12/1/2021

INTIMACY &
ATTRACTION

LIKING & LOVING

OTHERS

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Liking
• feelings of regard or
The Liking scale (Rubin)
fondness.
• evaluates one’s dating
(Oxford dictionary)
partner, lover, or
spouse on various
dimensions, including,
adjustment, maturity,
responsibility, and
likability.

Determinants of liking
1. Similarity
• We are attracted to people who are similar to
ourselves (birds of a feather flock together)
• Attitudinal Similarity– the sharing of beliefs,
opinions, likes and dislikes
• Attraction-to-stranger paradigm– widely
employed technique for studying attitudinal
similarities.

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Why similarity is important?

• Desire for consistency between attitudes and
perceptions
Our desire for consistency attracts us to persons who hold the same
attitudes toward important objects.
• Preference for rewarding experiences
Interacting with persons who share similar attitudes usually leads to
positive outcomes.

2. Shared activities
• As people interact, they share activities. As a
relationship develops, the sharing of activities
contributes to an increased liking for the other.
• Proximity– nearness in place, time, order,
occurrence, or relation.

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3. Reciprocal Liking
• In most relationships, we expect reciprocity of
attraction; the greater the liking of one person
for the other, the greater the other person’s
liking will be in return.

Liking versus Loving

• Love is something more than intense liking; it is the
attachment to and caring about another person
(Rubin, 1974).
• Attachment involves a powerful desire to be with
and be cared about by another person.
• Caring involves making the satisfaction of another
person’s needs as significant as the satisfaction of
your own.

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Passionate love - a state of intense

physiological arousal and intense longing for
union with another (Hatfield & Walster, 1978).

·Three components of passionate love:

COGNITIVE EMOTIONAL BEHAVIORAL
Includes a preoccupation Includes physiological Includes serving the other
with the loved one, an arousal, sexual attraction, and maintaining physical
idealization of the person and desire for union. closeness to him or her.
or the relationship, and a
desire to know the other
and be known by him or
her.

• True love can strike without prior interaction

(“love at first sight”).

The Romantic 2. For each of us, there is only one other

person who will inspire true love.
Love Ideal
Five beliefs 3. True love can overcome any obstacle
(“Love conquers all”).
collectively known
as the romantic 4. Our beloved is (nearly) perfect.
love ideal:
5. We should follow our feelings—that is, we
should base our choice of partners on love
rather than on other, more rational
considerations (Lantz, Keyes, & Schultz, 1975).

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Love as a Story
• A love story is a script about what love should be like;
it has characters, plot, and theme.
• The theme is central; it provides the meaning of the
events that make up the plot, and it gives direction to
the behavior of the principals.
• According to this view, falling in love occurs when you
meet someone with whom you can create a
relationship that fits your love story.

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THE GROWTH OF
RELATIONSHIPS

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STAGE OF ZERO CONTACT THROUGH

AWARENESS (WHO IS AVAILABLE)
SURFACE CONTACT (WHO IS DESIRABLE)
TO MUTUALITY (LIKING)

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1. Self-disclosure 2. Trust 3. Interdependence

Three aspects of this continued

growth of relationships:

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• act of revealing personal

information about oneself
SELF-DISCLOSURE to another person.
• Self-disclosure increases
as a relationship grows.

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According to study:
Casual relationship
men are less likely to disclose personal information than women
(Reis, Senchak, & Solomon, 1985).
Dating couples
Men and women with traditional gender role orientations disclose
less to their partners than those with egalitarian gender role
orientations (Rubin, Hill, Peplau, & Dunkel-Scheker, 1980)

Intimate heterosexual relationships

Men and women do not differ in the degree of self-disclosure.

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Young adults
inquired about the extent to which each had
disclosed in a variety of domains, including
sexual activities, shameful events, personal
health, and feelings and traumas.

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• Both honest and benevolent.

• are more likely to disclose
personal information to
TRUST someone we trust.
• We are more likely to trust
someone who we feel is
reliable—on whom we can
count.

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Interpersonal trust scale

One measure of interpersonal trust. Higher
scores indicate greater trust.

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Long Distance relationship

a sense of trust and faith in the partner, would be
especially important in the survival of long-
distance relationships. High relational security
among both men and women predicted stability of
all relationships one year later.

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• People evaluate potential and actual

relationships in terms of the outcomes
(rewards minus costs) they expect to
receive.
• As their relationship developed, each
INTERDEPPENDENCE discovered that the relationship was
rewarding. Consequently, they increased
the time and energy devoted to their
relationship and decreased their
involvement in alternative relationships.

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Dyadic withdrawal
Increasing reliance on one person for
gratifications and decreasing reliance on
other

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HOW DO
RELATIONSHIPS
END?
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3 INFLUENCES ON
WHETHER THE BREAKUP
DISSOLVES

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• Breaking up may result if one person

feels that outcomes rewards minus
costs are inadequate. A person may
UNEQUAL evaluate present outcomes against
what could be obtained from an
OUTCOMES & alternative relationship. Alternatively,

INSTABILITY a person may look at the outcomes

the partner is experiencing and
assess whether the relationship
isequitable.

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Equity theory
postulates that each of us compares the rewards we receive from a
relationship to our costs or contributions.

• The more attractive your partner is, the more rewarding.

• Weight is one aspect of physical attractiveness.

• This reasoning was tested in a study of 123 dating couples. Photographs of each
person in the study were rated by five men and five women for physical
attractiveness, and a relative attractiveness score was calculated for each member
of each couple. Both men and women who were more attractive than their partners
reported having receiving.

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Equitable relationships
The outcomes are equivalent—will be
stable, whereas inequitable ones will be
unstable.

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• The degree of commitment to a

relationship is an important influence on
whether it continues. Someone who feels a
DIFFERENTIAL low level of emotional attachment to and
concern for his or her partner is more likely
COMMITMENT & to break up with that person.
• We often continue a relationship because
DISSOLUTION we have developed an emotional
commitment to the person and feel a sense
of loyalty to and responsibility for that
person’s welfare.

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• Responses to dissatisfaction with a

relationship include exit, voice, loyalty, or
neglect. Which response occurs depends
RESPONSES TO on the anticipated not had intercourse
yet, but have done just about everything
DISSATISFACTION else. She thinks maybe the thing to do is
send him a nude photo of herself to
arouse his interest and make herself
seem hot.

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There are three types of barriers

or costs to leaving a relationship

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Material, Symbolic, &
Affectual
Material costs
• are especially significant for
partners who have pooled
their financial resources.
Breaking up will require
agreeing on who gets what,
and it may produce a lower
standard of living for each
person.
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Symbolic costs
• include the reactions of others.
A survey of 254 persons, 123 of whom
were in relationships, measured the
perception of friends’ and family
members’ support for the relationship
and commitment to it. Persons who
perceived more support were more
committed, in both dating and married
couples.
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Affectual costs
• involve changes in one’s
relationships with
others. Breaking up may
cause the loss of friends
and reduce or eliminate
contact with relatives—
that is, it may result in
loneliness
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