PERDEV 4 SUMMARY: 

- There  is  a  sense  of  obligation  to remain in 

  contact  with  immediate  family  members, 
PPT 1: TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS  especially with parents 
- We  experience  a  large  number  of  - Sibling  relationships  are  often  exceptional 
relationships in our lives  for  the  sheer  amount  of  shared 
- AFFILIATION​:  the  basic  need  for  the  experiences 
company of others  - Grandparents  are  quite  close  to  their 
  grandchildren  because  they  have  little 
Situational Factors in Affiliation   disciplinary  responsibility  and  can  simply 
Fox (1980)  enjoy the company of the young 
- People  are  particularly  keen  to  be  with   
others  under  ​pleasant  conditions  and  Friendship 
under ​threatening​ ones  - A  voluntary and universal relationship with 
- We  prefer  to  be  alone  under  unpleasant  people whom we like 
circumstances  - There  is  considerable  variation  in  the 
Kulik and Mahler (1989)  degree  of  intimacy  and  stability  of 
- Cancer  patients  preferred  being  with  friendships 
people  who  had  successfully  recovered  - Take  different  forms  and  serve  different 
from such an operation   purposes at various stages of life 
  Norms  and  Rules  that  are  important  in 
Motives for Affiliation (Buunk, 1996)  Friendship​ - Argyle and Henderson (1985) 
● Social comparison  1. Friends freely help in times of need 
○ Formulated by Leon Festinger  2. Friends  trust  and  respect  each  other  and 
○ Compare  feelings/reactions  with  share  confidences  while  respecting  each 
those in the​ same situation  other’s privacy 
● Anxiety reduction  3. Friends  do  not  criticise  each  other  in 
○ Attempt to reduce anxiety  public  and  will  not  tolerate  others  being 
○ Turning  to  sympathetic  people  unpleasant  with  friends  who  are  not  there 
who  might  ​offer  emotional  to defend themselves 
support and reassurance   
● Information seeking  Romantic Relationships 
○ People  tend  to  seek  reassurance  - Earliest stages of a passionate relationship 
from  those  who  are  ​more  involve  quite  spectacular  and  specific 
knowledgeable than themselves  physiological,  psychological,  cognitive, 
  and  emotional  aspects  (Hatfield  and 
  Rapson, 1987) 
  - Passionate  love  is  extremely  fragile  and 
Personality Factors in Affiliation  unenduring,  in  contrast  to  other  types  of 
- People  who  are  high  in  need  to  affiliate  love  which  may  last  a  lifetime  (Walster 
are  concerned  about  establishing  and  and Walster, 1978) 
maintaining  ​positive  relationships  with   
others  and  tend  to  watch  people  closely  PPT 2: Robert Sternberg’s TRIANGLE OF LOVE 
in social interactions   
  Robert Sternberg 
Family  - American Psychologist 
- Providing  a  shared  identity  and  a  secure  - Triangle  of  Love,  Triarchic  Theory  of 
base  Intelligence, Three-Process View 
- Most enduring of all relationships   
Triangular Theory of Love  ● Romantic Love (P + I) 
- Separates  love  into  three comprehensible  ○ Based  on  both  physical  and 
components  emotional attraction 
- Total  love  one  is  involved  in  depends  on  ○ The  lovers  feel mutual passion and 
the  strength  formed  by  the  entirety  of the  accompanied  by  the  feeling  that 
three components  they  can  bare  their  souls  to  one 
  another 
COMPONENTS:  ● Companionate Love (I +C) 
● Intimacy  ○ Exists  in  a  long-term  committed 
○ The emotional component  friendship  or  in  marriage  in  which 
○ Involves  sharing,  mutual  physical attraction has waned 
understanding  and  emotional  ○ Most  romantic  relationships  that 
support  last  eventually  turn  into 
○ Creates warmth in a relationship  companionate love relationships 
● Passion  ● Fatuous Love (P + C) 
○ The motivational component  ○ Commitment  made  on  the  basis  of 
○ Involves  physical  attraction,  sexual  passion  alone  as  typified  by  a 
desire  and  the  feeling  of  being  ‘in  ‘whirlwind romance’ 
love’  ○ Intimacy  has  had  no  time  to 
● Commitment  develop and passion soon fades 
○ The cognitive component   ● Consummate Love (All three) 
○ Involves  a  short-term  decision  that  ○ A  complete  love  towards  which 
you  love  someone  and  a  many  people  strive,  especially  in 
longer-term  commitment  to  romantic relationships 
maintain that love  ○ Sought  in  the  relationship  with 
  those  that  mean  the  most  to  a 
MANIFESTATIONS:  person 
● Liking (Intimacy)  ● Nonlove (None) 
○ The  feeling  involved  in  true  and  ○ The  absence  of  the  three 
deep friendships  components 
○ There  is  closeness and warmth but  ○ Refers  to  casual  interaction  and 
no  passion  and  long-term  acquaintances 
commitment   
● Infatuation (Passion) 
○ Obsession  with  an  idealized 
partner  than  a  real  person,  typical 
of ‘love at first sight’ 
○ Involves  a  high  degree  of  physical 
and mental arousal and tend to last 
only  if  the  relationship  is  not 
consummated 
● Empty Love (Commitment) 
○ Typical  the  kind  of  love  in  a 
long-term  stagnant  relationship  in   
which  people  have  lost  mutual   
emotional  involvement  and  due  to   
habit,  fear  of  change,  or  ‘for  the   
sake of the children’ 
THE ACTION TRIANGLE  ○ Based on fun and strategy with no 
- Most people feel and experience love but  commitment and with a belief in 
unable to express them  ‘playing the field’ 
  ○ Usually short-lived and will 
Ways to put Intimacy  eventually end as soon as 
- Communicating inner feelings  boredom sets in 
- Promoting other’s well-being  ● Possessive Love (Mania) 
- Sharing of each other’s possessions, time  ○ An emotionally intense, jealous, 
and self  obsessive love shown by an 
- Expressing empathy for the other  anxious individual who lives in 
- Providing emotional and material support  constant fear of rejection 
Ways to put Passion  ● Pragmatic Love (Pragma) 
- Gazing  ○ A logical love based on selecting a 
- Hugging  partner who satisfies practical 
- Touching  needs and is a match in terms of 
- Kissing  age, religion, background and 
- Making love  personality 
Ways to put Commitment  ● Altruistic Love (Agape) 
- Pledging  ○ An unconditional, caring, giving 
- Fidelity  and forgiving type of love 
- Engagement  ○ No expectation of reciprocity 
- Marriage  ○ Love is self-sacrificing 
- Keeping the relationship strong despite   
hardships  PPT 4: Gary Chapman’s LOVE LANGUAGES 
   
