking about this over and over again?
...
False. I always say sorry.
...
No it’s not cause I’m always wrong. It’s just what you say. So, sorry!
...
I’m at work.
...
 38.

Yes I am. I’m at work.

...
Meeting with John...Yes with John.
...
Just John.

John walks in.

CHARLIE (CONT.)
Love you too.
...
Yes I’ll be home for dinner.

Charlie hangs up the call.

CHARLIE
My husband.

They walk over to the bar and take a seat.

JOHN
Why we taking a meeting in a bar?

CHARLIE
We’re friends too. We can’t get a drink?

The bartender approaches.

CHARLIE (CONT.)
I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.

JOHN
Manhattan.

CHARLIE
Put his drink on my tab too, will ya.

BARTENDER
Scotch. Rock. Manhatt. Your tab. Got it.

CHARLIE
Thanks, sweetie.
 39.

JOHN
Don’t call him that.

CHARLIE
What?!
(beat)

JOHN
It’s bad isn’t it.

CHARLIE
Nothing’s bad.

JOHN
Stop it.

CHARLIE
Stop what?

JOHN
The book is tanking.

CHARLIE
It’s not doing the numbers we projected.

JOHN
So it tanked.

CHARLIE
First week numbers could have been better, yes, but /

JOHN
Will it still make the list?

CHARLIE
... I think so.

JOHN
What did the critics say?

CHARLIE
You don't read reviews.

JOHN
You’re right. I don’t. So tell me.
 40.

The bartender gives them their drinks.

CHARLIE
Drink.

JOHN
Charlie.
(beat)

CHARLIE
It’s not your best work. They say. Not me. I’ll put it that way.
We like it. They like it.
You’ve created beloved characters that have penetrated and permeated the zeitgeist. You’re a
part of the threads of literary pop culture.
And films.

JOHN
One film.
No sequel.
(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
So what does this mean?
(beat)

CHARLIE
What else are you writing?

JOHN
This. I am writing this. It’s a series. A saga.

CHARLIE
Maybe it’s time to write something else. You started this what? Eight years ago? The kids
who read this eight years ago are now in college. Or are even adults now. They’re growing.
It’s time to grow with them.
(beat)

CHARLIE (CONT.)
So, what else are you writing?

JOHN
Nothing. The story isn’t finished, Charlie.
 41.

CHARLIE
I know it’s not.
But the continuation. Or conclusion.
Doesn’t have to be what’s next.

JOHN
K.

CHARLIE
What is happening in your life? What do you find interesting?
Write about that.
Like what do you like to read?

JOHN
I don’t read.

CHARLIE
Okay fine. As a 40-something guy what is something you’d pick up?
You like that space ship shit. That sticker on the back of your Tesla.

JOHN
Star Trek?

CHARLIE
Sure.
What does your Star Trek look like?

JOHN
My Star Trek is Star Trek. I don’t want to write another Star Trek. I enjoy it as it is.

(beat)

CHARLIE
It’s my job to take care of you. You’re like my kid, that’s how much I care.

JOHN
We’re almost the same age.

CHARLIE
Either way I’m still your mommy.

JOHN
Thanks, mom.
 42.

CHARLIE
I don’t want you to become a has-been. Is all I’m saying.

JOHN
Why do you think I’m killing myself writing this movie?

CHARLIE
I’m fighting for you and that script.
This Circus Freak Saga made me rich too.
I owe you that much and more.
But I also owe you my honesty: you need to write something new.

JOHN
K.

CHARLIE
Try something real. Maybe no magic?

JOHN
Or I could just stop.

CHARLIE
I am going to fucking key your car.

JOHN
Charlie, a hiatus in my future, I see it.

CHARLIE
Vacation. You can get that. A hiatus I won’t allow it.

JOHN
You could use a vacation too.
Take your wife maybe you two can stop fighting.

CHARLIE
She can stay at home with the dog.

(beat)

JOHN
This is crazy.
Why do I even have to do this?
I don’t need the money.
 43.

CHARLIE
Yeah but we like the money. Money is good.

JOHN
Maybe I’m just exhausted. That’s why the books aren’t good anymore.
It’s just been non stop. And at his point it’s all just mass market bull shit.
It’s not how it used to be.

CHARLIE
We’ll start from scratch. Find the old thrill. Good thing for you we’ll have a line of bidders
ready to shell out a big check for whatever the fuck it is.

JOHN
Maybe.

They both take a drink.

CHARLIE
Go take a month vacation but when you’re back we’re going to fuck them all in the face
with some new brilliance.

John downs the rest of his drink.

JOHN
Five books and a movie. For some. All of that could be enough.

CHARLIE
Just don’t get comfortable.

JOHN
Why not?

CHARLIE
You have never thought about what you want to do next?

(beat)

JOHN
I think I just want to be happy.

CHARLIE
You’ll be happy with a new book, the money it rakes in, and all the acclaim I’m going to
get you.
 44.

“Comfort is your biggest trap and coming out of your comfort zone your biggest
challenge.”

JOHN
Where’s that from?

CHARLIE
Snapple.

SCENE 12

WeWork.

Milo and John sit next to each other. They aren’t writing.

MILO
... like five. I don’t know.

JOHN
Five?

MILO
Yeah. Five. I don’t know. Probably five.

JOHN
That’s so little.

MILO
What’s your’s?

JOHN
18.

MILO
18! 18? How is that even possible?

JOHN
Is that bad?

MILO
How’d you get away with that?

JOHN
I wasn’t out. How would they know?
 45.

MILO
You have the gayest jawline I’ve ever seen. How could they like not know?

JOHN
Stop it.

MILO
Like look at that bone structure… How were you not ever clocked? I mean come on. You
look like Cate Blanchett.

JOHN
Blanchett?

MILO
Tilda Swinton on a bad day.

JOHN
...

MILO
What? You do. You have faggot face.

JOHN
Stop it.

MILO
You do!

JOHN
So, five years old?

MILO
Probably five.

JOHN
When kids started calling you a “fag?”

