LESSON 10: PERSONALRELATIONSHIP According to Fisher, there are three stages of falling in
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP is the type of relationship which is
closely associated with a person and which can only mean to
this person.
a. Privacy and Intimacy are two characteristics that define
personal relationships.
b. Impersonal or Informal Relationships may have
commitment not to a person or group of persons but to an
entity such as a business organization, a principle, or a
cause.
c. Attachment is the emotional bond that typically forms
between infant and caregiver is the means by which the
helpless infant gets primary needs met.
● Secure Attachment is when the primary caregiver is
most of the time present and available and when all the
emotional needs of an infant are met, providing a sense
of security to the infant.
● Avoidant Attachment is when the primary caregiver is
cold and detached, and even unresponsive to a child’s
need. The child senses rejection and this often leads to
premature detachments and self-reliance.
● Anxious-Ambivalent Attachment is when the primary
caregiver is not consistent in terms of presence and in
meeting a child’s emotional needs.
love:
● Lust is driven by the sex hormones, testosterone, and
estrogen. These hormones affect both sexes.
● Attraction is the stage when a person loses sleep and
appetite over someone, and swoons while daydreaming
of this social person.
● Attachment is when the couple in love decides to
continue with the relationship, they enter the attachment
stage where long-lasting commitments are exchanged
Theories and Research results to attraction and liking:
● TRANSFERENCE EFFECT – Usually these people
remind us of someone in the past who has affected our
sense of self and our behavior (Andersen, Reznik and
Manzella 1996)
● Propinquity Effect – People we are familiar with make
us feel safe and secure. Because we can predict their
behavior, we find people who we are familiar with more
likeable than others (Borstein, 1989; Moreland and
Zajonc, 1982)
● Similarity – Acc. to a study conducted by Aron, Kalick
and Hamilton (1988), similarity is a strong factor in
friendship and in the selection of a mate because it
promotes intimacy, trust, empathy, and long-lasting
relationships.
● Reciprocity – Acc. to research reciprocity is a stronger
basis for liking another person than similarity.
● Physical Attractiveness – Several research studies
were conducted to confirm that physical attractiveness is
a major factor in liking someone and usually, first
impression counts a lot, too.
● Personality Characteristics and Traits – People get
attracted to two characteristics that lead to liking the
other person, these are: emphatic persons, who exude
warmth and sympathy and socially competent persons
who are good communicators and enjoy good
conversations.
● Intimacy – Researchers Reis, Clark and Holmes (2004)
and Reis and Shaver (1998) defined intimacy as “that
lovely moment when someone understands and validates
us.
● Commitment – is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill
and live by agreements made with another person, entity
or cause and where the values of integrity and respect
serve as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking.
● Passion – is the intense state of being that drives and
consumes a person to pursue an interest, a vision or a
person.
Three Variables related to Commitment:
● Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship
● Temptation of alternative partners
● Investments made by the couple in the relationship
Three Behaviors Married Couples may do that can
predict a divorce or separation:
● Criticism
● Denial of the existence of conflict
● Contempt
Responsibilities in a Relationship:
● Be responsible for what you think and say to the other
person
● Be responsible for what you promise and to do or not do.
● Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial
● Respect the other party or parties involved
● Be ready to provide support when needed
LESSON 11: SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS IN MIDDLE
AND LATE ADOLESCENCE
1. Social relationship is a broad definition of how we interact
and behave with other people, and how they interact and
behave with us. In social relationships, we learn to cooperate
with others in achieving a common objective. What
differentiates personal relationships with social relationships
is the degree of intimacy and vulnerability we offer to other
people. The more intimate and vulnerable we are with
another, the more personal our relationship is with this
person.
2. Social influences are things that change people's
behaviour, belief, and attitude as a result of an action of
another person or group. There are several varieties of
social influence:
a. Compliance is when a person seems to agree and
follows what is requested or required of him or her to
do or believe in, but does not necessarily have to
really believe or agree to it.
b. Identification is when a person is influenced by
someone he or she likes or looks up to, like a movie
star, a social celebrity, or a superhero.
c. Internalization is when a person is able to own a
certain belief or act, and is willing to make it known
publicly and privately.
d. Conformity is a type of social influence that involves
a change in behaviour, belief, or thinking to be like
others to obtain their friendship and acceptance.
e. Conversion occurs when an individual
wholeheartedly changes his or her original thinking
and beliefs, actions, and attitude to align with and
accept those of the other members of a group.
f. Minority influence happens when a bigger number
of people are influenced by a much smaller number of
people to accept the minority's way of looking at and
doing things.
g. Reactance is a reverse reaction to some social
influence that is being imposed by a person or a
group on another to accept a certain belief, behavior,
or attitude.
h. Obedience is another form of social influence that
involves someone in a position of authority.
i. Persuasion is used by one person or group to
influence others to change their beliefs, actions, or
attitudes by appealing to reason or emotion.
