Yellow Rose

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/18910405.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Relationship: Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin
Character: Jeon Jungkook, Park Jimin (BTS), Jeon Jungkook's Parents, Kim
Taehyung | V, Kim Namjoon | RM, Min Yoongi | Suga, Kim Seokjin | Jin,
Jung Hoseok | J-Hope
Additional Tags: Dealing With Loss, Grief/Mourning, Depression, Supernatural Elements,
perhaps some crying, but it's not too sad lmao, but maybe its a lil sad,
jimin has fluffy blonde hair, jimin calls jungkook a bunny a lot, many
references to gcf in tokyo, Sunrises, Amusement Parks, Flowers
Stats: Published: 2019-05-21 Words: 12645

Yellow Rose
by miniekoo

Summary

“I was never really one to believe in soulmates, but meeting you, getting the chance to
know and to love you was best blessing I've ever received, and it made me believe
otherwise.

Maybe even the red string of fate is actually true.

Because even now, I’m tied to you.

I'm still here.”

Notes

Note: Jikook are aged up. Jimin is 25 (1993), Jungkook is 24 (1994)

Please forgive any grammar mistakes we may have missed. Enjoy!

See the end of the work for more notes

Present Day

August 16, 2019

“Hey, sleepyhead. It’s time to wake up.”

Jungkook groaned into his pillow and kept his eyes closed, but Jimin with his soft voice spoke
again from beside him, “Baby, it’s already late in the morning. You need to wake up.”

Jungkook pulled off the covers away from his body, discarding the blue sheets on his bed. He
opted for blue as he absolutely hated white sheets. Jungkook shifted in the bed and turned towards
Jimin, he yawned and opened his eyes, looking at the man laying down beside him. Jimin’s face
and light blonde hair was illuminated by the sun’s rays that filtered through the window blinds. He
looked absolutely beautiful, Jungkook could never get over how beautiful his husband looked.
Never.

Jungkook smiled, thinking about what he would do just to keep on seeing Jimin’s face forever. He
leaned on his elbow and pressed a soft kiss on Jimin’s lips, making him giggle.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too.”

After taking a shower and putting on some fresh clothes, Jungkook went to the kitchen where Jimin
waited for him. Jimin sat on the counter, grinning cheekily at him, noticing his washed hair and
new clothes. Jungkook hadn’t washed his hair in what? 2 days? Usually, it took longer. Couldn’t be
fucking bothered with basic hygiene, but Jimin always nagged at him for it, and besides, today
seemed like it would be a good day anyway. At least he hoped so.

“Wipe that smile off your face,” Jungkook teased.

“No, I’m happy. It’s progress.”

Jungkook looked at the kitchen cabinets, looking for something to eat. Nothing, nothing here,
empty. His food stock was running low, he’d need to go to the grocery again soon. Right now he
took the lonely box of Cheerios from one of the cabinets and shook out the contents into a bowl.
His fridge was empty too, save for a carton of milk and a few cans of beer. Jungkook fixed himself
up a measly bowl of cereal and sidled up next to Jimin on the kitchen counter.

“Jungkook, you need to start eating real food. Try to lessen the deliveries and take-outs, they’re all
junk food, you know.”

“Yes, baby, I know. I was thinking of grocery shopping today, actually.” Jungkook replied.

Jimin’s smile became even bigger. He reached up a hand and patted Jungkook’s hair, a burst of
happiness and a subtle stab of pain crossed Jungkook’s chest, but he smiled back.

“That’s good, that’s really good. Next thing you know, you’ll be back at work.” Jimin said, his
eyes full of pride.
“Don’t push it, Jimin.” Jungkook replied, narrowing his eyes.

A short giggle escaped Jimin’s lips, “Of course, of course. Baby steps, alright?”

Jungkook ate his poor attempt at breakfast and asked Jimin, “What date is it today?”

Jungkook had honestly lost track of time, he didn’t even try to keep track of it anymore. Who cares
what month or day is it anyway? He certainly doesn’t. As long as the sun shines in the morning and
the moon comes up at night, it means that time is still ongoing, it means that the world hasn’t
ended yet. It also means that he’s still alive, like he promised.

He didn’t know what came over him and why he asked about the date, but it seemed to be
important and the question was already out of his mouth before he could stop himself.

There was a long pause and Jimin’s smile dropped, “August…” August, huh, has it really been that
long? Jimin continued, “...August 16.”

Oh.

Jimin’s words reverberated inside his head. August, it was August 16 again.

A year. It’s been exactly a year.

Jungkook’s good mood faded away. He looked away from Jimin’s worried eyes and closed them.
He wanted to throw up, his heart felt heavy and he could feel the tears in the back of his eyes. He
willed them away, his hands shaking as he pushed the bowl of cereal far from him.

“I-I’m sorry, Jungkook, I’m sorry,” Jimin whispered, a choked sob came out of him.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” Jungkook started to say, his voice weak and shaky. He stood up,
gripped the edge of the kitchen counter, his knees starting to feel weak. “None of it is, because-”

“-It’s not your fault either.” Jimin stern voice cut him off. Jungkook looked at his lover’s eyes and
saw tears and hurt filling them. “Please stop saying that it is,” Jimin said, softer this time.

They stared at each other for a few seconds and then Jungkook nodded, “Okay.” But the guilt
lingered and remained heavy in his chest.

“Do you want to-?” Jimin started to ask, but this time it was him who got cut off by the shrill
ringing of Jungkook’s phone.
Talk about it? Jungkook thought. Definitely not. Let’s just pretend that everything’s okay, just like
we do everyday. It’s easier that way, Jimin.

Jungkook fished his phone out from his pocket and looked at the screen. Taehyung, his best friend,
was calling. Jungkook pressed the call button and put the phone close to his ears and said, “Hello?”

“Hey! Oh my God! Hi! You answered!” Taehyung’s deep voice rang out from the other end. “I’ve
missed you so much! It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, me too, Tae. I missed you too.” Jungkook answered, sitting down on the stool again,
feeling a tinge of guilt and nostalgia. He really did miss his best friend.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been MIA. Just been working over… stuff.” A lie. He’d been doing nothing the
past year. Nothing else except for turning away the people close to him, his friends and family,
including Taehyung.

“I understand, Gguk. It’s fine, I know you need time. But listen, how about we get together tonight,
huh? You, me, Namjoon hyung and Yoongi hyung. We all miss you. Just dinner and some drinks,
just like the old times.”

A pained laugh escaped Jungkook’s mouth and he shook his head. Jimin stood up from his seat,
walked towards Jungkook and stood behind him. Jimin bent forward to hug Jungkook, silently
resting his head on Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook knew what Taehyung was doing, it was a
distraction, Taehyung was giving him a distraction. Of course Taehyung knew what day it was and
what happened a year ago, he wouldn’t forget. He was Jungkook’s best friend after all, if only
Jungkook didn’t push him away and self-imprisoned himself by withdrawing into the confines of
his dark home.

“Tae,” Jungkook took a deep breath and spoke, “I know you mean well, but I just found out what
day is it today and-,” Jungkook swallowed, “I kinda want to be alone today. Please.”

“Oh… Okay…” Jungkook could hear the hurt and disappointment in Taehyung’s voice, over the
phone. The guilt in his chest felt heavier. “If you ever need someone, we’re always here for you,
Gguk. I hope you know that,” Taehyung continued.

“I-I know. I’m so sorry. I really am.”

“There’s no need to apologize, Gguk. Take your time. We’ll be waiting. I guess, I just needed to
know that you’re okay.”

“Yes, I am. I-I think I’ve gotten a bit better, today is just- it’s just an especially hard day. I think
you know why.” Jungkook answered, his voice getting weaker as he spoke.

“I do. That’s why I was worried. I’m glad you’re doing better, Gguk. It’s been a long time since
we’ve talked. I miss him too, you know. Every single day.”

“Me too.”

Jungkook turned off the phone, sighed and placed it on the table. He swiveled around to turn
towards Jimin, wrapped his arms around his lover’s body and pulled him down until Jimin was
sitting on his lap. There were no words needed, just to know that he was there was enough for
Jungkook. He cupped Jimin’s face and kissed every part that his lips could reach - his forehead, his
cheeks, his little nose and his plump lips. The grief that was starting to cloud his mind remained,
but if Jimin was still here with him, he might be able to live through it just like what he’s been
trying to do for the past year.