MILO
Yeah.

JOHN
Well, tell me this, at five: did you know? That you were?

MILO
I don’t know. Maybe. Eventually I just told everyone I was bi like one does.
 46.

JOHN
Stupid.

MILO
Or Pan!
“Who me? Gay? Me? I’m not gay. Who said? I’m bi. No I’m pan. I’m Mugu Bi Pan!”

(John looks at Milo in a way that says “I hate you that was a
stupid fucking joke that wasn’t funny.”)

JOHN
It’s just funny to me how kids even know a word like that at that age, you know?

MILO
Is it funny?

JOHN
You know what I mean.

MILO
What’s actually funny is how it’s instinctual to use “Fag” as weapon.

JOHN
Yes. Very funny.

MILO
But what’s even more hilarious about all of it is that they actually know who the literal
faggots are. Like out of an entire playground some chunky white kid can laser eye zone in
on the fairy chink in the bowl cut and know before he does.

JOHN
I would’ve loved to see that bowl cut.

MILO
Are you a lesbian?

JOHN
For you.
(beat)

MILO
I think it’s fucked up that no one like fag bashed you until you were 18. How is that fair?

JOHN
I’m a daywalker. Sue me.
 47.

MILO
I guess everyone looked gay in the 90’s.

JOHN
No we didn’t.

MILO
I can see it now. 1996 you with long hair parted down the middle and a pair of hoop
earrings in a shirt that’s too big for you.

JOHN
No.

MILO
You’re telling me you didn’t have hoop earrings?

JOHN
Yeah but / I didn’t

MILO
Why are you fighting it? You looked gay. You ARE gay. And you look like Cate Blanchett.
Like look around. All these people here, when they look at us. You know what they see?
Not two dude bros talking about cars and which ESPN channel is their fave. They don’t
see two friends catching up on the hot goss straight guy edition. They see two faggots who
make love with their dicks and bussies.

JOHN
They see Cate Blanchett and Lucy Liu.

MILO
That’s racist.

JOHN
You called me Cate first. So, to me too then.

MILO
You can’t be racist to white people.

JOHN
Yes you can.

MILO
That’s not a thing.
 48.

JOHN
It’s my bubble. On those things. The. You know, the tests and stuff, I bubble in white.

MILO
White isn’t a race.

JOHN
No?

MILO
Sorry Columbus. It ain’t a thing.

JOHN
But, I am white.

MILO
Yes. Your skin is like milk. But like you can’t be racist’d against. Sorry but you just can’t.
It’s just not a thing. I can cause like the rest of us in the crayon box of the world: the
browns and yellows and oranges the reds. We’re in a literal race. Zoom zoom, bitch. Just
trudging along maneuvering past spare tires of prejudices and windshield wipering away
oppression and pit stopping to tune up after being worn down by white supremacy. Racing
to get closer to the place where you’re already at. White people aren’t in that race. White
people have arrived. You people are sitting at a white marble table up on a white castle on a
cloud with Little Cosette and Anne “I’m gonna sing this song realistically” Hathaway.

JOHN
She deserved that Oscar.

MILO
Yeah but like who wants to see a bitch act-sing I Dreamed A Dream? Big belting, violent
vibrato ridiculous riffs always come first. And then, maybe, some acting. Like Shosanna
Bean—can’t act for shit but she’s like my 2nd favorite Elphaba.

JOHN
I think you’re so smart.

MILO
Sorry.

JOHN
And fascinating.
And gorgeous.
 49.

(John looks Milo in the eyes for a moment.)

MILO
What?

JOHN
I just like you that’s all.
(Milo just laughs.)

JOHN
What is it, do you think, that gives us away?

MILO
Our faggotry?

JOHN
Yes, that.

MILO
This conversation.
Your chin.
Also.
I love you. (this is the first time he’s said this)
And Joan over there can see it in my eyes.

(beat)

JOHN
Oh so you love me now?

MILO
Yeah. Yeah.
I love you.

JOHN
Why?

MILO
Because I know you love me too.

JOHN
I never said I did.
 50.

MILO
You didn’t have to.
(beat)

JOHN
So, Cate Blanchett huh?

MILO
Tilda on a bad day.
(beat)

JOHN
You know who could call me a fag? Cate Blanchett.

MILO
Oh forsure.

SCENE 13

A Venmo transaction:

Milo paid Rosie

Patti LuPone’s version of Being Alive

Milo paid John

[House Emoji, Box Emoji, Car Emoji, House Emoji]

SCENE 14

John and Milo’s house.

Milo and Rosie are in the living room lounging around and
surrounded with glasses of wine, plates of cheese, and
copies of the book Call Me By Your Name.

They are wearing shoes.

ROSIE
Why are we wearing shoes inside?

MILO
It’s allowed here.
 51.

ROSIE
Gross.

MILO
It’s fine.

ROSIE
This is your house too.

MILO
Sure but like with our shoes on we get to serve the full ensemble all night. I love your
kitten heels by the way.

ROSIE
Thank you! I’m a just regular sensible girl, you know.

MILO
See?

Rosie gets up and starts looking around.

ROSIE
Where are you?

MILO
Where are you.

ROSIE
I don’t see you anywhere in this house.
Why are there swords on the wall?

MILO
Maybe all this is the real me?

ROSIE
I guess so. It is super bouj.
And like kinda chic.

MILO
We use coasters and shit here.

ROSIE
You’re officially John and Milo.
Like adulting much?
 52.

MILO
You and I are both over 25 and 28 years old. We’ve been officially adulting for so long that
it’s pathetic that you still use “adulting” like it makes you special just cause you
remembered to pay your bills or you cooked a breakfast between the hours of 7am and 8.

ROSIE
Anyone who can get up early enough to cook breakfast at 7am is special.

(beat)

MILO
But yes. Yes, adulting much.

ROSIE
How does it feel?

MILO
Good.
I have everything I need.
I get to wake up next to someone I love.
We have assigned parking!
And last night I accidentally farted in front of John when I plopped on the couch next to
him and he didn’t even care.