3. There are several leadership theories:
a. Trait Theory states there are certain personality traits
inherent in and suited for all leaders such as
decisiveness, persistence, high level of
self-confidence and assertiveness, among others.
b. Behavioral Theory presupposes that leadership is a
learned behaviour, and that leaders are defined
according to certain types of behaviour they exhibit.
c. Participative Theory is the opposite of an autocratic
leader; a participative leader involves other people in
making common decisions.
d. Situational Theory assumes that there is no one
style of leadership and that leadership behaviour is
based on the factors present in a situation, and
usually takes into consideration how followers
behave.
e. Transactional Theory states that leadership involves
a transaction or negotiation of resources or positions,
and usually employs reward and punishment.
f. Transformational Theory involves a vision in which
a leader uses to rally support from followers, and the
role of the leader is in motivating others to support the
vision and make it happen.
g. Authentic leadership has three characteristics or
axioms:
● Leadership is situational. This means that a
leader's behaviour is influenced by the situation.
● Leadership is non-hierarchical. The exercise of
leadership is not based on one's position in an
organizational chart alone but also dependent on
other factors such as characteristics, skills, and
even connections
● Leadership is relational. Leaders have followers,
and both establish a relationship where their
interests are mutually met.
An authentic leader has the following critical elements
present:
● They walk their talk. They are consistent in what they say
and what they do, practicing what they are preaching.
● They adjust to situations and display adaptability and
flexibility but are consistent with their values and real
selves even when they take on different roles during
different situations.
● They have a high level of comfort being themselves,
even if they come from backgrounds that are different
from the people or situations they deal with.
h. Heroic leadership is based on four principles:
● Self-awareness
● Ingenuity
● Love
● Heroism
4. Leader-Member Exchange (LMX) Theory states that leaders'
effectiveness is measured by the quality of their relationship
with their followers, and that different types of relationships
can evolve between leader and follower in a certain work
situation.
5. Other types of leaders are:
● The "Why" type of leader is usually the visionary, the one
who believes results can be achieved;
● The "How" type of leader is the realist who is able to see
how to work out a vision; and
● The "What" type of leader is the builder who provides the
details on how to get things done.
LESSON 12: UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT
Conflict is the dynamics when two or more people,
organizations, or nations perceive one another as a threat to
their interests. Conflict is a perceived incompatibility of actions
or goals between people or nations and happens when there is
an imbalance between concern for oneself and those of others
(Conflict Resolution Group Foundation Inc,. 2014) Individuals
and organizations without conflict are either in denial, have no
genuine concern for others, or simply apathetic. At the heart of
every conflict is the lack of recognition of a person’s basic
human values such as respect or justice.
THE NATURE OF CONFLICT
Conflict inflicts so much pain and negative emotions on those
involved. Reasoning is often clouded and miscommunication
occurs especially at the height of an emotional argument when
words are exchanged to inflict harm on the other.
Oftentimes, conflict follows a cycle of retaliation. Conflict is
started by what is known as a “triggering event”, which happens
when an act of one party is perceived as a threat by the other
party. The triggering event produces a threatening feeling on the
other party and this is often followed by a strong negative
emotion like anger or contempt . An angry individual, group,
nation or organization will then act this anger and will retaliate
against the other party. The retaliatory act becomes the
triggering event to the party that initiated the first triggering
event. The cycle goes on until this is broken through the
invention of a third party or when the two parties decided to
discuss the situation to seek a common solution to the crisis.
CONFLICT STAGES
Conflict may happen anywhere whenever there are people.
Conflict may also involve just yourself, such as not being able to
decide whether to study or not for a test so you can be with your
friends, or getting into conflict with the law. According to the
ESCAP publication on Conflict Negotiation Skills for Youth
(2003), there are four stages of conflict that do not necessarily
happen exclusively at any single time, but may happen
simultaneously.
1. Intrapersonal - with oneself, like one is indecisive about
things
 2. Interpersonal - among two or more individuals, like
having a misunderstanding between friend, family
members, or lovers.
3. Intragroup - within the same interest group, like a
student’s organization
4. Intergroup - between two or more groups, like
fraternities
RESPONSES TO CONFLICT
Faced with a conflict situation, human beings often choose
between two types of responses, flight or fight. For a flight
response, there are several types of behaviour involved:
avoidance, ignoring or denial. Avoidance means to evade the
cause of strong emotion or uneasiness for another person who
is in conflict with you. Ignoring is when you are in the same
place as the person you are in conflict with, and you disregard
or snub his presence. Denying is when someone asks you if you
are quarrelling with a person you are in conflict with but you
disagree or refute the comment or observation.