“Hey, Jimin?” Jungkook spoke, his voice soft. It was still morning but he felt immensely tired.

“Yes, bunny?” Jimin replied, nuzzling at the crook of Jungkook’s neck. Jungkook couldn’t help but
smile at the old pet name Jimin had for him.

“Happy thoughts today, okay? Happy thoughts only, please.”

“Jungkookie, if you can forget about everything, not just about what happened a year ago, will you
do it? Every single thing.” Jimin said, his arms still around Jungkook’s shoulders.

“Why?”

“Because if you do, you wouldn’t have to hurt. It would be as if nothing happened at all.” Jimin
answered him.

Jungkook rested his forehead on Jimin’s chest and closed his eyes, thinking. Would he? Would he
be willing to forget about everything they’ve shared to be able to get away from the grief and the
pain that lingered even a year later? If there was some magical potion like that, that could zap him
back to reason, back to any sort of normalcy, away from his own haunted emotions, then it would
certainly be tempting. A quick escape from the abyss he has fallen in.

But thinking about Jimin’s question brought back the memories again - the broken-in windows, the
surprise dinner that they never got to eat, the blood that spilled on stark white sheets and his body
that lay lifeless on the bed they shared. He could still see the flashes of red, the paleness of the
hands that he used to love to hold whenever he closed his eyes. Sometimes, it felt like it only
happened yesterday.

The pain always felt new. The pain always felt fresh, even though it should feel familiar by now.

When Jungkook opened his eyes again, there were fresh tears in them. He looked up at Jimin and
let out a shaky breath, “Happy thoughts, right? Happy thoughts only.”

A tear fell down Jimin’s own cheek as he stared at Jungkook and he nodded, saying, “Yes, I’m
sorry. Happy thoughts.”

Jimin leaned down and closed the distance between their lips. They would still kiss, all the time,
even though they both knew it was futile. He could never reach Jungkook and Jungkook would
never be able to feel him, they both knew that. Sometimes, it felt like torture, sometimes it felt like
it’s the only thing that could heal Jungkook, and Jimin would keep on doing it a thousand times
over if it brought his lover even an ounce of peace.

After a few minutes, Jungkook’s phone started ringing. Jimin got off Jungkook’s lap and Jungkook
wiped away his tears, he took his phone and looked at the caller ID. Mom. Why were people
calling non-stop him today? They usually left him alone. Of course he knew why, and he was half-
tempted to just ignore the call. However, he knew his mother. She would never stop calling until
he answered her.

Jungkook took a deep breath, pressed the answer button and said, “Hello, mom.”

“Jungkook!” His mom’s jolly voice could be heard loudly across the line. “How are you, baby!”

“I’m fine, Mom. And how many times have I told you not to call me a baby. I’m not a baby
anymore.” Jungkook replied.

“Lies, I can sense it.” His mother answered. Was she talking about him being fine or about
Jungkook not being a baby anymore? Maybe both.

Jungkook sighed, “What do you want, Mom?”

“Can’t I call my son once in a while and ask him how he’s doing?” A pause, “And maybe ask him
to grab a few groceries for me?”

Jungkook sighed, “You just want to get me out of the house, don’t you?” His mom often called or
dropped by in order to attempt to get his son’s life back on track, making him run a few errands and
making him buy dinner for her. Sometimes those attempts ended up being futile.

“Yes, baby.” His mother answered. He loved how straightforward his mother always was. “Come
on, I’ll text you want I need. I’m planning to bake some double chocolate chip cookies. Your
favorite-!”

“Mom, I’m not a kid. I grew out of those.” Jungkook retorted.

“Nonsense! I’ll text you my ingredients! Better get them for me and drop them off at home.
Besides, aren’t you tired of that house yet? Always so gloomy when I come by.”

“Fine, fine,” Jungkook finally agreed, “I’ve been thinking of getting groceries for myself too.”

“Good, good. Thank you, son. And have you-” his mother’s voice took on a softer tone, “-visited
him yet? It’s been a-”

“A year. I know, I know. It’s just...” It still hurts. “I’m not ready yet.” I don’t think I ever will be.

“Just think about it, okay? I’m sure he’ll be happy to know that you visited. It’s his…” his
mother’s voice trailed off, “... you know, after all.”

“I’ll think about it, Mom.” He answered.

“I’m sure he misses you.”

Jungkook looked towards Jimin and sent a soft, sad smile, “I do, too. All the time.”

“She wants you to go out?” Jimin asked when Jungkook ended the call.

“Yeah, grab some groceries for her. She’s going to bake some cookies.”

Jimin eyes widened and then he pouted, “I miss your mom’s cookies. They were always so good.”

“I’ll get some for you when she bakes them,” Jungkook smiled, teasing Jimin.

A chuckle escaped Jimin’s lips, “What for?” he asked, his eyes crinkling as he laughed.

“So you can be jealous as you watch me eat them,” Jungkook joked, his own laugh escaping.

Jimin pouted again and whined, making Jungkook’s heart full, even temporarily. “Meanie,” he
said.

Jungkook stood up and looked for his car key, and Jimin followed him. “Are you going out now?”
Jimin asked.

“Yeah, I’m gonna get groceries for myself too.”

“You want me to come with you?”

Jungkook shook his head, “Nah, I’ll be quick.”

Jimin followed Jungkook towards the front door of his home and then Jungkook wove his hands
around Jimin’s waist and pulled his lover towards him. “Movie marathon later when I get home?”
Jungkook asked.

Jimin wrapped his arms around Jungkook’s waist and pressed his face against Jungkook’s chest,
“Okay. I’ll be waiting.”

Jungkook pressed his lips on the crown of Jimin’s forehead and whispered, “I love you.”

Jimin smiled against Jungkook’s shirt and said the words back, intently, “I love you too, forever.”

Jungkook let Jimin go and opened the door, but before walking out of the house, he took one last
look and turned back. His house was unbelievably bare, unbelievably gloomy. All its life was taken
out a year ago when Jungkook lost him, and it was only Jimin, who was standing there smiling at
him, that brings light into this house that felt more like a prison.

Because this house wasn’t his home, at least not anymore.

—
Jungkook went to the nearest grocery store and bought the ingredients that his mother needed, then
he got some food for himself. Not a lot, he just needed enough food for one person anyway. Jimin
was right, he needed to eat a little healthier, his muscles have thinned out considerably and he was,
quite frankly, tired of junk and take-out food. Maybe Jimin was right again, that he was making
progress and was starting to take care of himself. Jungkook felt proud and scared at the same time
because progress meant moving on, and that was the one thing he feared, something he wasn’t sure
he’ll be ever ready to do.

After grocery shopping, his drove to his mother’s house. It was a half hour drive away and traffic
wasn’t bad, he planned to deliver the groceries and get out. His mother was very happy to see him,
showering him with kisses, pretending that his son wasn’t a whole 24 year old man. He let his
mother indulge, since they haven’t seen each other for quite awhile. He actively avoided the topic
that his mother wanted to talk about - about what day it was today, and he kept being evasive.
When he got the chance, he finally said goodbye.

“Aren’t you staying for dinner? Haven’t seen you in awhile.” His mother asked.

“Maybe next time, mom. I’m heading back now.”

“You know, Taehyung visited last week. He was asking me about you and we both didn’t know
how you were. We’re just worried about you. I hope you talk to us.” His mother said, sadness
evident in her eyes.

“Thank you for worrying, Mom. But I’m really fine.” Jungkook answered. A flash of hurt crossed
Jungkook’s mother’s eyes and Jungkook prayed that she’ll just let it go.

“I just don’t want you wasting away in that house, all alone. It’s not good for you, Jungkook. I
hope you come back to us.”

There was a moment of silence. Jungkook couldn’t deal with this conversation right now,
especially not today. “I know, Mom, and I’m trying, but I really have to go now. It was nice seeing
you.” Be strong, Jeon, be strong. Don’t break down now. He thought to himself. Keep yourself
together.

Finally, his mom sighed dejectedly and said, “Okay, Jungkook. Come back on Thursday, I’ll be
baking the cookies then.” Jungkook nodded, and she continued, “And please think about what I
said on the phone today. About visiting him.”