ROSIE
Perfect happiness.
This is like the end of fucking Emma.

MILO
Don’t bring that bitch Jane into my house.

ROSIE
Be nice to her!

MILO
She knows what she did.

ROSIE
You know I did this right?
Like I totally made you do this.
Aren’t you glad you listen to me?
 53.

MILO
Except when it’s Jane Austen.

ROSIE
I’m happy for you.

MILO
Thanks. And I am. Happy I think.
It feels like everything is falling into place.
There’s a lot less wandering and more like I think I know where I’m going now.
You know?

ROSIE
Totally. It’s like that feeling you get when you realize that you no longer need to use Waze
to get where you’re going. But then like if you don’t use Waze how will you know if
there’s traffic?

MILO
Very that.

ROSIE
It’s what happens.

MILO
Yeah but there’s still some getting used to. How long does it take to feel normal?

ROSIE
Taylor moved in with me so I was fine. Felt like nothing changed except my rent.

MILO
I still can’t help but feel like a sell out race traitor.

ROSIE
Nope.

MILO
What?

ROSIE
You’re not allowed to do this again.

MILO
I can’t help it!
I just feel like I didn’t do anything to deserve this.
 54.

ROSIE
So? No one deserves anything.
If God was real he would’ve dinosaured extincted all of us ages ago.
Extinction is the only thing we deserve.

MILO
I know. You’re right.
It’s just. Did I earn any of this?
Being allowed to pitch a book to publishers.
An apartment without Ikea furniture.

ROSIE
Did you invite me over here just to make you feel better about yourself?

MILO
You’re the older one. It’s your job to suffer and console me.

ROSIE
Grow up. I already told you it’s okay to fuck white people now. And if you think about it,
Asians, we’re like the next in line to inherit white privilege in America any ways.

MILO
No that’s not real.

ROSIE
You just get off on being mad at white people.

MILO
Being mad at white people is my fucking brand.
My book has an essay called Lotus Bottom, Rosie!

ROSIE
What the fuck is that?

MILO
It’s like, you know?
Miss Saigon.
Madame Butterfly.
The pretty Asian thing who’s exotically simultaneously virginal and sexual.
Like Kim. From Miss Saigon.
She’s a prostitute but she’s not just any prostitute. She’s the young new one who falls in
love with the first GI to buy her puss.

ROSIE
I love that saxophone song.
 55.

MILO
Exactly.

ROSIE
I get it you’re Kim.

MILO
So you see it?

ROSIE
Yeah you literally talk about Kim from Saigon at least once a week.
You both have white fetishes.

MILO
What? No.
Okay so, the archetype is kinda like, that our, our Asianess is exotic and our exoticness,
and therefore, Asianess is something that can be tamed with the love of a white man. And
we. I mean Kim! Kim is pretty much being saved from her own impoverished Oriental
existence. And because some hot GI named Chris loves her she kinda rises above it all to
be the only Asian prostitute with a soul and it’s all only because she is loved and saved by a
white man.
Like how do I write and critique that shit and still end up living that shit?

ROSIE
You obviously you don’t want to be some Lotus.
Therefore you’re not: you know whoever wrote Miss Saigon.

MILO
The same guys who wrote Les Mis.

ROSIE
Really?!

MILO
Yeah Claude-Michel Schönberg and Alain Boublil.

ROSIE
White guys.

MILO
They’re french.
 56.

ROSIE
Same thing. Those French white dudes wrote this crap.
Whatever you do and who you choose to love and how you get to where you’re going will
be because you wrote it. You can’t and wouldn’t write yourself as a what was it? A lotus
bottom?
So you’re not one.

MILO
Before John I wasn’t going anywhere.
No one cared about what I had to say. I felt invisible.
But with him I feel seen. People know who I am now.
I feel like I‘m in demand.
I feel like I’ve won something.

ROSIE
And why is that a bad thing?

MILO
Because did I earn my place, here, in this, fucking—castle on a cloud?

ROSIE
You’re exhausting.

MILO
Totally.
(beat)

ROSIE
Here’s what I have to say about that though.
Don’t shit where you sleep. You know that saying?
You and John have the same problem as me and Taylor. You not only live together but you
have the same jobs. And 2 Girls 1 Cup is a movie not a life philosophy.
You’ve got to keep your love shit separate from your work shit.

MILO
He never reads my stuff.

ROSIE
Keep it that way. That way your work shit is all you. No questions.

MILO
Don’t sleep where you shit.
 57.

ROSIE
I like it when you listen. But tell me why you made us read Call Me By Your Name this
month? This is some pedophilia shit.

MILO
They love each other.

ROSIE
Elio is like 17. He’s a kid.

MILO
Knightly was like almost 20 years older than Emma.

ROSIE
Oh so now you side with fucking Emma?

SCENE 15

John and Milo’s bedroom .

John stands in front of a TV watching an episode of some

kind of culty-nerdy show.

Milo is sitting in bed.

Something ridiculous happens on the TV show and John

reacts to it like he’s a kid.

JOHN
Oh. This. This is a good episode.

MILO
Will you read what I wrote?

JOHN
What?

MILO
Please.

JOHN
You never let me read your stuff.

MILO
You’re right. Never mind.
 58.

JOHN
I don’t think I’m the right audience for your millennial babblings?

MILO
Not fair.

JOHN
What’s not?

MILO
Babbling? Is that what you think I do?

JOHN
Calm down. I am just kidding.

MILO
I know. Never mind.

JOHN
Stop it. I will read it.

MILO
No. I’m not supposed to.

JOHN
Why not? Who says?

MILO
I just.
I don’t know.
All this is just getting to be too real.
I think it’s getting to me.

JOHN
Let me read it.
I am sure it’s fine just the way it is.

John starts to read off of Milo’s laptop. Milo paces.

MILO
Ever since I’ve been agented.
After all these endless meetings and pitches.
Blah blah blah.
It’s just. I want it to be right.
For them.
 59.