Facing a conflict involves several types of behaviour. One is to
directly confront the other person and engage with a peaceful
dialogue. However, when emotions are running high, violent
behaviour usually occurs. In the book, Mediation for managers:
Resolving conflict and rebuilding relationships at Work by John
Crawley and Katherine Graham (2002;2007) the authors
identified four strategies that people can use when in conflict in
the workplace:
● Fight - force the other party to accept a stand that is
against the party interest.
● Submit - yield to the demands of the other party and
agree to end the conflict.
● Flee - leave the situation where the conflict is occurring
or change the topic.
● Freeze - do nothing and just wait for the other party’s
next move or allow the pressure to build up.
WHAT CREATES A CONFLICT?
1. Conflict may arise due to following (Myers 2013):
2. Competing for scarce or limited resources such as time,
jobs, food, natural resources, and even love and affection
with family or relationships.
3. Disagreement over the interpretation of facts or
information
4. Perceiving threats to one’s one needs and interests
5. Perceiving unjust treatment caused by another person or
entity
6. Miscommunication between parties
7. Misjudging another person’s or group’s beliefs system
born out prejudice or bias
8. Exhibiting behaviours that are destructive to another
person’s well-being or reputation

CAUSES OF CONFLICT
According to Christopher W. Moore in his book, the mediation
process: practical ways for resolving conflict (2003) there are
five causes of conflict: relationship, data, interest, structural and
values. In conflict situations, several of these causes may be
present. Conflict develops in a relationship between individuals
when there is an imbalance in recognizing and providing for the
needs or interests of the other party. Conflict may also arise in
the lack or misinterpretation of data, like someone quoting
research figures that may be questionable to others. Interests
are usually driven by needs, and when needs are not met,
conflict happens. Structural causes of conflict usually involve
human organizations, social structures or processes. Values
also cause conflict when prioritization of these values varies
from one party to another.
COSTS OF CONFLICT
What suffers when one is in conflict with another person or
group? A pestering conflict situation may put one’s health and
well-being in jeopardy. Conflict may also decrease one’s self
confidence, doubt one’s self worth and even question one’s
values.
POSITIVE EFFECTS OF CONFLICT
Not every conflict has to end up with negative results. When a
conflict is viewed as a positive factor in the development of
individuals or groups, this can lead to more growth and
deepening of relationships. Personal as well as work
relationships that are in conflict can resolve this through genuine
communication and healthy dialogue, trust respect, and caring.
Relationship often grow deeper and more satisfying because it:
● Allows for issues to surface
● Raises the awareness of both person’s needs
● Allows emotions to be expressed
● Understand and accept the uniqueness and differences
of other people;
● Strengthens the resolve of the parties to pursue common
goals; and
● Encourages dialogue and empowerment (Crawley and
Graham 2002)
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Based on the two dimensions, there are five models in dealing
with conflict. These are:
Competing- is assertive and uncooperative. An individual’s
interests are above all else, power and authority are often used
to win against others
1. Accommodating - is unassertive and cooperative. An
individual is willing to neglect his or her interests or needs
 for the sake of the other person, yielding one’s position
and allowing the others to pursue his or her position at
the other’s expense.
2. Compromising - is moderately assertive and moderately
cooperative. An individual is neither here nor there,
prefers to split whatever is at stake in half to partly satisfy
both parties just to get over the problem.
3. Avoiding - is unassertive and uncooperative. The
individual prefers to stay out of the situation either by
postponing a decision, taking a wait and see position, or
withdrawing completely until the conditions are better.
4. Collaborating - is assertive and cooperative. The
individual seeks a mutually satisfying solution by
understanding the needs and interests of the other
person, and expanding the resources rather than
competing over them. Seeks a win-win solution.
NEGOTIATING THROUGH A PERSONAL CONFLICT
SITUATION
1. Understand the nature of the conflict.
2. Acknowledge your feelings and emotions
3. Examine your relationship with this person
4. Clarify your intentions
If you wish to keep the relationship have a talk with the person
involved
Once the dialogue is accomplished to you and the other
person’s mutual satisfaction, then grant a reconciliatory act.
LESSON 13: FAMILY STRUCTURE AND LEGACY
1. There are several variations of the family structure, which
continue to evolve through time: traditional or nuclear.
Single parent, extended, childless, interracial, adoptive,
and same-sex.
2. Family structures are found to influence the personal
development of children and adolescents. Ascribing to
Bandura's theory of social learning, children and
adolescents learn through observing many types of
behaviour and attitudes they see in their families. Some
may have positive effects while there are others that may
have negative impact on the child or adolescent.
3. Parental authority and parenting styles also influence the
development of a child and adolescent. Authoritative
parents who impose behavioural control over their
children often produce positive results. In contrast,
parents who are more lenient and use psychological
control tend to diminish the sense of self of the children
or the adolescents.
4. Hereditary or genetic influence and environmental
influence are factors in the personal development of
children. Aside from physical characteristics that are
often passed down from one generation to the next,
some personality traits are likewise passed on, such as
temperament and intelligence.