Oh .

“I think he would love it if you visited him, especially on this day. You still have time. Just, just
think about, okay?”

Jungkook replied with a weak, “Okay,” knowing full well that he couldn’t.

--
Jungkook drove home. His music was turned up all the way through, some pop music he’s always
heard on the radio but never bothered to learn the lyrics to, something to drown out his thoughts.
His mother’s words haunted him and he felt so guilty, guilty that not even once after almost a year
did he visit him again. But his mother didn’t know the truth, she didn’t know about what was
happening.

However, when Jungkook passed by a flower shop, his hands tightened on the steering wheel and
he found himself stepping on the brakes. As if everything was drowned out and in slow motion, the
car stopped and he was automatically stepping out of it and into the shop. Next thing he knew, he
was coming out of the shop with a bouquet of yellow roses in hand. Yellow that reminded
Jungkook of how much he shined so bright. They were roses too, the flowers that always reminded
Jungkook of him, the flowers that smelled like him, a scent that brought tears to his eyes because
of how much Jungkook missed him.

What was he doing? Didn’t he just say to himself that he wasn’t going? That he wasn’t going to
visit? But he found his own hands driving to a path that felt familiar, towards a place he thought he
never wanted to see again.

Is it time? Jungkook thought. It scared him.

But before he knew it, he was already there. On the grassy plains under the afternoon sun, the
headstones shining on this peaceful day.

After almost a year, he was finally back at the cemetery.

Jungkook got out of the car and his legs froze, he suddenly couldn’t move. Fear and shame crawled
up inside him. He didn’t want to see his grave because seeing it would mean that the life he was
living now was actually a lie, and being forced to acknowledge that scared him to death. He
wanted to go back, to keep living on as if he never came here in the first place, but then he thought,
if he was not going to do it now, on this one impulsive moment, he would probably never do it ever
again.

Gathering up his courage, he set forward one step at a time. Baby steps, remember? He could do
this. The breeze was calm but cool on his skin as he walked through the path, looking for his
destination. He has only been here once and it was a long time ago, but he could still remember
where he was buried, could still remember every single detail of the funeral.
And so he continued, walking across the cemetery, clutching a bouquet of flowers in hand.

Soon enough, he found it. The grave was near a large oak tree and everything else around him was
quiet and at peace. Jungkook walked near the headstone and suddenly his knees finally gave way
and as if all his strength was gone, he kneeled in front of the grave, tears falling from his eyes.

It was as if a dam broke from inside him, finally spilling out in the open. These past few months,
he wanted to appear strong, but he and Jimin both knew that he wasn’t. That he was broken. That
he still beat himself up over what happened. He tried, tried so hard to keep whatever hurt and grief
he felt bottled up inside, although he didn’t completely succeed. Jungkook had to resign from his
job and became reclusive, withdrawing back into the shell of his home, into the shell of himself,
pushing everyone away, because he convinced himself that he needed no one else.

Except for Jimin.

Jimin was still here.

But kneeling on this grave was the only confirmation he needed that the life he’s been living was
indeed a lie.

Jungkook laid the flowers on the foot of the grave wiped his tears away.

“Hey,” he started to speak, but his voice was still so weak. “I’m back. I’m sorry it took so long, I-I
brought flowers, roses, to be exact because they’re your favorite. I picked yellow, well, because it
reminds me of your smile. Always so happy. And your fluffy blonde hair.” A shaky laugh escaped
him.

He couldn’t help but let fresh tears spring to his eyes and he just let them fall this time. “I-I don’t
know why I’m here,” he spoke again, his voice breaking, “I told myself I would never come back,
because, shit, seeing you like this hurts too much. It hurts too much to be here.”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you,” he continued, his eyes blurry with tears, “I don’t
know if you could hear me because you’re not here right now, but I-I still blame myself. Why
couldn’t I have been there? Why couldn’t I just have gone home? Why didn’t I listen to you? You
tell me not to do this to myself, not to become so overcome with grief, but it’s just so hard to
believe, because maybe you wouldn’t have died, you would have had a chance if I was there. And
then there’s those thoughts rearing up in my head, asking myself, why couldn’t it have been me
instead?”

Jungkook heaved out shallow breaths, all the things he couldn’t say, finally coming out, like a flesh
wound being reopened. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t say these to you in person because,
because I promised that I would try. That I would try to get my life back on track. And I feel like
I’ve failed you. I always failed you.”

“Yet, why can’t I let you go?” Jungkook sobbed, balling his hands into fists, his tears falling to the
grassy ground. “I’m selfish, I’m so fucking selfish! I know you’re tired, I know you want to move
on but you can’t because I keep on taking that away from you, because I don’t think I can live
without you. I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry.”

“I’ve forgotten how much I actually loved you, and I took you for granted. But it was too late. I
keep trying to bring back the old us, kept on trying to pretend that we’re still us, and you’re still
you, that’s why it took me so long to get here,” Jungkook’s heart burst forth with all the pain he’s
been hiding, yet he felt so relieved that the truth was finally out. “I didn’t want to acknowledge the
truth, because I didn’t want to lose you again.”

As if all his strength left him, Jungkook pressed his forehead against the coolness of the grass, his
hands still balled by the sides of his face, whispering about how much he loved him. In front of
him was those yellow roses, so innocently unaware of the of the pain that went on around them.
And beside it was a grey headstone that read:

In Loving Memory of

Park Jimin

October 13, 1993 - August 16, 2018

Jungkook, after awhile, stumbled to his car and headed back to his house.

His house that wasn’t a home.

Because his husband, his light, and his home was Jimin.

And Jimin is gone.

—
The Past

August 16, 2018

Maybe getting married at 20 was a bad idea.

That was Jungkook’s first thought as he walked outside the bar, away from his co-workers because
of his husband’s incessant calls.

“Gguk! Come back here!” His superior, Kim Seokjin, shouted from inside, obviously inebriated,
clinging to some girl he just met.

“Sorry! I got to take this!” Jungkook shouted back, waving his phone at Seokjin.

“Spoilsport!” Seokjin yelled, but Jungkook paid him no mind as he exited the bar.

Jungkook, annoyed, answered the call and pressed his phone to his ear, “What?”

“Hey, bunny!” Jimin’s high-pitched, excited voice filled the other line, “What time are you coming
home?”

Jungkook looked around, it was past 8 pm now and the bar inside was already filled with people.
Seokjin told him and his coworkers to get off work early so they could drink and have a friday
night out in a bar that was opening nearby. Jungkook usually didn’t join his coworkers drinking
sessions because Jimin always wanted him to get off work and go straight home. So today,
Jungkook jumped at the chance and he’s not going to let it go so easily.

“Uhmm, Jimin? I think I’m actually going home late today, I’ve got so many things to catch up on.
So much paperwork to do,” Jungkook lied. “I’m really sorry, baby.”

“Oh.” The disappointment in Jimin’s voice was unmistakable. Jungkook felt a tinge of regret for a
moment, but he might as well go through with it. “But I prepared a surprise dinner for you, with
candlelights and wine and all that. We haven’t done that in a while, baby. Can’t you just go off a
bit earlier today? You always work so many late nights.”

“Not today, Jimin. I’m so sorry.” Jungkook apologized to his husband.

“Well, umm, I’ve already cooked so… can’t I just wait for you?”

“I don’t want you to wait up for me, baby. I’ll be home late.”

“No, no, it’s really okay. I’ll wait up for you, so we can have dinner together. it’s okay. I really
miss you.” Jimin decided, and once Jimin decided on something, no one could change his mind
anymore.

“Okay, baby. I have to go now. Love you.” Jungkook said in a rush

“Love you too.” Jimin said. Jungkook ended the call and groaned, he placed the phone on silent,
stuffing it back inside his pockets.

Jungkook trudged back into bar, mildly annoyed, but wiped his face blank as soon as he gets back
to his coworkers, putting on a fake smile.

Hoseok, another co-worker, puts his arm around Jungkook’s shoulder and asked, “Everything
alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

Jungkook got drunk, he got heavily drunk. He was supposed to keep an eye on the time and go
home a bit earlier than he intended to because he knew Jimin was going to wait up for him.
However, it’s been so long since he’s had a good night out and he lost track of time. His co-workers
were a bunch of bachelors having the time of their lives, and Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder
what his own life would be like if he hadn’t married so early.