You know?
(beat)

MILO (CONT.)
You hate it don’t you?
(beat)

MILO (CONT.)
Look I know I can be polarizing.
I know that like people think I’m wacko cause I’m always screaming “Racism!” like the
buildings on fire. That people think I’m unprofessional cause I’m loud and dumb cause talk
too much.
It’s on purpose. It’s the brand. But really I’m not.
I’m scared they don’t see that I’m not.
That what I have to say has actual real substance.
I really want to get that across. Babbling, sure. But like sophisticated babbling.

(beat)

MILO (CONT.)
I think about it all the time and it’s not fair, cause like if I don’t scream racism all the time,
then white people act racist. And if I’m not the loud one taking up space then I’m invisible.
No one sees me. No one knows I’m there. I’m Tina Cohen-Chang.

(John looks up from the computer.)

JOHN
Reading it one can say you are screaming racism, again, in this.

MILO
In a bad way?

JOHN
Do you really think of me of as a “habit to kick?”

MILO
Not you specifically. Just like—
All white people. Or white things, lets say.

JOHN
You know, I’m not asking you to please me. I don’t give you rules. Saying: do this do that,
that’s what I need you to do.
 60.

MILO
It’s not about you. If I please you it’s cause I want to please you.
What I wrote and am saying is that white people. Other white people.

(beat)
No.
Me.
It’s about me. It’s about my issues with White culture. Mine. I’m criticizing me.
How I feel the need to be a part of white culture?
The desire to please you is more like self inflicted.

JOHN
Maybe make that more clear.
This just makes you seem angry at white dudes.

MILO
I am.

JOHN
To be honest Milo. It makes me feel a little shitty.

MILO
Fuck off. Stop making this about you okay?

JOHN
Why are you the only one allowed to feel a certain way? You don’t think that’s a little
selfish.

MILO
This is what I was afraid of. I mean if you don’t get it. If the person I love thinks I’m
attacking him then who the fuck is going to publish this shit?

(beat)

JOHN
Okay calm down. You’re a good writer. You make intelligent points. However, it feels a bit
too serious for you. You come off mean.

MILO
Okay.

JOHN
What if you make it more off the cuff. Like how you are on Twitter.
 61.

MILO
Don’t you think I was already doing that? I was going for a balance.

JOHN
Perhaps that’s it. It’s unbalanced and too heavy.

MILO
Okay.

JOHN
You said it yourself. If you’re always screaming “fire” will they continue to listen?

MILO
FIRE!

JOHN
Fire.

MILO
FIRE!!!

JOHN
I love your fire. Therefore I love this.
I just think if you want to write about race.
And you want people to listen.
You can be more precise. And maybe more polite.

(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
Don’t be mad at me. This is what it’s like. If you get published it’s more of this and then
some. Notes from editors, publishers. Strangers. All white.

MILO
You know I’m not trying to be mean.

(beat)

I’m just telling my story. I’m reporting this out and critiquing this because your whiteness
affects my life in those ways.
Can I be “politer?”
Yes.
But I need you to know that me being too mean and my writing being too aggressive.
 62.

Is because for people like me it’s a war zone out there. We have to be 10 times better, 10
times louder or we don’t get heard. And then I have to be 20 times better and 20 times
louder than all the other fucking Asians just to fight for a seat at the table to prove we’re
worthy enough. So if I’m too much it’s cause I have to be and if I’m not polite it’s because
it’s not easy.
And I need you to get that.

JOHN
Okay. I get it.

John kisses Milo.

MILO
I’m sorry.

JOHN
Stop it.

John kisses Milo again.

MILO
Will you show me where I’m too harsh?

John kisses Milo one more time.

JOHN
Tomorrow.

They start to kiss again. Milo is not in the mood but

eventually he gives in.

SCENE 16

A text from Milo to John is projected.

Just a link to:

Publisher Weekly
Empirical Acquires Santos Debut

SCENE 17

John and Milo’s kitchen.

 63.

John is making iced coffee. Milo is reading on his phone.

MILO
Can I have the password to your Twitter?

JOHN
For what?

MILO
How do you only have 7,347 followers?

JOHN
That’s more than you. What is yours? Like four thousand something.

MILO
It was 5,008.
Today I’m at 5,006.

JOHN
How could I forget you only tell me about it every week.

MILO
Those two people were probably bots.
Or some faggoty gay who didn’t like my piece on how why they shouldn’t be allowed to
say serving blank realness anymore.

JOHN
Seven thousand is more than you.

MILO
Exactly. But not much.
(beat)

God that coffee takes forever.

JOHN
You’re the one who likes it iced.

MILO
I don’t know why I’m not allowed to batch that shit.

JOHN
It tastes better this way.
 64.

MILO
Like I can even tell.

JOHN
This painstakingly slow coffee is how I show my love for you.

MILO
Now the difference between our Twitters is that you’re famous to a mainstream subset of
the world. And I’m a nobody. I should have only 5,008 followers.

John hands Milo his iced coffee.

MILO (CONT.)
I don’t deserve you.

JOHN
Twitter doesn’t matter.

MILO
Twitter is how people my age get news. It’s the newspaper.
Also you never like any of my tweets.

JOHN
I really only use it to keep track of your moods.

MILO
This is spousal abuse.

JOHN
Like last week when you, of all people, tweeted a Scarlet Johansson Asian joke?
I knew that meant you were frustrated. Maybe some other Asian is getting more attention
than you or something.

MILO
We grow up being abused by our moms, with the fury of her house slippers, to try harder
at everything in life only to become losers who lazily make the same moderately funny joke
and the losers who still laugh at it. It’s / not fair.

JOHN
Not fair.

MILO
I actually deliver these millennial hipster Asians good shit and it just gets sent to blind eyes
and deaf ears.
 65.

JOHN
Do you really think of me as your spouse?

MILO
Why?

JOHN
You just called me your spouse.

MILO
I said “spousal abuse” cause you’re always being so mean to me.

JOHN
Seriously.

MILO
Do we really have to have this conversation?

JOHN
It’s just a question.

MILO
It’s so cheesy.

