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Question # 3

Child discipline – probably the least enjoyable part of parenting.

It can be frustrating, discouraging and exhausting. It is one of the most common and

toughest challenges of parenthood.

Have you ever wondered:

“How can we discipline kids without using punishment?”

As it turns out, using punishment is not the only way nor a good way to successfully
discipline a child.

Discipline and Punishment – What’s the Difference (4 Effective Discipline Strategies)

As it turns out, using punishment is not the only way nor a good way to successfully
discipline a child.

We will also look at 4 effective ways to discipline children, ways that can:

 modify children’s behavior,

 develop their characters,

 protect their mental health, and

 help you develop a close relationship with them.

The best part? No more nagging, yelling, threatening or punishing.

Discipline and punishment are not the same things. Discipline is the practice of training
someone to behave in accordance with rules or a code of behavior.

The word, discipline, comes from Latin  disciplina  (teaching, learning or instruction),
and  discipulus  (disciple, pupil).

To discipline means to teach. To teach is to show and explain how to do something. It

focuses on teaching desirable  future  behavior. To punish is to inflict suffering
for  past  behavior.

But the difference between discipline and punishment goes deeper than just the
meaning of the words.

There is also a difference in how a child’s brain reacts to them.

Punishment is not just philosophically bad. It is actually harmful to brains.

Parents, we want healthy brains for our kids, right?

So keep reading and you’ll find out  why  and  how  punishment is bad for our kids’ brains,
and  what  to do to discipline.

Punishment is fear-based coercive discipline.

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And frequent fear is not good for brains.

Here’s the thing:

Young children, especially toddlers and preschoolers, are curious. They are ambitious
and they are fearless. But they don’t know much about safety. They don’t understand
why they are expected to behave a certain way. And they don’t follow  the reasoning
that well.

So, many parents resort to using fear, or coercive measures such as corporal

punishment, time-out or berating, to discipline.

Kids get into trouble a lot and therefore, in these homes, kids are threatened by fear
of punishment a lot.

Note that it is not just punishments that can cause fear. The threat of punishment can
also induce fear in kids.

These parents hope that fear will  condition  their children to abandon the
undesired behavior and adopt the desired one, much similar to a dog being
conditioned to adopt a new behavior.

But the fact is:

Frequent fear can really mess up a child’s brain, in many unexpected ways.

1. Mental Disorders

This type of fear-conditioned memory is what underlies mental disorders such

as depression, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) later in life .

2. Stress Hormone Elevation

When fear is presented frequently, the chronically elevated level of stress hormone  will
cause serious health problems for the child in the long run — brain shrinkage
leading to memory and learning difficulties, suppressed immune system,
hypertension, depression, and anxiety disorder just to name a few.

3. Emotion Dysregulation

Fear is not the only emotion that can cause our thinking brain to become disconnected.
Other types of stress, such as anger or rage can, too. A punishment centric
environment can induce persistent negative emotions in children making it even
harder for kids to learn to self-control.

4. Bidirectional Influence

Sometimes, punishment can create a self-fulling prophecy. While a child’s

negative behavior leads to parents’ negative response, parents’ punitive reaction also
leads to or amplifies a child’s externalizing behavior.

5. Externalizing Behavior
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Numerous studies have found that harsh or punitive punishments, especially those in
the form of physical punishment, will lead to future aggression in children even though
it may deter the child’s negative behavior at the moment.

Punitive punishments are also implicated in Oppositional Defiant Disorder  (ODD).

6. Become Bullies And/Or Victims

Children who are harshly punished may become bullies or victims of bullies

themselves. Some children also exhibit disruptive behavioral problems as they
grow up.

7. Worse Academic Performance

Researchers found that homes that use punitive discipline, such as punishment,

lecturing or restricting activities (that are otherwise not affecting academic studies) are
associated with lower academic achievement compared to homes that have warm
parent-child interactions and use reasoning to teach.

Effective Discipline Strategies

Discipline means to teach. And you don’t have to punish to teach.

Here are 4 effective disciplinary measures that can help you adopt no punishment
parenting.

#1 Be A Role Model

 model the way they want their child to behave.

#2 Use Positive Discipline And Positive Reinforcement

 punishment is often not necessary nor is it effective in disciplining children.

But no punishment does not mean no discipline.

Researchers have found that non-coercive discipline, contingent encouragement,

monitoring and problem solving are far more effective in disciplining.

Positive discipline  is one example of such a no-punishment disciplinary strategy.

Positive discipline is based on mutual respect and positive instructions. It

fosters  learning  instead of focusing on  punishing .

To help children stop undesired behavior, the first step is to understand the reasons for
that behavior and address the root cause.

Use encouraging words  as positive reinforcement  to motivate children  in a constructive

way.

What Is Time Out?

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Time out, also known as corner time, is a  psychological behaviorism  strategy  developed
by Arthur Starts through experiments performed on his own children.

Originally, time out means time out from reinforcement.

The idea is that removing the child from the reinforcing activity for a brief period of
time can discourage inappropriate behavior.