Of course he loved Jimin. However, his time wasn’t his own now, his life wasn’t his own. Jimin
always wanted him to get home at this time, never leaving him any time to breathe. It felt
suffocating that Jimin was trying to control every single aspect of his life. His marriage has gotten
cold and the passion that used to be there was now gone. Why did he marry at 20, why couldn’t
have he waited? Stupid Jungkook, stupid, stupid, stupid.

Jungkook was watching his boss, Seokjin, dance crazily on the dancefloor through hazy eyes when
Hoseok spoke to him. “Shit, man, this is a miracle, isn’t it?”

Jungkook turned to Hoseok and squinted his eyes, “Huh? What do you mean?”

“That Jimin ain’t looking for you yet. You usually don’t get shit-faced with us because of him,
right?”

At Jimin’s name, Jungkook’s eyes widened, “Shit, shit, shit, shit!”

“What’s the matter with you? You alright?” Hoseok asked.

“Jimin! Shit, I forgot! What time is it?” Jungkook asked, looking for his phone in his pockets and
on the couch.

“Hmm, almost 1 am, I think. Man, you are so dead. Goodluck dealing with Jimin.” Hoseok replied,
laughing.

Jungkook’s head was hazy, yet in his stress, his head started to clear up. He eventually found his
phone and opened it just to see 13 missed calls and a dozen or so texts. With a worried look on his
face, he scrolled through the messages and his heart dropped at what he read.
 Jungkook, where are you?

Hey, where are you.

Jungkook, it’s past 10. Are you coming home any time soon?

Please answer your calls.

Jungkook, I was hungry, I already ate dinner. I kept yours in the fridge. Heat it up when you get
home. I’m still waiting for you, we need to talk.

The next couple of text messages where sent only a few minutes ago.

please help me.

jungkook, please.

i thought they were you im so sorry

jungkook, im so scared

I can hear them theyre looking for me

pls answer my calls

im so sorry jungkook please help me

help me
 please help me

im sorry please come home

jungkook, i love you

Upon reading the last few messages, Jungkook rushed out of the bar.

“Hey! Where are you—?” Hoseok yelled after him, but he ignored Hoseok’s calls.

He ran as fast his could to his car, got in, and started to drive. There was something wrong, Jimin
was in danger. He had to get home. All the effects of the alcohol were gone, Jungkook could feel
his blood pumping and his heart rapidly beating. He had to get home fast. He called Jimin, whose
number was on speed dial, praying to God that he was okay.

The phone rang and finally, Jimin picked up.

“Jungkook, Jungkook, help me, help me please,” Jimin was whispering, yet Jungkook could feel
him crying over the other end of the line.

“What happened, baby? What happened? I’m on my way home. God, I’m so sorry.”

“Men. They broke in the house. They’re armed, Jungkook—” then Jimin started to sob, “I opened
the door, I thought it was you. I’m so sorry. Jungkook, I’m so scared.”

“Baby, baby, don’t cry, okay? I’m coming home. Have you called 911? Please tell me you did.
Where are you? I’m going to come and get you.” Jungkook answered, still driving as fast as he
could, not caring about any speed limit.

“I did, but they’re not here yet. I’m in our bedroom. Inside the closet. Jungkook, please come,
come fast.” Jimin heaved and pleaded over the phone.

“Jimin, calm down. Don’t make a noise so they won’t find you—“

“Jungkook, I'm scared, I’m so scared.” Jimin cried.

“Yes, baby, I know. I’m coming. I’ll save you, I promise I will. Just stay there, don’t come out.”
Jungkook wanted to cry, but he had to stay strong for Jimin. He gripped the steering wheel and
stepped on the gas, wanting nothing more than to see his husband safe. His former doubts from
before have since vanished.

Then, on other line, there was a bang and Jimin let out choked sob, “Jungkook, they’re trying to
open the door. They’ll find me.”

“Jimin, keep quiet, please, please keep quiet. I’m near, baby. It’s gonna be alright, just don’t make
a noise.”

Jungkook could hear Jimin’s breathing on the phone and a couple of louder bangs that followed.
Then Jimin spoke again, whispering the words that Jungkook feared the most, “They’re here.
They’re inside. They’re going to find me.”

“Jimin, listen. Don’t make a noise.” As he said this, Jungkook’s eyes were filling up with tears, he
could barely see the road but he kept on driving. He spoke, calm and stern, which was so different
from how he was feeling. “But when they find you, you have to fight. Try to fight them off Jimin
and get away. For me, please, do it for me.”

Jimin whispered, “Okay.”

There were a few seconds of tense silence, then several voices yelling. Jungkook could hear the
sounds of struggles and Jimin, trying to get away. Jungkook could only hold the phone closer to his
ear, his grip tight enough to turn his knuckles pale. He was not religious, but at this moment, all he
could do was pray.

And then he heard it, a loud bang — the sound of a gun being shot.

“No, no, no, no! Jimin?! Jimin!” Jungkook yelled over the phone, but there was no response, and
then he heard a couple of rustles and a man whose voice was unfamiliar to him spoke, “Hello?”

“Don’t you dare, don’t you fucking hurt him! I’m gonna fucking kill you! I will fucking kill you!”
Jungkook shouted over the phone, gripping the steering wheel and speeding up to swerve around
another car.

The man on the other line laughed, “A little bit too late for that.” Then Jungkook could hear the
phone being dropped and the men’s voices fading away.

“Hello?! Hello??? Come back here!! Fucking come back you fucking piece of shit!” Jungkook
yelled, but there was no response.

After a few seconds, there was another rustle and someone’s voice picked up the phone. It was
Jimin. “… Jungkook?” He whispered weakly.

Relief filled Jungkook’s chest. “Oh, thank God. Jimin, are you alright? I’m near. I promise.”

“…Jungkook, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jimin cried.

“Why are you saying that, baby? You don’t have to apologize for anything.”

“I tried to fight… get away… t—they shot me.”

“No, no, no, you’ll be okay. You’ll be alright.”

“Jungkook,” Jungkook could hear Jimin’s pained cries, “It’s so painful, it hurts.”

“Just keep on talking to me, okay? Just listen to my voice. Hold on, Jimin. Hold on.”

“It’s getting dark, Jungkook. I don’t know….”

“Jimin, please, I’m begging you. Jimin, I love you. I love you so much. You have to stay with me.”
Jungkook begged desperately.

Jimin’s soft, weak voice spoke again, “Jungkook, are you there?”

“Yes,” Jungkook sobbed, “I’m here. I’m still here, so don’t you dare leave me, Jimin!”

“Bunny…” There it was, the old nickname, “I love you…so much.”

“Jimin, Jimin, stay with me. I need you! I love you! Please!”

“Jungkook… I love you.”

Then there was nothing. Jungkook tried to listen to Jimin’s voice, Jimin’s breathing, any other
sound, but nothing came across the line. It took all of his strength not to break down right there and
then, and to continue driving.

When he got there, the police just arrived, their lights flaring and the sirens were blaring. Jungkook
didn’t care, the police were worthless, they tried to stop him from entering but he shoved passed
them and entered the broken in house. They weren’t there when Jimin needed help, but Jungkook
wasn’t there either. They were both to blame.

Glasses were shattered and everything was a mess, appliances were missing, and everything was in
disarray. But he couldn’t care about any of those, the only thing on his mind was Jimin. He headed
up the stairs and ran towards the room at the far end of the hallway, their bedroom.

He pushed past the door and entered only to find his knees buckling, suddenly weak. On the bed,
on those pristine white sheets was his husband — Jimin, jungkook’s whole life, laying lifeless,
phone still in his hands, drowning the sheets in red ink. He clutched Jimin’s hand, held him close,
yet there was no sign of life. There was nothing.

“Jimin? Jimin, baby? Hey, I’m here now. The police are here.” Jungkook cried, his tears
uncontrollable. “Jimin, wake up now. Please, I’m home. Bunny’s here. I’m here. Jimin? Jimin!”