JOHN
Why are you avoiding the question?

MILO
Am I? Is that what I’m doing?

JOHN
It’s exactly what you’re doing.

MILO
Insert Scarlet Johansson joke here.

JOHN
Actually. What are your thoughts on marriage? I don’t even know.

MILO
I feel like it’s sad when celebrities get divorced.

JOHN
Your parents too am I right?
 66.

MILO
Marriage is bad luck.

JOHN
I see myself getting married.

MILO
To me?

JOHN
Why not?

MILO
I don’t think I see that for myself.
And I’m not saying I don’t see us as a thing that can last forever.
I guess I could.
But marriage is just so.
It’s like “Get married. Go home. Cook dinner forever.”
You know?

JOHN
That already sounds like us.
You hate going out. And you make me cook the dinner.

MILO
That must be why your abuse is spousal to me.

JOHN
K.

MILO
Don’t be mad.

JOHN
You’re young. You should feel that way.

MILO
You’re old and you should too, the way you do.

JOHN
Valid.
 67.

MILO
And like you know I remember I didn't want to be your boyfriend either. That turned out
fine. So like I’m sure I’ll eventually let you trap my ass. You never know.

JOHN
Recently I have just been looking ahead.

MILO
Mid-life crisis.

JOHN
The next chapter.

MILO
They say my Saturn Returns is gonna be like that.

JOHN
I never had one.

MILO
Cause you think that witchcraft nonsense is fake. It’s why you like to write about it.

JOHN
What do you think of naturalism?

MILO
Depends. Zola says it’s like the realist of the real. Norris was more like realism and
romanticism about it. I look at it, I think, as the real real. I like writing about our vices and
misery and how they fuck us over. Just like: banal.

JOHN
Banal?

MILO
Banal.

JOHN
I think I want to try my hand at writing about real life.

MILO
That’s boring. Why would you want to do that?

JOHN
You do it.
 68.

MILO
Yeah cause I’m not creative enough to write about a magical werewolf falling in love with
a magical fairy-witch in love with a demon-ghost in a traveling circus. I’m boring.

JOHN
You aren’t but you actually are.
It’s part of the reason why I can see this lasting.
I’d be happy to cook dinner for you forever.

MILO
Why?

JOHN
I love you.

MILO
Why?

JOHN
I love you because you do so much for me.

(Milo doesn’t say anything but he’s disappointed by this cheap-

and-dirty-bargain-bin response.)

MILO
This is why we’re perfect together as we are.

SCENE 18

An office.

Milo and Charlie meet.

On a table next to them is a stack of books. Charlie grabs

one and gives it to Milo.

CHARLIE
It’s a galley.
ARC: Advanced Readers Copy.
This is your book.

MILO
Wow.
 69.

CHARLIE
We’ll ship them out to all the important people. Put it in the hands of all the right people.
Get some early praise for the dust jacket, build buzz, convince stores to shelve it. All that.

MILO
What important people?

CHARLIE
You know people.

MILO
Emma Roberts?!

CHARLIE
Sure?

MILO
Wow.

CHARLIE
I was thinking more Oprah.

MILO
No.

CHARLIE
Yes.

MILO
No.

CHARLIE
Yes.

MILO
Wow.

CHARLIE
You said that already.

MILO
I just spent three years writing a book.
A book about every thought in my head.
Every over dramatic, yet appropriately leveled, emotion translated into essay form.
 70.

I even got off Lexapro! Just to add another level of depth to my writing.
“Wow” is all that’s left.

CHARLIE
It better not be. This is just the beginning.

MILO
This is all I’ve ever wanted.
Just to publish a book.
Like how do I thank you? Is there protocol for this?
Do you like muffins? I can send them to your assistant?

CHARLIE
You’re going on tour too.

MILO
Really?

CHARLIE
Really. A small leg. And probably just indies. But it will be good for you.

MILO
Aren’t all bookstores just indies now?

CHARLIE
Block out September, October, November.

MILO
That’s a long time.

CHARLIE
Book Fests: Portland, Texas, Louisiana, Brooklyn.

MILO
Texas? People in Texas want to read this?

CHARLIE
Texas is the largest state in the US.
I’m positive they have gay Asians too.

(beat)
 71.

CHARLIE (CONT.)
Listen: We want to sell books.
Putting you out there will sell your book.
Showing up in these dying book stores will force them to carry your book. All in the hopes
that your presence will bring them some money.
We’re going to do social media too.
SEO, campaigns, and computer shit I don’t know.
But we have people for that.
Just keep tweeting.

MILO
I would never stop.
I have too many opinions and the customer service at my coffee shop is really bad.

CHARLIE
Get ready, kid.
It’s all happening.

Milo clutches his galley.

MILO
Can I keep this?

SCENE 19

John and Milo’s bedroom.

John is in bed with his laptop writing.

Milo bursts in.

MILO
Check it out!
That’s my fucking book. Eat it!

Milo throws his galley on the bed.

JOHN
Look at that.
Can I keep it?

MILO
Sorry this one’s mine.
I can put you on the list though.
 72.

Between Oprah and Reese Witherspoon.

Heard of them?

JOHN
Oprah?
She’s not going to pick this.

MILO
She could.

JOHN
And Reese? She picks books for Moms.
What Mom is going to read an essay on douching?

MILO
That essay you think you’re talking about is not all about douching.
It’s about the perceived femininity of the Asian male.

JOHN
Here we go.

MILO
It’s about how people like you stereotype people like me as subservient.

JOHN
Big word: subservient.

MILO
And how people like me let you.

JOHN
I don’t know why you’re yelling at me.

MILO
Sorry. I’m not. I’m just saying.

JOHN
Stop it. Don’t be sorry and make me the bad guy.

MILO
Sorry.
(beat)

JOHN
I’m proud of you.
 73.

MILO
Thanks.

John kisses Milo.

MILO
I’ll never forget that you did this for me.
This is a book because of you.

JOHN
You wrote it.

MILO
Look.

Milo opens his book up and shows John a page.