PPT 3: John Alan Lee’s STYLES OF LOVING  Gary Chapman  
  - American pastor and a senior associate 
John Alan Lee  pastor 
- Canadian writer, academic and political  - Known for his concept of Five Love 
activist and sociologist  Languages 
- Early advocate for LGBT rights in Canada   
- Academic research into sociological and  Love Languages 
psychological aspects of love and  ● Words of Affirmation 
sexuality  ○ Affirmative, active and appreciative 
  verbal communication 
Styles of Loving  ○ Convey encouragement, kindness, 
● Romantic Love (Eros)  humility and forgiveness 
○ An all-consuming emotional  ○ Can be expressed through spoken 
experience, an immediate  and written messages 
powerful physical attraction to  ● Physical Touch 
someone  ○ An essential biological need to 
● Companionate Love (Storge)  communicate emotional intimacy 
○ A comfortable intimacy that grows  to reduce tension and stress 
slowly and involves mutual sharing  ○ Expression of love that adds 
and gradual self-disclosure  feelings of connectedness and 
● Game-Playing Love (Ludus)  security 
● Acts of Service 
 ○ Doing things that the other person  ● Secure Base 
enjoys  ● Separation Distress 
○ Require thought, planning, time,   
effort and energy   
○ Actions are used to show and  Key Propositions: 
receive love  1. When children are raised with confidence 
● Quality Time  that their primary caregiver will be 
○ Expressing affection with  available to them, they are less likely to 
undivided, undistracted attention  experience fear than those who are raised 
○ Personality types, togetherness,  without such conviction 
quality conversation, quality  2. This confidence is forged during a critical 
activities and learning to talk  period of development, during the years 
● GIft Giving  of infancy, childhood, and adolescence. 
○ Physical things that a person can  The expectations that are formed tend to 
give to another  remain relatively unchanged for the rest 
○ A fundamental expression of love  of the person’s life 
that transcends cultural barriers  3. These expectations that are formed are 
○ Thoughts count  directly tied with experience. Children 
  develop expectations that their caregivers 
PPT 5: John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s  will be responsive to their needs because, 
ATTACHMENT STYLES  in their experience, their caregivers have 
  been responsive in the past. 
ATTACHMENT   
- A special emotional relationship that  Mary Ainsworth 
involves an exchange of comfort, care and  - American-Canadian developmental 
pleasure  psychologist 
- “Lasting psychological connectedness  - Strange Situation Assessment 
between human beings”   
  Strange Situation Assessment 
John Bowlby  1. Mother, baby and experimenter 
- British psychologist and psychoanalyst  2. Mother and baby alone 
- Believed that early childhood attachments  3. A stranger joins the mother and the infant 
played a critical role in later development  4. Mother leaves baby and stranger alone 
and mental functioning  5. Mother returns and stranger leaves 
- Known for his Attachment Theory  6. Mother leaves; infant left completely 
  alone 
Bowlby’s Attachment Theory  7. Stranger returns 
- The attachment behavioral system is  8. Mother returns and stranger leaves 
described as an innate psychobiological   
system that motivates human beings of all  Ainsworth’s Attachment Styles 
ages to seek proximity to significant  1. Secure Attachment 
figures in times of need as a means of  2. Insecure-Avoidant Attachment 
protecting oneself from threats and  3. Insecure-Ambivalent/Resistant 
alleviating distress  Attachment 
  4. Disorganized (later identified; Main and 
Characteristics of Attachment  Solomon, 1990) 
● Proximity Maintenance   
● Safe Haven 
Dimensions of Attachment Styles (Brennan et al.,  ○ Children often show a mix of 
1998)  behaviors including avoidance or 
1. Attachment-related Anxiety  resistance to their caregivers 
2. Attachment-related Avoidance  ○ As adults, they are afraid of being 
  too close or too distant from 
Hazan and Shaver (1987, 1990)  others; they are overwhelmed by 
- Argue that the kinds of attachment bonds  their reactions and often 
we form in childhood influence the style  experience emotional storms 
of loving we experience as an adult 
- Asked adults to select from three 
descriptions 
 