Footsteps could be heard outside the room. Jungkook cradled Jimin’s body in his arms, still
begging for something, anything. “Didn’t you want to have dinner?” He asked, desperate. “Baby,
come on. Baby, please.”

The police entered the room and they wrenched Jungkook away from the body. The body? That
was his husband, why are they calling him like that? He has a name. He’s Park Jimin. Why are
they talking about him like he’s… gone?

Several people came and went, trying to talk to him. Who were they? A paramedic, several police,
Mom and Taehyung? Why were they here? Why were they crying? But he didn’t care. He only
stared at those drenched sheets, watching them lift his husband’s body off the bed. Jimin, he’s
better off somewhere far away from him. Jungkook couldn’t even protect him, Jungkook couldn’t
even save him. He promised he would. But where was he? Getting his ass drunk somewhere far
away from home. He was completely worthless.

They tried to talk to him, bring him back to reason, but he only sat there on the corner of their
bedroom, speaking to no one. He wished that they’d all go away, that they’d all disappear, but
bring Jimin back. He wanted him back — no, he needed him back. Those people coming in and out
of the room, they were just incomprehensible apparitions to him. They were nothing.

He felt nothing. Not pain, not grief, not hurt — nothing. Maybe it hasn’t sunk into him yet, and he
felt empty. Maybe it was because his whole life, who he has taken for granted, was now gone.
Like Jimin, he was lifeless.

There was one thing that brought him back to the present. Was it for the worse or for the better? He
didn’t know, but in that moment, he knew he needed nothing else. He didn’t even know how it was
possible. As he sat alone in that bedroom, the police leaving the room momentarily before they
force him out of it, suddenly spoke a voice.

That voiced he craved, that voice he missed. That voice who he last heard whispering weakly on
the phone. That voice he loved.

Jimin .

“Jungkook?”

4 Months After

December 25, 2019

“Taehyung’s been calling. You won’t answer?” Jimin asked as Jungkook sat on the couch
searching for something to watch on the TV.

“Nah. Wanna watch some crappy Christmas movie with me?” Jungkook asked.

Jimin plopped on the couch beside Jungkook and sighed, “At least greet them ‘Merry Christmas’
or something. Have you called your mom?”

“I already texted everyone.”

“Aren’t you going out or something. Eat dinner with your Mom, I’m sure she prepared a feast.”
Jimin pushed.

“No, Jimin. I’m eating dinner now. With you. Now, do you want to watch Jingle All the Way or
Santa with Muscles?” Jungkook replied, his eyes still trained on the television screen.

“Jungkook, microwavable meals don’t count as a good Christmas dinner, and you have to celebrate
Christmas with someone. You don’t have to sit here all alone. Please, baby?”

Jungkook dropped the remote and looked at Jimin. Jungkook’s eyes were filled with unshed tears
and his lips were wobbly. He smiled and said, “I’m not alone, Jimin. I’m with you. You’re here,
right?”

Jungkook was never a fan of the supernatural. He didn’t believe in ghost and thought that all that
shit were used to scare children to bed. But Jimin, standing there, in that room the night he died
made all those past beliefs go down the drain. At first, he couldn’t believe it. How was Jimin
alive? Maybe it was all a horrible, crude prank that the world decide to orchestrate on him. Yet,
when he saw Jimin’s body being buried during the funeral a few days after made him snap back to
reality. Jimin was perhaps really dead.

But who was this? An imposter? Who was this person who looked, talked, and acted so much like
Jimin? Acting as if Jimin was alive and in the flesh. Was he really seeing a ghost?

His suspicions were confirmed when he realized that nobody else could see Jimin except for him.
They all thought he was crazy. His mother made him go to a psychiatrist who said that his
hallucinations were due to stress, depression, and PTSD. They made him take meds that would
leave him vulnerable and hazy. Maybe he did have those illnesses, but they didn’t make the vision
of Jimin go away.

Jimin was still here, talking and moving, but no one else could see him nor touch him, except for
Jungkook. He didn’t even try to get into the metaphysics of the matter, he didn’t even investigate,
he just accepted things as they were, that somehow, by some miracle of nature, that Jimin was still
here and what’s important was that it’s still his Jimin. His Jimin could heal him in ways that no
medicine and no therapy ever could.

“I don’t count, Jungkook. You know that.” Jimin replied.

“I can see you, I can hear you, I can touch you, and that’s enough for me, Jimin.” Jungkook
retorted.

“But no one else can, because I’m dead!” Jimin snapped, “You can’t just sit there and live your life
for me, Jungkook! I don’t exist anymore!”

Jungkook turned off the television and threw the remote control away, letting it clatter to the floor.
Jungkook stood up, his jaw set tight and angry, “Why do you always say that Jimin?! Why do you
always think of yourself in that way?! You exist! You’re here! With me!” Jungkook stood in front
of Jimin and shook his shoulders, hard. “I want nothing else but to love you! Why won’t you just
let me do that?!”

Jimin stared intently into Jungkook eyes and he said, “Because that’s the truth and you know it.
You need to accept it.”

“No.” Jungkook let go of Jimin and walked out of the living room. Jimin could hear him angrily
trudge up the stairs and then, the loud bang of their bedroom door as it closed. Jimin let the tears
overflow down from his eyes, he brought his knees up to his chest and cried. He needed to make
Jungkook understand, he needed to make Jungkook realize.

He was as confused as Jungkook when it happened. He suddenly found himself staring on a

bloodied bed, with Jungkook crying on the floor of the bedroom. Outside, he could hear the sirens
and the flood of blue and red lights. There was a body covered by a white cloth, being carried into
an ambulance. Who was that? What happened? - were Jimin’s first thoughts.

It didn’t take him long to realize that it was him in that ambulance and what was actually
happening. The memories of how he died flooded in, little by little, like petals on a rainy day
slowly collecting on the wet ground. He didn’t know why he was still here but for some reason,
Jungkook could see, hear and touch him when no one else could. The reason has got to be
something connected with Jungkook and as the days passed, Jimin realized that.

Jungkook wasn’t coping well with the loss. He blamed himself over what has happened and fell
into a deep depression. He had to take an indefinite leave from work, had started to cut off every
close relationship he had and started to live his life for Jimin - or at least for Jimin’s ghost. Jimin
sometimes thought that his inability to move on was something that’s more of a curse, Jungkook
couldn’t accept that although he was here, he also wasn’t alive. However, Jimin’s presence was the
only thing that kept Jungkook alive at this point. In the depth of Jungkook’s depression, Jimin saw
how dark his thoughts were and Jimin made him promise to never act on those thoughts. Jimin’s
feared that if he moved on, it might push Jungkook over the edge, Jungkook needed him.

But Jungkook also needed to realize the truth - that Jimin was gone and Jimin was not coming
back. Jimin needed to help him recover somehow, to learn how to start living for himself again and
not for the ghost of his dead husband.

Jimin, after awhile, went up to their bedroom and found Jungkook laying down on the bed.

“What do you want?” Jungkook answered, turning away from Jimin.

Jimin sat down on the bed beside Jungkook and carressed Jungkook’s shoulder, “Talk to me.”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“One of these days, we’re gonna have to talk about it, Jungkook. You can’t keep deflecting
forever.”

“Why does it have to be now?”

“Because if not now, then when?”

Jungkook stood up and made a move to walk out of the bedroom, away from the conversation.
Jimin stood up and followed him. “We have all the time in the world. You aren’t disappearing
anytime soon, Jimin.”

Jimin’s jaw was set tight as he responded, “Yes. I’m not disappearing anytime soon, and it’s your
fault.”

Jungkook stilled, and then he turned, disappointment in his eyes, “What do you mean? What do
you fucking mean, Jimin?!”

“You need to let me go!” Jimin yelled, tears once again spilling over his eyes.

Jungkook was hurt, every inch of his being was hurt. It felt like being accused, it felt as of all this
time, he was forcing Jimin to stay with him. He balled one of his hands into a fist while the other
was pointed towards the door, “Then fucking leave! No one told you to stay! Go to fucking heaven
or something! You’ve always wanted to leave, is that it? Then do it!”

Jimin shook his head, sobbing, “I can’t.”

“Why not?! Now, you’re saying you can’t?” Jungkook’s face was red with anger and pain as his
own tears overflowed. “What do you want me to do, Jimin? You know I’ll do anything for you. Is
it the house? Are you stuck because you died in the house? Fine, I’ll burn down the fucking house
down!”