JOHN
(reading the book)
“Give it to me, I'm worth it.”
—Fifth Harmony

MILO

No.
This:
For John.

John kisses Milo.

MILO (CONT.)
Who am I without you?
Definitely not this.

JOHN
I don’t think what you said. That I think you’re femme cause you’re Asian.

MILO
I know.
(beat)

JOHN
Or subservient? What the fuck?
(beat)
 74.

MILO
You never let me fuck you.

JOHN
What?

MILO
When we first got together you just assumed I bottomed. We never even talked about it.
You just entered me and I took it.

JOHN
So you didn’t bottom before us?

MILO
Sure. Though was I a bottom? I wouldn’t like say so.
Maybe I was born a bottom. Just forever emotionally a bottom. Being me. Having this
body, this face, this race makes it very difficult for someone to want to fuck them.
I know what my stereotype is. I know how people perceive me.
Which means I knew what was happening even if you didn’t. And I’m not mad.
I welcomed you in. I knew that’s what you wanted from me. And I knew I wanted you.
So I was prepared. And it’s fine cause as you’ll see in this so called douching essay that
I’m not oblivious to what you need from me. I’m not blaming you for anything. Cause
that’s what you need — and I just need you.

JOHN
K.
(beat)

JOHN
Do you actually want to?

MILO
Would you let me?
(beat)

JOHN
I don’t know.

SCENE 20

A succession of Google alerts for “Milo Santos.”

 75.

December
Read It Forward
New Books That We Can't Wait to Read
Make room in your TBR stack, because we're coming in
hot with 68 upcoming picks in the new year.

February
The Guardian
Debut Authors You Need to Read This Year
Debut books that should be on your radar. The Bottoming
Process by Milo Santos (August), Marriage Vacation by
Pauline Turner Brooks (March)...

May
Book Riot
5 of the Most Anticipated Books By Asian Authors
Five books for you to consider reading this year by crazy
talented Asian.

June
O: The Oprah Magazine
20 LGBTQ Books That Are Changing the Literary
Landscape
Your TBR pile just got a lot more colorful.

August
The New Yorker
The Bottoming Process Review: Milo Santos’
Millennial Coming-Of-Age Memoir
This collection resonates most when it digs deep.

October
Belletrist
Book of the Month: The Bottoming Process
The Emma Roberts book club picks collection by Milo
Santos for October.

SCENE 21

Brunch.

Rosie is being proposed to by her partner Taylor who is

down on one knee.
 76.

John and Milo sit at a table with lots of mimosas.

ROSIE
YES!

TAYLOR
Yes?

ROSIE
DUH!

Taylor slides a diamond ring onto Rosie’s finger.

ROSIE
It’s so heavy!

MILO
Oh my god.

ROSIE
Oh my god.

MILO
Shut up.

JOHN
Congratulations.

TAYLOR
Thanks, man.

JOHN
We should toast!

ROSIE
Mimo toast!!
(They all grab their Mimosas.)

MILO
I want to do it. Let me. Okay. Raise your glasses.
Um.
 77.

Here we go:
To Taylor and Rosie
May your marriage be cozy
Love this for you two
Taylor thank God you finally proposed cause if you didn’t Rosie was going to kill you.
Cheers!

Milo gets a text.

MILO
Shut up!

ROSIE
What?

MILO
Look at this.

ROSIE
Shut up!

TAYLOR
What is taking away my spotlight over there?

JOHN
(sarcastic)
Timothée Chalamet Instagrammed another shot of the toe of his shoe.

ROSIE
If only!

MILO
Emma Roberts read my book. The Bottoming Process is the Belletrist book of the month!

TAYLOR
Who is that?

ROSIE
Oh babe.

MILO
She’s like white literary Oprah if Oprah was Tara Reid and also Julia Roberts’ niece.

JOHN
Good for you, Milo. That’s exciting.
 78.

MILO
I confused that she likes it.
I’m glad. I can’t believe she gets it.
Cause some people aren’t.

ROSIE
I told you to stop reading your reviews.

MILO
I have Google Alerts!

TAYLOR
In the theatre we never read the reviews. They’re not for us.

ROSIE
Sorry not sorry but I don’t need to know that some overpaid-tenured white critic with no
black friends thinks my portrayal of Marianne is “distracting” cause my Elinor is white and
we don’t match. Maybe her portrayal is the distracting one?

MILO
Racism!

JOHN
Fuck racism.

TAYLOR
Fuck reviews!

Milo goes back to his phone and starts to read again.

MILO
Listen to this: Reading this book is like reading Twitter for hours on end.

ROSIE
You love Twitter though.

MILO
Another: The most galling moments in The Bottoming Process are the ones that make me
wistful for what might have been possible if Santos had pushed himself beyond what feels
like shallow immediate responses to the events of his life. His tactic at times seems
avoidant and his analysis stalls out.

JOHN
Oh stop it. Let me see that.
 79.

John takes the phone and reads.

TAYLOR
You know what I read into that? They’re alluding to your potential.

MILO
I’m too old to have potential. I either have by now or not.
Honestly if they read what I really wanted to say. The deep dive into my feelings past the
so called “shallow” end. The stuff I edited it out as to not perpetuate the Angry Asian
stereotype /

ROSIE
They’d just call you complainy tiger.

JOHN
Santos is both angry and wryly funny offering a fierce and timely meditation on race from
the perspective as a gay Asian American man.
This one likes that you’re angry.

ROSIE
Who said that?

JOHN
Entertainment Weekly.

MILO
Who even trusts literary criticism from the Entertainment Weekly!

JOHN
You got a B.

MILO
Rosie, would your mom be okay if you brought home a B?

ROSIE
She’d hit me.
(Milo blankly stares at John.)

JOHN
So you have mixed reviews. Who cares?

ROSIE
You think he’s not gonna care?
 80.

JOHN
My first book was mixed.

MILO
It’s not even about the review.

ROSIE
Yes it is.

MILO
It’s beyond the point.

JOHN
It’s okay. What if we order my baby waffles?