Attachment Styles  
● Secure Attachment 
○ Children see their parents as a 
secure base from which they can 
venture out and independently 
explore the world 
○ As adults, they tend to have 
trusting and lasting relationships, 
high self-esteem, enjoy intimate   
relationships, seek out social   
support and share feelings with  PPT 6: COMPONENTS OF RELATIONSHIP 
other people   
● Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment  SELF-DISCLOSURE 
○ When left alone, children  - The revealing of private and personal 
displayed considerable distress  information about yourself that you could 
but do not seem reassured or  not, as far as you are concerned, be 
comforted by the return of the  acquired otherwise 
parent  - Gradual and mutual 
○ As adults, they are wary of   
strangers, reluctant to become  Social Penetration Theory - Altman and Taylor 
close to others, worry about their  (1973) 
relationships and feel suspicion or  - As relationships grow increasingly more 
distrust  intimate, they penetrate more and more 
● Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment  deeply into the private, social and mental 
○ These children often pull away  life of the self 
from needing anything and  - Changes that occur in the type of 
sometimes they develop into ‘little  exchange as a relationship becomes more 
adults’ who take care of  intimate 
themselves  1. Orientation Stage 
○ As adults, their lives are not  2. Exploratory Affective Stage 
balanced; they are inward and  3. Affective Stage 
isolated and emotionally removed  4. Stable Exchange Stage 
from themselves and others   
● Fearful-Avoidant Attachment  RULES 
 - Behavior that most people think or believe  1. Regulating rules - regulate behavior to 
should be performed, or should not be  minimize potential sources of conflict that 
performed (Argyle and Henderson, 1985)  may disrupt the relationship 
- Types of Rules  2. Reward rules - provide an exchange of 
1. Rewardingness rules  rewards that motivate the individual to 
2. Intimacy rules  stay in the relationship 
3. Rules for coordination and avoiding   
difficulties   
4. Rules of behavior with third parties  POWER 
  - Can be defined as the ability of a person 
Rules for friendship  to make demands on another and to have 
- Volunteer help in times of need  those demands met 
- Seek to repay debts, favours and  - Based on the control of valuable 
compliments  resources 
- Show emotional support   
Rules for a dating relationship  Sources of Social Power - French and Raven 
- Show mutual trust  (1959) 
- Be punctual  1. Coercive Power 
- Be faithful to one another  2. Reward Power 
- Touch the other person intentionally  3. Legitimate Power 
Rules for marriage  4. Referent Power 
- Create a harmonious home atmosphere  5. Expert Power 
- Give birthday cards and presents   
- Inform the partner about one’s personal  In an intimate relationship, power depends on 
schedule  several factors including: 
- Talk to partner about religion and politics  ● Psychological Dependency 
Rules for in-laws  ○ Principle of Least Interest (Waller 
- Don’t engage in sexual activity  and Hill, 1951) 
- Invite each other to family celebrations  ○ States that the person who is less 
- Remember birthdays  interested in continuing the 
- Repay debts, favors or compliments  relationship has greater power and 
Rules for subordinates at work  therefore greater influence over 
- Don’t hesitate to question when orders are  what happens 
unclear  ● Personal Resources 
- Put forward and defend own ideas  ○ The greater the resources, the 
- Be willing and cheerful  greater the power 
- Be willing to take orders  ● Social Norms 
Rules for two people who don’t get on with each  ○ It is hardly surprising that most 
other  marriages are not egalitarian and 
- Should strive to be fair in relations with  this is particularly due to 
one another  differences in male and female 
- Should not invite to dine in family  roles in intimate relationships 
celebrations  (Pepalau and Gordon, 1983) 
- Should not feel free to take up as much of   
the other’s time as one desires  PPT7: DETERMINANTS OF INTERPERSONAL 
- Should not ignore the other person  ATTRACTION 
   