“This isn’t some fucking horror movie, Jungkook! I’m not tied to the fucking house! I’m tied to
you! I can’t leave because you still need me!”

A loud, boisterous laugh that was full of pain escaped Jungkook’s lips, “Then what do you want
me to do? Tell you I don’t need you anymore? Fine. I don’t need you. Leave.”

“You and I both know that that’s not true, Jungkook.”

“Yeah? But it’s what you wanted, right? So do it! I don’t need you. Leave!” Jungkook yelled,
pointing towards the door again and looking away from Jimin.

Jimin fervently shook his head and stepped closer, cupping Jungkook’s face, forcing him to look
back at his lover, “I would stay here a thousand more years, in any way that I can, if it means that I
could be with you forever. But Jungkook, you need to let me go, for your sake and not mine.
Because I can’t bear to see you being hurt anymore. I need you to heal, but you won’t be able to do
that if I’m still here. You’ll always be stuck in the past, and it completely destroys me to see you
like this.”

Jungkook let go and pulled Jimin towards him, embracing him as if his life depended on it. Jimin
let Jungkook sob into his arms feeling the weight of the pain he’s been carrying for the past four
months. They sat down on the floor, near the foot of the bed, and Jimin let Jungkook pour
everything out.

“I don’t think I can, Jimin.” Jungkook sobbed, “I don’t think I can. Not without you.”

“Then we can do it together. I know you can do it, bunny. You’ve always been so strong.” Jimin
whispered, kissing Jungkook’s forehead.

“I’m horrible, I was a horrible husband to you. I wasn't even there to help you. I’m so sorry.”
Jungkook cried, realizing that all the blame he put on Jimin for destroying their marriage had no
sense. It wasn’t his marriage that had gone cold, it was him, and Jimin was always trying his best
to repair it. Now that his husband was dead, he was trying to salvage pieces of the marriage that he
wasted. However, it was impossible, because try as he may, his other half was gone, and only his
ghost remained.

“Shh, shh. Baby, my death wasn’t your fault, you did your best. And I’ve already forgiven you a
long time ago for all the other stuff.” Jimin whispered again, lifting Jungkook’s face and kissing
the wet tear tracks on his skin.

“Jimin, I need you. I-I don’t think I can live without you.” Jungkook said, and Jimin used his
thumbs to wipe the tears off of Jungkook’s face.

“You have to try, baby. You need to learn how to live for yourself again. And I’ll still be here, to
help you heal, I promise. Didn’t we vow that to each other? But even after death I won’t leave you,
but you have to promise me that you’ll try. Do it not for me, but for yourself. I’ll be here.”

Jungkook swallowed, what Jimin was requesting was extremely hard to do. He already lost
everything, let himself and everyone go, and trying to regain everything back would be
challenging.

Jimin spoke again, “We don’t have to be in a rush. Baby steps, okay? I just want you to try, that’s
all I’m asking, love.”

If Jimin wanted to him to do this, then he would try. That’s the least he could do.

“Okay, I promise.”

Present Day

August 16, 2019

Jungkook went to a quiet park to calm himself down after going to the cemetery.

Thinking about what transpired made him realize some things. During the first few months after
Jimin’s death, Jungkook pretended as if Jimin was alive - a living, breathing person and not an
apparition that only he could see. But after a harsh talking-to by Jimin, wherein he promised that he
would start taking care of himself and getting back on track, nowadays, he was stuck in some sort
of in-between, acknowledging and not acknowledging Jimin’s real state.

Going back to his grave cemented the harsh reality that Jimin, was in fact, gone, and there was no
way to bring him back. It was a much needed reality check, albeit painful, that Jungkook all this
time was denying. He didn’t even plan on visiting, maybe it was his subconscious telling him that
it was time and the thought of it scared him too much that he immediately wanted to banish it. But
he had to face it, as much as he didn’t want to. It was inevitable.

When he got back home, he parked and headed into the house. Once he opened the door, he was
faced with a teary-eyed Jimin who fell straight into his arms.

“I missed you too, baby.” Jungkook said, laughing.

“You came.” Jimin whispered, sniffling, and with a smile on his face.

“What?” Jungkook asked, confused.

“I heard everything.”

Jungkook stilled, and asked again, “...What?”

“You visited me today, in the cemetery, and I heard everything.”

They ended up together on the floor of their bedroom, near the foot of the bed, again in that place
where they had their big fight 8 months ago, their planned movie night all but forgotten.

“I’m so embarrassed,” Jungkook said, chuckling, playing with Jimin’s fingers.

“Why?”

“That you heard all of that. I was a mess.”

Jimin brought Jungkook’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles, Jimin’s kisses felt so light and
feather-like, a presence that you knew was there, but could be hardly felt. “Don’t be. I’m happy
you visited. It’s like my body is still somehow connected to my soul. Thank you for opening up to
me, even if you didn’t intend for me to hear.”

“Can’t do anything about it now, huh?” Jungkook shrugged.

Jimin giggled, “Yeah. Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, I don’t. But you’ll still talk to me about it, right?” Jungkook smirked, knowing his husband
through and through.

Jimin gave Jungkook a peck on the lips and smiled, “Yeah.”

“What do you want to talk about first?”

“Why did you decide to go? I thought you didn’t want to.”

“I don’t know, honestly. Next thing I know I was buying flowers and then driving to your grave.”

“Yellow roses, huh. I loved them, Jungkook. Thank you.”

“I’m glad,” Jungkook smiled, “I know you love roses. You even smell like roses before. But the
yellow, it reminded me so much of you and I miss you every single day.”

“I miss you too, baby, all the time. I always wish I could be here for you in ways that I could
before. But this is where we are now, and I wish that you won’t beat yourself up so much for it, not
anymore.”

Jungkook sighed and leaned back against the bed. “Guilt and pain is a process, Jimin. Sometimes it
still eats me up, no matter how much you say that I shouldn’t feel it. It hounds me. I don’t think
it’ll leave so magically.”

“I know. Perhaps I’ve underestimated it. If it’s a wound that scarred, maybe there’s still a chance to
heal it and you shouldn’t give up so fast. But we have to learn how to live through it, little by little,
and I think we’re able to accomplish that. We cope, we push through, we’re resilient.”

“No, I’m a failure.” Jungkook closed his eyes and smiled sadly, “It’s already been a year.”

“No, you’re a fighter.” Jimin replied, “The Jungkook today isn’t the same Jungkook I saw from 10
months ago. I’ve said it so many times, but I will never get tired of saying it again: I am so proud
of you.”

Did he deserve those words? Did he deserve a pat on the back and to be congratulated? He’s still
far away from being completely recovered, but maybe complete recovery was merely a dream,
because scars change who you are. But it doesn’t mean that your scars have to define you. If Jimin
believed in him, maybe he’d start believing in himself.

“Thank you.”

They spent the whole night in each other’s arms, kissing and holding one another. It was a special
moment that they both vowed to remember no matter what.

“I wish you could feel me, Jungkook. I wished I had some warmth to offer, because whenever you
kiss or touch me, I can feel everything. Your warmth, your coldness sometimes, anything, and I fall
in love with you even more. It reminds me of the time when I was human. You make me feel so
alive. I wish I could do the same.” Jimin whispered into his ear, leaving soft kisses on Jungkook’s
jaw.

“That’s not true.” Jungkook said, intertwining their hands. “Sure, I may not be able to feel any
body temperature, but I can feel your presence. Jimin, you make me feel alive more than anything
else, you literally saved me from my darkest days, my lovely rose. I don’t know where I would’ve
ended up if you weren’t here. I feel you, all the time, especially-” Jungkook pressed both of their
hands into his chest, “-in here.”

A tear slipped from Jimin’s eye and he threw his arms around Jungkook, saying, “You know, I was
never really one to believe in soulmates, but meeting you, getting the chance to know and to love
you was such a blessing and made me believe otherwise. Shit, maybe even that red string of fate
thing is actually true. Because even now, even after death, I’m still here. With you.”

“And I thank the universe each and every day for that.” Jungkook whispered, continuing to savor
every moment that they’re with each other.