MILO
Seriously though. Like look at who’s reviewing these books: Adam Johnson, Jane Tyler,
Henry Ross. All two-first named white journalists.

ROSIE TAYLOR
Oh. Very that! Of course they don’t get it.

MILO
They can’t relate to my book so they think it’s bad. And they can’t conceptualize my
concepts because they’re non existent ideas that don’t exist in their world of Keds and
Mom reruns.

JOHN
Then fuck them. It doesn’t matter what they say.

TAYLOR
It doesn’t work like that. It matters. In the theatre a production lives or dies by reviews.

ROSIE
Yeah John, you’re so fancy that people like you, even if your book is kinda shitty...
It’s not. Well I haven’t read it. But I’m just saying.

MILO
This is gonna fuck with my Goodreads rating.

ROSIE
If you think about it, the Metacritic score for Ashlee Simpson’s Autobiography summarizes
it as mixed and we both know that it’s thee perfect pop album of pop albums. Reviews
don’t make things iconic, the people do. Just rally all the Asian Bookstagrammers and
queers to army up for you.
 81.

Milo puts down his phone.

MILO
Let me see that ring again.

ROSIE
Okay!

Milo grabs Rosie’s hand an fawns over her engagement

ring.

TAYLOR
John, you’re next.

(John doesn’t know how to respond.)

SCENE 22

A voicemail.

CHARLIE
Milo. Charlie.
A voicemail. Weird I know.
Why not just e-mail? Or text?
It’s too big for that.
You made the list.
New York Times Best Seller. Paperback Non Fiction.
Number 15.
Right at the cusp but fuck it.
The list is the list.
This is going to be huge for you.
Go ahead update your Twitter bio. I know you want to.

Another voicemail.

CHARLIE
John. Charlie.
They didn’t bite.
The studio is passing on the movie.
Sorry.
But. I read the pages you sent over.
Finally.
And who the fuck is that?
 82.

I like what I’m reading.

Let’s talk more about it.

SCENE 23

John and Milo’s living room.

Milo is on the couch reading Mansfield Park by Jane

Austen. John is at the bar making drinks.

Milo throws down the book.

MILO
Do you think I hate women? Cause I just can’t be convinced on this chick. Jane Austen is
just the worst.

JOHN
You tell me. You are the one constantly trying to teach me about intersectionality.

MILO
Mansfield Park: Another morally superior girl in another non-existent adventure. More like
Mansfield Fart.

John walks over to Milo with his drink.

MILO (CONT.)
That’s a heavy pour.

JOHN
Heard from the studio today. They hated my script for Circus Freaks 2.

MILO
It was your first screenplay. Be easy on yourself. You can still fix it.

JOHN
There is no more interest to move forward with it.

MILO
You’re just in your head.

JOHN
I wish that were true. However, that is what they said. No one saw the first one, critics
ravaged it. It’s not “financially viable,” so they say.
 83.

MILO
Sorry.

JOHN
And they know no one is reading Circus Freaks 5.
I am dead in the water.

MILO
Hardly.

JOHN
No I am dead. Floating face down.

MILO
Maybe take it as a sign—
From like God.

JOHN
To give up?

MILO
No, you baby. To finally move on! I know Charlie’s been telling you to write something
new.

JOHN
I just don’t understand why this is happening to me. What happened in the world where
people stopped caring? I’ve put more than a decade into these stories and what I just kill it
without an ending?

MILO
I / think

JOHN
Move on. Got it. I’m trying but it’s hard too let this go. Let go of this piece of shit kid lit.
But it’s what I know.

MILO
My advice is /

JOHN
What advice can you offer, Milo?

MILO
I don’t know. I was just gonna / say
 84.

JOHN
You have one book.
You’ve been doing this for what? A year?
What can you possibly have to say that’s even close to what I’m dealing with.

MILO
I don’t know what it’s like to be you, you’re right. But I’m know what it’s like to be told
“No” and I know how to move on.

JOHN
Then what’s the advice?

MILO
Don’t give up.

JOHN
(sarcastically)
Very insightful.

MILO
You’re kind of a brat. Am I in trouble if I say it’s kinda cute even?

JOHN
Thank you.
(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
I appreciate you.
(beat)

MILO
I think I’m gonna take you on a date.

JOHN
A date?

MILO
A fancy romantic date to WeWork where we’ll both start writing something new.

JOHN
Sexy.
(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
I’ve already been writing.
 85.

MILO
Yeah?

JOHN
It’s something completely new. And I am happy to report all characters are fully human.

MILO
What’s it about?

JOHN
Charlie told me to write what I know.

MILO
What is it that you know?

JOHN
I know us. She said to me “write something relatable.”

MILO
(sarcastically)
Now that sounds like real advice. Definitely worth 10%.

JOHN
I have yet to write much but I think it’s about this Asian guy and dating and his missteps
and hijunks along the way.

MILO
Why is he Asian?

JOHN
He’s inspired by you. From what you’ve told me. The “perceived femininity” you called it.

MILO
So you’re just writing about what I’ve already published?

JOHN
It’s not the same. I’m writing a New Adult novel.

MILO
What the fuck is New Adult?

JOHN
Young Adult but older.
 86.

MILO
Oh my God John grow up. You can’t write that.

JOHN
Why not?

MILO
It’s not yours to write.

JOHN
I’m writing about our story.

MILO
Except your protagonist is me?

JOHN
Why are you always like this?

MILO
Like what? What am I like?

JOHN
You make everything about you and then turn it into a goddamn lecture.

MILO
I do not.

JOHN
You do.

MILO
Fine then, if I lecture you so much, you should be able to understand by now when I say
you can’t write this why you can’t write this. It’s yellow face.

JOHN
Stop it. Don’t take it there. That’s not what I am trying to do.

MILO
All I’m saying is that it seems appropriative and in the market will come off opportunistic.
.
(beat)
 87.

JOHN
I told you not much has been written, but it is about me too. It is supposed to be our story.
At the end of the book the character falls in love happily ever after — in the end you find
me.