Functions of Rules  NATURAL SELECTION 
 - Theorized by evolutionary psychologists  about their personal feelings toward this 
- Women prefer to mate with men who  stranger 
would be good fathers and who would  - Law of Attraction: states that there is a 
stay around to be good providers   direct linear relationship between the 
- Men prefer to mate with women who  level of attraction and the proportion of 
could bear healthy babies and who could  similar attitudes 
feed their children  - Most stable marriages are those between 
  couples who are similar (Cattell and 
PROXIMITY/PROPINQUITY  Nesselrode, 1967) 
- Festinger et al. (1950) observed  Exceptions to the Similarity Rule: 
friendships that formed in a block of  - If individuals have low self-esteem, so 
apartments for married students  that they don’t like themselves very much, 
consisting of 17 separate buildings, each  then neither do they like those whom they 
comprising 10 flats on two floors  perceive as being similar to them 
- Same building, more friendships  (Leonard, 1975) 
- Same floor, more friendships  - In situations where there is a great deal of 
  uncertainty and confusion, we may prefer 
- The functional distance, that is the  to seek out people different from 
likelihood of people coming into contact,  ourselves, perhaps in the hope that they 
is also very influential  can provide us with new information and 
- Several other studies support the  offer a different perspective 
importance of both the physical and  - Proximity is more important than similarity. 
functional distances in friendship  Newcomb (1961), in a variation of his 
formation  original study, deliberately pitted similarity 
  against proximity. 
- Segal (1974) monitored the friendship   
patterns of police cadets who were  PHYSICAL ATTRACTION 
assigned to their rooms and to seats in  - “Blessed are the good-looking for they 
classrooms according to alphabetical  shall have fun” 
order of their surnames  - Importance: 
  1. Aesthetic pleasure 
- Importance of Proximity  2. What is Beautiful is Good​ effect 
1. Familiarity and exposure  3. Gaining of considerable prestige 
2. Low costs   
3. Expectation of continued  RECIPROCAL LIKING 
interaction  - The extent to which a person like another 
4. Predictability  - In general, we like people who like us and 
5. Evolutionary sense  dislike those who dislike us 
   
SIMILARITY  Qualifications and Exceptions to the Reciprocal 
- Byrne and his colleagues conducted  Liking 
many laboratory in which participants  - Male participants who were led to believe 
were requested to complete a  that a group of women liked them only 
questionnaire concerning their personal  reciprocated these feelings when the 
characteristics  women were physically attractive (Sigall 
- They were then shown the questionnaire  and Aronson, 1969) 
answers of another person and asked  - If someone who likes us tells us things 
about ourselves which do not correspond 
 to our self-concept, we will not return 
their liking (Berscheid and Walster, 1969) 
 
- Importance: 
- Being liked bolsters our 
self-esteem, makes us feel valued 
and therefore offers positive 
reinforcement (is rewarding) 
 
COMPLEMENTARITY 
- Winch (1958) argued to some people are 
attracted to each other because each 
complements the needs of the other 
- There is little evidence that it is actually 
true, despite its being investigated by 
many psychologists 
- The rule of similarity is far more likely to 
apply 
 
COMPETENCE 
- On the whole, we prefer people who are 
socially skilled, intelligent and competent 
over those who are not 
- Importance: 
1. Halo Effect: our overall impression 
of a person influences how we feel 
and think about his or her character 
2. Rewarding to be with whatever 
their particular area of competence 
 
MODULE: DEVELOPMENT AND DETERIORATION 
OF RELATIONSHIPS