To savor the moments that remained.

A few nights after, maybe because of another impulsive decision, he took out his laptop, charged it,
and opened it after what seemed like ages. After making sure that Jimin was nowhere near, he
poured out most of his savings, and did something he thought he’ll never have the strength to do.

My yellow rose.

2 Months Laater

October 13, 2019

(mood music: There For You by Troye Sivan)

Tokyo, Japan

“No, shit, we’re really going to Disneyland?!”

“We’re already in Tokyo, aren’t we?” Jungkook said, smirking.

Jimin’s eyes were wide with excitement, his cheeks puffy with a soft blush, “I love you, I love you,
I love you!” he shouted, throwing his arms around Jungkook.

It was always Jimin’s dream to go to ‘the happiest place on earth,’ more commonly known as
Disneyland. Although Jungkook didn’t really believe that it was the happiest place on earth, Jimin
would light up like a lightbulb whenever they had thoughts about vacationing here. However, their
funds were always short and the plans never came to fruition. Now, Jungkook poured out all his
saving to buy a ticket to Japan and made Jimin tag along with him. Jimin could appear wherever
Jungkook was, it was less costly this way, but Jungkook wished they would’ve gone when Jimin
was still alive. The thought hurt, and Jungkook pushed it away and tried to bring his focus back to
Jimin who was still exuding with happiness.

“Happy birthday, baby.” Jungkook told him, giving him a sweet kiss on the lips.

Japan was expensive. The airplane tickets and everything else costed him so much that there’s no
getting away from it - he’ll need to go back to work again after the trip is over. Preparing the trip
might be even harder than deciding whether to spend the money or not - it was hard to hide from a
ghost.

Some might think it’s futile to go to Japan to celebrate a dead lover’s birthday, but upon seeing the
smile on Jimin’s face, even if he couldn’t enjoy things the way he used to, it made Jungkook feel
so fulfilled and happy. Jungkook didn’t tell Jimin that they were going to Disneyland, not until the
last day. Jungkook went, with Jimin tagging along, to all the places that Jimin would’ve wanted to
visit. He often looked stupid, he’s got to admit that, but he didn’t care, not anymore. He has gotten
used to all the stares, and as long as Jimin was enjoying himself, nothing else really mattered. Now,
in their hotel, he surprised Jimin by announcing their last destination and Jimin could barely
contain his happiness.

Jungkook rode the shuttle with Jimin, thankfully it was not that crowded and there were less people
around him. Less people thinking he was crazy because they think he was speaking to himself.

“Jungkookie, isn’t this too expensive?” Jimin asked, a cute frown on his forehead.

“What?”

“All of this,” Jimin said, waving his hands around, “Didn’t you spend a lot for the whole trip?”

“Well, at least it’s going to force me back to work now,” Jungkook joked and Jimin narrowed his
eyes. “Don’t worry about it, okay? You’re dead.” Jungkook continued, laughing.

Jimin pouted and placed his hands over his chest, “Hmmmp, meanie.”

The past two months were so good to them. It was evident that Jungkook was trying harder than
before, he started talking to his mother and friends more and more. There was even a time when
Jungkook invited Taehyung, Namjoon and Yoongi over, and Jimin couldn’t help but sob once he
saw them again even though those three couldn’t see him. Jungkook also started eating healthier
and even working out from time to time. The unmistakable proud expression was always on Jimin’s
face and he made sure to tell Jungkook how proud he was.
Jungkook couldn’t deny that these changes were improvements. He started to go out of the house
more often and his social life has improved a little. He was less lethargic and shed off the
additional pounds he’s gained over the year. It felt good to be active, to be more in shape, and even
though Jimin was the main reason why he started to change, he started doing it also for himself.
Despite that, there was still pain, something that he needed to live through, and he knew that it’ll
never really heal. But at least, he’s learned to smile again - a sincere, happy smile that would light
up his whole face. It was refreshing.

Thankfully, it was a weekday and Disneyland wasn’t as crowded as it normally was. There were a
lot of kids and people in different Disney character costumes, and Jimin couldn’t help but coo at
them. They went to all the places and all the rides that Jimin wanted to ride in, and although he
looked stupid to the public by coming to Disneyland and looking like he was riding all the rides by
himself, Jungkook was starting to enjoy himself.

Maybe Disneyland was the happiest place on earth, because he was with Jimin.

He didn’t really keep track of the names of all the rides and attractions they went on. He did have a
lot of fun on that one teacup ride wherein he made sure to make Jimin all dizzy. Who knew that
ghosts could even get dizzy? Jimin was all wobbly and full of giggles when it was over.

If only he could, he would capture every minute of this trip on camera. He would put it into film
and retain it all into his memory. Treasure it forever, Jimin’s smile and Jimin’s presence forever
captured for him to go back to at any moment. But he couldn’t and he did what he could do which
was to savor the moment, use his eyes as his camera, feel everything that these moments would
give him. Retain the memory of Jimin in the best way possible.

As the night came closer, Jungkook’s palms started to sweat, he started to feel nervous and even
nauseous. He wanted to hold Jimin’s hands, pull him back to the hotel, and head to a flight back
home. However, Jimin’s words echoed in his mind, ‘ If not now, then when.’ And Jimin deserved
this, Jimin deserved everything.

Jungkook wanted to cry, seeing how happy his husband was, that for the first time in their years of
marriage, he felt as if he finally succeeded in making his husband truly happy by making his
dreams come true. But Jimin, like the sweet person he was, would probably beg to differ and
would say that Jungkook made him happy everyday.

During the night, they watched the parade together, or at least Jimin did. Jimin’s eyes were wide
with awe and his mouth hung open slightly. Jungkook watched him instead, Jungkook marveled
how at how beautiful he was, how the lights reflected in his eyes looked like sparkles, how he
looked so real, and so alive.
Walking back to an empty bench after the parade, they waited for the fireworks to start. They both
sat down, Jimin resting his head on Jungkook’s shoulder while Jungkook spoke, “You know what,
I wished Queen Elsa can freeze something else other than ice.”

Jimin laced his hands with Jungkook’s and held them, “What is it then?”

“I wish she could freeze time.” Jungkook answered, sighing, feeling the cool breeze on his skin.

“If she could freeze time for you, what moment will you freeze?” Jimin asked.

“Our wedding day. We were so happy. Remember how Taehyung got piss drunk and started
stripping during the reception? Remember our wedding night? Everything wasn’t perfect, but
everything was so special. I became yours that night.” Jungkook replied with all his sincerity.

He remembered the question Jimin asked on his death anniversary 2 months ago, “ If you could
forget everything, will you do it?” And Jungkook knew the answer now. He would choose not to
forget, even the most painful of memories, even the way Jimin died, because forgetting everything
meant forgetting all the good times as well, it meant forgetting the greatest love he ever had.

If he couldn’t freeze time before Jimin’s death, then he would choose to remember it all.

Jimin had a little smile on his face as he whispered, “And I, yours. Forever.” He brought their
interlaced hands to his lips and kissed the wedding ring on both their ring fingers.

(Mood music: Mikrokosmos by BTS)

“Jungkookie, look!” Jimin exclaimed, pointing towards the sky as the fireworks started to go off.

“Hey, Jungkook!” Jimin yelled again, but the rest of his words were drowned out by the loud
sounds of the fireworks.

“What?!” Jungkook yelled back.

There was a bright, beaming smile on Jimin’s face as he shouted, “I love you!”

The fireworks were beautiful. Brilliant, flashes of light that left them both in awe. Jimin sat up
straight and looked towards the vast array of blinding colors in the sky and Jungkook tore his eyes
away from the spectacle in front of him to look, once again, at nothing else except for Jimin. If
only he could take a photograph of him now, if only he didn’t have to do what he needed to do, if
only…
But no, he needed to do it, because it’s time.

And he’s finally ready.

The Dawn

October 14, 2019

Tokyo, Japan

Disneyland.

They sat together on that bench for what seemed like hours, just talking. The people were slowly
dispersing until they’re all gone and Jimin started to notice.

“Hey, what time is it?” Jimin asked Jungkook.

“Like 12:30 am,” he answered.

Jimin stood up in surprise, looking around, “Shouldn’t we go now? The park’s closed!”