MILO
Like end game? So like the idea for your entire novel is to have my character just like
adorkably date until the perfect white guy saves him from fucking around? In your book
you write me as a fucking dairy queen!

JOHN
Explain to me this terminology of yours.
“Dairy queen?”

MILO
No spice, no rice. Milky white only.

(John laughs.)

MILO (CONT.)
What this book pitch says to me is you plan to write in detail the ways a white male...
Or I guess with the so called dating hijinks you’ve sold in this so called New Adult book.
The ways many white males fetishize my body.
Like some kinda an island fantasy or a flavor of the month.

JOHN
You know that’s not my intention.

MILO
I know and that’s what makes me feel so heartbroken.

JOHN
Stop it.
(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
I won’t write it. Happy?

MILO
I feel like you don’t see me.
Like really see me.
(beat)
 88.

JOHN
And that breaks my heart.
(beat)

JOHN (CONT.)
When have I ever tried to not do anything and everything for you?

MILO
You still won’t take my brown Asian cock up your white pink-holed ass!

JOHN
I have done so much more for you than that:
I gave you Charlie.
I opened every door I had a key to, for you.
I read every essay in that book of yours.
Spent hours giving you meticulous notes.
You live in my house!
I don’t see you?
All I see is you.

MILO
And now I think I finally see you too.
I was your conquest.
Your project.
Literal booty to be taken.

JOHN
You are unbelievable.
To put me in a category with those Asian fetish guys—

MILO
I’m so stupid! I saw it from the beginning but I was blind.
You did fetishize me but like an idiot I just took it as complements.

JOHN
Don’t say that. That’s not what this is.

MILO
Isn’t it?

JOHN
If that is how you would sum us up.
Our entire relationship.
How much I love you. As a fetish?
Then what about you? This isn’t a one-way street.
 89.

MILO
Don’t try to play some race card on me. Don’t pretend that you know what people like me
go through with people like you.

JOHN
I will not pretend that I do. Although, I do know you:
You have convinced yourself you exist less and you manipulate it to get more.
You aspire to what you think you hate most: “whiteness.”
You want to fuck me, because you want to be me.
You desire me because to you I am the exotic one.
You relinquished your power to me. Othering your own body in the process.
Yes, I picked you. And I love you.
But, ultimately, you said “Yes” to all of it.
And this is your bottoming process.

SCENE 24

Milo sits alone typing.

MILO
“That’s funny,” he said to me.

I’m sitting at a desk in a shared office space. A place where they say “you join as an
individual, 'me', but where you become part of a greater 'we'.” This is where we meet and
become we — this community is our catalyst.

I turn around reacting to the interruption of your voice. I look at your face for the very first
time, a face I will study for years and love for too much time after that. I look at your face
and you are beautiful. I can see your smile, and feel your charm just by looking into your
eyes. And I’m already afraid of you. Instantly I turn cold just like my morning coffee. And
it begins. In that moment, I start to subtract parts of myself for you.

This is the first time we met. And already the second time I’ve given a piece of myself to
you. The first piece you stole when you read what I was writing on the page and it made
you say “That’s funny.”

But for you, I thought: I will allow it.

But, I will make it my choice.
And, I will make it my narrative.

This is the third piece of myself I gave to you. Because, from then on even when I wrote
for myself, I wrote for you — and, I guess, now about you too. It was ingrained in my
consciousness to please you and the institution that is you.
 90.

I’ve been sold on it my entire life with the movie star, the TV star, the boy band. Blond
hair, blue eyes, milky skin hidden beneath a sandy tan. There was never an escape from it.

Did I want to escape? I thought I did until you trapped me in your cage and brought me to
your castle on a cloud.

“This is your choice. This is your narrative.” I repeat the mantra to myself.

I wanted you and I wanted you to want me too. But I wasn’t sure I had what you wanted.
Even though you already had pieces of me I couldn’t rack my brain on the thought “why
would he want me?”

So I perpetuated stereotypes and it empowered me. I performed the Asian feminine to draw
in your audience of one. And I took you in me, giving you countless pieces of myself, so
many that I didn’t even know parts of me are missing. All I knew was that you made me
smile when I cummed.

Under my self-imposed constraints you gave me adoration and validation. And I leveraged
them to empower myself even more. But constraints are still constraints, and I began to let
you dictate who I am. Another piece of me that I gifted to you.

I loved you. You loved me too. But which part of me did you love? Was it all of me? Or
one of the parts of me you stole? Or did I gave away? Or did you love one of the roles I
forced myself to play in order to neutralize the harm I inflicted on myself?

Whichever it was. It was worth it. You made me powerful.

If you were the leading man then I was your supporting actor. If we were a boy band then
you sang lead and I sang your harmony. You were bigger and stronger. I was smaller and
weaker. The power lines were clear.

But when I grew out of my supporting role and began taking the steps toward taking the
lead you didn’t know how to react, because such positioning doesn’t exist in the white
psyche, where an Asian is subordinate, and made a bottom without question.

And now I wonder: is that what you loved about me?

I grew up on outside of whiteness looking in. But because you injected me with your
power, I feel as if now I’m on the inside looking out. Asian Americans they say are next in
line to be white. We are the model minority — the best actor in a supporting role.

Are we next to be white?

 91.

No. With the pieces of me that are left, I know what we are —

Milo slowly starts to disappear. His monologue continues

as typing, projected over the stage. They are revealed to be
pages from his new book.

We are now years in the future.

John enters reading Milo’s book.

MILO JOHN
The next to disappear. The next to disappear.

JOHN (CONT.)
I didn’t want to disappear.
I didn’t want to leave you.

I still love you.

I still want you.

And that’s how I know that even under my new constraints, the ones self imposed to keep
me away from you, that you’re still stealing pieces of me away. And that I’m willingly
giving them to you, because I still feel indebted to the white man, who thinks I owe him for
making me who I am.

I need to de-center myself from you.

I need to unlearn you.
I need to put the pieces of myself back together.
And I need to make it my choice, because now this is my narrative, once again.

End of play.