This form of discipline is especially preferred in the western countries

over reprimanding, scolding or spanking. Many pediatricians and positive discipline
advocates even name this as an alternative to punishment because it is not seen as a
punitive measure.

an alternative punishment, not an alternative  to  punishment.

Here are some examples of time-out used inappropriately:

 timeouts that last for one or two hour.

 timeouts that require the child to sit still and not move an inch.

 timeouts that require the child to face the corner.

 timeouts that require the child to stand in front of other kids to be humiliated.

 timeouts that are carried out in closets or a locked place.

 timeouts that are accompanied by scolding before and/or afterward.

#3 Be Consistent

Being consistent truly is paramount in no punishment discipline.

Summary

To effectively discipline without punishment:

 Model good behavior.

 Use natural consequences to replace punishment.

 Develop your must-obey list that is age-appropriateness and meets your parental
goals.

 Hold a family meeting to discuss all the rules.

 Agree on the natural consequences that you know you can follow through on.

 Be consistent in enforcing them.

Question #5
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About the Three Types of Discipline

The Three Types:

Preventive Discipline -- measures taken to preempt misbehavior by keeping students engaged.
Supportive Discipline -- measures taken to assist students with self-control by helping them get
back on task.
Corrective Discipline -- measures taken when students are not following classroom or school
rules.

Preventive
Preventing misbehavior is obviously preferable to dealing with it after it has occurred. Most
experts contend that the best way to prevent classroom misbehavior is to provide a stimulating
curriculum that involves students so successfully that they spend little time thinking of
misbehaving. As you plan your discipline system, emphasize preventive discipline by giving
strong attention to the following:

 Make your curriculum as worthwhile and enjoyable as possible.

 Remember that students crave fun, belonging, freedom, power, and dignity.
 Be pleasant and helpful.
 Involve and empower your students by asking them for input and help.
 Reach clear understandings with your students about appropriate class conduct.
 Discuss and practice behaviors to which you have jointly agreed.
 Continually emphasize good manners, self respect, and respect for others.
 Be a role model.

Supportive
All students may become restive and subject to temptation at times. When signs of incipient
misbehavior appear, bring supportive discipline into play. This facet of discipline assists students
with self-control by helping them get back on task. Often only the student involved knows it has
been used. The following tactics are suggested for supportive discipline.

 Use signals directed to a student needing support.

 Learn to catch students' eyes and use head shakes, frowns, and hand signals.
 Use physical proximity when signals are ineffective.
 Show interest in student work. Ask cheerful questions or make favorable comments.
 Sometimes provide a light challenge: "Can you complete five more before we stop?"
 Restructure difficult work by changing the activity or providing help.
 Give hints, clues, or suggestions to help students progress.
 Inject humor into lessons that have become tiring. Students appreciate it.
 Remove distractive objects such as toys, comics, notes, and the like. Return them later.
 Acknowledge good behavior in appropriate ways and at appropriate times.
 Use hints and suggestions as students begin to drift toward misbehavior.
 Show that you recognize students' discomfort: ask for a few minutes more of focused
work.

Corrective
Even the best efforts in preventive and supportive discipline cannot eliminate all misbehavior.
When students violate rules, you must deal with the misbehavior expeditiously. Corrective
discipline should neither intimidate students nor prompt power struggles; but rather should
proceed as follows:

 Stop disruptive misbehavior. It is usually best not to ignore it.

 Talk with the offending student or invoke a consequence appropriate to the misbehavior
in accordance with class rules.
 Remain calm and speak in a matter-of-fact manner.
 Follow through consistently on promised consequences.
 Redirect misbehavior in positive directions.
 If necessary, talk with students privately about misbehavior. Ask how you can help.
 Be ready to invoke an insubordination rule for students who refuse to stop misbehaving.
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Question # 2

How to Employ Techniques for Reducing Inappropriate Behavior

1.  MAKING ACTIVITIES PREDICTABLE

General Principles:

1.  Before any change or transition is going to occur, show your child a picture/object
representing that event, or make a booklet describing the sequence of events.

2.  When you are participating in the event/activity, touch the picture/object to help connect
the representation with the activity.

3.  Guide your child to touch pictures and then immediately provide or do what they represent. 
Practice matching pictures to objects as much as possible.

4.  Keep the visual schedules visible and accessible to the child at all times.

5.  Continually expand the visual materials to reflect the child's changing world.

2.  IGNORING A BEHAVIOR

Note:   There are two methods of ignoring behaviors:  (a) ignoring the behavior, but not the
child; and (b) ignoring the child while the behavior is occuring.  In most instances, you should
begin with method (a).  If, after two weeks, the undesired behavior is not greatly reduced, try
method (b).

(a)  Ignoring the behavior, but not the child

1.  Continue to attend to the child, but do not react in any way to the undesired behavior.

2.  Focus your attention on the appropriate behaviors your child is using and provide immediate
reinforcement for those behaviors.

