Personal Development

Lesson 5:Personal Relationship

What is Personal Relationship? How do we give sense to the term relationship?

According to Oxford online dictionary it defines it as “ the way in which two or more people or
things are connected, or the state of being connected. Taking from these definitions, we can say
that a personal relationship is a connection between people involving the exchange of interactions
leading to strong emotional ties. Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and to
fully enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information, inspiration, practice and social
support. There are three kinds of personal relationships:

1. Family
The concept of “family” is an essential component in any discussion of relationships, but this varies
greatly from person to person. The Bureau of Census defines family as “two or more persons who
are related by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one household.” But many
people have family they do not live with or to whom they are bonded by love, and the role of
family vary across cultures as well as throughout your own lifetime. Some typical characteristics
of a family are support, mutual trust, regular interactions, shared beliefs and values, security and a
sense of community.

2. Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people that is often built upon mutual
experiences, shared interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to turn to each
other in times of need. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, social-network researchers and
authors of the book CONNECTED, find that the average person has about six close ties-- though
some have more, and many have only one or none.

3. Partnerships. Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close relationships formed

between two people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and romantic love. We usually
experience this kind of relationship with only one person at a time

Triangular Theory of Love

Robert Sternberg, an American psychologist and psychometrician born on December 8, 1949,
presented three components of love namely: intimacy, passion and commitment. Out of these
three, different types of love were generated having variations of one , two or three components.

Let us define the concepts first:

1. Intimacy
-it is a state of extreme interpersonal emotional closeness such that each party’s personal space
can be entered without causing discomfort, it is also an affectionate or loving personal relationship
and deep understanding for each other; being intimate with another means being honest, sincere
and open to that person encompassing an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect in the
relationship.

2. Passion
- is a strong inclination toward a self-defining activity that one likes (or even loves). “In a romantic
sense, passion can be defined as a strong sexual desire for your object of interest.

3. Commitment
- a committed relationship is a cooperative relationship based on covenant which involves
exclusivity, love, faith, respect, trust and sincerity. A committed individual who is willing to stay in a
relationship thru thick and thin.
Let us take a look at the illustration explaining each type:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/95/Triangular_Theory_of_Love.svg
1. Liking
- it is at the top most area of the triangle since it involves intimacy alone. Liking is what we feel for
our friends for the warmth and acceptance we receive whenever we are in their company, but this
lacks the element of passion and long-term commitment which we find in other types of love.

2. Infatuation
-locate at the leftmost side of the triangle which involves passion alone. Often characterized by
physical attraction and sexual arousal. This usually happens in the initial stage of the relationship
and commonly perceived as “love at first sight”. Since time element can serve as a great tool to
build emotional understanding and commitment, infatuation may suddenly disappear.

3. Empty Love
-is at the right side of the triangle which involves commitment alone. There comes a time when an
intense love weakens and turns into an empty love where commitment is the only element left in
the relationship.In early stages of relationship, empty love occurs during fix marriages where
families of both parties agreed to pre-arrange the matrimony as part of their culture or belief.

4. Romantic Love
- found at the left side joined by both passion and intimacy.This happens when relationship is
budding; there is an intense physical and sexual attraction towards each other and strong intimacy
or liking as they spend time and treat themselves as best of friends.

5. Companionate Love
- placed at the right side of the triangle built by intimacy and commitment but lacks passion or
sexual arousal. This happens in older relationships or long-term marriages where the passion has
died but they still manage to stay together because of their commitment as a couple and emotional
bonding brought by their deep affection for each other.
6. Fatuous Love
- tied between passion and commitment. This can happen during whirlwind courtship and marriage
where the intense passion or sexual attraction led to marriage in the absence of a deep emotional
bond to stabilize the relationship.

7. Consummate Love
- it is the complete form of love, where there is a presence of intimacy, passion and commitment.
Couple have a deep emotional understanding shared with each other, the intense passion or sexual
attraction for each other has not wavered in spite of staying together for many years and promise
of commitment to stay together no matter how difficult the struggles are. Absence of one element
can automatically change the type of love.

What makes a Good Relationship?

1. Learning how to give and receive
- a good relationship is based on mutual affiliation. This means that both individuals should agree
to give and take in the process. The relationship will be short-lived if it is primarily built on what one
can get from the other.

2. The ability to reveal feelings

- partners should be willing to disclose things about oneself which includes likes and dislikes,
dreams for the future , weaknesses etc. In this way, both will have the opportunity to know his/her
partner thoroughly which could strengthen intimacy between them leading to a deep emotional
understanding.

3. The power to listen and support

- it is understood that when two individuals care for each other, the last thing on their mind is to
hurt his/her partner’s feelings. Both should learn how to listen and assist each other. Respect for
the individual should be one primary concerns.