Jungkook patted the space beside him and asked Jimin to sit back down, “It’s okay. We have
permission to stay the night.” This was, honestly, the costliest part of the trip - getting the
permission to stay in the park after closing. It stressed him out so much, but he was able to pull it
off and even though his request seemed so strange to the management, a lone man who wanted to
stay inside the park, he made up some reason and they allowed him as long as he was willing to
pay.

“Do you wanna go exploring?” Jungkook asked Jimin after a while. Jimin’s face lit up and he
fervently nodded, Jungkook’s heart ached at the sight of his husband looking so happy, knowing
that this was the last time he’ll ever see it.

Disneyland’s beauty was different during the night, when it was isolated and empty. Being there
felt strange, the whole experience was very mystifying. Travelling the grounds that they went to in
the morning, now during the night, felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It was an
experience of a lifetime.
And it was Jungkook’s last, special goodbye.

When dawn was nearing, Jungkook led Jimin through the park and they headed towards the huge
ferris wheel. There was an open cart at the bottom of the ferris wheel just waiting for them to enter.
Jimin was confused as Jungkook led him inside but he went in anyway.

They went inside together.

“Jungkook, what’s all this for?” Jimin asked.

Jungkook just smiled and said, “Just wait, baby,” as he closed the cart’s door.

Jungkook sat beside Jimin and said, “This my last gift.”

“What do you m-?” Jimin was starting to ask, but was cut off as the lights of the ferris wheel lit up
and the machineries rumbled to life.

Jungkook picked up his bag and opened it, bringing out a single yellow rose. He handed it to Jimin
and Jimin took it from him with teary eyes.

“It’s not really your birthday anymore, but happy birthday again, my lovely yellow rose. Happy
birthday, Jimin.”

The ferris wheel sprung to life and started to move, they started to go higher and higher into the
sky and Jimin stared outside the window in awe, looking at the beautiful view of the dawning sky.

“Thank you for this, Jungkook. Thank you so much.” He said, and Jungkook could hear the
gratefulness in his voice.

Jungkook closed his eyes, trying to keep himself together. He took a deep breath, opened them up
again and looked at his hands which were slightly shaking.

“Do you know what else a yellow rose means, Jimin?”

“Hmmm?” Jimin hummed, still looking outside the glass, “No, not really.”

“It means freedom and new beginnings.”

Jimin turned to look at him, and Jungkook lifted his head to meet his lover’s eyes. “What do you
mean?” Jimin asked.

“It means I’m letting you go.”

At the very top of the ferris wheel, the ride stopped and paused. The sky and everything below was
overlooking. The sky with its hues of pink and blue was starting to fill slowly with yellow. It was a
beautiful sunrise. He knew that Jimin loved the sunrise, that sometimes there was a push that he
felt whenever he stared into it, like it wanted to take him away. The sunrise and the sky would
bring him peace.

“W-what?” Jimin stuttered out, confused.

“Baby, I’m letting you go.” Jungkook answered, his voice shaking and his eyes filling with tears,
yet he knew he needed to do this. “I’m giving you back your freedom. I’m letting you move on.”

Jimin’s eyes widened as he came to a realization, Jimin moved to sit in front of Jungkook and
clutched both of Jungkook’s hands and his, “Baby, although I couldn’t leave, I knew you needed
me and I wanted to be here with you. I wanted to free you from the pain, from the guilt and from
the hurt..”

Jungkook smiled, “I know, baby, and you were able to do just that. And although I admit, some
part of me still hurts, I’m ready now. I know, I can see it in your eyes whenever you would look at
the sky that that,” pointing to the horizon, “is where you need to be. Not stuck here with me.”

Jimin crossed the space between them again and pulled Jungkook into his arms, “Oh, baby. I
promised that I’ll only leave if you’re completely ready.”

Jungkook nuzzled into Jimin’s shoulder, he whispered, quoting Jimin’s words, “‘If not now, then
when?’”

“You’re using my words against me, huh?” Jimin chuckled and kissed Jungkook’s forehead.

“You’ve given me so much and you’ve helped me start to heal. You’ve always been there for me,
and I owe you my life. Even if you don’t tell me, Jimin, you would always get that faraway look in
your eyes whenever you would look at sky or at the stars. This is the only way I could ever thank
you.”

Jimin couldn’t stop the tears from falling, and he cried in Jungkook’s arms, “But I’m scared, I’m
scared that if I leave you’ll-”

But Jungkook cut him off, “I promised, didn’t I? There’s no need to be scared anymore, the
Jungkook who’s standing in front of you now, isn’t the same Jungkook from before. That’s what
you told me, and I’ve grown so strong with your help. But you were wrong about something,
Jimin,” Jungkook said, caressing Jimin’s face, “I don’t need to live for myself, from now on I’ll
live for the both of us. The life that was taken away from you, and the life that I still have, I’ll take
care of that life, I promise. I finally found the courage to do so.”

“Jungkook…” Jimin couldn’t find the words to express what he wanted to say, he could only cry.

“A-and you told me about soulmates, remember?” There were tears on Jungkook’s eyes, but he had
a beautiful, bright smile on his face, “That you started to believe in them? I believe in them too,
Jimin. I believe that our red string extends far greater than life and death, it extends even if we’re in
different universes. Even if I can’t see you, even if you’re far, far away, we’re still connected, and
I’ll be able to feel you-” Jungkook placed Jimin’s hands on his chest again and continued, “-in
here. All the love that I feel for you will always be in here, and every single day, I will ache for
you and I will miss you. That is something that can never be taken away from me. However, one
day, I’ll follow our red string of fate and I’ll find you. At the end of my road, I’ll be with you
again, and all this wait that I’ll have to suffer through? It’ll all be worth it.”

Jungkook cupped Jimin’s face in his hands and softly kissed his lips, “You can let go now, my
beautiful rose. I’ll be fine.”

Jimin whispered against Jungkook’s lips, “Thank you, thank you so much.”

In each other’s arms, they watched as the sun completely rose up from the horizon. The sky
became so beautiful and so radiant. They marveled at how beautiful it was, looking over the city of
Tokyo.

“I’ll watch over you, okay? It doesn’t matter what place I’ll end up in, I’ll always be there for
you.” Jimin told him.

“I’ll trust you on that,” Jungkook replied.

Jungkook held Jimin close and made sure to remember the feeling of Jimin’s body in his arms, and
Jimin, for his part, made sure to remember Jungkook’s scent and his warmth.

Jimin looked utterly at peace and beautiful as the sun’s rays shone on him and if Jungkook could
encapsulate one moment forever, he decided it would be this.

“Bunny?” Jimin whispered.

Jungkook smiled at the endearing nickname, he pressed his lips to Jimin’s forehead, his cheeks and
lastly, to his lips, “What is it, baby?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The sun was completely up in the sky when the ferris wheel began to rumble back to life. Jungkook
laced his hands with Jimin’s and held him tighter.

“Jungkook? I’ll be waiting for you, okay? But not so soon.” Jimin said, his voice soft, both so
sweet and so painful to hear. It’ll be the last time he’ll ever get hear that voice.

“Okay, baby. I promise.”

Jimin closed his eyes, and with the quietest voice, he said, “Goodbye, Jungkook.”

“We’ll see each other again, Jimin.”

 —

Two months ago, a strange man made a strange request, to be able to stay in the amusement park
on the 13th of October, all throughout the night and until sunrise. He wanted the ferris wheel to be
opened exactly at dawn and after sunrise, it would go down again. They said the man went there to
say goodbye, but there was no one else with him.

Some would say that he went up the ferris wheel with a being that no one else can see, some said
that he went up there with the love of his life. Nonetheless, when he came down from the heights
and out of the ride, he was all alone, walking out with a sad, beautiful smile on his face.

Inside the cart he just left, in the middle of one of the leather seats was a single, yellow rose.

End Notes

Thank you for reading!

I've never actually been to Japan or Disneyland for that matter, so if there are
inconsistencies, I'm sorry.

Follow me on twitter where I post more jikook aus (@_pjiminie)!

Thank you to my beta, Chloe! I love you, my peach. (@minxkoo)

The fic trailer made by Tee (@lilprincejim):

https://twitter.com/lilprincejim/status/1131865366370693120?s=20

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