3.  The more persistent your child becomes, the more resolved you need to be not to react.

4.  Engage your child in an activity to distract him/her from performing this undesired
behavior. 

5.  Continue praising appropriate behaviors at very high rates (i.e. 3x/minute).

(b)  Ignoring the child while the behavior is occurring.

1.  Immediately after observing the behavior, turn away from the child to avoid eye contact.
Do not speak or attend to the child.  Sometimes it will be appropriate to walk away from the
child.

2.  If possible, attend to other children who are behaving appropriately.

3.  Indirectly continue to observe the child.  As soon as you notice that the undesired behavior
has ceased, move closer to the child and attend to him/her with great enthusiasm.  Provide
additional attention to the child for behaving appropriately.

4.  Ignoring is most effective if it is done briefly and consistently (every time the undesired
behavior occurs).  It is very important to restore your attention as soon as the undesired
behavior stops.  Through this approach, you are teaching your child that good behavior gets
good attention, bad behavior gets no attention.
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3.  REINFORCING APPROPRIATE INCOMPATIBLE BEHAVIORS

1.  Once you have observed the undesired behavior, choose an alternative behavior to teach
your child.  This alternative behavior should be physically incompatible with the undesired
behavior (i.e. it should be physically impossible to simultaneously perform both the desired and
the undesired behavior; for example, keeping hand on fork is incompatible with throwing food.)

2.  Guide your child to perform the good behavior whenever possible and reward him/her
immediately and consistently.

3.  Whenever the child begins to perform the undesired behavior, immediately guide him/her
physically to perform the desired behavior.  Reinforce him/her immediately and consistently.

4.  VERBAL CORRECTION / REDIRECTION 

1.  Catch the behavior as soon as possible.

2.  In a firm voice, say "No" and/or present the sign for "no".

3.  Gently, but firmly, physically stop the child from performing the behavior.

4.  Remove anything which is rewarding to the child.  (ex. turn off tv, take away toys, etc.)

5.  If possible, physically guide the child to behave in a desirable way.

6.  Once the child is behaving well, praise and reward him/her by returning the items you
removed:  Be extremely positive and reinforcing!

7.  Remain near the child so that you can reward the continuation of appropriate behavior.

5.  TIME-OUT FROM ATTENTION

1.  Verbally pinpoint the behavior in a firm, neutral voice:  (ex. "No throwing").

2.  Silently guide your child to a designated area, located in a room he/she does not do
anything else in (avoid using bedrooms, kitchens, etc; consider finding a place in a neutral,
non-interesting place like a foyer).

3.  Do not verbally interact with your child at any time.

4.  Once your child is in the time-out area (which may be a chair, a place on the floor, etc.), set
an oven timer for a short period of time (30 seconds to two minutes).  This time period can be
lengthened over time, but when you are first teaching time-out, the duration should be very
short.

5.  Maintain your child in the time-out area with as little involvement with him/her as possible. 
Attend to your child as little as possible, but certainly be sure that he/she is safe.

6.  If your child exhibits a behavior you find unacceptable (i.e. throws, screams), start the timer
over again.

7.  Once your child has maintained appropriate behavior for the time period you have chosen,
the timer will sound and you should praise your child "Nice job getting calm" and guide him/her
to leave the time-out area.

8.  Return the child to a structured activity of some kind.  Be very positive and attentive to
his/her good behavior.
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6.  TIME-OUT FROM AN ACTIVITY

1.  Verbally pinpoint the behavior in a firm, neutral voice:  (ex. "No throwing").

2.  Depending on the situation, either remove the activity from the child, or the child from the
activity.

3.  Guide your child to behave appropriately by providing some other form of stimulation or
some activity to focus on.

4.  Set a timer for 30 seconds to 2 minutes.

5.  If your child exhibits a behavior you find unacceptable, reset the timer.

6.  Once your child has maintained appropriate behavior for the time period you have chosen,
the timer will sound and you should praise your child and return him/her to the original activity.

7.  PHYSICAL GUIDANCE TO COMPLETE PART OF AN ACTIVITY

1.  Before introducing a demand, an activity, or a transition to your child, mentally break the
experience into smaller segments.  For example, if you are requiring your child to help take his
clothes off, a smaller segment might be removing his pants.  If you are transitioning from a car
to the classroom, a smaller segment to focus on is getting from the car to the door of the
school.

2.  If, during the course of the activity/transition, your child behaves poorly to try to escape the
situation, reduce your expectations to a small portion of the overall goal.

3.  Physically guide your child through that portion of the activity, ensuring success by
redirecting him/her, praising good behavior as it occurs, and not allowing the bad behavior to
work as an escape route.  (For example, if your child had a tantrum while trying to teach him to
take off his own clothes, you would hold his hand in yours and guide his hand to remove his
pants.) 

4.  Once he/she completed part of the task with you, you would remove your prompt, say "All
done" and allow him/her to take a break.  You may also want to provide additional rewards at
this time.

5.  When you come back to the task, set your expectations on the next small component and
work at the goal in small steps.  Provide breaks and rewards upon completion of every step. 
Give larger rewards for total cooperation and appropriate behavior.